Bewitched (1964) s08e14 Episode Script
Adam, Warlock or Washout?
Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[.]
How do you like your French toast, Daddy? Before you answer, guess who made it.
Tabitha made it.
Who asked you to tell? It's very good.
I didn't even know you could speak French.
What time is your golf date? Oh, no special time.
Larry's in Chicago, so our regular foursome isn't playing today.
I have an idea.
Why don't you stay home and spend the day with this foursome? I might just do that.
More milk, Mommy.
Oh, how about that? He wants to drink to your staying home.
Mmm.
Tabitha, it's delicious.
Thank you, Daddy.
[.]
Emergency.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
I'll get that.
You get the milk.
Hmm, got to put peanut butter on the shopping list.
Yes, Mother? What is Durwood doing here? If you're referring to Darrin, he lives here.
Ah, ah, ah.
Don't be impertinent.
It was you who suggested that the testing committee come on a Saturday because that's when It plays golf.
Well, this is the wrong Saturday.
He isn't playing today.
Samantha, as chairman of the committee, I can't keep stalling the other members.
Mother, don't put your foot on that tomato.
You'll give it a soft spot, and they're sky high these days.
Oh, now you're trying to stall me.
The witches' council has already asked me why you're so reluctant to have Adam's power shown.
Well Well, if you put it off another time, you might as well come right out and admit that so far he hasn't shown the least talent for witchcraft.
But he's just a baby.
Oh, Samantha, why pretend with me? At his age, Tabitha was doing all manner of witchcraft.
Now, you get rid of Durwood.
I'm not sure I can.
You'd better try.
You're aware that your father is going to be here for the test? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
I think I'll try and get Dur Uh, Darrin, out of the house.
Here, Mother, have an apple.
It'll keep the witch doctor away.
[.]
ANNOUNCER: [.]
[.]
[.]
Who was at the door? Oh, one of those survey people.
Sort of a testing poll.
I got rid of her.
Well, Tabitha, if you are through, why don't you take Adam upstairs and get him dressed? And then you two can run out on the patio and play.
Okay, Mommy.
Come on, Adam.
Your room is messy, Tabitha.
Uh Sweetheart, I've been thinking.
Maybe you ought to play golf today.
But you just talked me into spending the day at home.
Well Uh, now I-I'd like to talk you into playing golf.
Why? Because you enjoy it, because the exercise is good for you, because I want you to be happy.
ENDORA: This dialogue is utterly depressing.
Endora, would you mind knocking before you pop in? I thought you were on your way to play a set of golf.
It's a round of golf.
A set of tennis.
Oh, what a stimulating revelation.
Sam, what's going on? Darrin, trust me.
Go and play golf.
You know you like to play golf.
I like to play golf when I like to play golf, and I want to know what's going on.
Well, if I tell you, you'd just get angry.
I can't get angry, I already am.
Darrin, if you love me, you'll go play golf.
If he loved you, he'd never come back.
Endora, why don't you go play with your snakes? [HISSES.]
[FLUTE PLAYING ARABESQUE MELODY.]
What on Earth is that? It's nothing on Earth.
It's your father announcing his arrival.
I'm gonna go play golf.
Thanks.
[.]
[ARABESQUE MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Girls! "She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies.
And all that's best of dark and bright.
Meet in her aspect and her eyes.
" Oh, thank you, Daddy.
You and Byron say the cutest things.
Maurice, this exhibition is absurd, childishly flamboyant, and pathetically egomaniacal.
Thank you, Endora.
Your charm is ageless.
So sad about the rest of you.
[.]
Tinkerbell, park the litter.
When is the rest of the committee arriving? Well, uh, D-Daddy, I'm not sure, and I know how you hate to wait around, so it's all right if you want to leave.
What? And miss my grandson's coming of age? Not on your life.
Of course, he's going to pass with flying colors, isn't he? Well, it all depends on what they ask him to do.
Where is the lad? Well, he's upstairs getting dressed, Daddy, but I haven't had a chance to A little advance testing wouldn't hurt, would it? Uh, but But, Daddy [.]
Oh, dear.
