Bewitched (1964) s08e11 Episode Script
The Warlock in the Gray Flannel Suit
Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[.]
Just toast, honey.
Things are really piling up at the office.
We have a chance of closing on the Monticello Carpet account.
[YELPS.]
Why, Durwood, I didn't know you cared.
Mother.
Endora, would you kindly give us some warning when you're coming by? Sending something ahead of you that's not so frightening.
Like a dragon.
Darrin.
I'll send a fire-breathing one, and we'll find out how inflammable you are.
Mother.
Endora, I am officially informing you that you are trespassing here.
Darrin! I think I'm in a rut.
Have you told him? Of course not.
Because I'm not going.
Uh, not going where? My cousin Panda's getting married.
It would be a disgrace if Samantha missed the wedding.
They were very close as children.
Well, maybe we could make it.
When is it? Next weekend.
In Hong Kong.
It's out of the question.
Endora.
Mother, that's not funny.
He treats you like a prisoner, you might as well look like one.
I am not a prisoner in this house.
Except when you show up.
DARRIN: The point is, Endora, I would want Sam to go to the wedding, but we just got back from Europe and work is piling up at the office, and I just cannot get away at this time.
I will send my apologies to Panda.
I'm sure she'll understand.
You actually mean you're going to let Durwood's silly job keep you from You bet your sweet broomstick.
Oh, how quaint.
Mother, would you mind springing me? Of course not, dear.
Thanks a lot.
I'll see you at the wedding, my darling.
What did she mean by that? I, uh I think I'd rather not think about it.
[NARRATOR READING ON-SCREEN TEXT.]
[.]
[.]
Powers of day, powers of flight.
Bring Alonzo here, into my sight! [THUNDER CRASHES.]
Endora, baby, this is a pleasant surprise.
Alonzo, you look perfectly disreputable.
Well, thank you.
I'm just doing my thing.
Beautiful trip, but what am I doing here? Have I ever told you about Samantha's mortal marriage? Not more than a thousand times.
The fact is, Durwood's job is preventing Samantha from attending Panda's wedding.
Panda's getting married? [GROANS.]
Who's the unlucky dude? Never mind the critique.
Your job will be to un-job Durwood, so to speak.
It's people like you who give witches a bad rep.
Thank you.
I dig cutting up as much as the next cat, but I think I dig Samantha more, so find yourself another boy.
Perhaps Perhaps I could persuade you? Never.
I happen to be heavy in integrity.
But I happen to know people in high places.
And one word from me and you could find yourself roasting like a marshmallow in an active volcano.
So much for my integrity.
All right, where do I find this Durwood? If Cushman buys these concepts for his carpets, we have a good chance of landing all the other Monticello products.
The fabrics, the plastics, the wall paneling, everything.
Larry, do you know when you talk about money, your eyes light up? Of course.
I'm a greedy person.
[LAUGHS.]
Mr.
Tate Yes, Betty? Excuse me for interrupting, but there's a man out in reception room, and I can't seem to get rid of him.
He's pretty weird.
Oh? Well, relax, Betty.
[.]
Well? Very well, and you? What is the idea of bringing this bike into the office? The idea is, I looked around out front.
I'm not sure this is a safe neighborhood.
Well, this office is not a garage, so will you Which one of you is McMann? Neither.
I'm Mr.
Tate.
What is it you want? I wanna see Mr.
McMann.
His name comes first.
He's gotta be the honcho here.
I happen to be the brightest copywriter to ever set foot on Madison Avenue.
Well, Mr.
McMann is chairman of the board.
Mr.
Tate is the president.
And as president, I'd advise you to hop back on your cycle and buzz off.
Tail of newt and eye of bat.
This is where the spell is at.
Even though it's what he'd hate.
Now all I say appeals to Tate.
Well, I'm gonna buzz off now, but I thought a man in your position was interested in ideas.
We're perfectly capable of coming up with our own ideas.
I was talking to Mr.
Tate.
And I liked what you were saying.
You know, if you have some ideas, of course I want to hear them.
But how did you happen to pick McMann & Tate? Because I've seen your ads, Daddy.
