Bewitched (1964) s08e12 Episode Script
The Eight-Year Witch
Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[.]
Okay, who's the wise witch? DARRIN: Sam, did you call me? No.
What are these doing here? I thought I left them in my briefcase.
What would you like for breakfast? In fact, I'm sure I left them in my briefcase.
Sam, did you? No, I didn't.
But I did.
Sam, since when did your mother get the idea that our marriage license was her deed to my briefcase? Is it wrong for a mother to try to protect her little girl? Mother, that's what I love about your little visits.
You always bring a ray of sunshine into an otherwise drab existence.
You're half right.
It certainly is a drab existence.
Sam, I think I'll skip breakfast.
[SCOFFS.]
Endora.
Mm.
It's always a pleasure to say goodbye to you.
Mother Now that you have invaded our privacy, would you like to babysit tonight? Oh.
Darrin and I are celebrating the anniversary of our first date.
Must you rub it in? Don't you care if Durwood's briefcase contains a gaggle of centerfolds? Oh, Mother.
In advertising, beautiful girls are merely tools of the trade.
How can a witch of mine be so naive? [ENDORA SOBS.]
Mother.
What? Models like that are just routine.
Have you ever heard of a syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven-year itch? Seven years marriage, and it's off with the old and on with the new.
In case you hadn't noticed, Darrin and I have been married for eight years.
You see? Durwood can't do anything right.
He can do everything right.
I ought to know.
Lady, thou doth protest too much, methinks.
Mother, thou doth butt in too much, methinks.
Mother? ENDORA: What? Are you going to babysit with the kids tonight or not? Of course, darling.
I'll be back in plenty of time.
NARRATOR: [.]
[.]
[.]
[CHANTING INDISTINCTLY.]
Queevy, quavy, English navy Stiglum, staglum, cat.
C-A-T spells "cat".
Ophelia, my sweet.
Come, catch a rat Ophelia.
As a familiar, you shouldn't have too much trouble getting familiar with a mortal dud named Durwood.
[MEOWS.]
[.]
No.
No.
No.
I'm sorry, gentlemen, but she is just not here.
Mr.
Burkeholder, we have to have a cat lady on that tractor before the regional convention in Albany, which, I hasten to remind you, is tonight.
I must admit, we have seen a lot of gorgeous creatures, but I have not seen that certain quality we had in last year's cat girl.
[PHONE BUZZES.]
Yes? BETTY [ON PHONE.]
: Mr.
Stephens, there's a young lady here to see you.
Not now, Betty.
It's another model.
I think you ought to see this one.
Okay, send her in.
[.]
Good afternoon.
My name is Ophelia.
A friend suggested I might be perfect as your cat girl.
What's the trouble? Cat got your tongue? I don't know about you fellas, but I I think we've found our girl.
She's perfect.
Well, I'll admit, she looks good, but shouldn't we check out? Darrin, we don't have much time.
And Mr.
Burkeholder likes what he sees.
So take Ophelia down to the still lab and get started on the photos.
But Larry, how can we be convinced that she's? Just look.
Not at her, at him.
Now, that's pretty convincing.
Okay, Ophelia, first we've gotta fit you in a costume.
While we're shooting the stills, I'll brief you on tonight's activities in Albany.
In Albany? Mm-hm.
We're having the annual sales convention up there.
I'll explain it to you as we go.
Why don't you try leaning back against this? Oh.
There.
Legs out? Yeah, fine.
Okay.
That looks pretty good.
Okay, Chet, she's all yours.
Okay.
Now, watch the birdie.
Birdie? Where? Where? Oh, right here.
Ooh.
[CAMERA CLICKING.]
CHET: Wow, that's it.
[HISSES.]
[CAMERA CLICKING.]
[.]
Okay, that's it.
Well, Darrin, you picked the perfect model.
Thank you.
Well, actually, she picked us.
Yes, thanks to Darrin.
Let's take a break.
Would you like some cream in your coffee? No, just cream.
I'm on a diet.
Ophelia.
Chet.
Well, how's the crash program coming? Just great.
She's terrific, Mr.
Tate.
Yes, Mr.
Stephens gives me a great deal of confidence.
Well, uh, did Mr.
