Friends s08e12 Episode Script

Hey, I got you a present! Oh, my, where did you hide it? I ordered it for your wedding and it's finally here! You didn't have to get us anything I love it! It's huge! Let's open it! - It's a Ms.
Pac-Man machine! - Oh, my God! I didn't know where to put it.
- We can put it in the guest bedroom.
- Yeah, okay.
I kind of like it here.
Do you like it? I practically spent my entire childhood at the arcade.
- This was my second favorite.
- What's your first? - I don't remember the name.
- Well, what did it do? You'd put a quarter in, pull some handles and win a candy bar.
A vending machine? Don't feel bad for me.
I won every time! The One Where Joey Dates Rachel mrnch@dh.
net.
mk Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004 I'm so glad you guys are here.
Guess what happened in the paleontology department.
Do you think he saw us, or can we still slip out? Professor Newman, the department head, is retiring, so - They made you head of the department! - I'm teaching his advanced class! Why didn't I get head of the department? Hey, Rach, I got a big date.
Do you know a good restaurant? Paul's Cafe.
It's got great food and it's really romantic.
Great, thanks.
Then take her to the Four Seasons for drinks.
Or go downtown and listen to some jazz.
Or dancing.
Oh, take her dancing! You sure are naming a lot of ways to postpone sex.
I miss dating.
Dressing up, going to a fancy restaurant.
I won't be able to do that for so long.
And it's so much fun.
Not that sitting around worrying about giving birth isn't fun.
Hey, you know what? Why don't I take you out? You don't want to date a pregnant lady.
Yes, I do.
We're gonna have a good time.
I'll take your mind off of childbirth, and C-sections and baby heads stretching out Okay, I'll go with you.
- It will be fun.
- All right.
No, no! Yes! Would you look at that.
I knocked off all your top scores.
How sad.
Okay, I'm next.
Don't start another game.
I'm next! Phoebe? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over all the winning.
- Phoebe's hogging the game.
- It's a stupid game.
You think it's stupid because you suck.
I don't suck.
It sucks.
You suck.
If this game is gonna cause problems, I should keep it.
No, I love it.
It is a great present.
Why don't you go home and wait for the "Thank You" card? - Why do you want to play this game? - It doesn't spit out a Clark Bar.
Okay.
Phoebe, that's it.
Out of the chair.
Joey, could you get that? I thought you were in your room.
I'm picking you up for our date.
For you.
Lilies.
They're my favorite.
Thank you.
And a brownie.
Well, half a brownie.
Actually, it's just a bag.
It's a long walk from the flower shop and I felt faint, so This is so great! I actually feel like I'm on a real date.
But I have morning sickness and I have on underwear that goes up to there.
Hey, come on.
This is a real date.
So nice place you got here.
Foosball.
Pizza box.
Oh, a subscription to "Playboy.
" My kind of woman.
That's my roommate's.
I'd like to meet him.
He sounds like a standup guy.
He's protective of me, so you'd better watch yourself.
Your roommate, is he good-looking? Must be tough to keep your hands off him.
I'm pretty sure he's gay.
No! No, he's not! Why are you trying to ruin the game? Which brings us back to Greely's Theory of Dominance.
That's it for today.
Does anyone know where the Freeman Building is? It's the new building on Avenue A.
That's across town.
I'm teaching there in 10 minutes.
Dude, that's not gonna happen.
Move it! Move it! Hey! I'm the teacher! Hello.
Sorry I'm a little late.
Whoa, a lot late.
Well, let me start by introducing myself.
I'm Professor Geller.
So to sum up I'm Professor Geller.
Good job today.
- What comes with the filet mignon? - Steamed vegetables.
Instead of the vegetables is there any way that I could substitute the three-pound lobster? You know what? Bring her both.
And I'll have the same.
Wow, this is shaping up to be a pretty good date.
I almost forgot.
I didn't pay you the rent.
No roommate stuff.
It's a date.
Wow, so I get to see what Joey Tribbiani is like on a date.
Have any moves? No, I'm just myself, and if they don't like me for I'm sorry, I couldn't even get through that.
I knew it.
Tell me your moves.
All right.
Well I start by having a bottle of wine sent to my table from a fan.
Oh, my God.
And that works? If you add, "This is embarrassing.
I just want to have a normal life.
" You poor little famous man.
Okay, how about this one? I was gonna wait until the end of the night to kiss you but you're just so beautiful, I don't think I can.
Oh, my God! Wow, that was fantastic! I almost leaned in.
Really.
So tell me one of your moves.
All right.
So where'd you grow up? That's your move? Boy, Rach, you're lucky you're hot.
- Come on, just answer the question.
- Queens.
Were you close to your parents? - With my mom.
Not so much my dad.
- Why not? I don't know.
There's just this distance.
We both try to pretend it's not there, but it is.
It's gotta be rough.
Yeah, it's really tough.
Sometimes I think Wow! Nice move! - "Where'd you grow up?" So simple.
- Thank you.
Now, excuse me.
I'm gonna use the restroom.
- Now you're watching me walk away.
- Yes, I am! So simple! - You won't believe what I did today.
- Clearly not shower or shave.
I played this all day, and now I rule.
They should change the name to "Ms.
Chandler.
" Although, I hope they don't.
You stayed home and played Ms.
Pac-Man while I went to work like a chump? I got the top ten scores.
I erased Phoebe off the board.
High-five! What is the matter with your hand? I played for eight hours.
It'll loosen up.
Check out the scores.
Also, look at the initials.
They're dirty words.
