Bewitched (1964) s08e24 Episode Script
A Good Turn Never Goes Unpunished
Hi.
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[BUZZING.]
[.]
[YAWNS.]
It's close, but it just misses.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
What time did you get up? Early.
It seemed like 10 minutes after I went to sleep.
So I decided to take another run on the campaign for the Benson Mattress account.
Honey, you look exhausted.
Is working this hard worth it? Larry's promised me a healthy bonus if I land this account, and we're gonna spend a carefree week in Bermuda.
Well, that's terrific.
If I land this account.
Something I haven't done much of lately.
Well, you'll think of something.
I know you will.
Let's see what you got.
"You'll stop counting sheep on a Benson Sleep-Ezy Mattress.
" "You'll sleep like a king on a Benson Sleep-Ezy Mattress.
" "You'll sleep tight as a drum on a Benson's" Well, what's wrong with these ideas? They're ordinary.
They need some kind of jazzing up.
They need I don't know what they need.
Well, let's see.
What if you had one sheep instead of five? Then, let's see.
"One sheep is all "you'll have time to count on a Benson Sleep-Ezy mattress.
" Not bad, not bad at all.
And in this one you could have a younger version of the man that's asleep bounding out of bed, with a prince's crown, and it could read "You'll sleep like a king and awake like a prince.
" Yeah.
Now, this one, here's the drum, let's see.
Over here you could put a fiddle with the notes coming out.
"You'll sleep tight as a drum and awake fit as a fiddle.
" Sam, that's great.
I knew I was close, but you zeroed right in on it.
[.]
Hold it.
Sam, you didn't Didn't what? Well, it's very sweet and generous of you, but I don't want that kind of help.
Darrin, there was no witchcraft involved in my ideas.
Then what do you call it? I call it using my brain.
I do have one, you know.
I understand.
It's only normal for you.
You want me to succeed and Darrin, if you keep this up we're only going to succeed in having a fight.
Well, I don't want to have a fight.
So I better be getting to the office.
Besides, I have to get these roughs to the art department if I want to make that 1:00 meeting with Larry and Benson.
[.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Dumbo's ego's a bit bruised, eh? Mother, this is one time I can do without your eavesdropping.
Ooh! [MAN READING ON-SCREEN TEXT.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
I thought you'd left.
I can't bear to stand by and watch that mortal boob cast a shroud over my daughter who should be wearing mantles of moonbeams.
Mother, that's pretty corny.
But true.
Well, I don't blame him for being mad.
He thinks I used witchcraft.
Didn't you? No! Well, he should have used your ideas anyway, especially since he's never had one of his own.
He'll land that account on his own, with the bonus that goes with it for our trip to Bermuda.
If you leave him on his own, the closest you'll get to Bermuda will be an onion.
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY.]
Ha.
[GROANS.]
It's Benson.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Come in, come in, Mr.
Benson.
You know Stephens.
Yes.
Yes, Mr.
Benson, how are you? Stephens.
Fine, thank you.
Benson, I promised you the best ideas the business could deliver, and you're about to hear them.
Go ahead, Darrin.
Well, Mr.
Stephens, it's obvious you don't sleep on a Benson mattress.
If you did, you wouldn't be yawning.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
That's not a yawn, Mr.
Benson, he was just popping his ears.
We are on the 32nd floor, you know.
I'm sorry, Larry, but Mr.
Benson was right.
No man can be creative unless he has what nature intended.
Eight hours of shuteye on a Benson mattress.
Well, I'll try, anyway.
Heh-heh! Uh, Mr.
Benson? [.]
Here you are, have a seat.
We have, uh, three concepts.
The first one is designed for billboards.
Cliché.
Go ahead, Darrin, show him the next one.
The, uh, next one is designed for magazines.
This will be a full-color double truck.
Too on the nose.
The next one, Darrin.
Quickly.
Uh We plan to use this one for full-page newspaper ads.
It's too direct, too, uh Too simple.
