Robot Chicken s08e19 Episode Script
The Angelic Sounds of Mike Giggling
1 [Whirring.]
[Theme music plays.]
[Whirring.]
MAN: It's alive! 2x19 - "The Angelic Sounds of Mike Giggling" [Thunder rumbles.]
- Care for some coconut milk? - Yeah, I'd love some.
Yeah, suck my nuts dry, girl.
Mmm! Yeah, suck the milk right out of my nuts! What are you looking at? You done it, too.
You've all sucked these nuts! [Laughs.]
Coconut tree wins at life! Fellow Renegades, today we shall destroy the Guardians once and for all! Ah, yeah, Screwhead gonna whip all the butts.
Screwhead a mean little Gobot.
Got a big old screw on his head.
Screwhead gonna be like pow, pow, smack, pow, pow knocking good guys down.
They all be like, "Who are you?" - And I'll be like, "Screwhead.
" - All right.
We are going to launch a surprise attack on the Guardian base! Ah, yeah! Screwhead gonna be like this Doop, dee, bop, doop, doop! Guardians be like, "What's that?" "Oh, it's just a car with a screw in the front.
" Then they be all relaxed and thinking I'm not Screwhead.
Then I'll be like bing, bang, bow, bow! Good guy runs into the other room all scared of Screwhead.
I knock on the door like, "Knock, knock.
" "Who's there?" "Not.
" "Not who?" "Not Screwhead.
" Then he open the door and be all like, "Uh-oh, Screwhead.
" Oh, Screwhead, let's cool it with the commentary.
We will attack in two teams.
I will command Team 1.
Team 2's leader will be Tank! Oh, snap! He say Screwhead! Heck yeah! Y'all be high-fiving Screwhead 'cause he be all leading Team 2.
Screwhead, I-I said Tank.
My bad.
Screwhead's not leading Team 2.
Tank is.
Love Tank.
Screwhead see Tank in the halls and be all, "S'up, Tank? How are you doing today?" Tank be like, "I'm good, Screwhead.
" I'll be like, "Okay.
" Oh [bleep.]
me.
I-I just couldn't with him, right? I-I mean We will remember Screw [mellow music.]
Will you screw-member him? CSI initial evaluation of Lois Lane murder scene.
[Both shuddering.]
Back of victim's head blown outwards, consistent with a firearm discharge in her mouth.
No powder burns visible.
[Gasps.]
Hold it together, Kent.
Blood spatter indicates low angle of trajectory.
Hmm.
No bullet holes.
Gun would have been about here when he fired.
- Putting her head about here.
- Higher.
Here? - Huh? Huh? - Oh, my God.
Could be the bastard made her get down and beg.
W-Well, I'll kill him myself! No, her expression reads as total surprise.
- She never saw it coming.
- Huh.
The chair's facing the TV.
Where they watching something? Announcer: You're watching the Blow Job Network.
[Gulps.]
Huh.
Is the Blow Job Network on C-Comcast? - Just asking for a friend.
- Any neighbor testimony? Yeah, old lady across the hall said she heard someone yell, "Here comes a super load," followed by a noise she described as, uh, "bear screaming into a megaphone.
" And then a cry of "Oh, my God, I've killed her.
" I don't know.
Call me crazy, but I think she might have been giving Thor a hand job.
That cheating bitch! She blew me in this chair just last night! - Uh, I mean, uh, yoink! - Hello, Comcast? Does my extended digital package cover the Blow Job Network? [Music.]
Max, what are you doing? - It looks like you have brain freeze.
- I'm doing Kegels.
Mmm.
Is that like a mix between a croissant and a bagel? [Snap.]
Uh-oh.
I think I just broke my vagina.
Man: We interrupt this program with breaking news.
A powerful 9.
2 earthquake has struck off the coast of Europe.
Now back to "2 Broke Girls," already in progress.
You're not going to bandage her labia? - Where'd you even go to school? - No, no, no, it will heal if she'll just leave it alone for a few days.
[Scoffs.]
That's like asking a fish not to swim.
Man: An update on the European quake.
A wall of water 90 feet high is expected to reach land within the hour.
Now, "2 Broke Girls.
" Oh, your soup's cold, lady? Well, guess what? I just broke my [Cat meows.]
Oh, my gosh.
Whose cat is that? Man: Ladies and gentlemen, Europe is now under water.
Millions of lives are presumed lost.
Please, pray for everyone affected by this tragedy.
And now back to "2 Broke Girls.
" Penis! [Music.]
Yeah, we're the Stone Protectors [Metal music.]
Our stones of power glow Guardians of the stones, yeah Hey.
[Chuckles.]
Hey, um, you guys sound great, but this is my wedding, so I really need you guys to play a song that isn't about your stones.
