Shameless US s08e12 Episode Script
Sleepwalking
1 Oh, God.
You seriously don't remember what happened last week on Shameless? Roll the tape.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- [IAN.]
My God's a faggot.
My God's a dyke, a whore! [WAILS HOARSELY.]
[DEBBIE.]
If I pass out, keep going.
Do not stop until you cut off all three.
Two left.
But I hope you tire out soon.
[EXHALES.]
Here.
- The fuck is this? - This is a piece of shit that you're gonna turn into not-a-piece-of-shit.
I've always wanted to ride a Jet Ski.
Dylan said I could use the yellow one.
What does Dylan's father do that he has a yacht and a private plane? Wanna grab breakfast? Gotta get to the crib.
My niece is getting dropped off.
[SVETLANA.]
Freelania, you have everything.
- [GASPS.]
- Vera made this for me.
How did you make this all happen? [SVETLANA GRUNTS.]
[KEV.]
Jesus.
What do you got in there, a dead body? I do not believe she's dead yet.
Don't forget dinner at The Grill.
I wanna show off my beautiful bride-to-be.
[KASSIDI.]
Yes, I'll marry you! Fucking hell yes! [GASPING.]
[CARL.]
What the fuck? You cut up all my uniforms? [CARL.]
been okay with me going back to school now - 'cause we're married! - I will never be okay with being away from you, bae! Never! [FIONA.]
I let you stay in my apartment and you sue me? So what's the worst case? You're gonna be lucky if they don't put you in jail.
- [DOG WHIMPERS.]
- Rusty! [FIONA.]
They are going down.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? [MURMURS.]
[GENTLE MUSIC.]
[SIERRA.]
Where are you going? I'm going to work.
Go back to sleep, all right? I'm proud of you.
- What? - This last year you're strong.
I didn't know that before.
Thanks.
Can we stay at my place tonight? Uh yeah.
Yeah, sure.
That'd be good, all right? I love you.
I love you too.
Get some sleep.
[GLASS SQUEAKING.]
Close the fucking door! What the hell are you doing? I gotta run some errands and she's already downstairs.
I gotta get clothes and a new duffel.
- She tore up all my old shit.
- Hm.
When you go down, tell her I'm in the shower, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, how long [URINATING.]
Morning! Hey.
Oh, uh, Carl's in the shower.
I'm whipping up waffles.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, um Liam is asleep out in the backyard.
Is that normal? [WAFFLE MACHINE BEEPS.]
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
Hey.
[LIAM MURMURS.]
Hey, Liam.
Hey, buddy.
I think you were sleepwalking again.
- Really? - Yeah.
Hey, are those my keys? I don't know.
What is it with you and keys, huh? [CHUCKLES.]
All right, come on.
Let's get you inside.
There you go, Papa Frank.
Thank you, favorite daughter-in-law.
- [MURMURS PLEASANTLY.]
- Only daughter-in-law.
Liam.
Sit.
[LIP.]
Hey, uh, would you save Lucas a waffle? I gotta go to work and he and Sierra spent the night.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
- I met your friend Dylan's dad.
You tell him I can go on the yacht vacation with them tomorrow? [DOOR CLOSES.]
[QUIETLY.]
I looked the man up.
He makes nothing.
He creates nothing.
He buys businesses, tears them apart, sells the pieces, and then discards the employees like trash.
He's a legal thief.
[KASSIDI.]
Here you are, Liam.
- Thank you so much.
- Mm-hmm.
He wants the companies to fail.
The world's not just, Liam.
No one's gonna take care of us in our old age.
We have a moral duty to rip this asshole off.
You know how to take photos with this? - Mm-hmm.
- What is keeping Carl? His bacon's getting cold.
[SIGHS.]
[CRUTCH CLANKING.]
What's with the boot? I cauterized the stumps.
[SIGHS.]
They were still bleeding, - so I went to the ER.
- [SCOFFS.]
Waste of money.
Cauterization has been used since the Egyptians were building pyramids.
Are those waffles? Yum.
So can I go on the cruise with Dylan's family or not? Well are we partners? [MONOTONE.]
Yeah.
Okay, good.
I'm very proud to be your partner.
And your job, partner, is to go to the Caribbean and have a great time.
After you get the code.
- The code? - To turn off the alarm.
And pics of their valuables and of the security system.
One more big score, I can retire in style.
[KASSIDI.]
Carl! You motherfucker! What the hell was that? Marital bliss.
- So now what? - [SVETLANA.]
Well, I steal her wedding dress, I take her place at wedding and marry rich old man with saggy diaper.
You don't think he's gonna notice the difference? He thought I was her.
He is weak in the head.
What about the wedding guests? I wear a veil.
No one will see.
[OMINOUS CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING FROM PHONE.]
- Kev.
- What? - Get her phone.
- You get her phone.
I get it.
Hold machete.
She tries anything, you cut her face, okay? No way.
I'm not slashing her face if she tries to make a run for it.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
"Zlata"? Shit.
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN.]
Her mother is coming to the wedding.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
She's gonna know Svetlana isn't her daughter, right? You yell one more time, I will shave your head, I will cut off your nipples, and I will sell you to the Mexican cartel for big fun, okay? When is Zlata coming? Today.
I am supposed to pick her up at airport.
And I need to pee.
Get a bowl.
What? Use it for her to pee.
Through her pants? [SVETLANA.]
Take the pants off! Get a bowl.
- You know her mother? - Ah, Zlata.
Scary old Soviet.
Survived Stalingrad as a young girl by eating human flesh.
She was a cannibal? [MUFFLED GRUNTING.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[EXHALES.]
- Oh, hey, Fiona.
- Hey.
Just back for a shower and a quick change of clothes.
Jesus.
What happened to your toes? Frank cut 'em off.
He what?! It's no big deal.
I asked him to.
You get rid of the squatters yet? Ah no.
Uh, Ford and Nessa are watching the building while I go to a lawyer thing.
[FRANK.]
Burn 'em out.
It's the oldest trick in the slumlord's handbook, arson.
You set a good blaze, they got two choices, run out of the building screaming or burn to death, and you get to the collect the insurance.
Has anyone seen my other boot? [FIONA.]
I'm not gonna burn my building down, Frank.
Why not? Being a landlord sucks.
Tenants who won't pay their rent, toilets clogged with massive after-Thanksgiving turds oh, there it is.
You need to get in touch with Pyro Paulie.
- Who? - Paulie Paterniski.
Best firebug on the South Side.
I think he works at the Handy Mart now.
Don't let his looks scare you.
He had a trigger fuse on a bucket of jet fuel go sideways on him.
The doctors used skin from his ass to rebuild his face.
Okay, I'm off to the city planner's office.
[DEB.]
I gotta go too.
I'm going to a birthday party with Franny for Derek's great-great-grandma who's turning, like, 200 years old or something.
I was gonna ask you if you think I should go or not.
- But I think I should.
- [FIONA.]
Okay.
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
- Don't hog the bathroom, okay? - I gotta take a shower.
- Okay.
Hey, uh, is Ian around? I don't know.
I just got here.
He's not here.
I don't think he came home last night.
Well, have the police been here yet? They have a warrant for his arrest.
[SLOW, PULSE-LIKE PERCUSSION.]
[TOW TRUCK BEEPING.]
What the fuck happened? Things got out of hand.
Is he off his meds? I have no idea.
Ian, hi.
It's Fiona.
Call me back, okay? [GENTLY.]
What the fuck? [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO.]
You name it yet? Your bike.
I haven't really thought about it.
Is it a boy or a girl? He's definitely a dude.
Then what about Keith? Why Keith? I just like the name Keith.
Can I help? Uh sure, yeah.
There's, um a box of pegs on Brad's desk.
Thanks.
Hey.
Still nothing from her mom? Hell no.
I'm so done with her fucking shit.
There's no box on the desk.
Oh? All right, I'll go take a look.
Keep an eye on that, all right? [COUGHS.]
Yo, where's that, uh, box of pegs? Uh, in that pile right there.
All right.
That a yoga mat? Uh, yeah.
My sponsor thought I might wanna give it a try.
- Oh.
- What? Supposed to be relaxing.
So, gonna ask me how I am today? Go on.
Ask me how I am today.
Okay.
- How are you today? - Fan-fucking-tastic.
- Yeah? - I got laid last night.
Oh! Cami? Yeah, asshole, Cami.
My fiancée.
How was it? I don't know, exactly.
I mean, I came so fast I don't think she enjoyed it much, but, uh I'm back in the bed.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's, uh that's great.
Man, congrats.
Really.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
Thanks.
Small victories, right? Yeah, right.