Stephens get the opportunity to brief you on the convention tonight? Oh, yes.
I don't think there'll be any trouble whatsoever.
Mr.
Stephens puts me so at ease, that his very presence is all I need to overcome any stage fright I might have.
Never mind, Ophelia.
You'll be just fine on your own.
On my own? You mean you won't be there? Well, no.
You'll be in the very capable hands of Mr.
Tate and Mr.
Burkeholder.
Oh.
I think I'm having an attack of panic.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr.
Tate, but without Mr.
Stephens, I'm afraid I'd make a mess of it.
I'd be as nervous as a cat.
Don't you worry your head about it, Ophelia.
Darrin will be there.
Right, Svengali? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Wrong.
Stephens, what gave you the idea that you didn't have to go to Albany tonight? Yeah, where'd you get that idea? Yesterday, when you told me it wouldn't be necessary for me to go.
Why would I tell you that when it's been planned all along? All along? Oh, I I don't want to impose on Mr.
Stephens.
He's been so kind.
I don't want to inconvenience him in any way.
Believe me, Ophelia, it's no inconvenience.
I'll try not to trouble you in any way whatsoever.
What really bugs me is why I keep giving in to Larry's ultimatums.
Larry's ultimatums are merely a cry for help.
You know that, and that's why you're going to Albany.
So don't worry about it.
We can celebrate tomorrow night.
No.
I've got a better idea.
This stays here.
I'll fly back right after the banquet.
I can be home easily by midnight.
We'll go out and have a romantic, candlelit supper.
That sounds great.
We'll need a sitter.
You haven't let your mother off the hook, have you? Oh, no.
No, I'm sure she's still around.
Good.
Tell her not to go away.
See you later.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, good heavens.
Well, did you get all that, or would you like an instant replay? First he's hiding pictures.
Then he breaks a dinner date to be with another woman, in another city.
He will be back by midnight, so you'll have to babysit after all.
Oh, guess what.
What? Brace yourself for a famous first from Darrin to you: Don't go away.
Ah.
[MEN CHATTING.]
You couldn't have made a more wonderful choice.
I declare, I don't know who deserves the more credit, you or Stephens.
Or me.
Oh.
Mr.
Stephens deserves all the credit.
Yeah, well, remember, Ophelia.
I'm right next door.
And I'm just down the hall, in case you need anything.
And I'm on my way to the airport.
I've gotta catch the 11:00 plane.
Bon voyage.
Congratulations, Ophelia.
You were just great.
See you tomorrow, Larry.
Mr.
Burkeholder.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Ophelia, I know a nice little restaurant just outside town where we could go for a nightcap.
Well, Mr.
Burkeholder, I'm a little tired.
All I want to do is go and curl up and sleep so that I can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning.
But you're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed right now.
In the morning.
In the morning.
In the morning, what? Good night.
Mr.
Stephens' room, please.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello? [OLDER VOICE.]
Hello, Mr.
Stephens.
This is Reservations at Mohawk Airlines.
Your 11:00 flight for New York has been canceled.
Canceled? Why? We're completely socked in.
Socked in? It's clear as a bell here.
Soup there, hm.
And we don't expect it to lift until morning.
Yeah.
Well, if it does lift, will you call me right away? Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Meow.
Hi, sweetheart.
How'd it go? Everything went great but the weather.
The airport fogged in, and, well, I guess I'm stuck here for the night.
Oh, well, sweetheart, you can't do anything about the weather.
Maybe I could get a car and drive down.
Sweetheart, that's ridiculous.
It's a three-hour drive.
I'll see you in the morning.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Well, mwah, love you.
Mwah, mwah.
Love you too.
Bye-bye.
Let me guess: Another excuse, another delay.
Darrin can't come home tonight because the airport's fogged in.
Mother, you haven't, by any chance, been horsing around with the weather, have you? If anybody's been horsing around, it's probably Durwood.
You didn't answer my question.
I did not horse around with the weather.
Witch's honor.
But I'll give Durwood credit for one thing.
He has no imagination.
What's that supposed to mean? The weather is so easily checked.
Mother, you're beginning to bug me.
When are you ever going to start showing some good sense? [SIGHS.]
Mother, would you like to look at someone showing good sense? Yes.
