Bewitched (1964) s08e23 Episode Script
School Days, School Daze
Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[.]
Hi, sweetheart, I'm taking orders for breakfast.
Waffles, pancakes, eggs? Oh, just coffee for me.
I've got that breakfast meeting with Larry.
Well, I've got to get going myself.
I'm taking Tabitha to school half an hour early today.
Oh, yeah.
Today is the big day.
Is Tabitha nervous? Darrin, this isn't a test to see if she can get into Harvard.
It's just a test to see if she can skip to the second grade.
Buon giorno.
It's not so buon anymore.
It could get worse.
How could it get worse? You're already here.
Uh, is this going to take long? No.
All I want to know is, what is this I hear about school? Mother, it's not polite to eavesdrop.
I was not eavesdropping.
You mean the house is bugged.
ENDORA: Samantha.
Tell Durweed he's living dangerously when he uses the word "bug.
" It's giving me ideas.
Mother says you're I heard.
I heard.
[.]
Now, what's this about school? Simple.
Tabitha's started school.
Where? Towner's Elementary.
A mortal school? What's wrong with a mortal school? I went to one.
You've just answered your own question.
Samantha, I'm violently opposed to it.
As a grandmother, you are certainly entitled to your opinion.
And as a mother, I am entitled to ignore it.
How can you deprive Tabitha of the superior training that only a proper witches' finishing school can give her? Mother, knock it off.
[SIGHS.]
Very well.
I know when I'm not wanted.
Since when? [INAUDIBLE SPEECH.]
[SIGHS.]
Hi, Grandmamma.
"Hi, Grandmamma.
" Is that the best you can do after I've come halfway around the world for one of your smiles? Not that kind of smile.
It's the best I can do, Grandmamma.
What's wrong, my precious? School.
I have to take a test.
They want to see if I'm smart enough to go into the second grade.
Of course you're smart enough.
Do you doubt it? I don't know.
I never took a test before.
Listen to your grandmamma.
You are going to pass magna cum laude.
Give her knowledge Oh ye muses.
All the knowledge That she chooses.
Aristotle, Shakespeare, Plato All the languages in NATO.
Science back to Galileo.
Medicine From the brothers Mayo.
You'll know it all From A to Z.
Awake now My little chickadee.
SAMANTHA: It's time for school, sweetheart.
Coming, Mother.
You coming, Grandmamma? No, I think I'd better be going.
[GIGGLES.]
[.]
[MAN READING ON-SCREEN TEXT.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
Now, Tabitha, this is a very important examination.
So you don't want to rush it.
There are 30 questions.
Answer them the best you can.
Yes, ma'am.
All right.
Begin.
[.]
Mrs.
Stephens.
The examination should take about 20 minutes to complete.
We have our coffee set up here.
I hate to leave her alone.
It's her first test.
Sorry.
It must be taken in private.
Would you care for cream and sugar? No.
No coffee, thank you.
I'm nervous enough.
Mrs.
Stephens, there's no reason to be nervous.
I'm sure Tabitha will do very well.
I'm finished.
Oh, that's fine, Tabitha.
Now go on to the second one.
I've finished it all, Mrs.
Peabody.
See, I filled in all the spaces.
Sweetheart, the idea of the test isn't just to fill in the blanks willy-nilly.
First you must study the problem, then answer.
But I did.
You did? [.]
She did.
Why, this is impossible.
She's answered every question correctly.
Does that mean I can skip to the second grade? Every one right in less than 30 seconds.
This must be some kind of a world record.
Mrs.
Stephens, Tabitha is a gifted child.
Oh, please don't say that, Mrs.
Peabody.
She's a perfectly normal child.
I suspect she's had some tutoring from her grandmamma.
No, there is no way to prepare for this kind of an examination.
She seems to be particularly adept in mathematics.
It's a snap.
Can you do long division? I can try.
[.]
Incredible.
And she did it all in her head.
Mrs.
Stephens, do you have any mathematical prodigies in your family? Well, her grandmother's pretty good at it.
Maybe she passed it on to Tabitha.
