SpongeBob SquarePants s09e06 Episode Script

1 - Are you ready, kids? All: Aye, aye, captain! - I can't hear you.
All: Aye, aye, captain! - ohh who lives in a pineapple under the sea? All: Spongebob squarepants! - absorbent and yellow and porous is he All: Spongebob squarepants! - if nautical nonsense be something you wish All: Spongebob squarepants! - then drop on the deck and flop like a fish All: Spongebob squarepants! - Ready? All: Spongebob squarepants! Spongebob squarepants! Spongebob squarepants! - Spongebob Squarepants! [laughing.]
[waves crashing.]
[rollicking ukulele music.]
- [with french accent.]
bikini bottom prison.
Home of the worst of the worst [growling.]
And, currently of that little miscreant, plankton, Otherwise known as number 6-5-5-3-2-1.
- All inmates to "a" level.
[doors clanking.]
[squishing.]
[murmuring.]
- Come on, number 6-5-5-3-2-1.
Let's move it! - Yeah, yeah, keep your shirt on.
- Psst! Hey, sheldon.
- Spongebob! What in the seashell are you doing here? - Mr.
Krabs arranged for me to work here on weekends.
He wants me to keep an eye on you.
- Excuse me.
Doesn't this count as cruel and unusual punishment? - Pipe down, pipsqueak! - Look! They even gave me a training baton.
[squeaking.]
[overlapping chatter.]
Hi, karen! Look, plankton! Karen came to visit.
And she brought you a cake.
- Do you mind? - Oh, uh, I'll be right over here.
- So, honey, is you-know-what inside? - You mean flour, sugar, milk and eggs? - No! [softly.]
no, the secret ingredient.
- Oh, you mean love.
- I mean, the file.
- What? The file? Well, I'm glad you're not the baker in the family.
The file? Who would put a file in a cake? [bang.]
- Karen, you've got to get me out of here! [pop, thud.]
[grunting.]
Whew! - You gonna eat that? - I'm not even sure what that is.
- Thanks.
- Wait a second.
I didn't say you could-- - you gonna drink that? Thanks.
- Hey! I need that! For my bones! [screams.]
[groans.]
- [clicking tongue.]
Someone didn't finish their beans.
- Them's my beans.
- Oh.
Well, enjoy.
- Wait! Put me down! Oh-oh.
You can't eat me! I'm bikini bottom's most evil genius! - Hey! What did you say? - I said, "I'm plankton, blast it!" - You ain't plankton.
- [gulps.]
- We're all big fans of that maniacal little miscreant! [overlapping yelling.]
- That's plankton! And you don't look nothing like him.
- Hey! I'm in here! I'm plankton! - Okay! That does it! Here comes the pain.
[engine roaring.]
- Are we near the airport? [bang.]
- ow! [clang, clank.]
[whimpering ukulele tone.]
[grunting.]
[clears throat.]
Hey! Gather 'round, fellow convicts! It is I, The one and only sheldon j.
Plankton, Evil genius! All: [gasping.]
that's him! - So let me get this straight.
You lowlifes respect me? - Are you kidding? You're criminal royalty.
Every crime you commit is more dangerous Than the last.
- You're the worst guy in this joint.
And that means you're the greatest, In our twisted eyes! - We'd do anything for you, big guy.
- [laughs.]
With this pack of criminals, I could steal the secret formula like that! Okay, gang.
We need to bust out of this joint.
Any thoughts? - Uh - Ow! - Duh - We could wait for parole? - We could ask them nicely.
- Yeah, I can see why you're still in jail.
Think, people! We need a plan.
- We could bust out of here in no time, If only we had some chum.
- Yeah! That's what we need.
Yeah, good old chum.
Say what, now? - Chum's amazing.
- That's why you're our hero.
- You're the creator of chum.
- Chum? What use is chum? - It makes a great disguise.
[tense music.]
[splash.]
Oh! It's working! It's twisting my appearance! - [screams.]
what a hideous monster! Please take this money So I don't have to look at your disgusting features! - [chortles.]
Yeah, worked great.
Until, you know, they caught me.
- Have you ever tried eating it? - Heavens, no! - You know what else chum is great for? Robbin' banks.
[tense music.]
[bucket clanging.]
All: [coughing.]