They need a A gimmick.
Interesting.
I was making a similar comment earlier.
Well, if that's all you have to offer, I think I'd better be moving along.
Just a minute, Mr.
Benson.
Uh, I I do have some variations on these ideas.
Well? Well? BENSON: I'm waiting.
But they're not fully developed, so I'm not gonna tell you about them.
Darrin, I'm sure Mr.
Benson would love to hear the other ideas, and I'd hate to disappoint him.
I'm sorry, Larry, but I just can't.
[YAWNS.]
Stephens, apparently my account is keeping you up.
So, uh, I think I'll be going.
Ah, feel free to nod off at any time.
Right, Mr.
Benson.
Uh, Mr.
Benson, I'll I'll call you later.
Bye.
[WHISTLING.]
Hi, honey.
I'm home.
I'm in here, making us a drink.
Is it a wake or a celebration? Oh.
If that smile is any indication, you must have had a great day.
"Great" isn't the word, but it worked out fine.
[YAWNS.]
Do you want to tell me now, or do you want to take a nap first? Well, first of all, I didn't use any of your ideas.
Oh.
The way you left the house this morning, I didn't think you would.
No, sir, not one.
Congratulations, sweetheart, you got the account on your own.
Wrong.
I presented my own ideas and they bombed out.
Darrin, I told you, there was no witchcraft involved in my ideas.
Just because blondes have more fun doesn't make them brainless, you know.
No, I know, sweetheart, but, uh, when you're married to a witch, there's always that possible possibility, and that's enough.
Darrin, you are living proof that a good deed never goes unpunished.
Who said that? Socrates? I'm sure you knew him well.
There you go again.
Insinuating about my age.
Just how friendly were you with Socrates? Not half as friendly as I was with Plato.
Now, there was a brain.
Darrin, I'd like to make a statement.
Yeah.
Are you ready to admit the truth? Yes.
I'm listening.
Well, the truth is, with you, I'm darned if I do and I'm darned if I don't.
And I'm darned if I don't find your entire attitude revolting.
Okay, forget it.
Good.
Except for one thing.
I'm willing to forgive you.
That's very generous of you, but I don't want to be forgiven for something I didn't do.
However, if I'm going to be stuck with the name, I might as well enjoy the game.
Now, Samantha, cut that out.
I am willing to discuss this whole thing in the flesh.
Excuse me.
I want to change these flowers.
It's not polite to disappear when someone's talking to you.
When someone stops making false accusations and decides to be a responsible person, someone else will stop disappearing.
No.
[.]
Sweetheart, I think you're blowing this up way out of proportion.
I mean, it's bad enough having dinner with the Invisible Lady, but this is getting ridiculous.
[HANDS SLAPS.]
Don't touch me.
All right, I'll make a deal with you.
Just confess that you used witchcraft, and we'll forget about the whole thing.
Really? Well, I'll make a deal with you.
What's that? This.
Sorehead! Thanks for nothing! [GROANS.]
[.]
Thank you, Mommy.
SAMANTHA: You're welcome, sweetheart.
TABITHA: Daddy, how come Mommy's invisible? [SIGHS.]
Because [YAWNS.]
She doesn't want to face the truth.
SAMANTHA: Tabitha, tell your father the truth he is referring to is not the whole truth.
It's not even a half-truth.
In fact, it's a lie.
Daddy, Mommy said Tell your mother that if she wants to discuss this face-to-face, I would like to see her face.
Mommy, Daddy said SAMANTHA: Tell Daddy when he's ready to apologize, my face will be available.
Daddy, Mommy said DARRIN: Ask your mother if I could have a cup of coffee.
SAMANTHA: Tell him to get it himself.
Tell her Never mind, I'll have it at the office.
Goodbye, Tabitha.
Do you want me to kiss Mommy for you, Daddy? I don't think so, honey.
Something as valuable as kisses shouldn't be wasted on thin air.
[.]
TABITHA: Hi, Mommy.