Why didn't you tell us when you registered her that she had this special talent? Well, we didn't want her to get any special attention.
Does that mean she's going to be able to move up to the second grade? Second grade? Mrs.
Stephens, Tabitha is a genius.
I want her to meet our principal, Mr.
Roland.
This is my pupil, Tabitha, and her mother, Mrs.
Stephens.
How do you do? How do you do? This child has just completed this test in 30 seconds with a score of 100 percent.
I don't believe it.
Who cribbed her? Her grandmother.
Can we go now? Oh, no, Mr.
Roland.
My tests are all top-secret.
There's no way anyone can prepare for them.
Now, watch this.
Tabitha, I want you to add up 49, A thousand thirteen.
One thousand thirteen.
What is this? Some kind of a trick? That's right.
It's a trick.
It has nothing to do with her intelligence.
Now, if you'll excuse us, she has an appointment with her grandmother.
I did not give you permission to leave the room.
So you're some kind of little Albert Einstein, are you? Believe me, she is no Einstein.
Oh, you're right, Mrs.
Stephens.
Einstein's genius didn't appear until he was much older.
But you do know who Albert Einstein was, don't you? Oh, yes.
The theory of relativity.
Tabitha, it's impolite to show off.
What do you know about the theory of relativity? Nothing.
Everything.
It discards the concept of time and space as absolute entities and views them as relative to moving frames of reference.
That's incredible.
Incredible, Mr.
Roland, but true.
Oh, what a pretty picture.
MRS.
PEABODY: That's Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa.
It's Salaino's Mona Lisa, painted in the 16th century.
No, Tabitha, Leonardo da Mrs.
Peabody, Salaino.
This is scary.
Even the head of my art department didn't know that.
Well, uh, we take her to art galleries a lot.
As a matter of fact, we're late for a gallery right now.
You know something? That child frightens me.
True nobility is exempt from fear.
That's Shakespeare.
Do you know Shakespeare? Of course she doesn't read Shakespeare.
No, I don't read Shakespeare.
Then how did you know that quotation? I don't know, but I know it.
I know everything.
Except how to be modest.
Tabitha, will you wait out in the outer office for a moment? I want to talk to your mother privately.
Yes, Mr.
Roland.
Well, Mrs.
Stephens, I don't have to tell you, your child's an intellectual prodigy.
Well, I know what you're thinking, Mr.
Roland, and I wish you'd forget it.
Tabitha is going into the second grade, and that's as far as she is going.
But she's a mental giant.
Well, maybe she'll grow out of it.
I repeat.
The second grade.
Now, do I have your promise? As you wish, Mrs.
Stephens.
If you'll excuse me, I think I'll take Tabitha home.
This excitement's been a little bit too much for me.
Uh, her.
Uh, us.
[MUTTERS.]
[.]
Eye of eagle Spleen of lizard You don't need a spell to get me here, darling.
A mother's heart knows when her child needs her.
Mother, to say that you are impossible, willful and exasperating does not begin to express how mad I am.
Thank you.
Did Tabitha make the second grade? She's more apt to make the cover of Time if you don't take that spell off.
You want me to turn her into a dumb-dumb? Tabitha is not a dumb-dumb.
She's a normal Who was worried about getting into the second grade.
Oh, the thought of it sickens me.
Mother, I know that deep down, beneath all that mischief, you mean well.
But the mortal world just isn't ready for our kind, and until it is, we want Tabitha to lead a normal life.
So, please, take that spell off.
Very well.
Tabitha, forgive her.
She knows not what she makes me do.
Everything you know From A to Z.
I hereby take Away from thee.
You'll know the things A child should know.
But to your grandmamma It's quite a blow.
Well, I'll be going.
Good.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
[.]
Mrs.
Peabody.
Oh, I'm so glad to find you home, Mrs.
Stephens.
I want to talk to you about your daughter.
I'm sorry, I'm a little busy, so I'm busy too, Mrs.
Stephens.
Busy writing an article about your daughter.
Article? For the Scholastic Monthly.
One day, Mrs.
Stephens, this could be a shrine.
Interesting.
Mrs.