Okay.
Then take a look at me not paying any attention to you.
I have an errand to run.
Ta-ta.
[.]
Yes? You called for room service, sir? Well, no, I didn't Oh, hello, Mr.
Stephens.
I thought you were going back to New York.
Well, so did I, but my flight was canceled.
Oh, isn't that a shame? Were you ordering a nightcap? No.
I'm sorry, you must have the wrong room.
Yes, sir.
Mr.
Stephens, I can't tell you how relieved I am.
About what? Well, I am sorry that your flight was canceled, but it certainly is comforting that you'll be here for tomorrow's TV interviews.
I'm afraid I won't be here.
I'll be flying back first thing in the morning.
Oh, um, well, then maybe we can discuss the questions tonight.
There are a few places I'd like to scratch.
I mean, cut.
Sure.
Come on in.
Maybe we should have a nightcap.
Okay, I'll call room service.
No, no, no.
I'll go get mine.
I have some.
Would you ring Mr.
Larry Tate, please? [RINGING.]
Hello? Oh, hi, Larry.
I know I was leaving, but the airport got socked in, and I'm stuck here for the night.
Uh, look, would you come over? Why? Well, Ophelia wants to go over the material for her television interviews, and, well, the fact is, I I would rather not be alone with her.
[LAUGHS.]
I think we've got a bad connection.
I thought I heard you say come over because you didn't wanna be alone with her.
That's exactly what I said.
Darrin, you're not well.
I'll be right over.
Hello.
Oh, hi.
Thanks, Ophelia, for bringing this.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Hi, Lar Uh, Larry.
Hi.
Ophelia, uh, you remember Larry Tate.
Oh, yes.
How nice to see you, Mr.
Tate.
Hi.
Ophelia wanted to go over some of the questions she'll be asked at the television interviews.
If they need a little, uh Larry? Of course, if they need a little, uh A little what? Fixing.
[CHUCKLING.]
If they need a little fixing, who am I to argue? To your very good health, Ophelia.
I have a weather report from Albany.
Fair and warmer and clear.
Mother, I'm sure if that's true, Darrin has a logical answer.
Sure.
And I'm Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Mother, I am going to get Aunt Hagatha to babysit while we go to Albany.
We? Why we? Well, no matter what the weather is there, Darrin is lost in a fog, and I wanna find out whose.
Present company included.
Well, if these changes will make you happy, we'll be glad to make them.
OPHELIA: Thank you, Mr.
Stephens.
Shall I make another drink? Thank you.
I thought you'd never ask.
On second thought, Larry, I can handle the rest of the evening by myself.
Why don't you run back to your room.
Why? I thought we were about I'll be glad to go to my room.
After all, two's company, three's a crowd.
Larry, where are you going? To my room.
What for? I don't know.
But I don't think it was my idea.
As a matter of fact, I think I'll have that second drink.
But not before I take a nap.
All right.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
I should've known: Ophelia, doing what comes naturally.
Samantha, how nice to see you.
You could've knocked.
Never mind about her.
What about him? Caught in the act.
In what act? If you don't know, it's too late to teach you.
Ophelia, would you care to tell me who sicced you on my husband? Your husband? Oh, come off it, Ophelia.
I wanna know what this is all about.
Samantha, you know that, as a familiar, I only follow orders.
Ah-ha.
Mother? Are you the one who let the cat out of the bag? Well Endora, I'm not taking the rap on my own.
If there's anything I can't abide, it's a stool pigeon.
I'm leaving.
Mother, you'll get yours.
[ENDORA LAUGHING.]
Ophelia, are you going to tell me what's going on, or would you rather I zapped up a hungry bulldog? All right.
Endora, with your best interests at heart, merely wanted to test your mate's mettle.
Darrin can handle himself, as long as you don't pull any hocus-pocus.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, knock it off, Ophelia.
I know Darrin.
You're not his type.
You wanna make a friendly wager on that? No, but I'll make an unfriendly one, just as long as you let Darrin act of his own free will.
All spells off, and do your worst, Ophelia.
Darrin, may I call you Darrin? Well, certainly.
I have a confession to make.
What's that? I know it sounds silly, but the truth is, I've never met a man who made me feel so secure.
