CSI: Crime Scene Investigation s08e16 Episode Script
Two and a Half Deaths
Are you afraid of vaginas,Spencer? No,I'm actually fine with them.
Are you? Yeah.
Are you really? Yeah.
Because these jokes stink like someone who's afraid of vaginas.
Okay,well,if you could just point specificall to the jokes you object to, I'll try to freshen them up.
They all suck.
But Annabelle Don't argue with me.
Just make me funny.
And make me loveable.
Annabelle! Annabelle! Can I have your autograph? Annabelle, I love you.
Can I have your autograph? So,how'd it go? Oh,great.
She hates everything and I'm afraid of vaginas.
I'm only afraid of the ones with teeth.
Could one of you guys do me a favor? If you could take my pencil and drive it through my eye into my brain? No,then one of us would have to take your job.
Sorry I'm late.
I was fixing the script.
We understand.
Thank you.
Picture's up.
I need Bud.
Where the hell is Bud? Take one.
Hold the roll.
There you are.
I need you,Bud.
I need you,too.
I thought you were mad at me.
Oh,you know how I am.
The rewrites are just horrible.
Why doesn't anyone support me? I support you,doll.
Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it.
Thank you,baby.
Annabelle wants it funnier.
Good note.
If I need water, I'll ask for water.
You're a stand-in.
Do not get in my eyeline when I'm preparing for a scene.
So sorry.
How ever could I forget? Inbred cracker.
Let's get this going.
I have a 7:00 brain aneurysm.
Action.
Hit me.
Oh,damn.
What do you want to do after we've blown through your ex-husband's cash? I say we take his credit cards and go lap dancing.
Giving or getting? Doesn't matter,as long as I get to have a party in my pants.
And cut.
Cut it.
Oh,geez,here we go.
Think happy thoughts.
Think happy thoughts.
Why did you give Megan the joke? Yeah,why did she get the joke? They both have jokes.
She has the big joke - the pants joke.
Yeah,the pants joke is the killer.
The pants joke suits Megan's character.
To hell with Megan's character.
Is this show called Annabelle, or is it Stupid Lucky Cow? It's not called Stupid Lucky Cow,hon.
It's called Annabelle, right,honey? Yeah.
See,he gets it.
That's why he is co-executive producer.
Seems like just yesterday he was your driver.
That was six months ago.
What's the matter with him? I don't know.
Megan,honey,we got to swap the lines around.
Why? Fine.
Picture's up.
Okay.
Hit me.
Damn.
What do you want to do once we blow through my ex-husband' cash? I say we get his credit cards and go lap dancing.
Giving or getting? Doesn't matter to me.
As long as there's a party in my pants.
Oh.
Genius.
Sorry for the delay.
It's a paparazzi jungle downstairs.
Yeah,well,Doc Robbins isn't the only one with a scrapbook.
You were saying? My room is down the hall, and I was walking past.
Saw the door ajar.
Went inside and found her lying like that.
So I called 911.
Do you know who was up here with her? No idea.
Almost all of the cast and crew went back to L.
A.
after we wrapped, but Annabelle won't travel at night.
So she made me stay behind.
"Made me"? I thought you were the boss.
That's not how TV works.
No.
No,well,sure, I created the show.
When the show became a hit, she became a star.
I became a highly-paid butt monkey.
Well,it's a skill like anything else.
She wanted me to ride back in the limo with her and give me notes on the next script, and you know, emasculate me for a couple of hours.
Looks like she struck her head on the edge of this table.
Possible struggle.
When was the last time you saw her? When we wrapped.
I got really drunk.
And then I threw up.
Got drunk again.
Went up to my room, crawled into bed and prayed for death.
Mine,not hers.
Jaw flexibility is minimal.
Just going into rigor.
Puts TOD around midnight.
Uh Grissom.
It's a rubber chicken.
Huh.
What are you doing? Oh,I thought it would make a nice Christmas card.
Give me that.
Oh,sorry,my bad.
Aw,come on.
You got to say something.
Uh I suspect fowl play? Or,uh,that's poultry evidence? You know, something.
Dying is easy.
Comedy's hard.
±¾×ÖÄ»½ö¹©Ñ§Ï°½»Á÷£¬ÑϽûÓÃÓÚÉÌÒµÓÃ; CSI µÚ8¼¾µÚ16¼¯ ·Ò룺¸öÈËID У Ô£º¸öÈËID ʱ¼äÖ᣺southwing Some unbelievable news from Las Vegas today.
TV's favorite unwed mother Annabelle Fundt star of the hit sitcom Annabelle, was found dead in her hotel room this morning.
At this time,we have no details and authorities are refusing to comment, but,of course,we'll have more details as this story develops.
There you go,Murph.
I'll get it to work.
Water, sparkling water, juice No booze.
Ditto on the minibar.
Annabelle wasn't allowed to consume alcohol when she works.
Was there a problem? You are all against me! I can't take it anymore! You are trying to sabotage me! Hey,kid,want to feel my new boobs? It was an insurance issue.
I got it from here,Spencer.
Grissom,this guy just flew in from L.
A.
on the studio jet.
Name's Stewart Little.
It's pronounced,"Lie-tell.
" Gil.
We got a closet eater.
Was Annabelle bulimic? Oh,you bet she was.
Spencer,there's no need to get into It's all right.
She can't hurt us anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah,she did the two-finger dessert, but at least the vomit seemed to take off what the camera put on.
It's a terrible, terrible scourge.
Gil.
Found a bottle of urine in the closet as well.
Did she also have a drug problem? Uh,define "problem.
" The kind that requires using other people's urine to pass a drug test.
Then,yes.
Annabelle! Please,I just want to kiss her good-bye.
We can't let you do that, sir.
But she's my wife! Your what? Ah,geez.
Mitch.
Yeah,Annabelle and I were married two days ago.
Oh,I don't believe that.
Oh,no,it's true.
We had a deal.
She said if I gave up coke, then we could get married.
But you never gave up coke.
She didn't know that.
Gentlemen! The studio- and both of you- have a substantial investment in Annabelle's image, so perhaps this discussion could take place elsewhere.
Hey,Jim,you're up.
BUD There it is.
Signed,witnessed and notarized.
You know,it's a tragic coincidence that she died two days after you qualified for half of what she's worth.
Really? I thought that was the bright side.
Are you kidding me? He's a parasite.
He's a barnacle.
He is the pimple on the ass of a mediocrity.
She picked him up three years ago in a comedy club at Sioux City, hired him to be her driver, then a writer, then a producer, but all he really did was push his weight around, get loaded and bang extras behind Annabelle's back.
I didn't kill her.
I love her! You know,when she called me to come to her room last night, she was alive.
But you were newlyweds.
Why'd you sleep in different rooms? Well,she had kind of a rule about that.