- The stench of chum is unbearable.
- But have you tried it on a bun? - No way, brother.
Never.
I like my tongue in one piece.
- Every crook in town uses chum.
- Really? Maybe I overlooked chum's hidden potential.
Fellow ne'er-do-wells, If it's chum you want, It's chum you shall have.
Luckily, I happen to know the recipe.
It's time for a jailbreak! [cheering.]
Listen up, you reprobates! Chum requires specialized ingredients Of the highest quality.
- Mr.
Plankton, does this meet Your rigid manufacturing standards? - Hmm, you there.
Sniff this sock.
[hacking, coughing.]
- Yes! Let us begin.
Cultured fungus growth medium.
- Here you go, boss.
[splash.]
- Subtropical vegetal matter.
- Duh, right here.
- Organic filler.
- Gotcha covered.
- Hey, you! Come here! Blow.
Live bacterial culture.
[splash.]
Now, to secure the containment vessel.
[clang.]
Agitate preliminary compound.
[toilet flushes.]
[banging.]
And quality inspection.
[heavenly choir.]
ahh All: [gasping.]
oh! - Boys, I think it's time we evacuated this institution.
All: Huh? - [sighs.]
It's time to break out of prison, you dopes! All: Ooh! - A jailbreak? I've got to warn mr.
Krabs.
[hornpipe music.]
- Not bad.
If I could only paint 'em smaller.
- Mr.
Krabs! - [screams.]
What is it? - Plankton's breaking out of jail tonight, And he's coming to the krusty krab With a bunch of criminals To steal the krabby patty formula! [panting.]
What do we do? - Tonight, eh? That doesn't leave me much time.
This is gonna be close.
But we'll be ready for 'em.
- [whistling.]
Whoa-ho-whoa, there.
Why are you two out of your cells? - Reggie thinks this hanky smells like kelp berries.
- Oh, he does, does he? I'll be the judge of that.
[glass shatters.]
[tense music.]
- Chum! [splat.]
Detonator! Is this detonator made out of soap? - I carved it myself.
- Launch me! - [inhales powerfully.]
[pop.]
- [grunts.]
[pop, plop.]
[timer blipping.]
- Freeze, plankton! Hold it right there! [timer blipping.]
- Oh-oh.
[whoosh, plop.]
[cheery ukulele music.]
It worked! - It's a jailbreak, men! Quick! To the wall! Before they escape! All: Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! - What in the name of electrolysis? - Nice try, prisoners.
But you'll never penetrate a wall of living guards.
Let's round up those escaping miscreants! Oh, dear.
I cannot move! It appears that we have become ensnared In our own defenses.
[grunting.]
- Oh, my.
[laughs.]
That is a dilly of a pickle.
Oh, well.
If you can't escape through the back wall, I guess we'll have to leave through the front door! [doors slam.]
[whooping.]
Quickly, my fellow felons.
Follow me to the krusty krab! [whooping.]
- Oh, mr.
Krabs! They're almost here! - Don't worry, spongebob.
We're ready for 'em.
- I gave you your freedom.
Now bring me the krabby patty formula! [whooping.]
All: Heave-ho! [banging.]
Heave-ho! Heave-- [crashing.]
[whooping.]
- They got past me.
[screams.]
Me restaurant! - [laughs.]
yes.
With my new gang of vicious convicts, You're no match for me now, krabs.
Fellow jailbirds, Bring me the krabby patty formula! - Sorry, boss.
We looked everywhere for it, But we can't find it.
- Did you try looking in the safe? - Oh.
[grunting.]
[bang, crash.]
- Eureka! [evil laugh.]
- Plankton, don't do it! - Sorry, krabs, Nothing can stop me now.
- Except the law.
[tense music.]
- What's happening? - Spongebob warned me you were planning a jailbreak.
So I took the precaution Of hiding the entire bikini bottom police force In me safe.
- Come along, plankton.
[tapping.]
It's back to jail for you.
- [groans.]
[spank.]
hey! Watch where you're pointing that thing, buster.
- Just move along.
- Well, thanks to your hard work, The krabby patty recipe is safe.
- And you win again.
[rumbling.]
[crashing.]
- Yep, I'm a winner.
[dramatic orchestral music.]
