Robot Chicken s08e17 Episode Script
Two Weeks Without Food
1 [Whirring.]
[Theme music plays.]
[Whirring.]
MAN: It's alive! 8x17 - Two Weeks Without Food [Thunder rumbles.]
[Gun cocks.]
You know me.
I'm Walter White.
I'm not in the meth business.
I'm in the empire business.
You want to know what it's like to break bad? Well, I'm gonna break it down for you.
[Hip-hop music playing.]
Because I am the one who knocks.
And I'm the one who likes breakfast! It's Walt Junior, but you can call me MC Flynn My favorite meal is when the day begins Yeah, I'm all about that breakfast It's my jam I'm talking turkey sausage, eggs, bacon, and ham In the mood for pancakes Uh, I am I go mental for continental Throw back a Grand Slam Customize an omelette with all the right spices Lean back like a mack with my cantaloupe slices Never had a girlfriend, yo, but don't hate Got no time for vagine, man Look at this plate I like my Cap'n Crunchy My home fries fried How do you want your eggs, Walt Junior? Let me see that sunny side! Hey, Mr.
White, sorry I'm late.
J.
Pink, why don't you break me off a piece.
Yeah, bitch! Last name Pinkman, first name Jesse Met Mr.
White then things got messy We murdered Gus Fring And I was eating your breakfast Hey, let's get back to breakfast I'll go nuts on a doughnut I don't mean to boast Do something awful to a waffle Or some French toast Orange juice, Flynn? - # Um, let me think, yes, please # - Concentrate? Bitch, just fella only drinks fresh-squeezed [Music stops.]
Oh, I will take that from everyone else, but if you call your mother a bitch again, you will end up on the roof like that pizza! You never let me do anything fun! All right, sweet landing Exosquad.
Almost as sweet as our haircuts! Hey, Takagi, that E-frame looks good on you, rookie.
Thanks! Hey, quick hypothetical.
If someone, let's say, oh, I don't know, sharted big-time in his or her exosuit, is there some sort of cleaning system that wipes this thing down and neutralizes really strong odors? Cut the chatter, Takagi.
Neosapiens closing in.
Lock and load.
Come on, you bastards! Hey, when they tested this suit, did they ever fill it knee-deep with Dinty Moore beef stew and figure out how to drain it ASAP? There's an evac switch under the console in case of a coolant leak.
- We got company! - Nice shooting, team.
[Grunts.]
Oh, hey, guys! Is coolant brown? Guess it is.
Better let it all drain out.
And donesy.
Mother ship, we're coming home.
Hazmat protocol.
- Takagi shit his suit.
- What?! Swiper, please, no swiping! I have to.
Don't you understand?! The work's not done over there! [heroic music.]
Announcer: The future mutant carnivores called Carnivars terrorize the people of Peopleopolis.
Their only hope is Max Action, the super soldier leading the fight for freedom.
Lead us into battle, Max! I will! But first, I've heard rumors I was on cocaine when I designed my uniform and half-lion, half-car Lion Car.
Well, I was stone-cold sober, okay?! Okay.
But how will we retake control of the capital? I overheard people saying that my Lion Car is "a mess," and "what cocaine would look like if cocaine was a car.
" Well, you're wrong! So you gossip hounds can talk smack while I take on the Carnivars by myself completely sober.
Ooh, what's this white stuff down here? Gosh, I don't have a push broom or a DustBuster.
Hmm, better use my nose.
[Snorting.]
Oh, there we go! Whoo! To victory! [Screaming.]
Come on, Angels.
Our Victoria's Secret show starts in two minutes.
Oh! Oh, somebody call 911! This rattlesnake just bit the tip of my dick! Oh! We need to suck out the poison! [Unzips.]
That'sss right, I'm the ultimate wingman.
I'll be on that dude'sss Chrissstmasss lissst forever! [Laughs.]
Oh, my God he's dead.
[Groans.]
[Alarm blaring.]
The ferry, drive! Go, go, go! Bailey: It's your lucky day! You guys are in the Cash Cab, a TV game show that takes place right here in my taxi.
[Gunshots, tires squeal.]
The [bleep.]
did you just say? I'll ask you general-knowledge questions - on your way to your destination.
- "Cash Cab" right! Oh, my sister watches this show all the time! Yeah, what up, Denise! I'm on "Cash Cab"! - This first question is for $25.
- Here they come! Ben Franklin wanted which feathered fowl to be our national bird? The the [Grunts.]
- Steven?! They killed Steven! - The turkey! That's right! You have $25! Police Officer: Pull over! [Bleep.]
you, pigs! Second question, what kind of banana [Grunts.]
[Sirens wail.]
Announcer: Coming up Oh, Denise, I never made a will! So my baseball cards and all this money we just stole, this is definitely [Glub, glub.]