I mean, so perfectly content.
Well, uh, thank you very much.
Heh.
I I mean, uh, well, that's very flattering, but Don't you find me attractive? Oh, uh, of course.
Of course.
Uh, that's the problem.
That, and the fact that I'm married.
[LAUGHING.]
I love married men.
I adore married men.
They're so So Uh, married is what they are.
Oh, well, look at Larry.
I wonder what's wrong with him.
Oh.
That was a very refreshing nap.
I think I'll I'll have another one.
DARRIN: Ophelia, there's something strange going on around here.
And no offense, but I'm not waiting around to find out what it is.
Uh, Larry? Larry? Larry, I'm going to the airport to wait for the fog to lift.
If you wanna sleep, why don't you do it in your own room? Hm.
I feel great, so you just run along, and I'll take care of whatever problems Ophelia has.
Okay, Larry.
See you tomorrow.
So long, Ophelia.
Good luck tomorrow.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Well, I guess I'll have that little drink.
Can I fix you something? OPHELIA: Yes, please.
Now what? Ophelia, I know this is none of my business, but Louise Tate happens to be a good friend.
On second thought, I'd better be getting back to my room.
Of course, if you can't stay, I'll understand.
You will? Mm.
I wish you'd explain it to me.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Ophelia, my sweet, what makes you second best is you try too hard.
[HISSES.]
Ta-ta.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[.]
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Thought you were gonna be stuck in Albany.
Well, so did I.
The darnedest thing happened.
I decided to go to the airport to wait for the fog to lift and when I got there, there wasn't any fog.
I was gonna call you, but I barely made my plane.
Oh, well, that happens sometimes.
The fog lifts.
That's not what happened.
There never was any fog, which means somebody has been horsing around with our evening.
I I know.
I know, sweetheart.
And she promised she'd never do it again.
Promised whom? You.
And the world.
Come on out back.
She said she'd have something for you when you got home.
[.]
Sam, you mean everybody can see that? Anyone who's looking.
I'm certainly glad your mother can't remember my name.
Yes.
There are times when it's a blessing, aren't there? [.]
[.]
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[.]
Okay, who's the wise witch? DARRIN: Sam, did you call me? No.
What are these doing here? I thought I left them in my briefcase.
What would you like for breakfast? In fact, I'm sure I left them in my briefcase.
Sam, did you? No, I didn't.
But I did.
Sam, since when did your mother get the idea that our marriage license was her deed to my briefcase? Is it wrong for a mother to try to protect her little girl? Mother, that's what I love about your little visits.
You always bring a ray of sunshine into an otherwise drab existence.
You're half right.
It certainly is a drab existence.
Sam, I think I'll skip breakfast.
[SCOFFS.]
Endora.
Mm.
It's always a pleasure to say goodbye to you.
Mother Now that you have invaded our privacy, would you like to babysit tonight? Oh.
Darrin and I are celebrating the anniversary of our first date.
Must you rub it in? Don't you care if Durwood's briefcase contains a gaggle of centerfolds? Oh, Mother.
In advertising, beautiful girls are merely tools of the trade.
How can a witch of mine be so naive? [ENDORA SOBS.]
Mother.
What? Models like that are just routine.
Have you ever heard of a syndrome peculiar to mortal men? The seven-year itch? Seven years marriage, and it's off with the old and on with the new.
In case you hadn't noticed, Darrin and I have been married for eight years.
You see? Durwood can't do anything right.
He can do everything right.
I ought to know.
Lady, thou doth protest too much, methinks.
Mother, thou doth butt in too much, methinks.
Mother? ENDORA: What? Are you going to babysit with the kids tonight or not? Of course, darling.
I'll be back in plenty of time.
NARRATOR: [.]
[.]
[.]
[CHANTING INDISTINCTLY.]
Queevy, quavy, English navy Stiglum, staglum, cat.
C-A-T spells "cat".
Ophelia, my sweet.
Come, catch a rat Ophelia.
As a familiar, you shouldn't have too much trouble getting familiar with a mortal dud named Durwood.
[MEOWS.]
[.]
No.
No.
No.
I'm sorry, gentlemen, but she is just not here.
Mr.
