Columbo (1971) s09e04 Episode Script

Mrs Dimitri has asked a lot of questions about my wife.
- She even wants to meet her.
- It would not be a good idea.
Lieutenant, come with me right away.
- They've taken your wife to the hospital.
- What?! Tonight on "Columbo" - We could go back to my place and - Not your place, not your bed, Leland.
Maybe she just got tired of her husband hitting on her best friend.
She never knew about that, swear to God.
Unless you told her.
- Do you think I killed him?! - Oh, no, ma'am.
No, no.
"I am the resurrection, and the life.
" "The man who believes in me will live, even if he dies," and every living person who puts faith in me "will never suffer eternal death.
" "Lord, you wept at the death of Lazarus, your friend, comfort us in our sorrow.
" - "We ask this in faith.
" - Lord, hear our prayer.
"You raise the dead to life: Give our sister eternal life.
" - "We ask this in faith.
" - Lord, hear our prayer.
- "Bring our sister to the joys of heaven.
" - Lord, hear our prayer.
"Our sister was washed clean in baptism and anointed with the oil of salvation: Give her fellowship with all your saints" Why don't you cry? Dammit I cried.
Oh, yes, Lieutenant, I could give you lessons on that.
Don't you understand? Hasn't it hit you yet your precious wife has gone for good, dead and gone? And, oh, how I've waited and prayed for this moment.
Don't worry, my dear friend, you'll be joining her soon enough but not until you've felt the pain, the way I did.
I'm entitled to that much, even though it happened to you.
But you'll know soon enough cos I'm going to tell you, when it's too late for you to do anything about it, you stupid Columbo just like Charlie was.
Poor Charlton he never saw it coming.
I realise the master suite isn't too big, but the wall to the adjoining guest room could be knocked down.
"Not too big"?! Back in Virginia, we had a stable smaller than that bathroom! George, you make it sound like we lived in a shack.
I'm beginning to think we did.
Don't misunderstand, Mrs Dimitri.
The house is gorgeous I knew you'd love it, even if it's a hair above your limit.
You've got that right, little lady.
Back in Warrenton, we had ourselves a real fine place on 50 prime acres.
Sold it for a million, one.
I come out here and you show me this house for six million.
Look, Mr Thornwood, there are a couple of properties I could have shown you that go for as little as, say, three and a half, four million, but you wouldn't like the house or the neighbourhood.
- Try me.
- George, don't be such a bore! It took you nine years to get out of that dreadful city, and we are not going back! - Charlton Chambers Real Estate.
- Hi, Dede.
Is he there? Hi, Mrs Dimitri.
He's got Abe with him.
- I'm gonna make his day.
- I hope so.
He just spent an hour with Mr Connolly and his lawyer.
Hang on.
Abe, you're making this house look like a dump! It is a dump.
I want low-angle shots, make it look bigger.
I don't wanna see the place next door.
Also, I want the flower garden in the foreground.
Make it look like San Simeon.
I'm good, but I don't work miracles.
Yeah, Dede? Mrs Dimitri on line one, sir.
She says it's muy importante.
I'll take it.
I want a new set first thing tomorrow.
- You want me to shoot in the dark?! - Don't argue with me, just do it.
Do it.
- Hi, babe.
What's up? - My income.
I unloaded the Smiths' place to some tourists.
That white elephant? What did you get? Five? Five, seven in ready, with a binder for $250,000.
Vivian, I knew the day I hired you you were a born thief.
I learned from the master.
There's some contingencies in this I need to discuss, but I am wiped out right now.
Suppose we get together this evening - say, 7:30 at the office? It's Friday night - everybody's gone by six.
Besides, there's a game at the arena.
I have been running on adrenaline fumes since Tuesday afternoon.
I need a nap and a bath, before my wheels come off.
Sure, Vivian.
Whatever you say.
7:30.
Incidentally, what's new at Falcon Ridge? - Been served with any subpoenas lately? - A macabre sense of humour! Dede said Mitchell Connolly burst in again - with a lawyer.
Don't worry about Connolly and those crybabies - they'll fade away.
Especially that ape Connolly.
See you tonight.
Bye, Charlie.
Vivian, it's Dr Steadman.
I was concerned when I didn't hear from you last week.
I hope everything's all right.
I know how well you've been coping, but you're not superhuman.
I think you still need support, if not from me, then from a psychiatrist in LA.
As I've told you, I'd be happy to recommend someone.
Give me a call when you get a chance, either here at the hospital or at my home.
You have both numbers.
Yes, Frances? It's your real-estate woman on the phone, Mr St John.
Oh, thanks.
I'll take it.
- Vivian.
I was just thinking about you.
- I've been thinking about you.
- Am I gonna see you tonight? - Of course.
I was afraid your wife might change her mind about her trip to Sacramento.
Elizabeth is pathologically dedicated to the plight of the condor.
Damn bird's nothing but an overgrown vulture who deserves to be extinct.
Well, I've a few things to attend to in the office.
Suppose we make it 8:30? Excellent.
I've discovered this wonderful little Italian ristorante in Venice.
Not in the mood.
We agreed on the Penthouse Café.
Besides, I'm feeling sentimental.
Humour me.
If only you weren't so damn persuasive! Good.
So we'll meet at 8:30.
Over the vichyssoise, we can discuss real estate.
Of course, darling.
Till then.
Real estate! - Police HQ.
- Lieutenant Columbo, please.
- He's not in right now.
- Is he still on vacation? This is his dentist office.
I understood he'd be back today.
He's back, but he doesn't report in until tomorrow morning.
- I see.
Early tomorrow morning? - Probably around 8:00.
I'm sure you can get him at home.
No, that's OK, I'll call back tomorrow.
Thank you.
You dummy! Beautiful - give him a free shot! Why don't we give him two free shots?! Losing another one, Charlie? Matter of fact, I'm up by seven.
I just like the aggravation.
Anyway, with these guys, seven points is nothing.
- How about a drink? - Sure.
Rum and Coke, for old times' sake.
- You look pretty sharp.
You got a date? - It's Friday night, Charlie.
Mind if I turn it off? I like to hear myself think.
Sure, go ahead.
- Rum and Coke, huh? - Mm-hm.
I haven't seen you drink one of these since ten years ago, when you and Pete and me and Rita were hitting the high spots.
- And some that weren't so high, right? - I remember those dives you loved.
Is that why Rita finally gave up on you - she couldn't stand the atmosphere? Maybe she just got tired of her husband hitting on her best friend.
She never knew about that, swear to God.
Unless you told her.
Me? What for? Maybe if I thought you were a problem.
But I never took you that seriously.
You were all talk then.
Like now.
Nothing changes.
What are you doing? Biting the hand that feeds you? I don't deserve that crack.
I'm sorry, I forgot.
You're the guy who rescued me from the rubber room, brought me back to LA, put me in a nice house, gave me a job.
- Now that you mention it - Ten years.
A lot of water under the bridge.
Rita walks out on you, Pete leaves me.
I mean not like he had a choice when the state slaps you with ten to 20 for manslaughter, tosses you in San Quentin.
You don't have a lot of options.
Don't torture yourself, Viv.
That part of your life's done with.
Forget it.
Pete What a trip.
Right, Charlie? Stock market went sour.
He couldn't pull back.
