RuPaul's Drag Race (2009) s09e07 Episode Script
9021-HO
1 - Previously on RuPaul's Drag Race - We gonna be playing some Snatch Game up in here.
[all cheer.]
[all laugh.]
-No! -Bloop! - Titties.
They help me to be successful in this entertainment business.
- Peppermint.
- NeNe Leakes, you could have gone anywhere with her, but it just doesn't cross the finish line.
- Cynthia Lee Fontaine.
- I love the choice of Sofia Vergara for you, but I didn't understand what was going on.
And it wasn't the accent.
- Alexis Michelle.
- You do such a good Liza, she better watch her back.
- Con-drag-ulations.
You're the winner of this week's challenge.
- Peppermint, shantay, you stay.
Cynthia Lee Fontaine, sashay away.
- Oh, my gosh, this is so tight.
- I think Peppermint is a little shaken after being in the bottom two.
But that lip sync, girl, she did the damn thing.
I think we got a real lip sync assassin on our hands.
- I'm just so happy that Cynthia had a second chance.
She brought so much love and joy.
- I love her, but, bye, bitch! - Trinity is the new official messy queen of Season 9.
- No, I am the new official cucu.
-Oh! -Whoo! -Hey! -Yes.
- Cynthia went home, and unfortunately, that's how this cookie is gonna crumble for a lot of girls.
There can only be one, and some of these girls got to go.
Congratulations to you, though.
I'm so happy that you actually won.
- Ross said that I am rising up.
It felt really good to get some really strong critiques.
Thank you, Ross.
I will take that to heart.
- Alexis Michelle finally won a challenge.
Girl, watch out 'cause she is going to make it me, me, me, me, me She's going to make it the Alexis show.
- I feel good about what I did, and hopefully from now on I can just kind of like have a little fun and let down my guard a little bit.
-Good.
-No, not hopefully.
From now on, you're gonna let down your guard and have more fun.
Right, girl? - Okay, mom.
Thank y'all for all y'all's, you know, support and reading me behind my back.
- Girl, we read you to your face, too.
From now on, we ain't gonna be giving you no more compliments 'cause now you's some real competition, bitch.
-So let's get out of this drag.
-Well, on that note, bitch.
- [sighs.]
- You guys, who am I? - [whiny voice.]
I need to smoke, why? You can never wear enough highlighter.
Oh - The competition is getting a lot tighter.
I feel like I am a strong competitor.
But there are some other really strong competitors.
- Ka-ka-ka, ka-da-da-ka-ka, pow - I'm not taking nothing for granted.
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! God.
- You got to do it like a Band-Aid.
It's not a time to get comfortable.
- That was so painful.
Thank you, babe.
[car engine starts.]
[bell rings.]
- The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race receives a one-year supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics and a cash prize of $100,000.
With extra special guest judges Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth.
- RuPaul's Drag Race - May the best woman - Best woman win - I am American, American, American - Hey, y'all.
- Hey, y'all.
- Lo pasado, pasado.
It's a brand-new day in the workroom, and I feel great.
Has anybody else started to have, like, really weird dreams at night? -Me.
-Yeah.
-Oh, my gosh.
-Yes.
- I had a dirty dream about Sasha.
-Aah! -Oh.
- Rated R? [alarm.]
- Ooh, girl, Saved by the ooh, girl.
- She done already done had herses.
America's next drag superstar needs to respect the craft of acting.
So when the spotlight hits you, you can deliver your line with diction and conviction.
[clears throat.]
Freeze, you honky bitch! [all laugh.]
Thank you.
[applause.]
Thank you.
- I think she was talking to me 'cause I'm the only honky bitch.
[all laugh.]
- Hello, hello, hello.
[all cheer.]
Ladies, get ready to rewind to 1993.
- When I was born! - You were born in '93? - Yeah.
- I'm gonna fuck you up.
[all laugh.]
For this week's maxi challenge, you'll be acting in a classic high school drama that we're calling 9021-Ho.
[all laugh.]
And you can hashtag that.
#9021HO Later today, you'll head over to the set to meet your co-directors, from the original Beverly Hills 90210, the legendary Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling.
[cheering.]
- My mind is blown.
- Peppermint, you survived last week's lip sync, so you get to assign the roles.
It's back to class, ladies, but this time, you're going to rule the school.
So good luck, and don't fuck it up.
- Oh, my God, this is great.
- Wow.
- 90210 was the show that I would, like, sneak into my brother's room to watch.