[GRUNTS.]
You need me.
[LAUGHS.]
That is pretty insulting.
LARRY: Darrin.
Let's not be rude to our guest.
Why don't we step into our office, Mr My name's Alonzo.
Alonzo.
[LAUGHS.]
[.]
Now, don't you let anybody steal my chopper.
[WHOOPS.]
Right on! Come in, sit down.
Put it right there.
Alonzo, I would like to point out to you that McMann & Tate is a very successful advertising agency.
And we don't need people wandering in off the street passing out advice.
Who is he? [LAUGHS.]
He's one of our top account executives, Darrin Stephens.
Oh, man, what a bad scene.
What this agency needs is to radically modify its advertising concepts.
What you need is words with inner meaning, words that sing and are in tune with universal vibrations.
Universal vibrations? Words that sing.
Now, that grabs me.
Mr.
Tate, I'm a philosopher and a poet.
Words are my bag.
I can tune your advertising copy to the rhythm that beats through everybody like a cosmic drum.
[GRUNTS.]
Can you dig it? I can, I can.
Well, I can't.
[SIGHS.]
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but my approach is only for people with special sensitivities.
You know what I mean? One of your shortcomings, Darrin.
Oh, fine.
You two can enjoy your sensitivity class.
I've got better things to do.
Alonzo, are you familiar with Monticello Carpets? Now, wait a minute, Larry.
We're all set with our ideas for Monticello.
It can't hurt to hear what this young man has to offer.
As you pointed out, Darrin, he just came in off the street and that's exactly who we're trying to reach.
The man in the street.
Mr.
Tate, I think you dig my philosophy.
I do, I do.
Well, let's see what I can come up with for Monticello.
[LAUGHS.]
Uh, Larry, don't tell me you're going to fall for this rubbish.
Darrin, it's not my fault if you don't dig the universal vibrations.
ALONZO [CHANTING.]
: Om.
Beautiful.
Om.
He's got it.
I hope it's not contagious.
What are you doing? "Om" is the sound of the vibrations and motions of the energy of nature and the universe.
It helps me meditate.
On Monticello Carpets? Om.
I've got it! He's got it! [.]
Well, let's see it, Alonzo, let's see it.
Now, I don't guarantee you're gonna like it, but all I can say is this is in tune with the human pulsations of all mankind and you're gonna feel it throughout your whole being.
FLURPITY FLURP! Flurpity Flurp? [NASALLY.]
I didn't say Flurpity Flurp.
I said FLURPITY FLURP! Okay, Larry, now what do you think of your? Bravo, bravo! Well, I don't get it.
Why not? It's obvious.
I'm afraid the simplicity of it's too much for him, but that's all right, I'll explain.
Flurpity Flurp is the sound of bare feet on a Monticello carpet.
Of course, of course.
It makes you think of the silky softness of a priceless Comanche prayer rug.
It's like a poem.
Don't stop now, Alonzo.
See what else you can come up with.
Right on.
Excuse me, I'm gonna plug in to the universal energy.
Larry Shh! [.]
Om.
Om.
Larry, just because a guy has a lot of hair doesn't mean he's a genius.
And because he stands on his head and says "Om" doesn't mean he's a philosopher.
Believe me, there are deeper thoughts in fortune cookies.
Darrin, I know you mean well, and I realize that you feel your position at McMann & Tate is being threatened by a talented newcomer.
But there is no I'm beginning to think there is more to this newcomer than meets the eye.
Excuse me, I've gotta make a call.
SAMANTHA: Hello? Sam, your mother, the Wicked Witch of the West, has struck again.
What happened? She sent some freak named Alonzo in here with a lot of weird ideas, and apparently put a spell on Larry to love them all.
One thing you can say about my mother: She's a mother-in-law.
The one thing I can say about your mother is censorable.
I'll get in touch with her right away.
In the meantime, I'll try and fight off this weirdo.
O-o-okay.
Bye-bye.
Goodbye.
[.]
Hummingbird and dragonfly wings.
Palm and Borrego Springs.
Timbuktu and Irish stew.
Wherever you are, let's hear from you.