But we were just goofy nobodies until we found these magical stones, which transformed us into rocking heroes! Hoo-hoo Yeah, and that's great, but, um, today is about me and Josh, and you've been playing songs about stones for 90 minutes.
But our stones of power glow.
Look, next up is the father-daughter dance, so it is very important that you play something appropriate.
Get it? [Soft song begins.]
Look at you, my lovely Look at you, my little one Look at you, my sweet little Stone [Metal music resumes.]
Stone Protectors [Bleep.]
this! [Music stops.]
Stone bros, get off my [bleep.]
stage! Can someone with Pandora on their phone please come up to the stage? - Thank you, San Dimas High! - Bill and Ted out! [Crowd cheering.]
Yes! Wow! Oh, my God! How could anyone follow that? Hoo, hoo, hoo! Well, here with the last report of the day is Katie Hall.
Whoever said behind every great man was a great woman must have known First Lady Abigail Adams.
[Chuckles.]
Sorry, Morticia, but I think Abigail was the best Mrs.
Adams.
I can't listen to crappy jokes after the actual Napoleon - was just out here cracking my ass up! - Oh, wow! Here to tell you what she thinks of San Dimas, it's Abigail Adams.
Also known as my mom.
Oh, my God! Bill and Ted just did this concept but so much better! Get off the stage, Katie! Bill and Ted! Come on, guys.
[chanting.]
Bill and Ted! [Screams.]
Did somebody say our names? Tell me do you bleed? Before you answer, just know that I don't give a [bleep.]
J.
K.
I give so many [bleeps.]
Inside that bag are all the [bleep.]
I give.
It's empty.
[Thunder crashes.]
Darn it! I'll just run over to the [bleep.]
store.
It's open till 9:00.
Oh, no, it's 9:02! Enough with this silliness.
Your fight is not with me.
- There is a greater threat.
- Oh, look! A vending machine! And there's one [bleep.]
left.
All right, you're gonna check your pockets and say something like, "Oh, man, I don't have a dollar.
Looks like I can't give a [bleep.]
" So don't waste your time.
But I have a dollar.
[Thunder crashes.]
[Beeping.]
Oh, no! The [bleep.]
got stuck.
I cannot believe you went to all that effort just for this bit.
I'm out of here.
Got your [bleeps.]
here! - Fresh hot [bleep.]
two for a dollar! - No, no, no, he left, bro.
He's already gone.
When your crush takes you back, you be like [Gibbering.]
When your crush takes you back, you be like [Gibbering.]
When your crush takes you back, you be like [Gibbering.]
[whispers.]
Hey, I know this is Monday morning quarterbacking, but building a liquid metal version of the humping robot - was a really bad idea.
- But on the bright side, hiding in this factory was an even worse idea.
[Clanging.]
[Chainsaw whirring.]
[Crying.]
This isn't how I wanted to die.
This is exactly how I wanted you to die! Hi, I'm "Robot Chicken" co-head writer and executive producer Douglas Goldstein.
If Matt Senreich and Seth Green are the faces of the show, consider me the puppet master pulling their strings.
Uh, Mr.
Goldstein, did you get a chance - to look over the script that I gave you? - Yep, saw it.
Put it in the toilet 'cause that's where shit goes.
So for our season finale, we had an online vote.
Would you like to see a finale starring me or starring Matt and Seth? And the results are in.
[Buzzer.]
Maybe this will change your minds.
My finale involves me wearing a dope jacket from Wet Seal, kicking ass on a flying motorcycle and open-mouth kissing Christie Brinkley with my whole tongue.
[Buzzer.]
[Grunts.]
Hey, enjoy your same old Matt and Seth bullshit.
[Chainsaw whirring.]
Thanks, Robot Chicken! Looks like it's a happy ending.
Oh, no.
We have to destroy you? Wait, we have to be destroyed? Why? Hi, Matt and Seth.
It's Mike Feinberg, Adult Swim's lawyer.
Bad news.
The network's canceling "Robot Chicken.
" What? No.
We We've got a contract.
And it's non-compete clause clearly states that when your show is cancelled, the creators are lowered into a vat of molten metal.
Hey, I really can't get sued again after that intern class action.
In retrospect, making dick-out Thursdays mandatory was going too far.
[motorcycle whirrs.]
Aagh! Oh, wow! This feels kind of good, actually.
Like a Jacuzzi, except Oh, no! No, God, that's [bleep.]
hot! [Music.]
Uh, Doug, do I really have to wear this Halloween costume? Oh, yes, Christie Brinkley.
[Slobbering.]
Oh! Ugh! Geez! How does my freaking throat taste? Like prime grade-A Brinkley throat beef.
"Brinkley throat beef?" You told me I was gonna be in a "Vacation" sketch.
Is Chevy even here? I lied, baby.
It's what I do.
[Tires screech.]