Peabody, when you barge in here uninvited, you do a thing more courageous than you think.
Forgive me, Mrs.
Stephens.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
I certainly hope so.
Where is the little genius? She's out on the patio playing with her little brother, and that is where she is going to stay.
Mrs.
Peabody, I thought I made it perfectly clear that I did not want any publicity on Tabitha's so-called talent.
The Scholastic Monthly is hardly LIFE magazine, Mrs.
Stephens.
The answer is still no, Mrs.
Peabody.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I happen to be busy.
Well, I guess I'll just have to wait until class tomorrow.
Tabitha is under strict orders to answer no questions except those out of the second grade reader.
Good day.
Good day.
[.]
Okay, Adam, now catch the ball.
Now throw it to me.
I don't want to play anymore.
Come on, Adam, throw it to me.
No.
Tabitha, help me finish my castle.
[.]
That's a dumb-looking castle.
Now that's a castle.
That's impossible.
[.]
Hello, Tabitha, is this your little brother? Oh, hello, Mrs.
Peabody.
Yes, this is Adam.
How do you do, Adam? What a beautiful castle.
Where did it come from? Oh, it's just something I made up.
How did you make it up? Please don't ask me, Mrs.
Peabody.
I'm not allowed to tell.
Tell what? That she's a witch.
There's no such thing as witches.
Okay.
Mrs.
Peabody.
Tabitha, why don't you take Adam upstairs and play? Yes, Mommy.
Come on, Adam.
[.]
Mrs.
Peabody, as a teacher, you should certainly know the meaning of the word "trespassing.
" It's a little late for formalities, Mrs.
Stephens.
Can you explain where that castle came from? Yes, I suppose I could if I wanted to, but I don't.
Who are you people? What are you people? I don't know what you're talking about.
We're just law-abiding citizens, which, at the moment, is more than I can say for you.
From what planet? I beg your pardon? Mrs.
Stephens, I've seen your children at play.
Balls floating in the air, blocks turning into castles.
I've stumbled onto something much bigger than a child's IQ.
I'm going straight to the authorities.
If you people are visitors from outer space, I think perhaps the FBI should know about it.
Very well, Mrs.
Peabody.
You force me to tell you the truth.
Because if you are going to blab to the authorities, you might as well have your facts straight.
We are not from outer space.
I am a witch.
That's what the little boy said, but you don't expect me to believe that, do you? Well, it might be a whole lot easier on you if you did.
But I don't.
I know you're from outer space.
Let me put it another way.
You are barking up the wrong tree.
As I said, I am a witch.
You are a witch.
And I am not going to repeat myself, so please take notes.
Oh, yes.
Do you happen to have a pencil? One pencil, coming up.
How did you do that? We're not allowed to tell.
I'm not sure I want to know.
You're looking a little pale, Mrs.
Peabody.
Would you like some water? Desperately.
Oh! I think I've had just about all I can digest for one day.
Mrs.
Peabody, I only told you these things because you came snooping around.
And I think it's only fair to warn you that if you tell anyone, well, they'll just think you're You underestimate me, Mrs.
Stephens.
I have a reputation for being not only a fine teacher, but a person with sound emotional balance.
Good day.
[.]
Good luck.
Well, what do you think? I'll tell you what I think, Mrs.
Peabody.
I think you're ready for a year's sabbatical, maybe a permanent one.
Everything that I've told you is the truth.
She wiggled her nose and put you up in a tree, hm? Like this: Charming.
You know, you're wasting your talents as a teacher, Mrs.
Peabody.
With your imagination, you should be a writer.
You don't believe me, do you? Mrs.
Peabody, may I suggest you take your year's sabbatical at your friendly neighborhood sanitarium? Mr.
Roland, you've always been a fair man.
Do you have the courage to come with me to the Stephens home so that I can prove to you that everything I've told you is fact? Have you got the number or shall I look it up in the yellow pages under "witches"? In this situation, a phone call is unwise.
A surprise attack is in order.
Hm.
[.]
Sam, I'm home.
Hi.
How'd it go today? Tabitha make it into the second grade? Easy.
