Queer Eye (2018) s09e03 Episode Script

1
We know ♪
We know that we got this ♪
We know that we want this ♪
Now it's time to run ♪
Are you ready? ♪
[JONATHAN] Vegas sure is pretty.
I don't think anybody knew that
Vegas had a train. This is so cute.
- Honey, we love public transportation.
- [KARAMO] Love it!
[TAN] We really do.
[JONATHAN] Do you guys like my outfit?
- We love this sexy number.
- [ANTONI] Like a sexy little cupcake.
I am a sexy little cupcake.
Do you wanna do a bend and snap?
No, I'm worried that
my privates'll come out.
- [TAN] That's what I wanted.
- Promises.
I wanted to see one
singular ball fall out.
- Just one ball.
- [LAUGHING]
[ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- Better ♪
- Oh, things just keep getting better ♪
[ELECTRICITY BUZZING]
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[TAN] Wanna know our hero this week?
- Yes!
- Tell us everything.
Okay, so, "John van der Put
aka Piff the Magic Dragon "
Wait, we're doing a dragon?
[ANNOUNCER] Piff the Magic Dragon!
[CHEERING]
Hello. My name's Piff the Magic Dragon.
And I'm a genuine mythical creature.
It's more of a magician
who dresses like a dragon.
My real name?
Um [INHALES SHARPLY]
I don't know. I gave
that up many years ago.
on his speaking debut.
Welcome to the show. My
name's Piff the Magic Dragon.
"John gained international fame
after his appearance on
America's Got Talent in 2015."
- [KARAMO] It's a pretty big deal.
- [ANTONI] Yeah!
"He's nominated by
his showgirl, sidekick,
partner of nine whole years, Jade."
Please welcome to the
stage, Miss Jade Simone!
Wow. Poor Jade.
Someone better look out
for her job because
"Piff's memorable performances
led to a legion of devoted fans,
a successful tour, and a
five-day-a-week residency
at the Flamingo for the past six years."
- Yeah.
- That's huge.
[GASPS] You guys.
[KARAMO AND ANTONI] What?
"Penn and Teller have
mentored and supported John
throughout his career as
Piff the Magic Dragon."
- Wow.
- Massive!
That's huge.
They're the Beyoncé and
Cher of the magician world!
It really is. They're mega.
We're just gonna do each trick
in sequence, slowly, and talk
about each one as we do it.
Piff is a great, great magical mind.
[JOHN] Lex, have another bite.
Bite it, Lex. Bite Oh!
Is that a 20-dollar bill, Lex?
"To Piff! Love Lex!"
He's fast, and he's
funny, and he's original.
But, uh, Piff's comfort
in the dragon outfit
is really beyond a
show-business gimmick.
The first time I met
John, we exchanged numbers.
He'd text me and called me all night
long leaving me little dragonisms.
"You're a princess. I'm a dragon."
"I confine princesses."
"Oh, by the way, I sleep on gold."
Everything was dragon, dragon, dragon.
He's found his legacy
inside that dragon outfit.
But when he becomes John,
he's a little more introverted.
Hi, everybody. Just follow right
around for the meet and greet.
You'll go right around
for the meet and greet.
"After their shows, fans
line up for a meet and greet."
"And while Jade dazzles everyone,
Piff barely says a word."
That's interesting that a
man on stage five days a week
doesn't have confidence
when he's offstage.
[JEREMIAH] Hiding in that costume.
Being in a dragon outfit is the only way
to make this socially acceptable.
Without the dragon outfit,
people are not laughing.
[JADE] I want him to step out
of the dragon outfit for a moment
and realize that what made
me fall in love with John
was John.
"John and Jade have three
chihuahuas, the famous Mr. Piffles,
Two-y, and, um, Threeadore."
Uh, "Mr. Piffles has been in
every show that they've ever done
and is the crowd-pleaser."
[JOHN] Now let's bring out Mr. Piffles!
Piff really, um, credits
Mr. Piffles with his success.
And he felt he really
needed more of a gimmick
than being in a goddamn dragon suit.
The dragon outfit wasn't enough.
It's almost 16 years later.
I'm not sure who's more famous.
But I do know who people like more.
And it's not me.
I love a dog-fluencer.
[LAUGHING]
"Piff the Magic Dragon is set to receive
the highest honor in the world of magic,
the Magician of the Year award
in Los Angeles, California."
This is their Oscars. It's major.
The Magic Castle is making
him Magician of the Year,
which no one deserves more.
Like, there's no way that I can put
myself in that category of magic.
So I'm gonna accept the
fact they've made a mistake,
receive the award anyway, and
hope it comes with a cash prize.
I want John to be proud of what
he's accomplished, to be proud of
[VOICE BREAKS] to be
proud of what he's done
'cause he's amazing.
"Her dream is for the Fab Five
to work their real magic tricks
and turn her partner into
someone who can stand confidently
with or without the dragon costume."
"So let's help John slay the dragon
and suit up for the
biggest night of his life!"
- Yeah!
- Yes!
Watch this.
Now you see us
[CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh.
[LAUGHING]
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[JADE] I love you guys!
Whoo!
- [JOHN] Thanks, Jade!
- Yes!
- Have a good night, Jade.
- [JADE] Whoo! Whoo!
She used to work at Staples.
- I think this is it.
- Okay.
[INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING]
[TAN] She knows
[JEREMIAH] Are you sure
we're at the right door?
- [JADE] Hi! You found it.
- Hi, Jade! Can we come in?
- Come on, guys. Come on.
- Okay, come on in. Thank you.
[JOHN] Uh, give it up for
Jeremy, ladies and gentlemen!
He got three gold stars! Oh wow!
- He doesn't know we're coming tonight.
- He has no idea.
- Awesome.
- Jeremiah's afraid of magic.
- Deathly.
- I'm not. Stop outing me.
- Ready? Look at me.
- I'm so ready.
- Boo!
- [ALL LAUGH]
I don't hate magic. It just scares me.
Where'd that card come from?
Also, how is it in your pocket?
And why is my name on it now?
- Freaks me out.
- That was good. I didn't see it coming.
[LAUGHS] This is crazy.
Okay. Um, ready?
- Yes. Okay.
- Follow me.
- We're gonna stand in the wings for a bit.
- Okay.
Then we're gonna rock it.
- We're ready.
- Rock it!
- You people wanna see one more?
- [CROWD] Yeah!
Well
Oh my God. That is so kind of you.
Most people are like,
"No, Piff. It's fine."
"We got the appropriate number of
tricks for the ticket price we paid."
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
But fine.
The trick I performed on America's
Got Talent back in the day.
- Babe?
- [JOHN] Trick I perform
Hi.
[CHEERING]
- [JOHN] Oh.
- [JADE CHUCKLES]
All right. Babe, I
nominated you for Queer Eye!
[CHEERING]
[JONATHAN] Get over here, gorgeous!