Mother! Mom.
[GROANS.]
Om.
Mr.
Tate, I've got it.
The absolute, ultimate, the jewel in the bud of the lotus.
Words that sing? Not this time.
Now, you're gonna get it right away, Mr.
Tate, but Mr.
Stephens may need a few words of preparation.
That's for sure.
Now, white is the symbol of purity, of flawlessness, of transcendental beauty, and I've tried to tie this all in with Monticello Carpets.
[.]
A blank page? That's where I start my ideas.
And then clutter them up? What do you think, Mr.
Tate? Far out.
And how is anybody going to identify this with the product? Well, the card isn't really blank.
[.]
"Monticello Carpets.
" Alonzo, we're going to present these ideas at the meeting this afternoon.
I'd better be there with our backup ideas, just in case Mr.
Cushman has an attack of his usual good judgment.
He's very down, Mr.
Tate.
Alonzo's right.
Maybe we'd better handle this ourselves.
Darrin, have the Art Department put a mat around this.
Uh, Larry, I am not the office boy.
Not yet.
Larry, the ideas that this weirdo is coming up with are nothing.
A typical reactionary comment.
If you know so much, maybe you should find yourself a nice little empty office and start your own agency.
I don't want to stand in your way.
Larry, there's something I wish I could tell you, 'cause I know it would change your view, but I can't.
What is it? I just told you.
Told me what? That I can't tell you.
[SIGHS.]
Darrin, why don't you leave us alone? Alonzo and I have work to do.
Right.
I think I'll go and have a drink of lunch.
[.]
[.]
Hi.
Sam.
Larry told me I'd find you here.
What's more important is, did you find your mother? Well, she's sort of got her phone off the hook.
Naturally, you didn't get anyplace with Larry.
Nowhere.
And I have a good mind to quit.
Uh-uh, Darrin, don't do that.
I have a feeling that's exactly what mother is up to.
What do you mean? Well, if you're out of a job, she figures that we can go to Panda's wedding next weekend.
You're kidding.
If I know my mother Sam, what amazes me is that a wonderful person like you could have such a monster for a mother.
I'll, uh, pretend that was a compliment.
Exactly how did you leave things with Larry? He practically dared me to open my own agency.
Why don't you? No, that wouldn't be fair.
I mean, after all, he is under a spell.
He's under a spell to like Alonzo's ideas, not to invite you to quit.
Yeah.
And one low blow deserves another.
What's more, there is a vacant office right across the hall from McMann & Tate.
Terrific.
Could you, uh, use a little witchly help? You know, Sam, I think maybe this is an occasion where we could bend the rules a bit.
[.]
Now, uh, for your sign.
Something distinguished, but not too small.
Mm.
Uh mm.
Incidentally, that's 24-karat gold.
But if you prefer platinum, I think Ah-ah-ah.
Don't tamper with perfection.
Hi, Larry.
Oh, hello, Sam.
Darrin.
What are you doing here? I'm helping Darrin decorate.
LARRY: What's that? That's a sign, Larry.
I know it's a sign.
But what's it doing there? Well, Larry you're the one who suggested I open my own office.
I didn't say for you to open it right across the hall.
I thought I might get some of your, uh, overflow.
Well, that's very unethical.
How did you get it done so fast? Darrin's a fast worker.
I ought to know.
I don't think you'll be able to transact much business in an empty office.
Impossible.
How long have you been planning this? Well, we've only been working on it 20 minutes.
Nice, isn't it? [LAUGHS.]
Mr.
Cushman.
Heh.
Oh, hello, Mr.
Cushman.
Hello, Stephens.
Uh, Mr.
Cushman, I May I present my wife, Samantha? How do you do, Mr.
Cushman? It's a pleasure to meet you.
Uh, Mr.
Cushman I've always admired your husband's taste in advertising, and now I see he shows the same good taste in choosing a wife.
Well, that's very flattering.
But don't give him too much credit.
I picked him.
Well, shall we Just a minute.
Is that something new? Oh, yes.
In fact, I have some ideas you might be interested in after your meeting.
Shall we go in? Fine.