Have a nice day.
Cocaine or cash? - What? - The duffel.
Oh.
Military school uniforms, field supplies Has Kassi been around here looking for me? No.
Called a couple dozen times, though.
You can't tell her I was here.
Wanna tell me what's going on? Well, I have to go back to military school tomorrow.
Kassi doesn't want me to.
Cut up all my old shit with a carpet knife.
Had to buy new shit and can't afford to replace it again.
Sounds like true love.
It is.
And I love her too.
But I also love my brothers in 2nd Squad, Bravo Platoon just as much.
I mean, can't she understand that? You can love two things at once if you're not fucking them both, right? Yeah, make sure no one smokes back here.
You get a spark too close to that, could take out the whole block.
[UP-TEMPO ACOUSTIC.]
[GUITAR MUSIC.]
- [KEV.]
Really think this is gonna work? - [VERONICA.]
No fucking idea.
What if she doesn't drink? She's Russian.
She drinks.
What if she doesn't come with us? Why wouldn't she come with us? What if she's hungry? I mean, what do cannibals eat other than people? Do they like pizza? We could stop and get a pizza.
- There.
- Where? There.
Ms.
Zlata? - I'll take that for you.
- [KEV.]
Jesus.
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN.]
Mm - [SPEAKING RUSSIAN.]
- [KEV.]
Yep.
- [FIONA.]
Hey.
- Hey.
What's up? You sounded upset.
Have you seen Ian? [LIP.]
No, not for a couple days.
[SIGHS SOFTLY.]
The cops are looking for him.
What? Why? [FIONA.]
All this Gay Jesus shit he's mixed up in They set a van on fire.
[FIONA.]
Look, he hasn't called me back and no one seems to know where he is, so if you talk to him, tell him to come right home and we'll figure something out, okay? - [FIONA.]
I gotta go.
- Yeah.
Sorry, it's a a family thing.
Well.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I spoke to the Latham's attorney.
That guy is a real piece of work.
I think your roofer found his name on the back of a bus bench.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- But they are prepared to settle.
Really? For $3 million.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
They offered to remove you from the suit and pursue litigation solely with your insurance company if you're prepared to make a few concessions.
Like what? Sign the title of the building over to them.
You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.
And they want "Sparkles.
" They want Sparkles back.
My dog, Rusty? They want my fucking dog? They said their kids got very attached and they're, quote, "crying themselves to sleep," end-quote, ever since you stole him.
I stole him? They stole him from me! They're motherfuckers! Tell them to get their own goddamn dog.
There's another option.
You sell the building now, before it goes to trial And spend the money.
Go to Vegas.
Take a trip around the world.
And then just declare bankruptcy.
Bankruptcy? Yeah.
It's better than letting them take everything you own.
[MOVIE CHARACTER.]
Gail, me and you? Ah, no, wait! Guys, wait up! - Gotta take a leak.
- 'Kay.
Got a couple betties shotgun in my Scraper Probably only wanna chill with me for the paper Rollin' down the block, buddy You know I be swinging Just call me the king in my city What you thinking? Got my money on my cranium Gotta keep it true You ain't on my level Look at me and look at you Baby, I got a whole lot of money - Money, money - Whole lot of money What's that panel thing with all the numbers next to the front door? Oh.
Our security system.
- How does it work? - When you leave, you punch in the code and, uh, if anyone tries to break in, it makes a noise and the police come.
Put in the code and we set it off, scare Consuela? Baby, I got a whole lot of money - Lot of money - Whole lot of money - Whole lot of money - [ALARM BLARING.]
Baby, I got a whole lot of money Dios mÃo, qué raqueta! I be always thinking money always [ALARM BLARING.]
[CONSUELA.]
Nine seven eight.
- [ALARM QUIETS.]
- [BOYS GIGGLE.]
No es gracioso, pequeño! It's not funny! [BOYS GIGGLING.]
Come on, let's go finish the movie, then go bowling in the basement.
[LAUGHS.]
Six, one, nine, seven [FRANNY GIGGLING.]
Thanks for coming.
What happened to your foot? Accident at work.
No biggie.
My mom tell you Pepa and I are getting married? I'd like you to consider letting me share custody of Franny.
I can afford to pay child support and I know you could use the money.
Go fuck yourself, Derek.
[CELIA.]
Okay, everybody's here! Let's go.
Bisabuela's awake.
Let's take the photo.
You look great.
That's a cute dress.
Hi, baby! Let's take a picture.
Come on.
Ah! [KISSES.]
Cute dress.
At least think about it? Okay? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
[CHATTERING IN SPANISH.]
[PATRIOTIC SNARE DRUM MUSIC.]
Here we are, Ms.
Zlata! I know you must be thirsty after your long trip.
[STATELY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
Jesus, who's the corpse in the Phyllis Diller wig? - Don't get too close.
- She has the taste for human flesh.
How many Valium are we supposed to give her? What the hell are you wearing? How many of them have you already crushed up? Uh, four, maybe? Five, I think.
All right, add two for good measure.
What the hell is she doing here? Svetlana's friend Freelania is supposed to marry this super rich old guy, but Svetlana's gonna marry him instead.
So we're gonna drug the mother so she doesn't realize that it's Svetlana marrying him, not Freelania.
We don't think it's a good plan but we're gonna go along and just hope that we don't get arrested for kidnapping.
I honestly don't understand a single word you just said.
Here we are.
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT.]
Vodka.
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT.]
Vodka.
[GULPING.]
Old gal can really hold her hooch, huh? [SOFT, MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
[KASSIDI.]
Where have you been? Oh, uh I went out and got you these.
- Flowers? - For our anniversary.
No it's not.
- Two months? - No.
You sure? We met one month, eighteen days, six hours and twelve minutes ago.
Oh.
Well I woke up thinking about you so I got you these.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh.
Wow.
How sweet.
You know, I've got a little surprise for you too.
Mm.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Do you love me? Yes, of course.
[CHUCKLES.]
- How much? - A lot.
- Mm - [METAL RATTLING.]
Ow, what the hell? How stupid do you think I am, Carl? - Come on, Kassidi.
- The army-navy surplus store? You followed me? "Find my Phone," Carl! I have to go back! My men in my platoon are counting on me! No, no! [GRUNTS, THUDS HEADBOARD.]
I'll give you 60 grand for it, right now, sight unseen.
I have over 80 in it.
Yeah, but I'll take over the mortgage, and you can pocket that cash and just walk away.
I was hoping for 90.
- 50.
- 50? Jesus, I called to see if you'd be interested in buying my building, not to get bent over a fence.
Well, it's a distressed sale.
- 10.
- [FIONA.]
You know what? Go fuck yourself.
Good girl.
What? Sit down.
Come on, sit down.
You don't wanna sell.
The whole neighborhood's on the way up.
You're gonna make a killing in a couple years.
They're suing me for 6 million.
There's always some lazy bastard staring up at you from down in the shit.
So what do I do? Well, you make them a final offer that doesn't kill you and that they think is a winning lottery ticket.
Like how much? Five grand.
Ten.
Can you excuse me a minute? - Hey.
- [FIONA.]
Anything? No, he hasn't called me back.
You? You seen the clip? It's already got, like, 30,000 views.
[IAN.]
My God is a dyke.
- My God is trans - He looks fuckin' nuts.
[IAN.]
A junkie a whore! [EXPLOSION.]
What does that say? "Gay Jesus speaks the truth.
" - [SIGHS.]
- Is he off his meds? How the hell would I know? Shit.
[SIERRA TALKING INDISTINCTLY.]
I went by the center and Trevor's had people out looking for him all day.
I gotta go back to my building.
Kicked out those deadbeats yet? No, Ford's been watching my building all day.
- [SIERRA.]
No, no, Charlie! - [CHARLIE.]
How many more times - can I say I'm sorry? - Can you? - How many times do I have to say no? - Yo, guys! [SIERRA.]
I said fucking no, Charlie.
- [CHARLIE.]
Joshua is his brother.
- [SIERRA.]
Half-brother! [CHARLIE.]
What does that matter? Okay, Lucas wants to meet him and I said he could.
- You've been talking to Lucas? - He's my son.
I can call my son any goddamn - Fuck you! - [LIP.]
Shit.
You can't call him any time you want, - because he's fucking - [LIP.]
Calm the fuck down! - [CHARLIE.]
Yo.
- Calm! - Asshole! - You're fucking crazy! - You're crazy! - Just stop it! Hey! Someone's gonna call the cops, all right? - Both of you.
- He's my kid too! - [SIERRA.]
Fuck you! - [CHARLIE.]