That's good.
Uh, no, that's bad.
What do you mean? How would you like a drink? Eh, Sam.
Just give me the news without the anesthetic.
Well, the good news is that she made it into the second grade.
You told me that.
What about the bad news? She did especially well in math.
What's so bad about that? The reason she did well in math is, uh, Mother put a spell on her.
I'll take that drink now.
The spell also included algebra, advanced trigonometry, physics, the complete works of Shakespeare Oh, boy.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
I'll I'll get it.
[.]
Oh, uh, Mrs.
Peabody, Mr.
Roland.
How do you do? I certainly didn't expect to see you two.
Good evening.
As long as you're here, please come in.
Thank you.
Sweetheart, this is Mr.
Roland, the principal of the school, and this is Mrs.
Peabody, Tabitha's teacher.
I hope one day to be known as Tabitha's biographer.
Uh, how do you do? Uh, please, sit down.
Thank you.
And, uh, how is Tabitha? Oh, the little witch is just fine.
Uh, Sam, may I speak to you privately? Of course.
Would you like a drink? No, thank you.
No, thank you.
Excuse us.
[.]
Sam, have you lost your mind? Shh.
I have an idea.
Just go along with it.
What's that? That's our bag of tricks.
[.]
Mr.
Roland, Mrs.
Peabody, excuse us, but I just had to explain to Darrin that I told Mrs.
Peabody the truth about us this afternoon.
Would you like a drink, sweetheart? Uh, yes, thank you.
Coming right up.
See what I mean? That little number comes in handy if you happen to be passing through a dry state.
[.]
May I see that glass, please? Oh, it's just an ordinary glass.
Well, that one's a little rusty.
She didn't do with rubber bands earlier.
Well, that's correct, Mrs.
Peabody.
This afternoon I did it with magic.
Would you mind telling me what this is all about? Well, I've already told Mrs.
Peabody.
I'm a witch, and this is my mortal husband.
Oh, come on, Mrs.
Stephens.
All right, I'll prove it to you.
Excuse me.
I have to get something out of this trunk.
[.]
Mrs.
Peabody, would you come here a moment? MRS.
PEABODY: I don't believe it.
What sort of a game are you playing? Well, it's no game.
We need the practice in case vaudeville ever comes back.
Well, why the elaborate hoax on this poor, unfortunate woman? Just teaching the teacher a lesson.
Mrs.
Peabody invaded our privacy.
She just got what people get when they snoop.
Would you like her apology in writing? Maybe 500 times would be in order.
No, a simple "I'm sorry" will do.
Say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
First, there's something that happened this afternoon that I just don't understand.
One minute we were standing out there talking, and the next minute I was sitting up in that tree.
Well, that seems a little incredible.
Yeah, say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
Sam, how many times have I warned you about doing that tree bit? Oh, I I know.
I just blew my cool.
Say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
How on earth do you ever do that trick? If you think that's something, I once saw a magician saw a woman in half.
Now, say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
And how do you explain Tabitha's genius? Well, explain Einstein's or Beethoven's or Thomas Edison's.
Say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
I'm sorry.
But she's still a witch.
Have a good day, Mr.
and Mrs.
Stephens.
Come along, Mrs.
Peabody.
Good night.
You really are a witch, you know.
You gonna spread the word? What? And wind up in a padded cell? Well, if it's a padded cell for two, who cares? [.]
[.]
[.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
SAMANTHA: Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Everything go all right at school today? Oh, just fine.
Except Mrs.
Peabody is taking a little vacation.
Uh-oh.
Well, she was due a sabbatical.
They just advanced the date a little.
I could use a little sabbatical myself from your mother and her constant interference.
Sweetheart, I have a terrific surprise for you.
I had a long talk with Mother, and she agreed she shouldn't have interfered.
You mean, Hard-hearted Hannah actually admitted she was wrong? I told her you wouldn't believe it.
So she agreed to write it 500 times.
You're kidding.
[.]
How about that? DARRIN: Incredible.
Are you sure that's 500 times? Terrific.
Well, the first 250 promises are always the toughest.