We still doing dick-out Thursday? Well, it's already out, so Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.
[Theme music plays.]
[Whirring.]
MAN: It's alive! 2x19 - "The Angelic Sounds of Mike Giggling" [Thunder rumbles.]
- Care for some coconut milk? - Yeah, I'd love some.
Yeah, suck my nuts dry, girl.
Mmm! Yeah, suck the milk right out of my nuts! What are you looking at? You done it, too.
You've all sucked these nuts! [Laughs.]
Coconut tree wins at life! Fellow Renegades, today we shall destroy the Guardians once and for all! Ah, yeah, Screwhead gonna whip all the butts.
Screwhead a mean little Gobot.
Got a big old screw on his head.
Screwhead gonna be like pow, pow, smack, pow, pow knocking good guys down.
They all be like, "Who are you?" - And I'll be like, "Screwhead.
" - All right.
We are going to launch a surprise attack on the Guardian base! Ah, yeah! Screwhead gonna be like this Doop, dee, bop, doop, doop! Guardians be like, "What's that?" "Oh, it's just a car with a screw in the front.
" Then they be all relaxed and thinking I'm not Screwhead.
Then I'll be like bing, bang, bow, bow! Good guy runs into the other room all scared of Screwhead.
I knock on the door like, "Knock, knock.
" "Who's there?" "Not.
" "Not who?" "Not Screwhead.
" Then he open the door and be all like, "Uh-oh, Screwhead.
" Oh, Screwhead, let's cool it with the commentary.
We will attack in two teams.
I will command Team 1.
Team 2's leader will be Tank! Oh, snap! He say Screwhead! Heck yeah! Y'all be high-fiving Screwhead 'cause he be all leading Team 2.
Screwhead, I-I said Tank.
My bad.
Screwhead's not leading Team 2.
Tank is.
Love Tank.
Screwhead see Tank in the halls and be all, "S'up, Tank? How are you doing today?" Tank be like, "I'm good, Screwhead.
" I'll be like, "Okay.
" Oh [bleep.]
me.
I-I just couldn't with him, right? I-I mean We will remember Screw [mellow music.]
Will you screw-member him? CSI initial evaluation of Lois Lane murder scene.
[Both shuddering.]
Back of victim's head blown outwards, consistent with a firearm discharge in her mouth.
No powder burns visible.
[Gasps.]
Hold it together, Kent.
Blood spatter indicates low angle of trajectory.
Hmm.
No bullet holes.
Gun would have been about here when he fired.
- Putting her head about here.
- Higher.
Here? - Huh? Huh? - Oh, my God.
Could be the bastard made her get down and beg.
W-Well, I'll kill him myself! No, her expression reads as total surprise.
- She never saw it coming.
- Huh.
The chair's facing the TV.
Where they watching something? Announcer: You're watching the Blow Job Network.
[Gulps.]
Huh.
Is the Blow Job Network on C-Comcast? - Just asking for a friend.
- Any neighbor testimony? Yeah, old lady across the hall said she heard someone yell, "Here comes a super load," followed by a noise she described as, uh, "bear screaming into a megaphone.
" And then a cry of "Oh, my God, I've killed her.
" I don't know.
Call me crazy, but I think she might have been giving Thor a hand job.
That cheating bitch! She blew me in this chair just last night! - Uh, I mean, uh, yoink! - Hello, Comcast? Does my extended digital package cover the Blow Job Network? [Music.]
Max, what are you doing? - It looks like you have brain freeze.
- I'm doing Kegels.
Mmm.
Is that like a mix between a croissant and a bagel? [Snap.]
Uh-oh.
I think I just broke my vagina.
Man: We interrupt this program with breaking news.
A powerful 9.
2 earthquake has struck off the coast of Europe.
Now back to "2 Broke Girls," already in progress.
You're not going to bandage her labia? - Where'd you even go to school? - No, no, no, it will heal if she'll just leave it alone for a few days.
[Scoffs.]
That's like asking a fish not to swim.
Man: An update on the European quake.
A wall of water 90 feet high is expected to reach land within the hour.
Now, "2 Broke Girls.
" Oh, your soup's cold, lady? Well, guess what? I just broke my [Cat meows.]
Oh, my gosh.
Whose cat is that? Man: Ladies and gentlemen, Europe is now under water.
Millions of lives are presumed lost.
Please, pray for everyone affected by this tragedy.
And now back to "2 Broke Girls.
" Penis! [Music.]
Yeah, we're the Stone Protectors [Metal music.]
Our stones of power glow Guardians of the stones, yeah Hey.
[Chuckles.]
Hey, um, you guys sound great, but this is my wedding, so I really need you guys to play a song that isn't about your stones.
But we were just goofy nobodies until we found these magical stones, which transformed us into rocking heroes! Hoo-hoo Yeah, and that's great, but, um, today is about me and Josh, and you've been playing songs about stones for 90 minutes.