- Chandler, why would you do that? - Because it's awesome.
You think it's clever? They only give you three letters, so after A-S-S, it is a challenge.
- This one's not dirty.
- Put it together with that one.
Oh.
If you don't clear this off, you won't get one of those from me.
Ben's coming over.
This can't be there.
- He won't know what they mean.
- He's 7, not stupid.
- Have you talked to him lately? - I'm gonna unplug it.
I'll have nothing to show for my day.
Like work.
No! Hey, look! It's still there! This thing must have some kind of primitive ROM chip! - You gotta beat your scores.
- With the claw? Fine, I'll do it.
We gotta get this off.
Carol's still upset that you taught him "Pull my finger.
" Pull my finger.
My hand is messed up! - I am not gonna answer that.
- Oh, come on.
Just pick one.
Between Monica, Phoebe, Chandler and Ross if you had to, who would you punch? We're friends.
I wouldn't punch any of them.
Chandler? Yeah, but I don't know why.
- I'm having a wonderful time! - Me too! - This is the best date I ever had.
- I know! I laughed so hard.
Did you see the wine come out my nose? Joey, I think everybody saw it.
I never knew I could enjoy the non-sex part of a date so much.
That's because you have never been on a date with me before.
All right.
Now don't judge me.
I normally wait till my date leaves, but I'm ripping into the swan.
Okay, then you don't judge me.
I'm gonna suck on the cellophane from that brownie.
So, what are Joey Tribbiani's end-of-the-night moves? Well, if I want the girl to kiss me first, I make my lips look irresistible.
How do you do it? Now you can't tell anyone, but I put on shiny lip balm.
- Oh, my God.
- Like a moth to a flame, I tell you.
- Okay, now you go.
- No, I don't want to tell you.
- Why not? - It's embarrassing.
More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm? I didn't say raspberry before, did I? Just tell me, Rach.
Just tell me.
Okay.
All right, stand up.
Well, when we're at the door I lightly press my lips against his.
Then move into his body, just for a second.
And then I make this sound: It doesn't sound like anything, but it works.
Oh, yeah.
That would work, yeah.
All right, I gotta go to bed.
I had such a wonderful time.
Me too.
You were 50 minutes late? Did you crawl? No, I ran, okay? It's really far.
When did people stop understanding "Get out of my way"? Why didn't you take a cab? With the traffic and one-way streets, it'd take me twice as long.
And I have class three times a week.
Who am I, Rockefeller? You won't be able to keep doing this.
If I don't, they'll take the class away from me.
And I put it in my family newsletter.
- Your what? - You've seen it, "The Geller Yeller.
" Right.
Wow.
I figured out a faster route.
I'm sure I can make it this time.
I just can't be afraid to get a little bit hit by cars.
- Hey.
- Hi! Remember when we talked about "Cujo"? I can't believe you haven't seen "Cujo.
" Relax, it isn't "Citizen Kane.
" Have you ever sat through "Citizen Kane"? Yeah, it's really boring.
But it's, like, a big deal.
Anyway, I was thinking about renting "Cujo.
" Well, let's do it tonight.
- Don't you have that big date? - Oh, right.
- Hey, Joey, can I ask you something? - Yeah.
After our date, did you feel weird? Oh, my God.
You did too? It freaked me out.
What was that? I don't know.
I'm kind of thinking it was the lobster.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, the lobster.
- I was up sick all night.
- Me too.
All night.
Really? We didn't cross paths.
Yeah, well, that's because I stayed in my room.
You don't want to look in my hamper.
Okay, I got that.
I'll escape there.
I'll come back here.
All right.
Come on, Ms.
Pac-Man.
Well, you're just a little bitch, aren't you?! Hey, you guys? I'm sorry that I was hogging the game before.
Oh, my God! Your friends have some unfortunate initials.
They're all Chandler.
Chandler couldn't get this good.
I did.
But it came at a price.
Ben's coming, and he can't see this.
By age 7, kids have already seen orgies.
Was it just me? Yes, I made it! I'm on time! Okay, why don't we all open our books to page 23 where where you will see a bunch of red spots.
Okay, why don't you all start to read while I Are you all right? You seem a little distracted.
No, no, I'm fine.
It's just Hey, can I ask you something? Have you ever looked at someone you know and suddenly seen them in a different way? You mean like from behind? Yeah.
That's exactly it.
I saw this guy from behind, and he seemed totally normal.
And then he turned around and it was Stephen Baldwin! So you know exactly what I mean.
Totally! Wow.
- Would you excuse me? - Sure.
- Phoebe! You're on fire! - I know! You can do it! - Don't touch me! - Don't touch her! Go left! Go right! Go right! I can't! I can't! No! You son of a Phoebe?! Oh, hi, Ben.
No, don't look at the machine! Thank God you're home! I'm watching "Cujo.
" - Alone? - Yes! What is wrong with this dog? Did you get to the part where Cujo throws himself at the car? No, seriously, what's wrong with the dog? Wait, what happened to your date? Oh, it didn't work out.
- Want to watch the rest of the movie? - Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I never thought I'd say this but I hope this dog dies.
What are you doing? Sit here.
Protect me.
Oh.
Sure, yeah.
Why not? - That's him, that's him! That's Cujo! - I know.
It's gonna be okay.
Oh, my God.
What's he gonna do now? I can't watch.
How can you watch this? Aren't you scared? Terrified.
So is everybody here? I got here a little early, myself.
Let us begin.
Now, the hadrosaurids have been unearthed in two main locations.
Here and here.
Now, as for the hydrosaurs