- [JOHN] Oh, guys.
- Good to see you. How are you?
I don't like connecting
with my own emotions.
- Don't worry. We'll help with that.
- No.
But before we get started, quick one.
I believe you got one more trick, right?
Uh, oh, yes. The show.
- I forgot all about that.
- Yeah.
- [KARAMO] We'll watch the trick.
- [TAN] We'll watch from the side. Yeah.
[TAN] I love a magic show.
I've never been to one in real life,
but I could not be more excited.
[JOHN] You're gonna write your name.
Before the show even began,
I made a prediction of the
card that Jean would choose.
Jean, you signed the king of spades.
Jade, please reveal my prediction.
It's the seven of hearts.
So basically, Jean was wrong.
[CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
- [KARAMO] I'm confused, to be honest.
- That's okay. We can't win them all.
[MUSIC FADES]
If I could really do magic,
it would look a bit like this.
[SWANKY MUSIC PLAYING]
Ah. Ah.
No!
Ladies and gentlemen, as
predicted, the seven of hearts.
- [JEREMIAH SCREAMS]
- [CHEERING]
What?! What the
- [JONATHAN] What?
- Wow!
Oh my God. What?
- Have a great night. Good night!
- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
We are dropping into the splits
like it is going out of style, honey.
- Holy shit!
- Whoa!
[JONATHAN] She is just
giving it out. I love her.
She's just I'm obsessed with Jade.
[TAN] Bye!
[KARAMO] You're ours now.
Hello. Welcome. Welcome.
We've been here before.
- You look shell-shocked.
- [LAUGHS]
I was in the middle of a show, guys.
- I had things to do.
- [TAN] The very end!
[ANTONI] How many
shows a week do you do?
We do Saturday through Wednesday here.
And then usually Wednesday
night, we jump on a plane.
And we do Thursday, Friday somewhere.
And then Saturday morning, we
jump on a plane, come back here.
- Whoa.
- So it never stops.
- We never stop.
- You guys are giving me "sought-after."
- [JEREMIAH] Yes
- In demand.
[ANTONI] Wait, why do you
think Jade nominated you?
- Well, I could hazard a guess.
- [ANTONI] Uh-huh.
It may be that outside the show,
I dress in pajamas and,
uh, do nothing but work.
- It's probably none of that.
- [JOHN] But
- You think it's only your fashion?
- No.
- [JOHN] All I do
- [ANTONI] Break it down.
[JOHN] All I do is sit there, like,
"I'm just doing dragon business,
so just give me a second
to do dragon business."
Like, the last time we went on
vacation, I ended up writing a book.
We were there for 14 days.
And about the seventh, eighth day,
I went, "Honey, we're on vacation."
And to the point where the
waiters were coming up to me going,
"Do you need anything?"
And I was like
- Meanwhile, I was like, "Chapter 27."
- [TAN LAUGHS]
But I will say that I want you
to find some work-life balance.
And you know what I want you to do?
I want you to see what you've done
and feel that for a minute
and be there and enjoy it.
- Really accept all the things you are.
- [JOHN] Oh.
- Oh. I know.
- [JADE] Be proud of yourself.
- Go on, Miss America. Go on.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Tell him. [LAUGHS]
- [ANTONI] Okay, let's go putz around.
- Bye!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- Too much or not enough?
- Oh!
[ANTONI] My ovaries.
JVN loves it here. I mean,
every part of this place.
The stage, the magic, the glamour.
How long until JVN's
on the ground in splits?
Five, four, three
- Can I show you my splits quick?
- Yeah.
- I hope my balls don't come out.
- Please.
- [JONATHAN] Ready?
- For all our sakes.
Okay.
[TAN] Ah!
You haven't got the job yet.
- Am I
- [JOHN] You're on the list.
- [JONATHAN] Do I get a callback?
- On the list.
I just risked my hamstring for you.
Well, that was noted.
Literally could have
busted my old puss for you.
- [JOHN] Yeah.
- And you didn't even give me a callback?
No.
Should we try the wig on?
Let's see what it looks like.
- I used to have long hair.
- We don't start with transformation.
But I think, you know, you're
a seasoned professional.
Okay.
[CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Oh, it looks It doesn't look bad.
It's kind of saucy.
[JOHN] Yeah, I mean
You almost look like the
first lady of some country.
I was thinking more like '80s,
uh, you know, Guns N' Roses.
I don't know if I've ever had my
work cut out for me like this before.
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Whatever
are we gonna do with your hair?
Just give it a little cleanup, really.
You naughty little dragon.
[ANTONI] So tell me about his diet.
[JADE] I want him to eat healthy.
At the same time, you
can have your treats.
You know, we tour a lot.
You know how the food is on the road.
He gets overwhelmed. He overworks.
When he finally takes that break,
he will look at me and
go, "Oh, this is fun."
- [ANTONI] Mmm.
- [JADE] I want him to be romantic.
- If we can just find a little more.
- Right.
We stayed one time on
vacation at the Nobu Resort.
And the food was
brilliant, and he loved it.
- That is a core memory for me.
- Yeah.
- Oh my God. I'm getting emotional.
- Aw.
He's breathing, right?
Is he still breathing?
Tanny, if he's sick,
you can be his double.
- [TAN GASPS] Whoa! Ow!
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
How does a dragon move?
I'm gonna blow fire!
You have wings. Look.
- Spread your arms.
- Oh. Oh.
[ANTONI] Yes! Beautiful!
- [JEREMIAH] A sweet boy.
- [JADE] He's amazing.
- He pays the mortgage.
- He's a legend.
[PIFFLES SNEEZES]
- Bless you. Are you sneezing?
- [JADE AND JEREMIAH] Oh, bless you!
[JEREMIAH] I know. I'm sorry.
- [JEREMIAH] How old is Mr. Piffles?
- He's 16 and a half.
[JEREMIAH] Oh, guys.
[JOHN] And he's a rescue
dog from Dundee in Scotland.
And I got him when he was
a year and eight months.
- We've been together ever since.
- [JEREMIAH] Aw.
[JOHN] So I'm, like,
adopting Mr. Piffles.
Like, when I was starting out
in this, I was, like, coming up,
and the gigs were, like, rough and,
you know, just like long journeys.
- [JEREMIAH] Yeah.
- To, like, terrible dive bars.
And he was the one who was there.
You know, we did it, like, together.
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.
This is quite an impressive
situation you guys have here.
There's a guy who works
for us called Gabriel.
And, uh, he came in one day
and just [WHOOSHING SOUND]
- [JADE] He created this.
- Did the whole room.
That's so crazy. This has
all been recently redone.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I'm sitting in this green room,
which they have just
finished and redone.
- Is this what your house is like too?
- No.
Jade's in charge of the house.
Oh. Smart man.
They're describing their new home,
which Jade has handled all
the interior design for it.
I did pops of color so when
you walk down the hall, you go,
"Oh, it makes me happy."
