Bewitched (1964) s08e20 Episode Script

Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Sam, the doorbell.
What do you suppose I do when you're not home to sound the alarm? Mrs.
Stephens? Yes.
My name is Maude Hickman.
I'm with the Board of Education.
Oh.
Come in.
Thank you.
Oh, sw Sweetheart? Uh, this is Mr.
Stephens.
This is Mrs.
Hickman.
She's with the Board of Education.
Oh.
It has come to our attention that you have a child of school age who is not enrolled in school.
It's true.
Tabitha isn't in school, but I've been tutoring her at home.
Oh, I see.
And what are your qualifications? Do you have a teaching certificate? No.
But I have a birth certificate.
SAMANTHA: Tabitha's.
It says that I'm her mother.
And I think those are pretty good qualifications.
But you have no formal training.
As a mother? You can make jokes if you like, but this is a serious matter.
You're in violation of the law, you know.
It's just that our little girl is unique.
She's not your run-of-the-mill child.
She has special talents, and we I did not come here to debate with you, Mrs.
Stephens.
Your child must be registered in school at once.
If she is not, a court order will be issued directing you to do so.
Is that clear? Yes, ma'am.
Good day.
Mrs.
Hickman? Yes? I'd like to ask you something.
Oh? How did you find out Tabitha wasn't in school? We have our ways.
Is one of them spying? I would say that getting the child out of this house for most of the day is probably the best thing that could happen to her.
[EXHALES HEAVILY.]
Sam, are you out of your tree? Well, I'm sorry.
But she made me furious and I had to get it off my chest.
Terrific.
Now will you kindly get it off her Okay, okay.
And now that the high jinks are over, what are we gonna do about this? I have a simple solution.
Oh? What's that? We don't have any other choice.
I will enroll Tabitha in school today.
Is Tabitha ready for school? Of course she's ready for school.
The question is, is school ready for Tabitha? ANNOUNCER: [.]
[.]
Tabitha, do you remember the promise you made to Daddy and me? How could I forget? You made me say it a hundred times.
I know, and I'm sorry, sweetheart.
But it's for your sake just as much as it is ours.
Okay, Mommy.
I'm to pay attention to the teacher, and I'm not supposed to fly.
No witchcraft of any kind.
Okay, Mommy.
All right.
MRS.
PEABODY: Children, Mrs.
Peabody's trying to concentrate.
Hold it down, please.
Excuse me.
Not now.
Back to your group.
Well, we don't have a group yet.
Please forgive me.
You're Mrs.
Stephens, right? And this is Tabitha.
I'm Mrs.
Peabody.
I was a little surprised when the office called.
Class is nearly half over.
I know, but they told us to get started immediately.
I see.
Well, Tabitha, this is activities period.
So why don't you join the terrarium group? What's a terrarium? Terrarium is that tank right over there where we keep the turtles and the frogs and the lizards.
Oh.
Thank you for bringing her in.
Um.
Would it be all right if I stayed a while? Stayed? You mean in class? Oh, no.
That's very poor, psychologically.
We don't wanna set up a dependency pattern.
Uh, we don't? Well, you see, this is Tabitha's first school experience, and I just thought I can understand your apprehension, Mrs.
Stephens, but it would be better if you didn't stay.
The trouble is, Tabitha's a very unusual child and it might take her a little while to get adjusted.
Mrs.
Stephens, through the years, I have learned that no child is essentially different from any other child.
Uh.
Yeah, well, uh, Tabitha is unusual in a very unusual way.
Believe me, you haven't a thing to worry about.
What kind of a dumb name is Tabitha? It's not a dumb name.
How come I've never heard it before? Because you never met anyone named Tabitha.
[GIRLS LAUGH.]
Charlton Rollnick Jr.
, you stop that.
A real problem child.
Fortunately, my only one.
Ha, ha.
You're lucky you only have one.
I hope it stays that way.
[FROGS CROAKING.]
Oh, um.