No, not Pete.
He had to dip into his client's account.
Because of me, he said.
He promised me nothing but the best, and he wouldn't settle for less.
Too bad his head wasn't as big as his heart.
He might have gotten away with it.
Remember the market snapped back? He could have replaced his client's money.
But he never got the chance somebody called his boss and told him what he was doing.
Yeah, somebody in his office.
Mm-hm.
Yeah, that's right, Charlie.
Wasn't that what we figured - somebody from his office? He didn't know that when he killed that client.
You remember - the guy who was threatening to go to the cops.
No, he never should have killed that guy, Vivian.
He shouldn't have done a lot of things.
We all shouldn't have done a lot of things.
Pete did a lot of stupid things, but I loved him.
And he loved me, and what he did, he did for me.
Eight years he was locked up.
One or two more years and he would have been out of there.
Prison killed him.
He had a heart attack.
He he never exercised He was killed by the prison, Charlie, and the people who put him there.
That police lieutenant who hounded him and hounded him.
- Why don't we talk about it tomorrow? - And the man who informed.
It all started with him.
I mean, you do know, don't you, Charlie? Of course you do.
Because you're the one who made the phone call.
Who told you that? You knew what he was up against.
He asked for help and you turned him down.
That was bad enough.
But then you had to go and make the lousy phone call?! All cos you wanted to get in the sack with his wife, and you figured you might have a better chance if he was sent to prison.
You you are nuts! You've been hitting the sauce.
Go home and sleep it off.
Tomorrow - No, Charlie, you do nothing tomorrow.
- Are you crazy? Put that gun away! Do you know how long I've known about this? Ten years.
I didn't do anything cos all I wanted was Pete out of there.
So I kept quiet.
No mess, no waves.
And after he died it took me a year to snap back.
And now there's nothing left to keep you alive.
Vivian, I swear it wasn't me! First you, then the cop.
See you in hell.
Darling, I am sorry I am late.
Charlie and I were wrestling over a difficult sale.
I lost track of time.
How late am I? For you, that's a record.
The usual? Scotch on the rocks with a twist? No, Carlos, I think I'll have a rum and Coke.
- You've gotta be kidding! - Call me quirky, but I'm celebrating a very big sale.
You are a lovely man, and that is a very generous offer, but no thanks.
You don't need Chambers.
What for? I'll supply the investment capital, and you'll supply the expertise.
- What would your wife think about that? - What should she think? What we do is our business.
On every level.
No, I couldn't do that to Charlie.
He put me back on my feet when I needed it the most.
- I owe him too much.
- Oh, yeah.
What is it you owe him? You hint around a lot.
Am I missing something? Nothing that really concerns you.
We've known each other six months - since you sold Elizabeth and I the house but it occurs to me that I don't know the first thing about you.
Which is exactly how I intend to keep it.
Now, be a dear and order a black coffee and some brandy while I powder my nose.
Waiter.
Mm I was beginning to worry about you.
Sorry, I got to chatting with this woman who almost listed her house with me.
Seven months later, it's still not sold.
So what's on the agenda? We could go back to my place.
I've got this new tape of Sinatra oldies.
Not your place, not your bed, Leland.
You know how I feel about that.
Well, as a backup, I did reserve this rather nice room at a motor inn in the Palisades.
I'll follow you.
What time is it? Almost 2:00.
Wonderful.
- Where are you going? - Home.
- Home?! - Mm-hm.
The night is young yet, darling.
Wrong, Leland.
Besides, I need my sleep.
And I really prefer not to be seen leaving here in the cold light of dawn.
It was lovely, as always, though.
"Almighty God, through the death of your son on the cross you have overcome death for us.
" "Through his burial and resurrection from the dead, you have made the grave a holy place and restored to us eternal life.
" "We pray for those who died believing in Jesus, and are buried with him in the hope of rising again.
" Look at that poor guy - like a zombie.
How come things like this happen to nice people? His wife must have been nice, too.
He was always talking about her.
I can't believe he's a cop.
The first time I saw him, I thought he was a I don't know, I wasn't sure what he was.
That was last Saturday morning, after I found Charlton's body.
- Are you sure you're all right, ma'am? - I'm fine, really.
Thank you, Sergeant.
You just sit tight.
The lieutenant will wanna ask you more questions.
Right.
Well, what do you know about that! - Got something, Lieutenant? - Chambers must know everybody.
You know who this is? Grace Kelly.
This guy Chambers, with his arm around Grace Kelly.
It's not Grace Kelly, it's Kim Novak.
- Are you sure? - Sure I'm sure.
Having your arm around Kim Novak, that's not bad either.
Kellerman, did you happen to notice that cheque on the desk? - Yeah, I saw that.
- $250,000.
And it's a deposit.
- Did I read that wrong? - No, you read that right.
When I bought my house, you could buy the whole block for $250,000.
The whole block! The world's going to hell with itself, you know that? - I know that, Lieutenant.
- I found that guy's topcoat in the closet.
- Anything in the pockets? - No, sir.
Not much - a pack of gum, nine cents, an old Kleenex and this scrap of paper with a bunch of initials and numbers on it.
"KP - 2 - 600CL - +6.
800.
" - A combination or something? - I don't know what it is.
- Lieutenant? He's all yours.
- Thank you, Bernie.
Hang on to this, Sergeant.
I'll look it over later when I've got some more time.
All right.
- Excuse me - I work here.
It's all right, Sergeant.
Dede.
What happened? A policeman outside told me Charlie is dead.
- Somebody killed him.
- What?! - Last night sometime.
- Why? How? - Did somebody break in? Was it robbery? - I don't know anything, Mrs Dimitri.
I just found him, that's all.
Oh, God! Oh Oh, Dede! Oh, my God, Dede, I should never have left him here by himself.
Miss Perkins? May I see you a minute? When you came in this morning, did you touch anything? No, sir.
It's just that all these drawers were shut tight except this one.
Could you tell me if something was missing? I really couldn't say until I crosscheck with my own files.
- Would you do that for me? - Certainly.
- Do you think it was robbery? - I don't know, ma'am.
I mean, it wasn't your normal robbery.
The man had his watch, his ring and over $200 in his wallet.
Uh Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
I I wasn't thinking.
I'll just cover him up.
The coroner should be here any minute.
Thank you.
I know that this is difficult for you.
Um do you know if he had any appointments last night? If he was expecting someone is what I mean.
I may be the last person who saw him alive, Officer.
Ma'am? Mr Chambers and I had a a meeting here at 7:30 last night, to go over the terms of an offer on a house that we represent.
Oh, then you're, uh - Mrs Dimitri, the salesperson? - Vivian Dimitri, yes.
Lieutenant, if you don't mind, I'd sooner wait outside.
Certainly, ma'am.
Yes, go right ahead.
- That's Lieutenant? - Lieutenant Columbo, ma'am.
Homicide.
This is some house! - "5.
7 million", is that what that says? - That's right.
What kind of house sells for 5.
7 million? Must have a lot of bedrooms.
Eight, I think.
What is it, some kind of mansion? Not exactly - it needs a little work.
Needs work?! You mean it's a fixer? I wouldn't go that far.
A-About last night Oh! Excuse me, ma'am.
Officer? Do we have some kind of paper around here - this morning's paper? - I haven't seen one.