- The house sounds chic and figured out.
- I'm trying.
I can't help but wonder to myself,
"What the hell shall I do?" [CHUCKLES]
- Oh my.
- What are we gonna design?
Well, I can't tell you.
It's gonna be a surprise.
And then I looked over at
Mr. Piffles, and it hit me.
I can work with that.
[CHUCKLES]
[TAN] We're about to do something.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [ANTONI] Tan?
- Yeah?
- Have you seen JVN?
- No. Jackie?
- JVN?
- Jackie?
JVN?
- [KARAMO LAUGHS]
- [GASPS]
Jackie! I didn't even
realize that was you!
[LAUGHING]
The nerve center, where
it all happens. [CLAPS]
- We're getting to your nerve center.
- [JOHN] Oh no.
Oh, are we gonna talk about feelings?
I don't have any. All right?
Just deal with it. No feelings.
So when did you start magic?
- [EXHALES] When I was about 15.
- So when did you find the dragon outfit?
When I was, like, super broke
and was being fired everywhere,
I would always, like, say jokes
to people when I was doing magic.
- Yeah?
- But they'd always be the wrong things.
So you feel like before
the dragon costume,
you were a failure?
Not a failure.
- Okay.
- I definitely wasn't successful either.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I always felt a little bit, uh,
on the on the on the fringes
of, you know, like, the kind
of, like, the regular people.
[KARAMO] Ah. Do you still feel that way?
Uh I don't know because
there's nothing to compare it to.
- Mmm.
- [JOHN] You know?
Because there's no more
socially awkward you.
- Because you're Piff now.
- No. Piff all the time.
[KARAMO] You have an award
you're getting right now, right?
Yeah, coming up.
- Which is Magician of the Year?
- [JOHN] Yeah.
- It's the Oscars of magic.
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
You know, my friends Penn and
Teller, they got given the award.
They're, like, the best at
magic ever. David Copperfield.
All, like, the best people
in magic have got this award.
- [KARAMO] How do you feel about it?
- I can't believe it.
- You don't think you're one of the best?
- No.
- I don't believe in magic.
- [JOHN] Right.
So I've never been to a magic show.
- You've never been to a magic show?
- Until I just watched you on stage.
And I took off my glasses,
looking very closely.
And I literally came up here
and said to the rest of the guys,
"I think I actually buy magic now."
Yeah.
You had a house full of
people who came to see you.
So what more do you need to
see that you're at their level?
Well, listen.
I mean, I guess I guess if I
was, like, crushing it on all fronts,
you guys wouldn't be here.
- I'm not gonna say that.
- [JOHN] Really?
I'm not gonna say that because I
believe every single person in life
can always get a little support.
But you gotta stay hungry.
- I get that 'cause it's your brand.
- [JOHN] Yeah.
- And you've created a successful brand.
- [JOHN] Yeah.
- [KARAMO] But when does John show up?
- Mmm
I think we'll give him March 13th.
- [CHUCKLES] That's it.
- [JOHN] Every other year.
- That's it. Every other year.
- That's it. That's very generous.
- [KARAMO] Yeah.
- Yeah.
But I wanna make sure is that as
you're taking care of the brand Piff,
you're also taking care of John.
Right.
That's my magic show.
And then we'll cut in
post, and we'll fix it.
You'll just disappear.
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
Guys, I'd like to say
thanks for fixing me.
It's been a great couple hours.
[TAN] Look at my wonderful work!
- We do wanna get going with the week.
- Yes.
And in order to do
that, we need you to
[FAB FIVE] Take it off!
- What?
- [CHANTING] Take it off!
Take it off! Take it off!
- [TAN] Oh yeah.
- [FAB FIVE] Take it off! Take it off!
[JADE] Come on! We got you.
John, where is your jeans?
I did not know that he's just
fully free-balling in his underwear.
I'm really sorry about it.
And maybe let's put some pants
on before he leaves with us.
[TAN] We'll cover him.
[HUMMING THE TWILIGHT ZONE THEME MUSIC]
[KARAMO] There we go! Magic!
This is the day ♪
Piff is just a character.
And I think John has forgotten
that the reason Piff is successful
is because of him.
And so he has to honor
the work that he's done,
not just give it all
over to his dragon suit.
I think that Piff the Magic Dragon
costume is his security blanket.
That he thinks that there's no
power in a wardrobe outside of Piff.
And that couldn't be
further from the truth.
John is going to be honored in
front of all of his industry's peers,
all these people he looks up to.
So he's gotta be ready to be John
in front of people feeling confident,
looking gorgeous, so he
can show up as his best self
when he wins this stunning award.
Come on, Magician of the Year award.
Pew!
This is the day ♪
[ANTONI] John doesn't have a lot
of time for romantic date nights.
But the fact that Jade
falls back on these memories
of meals that they've had, I
wanna recreate the perfect date.
Let's focus on love.
[JEREMIAH] Is that urine
or opportunity I smell?
I think the interesting
thing for me this week
is it's not necessarily a
conventional makeover in their home,
but really taking the legacy of
what John and Jade have built,
what Mr. Piffles has built.
I need to really think out of the box
and see what magic I can come up with.
Hey ♪
I was born so I could play ♪
Do it better every day ♪
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Do you want a taste?
Can you handle me? ♪
[TAN] Okay, questions.
When was the last time you shopped?
- Personally?
- Yeah.
'96.
I don't know. It was
around then. [CHUCKLES]
Now I did say to you yesterday
that we're gonna shed the dragon.
This is like a this is
like a halfway hoodie today.
I'm weaning myself
off the dragon outfit.
I'm not here to dress Piff.
If I get too concerned,
I just flip up the hood.
Bang! Back in the zone.
- Piff's back.
- It's a dragon.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I wanna focus on John
in his real life. So
Piff the Magic Dragon is over.
Okay.
What were you wearing before
you got into the hoodie world?
Did you ever "dress up" dress up?
[JOHN] Yeah, I did.
In my twenties, I was
a close-up magician
going around all these fancy parties,
so I had to wear all
these, like, nice suits.
When you were wearing those
suits back in the day in England,
were you feeling like,
"Oh, I look good in this?"
A million dollars.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna tell you something personal.
When I came to this country,
I was 140 pounds.
Okay.
- I am now 170 pounds.
- Okay.
If we're gonna learn
how to dress properly,
then, um, I'd like to not look
like a chubby little English knob.
We can put you in things
that you're gonna feel good in
and that you're not gonna focus
on whatever 30 pounds there are.
Well, I got over my complex
when I became a dragon.
We can't hide behind
that just to feel better.
- Well, we could, but
- [TAN] You are.
- That's not what I'm saying one should.
- I mean, I am.
It does hurt my heart that his stomach
is a major hindrance for how he dresses.
So I'm gonna show him how
we very quickly solve that.
[JOHN] First of all,
don't like.
Don't really like.
Don't like. Don't like.