Fuck you! [LIP.]
Stop! Stop! Charlie! Go, all right? Yeah, go back to your whore.
Have her pop out another fucking baby for you.
[CHARLIE.]
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
- Fuck it.
- [SIERRA SOBS.]
- Hey.
- [SIERRA.]
No.
[TRADITIONAL ACOUSTIC MUSIC.]
[LIVELY TRADITIONAL MUSIC.]
[VERONICA.]
Kev! Can you come up for a sec? [KEV.]
Hey, Freelania is crazy powerful.
She's using some Jedi mind trick voodoo shit on me down there.
Holy shit.
- You look - [VERONICA.]
Incredible, right? You need to try on your tux.
I have to wear a tux? [VERONICA.]
You are giving away the bride.
- I am? - Yeah, I have no father.
So you do it.
- Wow, really? I'm honored.
- [SVETLANA.]
Mm-hmm.
[SVETLANA.]
I also need you there for muscle, in case things go wrong.
What are we gonna do with Freelania after the wedding? I'm selling her to an old friend.
Works freighters out of Minsk.
- And what about her mom? - Oh, she's too old for sailors.
Probably just put rocks in her pockets and dump her in the lake.
[SOFTLY.]
Wow.
Father of the bride.
[FRANK.]
That's a nice silver service.
Uh-huh, Rolex, Cartier, Hublot Can we maybe find another house to rob? What? No.
This is perfect.
They'll be gone.
We know the code.
You got the code, right? Yeah, but Dylan's my friend.
Do we steal from our friends? No, we don't, and we're not.
Dylan's our friend.
We're not gonna take anything from him.
It's his criminal father that we're bringing to justice.
But they're taking me on their vacation and everything.
Eh, just to assuage their ruling-class guilt.
You're like the old clothes rich people donate to Goodwill Something they don't need, but they can pat themselves on the back for anyway.
Hey.
We have the chance to do the right thing here.
You need to see the bigger picture.
He's a robber baron, stealing food from the mouths of working-class children.
Are you gonna give the stuff we steal to hungry children? It's a metaphor.
We can never undo the damage that Dylan's dads have done.
But we can right the scales in our own small way and strike a chord for below-the-poverty-line folks everywhere.
It's the ethical thing to do.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
[WHISPERING.]
Take that.
Detective Clark, Chicago Police Department.
Looking for Ian Gallagher.
- Who? - Ian Gallagher.
Never heard of him.
You have to eat.
[SIGHS.]
Trevor's here.
He wants to talk.
How'd you find me? Bic.
The cops are looking for you and they came by the center twice today.
What are you planning to do? I don't know yet.
Well, they're threatening to send cops to the center to round up kids, throw them into group homes, send 'em back to their parents.
They want you to give Blake back to his parents and for you and Bic to turn yourselves in.
I'm making a difference here.
I feel good.
Alive.
[SIGHS.]
Fiona and Lip are trying to find you.
I'm worried about you.
I think that you might be off your meds.
[CHUCKLES.]
If they raid the center tomorrow, it'll be all over the news.
My donors will disappear.
The city will probably yank my permits and I'll have to shut down.
Would you look at me? Are you even listening? Look at me! These kids believe in you, but this isn't about you helping them anymore.
This is about you loving all of the attention and the hero worship.
If you care about these kids I mean truly care about them You'll turn yourself in before anyone gets hurt.
That's what a real leader would have the courage to do.
[SHOWER RUNNING.]
[WHISPERING.]
Debbie! Debbie! Oh, hey, Carl.
Grab your torch and cut me out of here.
Well, I can't.
My gear's in Farhad's truck.
[LAUGHING.]
Damn.
Kassidi really don't want you to go back to school, huh? Please.
There's not much time.
She's in the shower.
Derek's getting married to Pepa.
He wants shared custody of Franny.
There's a hacksaw in the basement.
You could saw them off.
On the plus side, he'd pay child support.
And he says Marine kids have really good healthcare.
You only have to cut through one.
I can cut the others! On the minus side, I wanna stab him in the head every time I see him and that skinny bitch Pepa together.
I think Kassidi put the keys in her pants pocket.
Try to go in and sneak in there while she's in the shower.
And then Franny will be spending time with Pepa! And what will she call Pepa? "Mommy"? - "Mother"? - Deb, will you please "Mama"? Oh! Hello, Debbie.
Oh, hey, Kassidi.
Hey, thanks again for the waffles this morning.
Oh, no problem.
I'm thinking about making eggs Benedict tomorrow.
Sounds delicious.
Hey, thanks for listening, Carl.
Really helps sometimes to be able to talk things out.
- [SOFTLY.]
Hey.
- [SIERRA.]
Hey.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Lucas asleep? A while ago.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry.
- About what? - The Charlie thing.
And the way that asshole gets to pretend like nothing ever happened.
Oh, fuck.
I forgot.
I'm sorry.
I'll get rid of these.
- I-it's cool.
- No, it's definitely not cool.
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS SHARPLY.]
[GENTLY.]
Hey, hey.
It's all right.
Fuck.
I'll go brush my teeth.
No it's all right, okay? Really.
Okay? I think I might be a little drunk.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
How'd the lawyer meeting go? [CHUCKLES.]
I'm thinking of leaving the country.
And where are you thinking of going? Pretty much anywhere.
Then go to the airport, get on whatever international flight's taking off next, leave it to fate.
You coming with me? You want me to? That's not an answer.
Okay, then.
Sure.
I don't know what this is.
"This"? Us.
What do you want it to be? You really have to stop answering my questions with a question.
Is that bothering you, is it? What should I say when I talk about you to other people? Tell them whatever you want.
Am I your girlfriend? Do you want to be my girlfriend? Are you sleeping with anybody else? No.
And I'd tell you before that happened.
[SIGHS SOFTLY.]
I'm happy with what this is.
And I'm willing to make adjustments if you let me know what you want.
I want you to be madly in love with me.
[SIGHS.]
I'm not 17 years old.
I don't fall madly in love with people anymore.
Ever? I've fallen madly in love.
Didn't work out so well.
Who was she? Do you really wanna know? No.
I just can't see myself picking up and leaving.
Chicago's my home.
I like it here.
[CHILDREN LAUGHING DISTANTLY.]
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING.]
Back to the murder scenarios? [CHUCKLES.]
No.
It's time to go Gallagher.
[SOFT R&B MUSIC.]
Do you need to use the bedpan again? No, I'm all right.
[SIGHS HAPPILY.]
I know you want to go back to that school, but now we can start our lives together as newlyweds.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, first thing we need to do is get an apartment.
[KASSIDI.]
Nothing too big, you know.
Maybe we'll get lucky and we'll find something in the projects.
You know, one of those buildings where the elevator never works and[CHUCKLES.]
There's always gangs out in the stairwell.
[SIGHS.]
We'll have to get an extra bedroom too For the kids.
I want six.
Don't you? We can have three boys and three girls.
And their names will start with a C and a K just like us.
Like Charlie and Kristin Karen Katherine Cody, Cole, Cooper Oh, we can call him little Coop.
We'll shower once a week.
And [LAUGHS.]
And we can, uh, eat fast food and get really fat.
I feel like I don't have the words We'll be like real people, Carl.
Because I can't speak Of these words I've tried to recite They are close, but not quite Almost impossible to do Reciting the makings of you Six-one-nine-seven [CART RATTLING LOUDLY.]
[INHALES.]
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[EXHALES.]
[MOANS SOFTLY.]
[EXHALES.]
[FLOORBOARD CREAKS.]
[ROUSING ROCK MUSIC.]
Looking for Paulie.
In the back.
You Pyro Paulie? Yes.
Fiona Gallagher.
Geneva.
Wake up.
I know what I have to do now.
And it's big.
Up.
Up! Up! Everyone up! Come on! I need sheets.
I need lots and lots of sheets! Whoa.
Sent a limo, huh? Son? The code? [DRIVER.]
Sir.
[ELEGANT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
Who the hell are you? Oh.
Father of the bride.
- Really? - Well, no, no.
I'm not the father.
I'm a friend, but, uh but I get to give her away.
[SIGHS.]
Fucking fantastic.
Oh, hey, Dad.
Big day, huh? [RUPERT JR.
.]
Whoa.
Where are your shoes? - What? - Your shoes.
You can't get married in slippers, right? Jesus Christ, Everett.
Go find his goddamn shoes, would you, please? [RUPERT JR.
.]
Did you see who's here, Dad? Arthur.
Came all the way from Palm Beach.
- Who? - Arthur.
You started the company with him.
You wanted him to be your best man.
[SIGHING.]