- Well, see if you can find one.
- Which paper do you want, sir? - Any paper.
Whatever you can find.
- Uh what was I saying? - About last night.
Oh, right, last night.
Uh Was anybody else here with you, ma'am? Besides Charlie? No.
We were alone.
Friday night - Fridays we close at six.
Except last night you came back to go over these papers.
Commission like this, I'd come back at midnight, stay till Halloween.
And how long did you stay, Mrs, uh - Dimitri.
Mrs Dimitri? And I assure you, Lieutenant, when I left Mr Chambers was alive and well.
- So you left around 8:15? - I guess so, give or take five minutes.
And when you left Mr Chambers was still here, working? Yes.
And when you left, ma'am did you lock up? No.
I assumed Charlie would do that when he left.
- Why? - Well, somebody came in after you left.
If the door was locked, Mr Chambers would have had to have let 'em in.
But if it was already open, anybody could have walked in and surprised him.
Oh I see.
Of course.
Would you mind telling me, ma'am, after you left where did you go? Why? Is that important? Probably not, but I like to keep things neat.
I told you, Lieutenant, he was alive when I left.
- Where I went is really immaterial.
- Possibly so, ma'am.
I went home, Lieutenant, to a cold supper, a hot tub and bed.
I see.
Would your husband be able to verify that, ma'am? - I'm a widow.
I live alone.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realise.
When you said "Mrs" I just assumed OK, well, never mind about that.
So you went home and you went to bed and you stayed home the rest of the night - is that right? That's right.
Why are you asking me all these questions about my whereabouts? - Do you think I killed him?! - No, nothing like that.
It's just that, you see, we found his wallet, and it had over $200 in it - $10, $20 bills and this receipt from one of those automatic tellers.
You see the date - that's last night - and the time he withdrew the cash: 9:45.
Very strange.
Oh, no, not if you knew Charlie.
He hated walking around without cash in his pockets.
He grew up poor.
He used to tell me that money made him feel secure.
So he left the office, withdrew some cash, then he came back to the office and then somebody came in.
Hmm yeah.
- Lieutenant? - What do you say, fellas? - Whenever you're through with him.
- I'm all done.
You can take him.
Why don't we go out there? Poor kid.
I feel sorry for her.
She and Charlie were really close.
He was like an uncle to her.
It's too bad she had to find him like that, instead of you.
She mentioned you usually come in early on Saturday, get organised - 7:00, 7:30.
I usually do, but yesterday was a very tough day, I just overslept.
- I was so tired I forgot to set my alarm.
- Perfectly understandable, ma'am.
I'm just gonna look around a little bit more.
It was very nice meeting you.
Oh, excuse me.
Lieutenant? Here's your newspaper.
Oh Yeah OK.
OK.
- The paper? - The paper? The little sheet of paper, the scrap of paper.
Yes, sir.
Here.
OK "KP.
" KP Aha! "CL.
" Aha! - You got something, sir? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I got something.
Yeah.
And 200 Oh, right.
Right.
- Excuse me.
- Can I help you? I certainly hope so.
This man have you ever seen him before? I can't say that I have.
Uh, I think it would help, sir, if you looked at the picture.
I don't need to look at it.
We get a lot of people in here, and I got a lousy memory.
- Morning, Club.
- Morning, Cleo.
Yes, I can see that you get a lot of transients.
Lieutenant Columbo from the police.
- We gave it the office.
- Come again? Mr Schneider, the owner he acknowledged that everything's been taken care of.
- Been taken care of.
- Oh, you mean No, I didn't come about that.
Come on! When are you guys gonna quit? People come here for a good time.
OK? You got something against a good time? Or maybe you want something on the side? Do you wanna get fixed up? Is that it? - You guys is something else! - What's that guy's name? You mean Joe? Say, uh, Lieutenant, whatever you wanna do about Joe, I couldn't care less.
He's a pain in the butt - he ties up my phone.
If you ask me, he gives this place a bad name.
Right.
Thank you very much.
- Excuse me.
Joe? - Yeah, I'm Joe.
- Who are you? - I'm a friend of Charlton's.
Charlton Chambers, the real-estate man? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Sure, sure.
What can I do for you? - Wanna get something down? - Me? No, thanks.
I never bet.
Maybe once a month - the lottery.
Then what do you wanna see me for? I wanna ask you a few questions.
Questions? - What did you say your name was? - Columbo.
Lieutenant Columbo.
And I wanna talk to you about this.
- Lieutenant.
Good morning.
- Morning.
- Beautiful day.
- It's gorgeous.
I'm gardening.
Is there something I can help you with? Just a few questions.
I'll just tag along.
- Are you sure? This can wait.
- No, I love flowers.
So does my wife.
- Does she have a garden? - You couldn't actually call it that.
It's nothing like this.
More like a flowerbed.
Actually, if you wanna know the truth, she's got a dead thumb.
- A what? - A dead thumb.
Like a green thumb, only the other way around - everything she plants dies.
So what happens is, she goes out and buys a lot of flowers.
That's OK.
Some women like furs and jewels, my wife likes flowers.
- She sounds like a very nice woman.
- Oh, yes, ma'am.
- How long have you been married? - 28 years next January.
Or is it 29? I know it's not 30 - that one I'd remember.
- I'm sure you love her very much.
- That I do, ma'am.
That I do.
I wouldn't know what to do without her.
So, Lieutenant, you said you had questions.
Anything to do with the policeman who canvassed the neighbourhood about me? Yes, ma'am.
I have a problem.
Here's what it is.
You said you left the office the night Mr Chambers was killed around 8:15 and went straight home.
The medical examiner can only guess at the actual time of death.
After ten, 12 hours it gets a little hard to be specific.
But because we know that Mr Chambers made the bank withdrawal, his death had to have occurred sometime after 9:45 probably closer to 10:00, 10:30.
The medical examiner said it couldn't have been later than that.
- What's your point, Lieutenant? - Well, it's just that if you were home, that'd be fine.
But the thing is, we can't find anybody who actually saw you come home at the time that you said, or could even verify that you were home.
- You think I killed Charlie?! - Oh, no, no.
It's just procedure.
We have to check out the people that were closest to the victims the wife, the in-laws and the friends.
And it's my impression that you were as close to Mr Chambers as anybody.
Lieutenant, I did not kill the man.
I had no reason to kill the man.
I was home by 8:30, no matter what my neighbours may say.
I'm sure you're right, ma'am.
I just wish I could verify it for the record.
Look, I came home, I put my car in the garage, I went in the house, turned out the lights, fell in bed.
- They may have thought I wasn't home.
- Turned out the lights and went to sleep? There's something off here.
Hold the phone.
Here's what I wrote down.
"Mrs Dimitri said, 'I went home to a cold supper, a hot tub and then bed.
"' - You must have written it down wrong.
- No, ma'am, no.
- No, I don't think I did.
- What difference does it make? I don't spend my evenings spying on my neighbours.
I could have been standing naked in the window that doesn't mean somebody had to see me.
Yes, ma'am, but there's something else.
You said you put your car in your garage.
But we found a couple of people - early-morning joggers, your paper boy who saw your car in the driveway that morning, not in the garage.
And nobody saw it in the driveway that night, not at nine or ten or even midnight.