That's a cream tee. What
do you just not like?
That. I just told you.
Yeah, he's a little bit cynical.
Yeah, he's a little bit moody.
But that's okay. He's a Brit.
No. Don't like.
Don't like this pocket. Don't
like. No, it's gross. Ugh.
That feels like I should
be in The Great Gatsby.
These aren't elasticated
at the waistband.
- [TAN] They're not.
- So they're dead to me.
Does it have to always be elasticated?
- It's pretty comfy.
- [TAN] Okay.
Let's just be honest.
I know.
All I wanna do is get
him in his first look
and show him just how
comfortable he can feel
in a more dressed-up look.
I wanna give you a trick.
So if you're feeling
self-conscious about this area,
if you have a T-shirt on
and put a second layer on
and don't close it, all they're
gonna see is this tiny sliver.
No. That's never gonna
work. Let's try it.
- Let's give it a go.
- Yep.
Okay.
Whoa.
- [TAN] Magic.
- That is actually pretty impressive.
You've got your magic tricks.
I've got mine. [CHUCKLES]
That is pretty impressive.
This is much better.
Okay. Okay, wow.
- [TAN] You legit see it.
- Yeah, I legit see it. That's a good one.
Are you now warming to a cardigan?
- This one.
- [TAN] Great.
Even though what's this
pocket for, hamsters? Come on.
[TAN] Okay, may we?
- [JOHN] Yeah.
- [TAN] Great.
Okay. I love it.
- [JOHN] I tried tucking it in.
- [TAN] You did.
Which I regret.
What is it about it you don't like?
My stomach is just like, "Oh, how
about we just sit on the waistband
like we're watching traffic?"
[TAN] I don't see what
you're talking about.
All right, well
- You really have a hang-up about it.
- Maybe I do. Yeah.
And is that why you
dress the way you dress?
I definitely like
dressing the way I dress
because everything's
- Hidden.
- Hidden away.
Okay. You're seeing
stuff that I I don't.
- Right.
- We're not gonna be able to get rid of it.
And so we need to dress
for the body we got.
When it's tucked in, it
balances out your proportions.
It makes it clear
where your torso starts.
If we untuck it, this is
gonna become quite long.
And it's gonna make you look
like you've got dinky little legs.
It's gonna make you look
way shorter than you are.
You see what it looks
like now. Untuck it.
- Oh, this looks worse! Okay.
- I know.
Once again, you and your
secret methods have won the day.
Whenever you can tuck something in
Everything's gonna be tucked in.
It's gonna give the illusion of length.
Now that we've gotten to this point,
let's make you feel
even better the next one.
All right. Let's do it.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[WHISPERS] Hi.
[TAN] Okay, John. Decent?
- Yeah. Let's go and have a look.
- Perfect.
- [JEREMIAH] Surprise!
- Oh, hello.
- Oh my God. Look at you!
- Jeremiah!
Look at this silhouette.
- How are you?
- [JOHN] Good. How are you?
You look amazing.
First, it's nice to see
you're not in a dragon.
- [JOHN] Yeah.
- No offense.
- Well, none taken.
- You look ten feet taller than I saw you.
- [TAN] Ooh!
- [JOHN] Oh!
Yes, the proportions
are working for you.
Everything looks the right size.
[TAN] It does.
It's like this is down there.
- But everyone knows my waist is here.
- Yeah.
I love them.
I'm gonna take my fancy pants
[JEREMIAH] Yes, you're
coming with me, sir.
I am your fancy chauffeur for the day.
[TAN] Have fun! Take care of him.
- I will.
- Thank you so much.
You look so much better.
This is where I wish I could go like
this. Poof! Cloud of smoke. Gone.
Catch my body ♪
Catch my body ♪
Catch my body ♪
[JEREMIAH] How did you come
up with the "Mr. Piffles?"
So I was doing my first show in
the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
- [JEREMIAH] Okay.
- It's a big comedy thing.
I was like, "Hey, this is funny."
"But I kinda need something.
It needs a gimmick."
And the girl who's running
the venue, she had a chihuahua.
And we put the chihuahua in the show.
And it was so funny, the next day,
we searched for, like, rescue
chihuahuas, and we found Mr. Piffles.
And that was 15 years ago?
It was 15 years ago.
I'm still shocked that
he has been performing
with Mr. Piffles for so long.
[JOHN] Mwah!
Mr. Piffles died three years
ago, but you'd never know.
[SNORTS]
- He's a good boy.
- He's a good boy.
- [JEREMIAH] All right. Come with me.
- [JOHN] All right.
Right this way.
- After you, sir.
- [JOHN] All right.
Excuse me, who are you?
This isn't a dragon outfit.
You look so good!
- Doesn't he look handsome?
- You were hanging out with Tan.
Yeah. Look, he fixed me.
You look great.
[JEREMIAH] I'm so jealous I'm
not staying to eat all this.
- I'll bring you a little bite later.
- Miss you guys already. Goodbye!
- Bye!
- Bye!
So I was chatting with Jade.
And she was telling me
you guys were in Cabo.
And she mentioned that you guys
had an amazing meal at a Nobu there.
- Oh, yeah.
- Do you remember the crispy rice?
Oh, yes. The tuna crispy rice.
- Yeah.
- That what we're making?
That's what we're making. You're
preparing a sexy, romantic meal
for your better half, who's
gonna be coming here later.
I'm gonna cook Jade dinner?
Yeah.
I can be in charge of
seasoning. How about that?
You're gonna be in charge of
everything. We'll do it together.
I'm gonna hold your hand
throughout the way, not literally.
Unless you really need it.
Normally, they don't
let me near the knives.
Uh, all right.
We're at the Nobu suites
above the Nobu restaurant.
So you guessed it, we're
gonna be making a dish
inspired by the Nobu menu.
I love crispy rice 'cause there's
so much that you can do with it.
And it turns out to be his and
Jade's literal favorite dish.
I wanna show him it's
really not that complicated.
- This is the leanest cut of tuna.
- Yep.
And it's frozen on purpose
'cause it's gonna make
it a lot easier to cut.
- Okay.
- We're gonna find out your knife skills.
You curl your fingers.
And then the blade goes
against your little knuckles.
And then you just slide down.
- Okay, well, it happened.
- There we go.
There you go. You're doing great.
There you go. Yeah, you
can press down. Excellent.
So now you're gonna cut one
little slice down like this.
- [JOHN] Cut them in half?
- [ANTONI] Yep.
Great job. So cut each half in half.
There we go. Just watch
out for your thumb.
There you go.
We need that thumb.
Okay, let's pivot to personal a little.
- Are you down?
- Okay. Fine.
I'm obsessed with Jade.
Who isn't obsessed with Jade?
What's not to be obsessed by?
She's like your number one
fan. She's insanely supportive.
- She's the best.
- She really is the best.
Okay. So what do you do for her
that's not work-involved
that just like
- Uh, we go to the movies.