She didn't like to look at me after we had sex.
What do you know about the chicken? She didn't like to look at me during sex,either.
Are you a bad boy? I'm a bad boy! Who's your mama? You're my mama! Say it.
Mama! All right, now make that sound.
This is a classic comedy prop.
Goes way back probably at least to vaudeville.
But you probably want to know how this ended up in Annabelle's throat.
I got no idea.
Last time I saw it, it was on a stage in L.
A.
Are you kidding me? You put a rubber chicken in my show? Do I look like a prop comic? I am not a prop comic! Ow! That was humiliating.
Yeah,you must have felt like like an ass.
Of course we're gonna finish the episode.
Just a couple of second unit shots to pick up on the lot.
That's it.
Uh-huh.
Annabelle Fundt's final performance.
It's ratings gold.
throw that dancing crap at us.
This way,Mr.
Lietel.
Sir,please.
Stay with me,okay? Beautiful people doing high-tech police work.
There might be a series in this.
Oh.
Hey,Mr.
Little.
have a seat.
"Lie-tell.
" Oh.
Sorry.
Okay,here we go.
The elevator security cameras confirm Annabelle's presence at 11:01 p.
m.
,and according to the hotel's key card access log, she entered her room immediately after exiting the elevator.
Now,all you need to do is let us know if you recognize anybody getting off on her floor.
Okay? Okay.
That'd be Bud.
At 11:06.
Suite was entered at 11:07 p.
m.
He stayed in there for roughly 20 minutes.
That's consistent with his statement.
But that's still plenty of time to kill her.
You know,that might be one of our writers.
What? You don't know for sure? They're writers.
She hires 'em and she fires 'em.
Who can keep track,right? And there's Annabelle going out.
Wait a minute.
We never saw her going down.
No,no,no,that's Natasha Something-or-other.
That's Annabelle's assistant/stand-in,whatever.
Quite a resemblance.
Annabelle made her get plastic surgery so they'd look more alike.
Paid for it out of her own pocket.
That's very generous.
Sure.
Let's call it generosity.
Well,Natasha came back down at 11:57 p.
m.
, carrying a garment bag.
and that's it until the next morning when Spencer found the body.
What the heck is she doing? Going on a midnight laundry run? You're not asking me that question.
I mean that's your job,right? Because I Cap'n,do we have to do this right now? I'm on my way to the airport.
We have surveillance that places you in Ms.
Fundt's room around the time of her death, leaving with a garment bag.
Of course you did.
That's one of my jobs.
I knocked real quiet-like, and when she didn't answer, I let myself in,got the bag, and tiptoed out of there.
What was in the bag? Wardrobe,silly.
I had to put it on the truck to go back to L.
A.
Did you see Annabelle? Cap' Miss Annabelle had a firm rule.
If she's asleep, don't wake her.
If she's awake, don't talk to her till she talks to you first.
I don't know who in their right mind want to talk to that bitch anyway.
Whoo.
That's kinda harsh coming from her assistant.
And stand-in, and photo double and all-around whippin' girl.
You have any idea what that woman put me through? Tell the doctor to make yours feel like these! See? Nice,right? Okay.
Right and left breast implants.
Check check.
There are abrasions in the upper esophagus, but no vital response in the tissue.
Then the rubber chicken was inserted postmortem.
And,thus,not the cause of death.
It might have been a gag.
Sorry.
Right and left buttock implants.
High and firm.
High and firm.
That's right.
Go ahead.
Cheek Cheek.
COD subdural hematoma is the result of a sharp blow to the back of the skull.
If she hadn't gone quickly, she'd would have gone slowly.
There's cirrhosis of the liver, and near perforating stomach ulcers.
What's the matter,David? She's got no lady parts.
She had a hysterectomy.
Okay.
Um Then why was she using one of these? ??? Just one day after the tragic and untimely death of TV superstar Annabelle Fundt, Extra caught up with some cast members, including Emmy Award-winning costar Megan Kupowski.
This is a profound tragedy.
Annabelle had a huge impact on all of us, and she will be deeply missed.
Godspeed,Annabelle.
Oh.
You miss her,too, don't you,Binky? Wave good-bye to Annabelle.
Bye-bye.
That time of the month,huh? I know.
Pickg out the right feminine product can be so hard.
You gonna mock me or help me? I have to choose? I can't get this to work.
Well,that's probably 'cause you don't have the right equipment.
You don't,do you? Ha-ha.
Ha.
You're lucky you're cute.
Annabelle Fundt was dosing her tampons with vodka.
Does that even work? Kinda.
Even at their most absorbent, tampons only hold about 19 grams of fluid, or about 20 milliliters.
Well,that's enough for Aunt Flo, but that is not gonna get an alcoholic drunk.
Who's Aunt Flo? Oh.
All right.
Well,maybe she was just doing it to take the edge off, but what I can't figure out is how she managed it because every time I throw one in here, it turns into SpongeBob SquarePants.
You don't take it out of the applicator first.
Gimme.
Thanks.
All right.
Watch and learn.
There.
That's why they call it an applicator.
I always wondered how that worked.
All men do.
So,if Annabelle was using vodka-soaked tampons to get drunk, where was she getting the booze? There was none in her suite.
According to Henry, it was full of pure vodka.
Oh.
Possibly a way of imbibing without aggravating her ulcers.
God,I hope she wasn't gargling with vinegar and baking soda.
Wouldn't do much for plaque.
No.
Hey.
What does this look like to you? Hermaphrode on roller skates.
A puppy.
No.
Not this.
This.
See that? Shoe impression.
Triangular ball,narrow heel.
Looks like a woman's shoe.
Yeah,somebody stepped in the blood.
I doubt it was the vic.
We got a suspect.
Grissom.
Are they willing to hold the scene? I'll meet you at the airport.
Pull the cover off.
Sure thing,Detective.
So much for movie magic.
The show was trying to finish up the episode using Annabelle's photo double.
Simple drive-by.
Second unit stuff.
Car went out of control.
She wrecked.
Paramedics were on the scene in minutes.
She was dead when they pulled her out.
She was our prime suspect in the Annabelle Fundt case.
We wanted to talk to her when we got the call from you.
You got a Ouija board? I got something better.
Help! Oh,my gosh,is she okay? So who had access to the car? Well,actually,it was Annabelle's personal car.
She leased it,then made the studio pay her a rental fee to use it on the show.
A Ferrari? I thought she played a struggling single mom.
Oh,they had her win it in a radio contest.
For me,that's when the show jumped the shark.
In any event, it was on a locked truck since before the company left for Vegas.
They were supposed to shoot that scene in Vegas.
So Annabelle was supposed to be driving this car.
Yep.
We'll take it to Impound.
The body will go to Mission Road, and I'll let you know what we find.
Thanks.
Hey,Jim.
