Monk s08e12 Episode Script

-= 812 =- "Mr.
Monk Goes Camping" VO By : ¤Aka¤ & do_Ob Team Subs-Addicts" Sorry we're late.
Have you been waiting long? - Are you all right? - Yes, sir.
I'm just smiling.
I just want to say that we really appreciate the work you've done.
Unofficially as a consultant over the last eight years.
We've been reading your case file and talking with your colleagues.
It's a very impressive record.
I worked on the raincoat strangler case.
We worked that case for nine months without a lead.
- I still don't know how you did it.
- I got lucky.
Actually, it was more than just luck.
I talked to the suspect, and I noticed there were a few discrepancies in his alibi.
It was quite impressive.
It was dazzling, actually.
Impressive, dazzling, i'll take either one.
I see you're still working with neven Bell.
I've known neven for years.
He's a good man.
And a good psy doctor.
We made some real progress.
So I see.
Tell him I said hello.
Can I use your phone? You don't have to say hello now.
The next time you see him.
Got ya.
It's fun to laugh.
Mr.
Monk, I also appreciate the work you've been doing for the city as well as the progress you've made.
I have to say i'm very encouraged.
- However - How however.
Handing you a gun and a badge is a big responsibility.
It's probably the most important decision this panel will ever make, and it wouldn't be fair to you or the city to put you on the street prematurely.
And, speaking personally, i'm just not sure.
I'm not convinced you have the judgment, i'm not convinced you have the temperament.
Thank you for coming in.
We'll have an answer by next week.
I mean, it was going so well.
The first two loved me.
I could tell we were all laughing, for some reason.
But the third guy, this captain Willis, Frank Willis, he just hated me.
Well, two out of three At least you're getting closer.
Mr.
Monk, I just don't think you have the judgment or the temperament.
- That's how he talks? - Yes, exactly.
Well, it's just a preliminary hearing, right? They'll make the final recommendation next week.
Maybe he'll change his mind.
You know that Hank Henderson shot his partner? He shot his own partner, and he was reinstated a month later.
Hank Henderson plays the game, Mr.
Monk.
He plays golf with the police commissioner's brother.
You got to get out there, network, kiss some butts.
- Sounds so unsanitary.
- You know what I mean.
Schmooze.
You have a week to change his mind.
Hey, there you are.
How'd it go? Good.
It's two to one in our favor.
Well, that's not bad.
- You're getting closer.
- Yeah, to retirement age.
At the moment we have bigger problems.
Driver's in the hospital, the guard is dead.
Went down around 10:30.
Very professional, very well-planned Until it wasn't.
Bad guys parked here.
The armored car was about an hour behind schedule, so they must've waited here for some time.
Two guys, they got out, ski masks, both with rifles, bang the driver, bang bang the guard, then make off with 900 grand.
- So what do you think? - I can't believe Anderson got reinstated.
- He shot his own partner.
- Any fingerprints? No, nothing.
The cab was clean, the doors.
They were probably wearing gloves.
Open the meter.
Pardon me? Well, you said the armored car was running late, if they didn't want draw attention to themselves they were probably feeding the meter.
Fingerprints on the coin.
Hey, get the tech guys over here.
Have 'em open this meter and dust every coin they find.
- Thank you.
- I'm not a schmoozer.
That's the problem.
I don't play golf.
How do people schmooze, anyway? - Is it "schmooze" or "smooze"? - Sorry I'm late.
Don't tell me.
- All right, tell me.
- It's an outreach program.
The a department's sponsoring it.
It's called "buddies in blue.
" You know, kids in the city sending time with cops.
I'm taking four kids camping this weekend.
It's gonna be so much fun.
Everybody's gonna get a badge.
Almost everybody.
Hey, do you want to come? I could use the help.
Do you have plans? You're not feeling well? I hope you feel better.
- When are you leaving? - Tomorrow morning.
- Why are you wearing that now? - I have to get acclimated.
It's like swinging two bats in the on-deck circle.
Women, they just don't get it.
Take it off, Randy.
Yes, sir.
What is that? What do you got? Peanut Shell? These Shells were twisted apart.
Most people just split 'em down the middle right? - That's how I eat it.
- Yeah, me too.
I'm allergic so I don't eat 'em.
Good work, detective.
Tell that to captain Willis.
Frank Willis? No.
He's the one voting against Mr.
Monk.
Yeah, I know Frank.
That's brian's dad.
- Who's Brian? - Brian, he's one of my buddies in blue.
Going camping with him this weekend.
Really? Really I'll come with you.