- Okay.
I've never cooked her a proper dinner.
Well, now you are tonight.
So that changes tonight.
This doesn't have to be something
you do every single week.
I get it. You're super busy.
But once in a blue moon
to have something special
that you made for her?
Like, you wanna do that.
- You clearly love her.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's perfect.
- [ANTONI] Yeah.
So now instead of frying the rice,
like we typically do with crispy rice,
we're actually gonna be
using this lovely air fryer.
Now we got Japanese mayo.
- Okay.
- [ANTONI] Yep.
Put that in.
There we go. A little
more. Beautiful. Wow.
I think that's good.
Yeah, that's a good amount.
Smell this.
- That smells good.
- [ANTONI] Isn't that nice? Sesame oil.
Put some of that in.
There you go. That's good.
This is sriracha.
That's gonna add our heat. And
we're gonna go ahead and mix that up.
- [JOHN] Back to my favorite bit.
- [ANTONI] That's right.
Okay. I'm just cutting
up some scallions.
- [JOHN] Good idea.
- [ANTONI] Yeah. Careful. Sharp blade.
I do think I've knocked it
out the park with this tuna.
Our crispy rice.
Beautiful.
We're gonna put a little bit of
black sesames over it to garnish it.
Okay, so let's try this out now.
- It's pretty good.
- [ANTONI] It's pretty good.
- Yeah.
- [ANTONI] Mmm.
- I think we nailed it.
- Yeah.
I want him to remember
to take little moments
to appreciate the incredible
things he has in front of him.
I'm referring to Jade.
- [JADE] This is so beautiful.
- Isn't this beautiful?
This gorgeous
I hear voices.
- [JOHN] Oh, hello!
- Who have we here?
He's just washing his hands after
the meal that he prepared for you.
- Also, you look stunning.
- [JADE] No!
- I I made this.
- [ANTONI] Yep.
- [JADE] You did not!
- I did.
You look gorgeous.
- And you look so handsome.
- Thank you.
- I've learned to make our favorite dish.
- [JADE] I love it.
I've got a new superpower.
- I feel like a princess.
- Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
- Wait. Wait. Wait.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Ready?
- [CHUCKLES]
[CHAIR MOVING]
Oh my God. You're amazing.
I'm so proud of you.
This is so good.
- Here's my pitch.
- [JADE] Okay, give me a pitch.
Once every other week And
I'll, like, make a dinner.
How lucky am I?
[JOHN] We're very lucky, honey.
I got you by my side ♪
I know it'll be all right ♪
I'm not giving up ♪
I'm not giving up ♪
I'm not giving up ♪
I'm not giving up ♪
I'm not giving up ♪
I'm not giving up ♪
Hi, Tarus. How are you?
- John, Tarus.
- Hi, John.
- [JOHN] Hello.
- Nice to meet you.
I know Piff is a dragon, but
can we find his inner chameleon?
Can we allow John to express
himself in a multitude of ways?
Because he's what? Multidimensional.
Hello, gentlemen. Hello. Hello.
This is, in fact, a barbershop.
And it is frequented by heterosexuals.
So I'm a little bit
out of my comfort zone,
but you know what my therapist says?
"You don't grow when comfortable."
I think if we use the word
"fade" a lot, we'll be fine.
[CHUCKLES]
You're so cute. I can't stand it.
Do you wanna go Piff or John or both?
- I like both.
- Like, you literally don't care.
It depends. Like, you wouldn't
call Elton John by his regular name.
Do you think Elton's name isn't Elton?
- You don't know?
- [JONATHAN] No.
It's Reginald.
[JONATHAN] What?
Wow, your scalp is, like, pliable.
- Healthy, lacks tension.
- What?
Oh yeah. I've got a very loose scalp.
When you take your dragon costume
off, do you do any scalp care?
- [JOHN] No.
- No?
I just put my hat on and go.
If you wear that every day
all the time, it can't breathe.
And I can see in your scalp,
like, it is a little bit irritated.
Like, this is getting more,
like, contact and friction
with, like, fabric a lot.
So I do wanna do a little scalp massage,
calm this down so that
your scalp can breathe.
With a little bit of height,
John's face could give, like, some
square classic Hollywood vibes.
I'm gonna get Tarus for us. Yes!
So I wanna, like, pump up the volume
and show him how cute his face is.
[ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Say stop.
[LAUGHS] So what happens
after your show typically?
'Cause you were saying you'll go
out, do a little meet and greet.
- See everybody.
- [JOHN] Yeah.
[JONATHAN] Do you get
burnt-out being on the road
or just, like, overly tired or
It took me a long time
to, like, break through.
So I always have that hunger.
Even to this day, if somebody
offers me a free meal,
I can never turn it down.
Totally. I feel like 'cause
when you're in entertainment,
you don't know, like,
how long it's gonna go,
which is stressful.
[JOHN] That's the thing.
Every day is simultaneously
the best day of your life
and the worst day of
your life in some respect.
There's always, like,
some shitshow going on.
Yeah, it's intense.
So, like, even as much as you love it,
like, no one's trying to listen
to what is going on with John.
[JOHN] Yeah.
Yeah. Finding that
balance takes a while.
[JOHN] Yeah.
So after a show, this,
like where the mask sits,
like when you take your costume off,
try to get the sweat
off as fast as you can.
- Wash your face to keep your skin cute.
- [JOHN] Yeah.
How should I wear it for the award show?
I think a little bit of
volume, like a little
I was thinking like a little
bit up and to the side.
Like a little bit Tan Francey.
- Maybe I just use him as my role model.
- A stand-in.
[CHUCKLES]
Damn, Tarus, this haircut
looks good as [BEEP]
Yes.
And just a little bit of air-dry cream.
Just gives, like, a little bit of,
like, polish and texture to the hair.
Mmm! Hmm, hmm, hmm.
Okay, ready to see the new gorgeous you?
I mean, you already were gorgeous.
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] But just
a little tiny magic trick.
[IN USUAL VOICE] All
right. Three, two, one.
Wow.
Look at that.
- Do you like?
- I love it.
A little more vol.
Look how much hair I have.
You've given me another inch.
- I'm definitely five-foot-six now.
- Yes.
- I love it.
- Wow.
- Thank you.
- [JONATHAN] You're so welcome.
- Can I have a hug? Aw!
- [JOHN] Okay. Last one.
- A good hug. I know that was hard.
- Don't think I'm gonna do that again.
- [JONATHAN] I'm glad you tried though.
- An experiment.
It feels good ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
Honey, honey ♪
[KARAMO] How are you
feeling about the week?
[JOHN] Good.
- I'm having a very nice time.
- [KARAMO] Yeah?
- I just turned. Do you see yourself?
- Yeah, look up at my face.
I'm the only English magician to
have headlined a show in Las Vegas.
Like that's crazy. Innit?
- Big up.
- Yeah.
- [KARAMO] Amazing.
- It's crazy.