- Do you see my problem? - Oh, God! - Ma'am? - I can't tell you.
I can't do this to him.
Do what to whom? Ma'am, if you can shed any light on this, I wish you would.
OK, Lieutenant.
I didn't come straight home that night.
I went out to dinner with someone, a man I know.
Do we have to drag him into this? I have to get things straight for the record.
- How long did this dinner take? - About an hour and a half.
I see.
That'd make it around ten.
And then we went to a hotel together.
Oh.
I see.
All right, hotel And we were together until about 2am.
- Is there anything else you need to know? - No, I get the picture.
I mean Yes, there is one more thing - the man's name! Oh, please, Lieutenant.
He he's a married man.
It'd be terrible if this came out.
I appreciate that, and I don't wanna cause him any trouble, but I have to have the man's name.
"Father, god of all consolation," in your unending love and mercy for us, you turn the darkness of death into the dawn of new life, show compassion to your people in their sorrow, "be our refuge and our strength, to lift us from the darkness of" Will this never end? I can't believe I'm here! I hardly know the man, and I certainly don't like him very much.
I wonder why he asked me to come.
Maybe it was Vivian's idea - Lord knows why! Hello! Vivian! Over here, love.
Why don't you look at me? Can't meet my eyes? No, I daresay you can't.
I suppose you're proud of yourself Elizabeth may file for divorce because you couldn't keep your mouth shut! Oh, indeed, that was a morning to remember.
- Yeah! - Oh, nice, Leland.
What's your handicap? That's 50 more.
And don't whine, Jerry.
All right, double or nothing on the next one.
Who's this? A friends of yours, or a process server? Excuse me.
- Mr St John? - Yes.
I'm sorry to trouble you, sir, but, uh I need a few minutes of your time.
Can't this wait? I'm scheduled to tee off in 12 minutes.
- I wish it could, sir.
- If it's about some traffic violation Uh it concerns a homicide, sir.
See you on the tee, Jerry.
Do pick up your feet - you shouldn't be walking on a green in those shoes! - Come on, come over here.
- I'm sorry.
Now, what's all this about, um? Columbo.
Lieutenant Columbo.
Would you mind telling me your whereabouts last Friday night, say, from about 8:30 to 2:30? None of your business - unless you suspect me of killing someone.
No, sir, I don't.
But I do need it to verify an alibi.
Ah! Vivian Dimitri - you think she killed Charlton Chambers.
That's impossible.
Does that mean that you were with the lady? - I don't care to answer that.
- I think you just did.
- But I need it for the record.
- You're putting me in a difficult position.
I'm a married man, and my wife's sense of charity does not extend far.
But this is just routine, sir.
It's for my information only.
It doesn't even have to go into the report.
Mr St John, your group's up next.
Mrs Dimitri joined me for dinner at 8:30.
We spent the remainder of the evening at a hotel.
She left after 2am.
- Does that satisfy you? - Perfectly, sir.
Thank you very much.
- Except - Except what? From 8:30 till when she left, - was she ever out of your sight? - No.
- Never? - I just told you that.
That lady must have some constitution! I know my wife, she can't go anywhere, especially to dinner, - without at least once going to the ladies'.
- Lieutenant! A lady's right to go to the powder room is a given.
But I assure you, she wasn't away for more than five or six minutes.
- Now, will you excuse me? - Absolutely, sir.
- And thank you very much.
- Thank you very much.
Mr St John, your group is waiting on the tee.
Uh, excuse me.
Sir? Just one more thing.
- This restaurant, the Penthouse Café - Shh! Was that your idea? - It's a very special place for both of us.
Frankly, I was tired of the food, but Vivian was a sentimentalist and insisted.
Anything else? No? Good.
If you think of anything else, call me at the office.
I'm playing golf.
Yes, sir.
Have a good game.
And thank you very much! - You're in late today.
- It's been that kind of day, Gracie.
Say if you see anything moving in that chilli - it's Wednesday's.
Just the way I like it.
- Lieutenant.
- Oh, hiya, Brady.
- We got a break on the Chambers killing.
- Good.
Sit down.
- Had lunch? - No, sir.
This place makes the greatest chilli.
It's simply fantastic.
- I can smell it.
- I'll order you a bowl.
No, thanks, sir.
I'm on kind of a diet.
Lieutenant, you know about the missing files.
All six belong to families that bought houses in that new development.
- Falcon Ridge.
- Falcon Ridge.
And some of them are suing because of breach of contract.
They were trying, but they weren't getting very far.
They found the murder weapon in an empty lot up at Falcon Ridge.
Yeah? Ballistics matched it to the gun that killed Chambers.
Well, I wouldn't be that much surprised.
We've got it narrowed down to a member of one of those six families.
I've had a couple of guys taking statements.
So far it looks pretty good.
The Devereauxs - home all night watching television.
Husband and wife alibi each other - convenient, huh? Then there's Amanda Bristol - divorced.
Worked until eight, arrived home at 8:30.
Then there's Connolly, the neighbourhood rabble-rouser.
Yeah, right.
Brady, you're on the ball - I like that.
All terrific, but you're climbing the wrong ladder.
- This stuff is terrible! - Sir? They've changed the recipe for the chilli! - Gracie, you lost the chef? - Chef? Ramon - the big guy.
He had one brown eye, one blue.
He went back to Mazatlán two months ago.
We got a new guy back there - Heinrich.
Heinrich? You got a guy named Heinrich to make chilli?! Keep the change.
Here.
- Come on.
I gotta walk this stuff off.
- Thanks, Lieutenant.
My wife told me that that stuff was gonna kill me someday.
- I think she was right.
- About those people on Falcon Ridge.
- None of them killed Mr Chambers.
- They didn't? You know the piece of paper you found in Mr Chambers' coat? Those were basketball bets.
- No kidding! - Yeah.
"KP" - Knicks Pistons.
"CL" - Celtic Lakers.
"600, 800" - the amount he bet.
Now, what did we find in the victim's coat jacket? - An envelope.
- With $1400 in it.
Huh? Like this one? - Alden Hotel, right? - Yes, sir.
Now you know what this is? This was the payoff from the bookie.
The bookie works out of the hotel lobby.
Now, 7:00 the night Mr Chambers was killed, he goes to collect from this guy, then he goes back to his office.
You follow me? - Yes.
- Let me ask you something.
You're a guy with $1400 cash in your pocket.
How come you suddenly leave your office at 9:30, go to an automatic teller and pick up another $200? - Doesn't make any sense.
- It makes sense all right, if you're a killer trying to establish a phoney time of death.
Chambers didn't make that withdrawal, the killer did to make it look like Chambers was still alive at 9:45.
That means he died earlier.
Much earlier.
Medical examiner says it could have been as early as 7:30, 8:00.
But he was with Mrs Dimitri till quarter past eight.
You know what I think? I think I gotta get something to wash out the taste of that chilli.
You want ice cream? No, thanks.
As soon as I saw the money, I said to myself: "This is a put-up job.
Somebody's trying to hide the time of death.
And why?" "And as sure as Santa Claus wears red BVDs, I know somebody will have an alibi you can't break with a sledgehammer.
" - Mrs Dimitri.
- I want one of those orange pops.
I'll tell you something else that's interesting, Mr Brady.
That withdrawal was made from the teller machine in the lobby of the Plaza building.