Hi, sweetheart.
You and Daddy had a fight, huh? I'm afraid we did.
Who won? Well, it isn't over yet.
But we're both losing.
[GIGGLES.]
Everything will be all right, I hope.
Cheers.
Cheers.
[.]
[.]
Mother, please, if you don't mind, I'd like my dirty dishes back.
ENDORA: I'm just trying to help, my darling.
Trouble still brewing in paradise? Oh, Mother, Darrin's right, I shouldn't butt in.
And I don't want to discuss it.
I've made arrangements for space on Cloud 9, family plan.
Why don't you pack everybody up and come with me, hm? Mother, I am not going anywhere.
I am going to stay right here, and when Darrin comes home, I'm gonna tell him that he was right and I was wrong, and from now on, I'm gonna mind my own business.
To err is human, to forgive, divine.
Exactly.
Well, when you're up to here in err and you've turned into one huge lump of divine, don't say Mama didn't warn you.
But if you change your mind, the ambrosia hour on Cloud 9 is from 4 to 8.
Forget it, Mother! Oh, you'll drive me crazy.
Larry, what are you doing? You look half dead.
What's wrong? I didn't get much sleep last night.
I'm too tall for the couch.
[LAUGHS.]
You'll get used to it.
I've reached the point where I sleep better on the couch.
And as for what I'm doing, I'm going through your alternate concepts.
They're great.
I know.
"You'll sleep like a king and awake like a prince on a Benson.
" "You'll sleep tight as drum and awake fit as a fiddle.
" Darrin, these are sensational.
Of course they are.
Now, if I wanted to use those ideas, I could lock up the account like that.
If you wanted to? Don't you want the sun to rise in the morning? Don't you want to live to a ripe old age? Don't you want me to live till tomorrow? Forget it, Larry, we've already lost Benson.
It's too late.
No, we didn't.
I very wisely arranged to have cocktails with him last night and convinced him to give us another shot.
[LAUGHS.]
I knew you'd come through, you son of a gun.
I'm sorry, Larry, but I'm not gonna show Benson these layouts.
Why not? Well, it wouldn't be fair.
Darrin, have you been drinking? Not even coffee.
Which is another story.
Look, I don't know what your problem is, but Benson's going to be here any minute, and I'm going to show him these layouts.
Oh, no, you're not, it would be unfair to Benson.
He'd love these ideas.
He'd be powerless not to.
Why, are they laced with black magic? You guessed it.
[BUZZING.]
Yes? Mr.
Benson is here? Al? Already? Heh! Well, send him in.
Larry, I am not gonna present these ideas.
You're not, but I am.
Everything in this office is the property of McMann & Tate.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Heh.
Oh, hi, Mr.
Benson.
Uh, we were just mulling over a few ideas for you.
It looks more like you were mauling them.
You're not yawning, Mr.
Stephens.
I presume you had a good night's sleep.
Excellent.
I was talking to Stephens.
Well, that's all right.
He can speak for me.
I'm his property.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Have a seat, Mr.
Benson.
You think I'm gonna be here that long? Mr.
Benson, I've got a feeling that you're going to be very pleasantly surprised.
[.]
There you go.
These are just what you're after, Mr.
Benson.
Darrin and I pitched in and came up with some real gems.
"One sheep is all you'll have time to count.
Awake like a prince.
Fit as a fiddle.
" Well, they, uh, do have something but then they haven't got anything else.
I don't like 'em.
Did you say, "I don't like them"? Too gimmicky.
Gimmicky? Yes.
You mean, you have no compulsion to like them? Are you sure? Sure I'm sure.
You mean, deep down, you're not fighting the desire to say, "I love them"? I could learn to hate them if it would make you any happier.
Oh, Mr.
Benson, I couldn't be any happier.
Darrin, have you become completely unglued? No, Larry, you don't understand.
Mr.
Benson, I'm eternally in your debt.
Where are you going? Well, um, I'm taking the rest of the day off.