Hope to see you again, Mrs.
Stevens.
Just flow over any time.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I guess I'd better see if I can cancel out.
Alonzo's powers of persuasion.
Sam? Right here, sweetheart.
See you later.
Mr.
Cushman, I want you to meet Alonzo, a far-out young genius who just joined the company.
Peace, baby.
I'm gonna lay it on you.
By applying the philosophical concepts of modern Zen to advertising, those who see the ads will feel a real compulsion to buy the product.
In this case, Monticello Carpets.
An enormously exciting approach.
Zen in advertising? Well, this business is cracky.
[CHUCKLES.]
Who knows? Ah, you start him off, Alonzo.
Let him have it.
Mr.
Cushman, baby, here are some words that sing.
Flurpity Flurp? Those aren't even words.
As for singing, they only hiccup a little.
It's the seductive sound of bare feet on a carpet.
Groove on.
Pretty soon, you're gonna feel the universal vibrations [WHOOPS.]
And they gonna touch you.
Ow, that's hot.
Wait a minute.
There's a witch in here.
A witch? What's this guy on? I can sense it, I can feel it.
Oh, what a bummer.
Tail of newt and eye of bat.
Take the spell off this here cat I'm gonna split.
This room has bad vibes.
Who dragged him in here? Darrin.
It was Darrin who warned me about him, but I didn't listen.
Speaking of Darrin, I think I'll just flow across the hall and meet with him.
Uh, no, no, no, I would hardly recommend Darrin.
I mean, I would heartily recommend Darrin.
That's very generous of you.
Mr.
Cushman, why go across the hall and talk to Darrin, when it's been me who's been training him all these years? I mean, draining him.
I mean, most of his ideas are mine anyway.
I mean, I make them mine.
Ah, the most humane thing I can do for you now is to leave.
[.]
Flurpity Flurp! [SOBBING.]
How could I? "Wall to wall love.
Monticello Carpets.
" DARRIN: It's simple, has a certain elegance, and tells a story.
What do you think, Mrs.
Stephens? Well, I'm prejudiced, but I love it.
I think I do, too.
Stevens, you've got a deal.
Hey, great, Mr.
Cushman.
[.]
[.]
Darrin.
About the new agency and the, uh, Monticello Carpet account.
Don't you think? Yeah.
But I'll let Larry stew a while before I give in.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Hi, Sam.
Larry.
I was just on my way home and I thought I'd drop in.
This isn't on your way home.
Darrin, Larry's trying to make a gesture.
Well, I'm making one too.
Goodbye.
Come on in, Larry.
Here.
Oh, were you expecting me? Well, we always keep an extra for the drop-in trade.
Heh.
I just wanted to say that in spite of everything, we can still be friends.
Oh, well, let's drink to that.
[SIGHS.]
Of course, the office won't seem the same without you.
We've had some great times, Darrin.
We're both going to miss them.
Larry, are you asking Darrin to come back? No.
I just wanted him to know that I still have the highest regard for him.
How'd you do with Cushman? Locked it up.
You sold him the ideas we had? He loved them.
You ingrate.
Ingrate? Right.
You took advantage of one little mistake.
A tiny error in judgment on my part.
What do you mean? Well, it's obvious.
Since I'm never wrong, you very shrewdly waited for the one inevitable moment when I would make that little slip that proves that nobody's perfect.
Then you cunningly took advantage of it, making it look like I fired you.
Would you like to repeat that, Larry? Not necessarily.
What hurts me is that I recommended you to Cushman.
Heartily.
Well, I I think in that case, Darrin, you should, uh, forgive and forget.
But first, let's have an understanding.
I want to do something special for you.
Oh, that's not necessary.
I insist.
Name it.
Uh, no.
I'll let you name it.
How does this sound? McMann, Tate & Stephens.
It sounds great.
Well, one of these days, if you keep out of any future trouble, that's the way it's going to read.
Ciao.
[.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I thought you put a spell on him.
I did.
Well, what happened to McMann, Tate & Stephens? I tried.
It just proves that where Larry is concerned even witchcraft has its limits.
