Bewitched (1964) s08e17 Episode Script
Serena's Richcraft
Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
Hello? Oh, hi, Larry.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Yeah.
Yeah, he's ready.
You want to talk to him? You're kidding.
Yeah, sure, I'll tell him.
Bye-bye.
That was Larry.
He and Mr.
Woolcott will be over to pick you up in a few minutes and guess what? What? In Mr.
Woolcott's helicopter.
You're kidding.
That's what I said.
Well, I guess if you're stuck being one of the 10 richest men in the world, you might as well live like it.
[TITTERS.]
Where are you going? He wants to show us the site of the newest in the chain of Woolcott Towers.
There's a chance we may be handling the advertising for all his hotels.
Wow.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Well, he said they'd be right over, but this is ridiculous.
[.]
Serena.
Hi, coz.
Serena, since when do you use a doorbell? Or for that matter, a door? Since when is it good manners not to say hello? Since Hello, Serena.
And what are you doing here? When you're exiled, you have to go someplace.
What do you mean "exiled"? [CAR HORN HONKING.]
Oh, I forgot.
I told the cab driver you'd pay the fare, Sammy.
BOTH: Cab driver? That's right.
Sweetheart, why don't you pay the cab driver and I'll find out what's going on.
[.]
Come on, Serena.
What do you mean "exiled"? Contessa Pirhana blew her cool.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
How was I supposed to know that Otto was her fiancé? What did Pirhana do? The old bat took me by surprise and zapped away all my powers.
How'd you get here? She zapped me onto the freeway.
It was humiliating and suffocating.
How can you stand all that smog? Serena, why don't you settle in Switzerland? They don't have a smog problem.
Darrin, this is serious.
Serena's lost her powers.
You bet it's serious.
She can't stay here.
[.]
Sweetheart, where is your compassion? We can't throw her out.
I mean, if she's without her powers, she's going to need some mortal basic training.
DARRIN: Then let's ship her off to Fort Bragg.
Sam, powers or no powers, if she stays here, we're living in a potential disaster area.
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING OVERHEAD.]
Oh, that must be Larry and Mr.
Woolcott.
Sam, anyplace but here.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Wow.
Who's that cat? Not bad-looking.
Must be rich, huh? Forget it, Serena.
Oh, but, cousin.
If my witchcraft is temporarily zonked, what better substitute than rich-craft? I mean, there's not much difference between witchcraft and rich-craft.
[CHUCKLES.]
Except maybe you fly a little slower.
NARRATOR: [.]
[.]
[.]
But Sammy, it would just be a little harmless research on mortal men.
Serena, you picked the wrong guinea pig.
Mr.
Woolcott is strictly business.
But, coz, if Durwood is going to temporarily support me, the least I can do is take an interest in his business.
Serena, you may stay with us as long as you promise to stay out of Darrin's way.
That will be my pleasure.
TABITHA: Mommy, Adam's eating my crayons.
[LAUGHING.]
Little darling.
[SIGHS.]
[.]
[WHIRRING.]
How did a nice little witch like me get into a mess like this? "Woolcott Towers, above the rest.
" "Woolcott Towers, above the rest.
" Sounds good, Darrin.
Yeah, come on in.
Harrison, would you like a drink before we start? Yeah, good idea.
Hi, beautiful people.
You too, dumbo.
Dumbo? It's a nickname.
A term of endearment.
If you say so.
Hi, cotton-top.
Hi, Serena.
[LUSTFUL CHUCKLE.]
And who be you? Serena, may I present Harrison Woolcott? Harrison, Serena is Sam's Younger cousin.
Serena.
How do you do? How do you do? Serena, why don't you go upstairs? Say! I'll bet you're Harrison Woolcott of the Woolcott Towers, right, Mr.
Woolcott? May I call you Harrison? Whatever you call me, I'll be sure to answer.
Terrific.
[.]
Now, you just put your little self right down there.
You know, the Woolcott Towers have always been my home away from home.
Oh, groovy.
Oh, yeah.
New York, Tokyo, Istanbul.
But my favorite is in San Francisco.
San Francisco? Uh-huh.
Well, I'm afraid you're a little young for that hotel.
I'm not too young for any hotel.
HARRISON: Yes, but you see, that burned down 50 years ago.