Yeah.
Wedding's gonna start any minute, Dad.
Oh, great.
I'm starving.
[CHUCKLING WRYLY.]
Jesus, what a shit show.
Well, I better go get the bride.
Thank God there's a prenup, right? [ROCK MUSIC.]
Is that a pipe bomb? Smoke bomb.
Pyro Paulie swears it won't explode - or start a fire.
- "Pyro Paulie"? [FORD.]
Name doesn't inspire a whole lot of confidence.
You should see his face.
Ready? - [BOMB HISSING.]
- Shit.
In the wrong place at the wrong time Yeah, you messed up Fucking bitch! - [THUD.]
- [WOMAN SCREAMS.]
[MAN.]
Whoa! 'Cause you're out of luck [COUGHING.]
- [TRINA.]
Bitch! - Apartment door's open.
You might wanna vacate the premises before you die of smoke inhalation.
[COUGHING VIOLENTLY.]
[MAN.]
Pick up the girl, come on! [DOOR OPENS.]
[FAMILY COUGHING.]
I'm gonna call the police.
You could've killed us.
Here's the deal, shitheads.
This is $4,000.
And I will give it to you right now.
If you get in your shitty car, point yourselves west, and don't stop till you hit the Pacific Ocean.
- Go fuck yourself.
- You haven't heard the whole offer yet, Trina.
When you get to the Pacific Ocean, you call me and you give me an address so that every month for the next year Assuming you drop your bullshit lawsuit I can send you a money order for $500.
Go to hell.
Think about it, Rodney.
Lawsuits can take years before they get to court.
And who knows? In the end, you might lose.
We won't lose.
[SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE.]
Maybe yes, maybe no.
My lawyer thinks I'm gonna win.
Rodney.
[PERCUSSIVE ROCK MUSIC.]
Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, aww Oops.
Offer just went down $200.
So that's $3,800.
Right here, right now All righty, then.
[RODNEY.]
No, no, no, no, no.
- Rodney - Goddammit.
We'll take the cash.
Okay.
Sign this.
Come on, turn around.
How do we know you'll send us the money like you promise? 'Cause I gave you my word.
And around here, that means something.
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh Is that real money you just burned? Whoa-oh-oh, oh [WHISPERING.]
Yeah, and it just about fucking killed me.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Fuck.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Thought you left for work.
Yeah, I just, um I wanted to talk to you.
I'm really sorry about last night.
I was just so fucking pissed, you know? I think you should give Charlie one last chance.
What? I mean, you know, he fucked up, but, uh we all fuck up, so I told you I was sorry.
You two weren't together when he got that other girl pregnant.
You know, and he didn't wanna lose you.
Where the fuck is this coming from? You don't love me.
- I've been drunk - [SIGHS.]
Or high almost every day since I was 12 years old.
And Brad was off the wagon and Youens died - Do you fucking love me? - I don't know.
I want to.
You know, I really do, but I-I've been sleepwalking through my life for years, and you know, I've been so loaded, I-I haven't known what I want you know, or who I wanna be, or-or-or be with, and I just Fuck! [SIGHS.]
Just leave.
Please.
- [SIGHS.]
- I was drunk on our first date.
- Lip - I was drunk almost the entire time that we were together.
[BREATHING RAGGEDLY.]
I don't know how to be with myself, let alone someone else.
Man, I don't know what I want, but I I know I have to be honest with you.
- J [PANTS.]
- Okay? - And it's because I care about you - Just go, Lip! Please! [SOBS.]
Oh, my God.
- [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- I'm sorry.
Don't! I'm sorry.
[RAGGED BREATHING, CRYING.]
[HORN HONKING.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[CROWD.]
God is Gay and he loves you! God is Gay and he loves you! God is Gay and he loves you! God is Gay and he loves you! This might just make CNN.
[HORN HONKING.]
Showtime.
[POUNDS CAR HOOD.]
- [SIRENS WAILING.]
- God is gay and he loves you.
[REPORTER.]
Take a look in front of me We are gay and we love you.
We are trans and we love you.
- [CROWD CHEERING.]
- We are lesbians and we love you.
We are the city of Chicago and we love you.
- Gay Jesus! - We are queer and we love you.
We are bisexual and we love you.
That's him.
Ian Gallagher, we have a warrant for your arrest.
We are your cops.
We are your neighbors.
We are your doctors.
Gallagher, get down from the truck.
Now.
[BIC.]
He's not Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
[GENEVA.]
No.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
[CROWD.]
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher! All right.
Arrest them all.
[CROWD.]
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
Excuse me, son.
[CROWD.]
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
- [CLARK.]
Excuse me.
- [CROWD.]
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher! [SWEET STRING MUSIC PLAYING.]
Come on, Dad, over here.
Come on.
Jesus.
Right right here.
[OFFICIATE.]
We have joined here today to share with Freelania and Rupert - an important moment - [WHISPERING.]
There's a prenup.
What? [WHISPERING.]
There's a prenup.
[LOUDLY.]
A prenup? [GUESTS.]
Shh! [OFFICIATE.]
By the power vested in me by the state of Illinois, I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
[GUESTS CLAPPING.]
[STRING MUSIC PLAYING.]
No water in the water fountain [PERCUSSIVE ECLECTIC MUSIC.]
No side on the sidewalk If you say, "Old Molly Hare, what you doing there?" Nothing much to do when you're going nowhere Whoo-haw, whoo-haw, gotcha We're gonna get the water from your house, your house - [ALARM BUZZES.]
- No water In the water fountain - No wood in the wood stock - [ALARM BUZZES.]
And you say, "Old Molly Hare, what you doing there?" Nothing much to do - [ALARM BUZZES.]
- When you're going nowhere Whoo-haw, whoo-haw, gotcha We're gonna get the water from your house, your house [PHONE RINGING.]
[TRANQUIL BEACHY MUSIC.]
You gonna get that? No.
Siri, decline call.
[RINGING STOPS.]
Listen to the words I said Let it sink into your head [ALARM BEEPING.]
Now I'm in your bed, how did I get ahead? Whoop, thread your fingers [SIRENS WAILING.]
Fingers through my hair Give me a dress, give me a dress I give a thing a caress, would you, would you? Would you listen to the words I say Sound like a flower bouquet A lyrical round and round and round and round [SIRENS BLARING.]
Thread your fingers through my hair Do it till you disappear Gimme your head, gimme your head Off with his head, hey, hey, hey No water in the water fountain Oh, fuck.
A lyrical round and round and round No side on the sidewalk Take a picture, it'll last all day, hey - If you say, hey - Fingers through my hair Nothing much to do when you're going nowhere Whoo-haw, whoo-haw, gotcha We're gonna get the water from your house, your house Gonna get the water from your house, your house We're gonna get the water from your house, your house We're gonna get the water from your house, your house Where do you think that old man went? [OFFICER.]
I don't know.
Let's get out of here.
[WATER LAPPING.]
[SPLUTTERING.]
[BRAD.]
Looks about done.
Yeah.
You gonna keep it or sell it? Keep it, I think.
You okay? Uh I was honest with Sierra.
But I think it really fucked her up.
Nobody ever said being honest would be painless.
[SIGHS.]
- Where's Eddie? - She quit.
Took off for Cabo with some guy she met at Sturgis.
She coming back for the kid? She called Social Services to come pick her up.
So Eddie split, huh? Hey, why don't you come stay with me for a couple days? Just till we find out where she went.
Yeah? That'd be cool.
Cool.
Um Look, my bike's done.
Um you wanna take Keith off the stand, see if the piece of shit actually runs? Yeah? [SUNNY MUSIC.]
I don't know I've been away I don't believe In the real thing I once got started [KASSIDI.]
Carl! Stop! Get off the bus! Get off the bus, Carl! Stop! [SHRIEKING.]
Carl, come back! I love you! Carl! But it just stopped raining [CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
I'm stepping out into the world I'm stepping out into the light Have a blessed day.
I've been through it I always have Paranoia But it would not last All right.
But I pinned it on you Held it up and showed the world Hold it up into the light Once it's right between your eyes [ENGINE REVVING.]
You'll see it's right here Look, it's glowing It's not the same feeling I can break [VOCALIZING.]
[REPORTER.]
We are getting reports of multiple arrests this morning at a rally led by - [DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN.]
- Holy shit.
I hope he's all right.
Police have identified the man as Ian Gallagher.
We have information that his organization - Not a fucking word.
- explosion on south side of the city earlier this week.
You can see him here with the megaphone moments
You seriously don't remember what happened last week on Shameless? Roll the tape.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
- [IAN.]
My God's a faggot.