[CHUCKLES.]
[.]
This is Elizabeth Montgomery inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[.]
Just toast, honey.
Things are really piling up at the office.
We have a chance of closing on the Monticello Carpet account.
[YELPS.]
Why, Durwood, I didn't know you cared.
Mother.
Endora, would you kindly give us some warning when you're coming by? Sending something ahead of you that's not so frightening.
Like a dragon.
Darrin.
I'll send a fire-breathing one, and we'll find out how inflammable you are.
Mother.
Endora, I am officially informing you that you are trespassing here.
Darrin! I think I'm in a rut.
Have you told him? Of course not.
Because I'm not going.
Uh, not going where? My cousin Panda's getting married.
It would be a disgrace if Samantha missed the wedding.
They were very close as children.
Well, maybe we could make it.
When is it? Next weekend.
In Hong Kong.
It's out of the question.
Endora.
Mother, that's not funny.
He treats you like a prisoner, you might as well look like one.
I am not a prisoner in this house.
Except when you show up.
DARRIN: The point is, Endora, I would want Sam to go to the wedding, but we just got back from Europe and work is piling up at the office, and I just cannot get away at this time.
I will send my apologies to Panda.
I'm sure she'll understand.
You actually mean you're going to let Durwood's silly job keep you from You bet your sweet broomstick.
Oh, how quaint.
Mother, would you mind springing me? Of course not, dear.
Thanks a lot.
I'll see you at the wedding, my darling.
What did she mean by that? I, uh I think I'd rather not think about it.
[NARRATOR READING ON-SCREEN TEXT.]
[.]
[.]
Powers of day, powers of flight.
Bring Alonzo here, into my sight! [THUNDER CRASHES.]
Endora, baby, this is a pleasant surprise.
Alonzo, you look perfectly disreputable.
Well, thank you.
I'm just doing my thing.
Beautiful trip, but what am I doing here? Have I ever told you about Samantha's mortal marriage? Not more than a thousand times.
The fact is, Durwood's job is preventing Samantha from attending Panda's wedding.
Panda's getting married? [GROANS.]
Who's the unlucky dude? Never mind the critique.
Your job will be to un-job Durwood, so to speak.
It's people like you who give witches a bad rep.
Thank you.
I dig cutting up as much as the next cat, but I think I dig Samantha more, so find yourself another boy.
Perhaps Perhaps I could persuade you? Never.
I happen to be heavy in integrity.
But I happen to know people in high places.
And one word from me and you could find yourself roasting like a marshmallow in an active volcano.
So much for my integrity.
All right, where do I find this Durwood? If Cushman buys these concepts for his carpets, we have a good chance of landing all the other Monticello products.
The fabrics, the plastics, the wall paneling, everything.
Larry, do you know when you talk about money, your eyes light up? Of course.
I'm a greedy person.
[LAUGHS.]
Mr.
Tate Yes, Betty? Excuse me for interrupting, but there's a man out in reception room, and I can't seem to get rid of him.
He's pretty weird.
Oh? Well, relax, Betty.
[.]
Well? Very well, and you? What is the idea of bringing this bike into the office? The idea is, I looked around out front.
I'm not sure this is a safe neighborhood.
Well, this office is not a garage, so will you Which one of you is McMann? Neither.
I'm Mr.
Tate.
What is it you want? I wanna see Mr.
McMann.
His name comes first.
He's gotta be the honcho here.
I happen to be the brightest copywriter to ever set foot on Madison Avenue.
Well, Mr.
McMann is chairman of the board.
Mr.
Tate is the president.
And as president, I'd advise you to hop back on your cycle and buzz off.
Tail of newt and eye of bat.
This is where the spell is at.
Even though it's what he'd hate.
Now all I say appeals to Tate.
Well, I'm gonna buzz off now, but I thought a man in your position was interested in ideas.
We're perfectly capable of coming up with our own ideas.
I was talking to Mr.
Tate.
And I liked what you were saying.
You know, if you have some ideas, of course I want to hear them.
But how did you happen to pick McMann & Tate? Because I've seen your ads, Daddy.
[GRUNTS.]