- Just a couple more additives, spongebob.
[rumbling.]
[cracking.]
[pop.]
Oh, and try not to breathe the fumes.
- Is it toxic patty Tuesday? - Barnacles, no, boyo.
The customers keep passing off their dirty, filthy money, So we're cooking up the only solution powerful enough To clean it.
- Well, then, let's get cleaning.
- Hold on, kiddo.
We still have one more ingredient.
- How much do we need? - Careful, spongebob! Just two drops of that stuff could - Got it.
Two drops-- - Blow our faces off.
[fax machine ringing.]
- Fax coming through, boss.
- We can get it later.
[fax machine trilling, clacking.]
[pop.]
- [laughs.]
Infiltration achieved.
Phase one, complete.
Now for phase two.
Sabotage! - [cheerful whistling.]
Well, my dependable spatula, shall we? [hornpipe music.]
[snap.]
[clank.]
- [screaming.]
- Wow! Phase two is great! My favorite phase so far.
[evil laugh.]
- [panting.]
No pulse! [clinking.]
We're losing him! Hang in there, buddy! - What's all the ruckus? - Clear! [sizzling.]
clear! - Pull yourself together, boy.
So your spatula snapped.
Go get yourself a new one! - I'll never forget you.
- [slaps.]
quit that, boy.
It's creepy.
"spat-u-lers" can't talk.
And if I catch youse talking to your next one, I'll lock you up in a padded kitchen.
- [laughs.]
Just like clockwork.
- [cheerful whistling.]
- the twerp approaches.
Time for phase three.
[clank.]
[whoosh.]
- [whimpers.]
- Oh, hi, plankton! What brings you to harvey's spatula emporium? - Oh, just picking up one of these.
Not that you'd know what it is.
- Well, judging from its diameter And vermillion color, I am looking at the handle cap For a vintage grill force 700 spatula.
- Wow! A fellow spatula enthusiast, I see.
You're right, spongebob.
But with a few modifications, It'll serve as the endcap for my sizzlemaster.
- Well, I've never even heard of that model.
- Well, there is only one.
And some say it has magical grilling powers.
- Wow! I must know more.
- Well, you could come over and check it out.
- That sounds thrilling! But I do need to hurry back to work.
- [knocking.]
spongebob, It's a magical spatula with a legend.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Onward to the chum bucket! [evil laugh.]
Hey, it's this way, kid.
Feast your absorbent eyes on this! [claps.]
- [gasps.]
wow! This is the greatest spatula collection On the whole seafloor.
- These are nothing compared to [claps.]
The majestic sizzlemaster! [heavenly harp music.]
- ahh - Yes, spongebob.
I believe the sizzlemaster has found its fry cook In you! [glass shatters.]
- The legend of the sizzlemaster Has been fulfilled! And since you are its fry cook, It will reduce your workload tenfold.
- Hey, that rhymes! Almost.
- Yes, a legend has been fulfilled today.
Go forth, spongebob.
Wouldn't want you to miss the lunch rush.
[softly.]
or, as I like to call it, Phase four.
- Phase four? How many phases are there in this convoluted plan? - Enough, my sarcastic wife.
Enough to gain spongebob's trust, Then steal the krabby patty formula Right from under his dumb yellow nose! [laughs.]
Now to tune in sponge-boob.
[electrical whir.]
- I'm back, mr.
Krabs.
Did I miss anything? - You're gonna be missing a job If you don't get in that kitchen.
The lunch rush is nigh! - [evil laugh.]
- These orders have really piled up.
- And don't forget these.
- Well, nothing me and the sizzlemaster can't handle.
- That's right spongebob! Let's show this lunch rush what for! - Hmm, I must be hearing things.
'cause mr.
Krabs says spatulas can't talk.
- Well, I can! The mystical sizzlemaster can do all! - Mr.
Krabs said he'd put me in a padded kitchen If he caught me talking to you.
- Spongebob! - I wasn't taking to my spatula! - I don't care if you were.
The customers are about to snap! [cranking, snap.]
- Time to focus.
- You know, spongebob, There's a much faster way to do this.
- Oh? - Wow! Pretty good.
But we're a long, long way from filling all these orders.
- [whooshing.]
- Hey, sponge.
I know a way to double our productivity.