- Do you ever, like, take that in?
- Look, it's not Shakespeare.
- It's not like
- You don't have to say any of that.
- You can just say people love the show.
- No, you're right. People love it.
- I
- "The show I created."
The show I created.
And they come in, and I
send them away way happier
than, um
You're right. I don't have to excuse it.
Yeah. You don't.
But it's still difficult to take in.
I want John just to understand
that he deserves to honor himself.
He deserves to be thankful.
It doesn't have to be
about Piff all the time.
Because the public persona is
not matching the private persona.
This person is confident.
And this person is not.
This person feels like they
deserve to be on stage, to be seen.
And this person does not feel
like they deserve to be seen.
I think part of the reason
you get stuck in the cycle
of not being the person
outside of the costume
who can see what they've created
is because you don't take enough time
to acknowledge how special you are
and how many gifts and how
many things you've done.
'Cause I'm always powering
through onto the next thing.
Usually, I don't I just don't bother
looking at my personal
life side of my life.
- [KARAMO] Yeah.
- There's a lot of work and pressure.
- [KARAMO] Exactly.
- I've let that overshadow, uh, the fun.
It's not helping me to be,
like to, like, white-knuckle it.
It's not helping me.
- [KARAMO] It's not helping you at all.
- No.
You're aware. You're
smart. You understand.
I appreciate that.
Well, I appreciate you taking the time.
Yeah. We're not done yet. I
don't want you to think that.
I'm gonna make sure we
have fun before we're done.
Oh, we're done. It's over.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
[JOHN] Oh no. Magic
Mike Live. Here we are.
[KARAMO CHUCKLES]
[JOHN] I'm allergic to dancing.
- What what are they doing there?
- Getting ready for you.
- [JOHN] Hello.
- [KARAMO] How y'all doing? This is Piff.
- [JOHN] All your sleeves fell off.
- [KARAMO CHUCKLES]
[JOHN] Nice to meet you.
So I brought him here
because he has the confidence to
be on stage in a dragon costume.
So I'm thinking how about we
have you be on stage as you, John?
- Oh no. [SHUDDERS]
- [KARAMO CHUCKLES]
- All right, so
- [KARAMO] What can you teach us?
You'll have roses. We're gonna
teach you how to pass them out.
We'll give you a track on
how to go through and
- [JOHN] Wait. Wait.
- [MAN] Sorry about that.
So we practice doing this.
And then what happens?
- [MAN] You're a part of our show.
- You're performing tonight.
- [JOHN] What?!
- You're performing tonight.
- You're in the show tonight.
- [JOHN] Oh.
- Where's my agent?
- [ALL CHUCKLE]
Bow, chicka, wow, wow ♪
Strip down, turn around ♪
Show me what it is ♪
Show me what it is,
show me what it is ♪
- [JADE] Yay!
- [TAN] Ready for the show?
- Wholesome, right?
- Very wholesome.
- That's right. PG. All of it's very PG.
- [JADE] Yes.
We are at
what many would probably
describe as heaven on earth,
but it goes by the name Magic Mike.
- [CHEERING]
- Hey!
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
Take it off!
This is my first male strip club.
I'm just gonna go ahead and say it.
And I've never been more ready.
[JEREMIAH] We love butts!
[LAUGHS]
[JEREMIAH] Oh!
[ANTONI] Oh my God!
Ah. The dry humping.
[CHEERING]
The voracity of the dry
humping was unparalleled.
Oh my God!
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[TAN] Oh my God!
[ANTONI] Oh my God!
[JADE SCREAMS] He doesn't dance!
[JONATHAN] He does now!
Oh my God!
Oh my God. This is giving me life!
[JONATHAN] John's giving me sass.
He's giving me hips.
He's giving me sway.
He's giving me that
zhuzh. And I like it.
I love it. I want some more of it. Ah!
[JEREMIAH] Jade is excited for him.
I think she's happy to see
him up there as himself,
not hiding behind something.
And having a good time.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- [MAN] Guys, let's go.
- Yes.
- [MAN] There we go.
- [KARAMO] Yeah.
[KARAMO] Two 43-year-old men.
[JOHN] Oh, yes.
[JADE] My favorite part was
him trying to get off the piano.
[TAN] I know, sweetheart.
- Oh, hello.
- Oh my God, baby.
- You were amazing.
- Yeah?
No more Piff the Magic Dragon.
Just, uh, Magic Mike the Regular Dragon.
Yes!
[JADE CHUCKLES]
[JOHN] I did it. No
Piff the whole night.
[JADE] I'm so proud of you.
Let's light it up ♪
Nah, nah, nah, nah ♪
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ♪
Let's light it up ♪
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ♪
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ♪
Let's light it up ♪
- I'm a waiter!
- Oh my gosh!
[JOHN] Whoa, you got a fountain.
We have got a fountain. It's not
running, but there is a fountain.
You're halfway there.
- Hey, kids!
- Hello.
- Hey!
- Welcome!
Look how nice you look!
- [TAN] You know what's cute?
- I barely recognized you!
[KARAMO] Aw.
For me, it's because you covered
your haircut with that hat.
- [KARAMO] Sorry. I gave him the hat.
- He gave me the hat!
- [JONATHAN] It's okay.
- Hi. How are you?
I'm good, buddy.
Oh.
Let me tell you, one thing
that hairdressers love
is when you give someone a
haircut and then they put on a hat.
It just it really
accentuates the work perfectly,
and it really, like, shows
it off in all of its glory.
- Your face looks great.
- [TAN CHUCKLES]
Tell us about your week.
Coming into this, I had my, like,
wa my defenses up, my guard up.
And I gotta say that
every single one of you
made me, at one point,
go, "Oh, wait a minute."
"Oh, you can you
can learn from that."
Because the thing is I can
be grateful to other people,
but I didn't, like, contribute to,
you know, somebody being nice to me.
- So that's 'cause of our little talk.
- I like that.
- And the free hat.
- Yeah. That looks good on you.
Like, Jonathan, you gave me
some sweet, sweet hair tips.
- I did.
- And Tan.
- Killing it with the cardigan technique.
- Thanks!
My favorite dish at Nobu,
Antoni taught me how to make it.
She was so happy when
you made that for her.
- [JOHN] Yeah.
- It meant a lot.
She lit up.
And we I mean,
you're doing something.
You're probably wondering
what the hell I'm doing.
You'll know soon enough!
[CHUCKLES]
I wanna talk about the
outfit for the award show.
- [JOHN] Oh yeah.
- I wanna show you a couple of options.
- I wanna see what you think.
- [JOHN] This is midnight blue.
- It is. It is.
- [JOHN] Oh, that's nice.
- [TAN] Nice, isn't it?
- [JOHN] Yeah.
That's one option, as
opposed to just a lovely suit.
[JOHN] Oh.
Do you wanna try one
on and see how you feel?
- I wanna try that one on.
- [TAN] Great.