To find out who got the baseball cards, go to discovery.
com for web exclusives.
Here's your martini, Miss Delacroix.
- I presume it's dirty.
- Oh, very dirty, Mr.
Bond.
- And for you, sir? - Full order of nachos.
Maybe some of those Kobe beef sliders.
And make some room on the wall.
Tell Freddy I'll be taking his hot-wing challenge tonight.
[Giggles.]
Oh, James! So so so have you guys, you guys have you guys have done it? - Uh, no obviously.
- Well, I have.
- No, you haven't! - Yeah! Yeah, I have sex with my girlfriend up in the Niagara Falls area, like, every time I see her.
Oh, your girlfriend's missing all her teeth then? What does that mean? [Laughing.]
- [Bleep.]
idiot! - [Bleep.]
you, guys! Who killed the hooker at the dockside bar?! - Was it you?! - Who, me? - Yes, you! - Couldn't be.
Then who? Sanchez killed the hooker at the dockside bar.
She wasn't dead when I left.
[Growls.]
Now get the butter.
Mmm! Mmm! Now get the marzipan.
Pablo, looks like someone sucked the blood out of our goats! Who the hell would do that? [Hip-hop music playing.]
# You wanna know who be sucking all these goats? # Ha ha I'm a Chupacabra, legendary creature Tiny-ass goat, you know I'm gonna eat ya I suck goats like a bad mother "Cabra" means goat "Chupa" means sucka Bloodsucking stud at a goat buffet Yeah, I be sucking on goats, like, every day My thick-ass skin is like ancient armor I suck more goats than an Appalachian farmer Wanna roll with me Then you're out of luck Unless you be bringing some goats to suck You think I'm lying, man, I'll slit your throat You best believe me when I say I suck so much goat He's a Chupacabra That's why he can gloat Sharp-ass fangs, big old wings We forgetting anything? Oh, yeah, he sucks goat I came to chew bubble gum and suck on goats And I'm all out of gum that's my favorite quote I suck on goats every week and weekend If I ain't sucking goats, then I'm probably sleepin' Got a goat-sucking process You know you want it Number one, find a goat Number two, suck on it I've sucked on goats from here to New Orleans I sucked more goats than a milking machine I'm the greatest of all time Can't you see "G" to the "O" to "A" to the "T" Chupacabra, son I hope you take note I'm a bloodthirsty gangsta I'm-a suck your goat He's a Chupacabra - So, uh, you want my mix tape? - Does this answer your question? [gun cocks.]
Wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute, man, how many times could you possibly use that? Eh, more than you might think.
Oh! Remy, I have a date tonight, and I'm a little nervous because I've never done it before.
Say no more.
Leave it to me.
Oh! Ooh! [Grunting.]
Colette: Oh, yeah.
Yes, Linguini, you're amazing! [Chuckles.]
You ready for a second helping? Mais oui! But why are you wearing a chef's hat on your balls? Anybody got any hand sanitizer? Hey, what the [bleep.]
What the [bleep.]
?! Yo, I didn't do shit, man! I did not do shit! What the [bleep.]
! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! You get the [bleep.]
off me.
Man, get the [bleep.]
off! Get the [bleep.]
off me, man.
Get your hand out my pouch! I got a receipt for that! Hey, [bleep.]
you, man.
They didn't give me a receipt, that's on them.
That's not me, that's on them.
I'll kick you ass, mother[bleep.]
[Hitting high note.]
Announcer: In 1985, the U.
S.
government captured Bigfoot.
With his unparalleled strength, there was only one option train Bigfoot to become an officer with the San Francisco Police Department.
But what does a powerful monster named Bigfoot drive? A powerful monster truck named Bigfoot.
Outfitted with artificial intelligence, the monster truck named Bigfoot and the other Bigfoot became the unstoppable team of Bigfoot and Bigfoot! Starring Hulk Hogan as the voice of Bigfoot the truck one.
All right, Bigfeet, I'm sending you guys undercover.
Sounds cool! Wheelie cool, brother! Y'all gonna bring down a drug cartel called El Diablo's Taint.
Now get out of my office! [Growling.]
How the hell did you get in here? A little birdie told me that one of you is a cop.
Seòor Sanchez, I don't know if this new guy's a cop, but I'm pretty sure he's Bigfoot.
Madre de caca! He's Bigfoot and a cop! [Growling.]
[Guns cock.]
Huh? Sorry I'm late, brother! [Grunting.]
[Tires squeal.]
[Growling.]
A "please" would be nice, brother.
[Horn honks.]
[Panting.]
Oh, sorry! Brother, sorry! The hills are alive with the sound of justice, brother! Now that's a dirty Sanchez, brother.
[Roaring.]
[Burps.]
Well, I was gonna suggest lunch, but it looks like you just ate, brother.