My God's a dyke, a whore! [WAILS HOARSELY.]
[DEBBIE.]
If I pass out, keep going.
Do not stop until you cut off all three.
Two left.
But I hope you tire out soon.
[EXHALES.]
Here.
- The fuck is this? - This is a piece of shit that you're gonna turn into not-a-piece-of-shit.
I've always wanted to ride a Jet Ski.
Dylan said I could use the yellow one.
What does Dylan's father do that he has a yacht and a private plane? Wanna grab breakfast? Gotta get to the crib.
My niece is getting dropped off.
[SVETLANA.]
Freelania, you have everything.
- [GASPS.]
- Vera made this for me.
How did you make this all happen? [SVETLANA GRUNTS.]
[KEV.]
Jesus.
What do you got in there, a dead body? I do not believe she's dead yet.
Don't forget dinner at The Grill.
I wanna show off my beautiful bride-to-be.
[KASSIDI.]
Yes, I'll marry you! Fucking hell yes! [GASPING.]
[CARL.]
What the fuck? You cut up all my uniforms? [CARL.]
been okay with me going back to school now - 'cause we're married! - I will never be okay with being away from you, bae! Never! [FIONA.]
I let you stay in my apartment and you sue me? So what's the worst case? You're gonna be lucky if they don't put you in jail.
- [DOG WHIMPERS.]
- Rusty! [FIONA.]
They are going down.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? [MURMURS.]
[GENTLE MUSIC.]
[SIERRA.]
Where are you going? I'm going to work.
Go back to sleep, all right? I'm proud of you.
- What? - This last year you're strong.
I didn't know that before.
Thanks.
Can we stay at my place tonight? Uh yeah.
Yeah, sure.
That'd be good, all right? I love you.
I love you too.
Get some sleep.
[GLASS SQUEAKING.]
Close the fucking door! What the hell are you doing? I gotta run some errands and she's already downstairs.
I gotta get clothes and a new duffel.
- She tore up all my old shit.
- Hm.
When you go down, tell her I'm in the shower, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, how long [URINATING.]
Morning! Hey.
Oh, uh, Carl's in the shower.
I'm whipping up waffles.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, um Liam is asleep out in the backyard.
Is that normal? [WAFFLE MACHINE BEEPS.]
[QUIRKY MUSIC.]
Hey.
[LIAM MURMURS.]
Hey, Liam.
Hey, buddy.
I think you were sleepwalking again.
- Really? - Yeah.
Hey, are those my keys? I don't know.
What is it with you and keys, huh? [CHUCKLES.]
All right, come on.
Let's get you inside.
There you go, Papa Frank.
Thank you, favorite daughter-in-law.
- [MURMURS PLEASANTLY.]
- Only daughter-in-law.
Liam.
Sit.
[LIP.]
Hey, uh, would you save Lucas a waffle? I gotta go to work and he and Sierra spent the night.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
- I met your friend Dylan's dad.
You tell him I can go on the yacht vacation with them tomorrow? [DOOR CLOSES.]
[QUIETLY.]
I looked the man up.
He makes nothing.
He creates nothing.
He buys businesses, tears them apart, sells the pieces, and then discards the employees like trash.
He's a legal thief.
[KASSIDI.]
Here you are, Liam.
- Thank you so much.
- Mm-hmm.
He wants the companies to fail.
The world's not just, Liam.
No one's gonna take care of us in our old age.
We have a moral duty to rip this asshole off.
You know how to take photos with this? - Mm-hmm.
- What is keeping Carl? His bacon's getting cold.
[SIGHS.]
[CRUTCH CLANKING.]
What's with the boot? I cauterized the stumps.
[SIGHS.]
They were still bleeding, - so I went to the ER.
- [SCOFFS.]
Waste of money.
Cauterization has been used since the Egyptians were building pyramids.
Are those waffles? Yum.
So can I go on the cruise with Dylan's family or not? Well are we partners? [MONOTONE.]
Yeah.
Okay, good.
I'm very proud to be your partner.
And your job, partner, is to go to the Caribbean and have a great time.
After you get the code.
- The code? - To turn off the alarm.
And pics of their valuables and of the security system.
One more big score, I can retire in style.
[KASSIDI.]
Carl! You motherfucker! What the hell was that? Marital bliss.
- So now what? - [SVETLANA.]
Well, I steal her wedding dress, I take her place at wedding and marry rich old man with saggy diaper.
You don't think he's gonna notice the difference? He thought I was her.
He is weak in the head.
What about the wedding guests? I wear a veil.
No one will see.
[OMINOUS CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING FROM PHONE.]
- Kev.
- What? - Get her phone.
- You get her phone.
I get it.
Hold machete.
She tries anything, you cut her face, okay? No way.
I'm not slashing her face if she tries to make a run for it.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
"Zlata"? Shit.
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN.]
Her mother is coming to the wedding.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
She's gonna know Svetlana isn't her daughter, right? You yell one more time, I will shave your head, I will cut off your nipples, and I will sell you to the Mexican cartel for big fun, okay? When is Zlata coming? Today.
I am supposed to pick her up at airport.
And I need to pee.
Get a bowl.
What? Use it for her to pee.
Through her pants? [SVETLANA.]
Take the pants off! Get a bowl.
- You know her mother? - Ah, Zlata.
Scary old Soviet.
Survived Stalingrad as a young girl by eating human flesh.
She was a cannibal? [MUFFLED GRUNTING.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[EXHALES.]
- Oh, hey, Fiona.
- Hey.
Just back for a shower and a quick change of clothes.
Jesus.
What happened to your toes? Frank cut 'em off.
He what?! It's no big deal.
I asked him to.
You get rid of the squatters yet? Ah no.
Uh, Ford and Nessa are watching the building while I go to a lawyer thing.
[FRANK.]
Burn 'em out.
It's the oldest trick in the slumlord's handbook, arson.
You set a good blaze, they got two choices, run out of the building screaming or burn to death, and you get to the collect the insurance.
Has anyone seen my other boot? [FIONA.]
I'm not gonna burn my building down, Frank.
Why not? Being a landlord sucks.
Tenants who won't pay their rent, toilets clogged with massive after-Thanksgiving turds oh, there it is.
You need to get in touch with Pyro Paulie.
- Who? - Paulie Paterniski.
Best firebug on the South Side.
I think he works at the Handy Mart now.
Don't let his looks scare you.
He had a trigger fuse on a bucket of jet fuel go sideways on him.
The doctors used skin from his ass to rebuild his face.
Okay, I'm off to the city planner's office.
[DEB.]
I gotta go too.
I'm going to a birthday party with Franny for Derek's great-great-grandma who's turning, like, 200 years old or something.
I was gonna ask you if you think I should go or not.
- But I think I should.
- [FIONA.]
Okay.
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
- Don't hog the bathroom, okay? - I gotta take a shower.
- Okay.
Hey, uh, is Ian around? I don't know.
I just got here.
He's not here.
I don't think he came home last night.
Well, have the police been here yet? They have a warrant for his arrest.
[SLOW, PULSE-LIKE PERCUSSION.]
[TOW TRUCK BEEPING.]
What the fuck happened? Things got out of hand.
Is he off his meds? I have no idea.
Ian, hi.
It's Fiona.
Call me back, okay? [GENTLY.]
What the fuck? [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO.]
You name it yet? Your bike.
I haven't really thought about it.
Is it a boy or a girl? He's definitely a dude.
Then what about Keith? Why Keith? I just like the name Keith.
Can I help? Uh sure, yeah.
There's, um a box of pegs on Brad's desk.
Thanks.
Hey.
Still nothing from her mom? Hell no.
I'm so done with her fucking shit.
There's no box on the desk.
Oh? All right, I'll go take a look.
Keep an eye on that, all right? [COUGHS.]
Yo, where's that, uh, box of pegs? Uh, in that pile right there.
All right.
That a yoga mat? Uh, yeah.
My sponsor thought I might wanna give it a try.
- Oh.
- What? Supposed to be relaxing.
So, gonna ask me how I am today? Go on.
Ask me how I am today.
Okay.
- How are you today? - Fan-fucking-tastic.
- Yeah? - I got laid last night.
Oh! Cami? Yeah, asshole, Cami.
My fiancée.
How was it? I don't know, exactly.
I mean, I came so fast I don't think she enjoyed it much, but, uh I'm back in the bed.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's, uh that's great.
Man, congrats.
Really.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is.
Thanks.
Small victories, right? Yeah, right.
Have a nice day.
Cocaine or cash? - What? - The duffel.
Oh.
Military school uniforms, field supplies Has Kassi been around here looking for me? No.