The same building the lady had dinner with her boyfriend from 8:30 till 10:00.
Now, just before they leave, the lady goes to the powder room.
- You figure it out.
- Great, we've got her.
Got her? How do you figure that? No, all I got is a theory and a set of circumstances.
What I don't have is anything the DA can bring to the grand jury.
- Oh! - Lieutenant? Oh! No, it's all right.
It's just this tooth.
I gotta have it looked at.
Whenever I get anything cold on it.
- That's another thing.
My dentist.
- Sir? Before my wife and I came back from the vacation, I got a call from my dentist's assistant.
They wanted to set up an appointment for me, to clean my teeth.
Yeah, my dentist does that all the time.
But you have a dentist, Mr Brady.
I don't have one.
Mine moved to Florida four months ago.
I never got a new one.
So somebody, and I'm pretty sure it's Vivian Dimitri, was very anxious to know when I was going back to work.
And now all I gotta do is figure out why.
"Almighty God has called our sister from this life to himself.
" "We commit her body to the earth from which it was made.
" "Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
" Now there are two of them in the ground, Columbo - your wife, my husband.
It's been fun watching you fumble around, chasing down blind alleys.
I was afraid for a while he wasn't gonna figure out who I was, so I made sure he did.
When the time comes, I want him to know exactly what's happening to him, who killed his wife, and why.
Just before I kill him.
It was a private ceremony - cremation.
Charlie wanted it that way.
No, I never did hear from his ex-wife.
I don't expect I will, either.
For the time being, I'm running the office.
His lawyer asked me to do it.
Look, Sid, I gotta run.
Try and get that escrow into high gear for me, will you? - Thanks.
Talk to you soon.
- I hope you don't mind, ma'am.
- Miss Perkins wasn't at her desk.
- I've got her down at the bank.
- Things are a bit crazy around here.
- Yes, I can see that.
- Found out who killed Charlie? - No, but we're getting close.
You and Miss Perkins, you've been a big help.
You know those people up at Falcon Ridge? Those people are very angry.
Just between you and me, I'd be angry too if I'd bought one of those houses.
I asked about Falcon Ridge cos we found what we think is the murder weapon - tossed away in a vacant lot.
- I see.
Have you narrowed down your suspects to anyone in particular? I've done business with those people.
Maybe I could give you some insight something they said in the office in anger.
Thank you very, very much, but right now we're just checking alibis for the time of the murder.
You'll be surprised how many married couples claim they were watching TV.
You try to pull that otherwise - it's not easy! I don't imagine it is, Lieutenant.
- Is there something else? - Uh, no, ma'am.
Well, actually that's not true.
I came to extend my belated condolences on the death of your husband.
- My husband? - Pete Garibaldi.
He was your husband, wasn't he? When I went through Mr Chambers' personal effects at his house, I found a lot of photos like this one.
You hair's a lot different, but I'm pretty sure that's you.
Yeah, it's me.
I was wondering how long it was going to take you to recognise me.
You know what threw me off? In those days, your name was Anne? Annie? Annette.
Annette Garibaldi.
When I came back to LA, I asked Charlie if he'd mind if I used my maiden and middle names I'd made a clean break with the past.
That's perfectly understandable, ma'am.
I was very sorry when I heard about his death.
- Heart attack, wasn't it? - Pete never took good care of himself.
Too many calories, too many cigarettes.
I doubt the prison had much to do with it.
Thank you for saying that, ma'am.
Even though I arrested him, I liked your husband.
He was a decent guy.
He just got in over his head, did some stupid things.
Yeah.
Uh you were living out there, weren't you, ma'am - near the prison? Yeah, just outside of San Francisco.
I used to visit him every time I got chance.
You were under a doctor's care then - a Dr Steadman.
Is that right? - Who told you about that? - It was in your personnel file.
We checked that - it's just routine.
Of course.
Anyway, time has a way of healing all wounds.
Last year, one day I woke up and realised it was time for me to get on with my life.
Pete Garibaldi was dead, so I killed Annette.
That's when I called my old friend Charlton Chambers and asked for help.
God! Charlie was great - he didn't hesitate at all.
He was so supportive over this last year, and he was always there for me.
I'm sorry I never got a chance to say thank you.
Well, isn't that part of life too, ma'am - missed opportunities? Why is it that we never appreciate our loved ones until it's too late? That can't be true about you and your wife.
The way you talk about that woman, she must realise how devoted you are to her.
Well, I try.
We never had children, I'm sorry to say, but we had each other.
I suppose that makes me a very lucky man.
- I'd love to meet her.
- The missus? Yeah? Well, why not.
Sounds like a great idea, if I could ever get it together.
This woman's schedule, you wouldn't believe it! Between the church and between volunteering at the hospital and watching her sister Ruth's kids Walks the dog five times a day! How about dinner one evening? Why don't I talk to her about it? Uh Oh, gee! Here I am, I'm taking up all your time.
- Don't be silly.
- No, no, you're busy and so am I.
I gotta get to headquarters, trace the ownership of that gun.
- So far it's a dead end.
- It wasn't registered? No, ma'am, cold as an ice cube.
Again, my sincerest condolences at the loss of your husband.
Thank you, that's very kind.
And as far as your invitation is concerned, I think I'm gonna take you up on that to chat about those people up at Falcon Ridge.
Between you and me, I think one of 'em killed Mr Chambers there's no question in my mind.
And I just want you to know that I'm not gonna rest until I find the one that did it.
Maybe that's the least that both of us can do.
Any time.
Right.
What the hell is this anyway?! Am I under arrest, or what? No, sir.
Would you like to sit down, Mr Connolly? I just wanna ask you a few questions.
You could've questioned me at home, not drag me out with the neighbours looking! - That was necessary.
- I want my lawyer.
You won't need him.
I'm not accusing you of anything.
That sergeant said a gun was found in the empty lot next to my house.
You're not accusing me of something?! Is this the statement that you made to Sgt Brady concerning your activities on the night Mr Chambers died? This is it.
Why? You want it notarised? Sir, I'm not the one whose dinner's getting cold.
If you'll just answer a couple of questions, you're free to go.
Thank you very much.
It says here you went to bed around 12:30.
- That's right.
- Sleep soundly? - Or did you wake up at any time? - I slept like a log.
I usually do.
Your bedroom faces that vacant lot.
Is it possible that you noticed a car outside, say, around 2:30, 3:00? My eyes were closed, I was probably snoring.
No, I didn't notice.
- You're sure about that? - Yes! I am sure.
OK, Mr Connolly, you're free to go.
Thank you very much.
That is it?! You brought me all the way down here for that?! - If I need anything else, I'll call you.
- Oh, you do that! - The officer outside will drive you home.
- Thanks.
When you picked him up, the neighbours noticed? Two squad cars, flashing lights - I did everything but cuff him.
Yeah, they noticed, Lieutenant.
So what now? The lady has dropped a trail of crumbs, leading right to Mr Connolly's doorstep.
The least I can do is oblige.
But my gut tells me there's more to it, Mr Brady.
A lot more.
# Did you hear that lonesome whippoorwill? # He sounds too blue to fly # That midnight train is whining low # I'm so lonesome I could cry # I've never seen a night so long # When time goes crawling by # The moon just went behind a cloud # To hide his face and cry Hello.