There's something I've got to do, and I gotta do it now before it's too late.
Mr.
Benson, I can't tell you how happy you've made me.
[.]
[.]
What a day.
Cloud 9 has never been more glorious.
Well, I'm happy to hear that, Mother.
Samantha, while you're waiting for Durwood to come home, why don't you give yourself a treat? Come on and spend the rest of the day with me on Cloud 9.
The change will do you good.
And who knows, you might get to like it there.
Oh, I don't know, Mother, I'm worried about Darrin.
Oh, you're too protective.
You're his wife, not his nanny, although I suspect a nanny is what he really needs.
Samantha, he's acting churlishly, and you know it.
I guess so.
Where are the children? Well, Tabitha's in school.
Adam's in the park with Esmeralda.
Perfect, then there's nothing to keep you here.
All right, Mother.
Good.
Maybe the change of atmosphere would help.
[.]
Like it? Mmm.
It's heavenly.
You know, I'd almost forgotten what smog-free air was like.
Sam? Sam, I'm home! [.]
Are you here, Sam? DARRIN: I'll even settle for invisible.
Sam, I don't know where you are or if you can hear me, but, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Sam, I was wrong not to believe you.
I know that you didn't use witchcraft.
All I proved was that I have pride and integrity, and that I'm stupid.
Well, he has something there.
Ta-ta, Mama.
I miss you, and I wish you'd come home.
Please, honey, forgive me, wherever you are.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Am I glad to see you.
Where have you been? Not far.
Sam, I'm sorry.
I I should've known you wouldn't lie to me.
That's right, you should've.
I promise I'll never doubt you again.
[GIGGLES.]
What made you change your mind? Well, Larry got ahold of my roughs with your changes on them and pitched them to Benson and, uh And? Well, Benson didn't like them.
Heh.
Which proves to you that I didn't use witchcraft and which proves to me that you thought I was guilty until I was proven innocent.
Isn't that supposed to work the other way around? I know I was wrong, but the only important thing is that I love you.
I love you.
[YAWNS.]
Thanks a lot.
I'm sorry, honey.
All marriages have their problems, but for us to be losing sleep over some dumb mattress account is ridiculous.
What did you say? I said all marriages have problems.
No, no, the The last part.
Uh, um, it's ridiculous for us to be losing sleep over some dumb account.
Yeah, why didn't I think of that before? What are you talking about? Are you sure you don't know? Don't know what? Never mind.
I've got it.
I've got the answer, and it's perfect.
What's even more, it's inspired.
More than that, you inspired it.
I did? Yes, you did.
Where are you going? To see Benson.
But I'll be back before you know it.
[.]
I love you, honey.
Don't disappear.
[GIGGLES.]
Well, Samantha, you've done it again.
You are wrong, Mother.
I merely inspired the idea.
Darrin found it, which is the way it should be.
I suppose what Durwood doesn't know will never hurt him.
Mother, what difference does it make? What's a wife for if she can't inspire her husband with occasional witchly wife-craft? [.]
[.]
[.]
He loved it.
Benson absolutely loved it.
I knew he would the minute I heard you say it.
And Sam, I owe it all to you.
Thank you.
Well, at least three-quarters of it.
I'll take half.
You've got it.
[GRUNTS.]
Oops.
Did Larry like it? He hated it.
Right up until the time that Benson loved it.
Uh, Sam did you really know Plato and Socrates? Of course not.
I wasn't even born yet.
I always had doubts.
Let's not start that again.
[YAWNS.]
I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I'm getting punchy.
No sleep and all this excitement is getting to me.
I understand.
We'll go to sleep early.
Good.
Oh.
Oh.
Uh, I'll get a towel.
Okay.
[.]
[GIGGLES.]
I said early, not immediately.
Oh, dear.
Well, a toast to Benson Sleep-Ezy mattresses.
When you're exhausted, a bed of nails is just as good.
Mmm.
[SNORES.]
[.]
This is Elizabeth Montgomery, inviting you to stay tuned for Bewitched.