Will Tabitha take the bus, or will she walk home? Well, we only live a few blocks away but maybe the first day, I should pick her up.
Fine, and don't you worry about a thing.
I'll try.
All right, everybody.
Activities period is over.
Back to your seats.
Back so soon? I'm sorry.
I was, uh I was wondering.
Maybe it would be better to let Tabitha walk home.
We don't want to set up any dependency pattern.
That's up to you.
I'll just tell her.
I'll tell her.
Tabitha, come here.
Class, this is Tabitha Stephens.
Say hello to Tabitha.
ALL: Hello, Tabitha.
And this is Tabitha's mother, Mrs.
Stephens.
Say goodbye to Mrs.
Stephens.
ALL: Goodbye, Mrs.
Stephens.
Oh, that's all right.
I can take a hint.
A school doesn't have to fall on me.
Now, let's see.
Not much choice.
Tabitha, take that desk.
Yes, Mrs.
Peabody.
[FROG CROAKS.]
Tomorrow morning, we're going to give you your books and your crayons.
Thank you.
[CROAKS.]
MRS.
PEABODY: Now I'm going to continue reading to you from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
[FROG CROAKS.]
Apparently, one of you has seen fit to adopt our bullfrog.
Will the adoptive parent please stand up? [CROAKING.]
Tabitha, did you take the bullfrog? No, ma'am.
[CROAKS.]
Tabitha, there are lots of rules in this school.
But first and foremost, we do not tell a lie.
I didn't lie.
Tabitha, put the frog back where it belongs.
Yes, ma'am.
[CROAKS.]
Now, you remember, we left Alice just as she arrived at the mad tea party.
Ow! Apparently, we have a budding opera star in our midst.
Who was responsible for that? Tabitha, haven't you been taught not to interrupt someone when they're speaking? She certainly has.
Has Tabitha been misbehaving? I think it's just that she's not acquainted with our procedures yet.
You stop that, or I'll tell.
Just stop that whispering and settle down.
I, uh, suppose you're wondering why I came back.
Frankly, yes.
Well, I was thinking, maybe it would be better if Tabitha came home on the bus.
Whatever you say.
[BUZZING.]
Ah! Just what's going on back there? Her hair.
When I pulled it, I got a shock.
MRS.
PEABODY: I don't know what you're babbling about.
But what business did you have pulling her hair? Just because.
Just because of that, you'll stay after school tomorrow.
I'll send a note home to your parents.
MRS.
PEABODY: And speaking of parents, I thought you'd left.
Uh, I'm I'm sorry.
I won't be back.
Don't go to extremes.
We like to see you on Parents' Day.
And you're right.
It would be better if Tabitha walked home.
Bye-bye.
[BELL RINGS.]
Class dismissed.
Just because of you, I have to stay after school.
You'd better let go of me.
What if I don't, huh? What if I don't? You'll see, you big bully.
Me? Why, I wouldn't hurt a fly.
Maybe not, but you're going to love eating them, you You big bully frog.
[CROAKS.]
And don't forget the Tabitha.
You're the first frog freak I've ever met.
So I'm not just sure how to deal with you.
But let's begin by putting the frog back in the terrarium.
But this frog isn't the frog you think it is.
Tabitha, the terrarium.
[CROAKS.]
You heard me, Tabitha.
Put that frog back where it belongs.
But, honest, this frog isn't really a frog.
The frog isn't really a frog? I mean, he's a frog, but he really isn't.
Oh, stop this nonsense and put that frog back.
Yes, ma'am.
Tabitha, I realize this hasn't been a very good first day for you.
But I'm perfectly aware that it isn't entirely your fault.
Tabitha, will you look at me when I'm speaking to you? I'm sorry.
You're the product of an overprotective mother.
And I just wish Never mind.
My mommy's gonna wonder where I am.
I'd better run.
Goodbye.
Well, I must say I admire your cool.
It's only a five-minute walk from our house to school, which let out 15 minutes ago.
Darrin, you're being overly concerned.