You need me.
[LAUGHS.]
That is pretty insulting.
LARRY: Darrin.
Let's not be rude to our guest.
Why don't we step into our office, Mr My name's Alonzo.
Alonzo.
[LAUGHS.]
[.]
Now, don't you let anybody steal my chopper.
[WHOOPS.]
Right on! Come in, sit down.
Put it right there.
Alonzo, I would like to point out to you that McMann & Tate is a very successful advertising agency.
And we don't need people wandering in off the street passing out advice.
Who is he? [LAUGHS.]
He's one of our top account executives, Darrin Stephens.
Oh, man, what a bad scene.
What this agency needs is to radically modify its advertising concepts.
What you need is words with inner meaning, words that sing and are in tune with universal vibrations.
Universal vibrations? Words that sing.
Now, that grabs me.
Mr.
Tate, I'm a philosopher and a poet.
Words are my bag.
I can tune your advertising copy to the rhythm that beats through everybody like a cosmic drum.
[GRUNTS.]
Can you dig it? I can, I can.
Well, I can't.
[SIGHS.]
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but my approach is only for people with special sensitivities.
You know what I mean? One of your shortcomings, Darrin.
Oh, fine.
You two can enjoy your sensitivity class.
I've got better things to do.
Alonzo, are you familiar with Monticello Carpets? Now, wait a minute, Larry.
We're all set with our ideas for Monticello.
It can't hurt to hear what this young man has to offer.
As you pointed out, Darrin, he just came in off the street and that's exactly who we're trying to reach.
The man in the street.
Mr.
Tate, I think you dig my philosophy.
I do, I do.
Well, let's see what I can come up with for Monticello.
[LAUGHS.]
Uh, Larry, don't tell me you're going to fall for this rubbish.
Darrin, it's not my fault if you don't dig the universal vibrations.
ALONZO [CHANTING.]
: Om.
Beautiful.
Om.
He's got it.
I hope it's not contagious.
What are you doing? "Om" is the sound of the vibrations and motions of the energy of nature and the universe.
It helps me meditate.
On Monticello Carpets? Om.
I've got it! He's got it! [.]
Well, let's see it, Alonzo, let's see it.
Now, I don't guarantee you're gonna like it, but all I can say is this is in tune with the human pulsations of all mankind and you're gonna feel it throughout your whole being.
FLURPITY FLURP! Flurpity Flurp? [NASALLY.]
I didn't say Flurpity Flurp.
I said FLURPITY FLURP! Okay, Larry, now what do you think of your? Bravo, bravo! Well, I don't get it.
Why not? It's obvious.
I'm afraid the simplicity of it's too much for him, but that's all right, I'll explain.
Flurpity Flurp is the sound of bare feet on a Monticello carpet.
Of course, of course.
It makes you think of the silky softness of a priceless Comanche prayer rug.
It's like a poem.
Don't stop now, Alonzo.
See what else you can come up with.
Right on.
Excuse me, I'm gonna plug in to the universal energy.
Larry Shh! [.]
Om.
Om.
Larry, just because a guy has a lot of hair doesn't mean he's a genius.
And because he stands on his head and says "Om" doesn't mean he's a philosopher.
Believe me, there are deeper thoughts in fortune cookies.
Darrin, I know you mean well, and I realize that you feel your position at McMann & Tate is being threatened by a talented newcomer.
But there is no I'm beginning to think there is more to this newcomer than meets the eye.
Excuse me, I've gotta make a call.
SAMANTHA: Hello? Sam, your mother, the Wicked Witch of the West, has struck again.
What happened? She sent some freak named Alonzo in here with a lot of weird ideas, and apparently put a spell on Larry to love them all.
One thing you can say about my mother: She's a mother-in-law.
The one thing I can say about your mother is censorable.
I'll get in touch with her right away.
In the meantime, I'll try and fight off this weirdo.
O-o-okay.
Bye-bye.
Goodbye.
[.]
Hummingbird and dragonfly wings.
Palm and Borrego Springs.
Timbuktu and Irish stew.
Wherever you are, let's hear from you.
Mother! Mom.