Huh? She means her mommy used to stay there.
Uh, Harrison, I'd like you to meet my wife, Samantha.
How do you do? How do you do? Let's go.
Well, you see, they were Well, I guess you'd like to go over the ad concepts now.
You guess wrong.
You always travel with your husband? Never with my husband.
She means she's never been married.
Yes.
She never settles down long enough to meet anyone.
It's go, go, go.
Speaking of go, I better get Serena to the airport before she misses her plane for Switzerland.
She's not gonna miss anything.
Darrin, don't let her go to Switzerland.
I can't talk her out of it.
Can anyone try? Try, dumbo.
Uh, Sam, I think we need some ice for the drinks.
Excuse us.
Excuse us.
Sam, do you realize what's going on in there? Yes.
She's flirting like any normal girl.
A, she is not a normal girl, B, what she's flirting with is my future.
If she gets involved with Woolcott, it's bound to end up a catastrophe.
Now, I am not running a home for delinquent witches.
I want Serena out of this house.
I'm glad you feel that way, dumbo, because Harrison has asked me to go boating with him this afternoon.
I think I can discourage him.
I doubt it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, oh, Sammy.
Oh, he is charming.
Spelled R-I-C-H.
Don't hassle me, Sammy.
[.]
Now, this is the main salon.
Or saloon, as you prefer.
I think "saloon" is less pretentious and more fun, don't you? [LAUGHS.]
Oh, what lovely paintings.
Thank you.
Picasso, Matisse [TITTERS.]
Cute.
"Cute.
" That's an odd thing to say about van Gogh.
Maybe Irving Van Gogh, not Vincent.
Are you saying this is a copy? Isn't it? I asked you first.
Of course it's a copy.
And so are these.
Didn't you know? Yes, I know.
Oh, how clever of you to hang copies.
The salt air would have ruined the original canvasses, which I hope you have.
Yes, I have.
You know what's extraordinary, is nobody else ever suspected.
How did you know? Well, take the van Gogh, for instance.
Mm-hm.
Look at those brushstrokes.
Vincent never caressed a canvas.
He attacked it.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, he was an angry young man, I can tell you.
Sounds like you speak from personal experience.
Oh, you can't get more personal.
What? I I I mean I did my thesis on van Gogh.
[LAUGHS.]
I really immersed myself in his life.
[.]
Here, let me.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, thank you.
I'm not very bright about some things.
Only about the things that matter, eh? [CHUCKLES.]
Mm.
Yummy.
Mm.
Château Margaux 1957.
I don't think so.
My guess would be Château Lafite Rothschild '45.
Well, what's the difference so long as it's fermented? Now, this Margaux Yes, it is Lafite '45.
That's amazing because the captain said he was gonna serve Margaux.
Just for that I'll have to bust him to corporal.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh! [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Yes? The cook would like to see you in the galley, sir.
It must be about lunch.
Don't go away.
Not I.
"Close cover before striking.
" What are you doing? Well, I I was trying to light a match.
Now, either I'm not striking them hard enough, or the matches are faulty.
You are one of the most delightfully helpless creatures I've ever met in my life.
[CHUCKLES.]
About some things, Harry.
Only about some things.
Now, let's talk about you.
Is it true that you are one of the 10 richest men in the world? Well, that was a matter of timing.
What do you mean? Well, at the time I was born my father happened to be one of the 10 richest men in the world.
Oh! [LAUGHING.]
Where did you get your education? At Witches U.
Witches U? Oh.
That's my nickname for Vassar.
We had a witch for a dean.
[LAUGHS.]
Serena, you're a remarkable girl.
You know, I feel that the chemistry between us is very good.
And the biology isn't bad, either.
[.]
[.]
I am going to kill her, Sam.
I'm going to kill her and no jury on Earth will convict me.
They were only gone three days.
And I'm thinking.
And I'm thinking.
She's up there right now, getting dressed to meet him for lunch.
That'll probably be another three days.
And what I'm thinking is when Harrison meets Serena for lunch, it won't be Serena he meets.
Who will it be? Me.
I'm gonna to take advantage of Serena's delicate condition and put her in the deep freeze until after lunch.
Whatever Serena turned on, I am gonna turn off.