Really? - You said you need some help.
- Great.
No, Mr.
Monk, it's camping.
- Yeah, in the woods.
- Yeah, I know what camping is.
I don't think you do.
You said I should play the game; that's what I'm doing.
No, no, I meant more like an indoor game like gin rummy I'm going camping with little Brian Willis Camping and schmoozing all weekend long.
And then he's gonna come home with a lot of stories about Adrian Monk.
I'm sure he will.
Okay, Will Dellman.
- Hey, Will.
- Here.
- I call shotgun.
- Hang on, nobody rides shotgun.
Everybody rides in the back.
Cool van.
I call window.
What's this thingy? Can I see your gun? Hop in the back, there.
All right.
Good man.
Hey, norman walters.
Sorry, Norman, no video games.
Well, hang on.
If I cross this lake, I get 20 points.
Well, you know what? We're gonna see some real lakes.
Hop in the van.
Let me get that.
- Okay, Nicky Phillips.
- Right here.
You you bringing this plant? So I can replant it.
It belongs in a deciduous forest, not on my mom's patio.
Cool.
That's a good idea, Nicky.
- Thanks - Good thinking.
Great.
Take good care of him.
Will, what're you doing up there? Why don't you Why don't you come on down and get in the van? Hey, come and get in the van.
Just get in the van.
Yeah, come and get in the van.
All right, all right.
Mom, dad, can I get a little help? That's where we are, and that's where you're going.
The middle of nowhere.
Not too late to back out.
I am doing this.
I am playing the game.
- At least try to have some fun.
- Natalie, it's a game.
It's not supposed to be fun.
So here are your wipes.
Extra wipes.
Thank you.
Back-up extra wipes.
Some extra back-up wipes.
You want me to write your name in your clothes? Not necessary.
A, my name's already in them, and B, these clothes aren't coming off.
- Even when you sleep? - I won't be sleeping.
- Where's your canteen? - I won't be drinking either.
If I drink water, I make water, you understand? I don't want to start the machine, you understand? - Unfortunately yes, I do understand.
- Oh, my God.
There he is.
Let the games begin.
Lisen I got to say good-bye to Brian, your son? Should I get a name tag? Sorry, it's work.
It's always work.
All right.
So, camping.
This'll be great.
I used to go camping all the time.
I loved it.
Great.
Why don't you go? Well, I wish I could.
When you come back, we'll do something together just you and me.
You mean between phone calls, right? Captain Willis.
Hey, I thought that was you.
- Are you part of this? - Yes, sir.
I'm one of the instructors.
Because I love kids.
I forgot to mention that yesterday, but I love kids.
Because they're the future, aren't they? So I guess I'll be getting to know your son here.
I mean, I'm assuming he's your son unless he's your younger brother.
- His brother? - I mean, you seem so mature, and you look so young.
And you're a detective? Good comeback.
Good comeback.
Okay, that's enough schmoozing.
Let's go camping! Have fun.
- Love you.
- Whatever.
Your father is a great man, you know, you must be very proud.
- We're gonna have fun.
- Hey, Brian! Here, let me get that.
Okay, guys, here we go.
I just had two cups of coffee, I could do this all day.
So let's try again.
Where is your boyfriend? Which one? The one you've been living with for three years.
Luke Johnston.
The one that robbed that armored car with his brother.
Luke didn't rob anybody.
Winona, listen to me, this this wasn't just another smash and grab.
A guard got killed.
And we found Luke's fingerprints near the scene.
Near the scene.
What does that mean? It means I want to talk to him.
That's what it means.
- Where are they? - No idea.
Sure you do.
I'm not saying another word.
Luke and del are like family.
That guard had a family.
Winona, I want you to give luke and del a message, and don't tell me that you can't because I know that you can.
I want you to tell them that Leland Stottlemeyer says hi.
And I will see them soon.
Hey, cool, you brought your transistor radio? - What're you listening to? - Music.
- What kind of music does your dad like? - Whatever sucks.
Who's your favorite band? I like the various artists.
You heard of them? They do all kinds of soundtracks.
Look, it's not gonna work.
- What? - Kissing my butt to impress my father.
Me? What are you talking about? I heard him talking about you.
You're the cop that went crazy and now you want your old job back.
Don't deny it.
You can't make him like you.
Believe me, I've tried.
I'm hungry.
Me too.
- When's lunch? - I'm thinking we'd stop about noon.
What time is it now? That's a good question.
All right, this is called a sundial, guys.
There's the sun, there's the dial, - it's gonna tell us the time.
