SpongeBob SquarePants s08e10 Episode Script
Oral Report
SpongeBob, why aren't those orders up yet? SpongeBob, the collective blood sugar out here is getting dangerously low.
Why are you grilling index cards? Sorry Squidward, I got a little distracted.
I'm practicing my oral report for boating school tomorrow.
You know SpongeBob, statistics show that public speaking is the #3 cause of stress, right behind death and marriage.
Now get those orders ready! Okay, okay! What's so scary about public speaking, anyway? You just stand in front of the public and speak publicly.
It's really no different than what I do every day.
No big deal, SpongeBob.
You just stand in front of them.
All of them looking at me.
With their eyes! Ah! Squidward is right.
Public speaking is frightening.
Must I do everything myself? Huh? Stay back.
You'll get your patty when it's your turn.
I never knew an audience could get so physical.
This changes everything! Oh sorry, wrong rock.
Patrick, I wonder if you'd help me by lending me your eyes.
Okay.
No, no, you can keep them.
I just want you to watch me while I practice my speech up here.
Just pretend you're a student at his desk.
Okay.
Hold on! I'd like to sit in the back of the class.
Okay, here goes.
"Boating safety" SpongeBob, can I have a hall pass? Not now, Patrick.
Just sit tight and let me practice.
Fine.
"Boating safety" Boring! Next! Patrick, you're kind of derailing the proceedings here.
Just focus on me, huh.
All right, all right.
So, without further ado Patrick? Patrick, wake up.
What happened, Patrick? Oh come on, SpongeBob.
You think everyone can stay awake for your boring speech? I don't know.
Do you think that's too much to expect? Yes! And you should be prepared for worse.
Worse? You're gonna have things thrown at you you wouldn't believe.
You gotta be ready! Now try again.
Okay.
Boating safe-- Boating sa-- That's it! Patrick, nobody throws pillows in class! Says you! Speech! Boating sa-- SpongeBob SquarePants, what a mess you've made of my classroom.
You sort of had a hand in that too, Patrick.
Young man, how dare you? Wha-- a detention slip? I'm not hearing your oral report.
Okay.
Boating safety Try again! Boating safety Come on, SquarePants, is this the best you can do? Patrick, somehow I don't think this is working.
Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Patrick, stop.
Somehow your help just isn't helping.
I am more nervous about this oral report than I've ever been about anything.
Yeah, you do look pretty terrible.
If I don't do my report, then I don't pass.
And if I don't pass, then I don't get my boating license.
Wait buddy, I know how you can get your boating license.
Your friend the squirrel girl is real good with her paws.
Maybe she can make you a fake one.
No, Patrick, that's illegal.
But she might be able to help me get over this anxiety.
She's always speaking at science conferences.
She's probably full of pointers.
Yeah, or she probably has a robot that can demolish the whole school for ya.
White knuckles, leaky pores, stomach in knots.
Yep, he looks pretty bad.
SpongeBob, you're afflicted with severe oral-report-itis.
You know, patients with this disease have been known to physically explode.
Kerpow! It has been scientifically proven that 85% of speech-related stress can be alleviated if the speaker imagines the audience in their underwear.
Everyone will look so silly, you won't even remember you're nervous, which is why I invented these: goggles that let you see people in their undies or I could just make you a fake boating license.
That's still illegal.
Give me the goggles.
It's not working.
Well, of course it isn't working, silly.
I'm only wearing my undies.
See if they work on Patrick.
Eww, they work.
And they were never heard from again.
Thank you, Billy.
That was an excellent report.
Next, we have SpongeBob SquarePants.
Go on, buddy.
Well SpongeBob? Do you have your oral report ready? The assignment I gave you? The one where you talk in front of the class? Oh, yeah, of course I'm ready.
I can do it.
Umm Oh no oh no What are you doing? Mrs.
Puff, do I really have to do this? No.
Only if you wanna pass this class.
Okay.
My report is on Must be last-minute jitters.
Patrick, where are those goggles? Here, let me polish them up for you.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hurry up! It's working! What's all this laughing about? Well, SpongeBob? Boating safety is the responsibility of every boater in the ocean because Well, don't just stand there.
Get on with it.
They're all staring.
Whoa! Hey, where are you going? You forgot the goggles.
SpongeBob, wait! Wait! SpongeBob! You can't take my boat! SpongeBob! Wait! SpongeBob! Get back here with my boat! Yay! Yeah! Talk about a slow day at the office, huh? You said it, partner.
My button's itchin' for the noggin of a lawbreaker.
Okay, forget what I just said.
Sponge, pull over.
I don't know how.
SpongeBob! All right kid, what was that all about? Don't you know anything about boating safety? Boating safety? Yes, officer, I do.
Boating safety is the responsibility of every boater in the ocean.
Each boater must follow the rules and regulations stipulated in the boater's safety handbook.
A motor vehicle is 2,000 pounds of blah-blah.
Gee kid, that was beautiful.
Yeah, I never even knew some of those things myself.
Ah-ha! Finally, the long arm of the law has caught up with you.
I guess I won't be seeing you in my driver's education class for the next five to ten years! Wait, wait, Ms.
Chuckles, did you say you were his boating instructor? Yes.
What? Under penal code 26-1 quote "The boating instructor is responsible" "for any minor's delinquent actions under that teacher's care.
" Unquote.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to take you in, madam.
What? No! Hey buddy, you got over your fear of giving an oral talking thing.
Hey, I did.
Thanks, pal.