Don't tell me another thing.
I love it, and I've got to get to the office.
[MELLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING.]
Mm, thank you.
Hi, I ordered you a martini.
Oh, thank you.
Well.
You look more beautiful than the last time I saw you.
You just saw me two hours ago.
Well, it seems more like two weeks.
Harrison Mm.
There's something I have to say to you.
Well, before you do, are you interested in buried treasure? Wh? What? Look under your napkin.
Go on.
Open it.
[GASPING.]
You have got to be kidding.
Well, Tiffany's was pretty serious about it.
They closed up for the rest of the week.
Uh, look, buster, we had a nice little cruise together, but don't hang anything permanent on me.
I've heard of schizophrenia, but this is ridiculous.
What happened to you? Well, I was under a spell on the yacht.
The full moon reflecting on the water.
The balmy breezes blowing.
The stars in the sky.
There was no moon.
It was foggy.
And as for the balmy breezes, we were in a squall most of the time.
Well, you've guessed my problem.
I have these hallucinations.
I don't believe this.
Well, you better believe it.
And I have another problem.
A psychotic fear of money.
When I handle it, I break out in hives.
Well, you don't have to handle it.
We'll let the help do that.
Harrison, to put this as nicely as I know how, you and I, we're two ships that passed in the night.
We tooted our whistles at each other.
Now we must sail on.
Uh, waiter? Yes, sir.
I'd like another drink, a double, please, and one for the young lady.
What lady? How about a cup of black coffee instead? Yes, it's a very good idea.
She is the most remarkable bundle of delightful contradictions that I have ever known.
This is a girl who can't unscrew the top on a bottle of olives yet can read the stars like Galileo.
She can't dial a telephone but she can tell you what went on in the bedroom of Alexander Graham Bell in 1902.
Now, that's heavy.
Well, doesn't that prove she's kind of strange? Sure, it's strange, but it's like an exciting strange.
Oh, exciting.
Definitely exciting.
You know another thing that fascinates me? She doesn't care about my loot.
They don't make girls like that anymore.
On the other hand, just to turn you down because you're wealthy is a kind of reverse prejudice.
And you wouldn't want to have anything to do with a bigot.
Stephens, I don't want to hear about your hang-ups with your wife's cousin.
I don't want to hear that.
That's between you and your psychiatrist.
I want to hear you say, "Harrison, let's go back to my house and see if we can talk some sense into Serena.
" That's what I want to hear you say.
Say it, Darrin.
Say it.
All right, I'll say it.
Harrison, why don't we all go back to Darrin's house and see if we can talk some sense into Serena? That's the way to say it.
Come on.
Compass point east And west and north.
I beg the Contessa Pirhana Come forth.
You begged.
Sit down, Contessa.
No, thank you.
Aunt Hepzibah taught me that sitting was a sign of weakness.
Contessa, it is unbecoming to hold a grudge.
Yes, but so satisfying.
How many fiancés do you have? The usual, of course.
One.
Two.
Three.
Including Otto? Yes, I gave him another chance.
Okay.
Then why not give her another chance too? Is she sufficiently remorseful? Oh, she's a real pussycat.
Aren't you, Serena? [CHUCKLES.]
Yes.
And one of these days you are going to be my mouse.
As for you [DOOR OPENS.]
Oh, Harrison.
Hi, Darrin, Larry.
Sam.
Come in, there's somebody I'd like you to meet.
Darrin, Mr.
Tate, Mr.
Woolcott, this is the Contessa Pirhana.
HARRISON: How do, Contessa? I'm happy to know you.
[MAGICAL CHIMES.]
Did I say happy? I meant enchanted.
Okay, okay, you've met her.
Now, buzz off, Pirhana.
I don't need you anymore.
I have found my true love.
Excuse me, I have to ask the Contessa something.
Would it be presumptuous of me to ask what you're doing in the immediate future? Like tonight? Now Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
There's something freaky going on here.
I'm having dinner with you.
Followed by an evening of dancing, merry-making, et cetera.
[GASPS.]
Et cetera! Et cetera? When do you pick me up? I just did.
Oh Why don't we start the evening this afternoon? Oh, now, wait a minute, Harrison.
Mr.
Woolcott, please.