Burkeholder, we have to have a cat lady on that tractor before the regional convention in Albany, which, I hasten to remind you, is tonight.
I must admit, we have seen a lot of gorgeous creatures, but I have not seen that certain quality we had in last year's cat girl.
[PHONE BUZZES.]
Yes? BETTY [ON PHONE.]
: Mr.
Stephens, there's a young lady here to see you.
Not now, Betty.
It's another model.
I think you ought to see this one.
Okay, send her in.
[.]
Good afternoon.
My name is Ophelia.
A friend suggested I might be perfect as your cat girl.
What's the trouble? Cat got your tongue? I don't know about you fellas, but I I think we've found our girl.
She's perfect.
Well, I'll admit, she looks good, but shouldn't we check out? Darrin, we don't have much time.
And Mr.
Burkeholder likes what he sees.
So take Ophelia down to the still lab and get started on the photos.
But Larry, how can we be convinced that she's? Just look.
Not at her, at him.
Now, that's pretty convincing.
Okay, Ophelia, first we've gotta fit you in a costume.
While we're shooting the stills, I'll brief you on tonight's activities in Albany.
In Albany? Mm-hm.
We're having the annual sales convention up there.
I'll explain it to you as we go.
Why don't you try leaning back against this? Oh.
There.
Legs out? Yeah, fine.
Okay.
That looks pretty good.
Okay, Chet, she's all yours.
Okay.
Now, watch the birdie.
Birdie? Where? Where? Oh, right here.
Ooh.
[CAMERA CLICKING.]
CHET: Wow, that's it.
[HISSES.]
[CAMERA CLICKING.]
[.]
Okay, that's it.
Well, Darrin, you picked the perfect model.
Thank you.
Well, actually, she picked us.
Yes, thanks to Darrin.
Let's take a break.
Would you like some cream in your coffee? No, just cream.
I'm on a diet.
Ophelia.
Chet.
Well, how's the crash program coming? Just great.
She's terrific, Mr.
Tate.
Yes, Mr.
Stephens gives me a great deal of confidence.
Well, uh, did Mr.
Stephens get the opportunity to brief you on the convention tonight? Oh, yes.
I don't think there'll be any trouble whatsoever.
Mr.
Stephens puts me so at ease, that his very presence is all I need to overcome any stage fright I might have.
Never mind, Ophelia.
You'll be just fine on your own.
On my own? You mean you won't be there? Well, no.
You'll be in the very capable hands of Mr.
Tate and Mr.
Burkeholder.
Oh.
I think I'm having an attack of panic.
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr.
Tate, but without Mr.
Stephens, I'm afraid I'd make a mess of it.
I'd be as nervous as a cat.
Don't you worry your head about it, Ophelia.
Darrin will be there.
Right, Svengali? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Wrong.
Stephens, what gave you the idea that you didn't have to go to Albany tonight? Yeah, where'd you get that idea? Yesterday, when you told me it wouldn't be necessary for me to go.
Why would I tell you that when it's been planned all along? All along? Oh, I I don't want to impose on Mr.
Stephens.
He's been so kind.
I don't want to inconvenience him in any way.
Believe me, Ophelia, it's no inconvenience.
I'll try not to trouble you in any way whatsoever.
What really bugs me is why I keep giving in to Larry's ultimatums.
Larry's ultimatums are merely a cry for help.
You know that, and that's why you're going to Albany.
So don't worry about it.
We can celebrate tomorrow night.
No.
I've got a better idea.
This stays here.
I'll fly back right after the banquet.
I can be home easily by midnight.
We'll go out and have a romantic, candlelit supper.
That sounds great.
We'll need a sitter.
You haven't let your mother off the hook, have you? Oh, no.
No, I'm sure she's still around.
Good.
Tell her not to go away.
See you later.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, good heavens.
Well, did you get all that, or would you like an instant replay? First he's hiding pictures.
Then he breaks a dinner date to be with another woman, in another city.
He will be back by midnight, so you'll have to babysit after all.
Oh, guess what.
What? Brace yourself for a famous first from Darrin to you: Don't go away.
Ah.
[MEN CHATTING.]
You couldn't have made a more wonderful choice.
I declare, I don't know who deserves the more credit, you or Stephens.
Or me.
Oh.