This is my childhood right here.
I'm an expert on 90210, so I feel really ready for this challenge.
- All right, let's go through it.
Blenda Schmaltz, she's the original high school bitch.
Monna Dartin, good girl.
She's a virgin.
Then there's Grandrea Zuckerwoman, the high school senior who looks 50 years old.
Ooh, she's pregnant and doesn't know it.
Wow.
- Do you have any inclinations? - My approach is to ask the girls what roles they want to do, because I don't want to be blamed if somebody doesn't do well in this challenge.
I want to know if there's anything that speaks to anybody.
- My first two choices are Mirror Monna Dartin or Bethani Glamber Gliessen.
- I was kind of into, like, Blenda.
- I kind of like all of them, but, like, my favorites are Mirror Monna Dartin or Blenda because they're both bitchy and nasty.
- Okay.
So, ladies, I have cast the production.
The role of Blenda Schmaltz will be played by Nina Bo'nina Brown.
- Word.
Thank you, Pepper.
- Bethani will be played by Shea.
- Yes.
- Grandrea Zuckerwoman will be played by Aja.
- That was none of my picks.
- I know that.
[sighs.]
God.
- Don't roll your eyes.
- Don't get in your head, girl.
- It's gonna be good.
- It's just frustrating because I always land a role that I don't want.
- Let's just make this work.
- Can I go on a smoke break? - Are you that stressed out? - Yeah, I don't want to be Grandrea.
- Girl, you gotta grow up and accept the challenge.
- I don't have to.
- [sighs.]
If it's going to be that tense, I'll take Grandrea and she can-- - No, you don't have to because it's not your detriment.
- What I'm saying is, I can do-- - You know what? I'm making a decision.
You two are swapping roles.
- I don't want to be a-- - You're swapping roles.
- I know, but I'm not trying to-- - You already said you're stressed.
I know how you feel.
But now what role do you have? -Bethani.
-Are you cool with that? - Yeah, I'm cool with-- like, I don't mean trouble.
- It's just we got a lot to-- - Let's rehearse.
- I think Aja doesn't want to play a grandma.
It's one of the biggest parts in the show, and you traded it in for a bitch who's only in the last scene.
So now you look like a bitch playing a bitch in the last scene.
- I feel so childish right now.
- Well, you probably should, girl.
- Coming up -Action.
-Action.
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- I'm the new bitch in this school.
- Who wants my virginity? - Mom, what are you doing here? This week's maxi challenge is to act in the new TV classic 9021-Ho.
- We need to, like-- we need to run off like-- like run, like, flipping our hair.
- Me and Trinity are going to add a little quirks and kirks--is that a word? Qui--quirk.
We're adding little quirks-- Are you sure that's a word? Quirks.
Anyways, we're doing these little things together, and I think it's going to read really well on camera.
- She didn't wear it up on her head like that.
- But that's very nineties to me.
- Um, can I make a suggestion? - Yeah, what's up? - 'Cause you say your name, right? - Yeah, Grandrea.
- Say it--yeah, Grandrea, so that it sounds like Andrea.
- Okay, girl, we get it.
You watched the show a lot.
- They definitely had, like, more natural eyebrows in the nineties.
So, like, not too thin or not too sculptural.
- Girl, bye.
Fuera.
- It's time for us to shoot 9021-Ho.
I'm looking to toe up, but I'm loving it, and I'm ready to go.
- Hello, ladies.
I'm Jennie and I will be your director today.
- Excuse me, hi.
I'm Tori.
Actually, I'm your director.
- You know what, Tor? It's not always about you, okay? - Well, of course, it is.
- Hmm.
I've been wanting to do this a long time.
- [gasps.]
- Oh! And scene.
[all laugh.]
- Now, ladies, that's what you call acting.
- Let's see it.
Places, everybody.
- And -Action.
-Action.
- Uh, uh, I'm Grandrea Zuckerwoman and I'm a [coughs.]
I'm a [coughs.]
I'm a senior.
- A senior what? - [laughs and snorts.]
- And cut.
- Shea, your cough and snort combo-- really, really something.
- Well, thank you.
I'm a terrible asthmatic.
[laughs.]
- Let's move on.
- Maybe at this new school, you shouldn't be such a bitch.
- Where are the cool people at in the school? -Cut.
-Nina, maybe try it with, like, a different tone.
- Where are the cool people at? This school.
- No.
Maybe lose the pause before "at.