Serena, the Contessa and I have to have a talk.
Alone.
Come along.
But But You too.
Okay.
Which wise witch pulled this stunt? Well, don't look at me.
I gave up love spells in high school.
I'm taking the fifth.
He's attractive, isn't he? You had your revenge, Pirhana.
So before you embark on your night of dancing, merry-making, et cetera, undo your thing.
Party pooper.
All right.
Repeat after me.
I am sorry, Contessa.
I'm sorry, Contessa.
Smile witch, laugh witch Take your powers back, witch.
There.
It's been really fun.
LARRY: Harrison, that's a brilliant idea.
Harrison, we have so much to look forward to.
Let's not waste one moment.
I'm hip.
Let's go.
But we've got business to discuss.
Harrison, we would like a This is business too, you know.
Would you drop me at my place? HARRISON: I'll get you a cab.
Sam.
Now we're right back in the same mess.
Well, it was the only way I could get Pirhana to take the spell off Serena.
Yeah.
I guess anything's worth getting rid of her.
Ha, ha.
Thanks a lot, superfink.
Sam.
Well [.]
[.]
[.]
Well, Mr.
Woolcott.
Hi.
Come in.
Thank you.
How are you? I'm all right.
I'm a little weary.
Yes, I can see that.
Hi, Harrison.
Hi, Darrin, how are you? I went over your layouts and they're super.
Oh, thank you.
We got a deal.
We'll work out the details when I get back, okay? Get back? Yeah, I'm gonna put out on the boat for a couple of months.
Rest up.
By the way, if you should see Pirhana again, will you tell her I'm sorry that I freaked out? Freaked out? Yeah, well, the other night when I took her out we made the rounds, you know, all the clubs.
And I guess maybe I had a little too much to drink.
Let's face it, I was stoned out of my gourd.
What happened? Well, we were dancing cheek-to-cheek.
It was nice, romantic, music was playing softly and I was singing in her ear.
Fly me to the moon The next thing I knew, I was on my way.
Where? To the moon.
Well, that must have been some nightmare.
It was some kind of heavy trip, whatever it was.
Well, I'd better split.
Shh.
Just shh.
[.]
[.]
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[SNAPS FINGERS.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
Hello? Oh, hi, Larry.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Yeah.
Yeah, he's ready.
You want to talk to him? You're kidding.
Yeah, sure, I'll tell him.
Bye-bye.
That was Larry.
He and Mr.
Woolcott will be over to pick you up in a few minutes and guess what? What? In Mr.
Woolcott's helicopter.
You're kidding.
That's what I said.
Well, I guess if you're stuck being one of the 10 richest men in the world, you might as well live like it.
[TITTERS.]
Where are you going? He wants to show us the site of the newest in the chain of Woolcott Towers.
There's a chance we may be handling the advertising for all his hotels.
Wow.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Well, he said they'd be right over, but this is ridiculous.
[.]
Serena.
Hi, coz.
Serena, since when do you use a doorbell? Or for that matter, a door? Since when is it good manners not to say hello? Since Hello, Serena.
And what are you doing here? When you're exiled, you have to go someplace.
What do you mean "exiled"? [CAR HORN HONKING.]
Oh, I forgot.
I told the cab driver you'd pay the fare, Sammy.
BOTH: Cab driver? That's right.
Sweetheart, why don't you pay the cab driver and I'll find out what's going on.
[.]
Come on, Serena.
What do you mean "exiled"? Contessa Pirhana blew her cool.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
How was I supposed to know that Otto was her fiancé? What did Pirhana do? The old bat took me by surprise and zapped away all my powers.
How'd you get here? She zapped me onto the freeway.
It was humiliating and suffocating.
How can you stand all that smog? Serena, why don't you settle in Switzerland? They don't have a smog problem.
Darrin, this is serious.
Serena's lost her powers.
You bet it's serious.
She can't stay here.
[.]
Sweetheart, where is your compassion? We can't throw her out.
I mean, if she's without her powers, she's going to need some mortal basic training.
DARRIN: Then let's ship her off to Fort Bragg.
Sam, powers or no powers, if she stays here, we're living in a potential disaster area.
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING OVERHEAD.]
Oh, that must be Larry and Mr.
Woolcott.