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.
[James Bond theme.]
[Theme music plays.]
[Whirring.]
MAN: It's alive! 8x17 - Two Weeks Without Food [Thunder rumbles.]
[Gun cocks.]
You know me.
I'm Walter White.
I'm not in the meth business.
I'm in the empire business.
You want to know what it's like to break bad? Well, I'm gonna break it down for you.
[Hip-hop music playing.]
Because I am the one who knocks.
And I'm the one who likes breakfast! It's Walt Junior, but you can call me MC Flynn My favorite meal is when the day begins Yeah, I'm all about that breakfast It's my jam I'm talking turkey sausage, eggs, bacon, and ham In the mood for pancakes Uh, I am I go mental for continental Throw back a Grand Slam Customize an omelette with all the right spices Lean back like a mack with my cantaloupe slices Never had a girlfriend, yo, but don't hate Got no time for vagine, man Look at this plate I like my Cap'n Crunchy My home fries fried How do you want your eggs, Walt Junior? Let me see that sunny side! Hey, Mr.
White, sorry I'm late.
J.
Pink, why don't you break me off a piece.
Yeah, bitch! Last name Pinkman, first name Jesse Met Mr.
White then things got messy We murdered Gus Fring And I was eating your breakfast Hey, let's get back to breakfast I'll go nuts on a doughnut I don't mean to boast Do something awful to a waffle Or some French toast Orange juice, Flynn? - # Um, let me think, yes, please # - Concentrate? Bitch, just fella only drinks fresh-squeezed [Music stops.]
Oh, I will take that from everyone else, but if you call your mother a bitch again, you will end up on the roof like that pizza! You never let me do anything fun! All right, sweet landing Exosquad.
Almost as sweet as our haircuts! Hey, Takagi, that E-frame looks good on you, rookie.
Thanks! Hey, quick hypothetical.
If someone, let's say, oh, I don't know, sharted big-time in his or her exosuit, is there some sort of cleaning system that wipes this thing down and neutralizes really strong odors? Cut the chatter, Takagi.
Neosapiens closing in.
Lock and load.
Come on, you bastards! Hey, when they tested this suit, did they ever fill it knee-deep with Dinty Moore beef stew and figure out how to drain it ASAP? There's an evac switch under the console in case of a coolant leak.
- We got company! - Nice shooting, team.
[Grunts.]
Oh, hey, guys! Is coolant brown? Guess it is.
Better let it all drain out.
And donesy.
Mother ship, we're coming home.
Hazmat protocol.
- Takagi shit his suit.
- What?! Swiper, please, no swiping! I have to.
Don't you understand?! The work's not done over there! [heroic music.]
Announcer: The future mutant carnivores called Carnivars terrorize the people of Peopleopolis.
Their only hope is Max Action, the super soldier leading the fight for freedom.
Lead us into battle, Max! I will! But first, I've heard rumors I was on cocaine when I designed my uniform and half-lion, half-car Lion Car.
Well, I was stone-cold sober, okay?! Okay.
But how will we retake control of the capital? I overheard people saying that my Lion Car is "a mess," and "what cocaine would look like if cocaine was a car.
" Well, you're wrong! So you gossip hounds can talk smack while I take on the Carnivars by myself completely sober.
Ooh, what's this white stuff down here? Gosh, I don't have a push broom or a DustBuster.
Hmm, better use my nose.
[Snorting.]
Oh, there we go! Whoo! To victory! [Screaming.]
Come on, Angels.
Our Victoria's Secret show starts in two minutes.
Oh! Oh, somebody call 911! This rattlesnake just bit the tip of my dick! Oh! We need to suck out the poison! [Unzips.]
That'sss right, I'm the ultimate wingman.
I'll be on that dude'sss Chrissstmasss lissst forever! [Laughs.]
Oh, my God he's dead.
[Groans.]
[Alarm blaring.]
The ferry, drive! Go, go, go! Bailey: It's your lucky day! You guys are in the Cash Cab, a TV game show that takes place right here in my taxi.
[Gunshots, tires squeal.]
The [bleep.]
did you just say? I'll ask you general-knowledge questions - on your way to your destination.
- "Cash Cab" right! Oh, my sister watches this show all the time! Yeah, what up, Denise! I'm on "Cash Cab"! - This first question is for $25.
- Here they come! Ben Franklin wanted which feathered fowl to be our national bird? The the [Grunts.]
- Steven?! They killed Steven! - The turkey! That's right! You have $25! Police Officer: Pull over! [Bleep.]
you, pigs! Second question, what kind of banana [Grunts.]
[Sirens wail.]
Announcer: Coming up Oh, Denise, I never made a will! So my baseball cards and all this money we just stole, this is definitely [Glub, glub.]
To find out who got the baseball cards, go to discovery.
com for web exclusives.