Hello, Grandpapa.
Tabitha! How is my little princess? Fine.
I can always tell your voice, Grandpapa.
Yes, people say it has a unique quality.
And it's so loud too.
[LAUGHS SCORNFULLY.]
That reminds me, someday we must fly north to see the seals.
[LAUGHS.]
[.]
Now then, I've got something for you to hear.
Listen.
Listen very carefully.
What do your hear, Adam? Is it the roar of the sea? Do you hear the roar of the sea? Yes.
All right.
Now, I've got another little game for you.
Look, you see this little fella? See him? Now, I want you to go over there.
That's it.
Now, I want you to make him come to you.
[TOY DOG BARKS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, no, no, no, no, Adam.
That's the lazy way.
[.]
I want you to do it like this.
[MAURICE LAUGHS.]
Now, you can do that, can't you? No, Grandpa.
Good grief.
Don't tell me my grandson's powers have been temporarily frustrated by his unfortunate lineage.
However, nothing so serious that Grandpapa cannot fix.
Oh, spirits on high, I bid ye now, this child of woe you must endow with powers befitting my descendant and I will act as superintendent.
Now, Adam, shall we go for a short flight? Ohh! Bravo! Bravo! [.]
Rasputin.
Thank you, Rasputin.
You may leave now.
Hello, darling.
Good to see you.
Hello, my dear.
Nice to see you.
Enchanted, Samantha.
GRIMALDA: Now, where is the little warlock? Right here, ladies.
Oh! Oh! How enchanting.
How adorable.
ENCHANTRA: How sweet.
Grimalda, you look ravishing.
Enchantra, how do you keep your girlish figure? [BOTH LAUGH.]
Well, Maurice, you're certainly a hit with the ladies of the geriatric set.
What a comfort to know you still care.
Now, stop it, you two.
I'm nervous enough.
Let's prepare the room.
[.]
Please take your places.
Come, Adam.
Come on.
Daddy! Rest easy, my dear.
Adam was a little sluggish at first, but I gave him a few pointers.
Pointers? What do you mean? It's going to work out all right.
[FORCED LAUGH.]
We shall begin with simple levitation.
Enchantra.
See the ball.
The ball is red.
Make the red ball fly to you.
Go ahead, dear.
Try.
No coaching, please.
Go ahead, dear.
Try.
I can't.
[BOTH GASP.]
[BOTH.]
He can't! Oh, dear! I thought you said everything was going to work out.
It will.
The problem is you're testing him on too elementary a level.
Remember, he's my grandson.
And mine.
Well, he can't help that.
Ask the lad to fly, for example.
Fly? He can't.
He's too young.
It's unheard of.
For ordinary warlocks, yes, but not for my grandson.
I wish I knew what you were up to.
"Oh, ye of little faith.
" Proceed.
As you wish.
[.]
Do you want to try to fly? Okay.
Hi, Mommy.
Hi, Mommy.
Hi, Mommy.
I I can't believe it.
Neither can I.
Well, now that that's settled, I suppose we can adjourn.
I second the motion.
Ladies, I'd love to stay, but I have to referee a flying-fish race on the road to Mandalay.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
So as Caesar said to Antony, "Fare thee well.
"The elements be kind to thee "and make thy spirits all of comfort.
" Mommy, where is Daddy? He's playing golf.
I wish Daddy was here.
[.]
Where did he go? Where did who go? Oh, my stars! Sam, I demand to know what's going on here.
Uh, sweetheart SAMANTHA: It's Adam.
Well, he had a sudden attack of wish-craft.
He wished you were here, and here you are.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
[.]
Since when did he start doing any kind of craft, wish or otherwise? And who are those old [BOTH GASP.]
Watch it! It's something I thought you'd be happier not knowing.
But, if you insist, I'll fill you in.
I want to apologize for all this.
It's just disgraceful.
Oh, yes, it is.
Absolutely.
I've never been treated like this before in my entire life.
[.]
You've got to be kidding.
Sweetheart, you don't know how lucky we are.
When I come home and find the house full of witches I don't consider it lucky.