" - Where are the cool people at this school? - Where are the cool people at? - Where are the cool people in this school? - Our milkshakes are melting because Nina keeps messing up her lines, and it's taking forever for them to get to us.
- The girl-to-boy ratio here blows.
- Nina, I would recommend maybe articulating a little bit more on that line.
- The girl-to-boy ratio blows.
- Nina speaks super fast.
La-la-la-la-la-la.
- Hey, Nina.
- The girl-to-boy ratio.
Just make sure that we can really understand your words.
-Time to move on.
-Action.
- [gasps.]
Oh, my God, Marta-- [laughs.]
- Did you forget who you were? -Yeah.
I got it now.
-Okay.
- Marna Donny-- Sorry.
Can I start that over? - Cut.
-Monna Dartin.
-Okay, got it.
-You okay, Farrah? -Yeah, sorry.
- Got it? Okay.
Action.
- Oh, my God, Monna Dartin, we're seniors.
- There's enough calories in that to kill you.
But we all gotta die of something.
- Cut.
Uh, Sasha, ham it up.
Don't be afraid to go big.
- And I think your whole performance, you could be just a little-- -Notch up.
-Boozier.
-Okay.
-And action.
- Mom, stop copying me.
No wonder I'm addicted to speed.
- I'm addicted to speed, too.
-No, you're not! -No, you're not! -Mom! -Mom! -[laughs.]
-And cut.
Trinity, you were great.
You were like bang on through the whole scene.
So good job.
This is a big scene.
- This is my favorite scene.
There's two Donnas.
- Two Donnas.
-And no Kelly.
Yeah.
-Of course you love it.
- You're going to be talking into a mirror, and your actor is not going to be there talking back to you, so that can get really confusing.
- Kind of like Avatar.
- It's nothing like Avatar.
-[laughs.]
-And action.
- Dear darling Monna, of course you're still a virgin.
You're scared of everything.
- And cut.
You are like the devil, so I would say amp that up.
-Okay.
-Like, a lot.
- Okay, energy up and action.
- But I've never had a drink before.
- Listen, chickie, it's plain and simple.
Get drunk at the prom and get yourself laid! - But I'm scared.
- And cut.
- You did a great job.
I really believe that you're so sweet and innocent.
-But I am.
-[laughs.]
- This is the prom, you guys, so - Didn't you love those dance scenes? - No, I hated them.
They take forever, all day.
- Yeah.
- Remember, everybody, stay in character.
If you're a bitch, be a bitch the whole time.
- If you're a whore, be a whore.
- Yeah.
[all laugh.]
Are you talking about me? - No, did I look at you? - You did.
- Places, please, ladies.
Action.
- I want to sex you up.
- Okay.
- Cut, cut, cut.
Sorry, guys.
Kissing scenes are always awkward.
- Mm-hmm.
You have to touch lips.
I mean-- - You have to make it look real.
- We don't care.
We'll do it.
- We'll kiss.
We'll kiss.
- Here comes all of Aja's tongue in my mouth.
- [laughs.]
- We might have to get married after this.
- Cut.
That is a print.
Let's move on.
-Action.
-Action.
- We're never going to see each other again.
- Yes, we are.
We're gall going to the sa-- I'll start over again.
Yes, we are.
We're going to the same college.
We're gonna work together.
- Cut.
- Aja, she is a real bitch.
Let's see that.
And action.
- Yes, we are.
We're all going to the same college.
We're gonna work together again.
- I just have one thing to say, and that's-- Oh, oh, oh! I'm not even pregnant.
-And cut.
-And cut.
- Well, I think our job here is done.
-Yep.
-Aja's performance is meh.
Shea took a role that she didn't want and made it really funny.
You know Aja has got to be cracked.
- Coming up Category is big hair everywhere.
Take that, Chaka Khan.
[Michelle laughs.]
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- Ha! - Oh, my hair looks sickening.
- We're getting ready for runway, and I genuinely feel stupid for reacting the way I did yesterday.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm looking back at, like, my little stupid tantrum and I'm just laughing now because it was so dumb.
- Well, I'm glad you can see that.
- I definitely, like, feel like I made a mistake.
The only thing you can do now is just focus on my runway, because I need to ace this shit.
- So I know both of you wanted to be my date to prom, but I finally made my choice.
I choose me.
- [laughs.]
- I went to so many proms in high school.
- My junior year, I went with a boy to prom.
We went to our winter formal in drag.