[.]
[.]
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[.]
Hi, sweetheart, I'm taking orders for breakfast.
Waffles, pancakes, eggs? Oh, just coffee for me.
I've got that breakfast meeting with Larry.
Well, I've got to get going myself.
I'm taking Tabitha to school half an hour early today.
Oh, yeah.
Today is the big day.
Is Tabitha nervous? Darrin, this isn't a test to see if she can get into Harvard.
It's just a test to see if she can skip to the second grade.
Buon giorno.
It's not so buon anymore.
It could get worse.
How could it get worse? You're already here.
Uh, is this going to take long? No.
All I want to know is, what is this I hear about school? Mother, it's not polite to eavesdrop.
I was not eavesdropping.
You mean the house is bugged.
ENDORA: Samantha.
Tell Durweed he's living dangerously when he uses the word "bug.
" It's giving me ideas.
Mother says you're I heard.
I heard.
[.]
Now, what's this about school? Simple.
Tabitha's started school.
Where? Towner's Elementary.
A mortal school? What's wrong with a mortal school? I went to one.
You've just answered your own question.
Samantha, I'm violently opposed to it.
As a grandmother, you are certainly entitled to your opinion.
And as a mother, I am entitled to ignore it.
How can you deprive Tabitha of the superior training that only a proper witches' finishing school can give her? Mother, knock it off.
[SIGHS.]
Very well.
I know when I'm not wanted.
Since when? [INAUDIBLE SPEECH.]
[SIGHS.]
Hi, Grandmamma.
"Hi, Grandmamma.
" Is that the best you can do after I've come halfway around the world for one of your smiles? Not that kind of smile.
It's the best I can do, Grandmamma.
What's wrong, my precious? School.
I have to take a test.
They want to see if I'm smart enough to go into the second grade.
Of course you're smart enough.
Do you doubt it? I don't know.
I never took a test before.
Listen to your grandmamma.
You are going to pass magna cum laude.
Give her knowledge Oh ye muses.
All the knowledge That she chooses.
Aristotle, Shakespeare, Plato All the languages in NATO.
Science back to Galileo.
Medicine From the brothers Mayo.
You'll know it all From A to Z.
Awake now My little chickadee.
SAMANTHA: It's time for school, sweetheart.
Coming, Mother.
You coming, Grandmamma? No, I think I'd better be going.
[GIGGLES.]
[.]
[MAN READING ON-SCREEN TEXT.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
Now, Tabitha, this is a very important examination.
So you don't want to rush it.
There are 30 questions.
Answer them the best you can.
Yes, ma'am.
All right.
Begin.
[.]
Mrs.
Stephens.
The examination should take about 20 minutes to complete.
We have our coffee set up here.
I hate to leave her alone.
It's her first test.
Sorry.
It must be taken in private.
Would you care for cream and sugar? No.
No coffee, thank you.
I'm nervous enough.
Mrs.
Stephens, there's no reason to be nervous.
I'm sure Tabitha will do very well.
I'm finished.
Oh, that's fine, Tabitha.
Now go on to the second one.
I've finished it all, Mrs.
Peabody.
See, I filled in all the spaces.
Sweetheart, the idea of the test isn't just to fill in the blanks willy-nilly.
First you must study the problem, then answer.
But I did.
You did? [.]
She did.
Why, this is impossible.
She's answered every question correctly.
Does that mean I can skip to the second grade? Every one right in less than 30 seconds.
This must be some kind of a world record.
Mrs.
Stephens, Tabitha is a gifted child.
Oh, please don't say that, Mrs.
Peabody.
She's a perfectly normal child.
I suspect she's had some tutoring from her grandmamma.
No, there is no way to prepare for this kind of an examination.
She seems to be particularly adept in mathematics.
It's a snap.
Can you do long division? I can try.
[.]
Incredible.
And she did it all in her head.
Mrs.
Stephens, do you have any mathematical prodigies in your family? Well, her grandmother's pretty good at it.
Maybe she passed it on to Tabitha.
Why didn't you tell us when you registered her that she had this special talent? Well, we didn't want her to get any special attention.