Sam, anyplace but here.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Wow.
Who's that cat? Not bad-looking.
Must be rich, huh? Forget it, Serena.
Oh, but, cousin.
If my witchcraft is temporarily zonked, what better substitute than rich-craft? I mean, there's not much difference between witchcraft and rich-craft.
[CHUCKLES.]
Except maybe you fly a little slower.
NARRATOR: [.]
[.]
[.]
But Sammy, it would just be a little harmless research on mortal men.
Serena, you picked the wrong guinea pig.
Mr.
Woolcott is strictly business.
But, coz, if Durwood is going to temporarily support me, the least I can do is take an interest in his business.
Serena, you may stay with us as long as you promise to stay out of Darrin's way.
That will be my pleasure.
TABITHA: Mommy, Adam's eating my crayons.
[LAUGHING.]
Little darling.
[SIGHS.]
[.]
[WHIRRING.]
How did a nice little witch like me get into a mess like this? "Woolcott Towers, above the rest.
" "Woolcott Towers, above the rest.
" Sounds good, Darrin.
Yeah, come on in.
Harrison, would you like a drink before we start? Yeah, good idea.
Hi, beautiful people.
You too, dumbo.
Dumbo? It's a nickname.
A term of endearment.
If you say so.
Hi, cotton-top.
Hi, Serena.
[LUSTFUL CHUCKLE.]
And who be you? Serena, may I present Harrison Woolcott? Harrison, Serena is Sam's Younger cousin.
Serena.
How do you do? How do you do? Serena, why don't you go upstairs? Say! I'll bet you're Harrison Woolcott of the Woolcott Towers, right, Mr.
Woolcott? May I call you Harrison? Whatever you call me, I'll be sure to answer.
Terrific.
[.]
Now, you just put your little self right down there.
You know, the Woolcott Towers have always been my home away from home.
Oh, groovy.
Oh, yeah.
New York, Tokyo, Istanbul.
But my favorite is in San Francisco.
San Francisco? Uh-huh.
Well, I'm afraid you're a little young for that hotel.
I'm not too young for any hotel.
HARRISON: Yes, but you see, that burned down 50 years ago.
Huh? She means her mommy used to stay there.
Uh, Harrison, I'd like you to meet my wife, Samantha.
How do you do? How do you do? Let's go.
Well, you see, they were Well, I guess you'd like to go over the ad concepts now.
You guess wrong.
You always travel with your husband? Never with my husband.
She means she's never been married.
Yes.
She never settles down long enough to meet anyone.
It's go, go, go.
Speaking of go, I better get Serena to the airport before she misses her plane for Switzerland.
She's not gonna miss anything.
Darrin, don't let her go to Switzerland.
I can't talk her out of it.
Can anyone try? Try, dumbo.
Uh, Sam, I think we need some ice for the drinks.
Excuse us.
Excuse us.
Sam, do you realize what's going on in there? Yes.
She's flirting like any normal girl.
A, she is not a normal girl, B, what she's flirting with is my future.
If she gets involved with Woolcott, it's bound to end up a catastrophe.
Now, I am not running a home for delinquent witches.
I want Serena out of this house.
I'm glad you feel that way, dumbo, because Harrison has asked me to go boating with him this afternoon.
I think I can discourage him.
I doubt it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, oh, Sammy.
Oh, he is charming.
Spelled R-I-C-H.
Don't hassle me, Sammy.
[.]
Now, this is the main salon.
Or saloon, as you prefer.
I think "saloon" is less pretentious and more fun, don't you? [LAUGHS.]
Oh, what lovely paintings.
Thank you.
Picasso, Matisse [TITTERS.]
Cute.
"Cute.
" That's an odd thing to say about van Gogh.
Maybe Irving Van Gogh, not Vincent.
Are you saying this is a copy? Isn't it? I asked you first.
Of course it's a copy.
And so are these.
Didn't you know? Yes, I know.
Oh, how clever of you to hang copies.
The salt air would have ruined the original canvasses, which I hope you have.
Yes, I have.
You know what's extraordinary, is nobody else ever suspected.
How did you know? Well, take the van Gogh, for instance.
Mm-hm.
Look at those brushstrokes.
Vincent never caressed a canvas.
He attacked it.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, he was an angry young man, I can tell you.