When you are married to a witch, that's always a possibility, isn't it? I mean, it sort of goes with the territory.
Yes, but the territory has boundaries, and as far as I'm concerned, what's going on out there is off-limits.
I want those old biddies out of this house.
Here.
Well, oh! [.]
Mama.
Want to see me fly, Daddy? See him fl Adam, I want you to go upstairs to your room and play.
Adam! Sweetheart, I think Daddy would like it if you used the stairs.
Okay.
[.]
Come on.
Zip on up there, and I'll be up in a while.
Go on.
There you go.
Something's going on here, anyway.
We have to wait and wait [WITCHES MURMURING.]
Ladies.
We simply can't.
It's ridiculous.
I know you have other places to go.
Let me get your brooms.
Don't worry, Durwood.
We're leaving as soon as we announce our decision.
What decision? Since it's quite obvious that Adam is a warlock of incredible genius, it is our opinion that he requires special handling.
Therefore, we have decided to remove him from this dubious environment.
Oh, brother! That's ridiculous.
There is no need to get hysterical, Durwood.
We're not talking about removing Adam permanently.
No, only for 20 or 30 years.
Sam, you better do something, or I'll do something I'll live to regret.
If I live.
I protest.
On what grounds? [.]
You tested Adam to make sure that a mixed marriage would not affect his powers.
Well, the results should satisfy everyone.
Yes, but that was before we discovered what a prodigy he is.
Adam leaves this house over my dead body.
The notion is tempting but hardly necessary.
This is Adam's home, and this is where he stays.
Young man, will you kindly stop barking at us? I will not stop.
I am Adam's father, and he's going to be educated as [BARKING.]
Oh, dear.
[BARKING.]
Well, they did warn you.
It is time for us to take our leave now.
Kindly get the boy.
May I be permitted to say something? No.
Not now.
Just two words? Very well.
Daddy, help! What's the trouble, my dear? Daddy, they want to take Adam.
Take him? Take him where? As you know, the child's a prodigy, and the committee has decided that he needs special care.
Special training.
Ridiculous.
[BARKING.]
Who asked for your opinion? Maurice, you saw the child fly.
You must admit, flying at Adam's age is incredible.
[.]
Ladies, what you don't understand is that Adam was only able to accomplish that miracle because of my presence.
The truth is, he has no power of witchcraft whatsoever.
None whatsoever? Then how do you explain I gave him a little help.
[BOTH GASP.]
If the child is completely mortal, that leaves us with no alternative.
None whatsoever.
The marriage must be dissolved.
[.]
See? Every cloud has a silver lining.
[BARKING.]
Enchantra If Darrin promises to restrain himself, will you please restore his voice? As you wish.
Sam, tell me this is all a nightmare.
Daddy, don't let them.
I don't want my marriage dissolved.
Just calm down, my dear.
Ladies, as I once said to Will Shakespeare, and later gave him permission to quote me, "The quality of mercy is not strained Hold it.
What has that to do with what we're discussing? Nothing, but now I have your attention.
Let me tell you what I think the problem is.
This child is being brought up in an atmosphere that has inhibited the growth of his witchcraft.
You see, Samantha's husband, that mortal lamebrain, absolutely forbids the use of witchcraft in this house.
No! Yes.
No! Yes.
No! Why do you keep saying no when I tell you yes? Now, Samantha, my dear, you are the child's mother.
It is up to you to provide a fertile ground for his natural growth.
Try that, and Adam may surprise you.
I hope so.
Now, Sam, just a minute.
I have something to say Silence! Adam! Come over here, Adam.
That's right.
Give me the shell.
Shell into bell, Bell into shell, At knell of bell, Be gone, oh spell.
[BELL RINGING.]
Now, the little rascal's on his own.
Sweetheart, maybe if I explain something to you in mortal terms, then you might understand.
Now, if Adam had an innate talent for, uh, music, say, and we forbade him to use it, well, that would not only be unfair, but it could be harmful.
Witchcraft is a talent too.
Well, now, isn't that logical? If you're married to a witch, I guess it's logical.
Adam, watch the shell.
Turn around.
