Duck Dynasty (2012) s08e07 Episode Script

Si, did you watch The 36th Chamber of Shaolin last night? Yeah, I watched it last night.
I love that movie.
Hyah! What are you doing? Hey, a kung fu master is always on alert.
Ow.
You have just entered the 36th chamber.
- Thank you, sensei.
- I got a loaded weapon.
Oh, I'd slap that out of your hand before you even knew it.
You better be glad, out of reflex, I didn't just go, "Pow.
" No "pow," I'd have caught the bullets and threw them out of the way.
I'm a kung fu master, son.
Yeah.
Where, exactly, is the 36th chamber? - That's outside of Dallas.
- Huh.
Look at this.
- Wow.
- Tree fell.
What are the odds of that? That tree fell right were I sit.
- Boys, I was almost a goner.
- Huh? Yeah, I'd be just like a pancake, boys.
Whoo, that'd be one tough pancake.
These boys don't understand.
When I seen that crushed duck blind, I saw my whole life flash before my very eyes.
That ain't a laughing matter.
I'm serious.
No, I mean Form the time I was an itty-bitty baby, to present time.
That quick.
If the tree fell, and you ain't there to see it I almost died.
That don't make sense.
It's one of them "paradockers.
" A pair of Dockers? I thought you hated Dockers.
Look, I'm trying to make a point here.
I could've been dead.
Look, I'm no spring chicken anymore.
Si, you never thought about dying before? No, what are you talking about? I'm more like a fall chicken.
- You had a heart attack.
- So? - You went to Nam.
- So? - And you're approaching 70.
- So? And winter is coming.
Look, before you know it, I might even be a fried chicken.
Si, you probably would've lived over there.
Si? I ain't feeling too good, boys.
I'm gonna try to take a nap or something.
I don't know if I can, though.
I got a lot on my mind.
He must be really messed up in the head if he can't take a nap.
He's acting more weird than normal.
- And that's saying something.
- He's finally exited the 36th chamber.
- That don't make sense.
- You don't make sense.
You put bullets in chambers.
Hey, have you all seen that app that tells you how good you sleep at night? - Do what? - They have an app for that? Listen.
This is Jessica.
That was a snore! That's a full-blown man snore there.
'Cause she kept saying, "No, I do not.
" "No, I do not!" And I was like, "Yes you do.
" Well, I'll tell you who can snore Si.
- No, I don't think so.
- And it's never the same.
- No.
- "Beavers and ducks.
" And then he, like, realizes he's not breathing Every day for Si is a near death experience.
It ain't funny, since I had a brush with death.
Si, are you still worried about that tree? You wasn't even there when it fell.
Yeah, but if I'd've been sitting there, I'd've been crushed to death.
Well, it only missed you by about 20 miles.
When you have a brush with death, okay? I was in a coma for five days.
It kind makes you think about things, okay? - Five days.
- On death's door.
Moving along, I got to thinking about all the things I want to do.
- Bucket list.
- Here we go.
- So I made my dream list, okay? - Bucket list.
- Look, time's running out.
- You made a bucket list.
- You put all the stuff in a bucket? - Hey, you idiot! Ain't no bucket! Knucklehead.
- All right.
- What'd I say to yell? All right, let's hear it.
Look, there are plenty of people in this world who could use a good jump start in their life.
Si's not one of them.
Be voted "Most Valuable Player" in the Little League World Series.
- You're 70 years old! - That was not funny.
He's been seizing the day ever since I've known him.
Date with Wonder Woman.
- Good grief.
- Drive a race car.
Judge a Miss America contest.
Play fetch with Air Bud.
- Si, he's not real.
- Ride a bull for eight seconds.
- You're gonna die.
- Become a world famous doctor.
- Like George Clooney.
- What? Cure hemorrhoids.
Eat at a hibachi restaurant.
- So far, you've got one that we can do.
- Okay.
We're talking about a man who makes napalm in his kitchen sink.
For funsies.
Then Then Then Then Pick up some red Cheetos Oh, good grief.
- Hold it.
- What? That's my grocery list for Christine.
I gotta grab her some Cheetos.