- Why don't you just use your watch? 'cause this is more fun.
Come on, the pioneers didn't use wristwatches or Ipods.
All right, let's see now.
Say it's about Come on, guys, all right, fine.
If you need a snack you can Hey, eat some of those berries.
No, no, that's not a good idea.
They're called moonseed berries.
They're extremely toxic.
Why don't we just agree that everything in the woods is bad for you? Let's not eat or touch or smell anything.
All right, come on, guys, come on.
Here we go.
We're sticking to the plan.
Let's, make it over that ridge, then we can eat? All right, this is fun.
If you say so.
Fun, fun, fun.
That's what he said They found your fingerprints.
Well, that's impossible, we both had gloves on.
- Yeah? Then why are they talking to me? - I don't know.
What else did you forget? Did you get rid of the guns? - Guns are gone.
- Did you dump everything? Don't worry about it.
You just better be sure, luke, is all I'm saying, because they are gonna be checking everywhere.
Everywhere you've stayed, everywhere you've been.
You mean the cabin? Just get back there and make sure it's clean.
Baby, if you get sent up again I don't think I can stand it.
It's gonna be okay, you understand me? We're gonna take care of it.
When I get back, you and I have to talk.
What about? About how we're gonna spend all this money.
I'll see you soon.
- They picked her up? - They don't know anything.
- And what they know they can't prove.
- Where we going? Back to spider lake.
We got some cleaning up to do.
Yeah, this is perfect.
This is perfect.
All right, guys, we're camping out right here.
Let's set it up.
You guys, look.
Look.
Bullet Shells.
Looks Like someone was taking a little target practice.
Probably some juvies.
Juvies? No, you know, they were probably playing hooky.
Do you play hooky? I know I did when I was a kid.
Yeah, I was a real hood.
I was a hood in the hood.
Somebody kill me.
You know, like neighborhood, right? We got company.
- I got matches.
- Not yet.
No, it's not quite even.
We're just going to burn it, not live in it.
Yeah, you'll thank me later.
Hey, Brian, would you like to help? Sure.
Here.
There you go.
He got me again.
He really got me.
What a rascal.
- You got me again.
- Guys, look what I got.
- Look, look, look, look - Yeah! Okay, good job.
That's a fish.
Where'd you get that pole? I made it.
It's easy.
I found some string and I made a hook and sinker.
Excellent.
Nicky, good job.
- You showed a little initiative.
- Thank you.
Let's get a picture of that bad boy.
All right.
Okay.
All right.
Smile.
Good.
Let's get a close-up of the fish.
All right.
Hey, can I try out your gun? Will, put that down, put that down.
Will, this is not a toy, okay? How many bad guys have you killed? I don't really want to talk about that, okay? - Two.
- Only two? He's a cop.
They called him the spider lake maniac Bicause all the killings happened right here in these woods about a year ago.
Actually, it was a year ago.
Tonight.
There's a mental hospital about ten miles away from here.
It's called the Lassen county clinic.
Everybody thought it was escape-proof.
Somehow he escaped.
Randy, excuse me.
The lassen clinic's been closed for 20 years.
That's right, yeah.
- Must've been another mental hospital.
- Which one? I don't know, I don't remember.
But the point is he escaped.
Now, on the first night he killed two fishermen.
Slit their throats.
But he didn't need a knife.
Want to know why? Because he didn't have a left hand.
Instead, he had a razor-sharp hook! Actually, they don't use hooks anymore.
These days they have prosthetic hands.
You know, Rubber.
- Just like real hands.
- Well, he had a hook.
Or a hand.
It was probably a hand.
It was a hook.
- Or a hand.
- The important thing is he was a maniac and the simplest thing could set him off.
He was probably bipolar, which by the way, they can treat now.
- There's this new drug called lexapro.
- Lexapro is excellent.
Well, the spider lake maniac didn't take his medicine.
I'm sure he took his medicine.
It was probably mandated by the court.
- You're scaring the kids.
- They probably started off with xanax.
That's what they did with me.
That reminds me I have to take my pills.
What're you doing? What is that? This is my backup.
Fine.
So thanks to modern medicine, the spider lake maniac now lives in a public housing project with his pet cat and never bothers anyone.
The end.
That was pathetic.
It was a great story, professor Lame-O.
It's 10:00 guys, let's just bedtime, all right? Let's go, let's, pack up the camp.
Let's grab food, seal it, get it off the ground.
We don't want to have to feed any more animals tonight.
Professor Lame-o? - What are they doing? - They're getting food off the ground.