Now, watch this.
Here it comes.
Look at that.
Oh, now, I'm gonna send it back, okay? Now, you watch.
Back onto the table.
There.
Oh, boy.
One more time, watch! Here it comes.
Oh, wow.
Now you try it.
[.]
It's okay.
SAMANTHA: There it goes.
It goes, oh, it's Oh! He did it.
He did it.
That's wonderful.
Just wonderful.
Mine you are, grandson! Bravo, Adam.
Bravo! Isn't that terrific? Yeah.
But the way you're all carrying on, you'd think he'd just taken his first step.
But, sweetheart, that's exactly what he did.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[.]
Bye, Samantha.
Goodbye, Maurice.
Au revoir, au revoir.
Bye-bye.
Au revoir.
Very well, Rasputin.
Home! [.]
Well, thank goodness that's over.
Two down and two to go.
I'm thirsty.
Bravo.
Very good, Adam.
Sam Uh, well, I I'll have a talk with him later.
Sweetheart, now, why don't you take your milk out to the kitchen, please? Okay? With both hands, now.
There you go.
Well, I must be off.
I'm due at the ballet at Petrograd.
They're doing Penguin Lake.
Don't you mean Swan Lake? No, it's an ice ballet.
They couldn't get the skates on the swans.
Endora, shall I drop you somewhere? Over the Matterhorn, perhaps? I get the point.
Thanks for your help, Daddy.
If it hadn't been for you, I would've had a disaster on my hands.
You still have a disaster on your hands.
Young man, take good care of my little girl or I'll take good care of you.
I've managed pretty well up to now.
I'll be the judge of that.
Farewell! Farewell! A long farewell.
If it's going to be that long, I'm not waiting.
Scene stealer.
What a character! He is rather unique, isn't he? Yeah, but his daughter is even more unique.
[GIGGLES.]
And prettier.
Oh! [.]
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Uh, I guess I'll have to have that little talk with him right now.
Adam, did you pop Mommy into the kitchen? Yes.
[.]
Afterwards, you and I can continue our little talk.
Good idea.
[.]
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[.]
How do you like your French toast, Daddy? Before you answer, guess who made it.
Tabitha made it.
Who asked you to tell? It's very good.
I didn't even know you could speak French.
What time is your golf date? Oh, no special time.
Larry's in Chicago, so our regular foursome isn't playing today.
I have an idea.
Why don't you stay home and spend the day with this foursome? I might just do that.
More milk, Mommy.
Oh, how about that? He wants to drink to your staying home.
Mmm.
Tabitha, it's delicious.
Thank you, Daddy.
[.]
Emergency.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
I'll get that.
You get the milk.
Hmm, got to put peanut butter on the shopping list.
Yes, Mother? What is Durwood doing here? If you're referring to Darrin, he lives here.
Ah, ah, ah.
Don't be impertinent.
It was you who suggested that the testing committee come on a Saturday because that's when It plays golf.
Well, this is the wrong Saturday.
He isn't playing today.
Samantha, as chairman of the committee, I can't keep stalling the other members.
Mother, don't put your foot on that tomato.
You'll give it a soft spot, and they're sky high these days.
Oh, now you're trying to stall me.
The witches' council has already asked me why you're so reluctant to have Adam's power shown.
Well Well, if you put it off another time, you might as well come right out and admit that so far he hasn't shown the least talent for witchcraft.
But he's just a baby.
Oh, Samantha, why pretend with me? At his age, Tabitha was doing all manner of witchcraft.
Now, you get rid of Durwood.
I'm not sure I can.
You'd better try.
You're aware that your father is going to be here for the test? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
I think I'll try and get Dur Uh, Darrin, out of the house.
Here, Mother, have an apple.
It'll keep the witch doctor away.
[.]
ANNOUNCER: [.]
[.]
[.]
Who was at the door? Oh, one of those survey people.
Sort of a testing poll.
I got rid of her.
Well, Tabitha, if you are through, why don't you take Adam upstairs and get him dressed? And then you two can run out on the patio and play.
Okay, Mommy.
Come on, Adam.