Mr.
Stephens deserves all the credit.
Yeah, well, remember, Ophelia.
I'm right next door.
And I'm just down the hall, in case you need anything.
And I'm on my way to the airport.
I've gotta catch the 11:00 plane.
Bon voyage.
Congratulations, Ophelia.
You were just great.
See you tomorrow, Larry.
Mr.
Burkeholder.
Good night.
Good night.
Good night.
Ophelia, I know a nice little restaurant just outside town where we could go for a nightcap.
Well, Mr.
Burkeholder, I'm a little tired.
All I want to do is go and curl up and sleep so that I can be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning.
But you're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed right now.
In the morning.
In the morning.
In the morning, what? Good night.
Mr.
Stephens' room, please.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Hello? [OLDER VOICE.]
Hello, Mr.
Stephens.
This is Reservations at Mohawk Airlines.
Your 11:00 flight for New York has been canceled.
Canceled? Why? We're completely socked in.
Socked in? It's clear as a bell here.
Soup there, hm.
And we don't expect it to lift until morning.
Yeah.
Well, if it does lift, will you call me right away? Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Meow.
Hi, sweetheart.
How'd it go? Everything went great but the weather.
The airport fogged in, and, well, I guess I'm stuck here for the night.
Oh, well, sweetheart, you can't do anything about the weather.
Maybe I could get a car and drive down.
Sweetheart, that's ridiculous.
It's a three-hour drive.
I'll see you in the morning.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Well, mwah, love you.
Mwah, mwah.
Love you too.
Bye-bye.
Let me guess: Another excuse, another delay.
Darrin can't come home tonight because the airport's fogged in.
Mother, you haven't, by any chance, been horsing around with the weather, have you? If anybody's been horsing around, it's probably Durwood.
You didn't answer my question.
I did not horse around with the weather.
Witch's honor.
But I'll give Durwood credit for one thing.
He has no imagination.
What's that supposed to mean? The weather is so easily checked.
Mother, you're beginning to bug me.
When are you ever going to start showing some good sense? [SIGHS.]
Mother, would you like to look at someone showing good sense? Yes.
Okay.
Then take a look at me not paying any attention to you.
I have an errand to run.
Ta-ta.
[.]
Yes? You called for room service, sir? Well, no, I didn't Oh, hello, Mr.
Stephens.
I thought you were going back to New York.
Well, so did I, but my flight was canceled.
Oh, isn't that a shame? Were you ordering a nightcap? No.
I'm sorry, you must have the wrong room.
Yes, sir.
Mr.
Stephens, I can't tell you how relieved I am.
About what? Well, I am sorry that your flight was canceled, but it certainly is comforting that you'll be here for tomorrow's TV interviews.
I'm afraid I won't be here.
I'll be flying back first thing in the morning.
Oh, um, well, then maybe we can discuss the questions tonight.
There are a few places I'd like to scratch.
I mean, cut.
Sure.
Come on in.
Maybe we should have a nightcap.
Okay, I'll call room service.
No, no, no.
I'll go get mine.
I have some.
Would you ring Mr.
Larry Tate, please? [RINGING.]
Hello? Oh, hi, Larry.
I know I was leaving, but the airport got socked in, and I'm stuck here for the night.
Uh, look, would you come over? Why? Well, Ophelia wants to go over the material for her television interviews, and, well, the fact is, I I would rather not be alone with her.
[LAUGHS.]
I think we've got a bad connection.
I thought I heard you say come over because you didn't wanna be alone with her.
That's exactly what I said.
Darrin, you're not well.
I'll be right over.
Hello.
Oh, hi.
Thanks, Ophelia, for bringing this.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Hi, Lar Uh, Larry.
Hi.
Ophelia, uh, you remember Larry Tate.
Oh, yes.
How nice to see you, Mr.
Tate.
Hi.
Ophelia wanted to go over some of the questions she'll be asked at the television interviews.
If they need a little, uh Larry? Of course, if they need a little, uh A little what? Fixing.
[CHUCKLING.]
If they need a little fixing, who am I to argue? To your very good health, Ophelia.
I have a weather report from Albany.
Fair and warmer and clear.
Mother, I'm sure if that's true, Darrin has a logical answer.