[GROANS.]
Om.
Mr.
Tate, I've got it.
The absolute, ultimate, the jewel in the bud of the lotus.
Words that sing? Not this time.
Now, you're gonna get it right away, Mr.
Tate, but Mr.
Stephens may need a few words of preparation.
That's for sure.
Now, white is the symbol of purity, of flawlessness, of transcendental beauty, and I've tried to tie this all in with Monticello Carpets.
[.]
A blank page? That's where I start my ideas.
And then clutter them up? What do you think, Mr.
Tate? Far out.
And how is anybody going to identify this with the product? Well, the card isn't really blank.
[.]
"Monticello Carpets.
" Alonzo, we're going to present these ideas at the meeting this afternoon.
I'd better be there with our backup ideas, just in case Mr.
Cushman has an attack of his usual good judgment.
He's very down, Mr.
Tate.
Alonzo's right.
Maybe we'd better handle this ourselves.
Darrin, have the Art Department put a mat around this.
Uh, Larry, I am not the office boy.
Not yet.
Larry, the ideas that this weirdo is coming up with are nothing.
A typical reactionary comment.
If you know so much, maybe you should find yourself a nice little empty office and start your own agency.
I don't want to stand in your way.
Larry, there's something I wish I could tell you, 'cause I know it would change your view, but I can't.
What is it? I just told you.
Told me what? That I can't tell you.
[SIGHS.]
Darrin, why don't you leave us alone? Alonzo and I have work to do.
Right.
I think I'll go and have a drink of lunch.
[.]
[.]
Hi.
Sam.
Larry told me I'd find you here.
What's more important is, did you find your mother? Well, she's sort of got her phone off the hook.
Naturally, you didn't get anyplace with Larry.
Nowhere.
And I have a good mind to quit.
Uh-uh, Darrin, don't do that.
I have a feeling that's exactly what mother is up to.
What do you mean? Well, if you're out of a job, she figures that we can go to Panda's wedding next weekend.
You're kidding.
If I know my mother Sam, what amazes me is that a wonderful person like you could have such a monster for a mother.
I'll, uh, pretend that was a compliment.
Exactly how did you leave things with Larry? He practically dared me to open my own agency.
Why don't you? No, that wouldn't be fair.
I mean, after all, he is under a spell.
He's under a spell to like Alonzo's ideas, not to invite you to quit.
Yeah.
And one low blow deserves another.
What's more, there is a vacant office right across the hall from McMann & Tate.
Terrific.
Could you, uh, use a little witchly help? You know, Sam, I think maybe this is an occasion where we could bend the rules a bit.
[.]
Now, uh, for your sign.
Something distinguished, but not too small.
Mm.
Uh mm.
Incidentally, that's 24-karat gold.
But if you prefer platinum, I think Ah-ah-ah.
Don't tamper with perfection.
Hi, Larry.
Oh, hello, Sam.
Darrin.
What are you doing here? I'm helping Darrin decorate.
LARRY: What's that? That's a sign, Larry.
I know it's a sign.
But what's it doing there? Well, Larry you're the one who suggested I open my own office.
I didn't say for you to open it right across the hall.
I thought I might get some of your, uh, overflow.
Well, that's very unethical.
How did you get it done so fast? Darrin's a fast worker.
I ought to know.
I don't think you'll be able to transact much business in an empty office.
Impossible.
How long have you been planning this? Well, we've only been working on it 20 minutes.
Nice, isn't it? [LAUGHS.]
Mr.
Cushman.
Heh.
Oh, hello, Mr.
Cushman.
Hello, Stephens.
Uh, Mr.
Cushman, I May I present my wife, Samantha? How do you do, Mr.
Cushman? It's a pleasure to meet you.
Uh, Mr.
Cushman I've always admired your husband's taste in advertising, and now I see he shows the same good taste in choosing a wife.
Well, that's very flattering.
But don't give him too much credit.
I picked him.
Well, shall we Just a minute.
Is that something new? Oh, yes.
In fact, I have some ideas you might be interested in after your meeting.
Shall we go in? Fine.
Hope to see you again, Mrs.