Sorry I'm not in.
Leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you.
Vivian, pick up the phone.
I know you're there.
I need to talk to you.
Do I have to come round and pound on your door? You know I will.
I need to speak to you.
Now please pick up! - Go way, Leland.
- There you are.
I don't want to speak to you.
But you had no problem speaking to the police lieutenant, did you? I didn't have a choice.
Leland I'm very tired, and Be quiet for a minute.
She knows, Vivian.
Elizabeth knows.
She confronted me.
- What did you tell her? - What could I? I tried to minimise it, said I'd been drinking and it was a fleeting thing.
Oh, Leland, darling, you are such an accomplished liar.
Am I? Maybe that's why she's walked out on me.
Vivian, you've got to talk to her.
Or what? My darling, you know how I feel about you.
I am deeply in love with you, and that is exactly what I'll tell her if she phones me.
Please don't call again.
# It had to be you # It had to be you # I wandered around # And finally found # Somebody who # Could make me be true # Could make me be blue # And even be glad # Just to be sad # Thinking of you # For nobody else # Gave me a thrill # With all your faults # I love you still # It had to be you - Good morning.
- Good morning, ma'am.
I tried the front.
You didn't hear the bell? That bell hasn't worked since I moved in - no time to get it fixed.
- Please, come on in.
- Thanks.
I won't take much of your time.
Don't be silly.
I was just having some breakfast.
Will you join me? Thank you very much, ma'am, I already ate.
- How about some coffee, then? - That sounds good.
Sit down.
- You're up and about early this morning.
- Yeah, I've been going since six o'clock.
You gotta stay on top of these things.
You see, the more time that passes, the colder the trail gets.
Believe me, this trail is getting very cold, very fast.
Yesterday I spent the day talking to those people at Falcon Ridge.
I heard you brought Mitchell Connolly in for questioning.
The man has a temper.
A week ago he stormed into the office - I thought he was gonna kill Charlie.
- Terrible thing to say.
- He wasn't too happy with me either.
When I asked him about Friday night, he said he was home alone while his wife was out playing mah jong until around midnight.
If I was married to Connolly, I'd be out all night too.
The problem is, she didn't divorce him years ago when they lived in Reno.
Some women are a glutton for punishment.
- Here, English muffin.
Try it.
- No, really.
It's delicious with this lemon marmalade.
- Lemon marmalade? - Mm-hm.
- I thought they made this with oranges.
- Lemons too.
It's very, very good.
You know who would love this? My wife.
That woman is crazy about marmalade.
Me, I can't stand the stuff - it's got too many bumps in it.
I like that nice raspberry jam, maybe boysenberry.
Your wife is a very discerning woman.
Here, have a bite.
Oh, no.
Thanks anyhow.
- About this Connolly guy.
- Mm-hm? I was wondering, maybe you could help me.
Maybe there's something in that missing file that could be a lead.
Not that I know of.
It was Charlie's sale.
I only know about Connolly by reputation.
See what I mean? Blank walls.
Well, I won't be bothering you any more, ma'am.
Thank you very much.
OK, I gotta go back up to Falcon Ridge, see whether I can put this together.
Lieutenant? When do I get to meet your wonderful wife? - Oh, I'm working on that.
- I have a hard time believing you.
I would love to call her personally, but your phone number's not listed.
Department policy.
For the same reason that the motor-vehicle people won't give out a police officer's home address too many fruitcakes running around.
But I'll be in touch, I promise.
Meanwhile, I gotta get back to work.
Bye, Lieutenant.
Call me! - You find something? - Yeah, a dime.
- A dime? - One of those old silver ones.
This is real silver.
Look at the date - 1959.
- I bet you that's worth 40, 50 cents.
- Your lucky day.
If all I find is a dime, it is definitely not my lucky day! - Any luck with the neighbours? - A couple were out of town.
The rest of 'em were asleep before midnight.
If you're right and Mrs Dimitri drove here after she left St John, nobody saw her.
She drives up the street, she opens a window, she heaves out the gun.
She doesn't even have to get out of the car, she's here a minute tops, and she's gone without a trace.
Do you ever think that maybe you got it wrong maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was one of these people? No, Sergeant, I never thought that.
- Did I tell you I talked to the security guy? - What security guy? A private company - a guy cruises around every night, checking things out.
On the night of the murder, he drives by the real-estate agency at 10:00 and at 2:00- that's his schedule.
- Did he see anything? - Not a thing.
The office is quiet and dark.
- So? - So when Dede Perkins, the receptionist, finds Mr Chambers dead the following morning, the lights are on.
- Three lamps, two overheads.
- That's right.
How it should have been, if somebody from the outside came in, confronted Chambers, shot him, rifled the files and ran out.
A person in that kind of hurry would not stop and turn off the lights.
- Makes sense to me.
- I asked the security guy, I said: "What if you'd come by and the lights were on?" "What would you have done?" He said, "I'd do what I always do that late at night I'd go inside and check.
" So Mrs Dimitri killed him, turned off the lights, and nobody checked the offices.
She came back later, put the phoney bank receipt in his wallet and took off, leaving the lights on.
Now you're thinking.
The problem is, it doesn't prove anything.
Nothing so far proves anything.
Lieutenant.
She's coming over here.
OK, here's what I want you to do.
Nod your head a lot and keep saying, "Yes, sir".
- Why, sir? - Not "Why, sir?", "Yes, sir".
- And pardon my tone of voice.
- Yes, sir.
You got that? What do you mean, you can't get a straight answer out of them?! Look, Sergeant, I don't care if we have to spend another month up here, - we're gonna get cooperation.
Got that? - Yes, sir.
Now, you go back and speak to those people again - especially Connolly.
If he won't cooperate, take him down to HQ again.
- Yes, sir.
- All right.
Talk to you later.
I'm sorry.
The one thing I hate to do is lose my temper, but the sergeant, I don't think all his switches are working.
If you want something done right, do it yourself.
- Guess you have the same problem.
- It comes with the territory.
So, does this mean things aren't going very well? Nobody knows anything, nobody saw anything - What can I do for you, ma'am? - Not a thing.
And I'm late for a client.
I brought you this, Lieutenant.
Well, actually it's for your wife.
- I picked it up on the way over.
- Oh, that's very nice! - You didn't have to do that.
- Don't be silly.
It's nothing.
She'll enjoy it.
Tell her it tastes delicious on an English muffin.
- I'll do that.
- Dinner for the three of us on Saturday? - You don't work on Saturday night? - Not if I can help it.
- But in this business, you never know.
- I'm counting on you.
I'll call to confirm.
And thank you very much.
She'll get a kick out of this.
Got it.
Lieutenant? That was HQ.
A call just came in for you.
A guy named Steadman, returning your phone call.
- He left a number.
- Thank you.
Hmm I'm looking for a Dr Steadman.
Ah, over there.
- Dr Steadman? - Yes.
Lieutenant Columbo, LAPD.
We spoke on the phone.
You're a long way from Los Angeles.
I wonder if you'd mind, sir.
I do have to ask you a few questions.
I thought I made it clear there's nothing I can tell you about Vivian Dimitri.
You did, sir.
And I wouldn't bother you, except it's so important.
Mind if I sit down? Thank you very much.