Yeah? What does that mean, "jumping the shark"? Well,remember the Fonz? The Fonz? Binky! No! Binky,wake up! Wake up! Oh,God! Why,God,why? Binky! Binky! What is happening? I'm sorry.
What's a Binky? Oh,okay.
How sad.
L.
A.
crime lab found an after-market chip inside the Ferrari's engine control system,but no prints.
Well,anyone with a laptop who knows how to flash an EPROM can get a car to do anything they want.
Street racers do it all the time.
Chips are easy to obtain, virtually untraceable.
Detective Flores is keeping us in the loop.
We're gonna do breakfast.
Okay.
Don't go all Hollywood on us,all right? I'll see you soon.
Hmm,check this out.
This is Bud's wedding from a couple days ago.
They went for the "Breath of Nature" package.
And you know this because? She's wearing a veil.
There's ivy on the trellis.
That cost extra,you know? God,it's nice to know that Annabelle was a romantic.
Mm,I'm not so sure about that.
Oh,and just so you know, I'm considering this a working lunch, so I did not clock out.
Take a gander at this.
Next guy up to be married catches this on his cell phone, then he sells it 'cause he realizes what he has.
But he caught more than he thought he did.
Annabelle didn't have a mole on her chin.
Always a stand-in, never a bride.
Bud didn't marry Annabelle.
He married Natasha pretending to be Annabelle.
Well,one thing's for sure.
Neither one of them's pretending to be dead.
I guess that makes Bud a liar.
Then he's moving up.
A few short years ago, Bud Parker was just another Iowa barback slinging drinks in Sioux City.
Annabelle Fundt was his ticket out.
It was love at first sight, Hollywood-style.
Bud climbed from the bottom rung to the top of the heap in record time.
Annabelle and me were made for each other.
You know,she's got my back, and I've got hers.
More,but less and funnier! We share a love of animals,ThighMasters, long walks on the beach, poor people,stuff.
We're very spiritual, right,Bud? Oh,yeah.
Dalai Lama.
Nice office.
Yeah,thanks.
Whoa! Hey, easy on the Emmy there,buddy.
Is that what this is? Yeah.
Whoa,don't you need a search warrant for that? Are these yours? What was I supposed to do? She was a mean drunk,but she was worse when she was sober.
So you kept her liquored up while you schtupped Natasha? What? L.
A.
Coroner's Office found semen in Natasha's vaginal canal.
What's the L.
A.
Coroner's Office doing in Natasha's vaginal canal? Is there something you want to tell us,Bud? All right.
That's probably my, you know,in her We know.
So you faked your wedding; you used Natasha as a photo double; Annabelle dies; you inherit everything she had; split it with Natasha.
Nice plan.
No.
No,no,no,no.
Well,yeah,that was the plan, but we didn't kill her.
When Natasha went up to her room,she was already dead.
Damn! I was looking forward to this.
Oops.
I think Natasha found her dead because you killed Annabelle.
Then you killed the only person who knew about the plan: Natasha.
Why would I kill Natasha? Doing her was like doing Annabelle, except she didn't yell at me when I couldn't get it up.
Why'd you reprogram the computer chip in her car? There are computer chips in cars? Look,I don't know who you killed or who you didn't kill, but I do know we can hold you for conspiracy to commit.
You can? You just admitted it.
I did? Mike.
I thought these guys were extras.
Wow.
That went really badly.
So you like him for it? There's nothing about this guy I like.
But if he's smart enough to pull off a double homicide, he deserves one of these 'cause he's a better actor than anyone on the show.
Care to guess what was on that rubber chicken? Other than Bud's ass? I found one unknown male contributor, but this guy's DNA matched the urine from the water bottle in the closet.
Okay.
Honey,why don't you take ten and go get minty fresh? I think I will.
Thanks.
Okay,Greg,what do you got? Well,I was working my way back from the time of the murder to earlier in the day.
Check this out.
It's the writing staff? Around 7:00,four guys go up.
After about a half hour, three come down, followed a couple minutes later by Annabelle.
What happened to the fourth rider? I think he's the one who came down alone close to midnight.
He's drinking Titan Springs water.
That's the brand bottle I found at the murder site filled with urine.
So this guy might have been waiting for Annabelle when she came back.
Looks like a comedy writer came out of the closet.
I doubt if it's the first time.
I hear Boston Legal's looking for writers.
How is that a comedy? It's not.
That's why you'd be perfect for it.
Hmm! Funny.
Anybody have a contact at Two And A Half Men? Ugh! I'd rather sleep with Annabelle than write that crap.
Annabelle's dead.
I'm saying.
Can we help you? I'm gonna need to collect a DNA sample from all of you.
Doesn't sound good.
It's really not so bad.
Now,we know that the three of you went up to Annabelle's suite around 7:00 P.
M.
the night she died.
It's kind of a ritual on the show.
over and take it.
But there were four of you in the elevator.
Yeah,me,Don,Eddie, and the new guy.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
Who are you? Jimmy,new writer.
Hey,Jimmy.
Welcome to hell.
Annabelle and Bud would hire anybody: friends,bartenders, drug dealers.
They'd last a couple weeks, suck down a few paychecks, then disappear.
So how do we find the new guy Jimmy? Come to think of it,uh,I haven't seen him since Vegas.
We figure he snuck out of the hotel room while Annabelle was reaming us out.
You think he's the one who killed her? It's kinda looking that way, isn't it? Does that,like,make us accessories to murder? Not likely.
Aw,damn.
Is it against the law to tell people we are? Because we would really like to do that.
Yes.
Excuse me.
If you see that man,call the number,please? If you see this guy, would you call PD for me? Thank you.
Sir,if you see this man, call this number,please.
Sir,see that man, call that number,please.
If you see this man, call this number.
Call that number if you see that man,miss.
Thank you.
Call that number if you see that man.
Rick.
Richard Langford? You're under arrest.
A mime is a terrible thing to waste.
One of the main suspects in the investigation appears to be Richard Langford, an actor who,strangely enough, played a memorable bit part on the hit TV show.
All right, good as new.
Are you sure? Maybe you should check it again.
No,really,it's completely totally fixed.
Check it.
Check it.
Okay.
But Richard Langford's appearance on The Annabelle Show would be his last.
For more than three years, the fledgling actor was off the showbiz radar until now.
Oh,listen,man.
I can explain.
Can we talk about this?! I did not No! Stop! Oh,God! No! I am an artist,man! I'm an artist! I was on television! They were gonna make me a regular.
You know the funny plumber? Hmm.
So what happened? She wanted to have sex with me.
Who did? Annabelle.
Then when I told her that I was married and couldn't, she had me fired.
And then I couldn't find any more work and my wife left me and I'm living in my car which is what I wound up trading to the dude that owned the robot guy franchise on that corner.