Your room is messy, Tabitha.
Uh Sweetheart, I've been thinking.
Maybe you ought to play golf today.
But you just talked me into spending the day at home.
Well Uh, now I-I'd like to talk you into playing golf.
Why? Because you enjoy it, because the exercise is good for you, because I want you to be happy.
ENDORA: This dialogue is utterly depressing.
Endora, would you mind knocking before you pop in? I thought you were on your way to play a set of golf.
It's a round of golf.
A set of tennis.
Oh, what a stimulating revelation.
Sam, what's going on? Darrin, trust me.
Go and play golf.
You know you like to play golf.
I like to play golf when I like to play golf, and I want to know what's going on.
Well, if I tell you, you'd just get angry.
I can't get angry, I already am.
Darrin, if you love me, you'll go play golf.
If he loved you, he'd never come back.
Endora, why don't you go play with your snakes? [HISSES.]
[FLUTE PLAYING ARABESQUE MELODY.]
What on Earth is that? It's nothing on Earth.
It's your father announcing his arrival.
I'm gonna go play golf.
Thanks.
[.]
[ARABESQUE MUSIC CONTINUES.]
Girls! "She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies.
And all that's best of dark and bright.
Meet in her aspect and her eyes.
" Oh, thank you, Daddy.
You and Byron say the cutest things.
Maurice, this exhibition is absurd, childishly flamboyant, and pathetically egomaniacal.
Thank you, Endora.
Your charm is ageless.
So sad about the rest of you.
[.]
Tinkerbell, park the litter.
When is the rest of the committee arriving? Well, uh, D-Daddy, I'm not sure, and I know how you hate to wait around, so it's all right if you want to leave.
What? And miss my grandson's coming of age? Not on your life.
Of course, he's going to pass with flying colors, isn't he? Well, it all depends on what they ask him to do.
Where is the lad? Well, he's upstairs getting dressed, Daddy, but I haven't had a chance to A little advance testing wouldn't hurt, would it? Uh, but But, Daddy [.]
Oh, dear.
Hello, Grandpapa.
Tabitha! How is my little princess? Fine.
I can always tell your voice, Grandpapa.
Yes, people say it has a unique quality.
And it's so loud too.
[LAUGHS SCORNFULLY.]
That reminds me, someday we must fly north to see the seals.
[LAUGHS.]
[.]
Now then, I've got something for you to hear.
Listen.
Listen very carefully.
What do your hear, Adam? Is it the roar of the sea? Do you hear the roar of the sea? Yes.
All right.
Now, I've got another little game for you.
Look, you see this little fella? See him? Now, I want you to go over there.
That's it.
Now, I want you to make him come to you.
[TOY DOG BARKS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, no, no, no, no, Adam.
That's the lazy way.
[.]
I want you to do it like this.
[MAURICE LAUGHS.]
Now, you can do that, can't you? No, Grandpa.
Good grief.
Don't tell me my grandson's powers have been temporarily frustrated by his unfortunate lineage.
However, nothing so serious that Grandpapa cannot fix.
Oh, spirits on high, I bid ye now, this child of woe you must endow with powers befitting my descendant and I will act as superintendent.
Now, Adam, shall we go for a short flight? Ohh! Bravo! Bravo! [.]
Rasputin.
Thank you, Rasputin.
You may leave now.
Hello, darling.
Good to see you.
Hello, my dear.
Nice to see you.
Enchanted, Samantha.
GRIMALDA: Now, where is the little warlock? Right here, ladies.
Oh! Oh! How enchanting.
How adorable.
ENCHANTRA: How sweet.
Grimalda, you look ravishing.
Enchantra, how do you keep your girlish figure? [BOTH LAUGH.]
Well, Maurice, you're certainly a hit with the ladies of the geriatric set.
What a comfort to know you still care.
Now, stop it, you two.
I'm nervous enough.
Let's prepare the room.
[.]
Please take your places.
Come, Adam.
Come on.
Daddy! Rest easy, my dear.
Adam was a little sluggish at first, but I gave him a few pointers.
Pointers? What do you mean? It's going to work out all right.