-Yes.
-Oh, my God.
- This is my good girl Kristin.
- I went to prom, and I won Prom King.
-Yay! -Of course you did.
- My high school experience was bad.
In high school, my grandmother got sick.
She had cancer.
So the last two years of high school, I quit school to take care of my grandmother and just home schooled myself.
My mother died when I was eight from complications of HIV.
She was in the wrong business.
She was an exotic dancer.
She did drugs.
So I was raised by my grandparents, and my grandmother got terminally ill when I was 16 and died when I was 18.
I never got to do like a prom.
I never got to do a senior trip or a graduation or anything like that.
I missed out on a lot of things that kids get to do in high school, but that was my choice.
I did that on my own because I loved her.
- I've lost so many relatives to cancer.
-Oh.
-My dad has multiple myeloma, which is in the bone marrow.
I kind of put up a barrier between my dad and I when I started doing drag.
He's just never been a man that really expressed his love through words or actions because he's a military man and, you know, conservative.
And then I think because of his cancer diagnosis, it's put some things into perspective for him.
One day he gave me a call, and he's, like, I just want to let you know that I love you regardless.
I know that you're just an artist, that this is your expression.
And it was the most validating experience I've ever had.
And I just realize that my time with him is limited and he's actually way more accepting and loving than I gave him credit for.
- I know it was a real struggle for my mom.
She actually was, like, really not comfortable -Onboard? -with the drag.
- Is that something that you struggle with feeling unresolved about? - Yeah.
That's why I'm a bald queen.
When she lost her hair, she felt she couldn't be beautiful.
-Oh.
-Oh.
- Right after I graduated from college, my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
Chemo made her lose all of her hair.
I am a bald queen to represent for my mother.
Taking all of that and turning that into drag in my own way was the most important thing I've ever done in my life.
And I feel like the drag queen I am now is not the drag queen that she got to see, either.
- I really do believe that the people that leave us are watching us and can see us.
- Yeah.
- And I bet that she's really proud of the queen that you've become.
- Thank you.
- You should try to get up a meeting with the Hollywood Medium.
- You know I offer readings, right? - Girl, you know I'm into SanterÃa and all that spiritual stuff.
- I would like that.
- Aja Queen, the Bed-Stuy medium.
- We'll get together one day.
- We will do that.
I'll bring you a chicken.
- [laughs.]
Shut up! Rawk! [RuPaul laughs.]
- Covergirl, put the bass in your walk Head to toe let your whole body talk And what? - Welcome to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race.
President of the Theater Club, Michelle Visage.
- Ru, can you see my follicles? - No, but Rizzo is PG.
Pass it on.
-Okay.
-In high school, he was voted most likely to "tszuj" a straight guy.
Carson Kressley.
- Oh, actually, I was voted most likely to suck-seed.
- [laughs.]
The OG Kelly Taylor, Jennie Garth is here.
Now, did you learn anything from my girls? - How about the more you know, the less you ho? - It's a good point.
And the OG Donna Martin, Tori Spelling is here.
Now, Tori, I've always wanted to ask you this.
Mother, may I sleep with danger? - Yes, you may.
Mama likie.
[laughs.]
- This week, we challenged our queens to star in a new TV classic, 9021-Ho.
Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win.
Category is big hair everywhere.
Valentina.
- Lily pads for light days.
- My inspiration was Miss Diana Ross.
Believe it or not, I'm only wearing four wigs at once.
- Ooh, Diana Rose.
- Well, I'm seeing very Donna Summer's-Eve.
[all laugh.]
Farrah Moan.
[imitating Mae West.]
Oh, what a big tease.
-Hubba-hubba.
-My runway look pays homage to RuPaul and Dolly Parton.
I'm really feeling this look.
- I think she's prematurely gray.
Trinity Taylor.
- That's Barbar-fella.
- Girl, this wig is standing up by the grace of God.
But my holy Jesus, do I look fabulous.
- Oh, that reminds me.
I have to get dental floss today.
- Sasha Velour.
- It's like Sid ate Nancy.
- I'm representing a side of me and a side of Brooklyn that is a necessary palate cleanser from all these, like, big hair pageant beauties.
- Never mind the Bullocks.
- Bollocks.
- I'm talking about the department store on Wilshire.
-Yeah.
-God, I miss that.
-Not Sandra? -No.
-Peppermint.
-Take that, Chaka Khan.
- I am serving classic, old school, disco diva with a dangerous fiery flair.