But our stones of power glow.
Look, next up is the father-daughter dance, so it is very important that you play something appropriate.
Get it? [Soft song begins.]
Look at you, my lovely Look at you, my little one Look at you, my sweet little Stone [Metal music resumes.]
Stone Protectors [Bleep.]
this! [Music stops.]
Stone bros, get off my [bleep.]
stage! Can someone with Pandora on their phone please come up to the stage? - Thank you, San Dimas High! - Bill and Ted out! [Crowd cheering.]
Yes! Wow! Oh, my God! How could anyone follow that? Hoo, hoo, hoo! Well, here with the last report of the day is Katie Hall.
Whoever said behind every great man was a great woman must have known First Lady Abigail Adams.
[Chuckles.]
Sorry, Morticia, but I think Abigail was the best Mrs.
Adams.
I can't listen to crappy jokes after the actual Napoleon - was just out here cracking my ass up! - Oh, wow! Here to tell you what she thinks of San Dimas, it's Abigail Adams.
Also known as my mom.
Oh, my God! Bill and Ted just did this concept but so much better! Get off the stage, Katie! Bill and Ted! Come on, guys.
[chanting.]
Bill and Ted! [Screams.]
Did somebody say our names? Tell me do you bleed? Before you answer, just know that I don't give a [bleep.]
J.
K.
I give so many [bleeps.]
Inside that bag are all the [bleep.]
I give.
It's empty.
[Thunder crashes.]
Darn it! I'll just run over to the [bleep.]
store.
It's open till 9:00.
Oh, no, it's 9:02! Enough with this silliness.
Your fight is not with me.
- There is a greater threat.
- Oh, look! A vending machine! And there's one [bleep.]
left.
All right, you're gonna check your pockets and say something like, "Oh, man, I don't have a dollar.
Looks like I can't give a [bleep.]
" So don't waste your time.
But I have a dollar.
[Thunder crashes.]
[Beeping.]
Oh, no! The [bleep.]
got stuck.
I cannot believe you went to all that effort just for this bit.
I'm out of here.
Got your [bleeps.]
here! - Fresh hot [bleep.]
two for a dollar! - No, no, no, he left, bro.
He's already gone.
When your crush takes you back, you be like [Gibbering.]
When your crush takes you back, you be like [Gibbering.]
When your crush takes you back, you be like [Gibbering.]
[whispers.]
Hey, I know this is Monday morning quarterbacking, but building a liquid metal version of the humping robot - was a really bad idea.
- But on the bright side, hiding in this factory was an even worse idea.
[Clanging.]
[Chainsaw whirring.]
[Crying.]
This isn't how I wanted to die.
This is exactly how I wanted you to die! Hi, I'm "Robot Chicken" co-head writer and executive producer Douglas Goldstein.
If Matt Senreich and Seth Green are the faces of the show, consider me the puppet master pulling their strings.
Uh, Mr.
Goldstein, did you get a chance - to look over the script that I gave you? - Yep, saw it.
Put it in the toilet 'cause that's where shit goes.
So for our season finale, we had an online vote.
Would you like to see a finale starring me or starring Matt and Seth? And the results are in.
[Buzzer.]
Maybe this will change your minds.
My finale involves me wearing a dope jacket from Wet Seal, kicking ass on a flying motorcycle and open-mouth kissing Christie Brinkley with my whole tongue.
[Buzzer.]
[Grunts.]
Hey, enjoy your same old Matt and Seth bullshit.
[Chainsaw whirring.]
Thanks, Robot Chicken! Looks like it's a happy ending.
Oh, no.
We have to destroy you? Wait, we have to be destroyed? Why? Hi, Matt and Seth.
It's Mike Feinberg, Adult Swim's lawyer.
Bad news.
The network's canceling "Robot Chicken.
" What? No.
We We've got a contract.
And it's non-compete clause clearly states that when your show is cancelled, the creators are lowered into a vat of molten metal.
Hey, I really can't get sued again after that intern class action.
In retrospect, making dick-out Thursdays mandatory was going too far.
[motorcycle whirrs.]
Aagh! Oh, wow! This feels kind of good, actually.
Like a Jacuzzi, except Oh, no! No, God, that's [bleep.]
hot! [Music.]
Uh, Doug, do I really have to wear this Halloween costume? Oh, yes, Christie Brinkley.
[Slobbering.]
Oh! Ugh! Geez! How does my freaking throat taste? Like prime grade-A Brinkley throat beef.
"Brinkley throat beef?" You told me I was gonna be in a "Vacation" sketch.
Is Chevy even here? I lied, baby.
It's what I do.
[Tires screech.]
We still doing dick-out Thursday? Well, it's already out, so Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.