I'll handle things here at the grill, alone, While you man the condiments, huh? - Hey! That's a great idea! But you man the condiments, I'll take the grill.
Sorry, but I don't trust anyone with this baby, but me.
- Drat! - Hey, squid guy! Where's my lunch? - Stay back, you ravenous brutes.
Oh! - Orders, ahoy! [cash register bell ringing.]
Wow, sizzlemaster! You truly are magical.
We're catching up.
But we got an empty grill here.
- Leave it to me, kid.
- All right, good night, boyo.
Heading home.
Thanks for all the extra greenbacks you earned me today.
- Don't thank me, mr.
Krabs.
Thank my new magic talking spatula.
- Ooh, that's great spongebob.
Wait a minute.
What did I tell ya about talking to "spat-u-lers.
" Only do it if it makes me money.
[chuckles.]
- Well, you can really do wonders, sizzlemaster.
Today was great.
- It sure was, spongebob.
And maybe tomorrow I can even handle the grill for you, huh? - [laughs.]
unlikely.
But a spatula can dream.
See you tomorrow.
- Dang it! I need spongebob to trust me behind that grill For this plan to work.
Hmm.
Oh! Hey, spongebob! - Yes? - How about you take me back to your place tonight? I mean, I could help you around the house.
- Well, I'm not going to be grilling tonight, But thank you.
- Oh, I am so much more than a patty flipper.
I'm a multipurpose tool.
- Oh.
Hey, do you clean snail litter boxes? Sure! - Gross.
- It's not like it's actually me touching it, so - Here she is.
Home sweet pineapple.
- Infiltration complete.
Time to execute phase five! [evil laugh.]
- [laughs.]
You're such a joyful being, sizzlemaster.
Here's that litter box you said you'd clean.
- [sniffs.]
gah! Karen! I thought I told you not to put smell sensors On the spatula! [crickets chirping.]
[foghorn blares.]
- Whoop! [rollicking ukulele music.]
[scratching.]
[chime.]
- Mmm, mmm.
Wow! I'm three hours early to work.
Thanks to you, sizzlemaster.
- That's no problem, buddy.
Hey, why don't you take a seat While I get to work for you? - Well, don't mind if I do.
- Would you like me to man the grill for you today? - Uh, eh - You deserve a break.
And I've been able to handle everything else for you, so - That is true.
Well, I guess I can trust you with my grill While I take a brief respite.
- [bouncing.]
[evil laugh.]
Yes! Phase five is finally complete! Time to kick phase six into overdrive! Yes, burn patties, burn! [evil laugh.]
- [snores.]
[gagging, coughing.]
[screams.]
Charred krabby patty bits? Sizzlemaster, what happened? - Oh, spongebob, I'm sorry.
I just wasn't used to this grill.
All of the krabby patties are gone.
- Oh, no! - Hey, I got an idea.
I can mix up some new patties in a jiff.
If we just go get the krabby patty secret formula.
- Oh, yeah! Okay.
It's just over here in the safe.
- Yes! Yes! [evil laugh.]
[lock ratcheting.]
- [splashing.]
Hey, whatcha doing, boy? - Oh, my new magical talking spatula That I got from plankton Says it needs your krabby patty secret formula.
- Spongebob! No! Uh, I mean, it was your talking spatula, you say? That you got from plankton? [laughing.]
well, why didn't you say so? Here, give your talking spatula this recipe.
- Mr.
Krabs, I think your blinker's broken.
- Just read it.
- Aye, aye.
Okay, sizzlemaster.
The first ingredient is "5 gallons combustible cooking oil.
" - Yes! Karen, begin production! [computer blipping.]
[oil splatting.]
- "one sack coral dust, extra spicy.
"one bucket fire algae paste.
"and the final ingredient, Disulfide.
" - Yes! [laughs.]
Wait, how much disulfide? - [scribbles.]
- "the whole enchilada.
" - I had no idea this stuff was approved For restaurant use.
- Oh, it's not Plankton.
- Krabs? Oh, no.
- Quite a volatile concoction, Eh, planky? - Must be explosive patty Wednesday, Eh, mr.
Krabs? - [chuckles.]
You got that right, boyo.
[chuckles.]
- oh, hardy-har-har.
[lilting ukulele music.]