-Hot.
-Yes.
- Oil treatment.
[all laugh.]
- Nina Bo'nina Brown Jessica Parker.
- Oh.
She's really taking this catwalk thing seriously.
[Michelle laughs.]
- I like to do sex appeal and I like to give face.
Girl, I'm giving you just cat, pussy, girl, pussy.
- Wake me up before you calico-co.
-Ow.
-Shea Coulee.
Yes, honey, she is going back to her roots.
-Okay.
-I say Shea is equal parts bougie and banji.
Bitch, I'm really feeling the fantasy right now.
- That's why she's so popular.
She knows how to handle a Big Gulp.
- Alexis Michelle.
- Oh, look, it's Helena Bottom Carter.
- Yes.
[laughs.]
- I am serving you some big hair, don't care, Ursula-inspired sea hag.
- Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
-Aja.
-Whoomp, there it is.
- I'm channeling a little Queen of Hearts, a little Alexander McQueen.
A lot of queen.
[laughs.]
- I know why the caged queen - Does something? [all laugh.]
-Does she sing? -She sings.
- Coming up -You nailed it.
-You're perfect.
- It felt kind of flat for me.
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- Welcome, ladies.
Let's take a look at my new favorite show, 9021-Ho.
-Brrrr! -Hush up, Michelle.
My show is on.
[theme music plays.]
- Wow, our first day at a new school.
Isn't that awesome? - No, it sucks.
The girl-to-boy ratio here blows.
- Maybe at this new school you shouldn't be such a bitch.
Where's our first class? - Let's ask that old, old lady over there.
- Hi.
Welcome to West Beverly Johnson High School.
I'm Grandrea Zuckerwoman, and I'm a-- [wheezes.]
[coughs.]
I'm a senior.
- A senior what? Were you held back for, like, three decades? - [laughs and snorts.]
I'm also president of the abstinence club.
- I can see that worked out.
- Hi, I'm Brandy Schmaltz.
I'm running for class president.
- Okay.
You two are tragic.
Where are the cool people? - Oh, you must mean them.
Nelly, she's the totally pretty popular one, and that's Monna Dartin, the last virgin of the class of '93.
- Oh, my God, Monna Dartin, we're seniors.
- Nelly, look, it's Dillard.
- Are you guys going to the prom together? - I haven't decided yet.
And why is the diner in the school? - Enough damn questions.
Here's some fries.
There's enough cholesterol in there to kill you.
- Mmm.
- We all gotta die of something.
- But not before I lose my virginity.
- Oh, I was a virgin once.
Then Mr.
Adam of the Adam's Apple gave me his big, thick, juicy, foot-long hot dog? - I love hot dogs.
- I love hot dogs, too! - Mom! What are you doing here? - Senior year.
I'm so excited.
And prom is coming.
- Mom! Stop copying me.
No wonder I'm addicted to speed.
- I'm addicted to speed, too! -No, you're not.
-No, you're not.
-Mom! -Mom! - Mom, if you don't cut it out, I'm gonna join a cult.
- Honey, don't go without me! - Oh! - [sighs.]
What's wrong with me? Why am I still a virgin? - Isn't it obvious? -Who's there? -Psst.
I'm right here in the mirror, dumb-ass.
- [gasps.]
- No wonder you're a virgin.
You're afraid of everything.
You should get wild.
- Like, do drugs? - No! Remember, this is your brain.
This is your brain on drugs, on a croissant.
- Mmm, sounds delicious.
- Listen, chickie, it's plain and simple.
Get drunk at the prom and get yourself laid! - But I'm scared.
- Go, girl.
- All right, just a sip.
[clears throat.]
- So I know you both wanted to be my date for prom, but I've made my choice and I chooseme.
- I'll date you! And you! - Oh, Mom! I can't believe you joined the same cult as me.
Oh.
- Eww, this prom sucks.
- God, Blenda, don't be such a bitch! - Yeah, because I'm Bethani Glamber Gliessen, and I'm the new bitch in this school.
- Oh, you can't touch this.
- Whoo! There it is.
- I'm too legit to quit.
- Aah! Nice try, you 9021-Ho! - Oh! [bell rings.]
- Ooh, saved by the bell.
- Oh.
I'm outta here.
I'm gonna go play a witch on Charmed.
- Wow.
I have never seen anybody stand up to my sister like that before.
You're hot.
I want to sex you up.
- I was gonna wait till college to experiment, butokay.