Sounds like you speak from personal experience.
Oh, you can't get more personal.
What? I I I mean I did my thesis on van Gogh.
[LAUGHS.]
I really immersed myself in his life.
[.]
Here, let me.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, thank you.
I'm not very bright about some things.
Only about the things that matter, eh? [CHUCKLES.]
Mm.
Yummy.
Mm.
Château Margaux 1957.
I don't think so.
My guess would be Château Lafite Rothschild '45.
Well, what's the difference so long as it's fermented? Now, this Margaux Yes, it is Lafite '45.
That's amazing because the captain said he was gonna serve Margaux.
Just for that I'll have to bust him to corporal.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh! [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Yes? The cook would like to see you in the galley, sir.
It must be about lunch.
Don't go away.
Not I.
"Close cover before striking.
" What are you doing? Well, I I was trying to light a match.
Now, either I'm not striking them hard enough, or the matches are faulty.
You are one of the most delightfully helpless creatures I've ever met in my life.
[CHUCKLES.]
About some things, Harry.
Only about some things.
Now, let's talk about you.
Is it true that you are one of the 10 richest men in the world? Well, that was a matter of timing.
What do you mean? Well, at the time I was born my father happened to be one of the 10 richest men in the world.
Oh! [LAUGHING.]
Where did you get your education? At Witches U.
Witches U? Oh.
That's my nickname for Vassar.
We had a witch for a dean.
[LAUGHS.]
Serena, you're a remarkable girl.
You know, I feel that the chemistry between us is very good.
And the biology isn't bad, either.
[.]
[.]
I am going to kill her, Sam.
I'm going to kill her and no jury on Earth will convict me.
They were only gone three days.
And I'm thinking.
And I'm thinking.
She's up there right now, getting dressed to meet him for lunch.
That'll probably be another three days.
And what I'm thinking is when Harrison meets Serena for lunch, it won't be Serena he meets.
Who will it be? Me.
I'm gonna to take advantage of Serena's delicate condition and put her in the deep freeze until after lunch.
Whatever Serena turned on, I am gonna turn off.
Don't tell me another thing.
I love it, and I've got to get to the office.
[MELLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYING.]
Mm, thank you.
Hi, I ordered you a martini.
Oh, thank you.
Well.
You look more beautiful than the last time I saw you.
You just saw me two hours ago.
Well, it seems more like two weeks.
Harrison Mm.
There's something I have to say to you.
Well, before you do, are you interested in buried treasure? Wh? What? Look under your napkin.
Go on.
Open it.
[GASPING.]
You have got to be kidding.
Well, Tiffany's was pretty serious about it.
They closed up for the rest of the week.
Uh, look, buster, we had a nice little cruise together, but don't hang anything permanent on me.
I've heard of schizophrenia, but this is ridiculous.
What happened to you? Well, I was under a spell on the yacht.
The full moon reflecting on the water.
The balmy breezes blowing.
The stars in the sky.
There was no moon.
It was foggy.
And as for the balmy breezes, we were in a squall most of the time.
Well, you've guessed my problem.
I have these hallucinations.
I don't believe this.
Well, you better believe it.
And I have another problem.
A psychotic fear of money.
When I handle it, I break out in hives.
Well, you don't have to handle it.
We'll let the help do that.
Harrison, to put this as nicely as I know how, you and I, we're two ships that passed in the night.
We tooted our whistles at each other.
Now we must sail on.
Uh, waiter? Yes, sir.
I'd like another drink, a double, please, and one for the young lady.
What lady? How about a cup of black coffee instead? Yes, it's a very good idea.
She is the most remarkable bundle of delightful contradictions that I have ever known.
This is a girl who can't unscrew the top on a bottle of olives yet can read the stars like Galileo.
She can't dial a telephone but she can tell you what went on in the bedroom of Alexander Graham Bell in 1902.
Now, that's heavy.
Well, doesn't that prove she's kind of strange? Sure, it's strange, but it's like an exciting strange.
Oh, exciting.
Definitely exciting.
You know another thing that fascinates me? She doesn't care about my loot.
They don't make girls like that anymore.
On the other hand, just to turn you down because you're wealthy is a kind of reverse prejudice.