As a matter of fact, here comes Tabitha now.
How do you know? How does she know? Oh, boy, I'm really wigging out.
Hi, Mommy.
Hi, Daddy.
Oh, hi, honey.
How was school? Oh, it's still there.
You see? I told you there was nothing to be worried about.
Well, I'd better, uh, get back to work.
Mommy, can I go play outside? Oh, sure.
You want a snack? Some milk and cookies? Yes, thank you.
In a minute.
[FROG CROAKING.]
Charlton, you're just being stubborn.
I'm trying to change you back.
Tabitha, where did you get that frog? Mommy, you'll never guess what happened.
Is that frog who I think he is? You're smart, Mommy.
You only needed one guess.
It's Charlton.
I thought you said you were gonna try and control yourself.
I tried and tried, honest.
But Charlton grabbed me after class and he kept twisting my arm and hurting me, so what could I do? You could have punched him in the nose or kicked him in the shins.
Anything would have been more ladylike.
The trouble is, I can't change him back.
What are we going to do? Well, the first thing we're going to do is not panic.
The second thing is call Charlton's mother.
She's probably worried sick.
Come on.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Yeah, hello? Uh.
Hello? Mrs.
Rollnick? Yeah.
Who's this? This is Mrs.
Stephens.
My little girl, Tabitha, is in the same class as your Charlton.
Okay.
Whatever he did to her, I'm sorry.
Uh, no.
No, no, that's not why I'm calling.
He and Tabitha were having such fun that Tabitha brought him here after school.
That darn kid.
He knows he's supposed to come straight home.
He's got a piano lesson at 3:30.
He'll do anything to get out of it.
Well, in that case, I'd be glad to drive him home.
No, no, I'll pick him up.
MRS.
ROLLNICK: What's your address there? But really, I'd be happy to Forget it, forget it.
I'll pick him up in 10 minutes.
Goodbye.
Tabitha, we have to work fast.
Now, Charlton's mother is coming to pick him up in 10 minutes.
Now, I want you to tell me everything that happened, step by step, and don't leave out a thing.
Well, after I changed Charlton into a bullfrog, Mrs.
Peabody made me put him in with the other frogs.
Then, later, when she wasn't looking That's it.
You picked up the wrong frog.
Oh, Mommy, you solved the whole problem.
Huh.
Certainly, I have.
When Charlton's mother comes, all I have to do is explain to her that her son, the frog, is safe in the terrarium at school.
Meanwhile, she can take this one home as a receipt.
That's silly, Mommy.
You're darn right, it's silly.
You look upset.
I couldn't possibly look as upset as I am.
But we haven't got time to discuss it now.
[FROG CROAKS.]
No wonder Tabitha couldn't tell you apart.
You're as alike as two frogs in a terrarium.
Well, I'm sorry, Charlton.
But you did ask for it.
What are you doing in here? Exchanging frogs.
Wait a minute.
Where are you going with that frog? That's school property.
Um.
No.
Not really.
You see, my little girl is in this class, and she left her pet frog.
And when I heard about it, instead of leaving the poor fellow here all night, I thought I'd just come and get him.
So you see, he really isn't school property.
You follow me? No.
But that's not the only thing I don't understand.
How did you get in here? Through the door.
But But the door was locked.
Let me ask you something.
When was the last time you had your glasses checked? I don't wear glasses.
Well, you should.
Then maybe you'd stop seeing things.
Excuse me.
[SNAPS.]
Where'd she? No question.
I gotta get me some glasses.
And a good psychiatrist.
Hi, I'm Mrs.
Rollnick.
Uh, who? Oh, uh, you must be Charlton's mother.
Right.
Who's Charlton? We weren't expecting you quite so soon.
Who's Charlton? Well, when I take Charlton to his piano lesson, I always have to allow a little extra time for kicking and screaming.
Where is he? Well, he's Who's Charlton? Well, sweetheart, he's a little friend of Tabitha's, uh, that she brought home from school.