[BUZZING.]
[.]
[YAWNS.]
It's close, but it just misses.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
What time did you get up? Early.
It seemed like 10 minutes after I went to sleep.
So I decided to take another run on the campaign for the Benson Mattress account.
Honey, you look exhausted.
Is working this hard worth it? Larry's promised me a healthy bonus if I land this account, and we're gonna spend a carefree week in Bermuda.
Well, that's terrific.
If I land this account.
Something I haven't done much of lately.
Well, you'll think of something.
I know you will.
Let's see what you got.
"You'll stop counting sheep on a Benson Sleep-Ezy Mattress.
" "You'll sleep like a king on a Benson Sleep-Ezy Mattress.
" "You'll sleep tight as a drum on a Benson's" Well, what's wrong with these ideas? They're ordinary.
They need some kind of jazzing up.
They need I don't know what they need.
Well, let's see.
What if you had one sheep instead of five? Then, let's see.
"One sheep is all "you'll have time to count on a Benson Sleep-Ezy mattress.
" Not bad, not bad at all.
And in this one you could have a younger version of the man that's asleep bounding out of bed, with a prince's crown, and it could read "You'll sleep like a king and awake like a prince.
" Yeah.
Now, this one, here's the drum, let's see.
Over here you could put a fiddle with the notes coming out.
"You'll sleep tight as a drum and awake fit as a fiddle.
" Sam, that's great.
I knew I was close, but you zeroed right in on it.
[.]
Hold it.
Sam, you didn't Didn't what? Well, it's very sweet and generous of you, but I don't want that kind of help.
Darrin, there was no witchcraft involved in my ideas.
Then what do you call it? I call it using my brain.
I do have one, you know.
I understand.
It's only normal for you.
You want me to succeed and Darrin, if you keep this up we're only going to succeed in having a fight.
Well, I don't want to have a fight.
So I better be getting to the office.
Besides, I have to get these roughs to the art department if I want to make that 1:00 meeting with Larry and Benson.
[.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Dumbo's ego's a bit bruised, eh? Mother, this is one time I can do without your eavesdropping.
Ooh! [MAN READING ON-SCREEN TEXT.]
[.]
[.]
[.]
I thought you'd left.
I can't bear to stand by and watch that mortal boob cast a shroud over my daughter who should be wearing mantles of moonbeams.
Mother, that's pretty corny.
But true.
Well, I don't blame him for being mad.
He thinks I used witchcraft.
Didn't you? No! Well, he should have used your ideas anyway, especially since he's never had one of his own.
He'll land that account on his own, with the bonus that goes with it for our trip to Bermuda.
If you leave him on his own, the closest you'll get to Bermuda will be an onion.
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY.]
Ha.
[GROANS.]
It's Benson.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Come in, come in, Mr.
Benson.
You know Stephens.
Yes.
Yes, Mr.
Benson, how are you? Stephens.
Fine, thank you.
Benson, I promised you the best ideas the business could deliver, and you're about to hear them.
Go ahead, Darrin.
Well, Mr.
Stephens, it's obvious you don't sleep on a Benson mattress.
If you did, you wouldn't be yawning.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
That's not a yawn, Mr.
Benson, he was just popping his ears.
We are on the 32nd floor, you know.
I'm sorry, Larry, but Mr.
Benson was right.
No man can be creative unless he has what nature intended.
Eight hours of shuteye on a Benson mattress.
Well, I'll try, anyway.
Heh-heh! Uh, Mr.
Benson? [.]
Here you are, have a seat.
We have, uh, three concepts.
The first one is designed for billboards.
Cliché.
Go ahead, Darrin, show him the next one.
The, uh, next one is designed for magazines.
This will be a full-color double truck.
Too on the nose.
The next one, Darrin.
Quickly.
Uh We plan to use this one for full-page newspaper ads.
It's too direct, too, uh Too simple.
They need a A gimmick.
Interesting.