Been on my feet since 6:00 this morning.
- Lieutenant, I'm trying to eat my dinner.
- Don't let me stop you, sir.
Excuse me, Dr Steadman.
Is there some problem? No, no problem at all.
Lieutenant Columbo, police.
I have to ask the doc a few questions.
We thought we'd get it out of the way over dinner, instead of having him spend all night in the police HQ.
I know how busy you must be, sir.
Perhaps the lieutenant would like a menu.
That won't be necessary, sir.
I'll just have a BLT on white toast and a cream soda.
- One embarcadero garni.
- Thank you very much.
- What are they, snails? - Escargots dipped in garlic butter.
- The flavour's fantastic.
- Oh, garlic, that's what I smelled.
What's it for? Kill the taste of the snails? Lieutenant, can we make this as quick and as painless as possible? A man named Charlton Chambers is dead.
I have reason to believe that Vivian Dimitri killed him.
Ten years ago, Chambers tipped a stockbroker to the fact that one of his employees Mrs Dimitri's husband, Pete Garibaldi had embezzled funds from his clients.
Although that fact was not known to the world, it is my guess that Mrs Dimitri found out about it and last Friday night evened the score.
If you expect me to make a comment on that, you'll have a long wait.
For me to divulge what Vivian may or may not have revealed to me would be a violation of her trust.
Thank you.
Ah, a small mariner salad.
You're gonna have to forgive me, sir, but I'm talking about murder.
From this side of the table, it looks like you don't care one way or the other that this woman shot down an unarmed man in cold blood.
Lieutenant if I understand correctly, you're trying to get me to confirm your suspicion that Vivian Dimitri may have murdered Charlton Chambers out of revenge.
If that were true, and I'm not saying it is, such an obsession might not end with Chambers.
He is, after all, not the man who put her late husband behind bars.
You knew who I was when I called you.
- She mentioned my name.
- I can't comment on that.
Mrs Dimitri has asked a lot of questions about my wife.
A lot of questions about her, sir.
She even wants to meet her.
I'm afraid that would not be a good idea.
When you say that that won't be a good idea I mean it would not be a good idea.
I took a couple of books out of the library mental disorders, psychotic behaviour, that kind of thing.
I found a case history: A woman who felt that someone's actions led to the death of her husband.
But her obsession for revenge didn't focus on the person that was responsible for it, but on that person's wife.
Would you say that was unusual, sir? Not at all, Lieutenant.
In extreme cases, such a fixation is common.
"You rob me of my husband, I rob you of your wife.
" In this example, sir, it seemed to me pretty dumb she couldn't expect to get away with it.
I'm sure she didn't expect to.
I imagine she'd have gone out of her way to make sure the man knew that she'd been responsible.
Even if she had to spend the rest of her life in prison? She wouldn't care very much about that.
Your embarcadero, sir.
Garni.
Excuse me.
I just ordered a BLT.
What's all this? - That's garni, sir.
- Oh.
Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not feeling too hungry.
Maybe you could put this in a doggy bag? I'll eat it on the plane.
- Of course.
- Thank you.
Just the sandwich.
The garni you can keep the garni.
Thank you, Doctor.
You've been a very big help.
Lieutenant? The woman you described, from that case history you found in that book, if she did exact her revenge, she would have to make sure her victim knew that she was responsible otherwise, where's the satisfaction? - Do you follow me? - Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, I follow you perfectly.
Let's put in some petunias, marigolds.
I've got a buyer flying in from Japan.
How about those broken sprinkler heads? - Whatever it takes, let's do it.
- Yes, ma'am.
Peeling paint, window casements, first and second floor, east side.
- Morning, ma'am.
- Morning, Lieutenant.
Your office told me I could find you here.
Wow, this is some place! It must have, what, five or six bedrooms? - Eight.
- Why would anybody wanna sell it? - The owners wanna move up a notch.
- Up? Up from this?! My whole house could fit in here a couple of times.
If you want the truth, the plumbing's terrible, the roof leaks and all for $6.
2 million.
- How many zeros is that? - Too many.
- So what can I do for you? - Not a thing.
I just came by to put your mind at ease about Mitchell Connolly.
- You arrested him? - Just a matter of time.
We ran a check on him, found out he's got a felony conviction for assault probation, suspended sentence.
That was a few years ago.
I realise that assault is not the same as murder, but That is definitely scary.
You can never tell about people.
You know I'm surprised you're surprised.
- Oh? - It was in the file.
- What? - The felony conviction.
The bank picked it up when they checked on his background.
Really? The pond needs to be drained.
Let's clean it and check it for leaks.
Charlie handled that sale a couple of months before I came to work.
- It's funny he never mentioned it.
- Yes, that is odd.
Maybe that's why Connolly took the file and destroyed it.
- He destroyed it? - Dumb of him if he hadn't.
And I've never thought of Connolly as dumb.
Then you never actually read Connolly's file? I have my hands full reading the files I get commissions on.
We've got a broken window in the master bedroom.
Fix that.
Where did I get the idea that you read the file? - I don't know.
- I know where I went off.
The assault happened in Reno, Reno was written in the file, and the other morning you mentioned that the Connollys used to live in Reno.
I must have thought that's where you got that information - from the file.
No.
As a matter of fact, Connolly came into the office one day to see Charlie.
We got talking about blackjack - I was going to Vegas for the weekend.
He told me that he used to live in Reno.
Oh, I see.
Well, that explains it.
The way that kid drives! One of these days, I'm gonna give him a ticket.
- Lieutenant - You take care of your car, it will take care of you.
Lieutenant, come with me right away.
They've taken your wife to the hospital.
- What?! What happened? - A neighbour found her on the floor.
- Is she all right? - I don't know.
They told me to find you.
- You drive.
- Yes, sir.
I'll be back for my car later.
"By dying, you open the gates of life for those who believe in you.
" "Do not let our sister be parted from you," but by your glorious power, give her light, joy and peace in heaven, - where you live forever and ever.
" - Amen.
"Give her eternal rest, O Lord, and may your light shine on her forever.
" Amen.
- Terribly sorry.
- Thank you.
- We're so terribly sorry.
- Thank you very much.
I'm sorry, I I wish I had the words, Lieutenant.
I don't.
Her mother's still alive - 82.
Her grandmother died at 90.
How do you figure? I don't know, do you have plans? I don't wanna impose, but could you come back to the house with me? Certainly.
I don't want a lot of people around.
I just wanna talk.
I don't know, you've been through this, so if I start to babble like a lunatic, you'll be able to understand.
Yes, yes.
Uh Could I drive with you? I had enough of this thing.
- Of course.
- OK.
I'm gonna go with the lady.
- There you are.
- Thank you, sir.
You know, I never found out wh What exactly did she die of? Uh it was a heart attack.
I mean, it's crazy - I never even knew she had a problem.
- Columbo.
- What do you say, Benny? Sorry I didn't make it earlier, but they had me out at 5:30 this morning.
I understand.
We got a call from the coroner's office - they wanna delay the burial.
- What for? Maybe they found something in the autopsy.
All I know is what they told me.
Right, sure.
Listen, I gotta go home.
If you find out what that's all about, let me know.
Yeah, sure.
I'm sure it's nothing - just some red tape.
Something like that.
Let's get outta here.