They're out back, playing.
SAMANTHA: I'll get him.
Sam.
What? May I speak to you a moment? When? Now.
Oh.
Excuse me, Mrs.
Rollnick.
Uh.
Make yourself comfortable.
Thank you.
Sam, Tabitha did not come home with a little boy.
Darrin, you picked a most inopportune moment to bring that up.
Sam, I did not see a little boy with Tabitha.
That's because she had him in her pocket.
I know this is gonna be a silly question, but wouldn't that be a tight squeeze? Not if you've been turned into a frog.
[CROAKS.]
I knew that was a silly question.
I think I'll go in the den and watch my ulcer grow.
I'm sorry, Mrs.
Rollnick.
I'll get Charlton now.
Oh, thanks.
He's no bargain, but he's the only one we've got.
He's probably hiding.
That's what he's doing.
He'll do anything to get out of his piano lesson.
I think I can find him.
Don't waste your time.
I know how to smoke him out.
[YELLS.]
Charlton Rollnick! If you don't come out this very second you're not gonna watch any TV for three weeks, your allowance is gonna be cut in half, and you're gonna have to take two baths this week! Uh.
Y-Y-You mind if I try? Be my guest.
Charlton's mother sure is mean, isn't she? I'm sure she has her problems.
All right, now, Tabitha, do your thing.
You know, if I were Charlton, I think I'd rather stay a frog.
Well, you're not, so the choice isn't yours.
Go ahead.
How do you feel, Charlton? [CROAKS.]
Oh, my stars.
Tabitha, you didn't put quite enough zip in that zap.
Oh.
You found him, huh? How have you been, you little devil? [CROAKS.]
Don't you get fresh with your mother.
What are you trying to do, embarrass me in front of these nice people? [CROAKS.]
Did you ever hear such insolence? Wait till your father hears about this.
Now let's go.
Oh.
I I'm sure he didn't mean to be insolent.
Barking at his mother like a frog? What do you call that? Well, he knows you're angry.
Maybe he was just trying to amuse you.
Charlton? Huh? What happened? Where am I? MRS.
ROLLNICK: Charlton, will you quit stalling and come on? All right, Charlton, where were you? I was a bullfrog.
I'm serious.
Where were you? I was a bullfrog.
MRS.
ROLLNICK: All right, how did you become a bullfrog? She made me one.
Charlton, you've always been a rotten kid, except for one thing.
You never lied.
Now, where were you? I was a bullfrog.
Why does he keep saying that? Well, uh, maybe it's a case of ego identification.
Yeah.
What's that? Well, a bullfrog suggests bully, doesn't it? Yes.
Do you follow me? No.
Uh.
Children need love and understanding.
Without it, they sometimes become overly aggressive and turn into bullies.
Ah.
Charlton, did you really think you were a bullfrog? I was a bullfrog.
Love and understanding, Mrs.
Rollnick.
All right.
Charlton, dear, say goodbye and thank you to these nice people for having you over and then I've got a nice surprise for you.
Thank you for inviting me over.
What's the surprise? Well, first, you can forget about your piano lesson.
Really? And second, we're gonna stop at the ice cream parlor and get you a great big hot-fudge sundae with almonds on top.
And flies? Flies? Oh, ha, ha.
That's very funny, Charlton.
He has a delightful sense of humor.
He does? Oh, yeah, he does, doesn't he? [LAUGHING.]
Okay.
Well, goodbye.
It was a pleasure meeting you all.
Bye.
Say goodbye.
Well, we squeaked by that one.
What about the flies? Oh, I'm sure that'll wear off by tomorrow.
In the meantime, Mrs.
Rollnick can keep enjoying.
Charlton's delightful sense of humor.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Young lady, you have nothing to laugh about.
You started this whole mess.
Now, how are we gonna deal with you? I have an idea.
What's that? How about a little love and understanding? Why is it that I feel like the fox that's been cornered by the chicken? [LAUGHS.]
[.]