Bewitched (1964) s08e21 Episode Script

Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[.]
They're beautiful, Mommy.
Yes, they are, aren't they, sweetheart? Look at this.
Now, this is a button from George Washington's coat, just like that one.
TABITHA: Why did it fall off? [LAUGHS.]
I don't know.
Maybe Mrs.
Washington didn't sew too well.
Now, look at this.
This is a buckle from his shoe.
See? Which would be better to take to school? The buckle from George Washington's shoe, or the button from his coat? I think you better leave them both here.
They're much too valuable.
But next Monday's Washington's birthday, and today we're having show-and-tell.
Well, you could show the book, and tell the class that your Daddy collects Washington relics.
I guess so.
You finish getting ready for school.
I'll get Daddy's breakfast.
[.]
Okay, Mommy.
School days, school days Oh, those golden Fool days It's "rule days," Esmeralda.
Not me, honey.
I was a fool in school.
Oh, George Washington.
TABITHA: I sure wish I could take the real buckle and button to school for show-and-tell instead of this picture.
Everybody else will probably bring pictures.
And we don't wanna be like everybody else, do we? I'll tell you what.
If you promise to return them right after school I'll get you the buckle and the button.
But Mommy said I couldn't take Daddy's collection.
Oh, we won't touch your daddy's collection.
I'll zap them out of the book.
Then this afternoon after school I'll zap them right back again.
Oh, would you? [LAUGHS.]
Well, I may not be much of a witch, but I can positively do that.
I think.
Now Now, give me a little room.
[.]
Find the rhyme that goes with buckle.
Tuckle, wuckle, duckle, chuckle.
Come on, George, and look alive.
I begin to weary of this jive.
[.]
Anything happening? A whole lot.
Oh Am I mad? Oh, well, you have every right to be, Mr.
President.
I I just wanted your buckle and button.
Buckle and button.
But this is even better.
This is delayed battle fatigue from Valley Forge.
If I'm having hallucinations, I I think I should have them sitting down.
Oh, yes.
Here.
[.]
Oh, dear.
[NARRATOR READING ON-SCREEN TEXT.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
Was Tabitha very upset about not being able to take my collection to school? Oh, no, sweetheart, she understood.
[HORN HONKING.]
That's the bus.
Tabitha.
I heard it, Mommy.
Bye-bye, sweetheart.
Bye, Mommy.
Bye, Daddy.
Bye, honey.
Have a good day.
[.]
WASHINGTON: These are the times that try men's souls.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Who was that? I hate to guess.
Uh, sweetheart, why don't you go to the office and I'll find out what's up? [.]
Oh, I've got to reverse the spell.
I Find the rhyme that goes with buckle.
And then we'll have a little chuckle.
Or is it "knuckle"? Oh, dear, that doesn't even make sense.
Oh, Samantha.
I'm afraid we have a visitor.
Can't be.
Well, maybe it can't be But it is.
George Washington.
At your service, mistress.
I just wanted his buckle and button.
Now I understand.
Martha, awaken me.
Oh, uh, Mr.
President, you are not having a dream.
You're right, Martha, it's a nightmare.
Mr.
President, why don't you lie down and take a nap? Perhaps you'll awake refreshed.
For a character in a nightmare, you're very kind.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
Ah, you, get hopping on popping him back.
[.]
I guess you're wondering who's upstairs.
A little bit, yes.
You sure you wanna know? I'm sure I don't wanna know.
But eventually I'm gonna find out.
It might as well be now.
Well, it, uh It was an innocent little mistake.
Esmeralda was trying to zap George Washington's button and buckle out of the collector's book for Tabitha to take to school.
And instead she got George Washington.
George Washington.
Sam, go up and help her get rid of him.
Well, I can't do that.
A watched witch never remembers.
[.]
Oh.
There you are.
Perhaps you could tell me just where I am in this dream.
I tried to keep him upstairs, but I couldn't.
Oh, boy, am I some rotten witch.
I feel you have the advantage of me.
You seem to recognize me, yet I have no idea who you are, where I am, or for that matter, how I came to be here.
Well, sir, I'm Samantha Stephens, and this is my husband Darrin.
Mr.
President.
Pleasure.
Oh, well, I've never dreamed a home like this before.
What century is this? The 20th century, Mr.
President.
Impossible.
It's against the laws of nature.
Would I lie to George Washington? Ah, yet I must admit the surroundings are Are very strange.
Ah.
Well, there are devices in this room that I've never seen before.
Oh, no, no, no, this must be a dream.
I think I'll take a walk and clear my head.
No, no, no, Mr.
President, you-you can't go out.
Sir, this is my dream, and if I wish to go walking, I shall.
Mr.
President, I think maybe you should know the truth.
Won't you sit down? Yes, let's just After you, madam.
[.]
Uh, Esmeralda, why don't you go into the kitchen and work on the you-know-what? I'm going, I'm going.
The truth is, Mr.
President, that I am a witch.
So is Esmeralda, and she got you here by mistake.
A witch? Well, maybe her, but certainly not you.
Yes, Mr.