[JEREMIAH] Ah, Neon!
- Are you ready for the fashion show, Neon?
- [ANTONI] Neon loves fashion.
- [TAN] Okay, kids!
- Show us the goods!
John!
- [KARAMO] Wow.
- [JONATHAN] Oh.
- [KARAMO] You look sexy.
- You sexy slut!
- [KARAMO] Oh my gosh.
- How about that?
- [KARAMO] Yes.
- Doesn't he look so handsome?
- It makes me wanna go like this!
- [TAN LAUGHS]
Oh my God, buddy. You look so handsome.
[KARAMO] Let me tell you
what that reaction was.
We were all braced for,
like, the the Piff thing.
And you walked around that
corner, like, debonair, sexy.
You look great.
- You like it?
- Beautiful.
[JOHN] I think this is the
longest I've ever been apart
from my dragon outfit.
- I love it.
- [JEREMIAH] It looks beautiful.
[TAN] Right?
[JOHN] I don't mind being like
this. I feel pretty comfortable.
It's nice to see you look
the success that you are.
[KARAMO] Come on, Jeremiah!
- He finally contributed!
- [ALL LAUGH]
- [JOHN] Oh, yeah!
- [ANTONI] Oh! Shots fired!
- [MIMICS CARTOON SHOTS]
- [ALL LAUGH]
If you're happy with this look,
let's work on real-life John. Ready?
Yeah, I'm ready.
[CURIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
[ANTONI WHISPERS] Stunning as always.
- Everybody ready for the next look?
- [FAB FIVE] Yeah!
[TAN] Okay. All right,
my dear. Come join us.
[ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYING]
- Hey!
- Hey!
- Hi!
- [JOHN] Look who it is.
[JADE] Oh my God. Brilliant, obsessed.
[TAN] Do you recognize him?
- [JADE] No.
- [TAN] It's John.
Do you feel like a new man? Did we
finally get rid of Piff offstage?
Offstage, I feel like
I'm, like, here now.
Whereas before I was, you
know, hiding in a cupboard.
[JADE] It is so hot.
[JONATHAN] Gorgeous man!
Look how cute they look
together. Stand next to him!
- Look at that!
- [KARAMO] Oh!
- [TAN] That is gorgeous.
- [JEREMIAH] Hey!
[JONATHAN] Oh, I like when
your lips touch like that!
- And I like when she touches his face.
- It makes you wanna strap
- Grab my breasts!
- [TAN] And the way she touches his face.
- Oh, I love that! Oh!
- [JEREMIAH] Even Mr. Piffles is growling.
- [FAB FIVE] Oh!
- Perfection.
[TAN] Wow!
I have to tell you, I thought
that the almost floor-length
leather dress would stop her.
But I was wrong.
She can split in anything.
And I am going to enjoy
it every single time.
I just wanna state for the record
that it has been an absolute
pleasure meeting you guys.
I actually have a really big surprise
that I'd like to share with you guys.
- So if everybody will please come with me.
- Oh my gosh!
- Yes!
- Mr. Piffles, you lead the way.
I know you're probably wondering
what the hell has Jeremiah
been up to this entire time?
- [JOHN] What do you do?
- Well, I do home.
It turns out your home
didn't need much work.
- So take your blindfolds off and see.
- [KARAMO] I got you.
- [JONATHAN] And there we go.
- [JOHN] Wow!
- Oh my God! This is so cool!
- Piffles!
[JEREMIAH] Mr. Piffle's
Magical Playground ♪
- [JADE] Oh my God! It looks so good!
- [JEREMIAH] Come on in!
- Oh my God. This is amazing!
- [KARAMO] Here you go. Come on in.
[JADE] A fountain!
This is a French limestone
antique fountain that we
And we also tripled the size.
[JOHN] Didn't see that
coming. Good job, bud.
- [JADE] Look, that's you! Brilliant!
- [JONATHAN] It's John.
I love the fact that your sign's there.
You're such a part of this
community in this area.
And now he's got a little legacy here.
- And it's his.
- Oh my gosh, baby. Look!
In Mr. Piffle's Playground.
[JOHN] Now you own it, Piffles.
Yes. You own it, little guy.
[JOHN] All right. Come on,
buddy. You gotta christen it.
- Yay!
- [JOHN] Here it comes.
- [JONATHAN] Is he gonna pee?
- [KARAMO] Yay, Mr. Piffles!
[JOHN] Well, it's a long
one. It's a long one.
As a pet parent of three dogs,
this is giving me important.
This is giving me legacy.
This is giving me community.
- Really was holding it.
- [JEREMIAH] Wow!
[ANTONI] Good for him.
It's better than your dog
taking a big old number two,
like, on an indoor casino.
[JOHN] Oh, it's such an upgrade
for dogs everywhere at the Flamingo.
[JEREMIAH] Should we open
it up to all the doggies?
I now declare Mr. Piffles's Paradise
open to all dogs for a nominal fee.
[LAUGHING]
Provided they buy at least
four tickets for the show.
- [KARAMO] Yeah!
- Yay!
- [JADE] Come on in! Hi, come on!
- [JEREMIAH] That's my cue. Gotta go.
The truth is, it makes me really happy.
If you knew how complicated it has been
to make this Mr. Piffles' park
But it was all worth it because
now when you walk past it,
when John drives to work every day,
he's gonna see where it all started
and hopefully where it's gonna go.
- Group hug.
- [ALL] Yay!
[JEREMIAH] We're gonna miss you guys.
- [ANTONI] We really will.
- We're gonna miss you.
- [JEREMIAH] All right. Oh!
- Thank you for everything.
What do you say, Piffles?
"Thanks, everyone. I'm really grateful."
- Oh, what a polite, young dog.
- [TAN] Good luck at the award show.
[KARAMO] We love you very much.
Won't you tell 'em what we do, girl? ♪
You know we slay, girl ♪
Slay ♪
[ANTONI] Oh! Perfect timing.
[TAN] I love you made a
drink that matches my outfit.
- [ANTONI] Just for you, Tanny.
- [TAN] Thank you.
It's cranberry and soda.
Calm down. And lime juice.
- Oh wow.
- Jackie? You need that cranberry juice.
- Yeah.
- Your UTI is rough right now.
- Yeah.
- [KARAMO] Samantha!
- Yeah, so pivot.
- [TAN] Yeah?
- Um
- [KARAMO] To Piffle?
Pivot to Piff!
[KARAMO] Pivot to Piff!
- [ANTONI] Should we go sit and watch?
- [JEREMIAH] Let's go watch.
[JOHN] What's another word for
"bastard"? I'm writing my speech.
You still have to blow-dry your
hair. I have to finish my makeup.
- [JONATHAN] Damn, Jade looks hot.
- Jade is
She's here to help you get ready, sir.
- I feel like I'm going to the Met Gala.
- [TAN] Oh!
[JADE] I really do.
Everyone is gonna freak out
when he sees you in the tux.