Called a couple dozen times, though.
You can't tell her I was here.
Wanna tell me what's going on? Well, I have to go back to military school tomorrow.
Kassi doesn't want me to.
Cut up all my old shit with a carpet knife.
Had to buy new shit and can't afford to replace it again.
Sounds like true love.
It is.
And I love her too.
But I also love my brothers in 2nd Squad, Bravo Platoon just as much.
I mean, can't she understand that? You can love two things at once if you're not fucking them both, right? Yeah, make sure no one smokes back here.
You get a spark too close to that, could take out the whole block.
[UP-TEMPO ACOUSTIC.]
[GUITAR MUSIC.]
- [KEV.]
Really think this is gonna work? - [VERONICA.]
No fucking idea.
What if she doesn't drink? She's Russian.
She drinks.
What if she doesn't come with us? Why wouldn't she come with us? What if she's hungry? I mean, what do cannibals eat other than people? Do they like pizza? We could stop and get a pizza.
- There.
- Where? There.
Ms.
Zlata? - I'll take that for you.
- [KEV.]
Jesus.
[SPEAKING RUSSIAN.]
Mm - [SPEAKING RUSSIAN.]
- [KEV.]
Yep.
- [FIONA.]
Hey.
- Hey.
What's up? You sounded upset.
Have you seen Ian? [LIP.]
No, not for a couple days.
[SIGHS SOFTLY.]
The cops are looking for him.
What? Why? [FIONA.]
All this Gay Jesus shit he's mixed up in They set a van on fire.
[FIONA.]
Look, he hasn't called me back and no one seems to know where he is, so if you talk to him, tell him to come right home and we'll figure something out, okay? - [FIONA.]
I gotta go.
- Yeah.
Sorry, it's a a family thing.
Well.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I spoke to the Latham's attorney.
That guy is a real piece of work.
I think your roofer found his name on the back of a bus bench.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- But they are prepared to settle.
Really? For $3 million.
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
They offered to remove you from the suit and pursue litigation solely with your insurance company if you're prepared to make a few concessions.
Like what? Sign the title of the building over to them.
You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.
And they want "Sparkles.
" They want Sparkles back.
My dog, Rusty? They want my fucking dog? They said their kids got very attached and they're, quote, "crying themselves to sleep," end-quote, ever since you stole him.
I stole him? They stole him from me! They're motherfuckers! Tell them to get their own goddamn dog.
There's another option.
You sell the building now, before it goes to trial And spend the money.
Go to Vegas.
Take a trip around the world.
And then just declare bankruptcy.
Bankruptcy? Yeah.
It's better than letting them take everything you own.
[MOVIE CHARACTER.]
Gail, me and you? Ah, no, wait! Guys, wait up! - Gotta take a leak.
- 'Kay.
Got a couple betties shotgun in my Scraper Probably only wanna chill with me for the paper Rollin' down the block, buddy You know I be swinging Just call me the king in my city What you thinking? Got my money on my cranium Gotta keep it true You ain't on my level Look at me and look at you Baby, I got a whole lot of money - Money, money - Whole lot of money What's that panel thing with all the numbers next to the front door? Oh.
Our security system.
- How does it work? - When you leave, you punch in the code and, uh, if anyone tries to break in, it makes a noise and the police come.
Put in the code and we set it off, scare Consuela? Baby, I got a whole lot of money - Lot of money - Whole lot of money - Whole lot of money - [ALARM BLARING.]
Baby, I got a whole lot of money Dios mÃo, qué raqueta! I be always thinking money always [ALARM BLARING.]
[CONSUELA.]
Nine seven eight.
- [ALARM QUIETS.]
- [BOYS GIGGLE.]
No es gracioso, pequeño! It's not funny! [BOYS GIGGLING.]
Come on, let's go finish the movie, then go bowling in the basement.
[LAUGHS.]
Six, one, nine, seven [FRANNY GIGGLING.]
Thanks for coming.
What happened to your foot? Accident at work.
No biggie.
My mom tell you Pepa and I are getting married? I'd like you to consider letting me share custody of Franny.
I can afford to pay child support and I know you could use the money.
Go fuck yourself, Derek.
[CELIA.]
Okay, everybody's here! Let's go.
Bisabuela's awake.
Let's take the photo.
You look great.
That's a cute dress.
Hi, baby! Let's take a picture.
Come on.
Ah! [KISSES.]
Cute dress.
At least think about it? Okay? [MUSIC PLAYING.]
[CHATTERING IN SPANISH.]
[PATRIOTIC SNARE DRUM MUSIC.]
Here we are, Ms.
Zlata! I know you must be thirsty after your long trip.
[STATELY ORCHESTRAL MUSIC.]
Jesus, who's the corpse in the Phyllis Diller wig? - Don't get too close.
- She has the taste for human flesh.
How many Valium are we supposed to give her? What the hell are you wearing? How many of them have you already crushed up? Uh, four, maybe? Five, I think.
All right, add two for good measure.
What the hell is she doing here? Svetlana's friend Freelania is supposed to marry this super rich old guy, but Svetlana's gonna marry him instead.
So we're gonna drug the mother so she doesn't realize that it's Svetlana marrying him, not Freelania.
We don't think it's a good plan but we're gonna go along and just hope that we don't get arrested for kidnapping.
I honestly don't understand a single word you just said.
Here we are.
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT.]
Vodka.
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT.]
Vodka.
[GULPING.]
Old gal can really hold her hooch, huh? [SOFT, MELANCHOLY MUSIC.]
[KASSIDI.]
Where have you been? Oh, uh I went out and got you these.
- Flowers? - For our anniversary.
No it's not.
- Two months? - No.
You sure? We met one month, eighteen days, six hours and twelve minutes ago.
Oh.
Well I woke up thinking about you so I got you these.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh.
Wow.
How sweet.
You know, I've got a little surprise for you too.
Mm.
[ROCK MUSIC.]
Do you love me? Yes, of course.
[CHUCKLES.]
- How much? - A lot.
- Mm - [METAL RATTLING.]
Ow, what the hell? How stupid do you think I am, Carl? - Come on, Kassidi.
- The army-navy surplus store? You followed me? "Find my Phone," Carl! I have to go back! My men in my platoon are counting on me! No, no! [GRUNTS, THUDS HEADBOARD.]
I'll give you 60 grand for it, right now, sight unseen.
I have over 80 in it.
Yeah, but I'll take over the mortgage, and you can pocket that cash and just walk away.
I was hoping for 90.
- 50.
- 50? Jesus, I called to see if you'd be interested in buying my building, not to get bent over a fence.
Well, it's a distressed sale.
- 10.
- [FIONA.]
You know what? Go fuck yourself.
Good girl.
What? Sit down.
Come on, sit down.
You don't wanna sell.
The whole neighborhood's on the way up.
You're gonna make a killing in a couple years.
They're suing me for 6 million.
There's always some lazy bastard staring up at you from down in the shit.
So what do I do? Well, you make them a final offer that doesn't kill you and that they think is a winning lottery ticket.
Like how much? Five grand.
Ten.
Can you excuse me a minute? - Hey.
- [FIONA.]
Anything? No, he hasn't called me back.
You? You seen the clip? It's already got, like, 30,000 views.
[IAN.]
My God is a dyke.
- My God is trans - He looks fuckin' nuts.
[IAN.]
A junkie a whore! [EXPLOSION.]
What does that say? "Gay Jesus speaks the truth.
" - [SIGHS.]
- Is he off his meds? How the hell would I know? Shit.
[SIERRA TALKING INDISTINCTLY.]
I went by the center and Trevor's had people out looking for him all day.
I gotta go back to my building.
Kicked out those deadbeats yet? No, Ford's been watching my building all day.
- [SIERRA.]
No, no, Charlie! - [CHARLIE.]
How many more times - can I say I'm sorry? - Can you? - How many times do I have to say no? - Yo, guys! [SIERRA.]
I said fucking no, Charlie.
- [CHARLIE.]
Joshua is his brother.
- [SIERRA.]
Half-brother! [CHARLIE.]
What does that matter? Okay, Lucas wants to meet him and I said he could.
- You've been talking to Lucas? - He's my son.
I can call my son any goddamn - Fuck you! - [LIP.]
Shit.
You can't call him any time you want, - because he's fucking - [LIP.]
Calm the fuck down! - [CHARLIE.]
Yo.
- Calm! - Asshole! - You're fucking crazy! - You're crazy! - Just stop it! Hey! Someone's gonna call the cops, all right? - Both of you.
- He's my kid too! - [SIERRA.]
Fuck you! - [CHARLIE.]
Fuck you! [LIP.]