I wouldn't normally entertain insanity, but Si's gonna do this bucket list.
And we're gonna have to watch over him and make sure that somebody doesn't get hurt.
And by somebody, I mean Si.
- Flaying a balloon chair.
- Balloon chair? Yeah, like in the movie, U.
P.
- Up.
- You mean the movie, Up.
It's not like E.
T.
- I kinda like the hibachi grill idea.
- I'll go with him there.
There is a hibachi restaurant a mile down the road.
- What, here in Monroe? - Yeah.
It's good, too.
I say we go to the hibachi tomorrow and figure the rest out later.
I like that guy, comes out there and - Ha! - Hibachi! - And you just cut off Jep's bun.
- Dude.
No.
Man buns.
John Luke, what's the score? Dad, with 15 dollars, Kay with eight dollars, Al with 12 dollars, and me with six dollars.
Why are we scoring Scrabble in dollars, anyway? It's a motivational tactic.
With John Luke's graduation right around the corner, I figured it would be a good time to teach him some life lessons before he heads off to college.
The bigger the words, the more the money.
Big words, big money.
Big words will make you sound intelligent.
This, boys, is how you play the game.
Twenty-eight dollars.
And that would be "farts.
" No, you wouldn't let me use bathroom words.
But fart jokes will make you hilarious.
Okay, you ready? Can you make a drumroll? Kay, just put the word down.
You're gonna love it.
Somewhere I've never been but I might go one day.
Here we go.
- What is that? - Toronto Kay, that's "Taranto.
" Oh, "Taranto.
" It's a city in Canada.
You can't play that, Kat.
We gotta make you take that off.
Well, I think I should have consideration for my age.
You have consideration because you never graduated high school.
That is a lie.
Grandma Kay didn't graduate high school? - She most certainly did.
- Do you have a diploma? What's the big deal about a piece of paper? Well, if you get that degree, then I'll believe you.
I'll prove it to you.
We'll go to my school tomorrow.
- Let's go try to find it.
- John Luke, it ain't there.
These boys think I was a high school drop out just because I was absent during my graduation.
- I was a Bearcat, man.
- Where's your high school, Narnia? Back then, I was too busy taking care of Baby Alan to worry about my high school graduation.
I want to see some of my old teachers anyway.
- Some of your old teachers, Kay? - Yeah.
What, do you want to stop by the cemetery? That's like 50 years ago, Mama.
- Well, people teach a long time.
- Not that long.
I know I have a diploma out there.
And once I find it, I'm gonna smack these boys over the head with it.
Kay, are you gonna play another word or not? Are you ready for me to play? This game's gonna be crap.
John Luke, if Kay can beat you at this game, you should just not even go to college.
Si, you ever use these before? Why would I use chopsticks? You were in Vietnam, Si.
- I used my fingers.
- Ugh.
- Here comes our man.
- Here we go, boys.
Hi, sir, how are you doing today? All right, now we're going.
- Wow.
- Watch out.
See how fast that guy's hands is? Can you imagine him with a throwing star? I was pretty surprised that Si had never been to this hibachi restaurant.
- Watch out for your hand.
- Watch out, boy.
Here we go.
This is a paradise for rednecks.
- All right, here we go.
- That's a smiley face.
Little happy face, all right.
Hey! Ho! Watch the beard.
Just look at Godwin.
He can hardly contain himself.
Do it again.
And there's a lot to contain.
My hat.
All right.
Hey, where'd you get that neat hat? Because I'm a chef.
- For a chef? - Yeah.
That's the next item on my bucket list, boys.
I just added to it.
I want to be a hibachi chef and get one of them hats like that.
- You want to be a chef today? - Yeah, I wanna be a chef.
No, no, no, no.
No, yeah.
Hey.
Hey, look, I admit it.
I'm not a chef.
But hey, this hibachi thing, it's a little different.
- I need a hat.
- All right, let's get you - It's a little tight.
- Do you have insurance here? You need my knife.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Go shaolin on us, Si.
Okay, it's all about the show, boys.
Who, whoa, whoa! - Si! Si! - Now I got your attention.
We might ought to make our bucket list right now.