I was making a similar comment earlier.
Well, if that's all you have to offer, I think I'd better be moving along.
Just a minute, Mr.
Benson.
Uh, I I do have some variations on these ideas.
Well? Well? BENSON: I'm waiting.
But they're not fully developed, so I'm not gonna tell you about them.
Darrin, I'm sure Mr.
Benson would love to hear the other ideas, and I'd hate to disappoint him.
I'm sorry, Larry, but I just can't.
[YAWNS.]
Stephens, apparently my account is keeping you up.
So, uh, I think I'll be going.
Ah, feel free to nod off at any time.
Right, Mr.
Benson.
Uh, Mr.
Benson, I'll I'll call you later.
Bye.
[WHISTLING.]
Hi, honey.
I'm home.
I'm in here, making us a drink.
Is it a wake or a celebration? Oh.
If that smile is any indication, you must have had a great day.
"Great" isn't the word, but it worked out fine.
[YAWNS.]
Do you want to tell me now, or do you want to take a nap first? Well, first of all, I didn't use any of your ideas.
Oh.
The way you left the house this morning, I didn't think you would.
No, sir, not one.
Congratulations, sweetheart, you got the account on your own.
Wrong.
I presented my own ideas and they bombed out.
Darrin, I told you, there was no witchcraft involved in my ideas.
Just because blondes have more fun doesn't make them brainless, you know.
No, I know, sweetheart, but, uh, when you're married to a witch, there's always that possible possibility, and that's enough.
Darrin, you are living proof that a good deed never goes unpunished.
Who said that? Socrates? I'm sure you knew him well.
There you go again.
Insinuating about my age.
Just how friendly were you with Socrates? Not half as friendly as I was with Plato.
Now, there was a brain.
Darrin, I'd like to make a statement.
Yeah.
Are you ready to admit the truth? Yes.
I'm listening.
Well, the truth is, with you, I'm darned if I do and I'm darned if I don't.
And I'm darned if I don't find your entire attitude revolting.
Okay, forget it.
Good.
Except for one thing.
I'm willing to forgive you.
That's very generous of you, but I don't want to be forgiven for something I didn't do.
However, if I'm going to be stuck with the name, I might as well enjoy the game.
Now, Samantha, cut that out.
I am willing to discuss this whole thing in the flesh.
Excuse me.
I want to change these flowers.
It's not polite to disappear when someone's talking to you.
When someone stops making false accusations and decides to be a responsible person, someone else will stop disappearing.
No.
[.]
Sweetheart, I think you're blowing this up way out of proportion.
I mean, it's bad enough having dinner with the Invisible Lady, but this is getting ridiculous.
[HANDS SLAPS.]
Don't touch me.
All right, I'll make a deal with you.
Just confess that you used witchcraft, and we'll forget about the whole thing.
Really? Well, I'll make a deal with you.
What's that? This.
Sorehead! Thanks for nothing! [GROANS.]
[.]
Thank you, Mommy.
SAMANTHA: You're welcome, sweetheart.
TABITHA: Daddy, how come Mommy's invisible? [SIGHS.]
Because [YAWNS.]
She doesn't want to face the truth.
SAMANTHA: Tabitha, tell your father the truth he is referring to is not the whole truth.
It's not even a half-truth.
In fact, it's a lie.
Daddy, Mommy said Tell your mother that if she wants to discuss this face-to-face, I would like to see her face.
Mommy, Daddy said SAMANTHA: Tell Daddy when he's ready to apologize, my face will be available.
Daddy, Mommy said DARRIN: Ask your mother if I could have a cup of coffee.
SAMANTHA: Tell him to get it himself.
Tell her Never mind, I'll have it at the office.
Goodbye, Tabitha.
Do you want me to kiss Mommy for you, Daddy? I don't think so, honey.
Something as valuable as kisses shouldn't be wasted on thin air.
[.]
TABITHA: Hi, Mommy.
Hi, sweetheart.