Does that mean she's going to be able to move up to the second grade? Second grade? Mrs.
Stephens, Tabitha is a genius.
I want her to meet our principal, Mr.
Roland.
This is my pupil, Tabitha, and her mother, Mrs.
Stephens.
How do you do? How do you do? This child has just completed this test in 30 seconds with a score of 100 percent.
I don't believe it.
Who cribbed her? Her grandmother.
Can we go now? Oh, no, Mr.
Roland.
My tests are all top-secret.
There's no way anyone can prepare for them.
Now, watch this.
Tabitha, I want you to add up 49, A thousand thirteen.
One thousand thirteen.
What is this? Some kind of a trick? That's right.
It's a trick.
It has nothing to do with her intelligence.
Now, if you'll excuse us, she has an appointment with her grandmother.
I did not give you permission to leave the room.
So you're some kind of little Albert Einstein, are you? Believe me, she is no Einstein.
Oh, you're right, Mrs.
Stephens.
Einstein's genius didn't appear until he was much older.
But you do know who Albert Einstein was, don't you? Oh, yes.
The theory of relativity.
Tabitha, it's impolite to show off.
What do you know about the theory of relativity? Nothing.
Everything.
It discards the concept of time and space as absolute entities and views them as relative to moving frames of reference.
That's incredible.
Incredible, Mr.
Roland, but true.
Oh, what a pretty picture.
MRS.
PEABODY: That's Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa.
It's Salaino's Mona Lisa, painted in the 16th century.
No, Tabitha, Leonardo da Mrs.
Peabody, Salaino.
This is scary.
Even the head of my art department didn't know that.
Well, uh, we take her to art galleries a lot.
As a matter of fact, we're late for a gallery right now.
You know something? That child frightens me.
True nobility is exempt from fear.
That's Shakespeare.
Do you know Shakespeare? Of course she doesn't read Shakespeare.
No, I don't read Shakespeare.
Then how did you know that quotation? I don't know, but I know it.
I know everything.
Except how to be modest.
Tabitha, will you wait out in the outer office for a moment? I want to talk to your mother privately.
Yes, Mr.
Roland.
Well, Mrs.
Stephens, I don't have to tell you, your child's an intellectual prodigy.
Well, I know what you're thinking, Mr.
Roland, and I wish you'd forget it.
Tabitha is going into the second grade, and that's as far as she is going.
But she's a mental giant.
Well, maybe she'll grow out of it.
I repeat.
The second grade.
Now, do I have your promise? As you wish, Mrs.
Stephens.
If you'll excuse me, I think I'll take Tabitha home.
This excitement's been a little bit too much for me.
Uh, her.
Uh, us.
[MUTTERS.]
[.]
Eye of eagle Spleen of lizard You don't need a spell to get me here, darling.
A mother's heart knows when her child needs her.
Mother, to say that you are impossible, willful and exasperating does not begin to express how mad I am.
Thank you.
Did Tabitha make the second grade? She's more apt to make the cover of Time if you don't take that spell off.
You want me to turn her into a dumb-dumb? Tabitha is not a dumb-dumb.
She's a normal Who was worried about getting into the second grade.
Oh, the thought of it sickens me.
Mother, I know that deep down, beneath all that mischief, you mean well.
But the mortal world just isn't ready for our kind, and until it is, we want Tabitha to lead a normal life.
So, please, take that spell off.
Very well.
Tabitha, forgive her.
She knows not what she makes me do.
Everything you know From A to Z.
I hereby take Away from thee.
You'll know the things A child should know.
But to your grandmamma It's quite a blow.
Well, I'll be going.
Good.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
[.]
Mrs.
Peabody.
Oh, I'm so glad to find you home, Mrs.
Stephens.
I want to talk to you about your daughter.
I'm sorry, I'm a little busy, so I'm busy too, Mrs.
Stephens.
Busy writing an article about your daughter.
Article? For the Scholastic Monthly.
One day, Mrs.
Stephens, this could be a shrine.
Interesting.
Mrs.
Peabody, when you barge in here uninvited, you do a thing more courageous than you think.