I know it doesn't seem like much, with all the fancy houses you see.
Don't be silly.
This is lovely.
This is very warm and homey.
Well, at least it's neat.
Last night, I spent five hours cleaning the place.
Not that it needed it my wife was a very tidy person.
But I'll tell you the truth.
I was going crazy I started washing the walls.
You know what I did when Pete died? Polished silver.
Three nights straight, till daybreak - over and over and over.
The only silver we had, we'd been given as wedding presents I remember who gave us each piece.
I wonder if I should feed these fish again.
I read somewhere if you feed 'em too much, they die.
My wife, she kept these fish almost three years.
I'd be lucky to keep them three days.
- It hurts, doesn't it? - Yeah.
Yeah, very much.
But they say after a while, you you get over it.
Don't count on that.
I still can't get used to the idea of being alone.
Maybe you'll be luckier.
- Are you hungry? - What? I've been up since 3:00.
I suddenly realised I didn't eat since yesterday.
- You want breakfast? - No, thanks.
This is crazy.
I gotta eat.
Come on.
I'll fix you a cup of coffee.
- Your wife was a very attractive woman.
- You met her? No.
That's a picture of her on the piano, isn't it? Oh, right.
- Do you play? - Me? No.
But she did.
Not very well either - I never told her that! She was crazy about Chopin.
I think if Chopin ever heard her play, he'd turn over in his grave.
This was made this morning, but I think it's still OK.
- You want milk? - No.
- Sugar? - Black is just fine.
That's the way I like it.
Hot, strong and black.
Plenty of caffeine.
None of that decaf stuff for me.
- Did I tell you about Mitchell Connolly? - No.
What about him? The DA thinks we got a case.
- He's getting ready to press charges.
- Hm! - That's wonderful.
- It's mostly circumstantial.
We hope the guy will crack, try for a plea - Maybe second degree or manslaughter.
I figure something's better than nothing, especially with what we got.
- That's wonderful.
Congratulations.
- Who, me? I didn't do anything.
This one was simple.
- Did you ever have second thoughts? - About what? I don't know, worrying maybe you might have made a mistake? I'm not the judge or the jury or even the DA.
I investigate, I make arrests.
I don't pass judgments - it's not my job.
Oh! Looks like my wife already tasted some of this.
I'd better try some myself.
My wife used to kid me about that.
She said I had a closed mind you know, the movies, music, books.
But to tell you the truth, I'm a Gary Cooper type of guy.
I like Gary Cooper, I like Louis Armstrong and Mark Twain.
But I gotta change that.
I gotta open myself up to more.
Sure you don't want a piece? This marmalade, it was your idea.
No, thank you.
I really am not hungry.
Lieutenant What's the matter? Uh maybe I will have some more coffee.
No, no, no, stay there.
I'll get it.
There's only one thing I don't get, and I'll admit it's bothering me.
Why did Connolly toss that gun so close to the house? That was a very stupid thing to do.
You know, this stuff is pretty good.
Shows you what I've been missing - me and my closed mind.
Doesn't that come with the job, Columbo? A policeman needs a narrow, straight-ahead mentality no room for motive or extenuating circumstances.
When it comes to first-degree murder, there are no extenuating circumstances.
Well maybe you've never been desperate or frightened.
There are men who would go to any lengths to protect those they love.
My husband was like that, believe me.
It's getting very warm in here, isn't it? He wanted the judge to understand.
He tried to explain The judge did understand.
That's why Pete got a reduced sentence because he was mentally unstable.
My husband was not mentally unstable.
You have no right to say that! Excuse me.
That is not my judgment.
I'm just bringing out what was in the trial.
It's getting very warm in here.
I I think I'm gonna turn down that thermostat.
That judge was a sick, prejudiced old man.
I hated the sight of him, I hated the sound of his voice Oh, excuse me.
Columbo.
Oh, hi, Benny.
What?! Poisoned?! What kind of poison? What are you talking about? I am listening.
I'll do that.
That's crazy! What is it? The coroner's office they made additional tests Don't ask me the names - very complicated, long names and they found evidence of poison.
Did they? What kind of poison? Something very unusual How could she be poisoned? - It doesn't make any sense! - No sense? Really? Oh, Columbo, you are blind.
You are so blind! You really don't get it, do you? Hm? I'm sorry, ma'am you lost me.
Well, then let me help you back on the trail.
The poison you wanna know the name of it? I'm not sure I can spell it.
I know I can't pronounce it.
But I researched it for weeks, just to find the right thing - it had to be perfect.
What are you saying? You poisoned my wife? Why? Why? For the same reason that I killed Charlie Chambers retribution, Columbo.
A balancing of the books.
You killed Mr Chambers? No, no, no.
No, that's not possible.
Would you like me to tell you how I did it? - I have to warn you not to say anything - Until I talk to my lawyer? I have that little speech memorised.
I know that one by heart.
It got burnt into my memory over the last ten years.
Are you telling me that Leland St John lied to give you an alibi? No! Charlie was dead before I had dinner with Leland.
The ATM withdrawal? I did that, using Charlie's code.
Charlie let me use his card all the time, whenever I needed cash.
Ma'am, is this some kind of confession? I You're forgetting I'm still a police officer.
But you won't be for long.
In a little while, the phone is gonna ring.
It'll be your friend Benny again with more information from the coroner's office.
Only this time you won't be able to answer the phone, Columbo, because you'll be dead, lying right here on your kitchen floor.
I don't think so, ma'am.
You see, this is not my kitchen floor.
- What? - I said, "This is not my kitchen floor.
" And this is not my house.
This belongs to my friend, Sergeant Brady.
Sergeant? - Did you get all that? - Yes, sir.
I would have done this at my house, but, uh my wife's got a bad case of the flu.
I didn't wanna disturb her.
- Your wife is alive? - Oh, yes, ma'am.
But the funeral at the cemetery - I saw What you saw were a lot of my friends, other policemen, their wives.
Oh, and by the way, this marmalade is not the marmalade you gave me the other day.
This one, I bought myself.
The other jar? As soon as you gave it to me, I took it down to the forensic lab and had 'em analyse the contents.
Then then you knew all along? Yes, ma'am, I did.
I wanna tell you that, uh I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that your husband died, and I'm sorry for your grief.
And maybe there was another way to do this, but I don't know what it was.
But there is no way that you were gonna walk away from Mr Chambers's murder.
Besides which, you wanted to kill my wife, and you would have killed me.
I take that very personally.
You bastard! Hi, it's me.
How are you feeling? Gee, you sound awful.
Are you getting any sleep? That's crazy.
Who cares if Nurse Wilson is running off with the gardener's son! Excuse me - the pool man's son.
Listen, if you miss a day on the soap opera, you can catch up.
Honest, believe me - they write 'em that way.
Get some sleep.
I'll grab a bite at the diner.
Get some sleep.
OK.
Yeah, that's good.
Just get some sleep.
And tell your sister I got her picture.
She can pick it up tonight.
Now when you're better, we're gonna go to a photographer and we're gonna have a decent picture of you taken.
What do you mean, you take lousy pictures? You never had a picture taken.
We can do it both ways.
You do one with a hat, you do one without a hat.
Can we discuss this later? Take your medicine and go to sleep.
I'm hanging up now.
I love you, too.