You and Daddy had a fight, huh? I'm afraid we did.
Who won? Well, it isn't over yet.
But we're both losing.
[GIGGLES.]
Everything will be all right, I hope.
Cheers.
Cheers.
[.]
[.]
Mother, please, if you don't mind, I'd like my dirty dishes back.
ENDORA: I'm just trying to help, my darling.
Trouble still brewing in paradise? Oh, Mother, Darrin's right, I shouldn't butt in.
And I don't want to discuss it.
I've made arrangements for space on Cloud 9, family plan.
Why don't you pack everybody up and come with me, hm? Mother, I am not going anywhere.
I am going to stay right here, and when Darrin comes home, I'm gonna tell him that he was right and I was wrong, and from now on, I'm gonna mind my own business.
To err is human, to forgive, divine.
Exactly.
Well, when you're up to here in err and you've turned into one huge lump of divine, don't say Mama didn't warn you.
But if you change your mind, the ambrosia hour on Cloud 9 is from 4 to 8.
Forget it, Mother! Oh, you'll drive me crazy.
Larry, what are you doing? You look half dead.
What's wrong? I didn't get much sleep last night.
I'm too tall for the couch.
[LAUGHS.]
You'll get used to it.
I've reached the point where I sleep better on the couch.
And as for what I'm doing, I'm going through your alternate concepts.
They're great.
I know.
"You'll sleep like a king and awake like a prince on a Benson.
" "You'll sleep tight as drum and awake fit as a fiddle.
" Darrin, these are sensational.
Of course they are.
Now, if I wanted to use those ideas, I could lock up the account like that.
If you wanted to? Don't you want the sun to rise in the morning? Don't you want to live to a ripe old age? Don't you want me to live till tomorrow? Forget it, Larry, we've already lost Benson.
It's too late.
No, we didn't.
I very wisely arranged to have cocktails with him last night and convinced him to give us another shot.
[LAUGHS.]
I knew you'd come through, you son of a gun.
I'm sorry, Larry, but I'm not gonna show Benson these layouts.
Why not? Well, it wouldn't be fair.
Darrin, have you been drinking? Not even coffee.
Which is another story.
Look, I don't know what your problem is, but Benson's going to be here any minute, and I'm going to show him these layouts.
Oh, no, you're not, it would be unfair to Benson.
He'd love these ideas.
He'd be powerless not to.
Why, are they laced with black magic? You guessed it.
[BUZZING.]
Yes? Mr.
Benson is here? Al? Already? Heh! Well, send him in.
Larry, I am not gonna present these ideas.
You're not, but I am.
Everything in this office is the property of McMann & Tate.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Heh.
Oh, hi, Mr.
Benson.
Uh, we were just mulling over a few ideas for you.
It looks more like you were mauling them.
You're not yawning, Mr.
Stephens.
I presume you had a good night's sleep.
Excellent.
I was talking to Stephens.
Well, that's all right.
He can speak for me.
I'm his property.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY.]
Have a seat, Mr.
Benson.
You think I'm gonna be here that long? Mr.
Benson, I've got a feeling that you're going to be very pleasantly surprised.
[.]
There you go.
These are just what you're after, Mr.
Benson.
Darrin and I pitched in and came up with some real gems.
"One sheep is all you'll have time to count.
Awake like a prince.
Fit as a fiddle.
" Well, they, uh, do have something but then they haven't got anything else.
I don't like 'em.
Did you say, "I don't like them"? Too gimmicky.
Gimmicky? Yes.
You mean, you have no compulsion to like them? Are you sure? Sure I'm sure.
You mean, deep down, you're not fighting the desire to say, "I love them"? I could learn to hate them if it would make you any happier.
Oh, Mr.
Benson, I couldn't be any happier.
Darrin, have you become completely unglued? No, Larry, you don't understand.
Mr.
Benson, I'm eternally in your debt.
Where are you going? Well, um, I'm taking the rest of the day off.
There's something I've got to do, and I gotta do it now before it's too late.