Here's your martini, Miss Delacroix.
- I presume it's dirty.
- Oh, very dirty, Mr.
Bond.
- And for you, sir? - Full order of nachos.
Maybe some of those Kobe beef sliders.
And make some room on the wall.
Tell Freddy I'll be taking his hot-wing challenge tonight.
[Giggles.]
Oh, James! So so so have you guys, you guys have you guys have done it? - Uh, no obviously.
- Well, I have.
- No, you haven't! - Yeah! Yeah, I have sex with my girlfriend up in the Niagara Falls area, like, every time I see her.
Oh, your girlfriend's missing all her teeth then? What does that mean? [Laughing.]
- [Bleep.]
idiot! - [Bleep.]
you, guys! Who killed the hooker at the dockside bar?! - Was it you?! - Who, me? - Yes, you! - Couldn't be.
Then who? Sanchez killed the hooker at the dockside bar.
She wasn't dead when I left.
[Growls.]
Now get the butter.
Mmm! Mmm! Now get the marzipan.
Pablo, looks like someone sucked the blood out of our goats! Who the hell would do that? [Hip-hop music playing.]
# You wanna know who be sucking all these goats? # Ha ha I'm a Chupacabra, legendary creature Tiny-ass goat, you know I'm gonna eat ya I suck goats like a bad mother "Cabra" means goat "Chupa" means sucka Bloodsucking stud at a goat buffet Yeah, I be sucking on goats, like, every day My thick-ass skin is like ancient armor I suck more goats than an Appalachian farmer Wanna roll with me Then you're out of luck Unless you be bringing some goats to suck You think I'm lying, man, I'll slit your throat You best believe me when I say I suck so much goat He's a Chupacabra That's why he can gloat Sharp-ass fangs, big old wings We forgetting anything? Oh, yeah, he sucks goat I came to chew bubble gum and suck on goats And I'm all out of gum that's my favorite quote I suck on goats every week and weekend If I ain't sucking goats, then I'm probably sleepin' Got a goat-sucking process You know you want it Number one, find a goat Number two, suck on it I've sucked on goats from here to New Orleans I sucked more goats than a milking machine I'm the greatest of all time Can't you see "G" to the "O" to "A" to the "T" Chupacabra, son I hope you take note I'm a bloodthirsty gangsta I'm-a suck your goat He's a Chupacabra - So, uh, you want my mix tape? - Does this answer your question? [gun cocks.]
Wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute, man, how many times could you possibly use that? Eh, more than you might think.
Oh! Remy, I have a date tonight, and I'm a little nervous because I've never done it before.
Say no more.
Leave it to me.
Oh! Ooh! [Grunting.]
Colette: Oh, yeah.
Yes, Linguini, you're amazing! [Chuckles.]
You ready for a second helping? Mais oui! But why are you wearing a chef's hat on your balls? Anybody got any hand sanitizer? Hey, what the [bleep.]
What the [bleep.]
?! Yo, I didn't do shit, man! I did not do shit! What the [bleep.]
! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! You get the [bleep.]
off me.
Man, get the [bleep.]
off! Get the [bleep.]
off me, man.
Get your hand out my pouch! I got a receipt for that! Hey, [bleep.]
you, man.
They didn't give me a receipt, that's on them.
That's not me, that's on them.
I'll kick you ass, mother[bleep.]
[Hitting high note.]
Announcer: In 1985, the U.
S.
government captured Bigfoot.
With his unparalleled strength, there was only one option train Bigfoot to become an officer with the San Francisco Police Department.
But what does a powerful monster named Bigfoot drive? A powerful monster truck named Bigfoot.
Outfitted with artificial intelligence, the monster truck named Bigfoot and the other Bigfoot became the unstoppable team of Bigfoot and Bigfoot! Starring Hulk Hogan as the voice of Bigfoot the truck one.
All right, Bigfeet, I'm sending you guys undercover.
Sounds cool! Wheelie cool, brother! Y'all gonna bring down a drug cartel called El Diablo's Taint.
Now get out of my office! [Growling.]
How the hell did you get in here? A little birdie told me that one of you is a cop.
Seòor Sanchez, I don't know if this new guy's a cop, but I'm pretty sure he's Bigfoot.
Madre de caca! He's Bigfoot and a cop! [Growling.]
[Guns cock.]
Huh? Sorry I'm late, brother! [Grunting.]
[Tires squeal.]
[Growling.]
A "please" would be nice, brother.
[Horn honks.]
[Panting.]
Oh, sorry! Brother, sorry! The hills are alive with the sound of justice, brother! Now that's a dirty Sanchez, brother.
[Roaring.]
[Burps.]
Well, I was gonna suggest lunch, but it looks like you just ate, brother.
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.
[James Bond theme.]