It's a franchise? Yeah,yeah,yeah, we're all over the country.
What were you doing in Annabelle's closet,Richard? Well,I-I saw the show was in town, and I thought that if maybe I could talk to her that she'd give me another chance,you know? I mean,what the hell? I'm not married anymore.
I'd do her if I absolutely had to.
I know you snuck up the elevator with the writers.
What then? They barely noticed I was there.
What did I tell you about this goddamn chicken,huh? I do not want a prop chicken in my show.
Did you see the name on the script? Ann-a-belle! Annabelle, not dumb ch I was gonna talk to her after the other writers left, and then she left,too, so I just hid in the closet.
Eating candy bars and peeing in a bottle.
I know that,too.
What happened when she got back? She called Bud.
Are you a bad boy? I'm a bad boy! Who's your mama? There's some stuff, once you see it Mama! you can't ever unsee it.
I- I-I guess he couldn't get the job done.
Sorry,baby.
I tried.
Get out.
Get out,you useless waste of skin! Get out! Good night.
Finally,she was alone.
Annabelle Do I know you? Ah plumber guy! The next thing I know, she grabs my Oh! It was an accident,man.
I swear to God.
What about the chicken? What chicken? The rubber chicken with your DNA on it,man.
That chicken.
Yeah,that-that was less of an accident than the accident was an accident.
I - I thought maybe I could blame it on on Bud or one of the other writers.
If her death was really an accident,Richard, why didn't you just call the police? Oh,come on,man.
I snuck into her suite.
I - I hid in her closet, and then she dies? How's that gonna look on my resume? Like premeditated murder.
You know anybody who wants to buy a robot guy franchise? So that's it? Robot-man-closet-stalker guy gets his package grabbed and the TV star dies? It is the classic story.
You wanted to see us,Doc? Yeah.
I was disposing of Annabelle's medical waste, and I noticed something strange.
With hematomas,there's almost always some fibrous tissue, but the blood in her brain never clotted.
She was an alcoholic.
True,but the show required a physical every six months for insurance purposes, so I went through her medical records.
Clotting function was normal even at the height of her alcoholism.
So no hemophilia,either.
Nope.
What we have here is failure to coagulate.
Her blood tested positive for hemadin with an INR of 4.
0.
That's slightly higher than clinical levels.
Are you sure that there's no other reason why she might have been taking blood thinners? Uh,she had ulcers.
Blood thinner would never be prescribed.
Hemadin's not really a recreational drug.
How'd it get into her system? I retested all the food and drink in her suite, and there was hemadin in her vodka-filled mouthwash bottle.
So somebody was poisoning her.
Yeah,somebody who knew she was doing more than swishing her mouthwash.
If Annabelle hadn't have had these high levels of hemadin in her blood, could she still be alive? Well,her head injury was serious.
But I'd have to say the blood thinner in her system could well have been the difference between her living and dying.
So the clot doesn't thicken, but the plot does.
Get this.
L.
A.
Coroner's Office called.
There was hemadin in Natasha's system as well.
Probably from drinking Bud's tainted vodka.
So Annabelle and Natasha were ingesting the same poison.
Other than Bud, who knew Annabelle was drinking her mouthwash? I know who.
Working late? No.
Just saying good-bye to a wonderful part of my past.
We'd like to talk to you.
Oh,of course.
About what? Hemadin, among other things.
Oh,a miracle drug.
It's what kept Binky alive.
Well until yesterday.
It also killed Annabelle and Natasha.
Really? How odd.
We checked with your vet.
He said you ordered extra refills of hemadin because your dog spitting it out? Yes.
Fussy,silly, sad little Binky.
Oh,I miss h so.
Not Annabelle? Not so much.
Take a look at this,will you? WOMAN Rolling.
Rolling,rolling.
Honey,why don't you take ten and go get minty fresh.
I think I will.
Thanks.
And action.
Minty fresh.
You knew about the alcohol in Annabelle's mouthwash, and she knew you knew about it.
But what she didn't know is that you were spiking it with your dog's blood thinners.
Bravo,gentlemen.
You should register that, because around here, the walls have ears.
That's going to end up in somebody's script, and guess who won't get credit.
You.
Yeah,we're not done.
So when Annabelle wouldn't kick off soon enough to suit you, you tampered with the computer chip in her car, knowing that even a minor accident would cause her to bleed out and die.
But the scene kept getting pushed, and in the end, it was Natasha,not Annabelle who was at the wheel.
This is utterly fantastic.
And this malevolent second banana knows how to do this because she's a child genius- National Honor Society, Mensa,Yale summa cum laude, all that crap.
I didn't say that.
No,I'm coloring the character in for you.
Okay,yeah,so she's a brainiac and blah,blah,blah, but that still doesn't explain how she got the specific expertise to program the car's engine control chip.
Oh! I've got it.
She has a degenerate Uncle Giuseppe who works as an automotive software engineer in Rome.
She does? You do? And he showed her how to do it in exchange for certain unsavory favors.
Oh,wait a minute.
That sounds like a,uh what do you call it? Writs' contrivance.
Yeah,yeah, it's a bit of a reach, but you get one per episode.
So they send Interpol to arrest the guy.
How did they know how to find him? Could you please not get bogged down in details? Anyway, so they're escorting the guy in handcuffs onto the plane at da Vinci International Airport, and,and kaboom! He's killed in a terrorist attack by Basque separatists.
Shouldn't Basque separatists be in Spain? Oh,it's great.
It's got everything you'd want: narrative propulsion, memorable characters, a felicitous intertwining of the random and the deliberate.
Just one question.
What's that? What's her motivation? Maybe she was tired of all the constant abuse and humiliation.
Yeah,she's not getting any younger.
She knows how Hollywood deals with aging actresses.
Yeah,she knows time is not on her side.
She figures she'll bump off the bitch and move herself up to number one.
You're very good, but you've still got a problem.
What's that? No hard evidence.
No fingerprints,no hairs you can stick in a machine that spits out the kind of truth juries lap up like a saucer of warm milk.
How do you know we're not saving the best for the last act? Are you? Because if you've got it, bring it on.
Just as I thought.
Bubkes.
So you figure, "What the hell? Give it a shot.
" You cook up this weak gruel of spindly circumstances and wild conjecture just to see if you can rattle Banana 2.
0's cage, just to see what she gives up, but she's way too cool and in the end reveals nothing.
She simply smiles and says, "Gentlemen,if you'll excuse me, I have a 13-episode commitment from CBS to attend to.
" It's called Megan's Family.
And with that, she and her lover- slash-executive producer turn and make their grand exit.
Hey.
We'll be watching you.
Mondays - 9:30, 8:30 Central.
Forget it,Gil.
It's Burbank.
Uh,whoa,oh.
Oh.
Ooh,whoa.