Stop! Stop! Charlie! Go, all right? Yeah, go back to your whore.
Have her pop out another fucking baby for you.
[CHARLIE.]
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
- Fuck it.
- [SIERRA SOBS.]
- Hey.
- [SIERRA.]
No.
[TRADITIONAL ACOUSTIC MUSIC.]
[LIVELY TRADITIONAL MUSIC.]
[VERONICA.]
Kev! Can you come up for a sec? [KEV.]
Hey, Freelania is crazy powerful.
She's using some Jedi mind trick voodoo shit on me down there.
Holy shit.
- You look - [VERONICA.]
Incredible, right? You need to try on your tux.
I have to wear a tux? [VERONICA.]
You are giving away the bride.
- I am? - Yeah, I have no father.
So you do it.
- Wow, really? I'm honored.
- [SVETLANA.]
Mm-hmm.
[SVETLANA.]
I also need you there for muscle, in case things go wrong.
What are we gonna do with Freelania after the wedding? I'm selling her to an old friend.
Works freighters out of Minsk.
- And what about her mom? - Oh, she's too old for sailors.
Probably just put rocks in her pockets and dump her in the lake.
[SOFTLY.]
Wow.
Father of the bride.
[FRANK.]
That's a nice silver service.
Uh-huh, Rolex, Cartier, Hublot Can we maybe find another house to rob? What? No.
This is perfect.
They'll be gone.
We know the code.
You got the code, right? Yeah, but Dylan's my friend.
Do we steal from our friends? No, we don't, and we're not.
Dylan's our friend.
We're not gonna take anything from him.
It's his criminal father that we're bringing to justice.
But they're taking me on their vacation and everything.
Eh, just to assuage their ruling-class guilt.
You're like the old clothes rich people donate to Goodwill Something they don't need, but they can pat themselves on the back for anyway.
Hey.
We have the chance to do the right thing here.
You need to see the bigger picture.
He's a robber baron, stealing food from the mouths of working-class children.
Are you gonna give the stuff we steal to hungry children? It's a metaphor.
We can never undo the damage that Dylan's dads have done.
But we can right the scales in our own small way and strike a chord for below-the-poverty-line folks everywhere.
It's the ethical thing to do.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
[WHISPERING.]
Take that.
Detective Clark, Chicago Police Department.
Looking for Ian Gallagher.
- Who? - Ian Gallagher.
Never heard of him.
You have to eat.
[SIGHS.]
Trevor's here.
He wants to talk.
How'd you find me? Bic.
The cops are looking for you and they came by the center twice today.
What are you planning to do? I don't know yet.
Well, they're threatening to send cops to the center to round up kids, throw them into group homes, send 'em back to their parents.
They want you to give Blake back to his parents and for you and Bic to turn yourselves in.
I'm making a difference here.
I feel good.
Alive.
[SIGHS.]
Fiona and Lip are trying to find you.
I'm worried about you.
I think that you might be off your meds.
[CHUCKLES.]
If they raid the center tomorrow, it'll be all over the news.
My donors will disappear.
The city will probably yank my permits and I'll have to shut down.
Would you look at me? Are you even listening? Look at me! These kids believe in you, but this isn't about you helping them anymore.
This is about you loving all of the attention and the hero worship.
If you care about these kids I mean truly care about them You'll turn yourself in before anyone gets hurt.
That's what a real leader would have the courage to do.
[SHOWER RUNNING.]
[WHISPERING.]
Debbie! Debbie! Oh, hey, Carl.
Grab your torch and cut me out of here.
Well, I can't.
My gear's in Farhad's truck.
[LAUGHING.]
Damn.
Kassidi really don't want you to go back to school, huh? Please.
There's not much time.
She's in the shower.
Derek's getting married to Pepa.
He wants shared custody of Franny.
There's a hacksaw in the basement.
You could saw them off.
On the plus side, he'd pay child support.
And he says Marine kids have really good healthcare.
You only have to cut through one.
I can cut the others! On the minus side, I wanna stab him in the head every time I see him and that skinny bitch Pepa together.
I think Kassidi put the keys in her pants pocket.
Try to go in and sneak in there while she's in the shower.
And then Franny will be spending time with Pepa! And what will she call Pepa? "Mommy"? - "Mother"? - Deb, will you please "Mama"? Oh! Hello, Debbie.
Oh, hey, Kassidi.
Hey, thanks again for the waffles this morning.
Oh, no problem.
I'm thinking about making eggs Benedict tomorrow.
Sounds delicious.
Hey, thanks for listening, Carl.
Really helps sometimes to be able to talk things out.
- [SOFTLY.]
Hey.
- [SIERRA.]
Hey.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Lucas asleep? A while ago.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry.
- About what? - The Charlie thing.
And the way that asshole gets to pretend like nothing ever happened.
Oh, fuck.
I forgot.
I'm sorry.
I'll get rid of these.
- I-it's cool.
- No, it's definitely not cool.
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS SHARPLY.]
[GENTLY.]
Hey, hey.
It's all right.
Fuck.
I'll go brush my teeth.
No it's all right, okay? Really.
Okay? I think I might be a little drunk.
[KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
How'd the lawyer meeting go? [CHUCKLES.]
I'm thinking of leaving the country.
And where are you thinking of going? Pretty much anywhere.
Then go to the airport, get on whatever international flight's taking off next, leave it to fate.
You coming with me? You want me to? That's not an answer.
Okay, then.
Sure.
I don't know what this is.
"This"? Us.
What do you want it to be? You really have to stop answering my questions with a question.
Is that bothering you, is it? What should I say when I talk about you to other people? Tell them whatever you want.
Am I your girlfriend? Do you want to be my girlfriend? Are you sleeping with anybody else? No.
And I'd tell you before that happened.
[SIGHS SOFTLY.]
I'm happy with what this is.
And I'm willing to make adjustments if you let me know what you want.
I want you to be madly in love with me.
[SIGHS.]
I'm not 17 years old.
I don't fall madly in love with people anymore.
Ever? I've fallen madly in love.
Didn't work out so well.
Who was she? Do you really wanna know? No.
I just can't see myself picking up and leaving.
Chicago's my home.
I like it here.
[CHILDREN LAUGHING DISTANTLY.]
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
[CHILDREN LAUGHING.]
Back to the murder scenarios? [CHUCKLES.]
No.
It's time to go Gallagher.
[SOFT R&B MUSIC.]
Do you need to use the bedpan again? No, I'm all right.
[SIGHS HAPPILY.]
I know you want to go back to that school, but now we can start our lives together as newlyweds.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, first thing we need to do is get an apartment.
[KASSIDI.]
Nothing too big, you know.
Maybe we'll get lucky and we'll find something in the projects.
You know, one of those buildings where the elevator never works and[CHUCKLES.]
There's always gangs out in the stairwell.
[SIGHS.]
We'll have to get an extra bedroom too For the kids.
I want six.
Don't you? We can have three boys and three girls.
And their names will start with a C and a K just like us.
Like Charlie and Kristin Karen Katherine Cody, Cole, Cooper Oh, we can call him little Coop.
We'll shower once a week.
And [LAUGHS.]
And we can, uh, eat fast food and get really fat.
I feel like I don't have the words We'll be like real people, Carl.
Because I can't speak Of these words I've tried to recite They are close, but not quite Almost impossible to do Reciting the makings of you Six-one-nine-seven [CART RATTLING LOUDLY.]
[INHALES.]
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
[EXHALES.]
[MOANS SOFTLY.]
[EXHALES.]
[FLOORBOARD CREAKS.]
[ROUSING ROCK MUSIC.]
Looking for Paulie.
In the back.
You Pyro Paulie? Yes.
Fiona Gallagher.
Geneva.
Wake up.
I know what I have to do now.
And it's big.
Up.
Up! Up! Everyone up! Come on! I need sheets.
I need lots and lots of sheets! Whoa.
Sent a limo, huh? Son? The code? [DRIVER.]
Sir.
[ELEGANT ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
Who the hell are you? Oh.
Father of the bride.
- Really? - Well, no, no.
I'm not the father.
I'm a friend, but, uh but I get to give her away.
[SIGHS.]
Fucking fantastic.
Oh, hey, Dad.
Big day, huh? [RUPERT JR.
.]
Whoa.
Where are your shoes? - What? - Your shoes.
You can't get married in slippers, right? Jesus Christ, Everett.
Go find his goddamn shoes, would you, please? [RUPERT JR.
.]
Did you see who's here, Dad? Arthur.
Came all the way from Palm Beach.
- Who? - Arthur.
You started the company with him.
You wanted him to be your best man.