[JOHN] This is the first time
I'll be on stage as
John in, like, 15 years.
There's gonna be mouths
open, people shocked.
It'll be interesting if
John feels more confident
giving a speech as himself.
- Not dressed as Piff.
- Right.
[JADE] I love it.
[JOHN] You know, I'm pretty happy
to go out there and be myself.
No more dragon outfit.
This is the future.
Oh, he looks great.
- Look how he's smiling.
- [TAN] He's a handsome man.
- I love you so much.
- I love you too.
Thank you.
- [JOHN] Hello. Come in.
- Hi!
- [TAN] Aw!
- Oh, his parents are gorgeous!
- [GASPS] Look at Mr. Piffles!
- [KARAMO] Oh, Mr. Piffles!
- [JOHN] How do we look?
- Absolutely terrific.
Very proud.
Did you ever think you'd see
me outside the dragon outfit?
No.
[LAUGHING]
[JONATHAN] His moment.
- Hello.
- Time to go backstage!
Let's do it.
[JEREMIAH] Look how
big of an award this is.
- [KARAMO] Wow.
- [JEREMIAH] It's a big deal.
What a unique and quirky room.
- It's, like, all magicians.
- Oh, yeah.
- It's kind of my worst nightmare.
- [KARAMO] Wow.
[APPLAUSE]
Oh, he is nervous. He's
doing the lip bite that I do.
[JEREMIAH] Okay. Sh, sh, sh.
[MAN] Here to present the 2023
Magician of the Year award,
Penn and Teller.
Congratulations, Piff the Magic Dragon,
on getting Magician of the Year!
We love you.
[CHEERING]
[MAN] Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for
your 2023 Magician of the Year,
John van der Put.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Thanks. That We don't have time.
We don't have time. I'm too grateful.
[CHUCKLING]
[JOHN] All right, first of all,
to all my friends and all my
relations who've been with me, uh
I'm a professional dragon.
Do you understand how
understanding you have to be
to be a friend and relation of this?
Thank you. Thank you.
I'll give you cash.
[LAUGHING]
To Jade, who is my partner in
crime, my Thelma to my Louise,
thank you, honey. I love
you with all my heart.
- Thank you.
- [FAB FIVE] Aw.
That woman has been his rock.
And finally, to Mr. Piffles,
who is in the house tonight.
- [TAN] Yeah, he is!
- [CROWD CHEERS]
The world's only
magic-performing chihuahua.
Although you had many, many
opportunities over the years to go solo,
thank you for not doing it.
[LAUGHING]
I'll end with this.
There are there are
people in this business
that say it's not about the money.
It's not about the fame.
It's not about the awards.
But you know something?
Those people have never
won Magician of the Year.
[LAUGHING]
It really helps! I'm
so grateful. Thank you.
Oh, well done!
[JEREMIAH] Great job, John.
Yeah!
We're going home with gold, baby!
Hi.
[JOHN] How was my speech? You happy?
[JADE] You were amazing. We
love you. We're so proud of you.
I feel that something may happen.
- [JOHN] Jade?
- Yes.
[JOHN] Just before everybody gets here.
This has been a very
special night for me.
And I wanted it to be a
very special night for us.
[GASPS]
No.
[JOHN] This is something I
should've done a long, long time ago.
- [KARAMO SCREAMS]
- [ANTONI] No!
Jade, would you like to spend
the rest of your life with me?
[VOICE BREAKING] Are you serious?
Ah!
- It's a yes or no scenario.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes.
And she's like, "Yeah, yeah,
yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!"
[JADE] Oh my God! Come on.
- [KARAMO] Good for them!
- [JOHN] I love you.
Are you really serious? Like, this
- Yeah.
- Oh my God.
Oh, I'm really happy for them.
You're crying.
[JOHN] Did you ever
think it was coming? No?
- I would've lived with you forever.
- [JOHN] Oh!
- [TAN] Aw.
- [KARAMO] That's so sweet.
[JONATHAN] The patience. Ten years.
- Ten years, girl.
- Honey, that is the patience of a nation.
[ANTONI] Yeah.
Well, you'll always be
grateful to those five guys.
I guess you probably have to do
their children's birthday parties.
- Okay. [CHUCKLES]
- [JOHN] Yeah.
Wow. I gave him a little bit
of volume, and he grew wings.
[CHUCKLING]
[JADE] Hi.
- [JACKIE] Welcome to the family.
- [JADE] I love you.
- [LEN] We love you.
- [TAN] I'm so happy for them.
Sometimes as entertainers,
and especially as comedians,
it's really hard to slow down
long enough to smell the roses
and appreciate the
journey you've been on.
He did the work to get here.
And he no longer needs
to feel like an imposter.
My hope for John is, is
that he gets to take risks.
And just live the happiest of lives.
With that beautiful lady by his side.
How about we have a toast to
Jade and our life together, honey?
- [LEN] Hear, hear!
- [WOMAN] Whoo!
- Cheers.
- [ALL CHEER]
- [KARAMO] To John and Jade!
- John and Jade!
- [KARAMO] Cheers!
- [TAN] That's another proposal!
[UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING]
- [JOHN] Are you ready to learn a trick?
- [ANTONI] Ready.
[JOHN] You have any favorite cards?
The ace of hearts.
[JOHN] The ace of hearts. Let's
find it. Yeah. There it is.
Write your name on it.
Antoni.
- Okay.
- [JOHN] All right.
So place it back in the deck.
- [ANTONI] Okay.
- [JOHN] About halfway down. Happy?
Here's the deal.
I got a little something for you.
You have to give the dog a treat.
[ANTONI] Okay.
You gotta finish the lid of
the can off with your fingers.
Oh, it is dog food. I didn't
know what I was gonna find.
- Empty?
- [ANTONI] Yeah.
No! Stop!
[JOHN] Ta-da! Oh!
[ANTONI] That's wild!
Good job.
[JOHN] Thanks, Antoni.
[JOHN] Would you like to choose a card?
- Yes.
- Spread them out. [EXHALES]
You're gonna write your name in
big letters all over the front.
- Name your card.
- King of hearts.
I'm really excited. Is it
gonna come out of my hole?
- [JOHN] Yes.
- [JONATHAN] Ah!
- [JOHN] I need to borrow the gloves.
- Here it is!
[JOHN] Just go all the way through.
Moment of truth.
[KARAMO] There's no way.
[JOHN] I don't even wanna touch it.
- Turn it over.
- [LAUGHS]
- [MAN] Show them!
- [KARAMO] There's no way!
Is that yours?
I have to tell you I forgot
what I picked. [LAUGHS]
[JOHN] You bastard.
Too stressed.
One, two, three. All the way.
Is there a hole anymore?
- [TAN] No!
- No! That's the point!
Very well done!
[JONATHAN] What card
do I have in my hand?
- Ten of hearts.
- [JONATHAN] Ew.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]