Whoa,ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh,that looks bad.
» Ó¼ÓÈë
Are you? Yeah.
Are you really? Yeah.
Because these jokes stink like someone who's afraid of vaginas.
Okay,well,if you could just point specificall to the jokes you object to, I'll try to freshen them up.
They all suck.
But Annabelle Don't argue with me.
Just make me funny.
And make me loveable.
Annabelle! Annabelle! Can I have your autograph? Annabelle, I love you.
Can I have your autograph? So,how'd it go? Oh,great.
She hates everything and I'm afraid of vaginas.
I'm only afraid of the ones with teeth.
Could one of you guys do me a favor? If you could take my pencil and drive it through my eye into my brain? No,then one of us would have to take your job.
Sorry I'm late.
I was fixing the script.
We understand.
Thank you.
Picture's up.
I need Bud.
Where the hell is Bud? Take one.
Hold the roll.
There you are.
I need you,Bud.
I need you,too.
I thought you were mad at me.
Oh,you know how I am.
The rewrites are just horrible.
Why doesn't anyone support me? I support you,doll.
Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it.
Thank you,baby.
Annabelle wants it funnier.
Good note.
If I need water, I'll ask for water.
You're a stand-in.
Do not get in my eyeline when I'm preparing for a scene.
So sorry.
How ever could I forget? Inbred cracker.
Let's get this going.
I have a 7:00 brain aneurysm.
Action.
Hit me.
Oh,damn.
What do you want to do after we've blown through your ex-husband's cash? I say we take his credit cards and go lap dancing.
Giving or getting? Doesn't matter,as long as I get to have a party in my pants.
And cut.
Cut it.
Oh,geez,here we go.
Think happy thoughts.
Think happy thoughts.
Why did you give Megan the joke? Yeah,why did she get the joke? They both have jokes.
She has the big joke - the pants joke.
Yeah,the pants joke is the killer.
The pants joke suits Megan's character.
To hell with Megan's character.
Is this show called Annabelle, or is it Stupid Lucky Cow? It's not called Stupid Lucky Cow,hon.
It's called Annabelle, right,honey? Yeah.
See,he gets it.
That's why he is co-executive producer.
Seems like just yesterday he was your driver.
That was six months ago.
What's the matter with him? I don't know.
Megan,honey,we got to swap the lines around.
Why? Fine.
Picture's up.
Okay.
Hit me.
Damn.
What do you want to do once we blow through my ex-husband' cash? I say we get his credit cards and go lap dancing.
Giving or getting? Doesn't matter to me.
As long as there's a party in my pants.
Oh.
Genius.
Sorry for the delay.
It's a paparazzi jungle downstairs.
Yeah,well,Doc Robbins isn't the only one with a scrapbook.
You were saying? My room is down the hall, and I was walking past.
Saw the door ajar.
Went inside and found her lying like that.
So I called 911.
Do you know who was up here with her? No idea.
Almost all of the cast and crew went back to L.
A.
after we wrapped, but Annabelle won't travel at night.
So she made me stay behind.
"Made me"? I thought you were the boss.
That's not how TV works.
No.
No,well,sure, I created the show.
When the show became a hit, she became a star.
I became a highly-paid butt monkey.
Well,it's a skill like anything else.
She wanted me to ride back in the limo with her and give me notes on the next script, and you know, emasculate me for a couple of hours.
Looks like she struck her head on the edge of this table.
Possible struggle.
When was the last time you saw her? When we wrapped.
I got really drunk.
And then I threw up.
Got drunk again.
Went up to my room, crawled into bed and prayed for death.
Mine,not hers.
Jaw flexibility is minimal.
Just going into rigor.
Puts TOD around midnight.
Uh Grissom.
It's a rubber chicken.
Huh.
What are you doing? Oh,I thought it would make a nice Christmas card.
Give me that.
Oh,sorry,my bad.
Aw,come on.
You got to say something.
Uh I suspect fowl play? Or,uh,that's poultry evidence? You know, something.
Dying is easy.
Comedy's hard.
±¾×ÖÄ»½ö¹©Ñ§Ï°½»Á÷£¬ÑϽûÓÃÓÚÉÌÒµÓÃ; CSI µÚ8¼¾µÚ16¼¯ ·Ò룺¸öÈËID У Ô£º¸öÈËID ʱ¼äÖ᣺southwing Some unbelievable news from Las Vegas today.
TV's favorite unwed mother Annabelle Fundt star of the hit sitcom Annabelle, was found dead in her hotel room this morning.
At this time,we have no details and authorities are refusing to comment, but,of course,we'll have more details as this story develops.
There you go,Murph.
I'll get it to work.
Water, sparkling water, juice No booze.
Ditto on the minibar.
Annabelle wasn't allowed to consume alcohol when she works.
Was there a problem? You are all against me! I can't take it anymore! You are trying to sabotage me! Hey,kid,want to feel my new boobs? It was an insurance issue.
I got it from here,Spencer.
Grissom,this guy just flew in from L.
A.
on the studio jet.
Name's Stewart Little.
It's pronounced,"Lie-tell.
" Gil.
We got a closet eater.
Was Annabelle bulimic? Oh,you bet she was.
Spencer,there's no need to get into It's all right.
She can't hurt us anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah,she did the two-finger dessert, but at least the vomit seemed to take off what the camera put on.
It's a terrible, terrible scourge.
Gil.
Found a bottle of urine in the closet as well.
Did she also have a drug problem? Uh,define "problem.
" The kind that requires using other people's urine to pass a drug test.
Then,yes.
Annabelle! Please,I just want to kiss her good-bye.
We can't let you do that, sir.
But she's my wife! Your what? Ah,geez.
Mitch.
Yeah,Annabelle and I were married two days ago.
Oh,I don't believe that.
Oh,no,it's true.
We had a deal.
She said if I gave up coke, then we could get married.
But you never gave up coke.
She didn't know that.
Gentlemen! The studio- and both of you- have a substantial investment in Annabelle's image, so perhaps this discussion could take place elsewhere.
Hey,Jim,you're up.
BUD There it is.
Signed,witnessed and notarized.
You know,it's a tragic coincidence that she died two days after you qualified for half of what she's worth.
Really? I thought that was the bright side.
Are you kidding me? He's a parasite.
He's a barnacle.
He is the pimple on the ass of a mediocrity.
She picked him up three years ago in a comedy club at Sioux City, hired him to be her driver, then a writer, then a producer, but all he really did was push his weight around, get loaded and bang extras behind Annabelle's back.
I didn't kill her.
I love her! You know,when she called me to come to her room last night, she was alive.
But you were newlyweds.
Why'd you sleep in different rooms? Well,she had kind of a rule about that.
She didn't like to look at me after we had sex.
What do you know about the chicken? She didn't like to look at me during sex,either.