President, me.
That's impossible.
There are no such things as witches.
Well, I'm sorry, Mr.
President, but how else are you gonna explain what's happened? So this is the 20th century.
How fare the 13 states? We're 50 now.
Fifty? Imagine that.
What's happened to Betsy Ross's lovely flag? No, that's in a museum.
So they haven't forgotten us.
Oh, no.
No, as a matter of fact, you're known as the father of our country.
Your picture's on the one dollar bill.
Mm-hm.
Here, let me show you.
There.
See? What's this? Oh.
I must say, that is rather flattering.
I don't think they did you justice, sir.
Oh Ah, what's this? Uh, that's a five dollar bill.
WASHINGTON: And who is this bearded fellow? SAMANTHA: That's Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President.
Oh, well, he must have been a very fine President to have his name honored on a five dollar bill.
He was an excellent president, sir.
Better than me? Oh, I I wouldn't say that.
Then why is President Lincoln's name on a five dollar bill, while the father of his country is only on a one dollar bill? Uh, w Well, um, you see, more people can afford one dollar bills than five dollar bills, which means more people see your picture than Abraham Lincoln's.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, Mr.
President.
[PHONE RINGS.]
Excuse me.
[.]
Hello? Oh, hello, Larry.
No, of course I haven't left yet.
If I'd left yet, would I be talking to you? I'll tell you why I haven't left yet.
It's because next Monday the 21st, is George Washington's birthday.
And that's why.
And I'm paying homage to his memory.
And as soon as I'm through paying homage, I'll be there.
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
The green animal is talking.
It's called a telephone.
What is it? Uh, mostly it's a nuisance.
I'm leaving right away, Larry.
Goodbye.
Sir, you may be a very enlightened gentleman of the 20th century, but you're mistaken about my birthday.
It's not the 21st, it's the 22nd.
Yes, Mr.
President, that's another story.
Excuse me.
[.]
Sweetheart, you have just got to get to the office.
Yeah.
Are you sure you're gonna be all right? I promise.
Don't let him out of your sight.
Now, don't worry, I won't.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
It's been a pleasure, Mr.
President.
My pleasure, sir.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
[.]
What manner of beast is that? It's called an automobile.
Incredible.
The county's changed a lot since you were here.
C Come on, I'll show you.
Come on, this way.
Now, these are the 50 United States.
And here is Washington D.
C.
, the capital of the United States.
They saw fit to change the date of my birthday.
At least it's comforting to know they didn't change the name of the capital.
Things are looking better.
[LAUGHS.]
And this is the State of Washington.
A whole state named in my honor.
Imagine that.
Ah, my head is swimming from all this.
I I think I'd best sit down.
Are you sure you wouldn't like to lie down in the guest room? Oh, no, no, no, I'm too exhilarated.
But I could do with a brisk cup of tea.
Right away, Mr.
President.
[.]
Esmeralda, this is getting serious.
You have got to remember that incantation.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
[.]
Oh, it's just no use, Samantha.
I can't remember.
Well, all right, all right.
Uh, keep trying.
In the meantime, I better not keep the president waiting for his tea.
[.]
[GROANS.]
Mr.
President? General Washington.
[GASPS.]
Oh, no.
George? George? George? Oh, George.
[.]
George.
George.
Has he disappeared? Yes.
Oh, I knew I could do it.
He disappeared through the door.
Well, as long as he disappeared.
Esmeralda, hold down the fort.
[.]
Pardon me, sir.
Have you seen a man walking down the street dressed, uh, rather strangely? I don't think he was dressed strangely, considering he was George Washington.
Oh, then you did see him.
Did he say where he was going? Well, he was just wandering around surveying the neighborhood, as he put it.
I suggested he take a walk in the park.
My uncle hangs around there.
He thinks he's Thomas Jefferson.
I mean, maybe they got a lot in common.
You have no idea.
[.]
Father and I Went down to town Along with Captain Goodwin And there we see The men and boys As thick As hasty pudding Yankee doodle keep it up Yankee doodle dandy Mind the music And the steps And with the girls Be handy Man, that cat's far out.
Earlier, I stood here and listened to some of you explain what is going on in this country.
Things like assassinations, pollution, wars to end wars that don't end wars.
This does not please me.
You tell them, George.
Where is the voice of the people? Remember what my friend Tom Jefferson said: "What country can preserve its liberties "unless its rulers are warned from time to time that the people preserve the spirit of resistance.
" Okay, break it up, George.
George? You will refer to me as Mr.
President or General Washington.
Sorry, general, but, uh, you have to break it up.
And just what is it that you want me to break up? This rally.
Unless, of course, you have a park permit to speak.
The only permit I need is the Constitution of the United States.
CROWD: Hear, hear.
Hear, hear, hear.
Excuse me.
Have you seen a man in a costume come by here lately? I sure did.
He was singing "Yankee Doodle Dandy.
" Terrific.
I thought so.
Oh, he went that way.
[.]
Why don't you be a good fella and tell me where you escaped from? I have escaped from the past into the present and I must say that what I've seen so far does not please me.