And you wouldn't want to have anything to do with a bigot.
Stephens, I don't want to hear about your hang-ups with your wife's cousin.
I don't want to hear that.
That's between you and your psychiatrist.
I want to hear you say, "Harrison, let's go back to my house and see if we can talk some sense into Serena.
" That's what I want to hear you say.
Say it, Darrin.
Say it.
All right, I'll say it.
Harrison, why don't we all go back to Darrin's house and see if we can talk some sense into Serena? That's the way to say it.
Come on.
Compass point east And west and north.
I beg the Contessa Pirhana Come forth.
You begged.
Sit down, Contessa.
No, thank you.
Aunt Hepzibah taught me that sitting was a sign of weakness.
Contessa, it is unbecoming to hold a grudge.
Yes, but so satisfying.
How many fiancés do you have? The usual, of course.
One.
Two.
Three.
Including Otto? Yes, I gave him another chance.
Okay.
Then why not give her another chance too? Is she sufficiently remorseful? Oh, she's a real pussycat.
Aren't you, Serena? [CHUCKLES.]
Yes.
And one of these days you are going to be my mouse.
As for you [DOOR OPENS.]
Oh, Harrison.
Hi, Darrin, Larry.
Sam.
Come in, there's somebody I'd like you to meet.
Darrin, Mr.
Tate, Mr.
Woolcott, this is the Contessa Pirhana.
HARRISON: How do, Contessa? I'm happy to know you.
[MAGICAL CHIMES.]
Did I say happy? I meant enchanted.
Okay, okay, you've met her.
Now, buzz off, Pirhana.
I don't need you anymore.
I have found my true love.
Excuse me, I have to ask the Contessa something.
Would it be presumptuous of me to ask what you're doing in the immediate future? Like tonight? Now Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
There's something freaky going on here.
I'm having dinner with you.
Followed by an evening of dancing, merry-making, et cetera.
[GASPS.]
Et cetera! Et cetera? When do you pick me up? I just did.
Oh Why don't we start the evening this afternoon? Oh, now, wait a minute, Harrison.
Mr.
Woolcott, please.
Serena, the Contessa and I have to have a talk.
Alone.
Come along.
But But You too.
Okay.
Which wise witch pulled this stunt? Well, don't look at me.
I gave up love spells in high school.
I'm taking the fifth.
He's attractive, isn't he? You had your revenge, Pirhana.
So before you embark on your night of dancing, merry-making, et cetera, undo your thing.
Party pooper.
All right.
Repeat after me.
I am sorry, Contessa.
I'm sorry, Contessa.
Smile witch, laugh witch Take your powers back, witch.
There.
It's been really fun.
LARRY: Harrison, that's a brilliant idea.
Harrison, we have so much to look forward to.
Let's not waste one moment.
I'm hip.
Let's go.
But we've got business to discuss.
Harrison, we would like a This is business too, you know.
Would you drop me at my place? HARRISON: I'll get you a cab.
Sam.
Now we're right back in the same mess.
Well, it was the only way I could get Pirhana to take the spell off Serena.
Yeah.
I guess anything's worth getting rid of her.
Ha, ha.
Thanks a lot, superfink.
Sam.
Well [.]
[.]
[.]
Well, Mr.
Woolcott.
Hi.
Come in.
Thank you.
How are you? I'm all right.
I'm a little weary.
Yes, I can see that.
Hi, Harrison.
Hi, Darrin, how are you? I went over your layouts and they're super.
Oh, thank you.
We got a deal.
We'll work out the details when I get back, okay? Get back? Yeah, I'm gonna put out on the boat for a couple of months.
Rest up.
By the way, if you should see Pirhana again, will you tell her I'm sorry that I freaked out? Freaked out? Yeah, well, the other night when I took her out we made the rounds, you know, all the clubs.
And I guess maybe I had a little too much to drink.
Let's face it, I was stoned out of my gourd.
What happened? Well, we were dancing cheek-to-cheek.
It was nice, romantic, music was playing softly and I was singing in her ear.
Fly me to the moon The next thing I knew, I was on my way.
Where? To the moon.
Well, that must have been some nightmare.
It was some kind of heavy trip, whatever it was.
Well, I'd better split.
Shh.
Just shh.
[.]
[.]