Look, you gotta keep the guests on their toes.
Razzle and dazzle 'em, boys.
Uh-oh.
Hey, ho! Hey, all right.
Get the shells out.
No roughage, boys, roughage.
They could care less what you're gonna feed 'em, as long as they're entertained.
Oh, hey, here we go, hey! Whoa! All right.
Look, boys, perfect! Si, that's not rare, that's raw.
- You ready, Jase? - That's raw! Here you go, buddy.
And if they don't like the food, too bad, okay? They gotta eat it anyway.
It's the polite thing to do.
All right, boys.
Check.
That one's done.
What's next on the list? - Astronaut.
- Uh, what's after that? Well, bull riding, I guess.
- Let's do that.
- Yep.
Si, I know the perfect place for you to ride a bull.
Boy, high schools have a smell, don't they? Kay, do you remember any of this stuff? Oh, man.
Cheerleading stuff.
Oh, my goodness.
Hey, Dad, we need to check in.
Go Bearcats! Go Bearcats! That sounds like a bearcat with a bad cold.
Bear cats! I never knew that looking for my lost high school diploma would bring back so many fun memories.
Go, team, go, go, go! I remember I always loved hanging out in the hallways.
See, I can't really do anything without my pom-poms! Just causing a ruckus with other kids.
- Go for the Bearcats! - You're gonna get us in trouble.
I want to go look where my locker was, okay? Until we'd get in trouble for making too much noise.
You used to just bang - This is it.
- It's the perfect height for you.
Excuse me, can I help you? - Busted.
- Uh, yeah, we were - I used to go here.
- She said she graduated here.
I graduated from here.
Well, we're glad to have former Bearcats, but all visitors have to check in with the principal in the office.
- I told you.
- John Luke, I told you, son.
- We told him.
- I told you.
We told him.
These high school kids.
I can't read, I didn't have my glasses with me.
Hey, have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? - No.
- You're welcome.
Si, you'd better be careful.
Even them fake ones'll hurt you, now.
What are you talking about? I'll jump on top of that sucker like that, grab hold, go, "Heya, heya!" I'll probably go ahead and keep my tea with me.
Some of the items on Si's bucket list are just plain out dangerous.
Ride! Go ahead, son, gimme! Is that the best you got? Y'all want to ride the bull? Do I want to ride that bull? Well, of course I want to ride that bull.
I'm all for Si completing his bucket list.
I just don't want him to kick the bucket.
- Step right up, sir.
- Uh-oh.
Low So what we're really trying to do here, is protect Si from Si.
Oh! - All right, boys.
- There he goes.
Come here, you big sucker.
Turn the thing on.
Kick it up to eleven.
Let's go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Hi-yo, Silver! Whoa, hey, hey! - Good grief! - Is this in slow motion? Hey, ride or die! Hey, turn this puppy off.
That's it! Uh-oh.
That was a fine ride, sir.
Fine ride.
- Good job, Si.
- All right.
Well, you rode the bull and lived to tell about it.
Next thing, astronaut, boys.
- We got something else for you.
- Yeah, we do.
Get your tea and let's get out of here.
- Hello.
How are you all doing? - Oh! How are you? - I'm Ricky, principal here.
- How you doing? Al Robertson.
- Good, how you doing? - Hey, Ricky how you doing? Nice to see you.
You know, we don't actually have the diploma here, - but we've got - Did somebody steal it? If the diploma exists, we'll put into the state for it, and they'll send it to you in the mail.
That is not Why did I get in trouble for making Cs? - F.
I may not have had the best grades in high school, but it's because I was busy doing other things It's like a Spanish dictionary.
What about American history? Thought I did better than that.
like getting married and having a baby.
You had one "A" in home economics.
Of course, well that makes perfect sense.
Plus, if truth be told, I didn't like studying very much.
We found something that might be a little interesting.
This is a yearbook from back in 1966.
- It's got a picture and name there.
- Oh, my goodness.
Oh, look, everybody else has all their stuff.
"Honor roll, letter award, baseball.
" Marsha Kay Robertson.
Blank space.
- Whatever you can think of - I "showed up.