Forgive me, Mrs.
Stephens.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
I certainly hope so.
Where is the little genius? She's out on the patio playing with her little brother, and that is where she is going to stay.
Mrs.
Peabody, I thought I made it perfectly clear that I did not want any publicity on Tabitha's so-called talent.
The Scholastic Monthly is hardly LIFE magazine, Mrs.
Stephens.
The answer is still no, Mrs.
Peabody.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I happen to be busy.
Well, I guess I'll just have to wait until class tomorrow.
Tabitha is under strict orders to answer no questions except those out of the second grade reader.
Good day.
Good day.
[.]
Okay, Adam, now catch the ball.
Now throw it to me.
I don't want to play anymore.
Come on, Adam, throw it to me.
No.
Tabitha, help me finish my castle.
[.]
That's a dumb-looking castle.
Now that's a castle.
That's impossible.
[.]
Hello, Tabitha, is this your little brother? Oh, hello, Mrs.
Peabody.
Yes, this is Adam.
How do you do, Adam? What a beautiful castle.
Where did it come from? Oh, it's just something I made up.
How did you make it up? Please don't ask me, Mrs.
Peabody.
I'm not allowed to tell.
Tell what? That she's a witch.
There's no such thing as witches.
Okay.
Mrs.
Peabody.
Tabitha, why don't you take Adam upstairs and play? Yes, Mommy.
Come on, Adam.
[.]
Mrs.
Peabody, as a teacher, you should certainly know the meaning of the word "trespassing.
" It's a little late for formalities, Mrs.
Stephens.
Can you explain where that castle came from? Yes, I suppose I could if I wanted to, but I don't.
Who are you people? What are you people? I don't know what you're talking about.
We're just law-abiding citizens, which, at the moment, is more than I can say for you.
From what planet? I beg your pardon? Mrs.
Stephens, I've seen your children at play.
Balls floating in the air, blocks turning into castles.
I've stumbled onto something much bigger than a child's IQ.
I'm going straight to the authorities.
If you people are visitors from outer space, I think perhaps the FBI should know about it.
Very well, Mrs.
Peabody.
You force me to tell you the truth.
Because if you are going to blab to the authorities, you might as well have your facts straight.
We are not from outer space.
I am a witch.
That's what the little boy said, but you don't expect me to believe that, do you? Well, it might be a whole lot easier on you if you did.
But I don't.
I know you're from outer space.
Let me put it another way.
You are barking up the wrong tree.
As I said, I am a witch.
You are a witch.
And I am not going to repeat myself, so please take notes.
Oh, yes.
Do you happen to have a pencil? One pencil, coming up.
How did you do that? We're not allowed to tell.
I'm not sure I want to know.
You're looking a little pale, Mrs.
Peabody.
Would you like some water? Desperately.
Oh! I think I've had just about all I can digest for one day.
Mrs.
Peabody, I only told you these things because you came snooping around.
And I think it's only fair to warn you that if you tell anyone, well, they'll just think you're You underestimate me, Mrs.
Stephens.
I have a reputation for being not only a fine teacher, but a person with sound emotional balance.
Good day.
[.]
Good luck.
Well, what do you think? I'll tell you what I think, Mrs.
Peabody.
I think you're ready for a year's sabbatical, maybe a permanent one.
Everything that I've told you is the truth.
She wiggled her nose and put you up in a tree, hm? Like this: Charming.
You know, you're wasting your talents as a teacher, Mrs.
Peabody.
With your imagination, you should be a writer.
You don't believe me, do you? Mrs.
Peabody, may I suggest you take your year's sabbatical at your friendly neighborhood sanitarium? Mr.
Roland, you've always been a fair man.
Do you have the courage to come with me to the Stephens home so that I can prove to you that everything I've told you is fact? Have you got the number or shall I look it up in the yellow pages under "witches"? In this situation, a phone call is unwise.
A surprise attack is in order.
Hm.
[.]
Sam, I'm home.
Hi.
How'd it go today? Tabitha make it into the second grade? Easy.
That's good.
Uh, no, that's bad.