It keeps the bears away.
All right, guys, let's hit the hay.
I can't believe this is the same sky we have in San Francisco.
I could get used to this.
- How about you? - I can never get used to anything.
Listen, Randy, I wanted to apologize.
I get it.
You're just trying to impress Brain.
Schmoozing, right? - How's it going? - Terrible.
You know, he's a good kid, Monk.
They all are.
I don't know how you do it.
- What's that? - How you take it.
People joke around, tease you, you never get mad or upset.
Used to bother me when I was coming up in uniform.
I heard people laughing, telling Randy Disher stories.
It hurt, you know.
I almost quit.
What happened? One night I got a call.
A p-300 downtown.
There was a bumper sticker on one of the cars, and it said, "happiness is a choice.
" I mean, I know it sounds crazy, but it changed my life.
I made a decision right there.
I chose to be happy.
I mean, i i really believe that.
I mean, you have the power.
You can choose to be happy.
I guess I should read more bumper stickers.
Everybody should.
It's late.
I'm gonna go sack out.
- Good night.
- See you in the morning.
Wait a minute.
P-300? That's a fatality.
It was pretty ugly.
The driver hit a tractor trailer head-on.
He and his wife were both DOA.
And this was the car that had the bumper sticker? - "Happiness is a choice.
" - That's right.
Well, actually it was on fire when I got there, so it was hard to read.
And this didn't deter you or make you think twice.
I mean, it was an epiphany, Monk.
You can't just choose where you get it.
I mean, it could be from a guru on a mountaintop or it could be from a bumper sticker on a burning Subaru.
Good night.
I'll see you in the morning.
Let's go.
I can see it.
I can hear it! - I think we lost it.
- I don't think so.
That was a mature Grizzly.
They can run up to 30 miles an hour.
I read somewhere that he's probably more scared of us than we are of him.
That's not true.
- That can't be true.
- This is all his fault.
If you see a bear you're not supposed to yell! You're supposed to talk to it calmly.
Calmly, like this.
Did you guys hear him? He was screaming like a little girl.
I wasn't screaming, exactly.
You were screaming and crying.
We all saw you.
You're so pathetic.
I was warning you.
I was you know, sounding the alarm.
Like like Paul Revere.
More like paul revere's scared little sister.
You joker.
- He didn't have a sister.
- What do we do now? Let's just review the situation.
We've been running for a long time.
- Mostly in circles.
- That's true.
Wait, so you mean we're lost? With no compass? No cell phone? We need to stay hydrated.
That's the most important thing.
- We need water.
- We passed the lake at least twice.
- I say we go back to the lake.
- Good idea.
Let's die by the lake.
How many is that? 'bout 30.
We shot off two clips so there should be more out there.
I say we bag it.
If we can't find 'em, they won't either.
Check it out.
That's one of our shells.
You said 5 minutes.
That was 20 minutes ago.
I meant eastern time.
- Relax, nature boy.
- Let me see, I can break it.
- Hey, I got it! - Pull it in, pull it in! What do you got? Guys, that's a beauty.
- Grab me that bucket.
- It's my first fish! It's like my first anything.
- How much do you think it weighs? - 100 pounds, at least.
It's got to be a record.
I can't wait to show it to your dad.
Are you mental? We're not showing this to anybody.
- That's our lunch.
- Yeah, he's right.
We can grill it.
- It's big enough for two dinner.
- No, I caught it.
I'm keeping it.
- We're all hungry.
I think it's lunch.
- I have to say I'm with Brian on this.
Big surprise.
Brian caught the fish.
Possession is 9/10 of the law.
That's the rule.
In fact, when you're in the woods, it's 10/10.
- That doesn't sound right.
- Rules don't have to sound right.
- That's another rule.
- Shotgun.
- Will, we're not even near the van.
- No, shotgun.
Over there.
Are you guys OK? Good to see somebody.
We were hunting, we heard some yelling.
- A bear tried to eat us.
A real one.
- No kidding.
We got a little turned around.
Do you guys know where the highway is? Sure.
It's right down that hill.
There's a trail.
Yeah, take you two, maybe three hours.
Guys, you hear that? We're gonna be home before dinner.
Fish was just too big, so we had to cut it.
Hook, line, and sinker? Nice trout.
That's a real beauty.
- You want to sell it? - No.
I'll give you 50 bucks right now, cash money.
I figure anyone willing to pay 50 will pay 500, right? Wait a minute.
You would actually pay him $50 for the fish? What do you say? I'll give you 75 bucks.