[SIGHING.]
Yeah.
Wedding's gonna start any minute, Dad.
Oh, great.
I'm starving.
[CHUCKLING WRYLY.]
Jesus, what a shit show.
Well, I better go get the bride.
Thank God there's a prenup, right? [ROCK MUSIC.]
Is that a pipe bomb? Smoke bomb.
Pyro Paulie swears it won't explode - or start a fire.
- "Pyro Paulie"? [FORD.]
Name doesn't inspire a whole lot of confidence.
You should see his face.
Ready? - [BOMB HISSING.]
- Shit.
In the wrong place at the wrong time Yeah, you messed up Fucking bitch! - [THUD.]
- [WOMAN SCREAMS.]
[MAN.]
Whoa! 'Cause you're out of luck [COUGHING.]
- [TRINA.]
Bitch! - Apartment door's open.
You might wanna vacate the premises before you die of smoke inhalation.
[COUGHING VIOLENTLY.]
[MAN.]
Pick up the girl, come on! [DOOR OPENS.]
[FAMILY COUGHING.]
I'm gonna call the police.
You could've killed us.
Here's the deal, shitheads.
This is $4,000.
And I will give it to you right now.
If you get in your shitty car, point yourselves west, and don't stop till you hit the Pacific Ocean.
- Go fuck yourself.
- You haven't heard the whole offer yet, Trina.
When you get to the Pacific Ocean, you call me and you give me an address so that every month for the next year Assuming you drop your bullshit lawsuit I can send you a money order for $500.
Go to hell.
Think about it, Rodney.
Lawsuits can take years before they get to court.
And who knows? In the end, you might lose.
We won't lose.
[SIGHS, CLICKS TONGUE.]
Maybe yes, maybe no.
My lawyer thinks I'm gonna win.
Rodney.
[PERCUSSIVE ROCK MUSIC.]
Hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, aww Oops.
Offer just went down $200.
So that's $3,800.
Right here, right now All righty, then.
[RODNEY.]
No, no, no, no, no.
- Rodney - Goddammit.
We'll take the cash.
Okay.
Sign this.
Come on, turn around.
How do we know you'll send us the money like you promise? 'Cause I gave you my word.
And around here, that means something.
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh Is that real money you just burned? Whoa-oh-oh, oh [WHISPERING.]
Yeah, and it just about fucking killed me.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Fuck.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Thought you left for work.
Yeah, I just, um I wanted to talk to you.
I'm really sorry about last night.
I was just so fucking pissed, you know? I think you should give Charlie one last chance.
What? I mean, you know, he fucked up, but, uh we all fuck up, so I told you I was sorry.
You two weren't together when he got that other girl pregnant.
You know, and he didn't wanna lose you.
Where the fuck is this coming from? You don't love me.
- I've been drunk - [SIGHS.]
Or high almost every day since I was 12 years old.
And Brad was off the wagon and Youens died - Do you fucking love me? - I don't know.
I want to.
You know, I really do, but I-I've been sleepwalking through my life for years, and you know, I've been so loaded, I-I haven't known what I want you know, or who I wanna be, or-or-or be with, and I just Fuck! [SIGHS.]
Just leave.
Please.
- [SIGHS.]
- I was drunk on our first date.
- Lip - I was drunk almost the entire time that we were together.
[BREATHING RAGGEDLY.]
I don't know how to be with myself, let alone someone else.
Man, I don't know what I want, but I I know I have to be honest with you.
- J [PANTS.]
- Okay? - And it's because I care about you - Just go, Lip! Please! [SOBS.]
Oh, my God.
- [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- I'm sorry.
Don't! I'm sorry.
[RAGGED BREATHING, CRYING.]
[HORN HONKING.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
[CROWD.]
God is Gay and he loves you! God is Gay and he loves you! God is Gay and he loves you! God is Gay and he loves you! This might just make CNN.
[HORN HONKING.]
Showtime.
[POUNDS CAR HOOD.]
- [SIRENS WAILING.]
- God is gay and he loves you.
[REPORTER.]
Take a look in front of me We are gay and we love you.
We are trans and we love you.
- [CROWD CHEERING.]
- We are lesbians and we love you.
We are the city of Chicago and we love you.
- Gay Jesus! - We are queer and we love you.
We are bisexual and we love you.
That's him.
Ian Gallagher, we have a warrant for your arrest.
We are your cops.
We are your neighbors.
We are your doctors.
Gallagher, get down from the truck.
Now.
[BIC.]
He's not Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
[GENEVA.]
No.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
[CROWD.]
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher! All right.
Arrest them all.
[CROWD.]
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
Excuse me, son.
[CROWD.]
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
- [CLARK.]
Excuse me.
- [CROWD.]
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher.
I'm Ian Gallagher! [SWEET STRING MUSIC PLAYING.]
Come on, Dad, over here.
Come on.
Jesus.
Right right here.
[OFFICIATE.]
We have joined here today to share with Freelania and Rupert - an important moment - [WHISPERING.]
There's a prenup.
What? [WHISPERING.]
There's a prenup.
[LOUDLY.]
A prenup? [GUESTS.]
Shh! [OFFICIATE.]
By the power vested in me by the state of Illinois, I now pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
[GUESTS CLAPPING.]
[STRING MUSIC PLAYING.]
No water in the water fountain [PERCUSSIVE ECLECTIC MUSIC.]
No side on the sidewalk If you say, "Old Molly Hare, what you doing there?" Nothing much to do when you're going nowhere Whoo-haw, whoo-haw, gotcha We're gonna get the water from your house, your house - [ALARM BUZZES.]
- No water In the water fountain - No wood in the wood stock - [ALARM BUZZES.]
And you say, "Old Molly Hare, what you doing there?" Nothing much to do - [ALARM BUZZES.]
- When you're going nowhere Whoo-haw, whoo-haw, gotcha We're gonna get the water from your house, your house [PHONE RINGING.]
[TRANQUIL BEACHY MUSIC.]
You gonna get that? No.
Siri, decline call.
[RINGING STOPS.]
Listen to the words I said Let it sink into your head [ALARM BEEPING.]
Now I'm in your bed, how did I get ahead? Whoop, thread your fingers [SIRENS WAILING.]
Fingers through my hair Give me a dress, give me a dress I give a thing a caress, would you, would you? Would you listen to the words I say Sound like a flower bouquet A lyrical round and round and round and round [SIRENS BLARING.]
Thread your fingers through my hair Do it till you disappear Gimme your head, gimme your head Off with his head, hey, hey, hey No water in the water fountain Oh, fuck.
A lyrical round and round and round No side on the sidewalk Take a picture, it'll last all day, hey - If you say, hey - Fingers through my hair Nothing much to do when you're going nowhere Whoo-haw, whoo-haw, gotcha We're gonna get the water from your house, your house Gonna get the water from your house, your house We're gonna get the water from your house, your house We're gonna get the water from your house, your house Where do you think that old man went? [OFFICER.]
I don't know.
Let's get out of here.
[WATER LAPPING.]
[SPLUTTERING.]
[BRAD.]
Looks about done.
Yeah.
You gonna keep it or sell it? Keep it, I think.
You okay? Uh I was honest with Sierra.
But I think it really fucked her up.
Nobody ever said being honest would be painless.
[SIGHS.]
- Where's Eddie? - She quit.
Took off for Cabo with some guy she met at Sturgis.
She coming back for the kid? She called Social Services to come pick her up.
So Eddie split, huh? Hey, why don't you come stay with me for a couple days? Just till we find out where she went.
Yeah? That'd be cool.
Cool.
Um Look, my bike's done.
Um you wanna take Keith off the stand, see if the piece of shit actually runs? Yeah? [SUNNY MUSIC.]
I don't know I've been away I don't believe In the real thing I once got started [KASSIDI.]
Carl! Stop! Get off the bus! Get off the bus, Carl! Stop! [SHRIEKING.]
Carl, come back! I love you! Carl! But it just stopped raining [CROWD SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY.]
I'm stepping out into the world I'm stepping out into the light Have a blessed day.
I've been through it I always have Paranoia But it would not last All right.
But I pinned it on you Held it up and showed the world Hold it up into the light Once it's right between your eyes [ENGINE REVVING.]
You'll see it's right here Look, it's glowing It's not the same feeling I can break [VOCALIZING.]
[REPORTER.]
We are getting reports of multiple arrests this morning at a rally led by - [DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN.]
- Holy shit.
I hope he's all right.
Police have identified the man as Ian Gallagher.
We have information that his organization - Not a fucking word.
- explosion on south side of the city earlier this week.
You can see him here with the megaphone moments