But you're gonna break it up or you're under arrest.
Under the abstract theory of our government a person is entitled to resist illegal arrest.
We are allowed the right of free assembly under our Constitution.
Yeah, that's right.
Right on.
Uh, Mr.
President.
Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry, mistress.
I left your home without so much as by your leave.
But please stand aside, I am about to run this tyrant through.
Okay, pop, now, I've dealt with all kinds of hippies.
Now put that sword away.
I think I'm being insulted.
What is a hippie? Lady, are you responsible for this dodo? What did the dodo do? Uh What did he do? Well, he's inciting a riot, and threatening me with a dangerous weapon.
Well, officer, he belongs to me, and I think I can explain.
En garde, defend yourself.
He don't belong to you anymore, lady.
Now he belongs to me.
Come on, George.
Come on.
[.]
The charge is creating a disturbance, holding a meeting without a permit, assaulting an officer.
Bail is $2000.
How soon would the hearing be? The hearing will be in four weeks.
I protest.
The Constitution guarantees to every citizen the right of a speedy trial.
Sergeant, in view of the advanced age of the defendant, uh, couldn't we have the trial sooner? How old are you? Well, he's Two hundred and forty.
Four weeks.
Post your bail with the clerk.
I'm afraid you can take the man out of the 18th century, but you can't take the 18th century out of the man.
Well, Mr.
President, it wasn't your fault.
How could you have known? What has happened to this country that was founded on freedom? Does the Constitution still exist? The Bill of Rights? Yes, of course, Mr.
President.
Then why do the people not exercise their rights? Sometimes it's easier to be led than to lead.
And a great many of our citizens prefer to stand on the sidelines and ignore their rights, instead of defend them.
They're called the silent majority.
Experience has shown that mankind is more disposed to suffer evils while those evils are sufferable than to right themselves and abolish those abuses.
[SIGHS.]
Master Stephens, I'm looking forward to my day in court.
And you'll have it, Mr.
President.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow? I thought the hearing was to be in four weeks.
Well, I, uh, pulled a few strings and got them to move it up to tomorrow.
Oh.
Well, I hate to impose my problems on you, mistress, but would it be at all possible for you to bring John Adams out of the past and represent me in court? He's a very fine orator and I would feel I Um, I'm afraid I can't do that.
And besides, Mr.
President, uh, you won't need a lawyer in court.
I pulled a few more strings, and you'll have a hearing in the judge's chamber.
You seem to be very expert at pulling strings.
Sure you didn't resort to bribery? Oh, no, of course not, Mr.
President.
It's just that the charges are so absurd, we don't wanna take up the jury's time.
This does not please me.
The American people should know of this outrage.
Well, it's an outrage, all right, but, uh, they might get to know a little more than is good for them.
The truth, madam, never hurt anyone.
Look at it this way, Mr.
President.
Uh, I am a witch, and there aren't very many of us around.
We'd really prefer to remain the silent minority.
Oh, yes, I understand.
Even in the 20th century, people are not prepared to accept you? Well, I've heard your views, and I will take them into account.
May I use your study for tea and contemplation? Certainly, Mr.
President.
By your leave.
[.]
Backwards.
Say, maybe that's the answer.
I think I've got it.
Jive this of weary to begin.
I alive look George on come.
What is that supposed to be? That is supposed to be an incantation read backwards.
Hm.
Well, how's that gonna help? How's it gonna hurt? The President will have his tea in the den.
Good luck.
[.]
How come you witches can do anything but you can't come up with a witch psychiatrist for her? I'll bring that up at the next coven.
ESMERALDA: Eureka! [CRASHING.]
I did it.
I did it.
I'm almost proud of myself.
Esmeralda, even I'm proud of you.
He likes me? We all do.
I don't know what we'd do without you.
Don't answer that, Darrin.
Oh [.]
[.]
Oh, dear, dear.
A president without his shoes is like a lady without her powder puff.
Oh, now let's see.
Size 11, shoes of leather.
George needs you For the winter weather.
Well, he's gone.
And so is $2000 bail.
Like I said: "Cheap at twice the price.
" But I must admit one thing, though.
This has been an experience I'm happy to put behind me, but it's been one that I'll always cherish.
That's sweet.
[.]
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to do it.
I mean, I was only trying to help.
Well, a person could catch his death of cold without his shoes.
Esmeralda, what did you do? I was afraid you'd ask that.
When I zapped the president back, everything went except this shoes.
So I did another incantation to get his shoes to go back to him.
What happened? Well, I couldn't zap his shoes back.
Well, that's no tragedy.
I'm sure he has another pair of shoes.
He won't need them.
He came back to collect the ones he left behind.
He's back? But now he's got company.
What are you talking about? Well, I think I rhymed "life" with "wife.
" Esmeralda.
[.]
Martha, may I present our hosts, Master and Mistress Stephens.
George, forgive me for not believing your fanciful tale.
I should have known you could never tell a lie.
[.]
NARRATOR: Don't miss the further adventures of George Washington next week on Bewitched.
[.]