[FORCED LAUGH.]
We shall begin with simple levitation.
Enchantra.
See the ball.
The ball is red.
Make the red ball fly to you.
Go ahead, dear.
Try.
No coaching, please.
Go ahead, dear.
Try.
I can't.
[BOTH GASP.]
[BOTH.]
He can't! Oh, dear! I thought you said everything was going to work out.
It will.
The problem is you're testing him on too elementary a level.
Remember, he's my grandson.
And mine.
Well, he can't help that.
Ask the lad to fly, for example.
Fly? He can't.
He's too young.
It's unheard of.
For ordinary warlocks, yes, but not for my grandson.
I wish I knew what you were up to.
"Oh, ye of little faith.
" Proceed.
As you wish.
[.]
Do you want to try to fly? Okay.
Hi, Mommy.
Hi, Mommy.
Hi, Mommy.
I I can't believe it.
Neither can I.
Well, now that that's settled, I suppose we can adjourn.
I second the motion.
Ladies, I'd love to stay, but I have to referee a flying-fish race on the road to Mandalay.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
So as Caesar said to Antony, "Fare thee well.
"The elements be kind to thee "and make thy spirits all of comfort.
" Mommy, where is Daddy? He's playing golf.
I wish Daddy was here.
[.]
Where did he go? Where did who go? Oh, my stars! Sam, I demand to know what's going on here.
Uh, sweetheart SAMANTHA: It's Adam.
Well, he had a sudden attack of wish-craft.
He wished you were here, and here you are.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
[.]
Since when did he start doing any kind of craft, wish or otherwise? And who are those old [BOTH GASP.]
Watch it! It's something I thought you'd be happier not knowing.
But, if you insist, I'll fill you in.
I want to apologize for all this.
It's just disgraceful.
Oh, yes, it is.
Absolutely.
I've never been treated like this before in my entire life.
[.]
You've got to be kidding.
Sweetheart, you don't know how lucky we are.
When I come home and find the house full of witches I don't consider it lucky.
When you are married to a witch, that's always a possibility, isn't it? I mean, it sort of goes with the territory.
Yes, but the territory has boundaries, and as far as I'm concerned, what's going on out there is off-limits.
I want those old biddies out of this house.
Here.
Well, oh! [.]
Mama.
Want to see me fly, Daddy? See him fl Adam, I want you to go upstairs to your room and play.
Adam! Sweetheart, I think Daddy would like it if you used the stairs.
Okay.
[.]
Come on.
Zip on up there, and I'll be up in a while.
Go on.
There you go.
Something's going on here, anyway.
We have to wait and wait [WITCHES MURMURING.]
Ladies.
We simply can't.
It's ridiculous.
I know you have other places to go.
Let me get your brooms.
Don't worry, Durwood.
We're leaving as soon as we announce our decision.
What decision? Since it's quite obvious that Adam is a warlock of incredible genius, it is our opinion that he requires special handling.
Therefore, we have decided to remove him from this dubious environment.
Oh, brother! That's ridiculous.
There is no need to get hysterical, Durwood.
We're not talking about removing Adam permanently.
No, only for 20 or 30 years.
Sam, you better do something, or I'll do something I'll live to regret.
If I live.
I protest.
On what grounds? [.]
You tested Adam to make sure that a mixed marriage would not affect his powers.
Well, the results should satisfy everyone.
Yes, but that was before we discovered what a prodigy he is.
Adam leaves this house over my dead body.
The notion is tempting but hardly necessary.
This is Adam's home, and this is where he stays.
Young man, will you kindly stop barking at us? I will not stop.
I am Adam's father, and he's going to be educated as [BARKING.]
Oh, dear.
[BARKING.]
Well, they did warn you.
It is time for us to take our leave now.
Kindly get the boy.
May I be permitted to say something? No.
Not now.
Just two words? Very well.
Daddy, help! What's the trouble, my dear? Daddy, they want to take Adam.
Take him? Take him where? As you know, the child's a prodigy, and the committee has decided that he needs special care.
Special training.
Ridiculous.
[BARKING.]