Are you a bad boy? I'm a bad boy! Who's your mama? You're my mama! Say it.
Mama! All right, now make that sound.
This is a classic comedy prop.
Goes way back probably at least to vaudeville.
But you probably want to know how this ended up in Annabelle's throat.
I got no idea.
Last time I saw it, it was on a stage in L.
A.
Are you kidding me? You put a rubber chicken in my show? Do I look like a prop comic? I am not a prop comic! Ow! That was humiliating.
Yeah,you must have felt like like an ass.
Of course we're gonna finish the episode.
Just a couple of second unit shots to pick up on the lot.
That's it.
Uh-huh.
Annabelle Fundt's final performance.
It's ratings gold.
throw that dancing crap at us.
This way,Mr.
Lietel.
Sir,please.
Stay with me,okay? Beautiful people doing high-tech police work.
There might be a series in this.
Oh.
Hey,Mr.
Little.
have a seat.
"Lie-tell.
" Oh.
Sorry.
Okay,here we go.
The elevator security cameras confirm Annabelle's presence at 11:01 p.
m.
,and according to the hotel's key card access log, she entered her room immediately after exiting the elevator.
Now,all you need to do is let us know if you recognize anybody getting off on her floor.
Okay? Okay.
That'd be Bud.
At 11:06.
Suite was entered at 11:07 p.
m.
He stayed in there for roughly 20 minutes.
That's consistent with his statement.
But that's still plenty of time to kill her.
You know,that might be one of our writers.
What? You don't know for sure? They're writers.
She hires 'em and she fires 'em.
Who can keep track,right? And there's Annabelle going out.
Wait a minute.
We never saw her going down.
No,no,no,that's Natasha Something-or-other.
That's Annabelle's assistant/stand-in,whatever.
Quite a resemblance.
Annabelle made her get plastic surgery so they'd look more alike.
Paid for it out of her own pocket.
That's very generous.
Sure.
Let's call it generosity.
Well,Natasha came back down at 11:57 p.
m.
, carrying a garment bag.
and that's it until the next morning when Spencer found the body.
What the heck is she doing? Going on a midnight laundry run? You're not asking me that question.
I mean that's your job,right? Because I Cap'n,do we have to do this right now? I'm on my way to the airport.
We have surveillance that places you in Ms.
Fundt's room around the time of her death, leaving with a garment bag.
Of course you did.
That's one of my jobs.
I knocked real quiet-like, and when she didn't answer, I let myself in,got the bag, and tiptoed out of there.
What was in the bag? Wardrobe,silly.
I had to put it on the truck to go back to L.
A.
Did you see Annabelle? Cap' Miss Annabelle had a firm rule.
If she's asleep, don't wake her.
If she's awake, don't talk to her till she talks to you first.
I don't know who in their right mind want to talk to that bitch anyway.
Whoo.
That's kinda harsh coming from her assistant.
And stand-in, and photo double and all-around whippin' girl.
You have any idea what that woman put me through? Tell the doctor to make yours feel like these! See? Nice,right? Okay.
Right and left breast implants.
Check check.
There are abrasions in the upper esophagus, but no vital response in the tissue.
Then the rubber chicken was inserted postmortem.
And,thus,not the cause of death.
It might have been a gag.
Sorry.
Right and left buttock implants.
High and firm.
High and firm.
That's right.
Go ahead.
Cheek Cheek.
COD subdural hematoma is the result of a sharp blow to the back of the skull.
If she hadn't gone quickly, she'd would have gone slowly.
There's cirrhosis of the liver, and near perforating stomach ulcers.
What's the matter,David? She's got no lady parts.
She had a hysterectomy.
Okay.
Um Then why was she using one of these? ??? Just one day after the tragic and untimely death of TV superstar Annabelle Fundt, Extra caught up with some cast members, including Emmy Award-winning costar Megan Kupowski.
This is a profound tragedy.
Annabelle had a huge impact on all of us, and she will be deeply missed.
Godspeed,Annabelle.
Oh.
You miss her,too, don't you,Binky? Wave good-bye to Annabelle.
Bye-bye.
That time of the month,huh? I know.
Pickg out the right feminine product can be so hard.
You gonna mock me or help me? I have to choose? I can't get this to work.
Well,that's probably 'cause you don't have the right equipment.
You don't,do you? Ha-ha.
Ha.
You're lucky you're cute.
Annabelle Fundt was dosing her tampons with vodka.
Does that even work? Kinda.
Even at their most absorbent, tampons only hold about 19 grams of fluid, or about 20 milliliters.
Well,that's enough for Aunt Flo, but that is not gonna get an alcoholic drunk.
Who's Aunt Flo? Oh.
All right.
Well,maybe she was just doing it to take the edge off, but what I can't figure out is how she managed it because every time I throw one in here, it turns into SpongeBob SquarePants.
You don't take it out of the applicator first.
Gimme.
Thanks.
All right.
Watch and learn.
There.
That's why they call it an applicator.
I always wondered how that worked.
All men do.
So,if Annabelle was using vodka-soaked tampons to get drunk, where was she getting the booze? There was none in her suite.
According to Henry, it was full of pure vodka.
Oh.
Possibly a way of imbibing without aggravating her ulcers.
God,I hope she wasn't gargling with vinegar and baking soda.
Wouldn't do much for plaque.
No.
Hey.
What does this look like to you? Hermaphrode on roller skates.
A puppy.
No.
Not this.
This.
See that? Shoe impression.
Triangular ball,narrow heel.
Looks like a woman's shoe.
Yeah,somebody stepped in the blood.
I doubt it was the vic.
We got a suspect.
Grissom.
Are they willing to hold the scene? I'll meet you at the airport.
Pull the cover off.
Sure thing,Detective.
So much for movie magic.
The show was trying to finish up the episode using Annabelle's photo double.
Simple drive-by.
Second unit stuff.
Car went out of control.
She wrecked.
Paramedics were on the scene in minutes.
She was dead when they pulled her out.
She was our prime suspect in the Annabelle Fundt case.
We wanted to talk to her when we got the call from you.
You got a Ouija board? I got something better.
Help! Oh,my gosh,is she okay? So who had access to the car? Well,actually,it was Annabelle's personal car.
She leased it,then made the studio pay her a rental fee to use it on the show.
A Ferrari? I thought she played a struggling single mom.
Oh,they had her win it in a radio contest.
For me,that's when the show jumped the shark.
In any event, it was on a locked truck since before the company left for Vegas.
They were supposed to shoot that scene in Vegas.
So Annabelle was supposed to be driving this car.
Yep.
We'll take it to Impound.
The body will go to Mission Road, and I'll let you know what we find.
Thanks.
Hey,Jim.