Mr.
Benson, I can't tell you how happy you've made me.
[.]
[.]
What a day.
Cloud 9 has never been more glorious.
Well, I'm happy to hear that, Mother.
Samantha, while you're waiting for Durwood to come home, why don't you give yourself a treat? Come on and spend the rest of the day with me on Cloud 9.
The change will do you good.
And who knows, you might get to like it there.
Oh, I don't know, Mother, I'm worried about Darrin.
Oh, you're too protective.
You're his wife, not his nanny, although I suspect a nanny is what he really needs.
Samantha, he's acting churlishly, and you know it.
I guess so.
Where are the children? Well, Tabitha's in school.
Adam's in the park with Esmeralda.
Perfect, then there's nothing to keep you here.
All right, Mother.
Good.
Maybe the change of atmosphere would help.
[.]
Like it? Mmm.
It's heavenly.
You know, I'd almost forgotten what smog-free air was like.
Sam? Sam, I'm home! [.]
Are you here, Sam? DARRIN: I'll even settle for invisible.
Sam, I don't know where you are or if you can hear me, but, sweetheart, I'm sorry.
Sam, I was wrong not to believe you.
I know that you didn't use witchcraft.
All I proved was that I have pride and integrity, and that I'm stupid.
Well, he has something there.
Ta-ta, Mama.
I miss you, and I wish you'd come home.
Please, honey, forgive me, wherever you are.
Hi, sweetheart.
Hi.
Am I glad to see you.
Where have you been? Not far.
Sam, I'm sorry.
I I should've known you wouldn't lie to me.
That's right, you should've.
I promise I'll never doubt you again.
[GIGGLES.]
What made you change your mind? Well, Larry got ahold of my roughs with your changes on them and pitched them to Benson and, uh And? Well, Benson didn't like them.
Heh.
Which proves to you that I didn't use witchcraft and which proves to me that you thought I was guilty until I was proven innocent.
Isn't that supposed to work the other way around? I know I was wrong, but the only important thing is that I love you.
I love you.
[YAWNS.]
Thanks a lot.
I'm sorry, honey.
All marriages have their problems, but for us to be losing sleep over some dumb mattress account is ridiculous.
What did you say? I said all marriages have problems.
No, no, the The last part.
Uh, um, it's ridiculous for us to be losing sleep over some dumb account.
Yeah, why didn't I think of that before? What are you talking about? Are you sure you don't know? Don't know what? Never mind.
I've got it.
I've got the answer, and it's perfect.
What's even more, it's inspired.
More than that, you inspired it.
I did? Yes, you did.
Where are you going? To see Benson.
But I'll be back before you know it.
[.]
I love you, honey.
Don't disappear.
[GIGGLES.]
Well, Samantha, you've done it again.
You are wrong, Mother.
I merely inspired the idea.
Darrin found it, which is the way it should be.
I suppose what Durwood doesn't know will never hurt him.
Mother, what difference does it make? What's a wife for if she can't inspire her husband with occasional witchly wife-craft? [.]
[.]
[.]
He loved it.
Benson absolutely loved it.
I knew he would the minute I heard you say it.
And Sam, I owe it all to you.
Thank you.
Well, at least three-quarters of it.
I'll take half.
You've got it.
[GRUNTS.]
Oops.
Did Larry like it? He hated it.
Right up until the time that Benson loved it.
Uh, Sam did you really know Plato and Socrates? Of course not.
I wasn't even born yet.
I always had doubts.
Let's not start that again.
[YAWNS.]
I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I'm getting punchy.
No sleep and all this excitement is getting to me.
I understand.
We'll go to sleep early.
Good.
Oh.
Oh.
Uh, I'll get a towel.
Okay.
[.]
[GIGGLES.]
I said early, not immediately.
Oh, dear.
Well, a toast to Benson Sleep-Ezy mattresses.
When you're exhausted, a bed of nails is just as good.
Mmm.
[SNORES.]
[.]