Seventy no.
It's not for sale.
Listen.
Hey, that's that's me.
That's that's my song.
Dude, this is gonna rock your world.
You ready for this? - I'm Randy Disher.
- Who? It's the Randy Disher project.
I'm your ring tone, that's my song.
Go ahead.
Answer it.
Not today.
I'm on vacation.
Anyway, we're gonna take off.
But it was nice to meet you guys.
- Good luck with your fish.
- Happy hunting.
Thanks for the help.
- Yeah, sure thing.
- Happy hunting, boys.
Thanks a lot.
- Do you think they made us? - I don't know but we need get it.
You know anything about fish? And what is that? Oh, that's the sinker.
I made it from with one shell casings we found.
You said we could take 'em.
Right.
Remember the armored car friday morning? I think these are the guys.
Did you notice the peanut shell? It was twisted open.
- Just like at the crime scene.
- Yeah, I noticed.
- You should've taken the 75.
- He'll be back.
Don't worry.
I think Brian's right.
They will be back.
All right.
You have your gun, right? No, it's back at the campsite.
All right.
All right, guys.
Listen up.
We're gonna make it to that highway, we're gonna double-time it all the way, Brian, give us the fish.
- No way.
- OK, buddy.
This isn't a game.
Those men are dangerous.
We need to get the hook and the sinker out of the fish's mouth.
Forget it.
I caught it.
- It's my fish.
- Listen.
You said so yourself.
- I'll get him, just take the others.
- Right, we'll meet you at the highway.
Let's go, guys.
Be careful! Are you OK? You OK? OK, give me the fish.
- Just give me! - No way! Give me the Give it to me! No way! - Give it to me.
- I want to give it to my dad.
No way.
Throw the fish.
Give it to him.
Wait.
Not yet.
I just need the little sinker thing.
Material evidence of a homicide.
Give it to him.
Here you go.
It's all yours.
Bon appetit.
What are we gonna do? He doesn't like it.
He's gonna kill us! Do something.
It's OK.
It's OK I'm very calm.
We're very calm.
Look how calm we are.
He likes it.
It's working.
Keep talking, keep talking.
- What do I say? - I don't know.
Tell him a story.
- What what story? - It doesn't matter! He's a bear! You're probably wondering what we're doing here.
Here's what happened.
See, an armored car was robbed, and the guard was killed, and the police recovered some shell casings from the crime scene.
And if they could match them to the casings found in that clearing, they'd have an airtight case.
Exactly.
And those two men they weren't hunters, they were killers.
They must've been target practicing up here, and someone must've spotted them.
Maybe a park ranger.
That's why they came back.
'cause they knew that those shell casings could tie them to the crime scene.
I guess it got bored.
- Nice work.
- It's what I do.
Let's go.
Right here.
All right, listen.
I want you guys to stay here.
Nobody moves until I get back, OK? It's gonna be OK.
They are.
Let's go.
Drop it now! Down.
Down on your knees.
Down! Get down! Good job.
Both of you.
I just spoke to the DA.
You made his day.
- What happened to your hand? - It was in a fish.
Natalie, in a fish.
- Mojo wire.
- 'scuse me? Remember? You asked me my favorite band.
- That's their name.
- You're welcome.
I didn't hear him say thank you.
I did.
Dad, I caught a fish.
I caught this fish you think it'll help? We'll find out.
Well, let's get started.
I'll go first.
Last weekend, this man, Adrian Monk, saved my son's life.
Actually, he did more than that.
He challenged my son and stood up to him in a way that I was never able to do.
I've had a change of heart.
I'm going to approve this recommendation and support his reinstatement.
So so that's a yes? Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
I won't let you down.
I'm in! I can't believe it! Excuse me, detective Monk.
As you know, this vote has to be unanimous.
I've been reviewing your record, and I'm afraid that I still have some serious reservations.
I can't recommend your reinstatement at this time.
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
I won't let you down.
Did you hear what I said? I'm sorry, but I won't be recommending you either.
- I have to say no.
- Thank you.
Thank you so much.
You won't be sorry.
So how's it going? Thumbs down, two to one.
Poor thing.
How's he taking it? Surprisingly well.
- Hey, man.
We were listening.
- So you know.
Isn't it great? I'm back.
I'm back.
Wait, Mr.
Monk.
Do you understand what just happened in there? What are you talking about? Of course I do.
Come on.
Let's go celebrate.
Happiness is a choice.
Well, we have to tell him.
Yeah, after lunch.
I'm back, baby! Team Subs-Addicts"