Yeah? What does that mean, "jumping the shark"? Well,remember the Fonz? The Fonz? Binky! No! Binky,wake up! Wake up! Oh,God! Why,God,why? Binky! Binky! What is happening? I'm sorry.
What's a Binky? Oh,okay.
How sad.
L.
A.
crime lab found an after-market chip inside the Ferrari's engine control system,but no prints.
Well,anyone with a laptop who knows how to flash an EPROM can get a car to do anything they want.
Street racers do it all the time.
Chips are easy to obtain, virtually untraceable.
Detective Flores is keeping us in the loop.
We're gonna do breakfast.
Okay.
Don't go all Hollywood on us,all right? I'll see you soon.
Hmm,check this out.
This is Bud's wedding from a couple days ago.
They went for the "Breath of Nature" package.
And you know this because? She's wearing a veil.
There's ivy on the trellis.
That cost extra,you know? God,it's nice to know that Annabelle was a romantic.
Mm,I'm not so sure about that.
Oh,and just so you know, I'm considering this a working lunch, so I did not clock out.
Take a gander at this.
Next guy up to be married catches this on his cell phone, then he sells it 'cause he realizes what he has.
But he caught more than he thought he did.
Annabelle didn't have a mole on her chin.
Always a stand-in, never a bride.
Bud didn't marry Annabelle.
He married Natasha pretending to be Annabelle.
Well,one thing's for sure.
Neither one of them's pretending to be dead.
I guess that makes Bud a liar.
Then he's moving up.
A few short years ago, Bud Parker was just another Iowa barback slinging drinks in Sioux City.
Annabelle Fundt was his ticket out.
It was love at first sight, Hollywood-style.
Bud climbed from the bottom rung to the top of the heap in record time.
Annabelle and me were made for each other.
You know,she's got my back, and I've got hers.
More,but less and funnier! We share a love of animals,ThighMasters, long walks on the beach, poor people,stuff.
We're very spiritual, right,Bud? Oh,yeah.
Dalai Lama.
Nice office.
Yeah,thanks.
Whoa! Hey, easy on the Emmy there,buddy.
Is that what this is? Yeah.
Whoa,don't you need a search warrant for that? Are these yours? What was I supposed to do? She was a mean drunk,but she was worse when she was sober.
So you kept her liquored up while you schtupped Natasha? What? L.
A.
Coroner's Office found semen in Natasha's vaginal canal.
What's the L.
A.
Coroner's Office doing in Natasha's vaginal canal? Is there something you want to tell us,Bud? All right.
That's probably my, you know,in her We know.
So you faked your wedding; you used Natasha as a photo double; Annabelle dies; you inherit everything she had; split it with Natasha.
Nice plan.
No.
No,no,no,no.
Well,yeah,that was the plan, but we didn't kill her.
When Natasha went up to her room,she was already dead.
Damn! I was looking forward to this.
Oops.
I think Natasha found her dead because you killed Annabelle.
Then you killed the only person who knew about the plan: Natasha.
Why would I kill Natasha? Doing her was like doing Annabelle, except she didn't yell at me when I couldn't get it up.
Why'd you reprogram the computer chip in her car? There are computer chips in cars? Look,I don't know who you killed or who you didn't kill, but I do know we can hold you for conspiracy to commit.
You can? You just admitted it.
I did? Mike.
I thought these guys were extras.
Wow.
That went really badly.
So you like him for it? There's nothing about this guy I like.
But if he's smart enough to pull off a double homicide, he deserves one of these 'cause he's a better actor than anyone on the show.
Care to guess what was on that rubber chicken? Other than Bud's ass? I found one unknown male contributor, but this guy's DNA matched the urine from the water bottle in the closet.
Okay.
Honey,why don't you take ten and go get minty fresh? I think I will.
Thanks.
Okay,Greg,what do you got? Well,I was working my way back from the time of the murder to earlier in the day.
Check this out.
It's the writing staff? Around 7:00,four guys go up.
After about a half hour, three come down, followed a couple minutes later by Annabelle.
What happened to the fourth rider? I think he's the one who came down alone close to midnight.
He's drinking Titan Springs water.
That's the brand bottle I found at the murder site filled with urine.
So this guy might have been waiting for Annabelle when she came back.
Looks like a comedy writer came out of the closet.
I doubt if it's the first time.
I hear Boston Legal's looking for writers.
How is that a comedy? It's not.
That's why you'd be perfect for it.
Hmm! Funny.
Anybody have a contact at Two And A Half Men? Ugh! I'd rather sleep with Annabelle than write that crap.
Annabelle's dead.
I'm saying.
Can we help you? I'm gonna need to collect a DNA sample from all of you.
Doesn't sound good.
It's really not so bad.
Now,we know that the three of you went up to Annabelle's suite around 7:00 P.
M.
the night she died.
It's kind of a ritual on the show.
over and take it.
But there were four of you in the elevator.
Yeah,me,Don,Eddie, and the new guy.
Hey.
I'm sorry.
Who are you? Jimmy,new writer.
Hey,Jimmy.
Welcome to hell.
Annabelle and Bud would hire anybody: friends,bartenders, drug dealers.
They'd last a couple weeks, suck down a few paychecks, then disappear.
So how do we find the new guy Jimmy? Come to think of it,uh,I haven't seen him since Vegas.
We figure he snuck out of the hotel room while Annabelle was reaming us out.
You think he's the one who killed her? It's kinda looking that way, isn't it? Does that,like,make us accessories to murder? Not likely.
Aw,damn.
Is it against the law to tell people we are? Because we would really like to do that.
Yes.
Excuse me.
If you see that man,call the number,please? If you see this guy, would you call PD for me? Thank you.
Sir,if you see this man, call this number,please.
Sir,see that man, call that number,please.
If you see this man, call this number.
Call that number if you see that man,miss.
Thank you.
Call that number if you see that man.
Rick.
Richard Langford? You're under arrest.
A mime is a terrible thing to waste.
One of the main suspects in the investigation appears to be Richard Langford, an actor who,strangely enough, played a memorable bit part on the hit TV show.
All right, good as new.
Are you sure? Maybe you should check it again.
No,really,it's completely totally fixed.
Check it.
Check it.
Okay.
But Richard Langford's appearance on The Annabelle Show would be his last.
For more than three years, the fledgling actor was off the showbiz radar until now.
Oh,listen,man.
I can explain.
Can we talk about this?! I did not No! Stop! Oh,God! No! I am an artist,man! I'm an artist! I was on television! They were gonna make me a regular.
You know the funny plumber? Hmm.
So what happened? She wanted to have sex with me.
Who did? Annabelle.
Then when I told her that I was married and couldn't, she had me fired.
And then I couldn't find any more work and my wife left me and I'm living in my car which is what I wound up trading to the dude that owned the robot guy franchise on that corner.
It's a franchise? Yeah,yeah,yeah, we're all over the country.