Who asked for your opinion? Maurice, you saw the child fly.
You must admit, flying at Adam's age is incredible.
[.]
Ladies, what you don't understand is that Adam was only able to accomplish that miracle because of my presence.
The truth is, he has no power of witchcraft whatsoever.
None whatsoever? Then how do you explain I gave him a little help.
[BOTH GASP.]
If the child is completely mortal, that leaves us with no alternative.
None whatsoever.
The marriage must be dissolved.
[.]
See? Every cloud has a silver lining.
[BARKING.]
Enchantra If Darrin promises to restrain himself, will you please restore his voice? As you wish.
Sam, tell me this is all a nightmare.
Daddy, don't let them.
I don't want my marriage dissolved.
Just calm down, my dear.
Ladies, as I once said to Will Shakespeare, and later gave him permission to quote me, "The quality of mercy is not strained Hold it.
What has that to do with what we're discussing? Nothing, but now I have your attention.
Let me tell you what I think the problem is.
This child is being brought up in an atmosphere that has inhibited the growth of his witchcraft.
You see, Samantha's husband, that mortal lamebrain, absolutely forbids the use of witchcraft in this house.
No! Yes.
No! Yes.
No! Why do you keep saying no when I tell you yes? Now, Samantha, my dear, you are the child's mother.
It is up to you to provide a fertile ground for his natural growth.
Try that, and Adam may surprise you.
I hope so.
Now, Sam, just a minute.
I have something to say Silence! Adam! Come over here, Adam.
That's right.
Give me the shell.
Shell into bell, Bell into shell, At knell of bell, Be gone, oh spell.
[BELL RINGING.]
Now, the little rascal's on his own.
Sweetheart, maybe if I explain something to you in mortal terms, then you might understand.
Now, if Adam had an innate talent for, uh, music, say, and we forbade him to use it, well, that would not only be unfair, but it could be harmful.
Witchcraft is a talent too.
Well, now, isn't that logical? If you're married to a witch, I guess it's logical.
Adam, watch the shell.
Turn around.
Now, watch this.
Here it comes.
Look at that.
Oh, now, I'm gonna send it back, okay? Now, you watch.
Back onto the table.
There.
Oh, boy.
One more time, watch! Here it comes.
Oh, wow.
Now you try it.
[.]
It's okay.
SAMANTHA: There it goes.
It goes, oh, it's Oh! He did it.
He did it.
That's wonderful.
Just wonderful.
Mine you are, grandson! Bravo, Adam.
Bravo! Isn't that terrific? Yeah.
But the way you're all carrying on, you'd think he'd just taken his first step.
But, sweetheart, that's exactly what he did.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[.]
Bye, Samantha.
Goodbye, Maurice.
Au revoir, au revoir.
Bye-bye.
Au revoir.
Very well, Rasputin.
Home! [.]
Well, thank goodness that's over.
Two down and two to go.
I'm thirsty.
Bravo.
Very good, Adam.
Sam Uh, well, I I'll have a talk with him later.
Sweetheart, now, why don't you take your milk out to the kitchen, please? Okay? With both hands, now.
There you go.
Well, I must be off.
I'm due at the ballet at Petrograd.
They're doing Penguin Lake.
Don't you mean Swan Lake? No, it's an ice ballet.
They couldn't get the skates on the swans.
Endora, shall I drop you somewhere? Over the Matterhorn, perhaps? I get the point.
Thanks for your help, Daddy.
If it hadn't been for you, I would've had a disaster on my hands.
You still have a disaster on your hands.
Young man, take good care of my little girl or I'll take good care of you.
I've managed pretty well up to now.
I'll be the judge of that.
Farewell! Farewell! A long farewell.
If it's going to be that long, I'm not waiting.
Scene stealer.
What a character! He is rather unique, isn't he? Yeah, but his daughter is even more unique.
[GIGGLES.]
And prettier.
Oh! [.]
I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Uh, I guess I'll have to have that little talk with him right now.
Adam, did you pop Mommy into the kitchen? Yes.
[.]
Afterwards, you and I can continue our little talk.
Good idea.
[.]