What do you mean? How would you like a drink? Eh, Sam.
Just give me the news without the anesthetic.
Well, the good news is that she made it into the second grade.
You told me that.
What about the bad news? She did especially well in math.
What's so bad about that? The reason she did well in math is, uh, Mother put a spell on her.
I'll take that drink now.
The spell also included algebra, advanced trigonometry, physics, the complete works of Shakespeare Oh, boy.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
I'll I'll get it.
[.]
Oh, uh, Mrs.
Peabody, Mr.
Roland.
How do you do? I certainly didn't expect to see you two.
Good evening.
As long as you're here, please come in.
Thank you.
Sweetheart, this is Mr.
Roland, the principal of the school, and this is Mrs.
Peabody, Tabitha's teacher.
I hope one day to be known as Tabitha's biographer.
Uh, how do you do? Uh, please, sit down.
Thank you.
And, uh, how is Tabitha? Oh, the little witch is just fine.
Uh, Sam, may I speak to you privately? Of course.
Would you like a drink? No, thank you.
No, thank you.
Excuse us.
[.]
Sam, have you lost your mind? Shh.
I have an idea.
Just go along with it.
What's that? That's our bag of tricks.
[.]
Mr.
Roland, Mrs.
Peabody, excuse us, but I just had to explain to Darrin that I told Mrs.
Peabody the truth about us this afternoon.
Would you like a drink, sweetheart? Uh, yes, thank you.
Coming right up.
See what I mean? That little number comes in handy if you happen to be passing through a dry state.
[.]
May I see that glass, please? Oh, it's just an ordinary glass.
Well, that one's a little rusty.
She didn't do with rubber bands earlier.
Well, that's correct, Mrs.
Peabody.
This afternoon I did it with magic.
Would you mind telling me what this is all about? Well, I've already told Mrs.
Peabody.
I'm a witch, and this is my mortal husband.
Oh, come on, Mrs.
Stephens.
All right, I'll prove it to you.
Excuse me.
I have to get something out of this trunk.
[.]
Mrs.
Peabody, would you come here a moment? MRS.
PEABODY: I don't believe it.
What sort of a game are you playing? Well, it's no game.
We need the practice in case vaudeville ever comes back.
Well, why the elaborate hoax on this poor, unfortunate woman? Just teaching the teacher a lesson.
Mrs.
Peabody invaded our privacy.
She just got what people get when they snoop.
Would you like her apology in writing? Maybe 500 times would be in order.
No, a simple "I'm sorry" will do.
Say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
First, there's something that happened this afternoon that I just don't understand.
One minute we were standing out there talking, and the next minute I was sitting up in that tree.
Well, that seems a little incredible.
Yeah, say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
Sam, how many times have I warned you about doing that tree bit? Oh, I I know.
I just blew my cool.
Say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
How on earth do you ever do that trick? If you think that's something, I once saw a magician saw a woman in half.
Now, say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
And how do you explain Tabitha's genius? Well, explain Einstein's or Beethoven's or Thomas Edison's.
Say you're sorry, Mrs.
Peabody.
I'm sorry.
But she's still a witch.
Have a good day, Mr.
and Mrs.
Stephens.
Come along, Mrs.
Peabody.
Good night.
You really are a witch, you know.
You gonna spread the word? What? And wind up in a padded cell? Well, if it's a padded cell for two, who cares? [.]
[.]
[.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
SAMANTHA: Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Everything go all right at school today? Oh, just fine.
Except Mrs.
Peabody is taking a little vacation.
Uh-oh.
Well, she was due a sabbatical.
They just advanced the date a little.
I could use a little sabbatical myself from your mother and her constant interference.
Sweetheart, I have a terrific surprise for you.
I had a long talk with Mother, and she agreed she shouldn't have interfered.
You mean, Hard-hearted Hannah actually admitted she was wrong? I told her you wouldn't believe it.
So she agreed to write it 500 times.
You're kidding.
[.]
How about that? DARRIN: Incredible.
Are you sure that's 500 times? Terrific.
Well, the first 250 promises are always the toughest.
[.]
[.]