What were you doing in Annabelle's closet,Richard? Well,I-I saw the show was in town, and I thought that if maybe I could talk to her that she'd give me another chance,you know? I mean,what the hell? I'm not married anymore.
I'd do her if I absolutely had to.
I know you snuck up the elevator with the writers.
What then? They barely noticed I was there.
What did I tell you about this goddamn chicken,huh? I do not want a prop chicken in my show.
Did you see the name on the script? Ann-a-belle! Annabelle, not dumb ch I was gonna talk to her after the other writers left, and then she left,too, so I just hid in the closet.
Eating candy bars and peeing in a bottle.
I know that,too.
What happened when she got back? She called Bud.
Are you a bad boy? I'm a bad boy! Who's your mama? There's some stuff, once you see it Mama! you can't ever unsee it.
I- I-I guess he couldn't get the job done.
Sorry,baby.
I tried.
Get out.
Get out,you useless waste of skin! Get out! Good night.
Finally,she was alone.
Annabelle Do I know you? Ah plumber guy! The next thing I know, she grabs my Oh! It was an accident,man.
I swear to God.
What about the chicken? What chicken? The rubber chicken with your DNA on it,man.
That chicken.
Yeah,that-that was less of an accident than the accident was an accident.
I - I thought maybe I could blame it on on Bud or one of the other writers.
If her death was really an accident,Richard, why didn't you just call the police? Oh,come on,man.
I snuck into her suite.
I - I hid in her closet, and then she dies? How's that gonna look on my resume? Like premeditated murder.
You know anybody who wants to buy a robot guy franchise? So that's it? Robot-man-closet-stalker guy gets his package grabbed and the TV star dies? It is the classic story.
You wanted to see us,Doc? Yeah.
I was disposing of Annabelle's medical waste, and I noticed something strange.
With hematomas,there's almost always some fibrous tissue, but the blood in her brain never clotted.
She was an alcoholic.
True,but the show required a physical every six months for insurance purposes, so I went through her medical records.
Clotting function was normal even at the height of her alcoholism.
So no hemophilia,either.
Nope.
What we have here is failure to coagulate.
Her blood tested positive for hemadin with an INR of 4.
0.
That's slightly higher than clinical levels.
Are you sure that there's no other reason why she might have been taking blood thinners? Uh,she had ulcers.
Blood thinner would never be prescribed.
Hemadin's not really a recreational drug.
How'd it get into her system? I retested all the food and drink in her suite, and there was hemadin in her vodka-filled mouthwash bottle.
So somebody was poisoning her.
Yeah,somebody who knew she was doing more than swishing her mouthwash.
If Annabelle hadn't have had these high levels of hemadin in her blood, could she still be alive? Well,her head injury was serious.
But I'd have to say the blood thinner in her system could well have been the difference between her living and dying.
So the clot doesn't thicken, but the plot does.
Get this.
L.
A.
Coroner's Office called.
There was hemadin in Natasha's system as well.
Probably from drinking Bud's tainted vodka.
So Annabelle and Natasha were ingesting the same poison.
Other than Bud, who knew Annabelle was drinking her mouthwash? I know who.
Working late? No.
Just saying good-bye to a wonderful part of my past.
We'd like to talk to you.
Oh,of course.
About what? Hemadin, among other things.
Oh,a miracle drug.
It's what kept Binky alive.
Well until yesterday.
It also killed Annabelle and Natasha.
Really? How odd.
We checked with your vet.
He said you ordered extra refills of hemadin because your dog spitting it out? Yes.
Fussy,silly, sad little Binky.
Oh,I miss h so.
Not Annabelle? Not so much.
Take a look at this,will you? WOMAN Rolling.
Rolling,rolling.
Honey,why don't you take ten and go get minty fresh.
I think I will.
Thanks.
And action.
Minty fresh.
You knew about the alcohol in Annabelle's mouthwash, and she knew you knew about it.
But what she didn't know is that you were spiking it with your dog's blood thinners.
Bravo,gentlemen.
You should register that, because around here, the walls have ears.
That's going to end up in somebody's script, and guess who won't get credit.
You.
Yeah,we're not done.
So when Annabelle wouldn't kick off soon enough to suit you, you tampered with the computer chip in her car, knowing that even a minor accident would cause her to bleed out and die.
But the scene kept getting pushed, and in the end, it was Natasha,not Annabelle who was at the wheel.
This is utterly fantastic.
And this malevolent second banana knows how to do this because she's a child genius- National Honor Society, Mensa,Yale summa cum laude, all that crap.
I didn't say that.
No,I'm coloring the character in for you.
Okay,yeah,so she's a brainiac and blah,blah,blah, but that still doesn't explain how she got the specific expertise to program the car's engine control chip.
Oh! I've got it.
She has a degenerate Uncle Giuseppe who works as an automotive software engineer in Rome.
She does? You do? And he showed her how to do it in exchange for certain unsavory favors.
Oh,wait a minute.
That sounds like a,uh what do you call it? Writs' contrivance.
Yeah,yeah, it's a bit of a reach, but you get one per episode.
So they send Interpol to arrest the guy.
How did they know how to find him? Could you please not get bogged down in details? Anyway, so they're escorting the guy in handcuffs onto the plane at da Vinci International Airport, and,and kaboom! He's killed in a terrorist attack by Basque separatists.
Shouldn't Basque separatists be in Spain? Oh,it's great.
It's got everything you'd want: narrative propulsion, memorable characters, a felicitous intertwining of the random and the deliberate.
Just one question.
What's that? What's her motivation? Maybe she was tired of all the constant abuse and humiliation.
Yeah,she's not getting any younger.
She knows how Hollywood deals with aging actresses.
Yeah,she knows time is not on her side.
She figures she'll bump off the bitch and move herself up to number one.
You're very good, but you've still got a problem.
What's that? No hard evidence.
No fingerprints,no hairs you can stick in a machine that spits out the kind of truth juries lap up like a saucer of warm milk.
How do you know we're not saving the best for the last act? Are you? Because if you've got it, bring it on.
Just as I thought.
Bubkes.
So you figure, "What the hell? Give it a shot.
" You cook up this weak gruel of spindly circumstances and wild conjecture just to see if you can rattle Banana 2.
0's cage, just to see what she gives up, but she's way too cool and in the end reveals nothing.
She simply smiles and says, "Gentlemen,if you'll excuse me, I have a 13-episode commitment from CBS to attend to.
" It's called Megan's Family.
And with that, she and her lover- slash-executive producer turn and make their grand exit.
Hey.
We'll be watching you.
Mondays - 9:30, 8:30 Central.
Forget it,Gil.
It's Burbank.
Uh,whoa,oh.
Oh.
Ooh,whoa.
Whoa,ugh.
Ugh.
Ugh,that looks bad.
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