Oh, that reminds me.
You forgot these.
Whoa! They really work And what are you looking at?
Why are you grilling index cards? Sorry Squidward, I got a little distracted.
I'm practicing my oral report for boating school tomorrow.
You know SpongeBob, statistics show that public speaking is the #3 cause of stress, right behind death and marriage.
Now get those orders ready! Okay, okay! What's so scary about public speaking, anyway? You just stand in front of the public and speak publicly.
It's really no different than what I do every day.
No big deal, SpongeBob.
You just stand in front of them.
All of them looking at me.
With their eyes! Ah! Squidward is right.
Public speaking is frightening.
Must I do everything myself? Huh? Stay back.
You'll get your patty when it's your turn.
I never knew an audience could get so physical.
This changes everything! Oh sorry, wrong rock.
Patrick, I wonder if you'd help me by lending me your eyes.
Okay.
No, no, you can keep them.
I just want you to watch me while I practice my speech up here.
Just pretend you're a student at his desk.
Okay.
Hold on! I'd like to sit in the back of the class.
Okay, here goes.
"Boating safety" SpongeBob, can I have a hall pass? Not now, Patrick.
Just sit tight and let me practice.
Fine.
"Boating safety" Boring! Next! Patrick, you're kind of derailing the proceedings here.
Just focus on me, huh.
All right, all right.
So, without further ado Patrick? Patrick, wake up.
What happened, Patrick? Oh come on, SpongeBob.
You think everyone can stay awake for your boring speech? I don't know.
Do you think that's too much to expect? Yes! And you should be prepared for worse.
Worse? You're gonna have things thrown at you you wouldn't believe.
You gotta be ready! Now try again.
Okay.
Boating safe-- Boating sa-- That's it! Patrick, nobody throws pillows in class! Says you! Speech! Boating sa-- SpongeBob SquarePants, what a mess you've made of my classroom.
You sort of had a hand in that too, Patrick.
Young man, how dare you? Wha-- a detention slip? I'm not hearing your oral report.
Okay.
Boating safety Try again! Boating safety Come on, SquarePants, is this the best you can do? Patrick, somehow I don't think this is working.
Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech! Patrick, stop.
Somehow your help just isn't helping.
I am more nervous about this oral report than I've ever been about anything.
Yeah, you do look pretty terrible.
If I don't do my report, then I don't pass.
And if I don't pass, then I don't get my boating license.
Wait buddy, I know how you can get your boating license.
Your friend the squirrel girl is real good with her paws.
Maybe she can make you a fake one.
No, Patrick, that's illegal.
But she might be able to help me get over this anxiety.
She's always speaking at science conferences.
She's probably full of pointers.
Yeah, or she probably has a robot that can demolish the whole school for ya.
White knuckles, leaky pores, stomach in knots.
Yep, he looks pretty bad.
SpongeBob, you're afflicted with severe oral-report-itis.
You know, patients with this disease have been known to physically explode.
Kerpow! It has been scientifically proven that 85% of speech-related stress can be alleviated if the speaker imagines the audience in their underwear.
Everyone will look so silly, you won't even remember you're nervous, which is why I invented these: goggles that let you see people in their undies or I could just make you a fake boating license.
That's still illegal.
Give me the goggles.
It's not working.
Well, of course it isn't working, silly.
I'm only wearing my undies.
See if they work on Patrick.
Eww, they work.
And they were never heard from again.
Thank you, Billy.
That was an excellent report.
Next, we have SpongeBob SquarePants.
Go on, buddy.
Well SpongeBob? Do you have your oral report ready? The assignment I gave you? The one where you talk in front of the class? Oh, yeah, of course I'm ready.
I can do it.
Umm Oh no oh no What are you doing? Mrs.
Puff, do I really have to do this? No.
Only if you wanna pass this class.
Okay.
My report is on Must be last-minute jitters.
Patrick, where are those goggles? Here, let me polish them up for you.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Hurry up! It's working! What's all this laughing about? Well, SpongeBob? Boating safety is the responsibility of every boater in the ocean because Well, don't just stand there.
Get on with it.
They're all staring.
Whoa! Hey, where are you going? You forgot the goggles.
SpongeBob, wait! Wait! SpongeBob! You can't take my boat! SpongeBob! Wait! SpongeBob! Get back here with my boat! Yay! Yeah! Talk about a slow day at the office, huh? You said it, partner.
My button's itchin' for the noggin of a lawbreaker.
Okay, forget what I just said.
Sponge, pull over.
I don't know how.
SpongeBob! All right kid, what was that all about? Don't you know anything about boating safety? Boating safety? Yes, officer, I do.
Boating safety is the responsibility of every boater in the ocean.
Each boater must follow the rules and regulations stipulated in the boater's safety handbook.
A motor vehicle is 2,000 pounds of blah-blah.
Gee kid, that was beautiful.
Yeah, I never even knew some of those things myself.
Ah-ha! Finally, the long arm of the law has caught up with you.
I guess I won't be seeing you in my driver's education class for the next five to ten years! Wait, wait, Ms.
Chuckles, did you say you were his boating instructor? Yes.
What? Under penal code 26-1 quote "The boating instructor is responsible" "for any minor's delinquent actions under that teacher's care.
" Unquote.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to take you in, madam.
What? No! Hey buddy, you got over your fear of giving an oral talking thing.
Hey, I did.
Thanks, pal.
Oh, that reminds me.
You forgot these.
Whoa! They really work And what are you looking at?