" - Well, look at it.
There it is.
- I just don't know Are you gonna say you're sorry? - Are you gonna say you were wrong? - I'm not so clear.
- It's kinda hazy.
- I'm in a book with a cap and gown.
What's hazy about that? We do take these graduation pictures usually well before the end of the year.
- So - Bing, bing, bing! - I did graduate.
- Mom, we're proud of you for all you've accomplished without a high school degree.
Stop it, Willie.
- What do you think? - I ain't going up in that.
It was on your bucket list.
What I was thinking about was a few balloons tied to a rickety chair.
- It's a basket.
- Tied to a big balloon.
It's looks like a big snow cone.
What's the worst thing that could happen? I could die.
Look, boys, I don't have dying on my bucket list.
I dare you to do it.
I'll tell you what.
Don't ever dare me.
All right, boys.
Hey, look, I would rather die doing something dangerous than live my whole life as a chicken.
Know this, if I die, I will come back and haunt you.
Plus, I would make one heck of a scary ghost.
Yeah, I'm telling you.
Hey, boys, I'm fixing to go where no man has gone before Up! Bon voyage.
I'll admit, I thought Si was overreacting when he started talking about all this bucket list stuff.
Oh, this is cool, boys.
Whoa! But hearing his screams of joy as this balloon lifted him in the air, it's made it all worth it.
Oh, were going up, up up and away! We did a good thing for the old man.
The only problem is, there are a lot more things on this bucket list to do.
Check! Oh, no! My bucket list! - It's gone.
- Good riddance.
Problem solved.
- I'm the king of the world, boys! - Uh-oh.
Y'all are looking like ants.
Except for you, Godwin.
It's hard to believe the time has come for my son to graduate from high school.
John Luke Robertson.
It has been the most wonderful privilege to watch John Luke grow up over the last 18 years.
Class of 2015, you may switch your tassels.
And I'm just so proud of the man he's become.
Ladies and gentlemen, the class of 2015.
And even though it's hard letting your baby go, it's a little easier knowing the bright future that he's got ahead of him.
Before we go, I had something special I wanted to do right here.
Me and John Luke got together, and Al and, uh we found a little hidden treasure for Miss Kay.
Since the whole family's here for John Luke's graduation tonight, I decided this would be the perfect time to give my mom a little surprise.
All right, you're gonna need this, Mom, for this.
- This? - Put this on.
I never wore one of these.
I don't usually like to admit when I'm wrong, but after making a few calls to the Board of Education, I'm happy to say I was wrong.
This is the moment in time we've been waiting over fifty something years for this to happen.
The state of Louisiana grants the high school diploma after a long wait, to Marsha Kay Carroway Robertson.
Congratulations, Miss Kay.
And I stand corrected.
We do have a diploma.
Oh I've got chills thinking about this.
Some people didn't take my word.
I had to live through that doubt.
People I mean, they all but called me a liar.
You know, I'm not saying who it was.
But he's close, if you know what I mean.
Willie.
John Luke, I'm so proud of you.
And now I'm proud of me.
I finally got this.
And that's all that matters.
I can't wait to show it to Bobo.
- Throw your hat.
- Throw your hat! - Throw it.
- Okay, here it comes! Uh-oh.
Only one final point.
America never, I mean never, give up on a dream.
Don't give up! Don't give up, America! I'm so proud of John Luke, but I'm more proud of me.
All right, let's bow.
Father, we believe you created the cosmos, we believe you created us, we are grateful, and I pray in the name of Jesus, amen.
- Amen.
- Let's dig in.
It's unfortunate that life doesn't always turn out the way you hoped it would.
It takes courage to make your dreams come true.
That's why it's important to take the goals of your loved ones seriously, whether it means giving your mother the benefit of the doubt, cheering your son on as he graduates high school, or even helping your crazy uncle checking some items off his bucket list.
When your loved ones decide to pursue their dreams, the best thing you can give them is your support, even if that means listening to your uncle go on and on about his bucket list.
Hey, I've got something else for the bucket list, guys.
Is it doing the dishes? No, it's parachuting into a volcano.
I've done dishes before.