Stevens.
Just flow over any time.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I guess I'd better see if I can cancel out.
Alonzo's powers of persuasion.
Sam? Right here, sweetheart.
See you later.
Mr.
Cushman, I want you to meet Alonzo, a far-out young genius who just joined the company.
Peace, baby.
I'm gonna lay it on you.
By applying the philosophical concepts of modern Zen to advertising, those who see the ads will feel a real compulsion to buy the product.
In this case, Monticello Carpets.
An enormously exciting approach.
Zen in advertising? Well, this business is cracky.
[CHUCKLES.]
Who knows? Ah, you start him off, Alonzo.
Let him have it.
Mr.
Cushman, baby, here are some words that sing.
Flurpity Flurp? Those aren't even words.
As for singing, they only hiccup a little.
It's the seductive sound of bare feet on a carpet.
Groove on.
Pretty soon, you're gonna feel the universal vibrations [WHOOPS.]
And they gonna touch you.
Ow, that's hot.
Wait a minute.
There's a witch in here.
A witch? What's this guy on? I can sense it, I can feel it.
Oh, what a bummer.
Tail of newt and eye of bat.
Take the spell off this here cat I'm gonna split.
This room has bad vibes.
Who dragged him in here? Darrin.
It was Darrin who warned me about him, but I didn't listen.
Speaking of Darrin, I think I'll just flow across the hall and meet with him.
Uh, no, no, no, I would hardly recommend Darrin.
I mean, I would heartily recommend Darrin.
That's very generous of you.
Mr.
Cushman, why go across the hall and talk to Darrin, when it's been me who's been training him all these years? I mean, draining him.
I mean, most of his ideas are mine anyway.
I mean, I make them mine.
Ah, the most humane thing I can do for you now is to leave.
[.]
Flurpity Flurp! [SOBBING.]
How could I? "Wall to wall love.
Monticello Carpets.
" DARRIN: It's simple, has a certain elegance, and tells a story.
What do you think, Mrs.
Stephens? Well, I'm prejudiced, but I love it.
I think I do, too.
Stevens, you've got a deal.
Hey, great, Mr.
Cushman.
[.]
[.]
Darrin.
About the new agency and the, uh, Monticello Carpet account.
Don't you think? Yeah.
But I'll let Larry stew a while before I give in.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Hi, Sam.
Larry.
I was just on my way home and I thought I'd drop in.
This isn't on your way home.
Darrin, Larry's trying to make a gesture.
Well, I'm making one too.
Goodbye.
Come on in, Larry.
Here.
Oh, were you expecting me? Well, we always keep an extra for the drop-in trade.
Heh.
I just wanted to say that in spite of everything, we can still be friends.
Oh, well, let's drink to that.
[SIGHS.]
Of course, the office won't seem the same without you.
We've had some great times, Darrin.
We're both going to miss them.
Larry, are you asking Darrin to come back? No.
I just wanted him to know that I still have the highest regard for him.
How'd you do with Cushman? Locked it up.
You sold him the ideas we had? He loved them.
You ingrate.
Ingrate? Right.
You took advantage of one little mistake.
A tiny error in judgment on my part.
What do you mean? Well, it's obvious.
Since I'm never wrong, you very shrewdly waited for the one inevitable moment when I would make that little slip that proves that nobody's perfect.
Then you cunningly took advantage of it, making it look like I fired you.
Would you like to repeat that, Larry? Not necessarily.
What hurts me is that I recommended you to Cushman.
Heartily.
Well, I I think in that case, Darrin, you should, uh, forgive and forget.
But first, let's have an understanding.
I want to do something special for you.
Oh, that's not necessary.
I insist.
Name it.
Uh, no.
I'll let you name it.
How does this sound? McMann, Tate & Stephens.
It sounds great.
Well, one of these days, if you keep out of any future trouble, that's the way it's going to read.
Ciao.
[.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
I thought you put a spell on him.
I did.
Well, what happened to McMann, Tate & Stephens? I tried.
It just proves that where Larry is concerned even witchcraft has its limits.
[CHUCKLES.]
[.]