Sure.
And I'm Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Mother, I am going to get Aunt Hagatha to babysit while we go to Albany.
We? Why we? Well, no matter what the weather is there, Darrin is lost in a fog, and I wanna find out whose.
Present company included.
Well, if these changes will make you happy, we'll be glad to make them.
OPHELIA: Thank you, Mr.
Stephens.
Shall I make another drink? Thank you.
I thought you'd never ask.
On second thought, Larry, I can handle the rest of the evening by myself.
Why don't you run back to your room.
Why? I thought we were about I'll be glad to go to my room.
After all, two's company, three's a crowd.
Larry, where are you going? To my room.
What for? I don't know.
But I don't think it was my idea.
As a matter of fact, I think I'll have that second drink.
But not before I take a nap.
All right.
Come out, come out, wherever you are.
I should've known: Ophelia, doing what comes naturally.
Samantha, how nice to see you.
You could've knocked.
Never mind about her.
What about him? Caught in the act.
In what act? If you don't know, it's too late to teach you.
Ophelia, would you care to tell me who sicced you on my husband? Your husband? Oh, come off it, Ophelia.
I wanna know what this is all about.
Samantha, you know that, as a familiar, I only follow orders.
Ah-ha.
Mother? Are you the one who let the cat out of the bag? Well Endora, I'm not taking the rap on my own.
If there's anything I can't abide, it's a stool pigeon.
I'm leaving.
Mother, you'll get yours.
[ENDORA LAUGHING.]
Ophelia, are you going to tell me what's going on, or would you rather I zapped up a hungry bulldog? All right.
Endora, with your best interests at heart, merely wanted to test your mate's mettle.
Darrin can handle himself, as long as you don't pull any hocus-pocus.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, knock it off, Ophelia.
I know Darrin.
You're not his type.
You wanna make a friendly wager on that? No, but I'll make an unfriendly one, just as long as you let Darrin act of his own free will.
All spells off, and do your worst, Ophelia.
Darrin, may I call you Darrin? Well, certainly.
I have a confession to make.
What's that? I know it sounds silly, but the truth is, I've never met a man who made me feel so secure.
I mean, so perfectly content.
Well, uh, thank you very much.
Heh.
I I mean, uh, well, that's very flattering, but Don't you find me attractive? Oh, uh, of course.
Of course.
Uh, that's the problem.
That, and the fact that I'm married.
[LAUGHING.]
I love married men.
I adore married men.
They're so So Uh, married is what they are.
Oh, well, look at Larry.
I wonder what's wrong with him.
Oh.
That was a very refreshing nap.
I think I'll I'll have another one.
DARRIN: Ophelia, there's something strange going on around here.
And no offense, but I'm not waiting around to find out what it is.
Uh, Larry? Larry? Larry, I'm going to the airport to wait for the fog to lift.
If you wanna sleep, why don't you do it in your own room? Hm.
I feel great, so you just run along, and I'll take care of whatever problems Ophelia has.
Okay, Larry.
See you tomorrow.
So long, Ophelia.
Good luck tomorrow.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Well, I guess I'll have that little drink.
Can I fix you something? OPHELIA: Yes, please.
Now what? Ophelia, I know this is none of my business, but Louise Tate happens to be a good friend.
On second thought, I'd better be getting back to my room.
Of course, if you can't stay, I'll understand.
You will? Mm.
I wish you'd explain it to me.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Ophelia, my sweet, what makes you second best is you try too hard.
[HISSES.]
Ta-ta.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[.]
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Thought you were gonna be stuck in Albany.
Well, so did I.
The darnedest thing happened.
I decided to go to the airport to wait for the fog to lift and when I got there, there wasn't any fog.
I was gonna call you, but I barely made my plane.
Oh, well, that happens sometimes.
The fog lifts.
That's not what happened.
There never was any fog, which means somebody has been horsing around with our evening.
I I know.
I know, sweetheart.
And she promised she'd never do it again.
Promised whom? You.
And the world.
Come on out back.
She said she'd have something for you when you got home.
[.]
Sam, you mean everybody can see that? Anyone who's looking.
I'm certainly glad your mother can't remember my name.
Yes.
There are times when it's a blessing, aren't there? [.]
[.]