- Whoo! Oh! - What's her problem? - Party.
Who wants to take my virginity? - Oh, that's it, Monna Dartin! No drag-uation for you.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You guys, just stop! Look, everybody makes mistakes.
You're a terrible mother.
You joined a cult.
You're old and you're pregnant.
- Well, I still don't think she should drag-uate.
- Pipe down.
You're just a fifth season replacement.
- [gasps.]
- So what do you say, guys? Let's give her another chance.
Let Monna Dartin drag-uate.
[chanting.]
Monna Dartin drag-uate.
Monna Dartin drag-uate.
- Well Okay.
-Yay! -Yay! [cheering.]
- Aah! - Fellow drag-uates, I just have one thing to say and it's Oh! Oh! - Honey, your water just broke.
- 23 skidoo.
- I can't believe we all just drag-uated.
- Hey, everybody, I just realized.
We're never going to see each other again.
- Yes, we are.
We're all going to the same college.
And you and Nelly are going to have your own sitcom on ABC Family.
- I want an ABC Family sitcom, too.
- Oh, Mom.
I can't even be mad at you right now.
- Hey, everybody.
The witch is back.
-Friends forever.
-Friends forever.
[cheers and applause.]
- You guys did an amazing job.
But now it's time for the judges' reviews.
Coming up - I thought you were hilarious.
- You look gorgeous.
You're a follicular tour de force.
- What did you call her? [all laugh, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- Welcome, ladies.
I've made some decisions.
Farrah Moan.
Peppermint.
Alexis Michelle.
Ladies, you are safe.
You may leave the stage.
Now it's time for the follica-tease critiques.
First up, Valentina.
- I happen to love this look.
I like the way you've also accessorized it with the gloves, which is a really beautiful touch.
- And as Monna Dartin - [clears throat.]
- I mean, that's my namesake.
I thought you had a lot of great levels and you nailed it.
- One of the great things about Tori was that she always did a lot of physical comedy, and I think that you did the role justice.
You're perfect.
- Thank you so much.
-Sasha Velour.
-Hi.
- You look different from everybody out here.
And you're on-brand and your look always has a point of view.
- It's so on point.
So on point.
Literally.
[all laugh.]
- And your lunch lady.
I just wanted you to go further with it.
You weren't letting go completely.
- There were a few zingers in there that quite didn't land.
- I wish I had just played the comedy a little bit more straightforward.
And maybe it didn't need the Meryl Streep treatment.
- Yeah, well [all laugh.]
-Trinity Taylor.
-You look gorgeous.
You're a follicular tour de force.
- What did you call her? - I gotta jump to Nelly's mom, because that was amazing.
I thought you were hilarious.
Your comedy is impeccable.
- I want an ABC Family sitcom, too! - You were stealing scenes, and it was so right.
Like, I could lick you right now.
- Up next, Nina Bo'nina Brown Carrington Colby.
- I love all this.
The only thing that's become predictable is that legging with a boot and a corset.
So I want to challenge you to think of a different silhouette.
- In 9021-Ho, you weren't really selling the lines.
- I feel like directing-wise, we did work with you the most and we felt nervous.
We felt nervous you were going to be mad at us.
- You know, it was times where I was like, they really aren't buying it.
And then, I started getting into my head, like, I didn't really have fun delivering it.
- Thank you, Nina.
Shake a leg, Shea Coulee.
- So normally when you come out on this runway in a bathing suit and a jacket, I'm going to read you to filth.
But you put so much character in it that I bought it.
I know that girl.
She's a working girl in New York City by the Greyhound terminal.
- In your portrayal as Grandrea, you were so confident.
- Your makeup, your body language, all of it was perfection.
- What a brilliant character.
I loved it.
- Thank you, Tori.
- Up next, Aja.
- Your makeup is blended, and it just looks really, really pretty, and I love this hair on you.
Tonight is quite possibly the best you've ever looked.
- As Ti-- How do you say it? - Bethani.
Just say that which we don't speak of.
- Yes.
We know her as that which we don't speak of.
You didn't feel grounded in that.
- You were playing the bitch.
She's a mean girl, and it felt kind of flat for me.
- Now, Aja, you switched with Shea Coulee.
What frightened you about playing the older role? - To be honest, I just kind offreaked.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
- Thank you, ladies.
While you untuck backstage, the judges and I will deliberate.
All right, now just between us popular kids, what do you think? Valentina.
- I thought she did a really good job just as an actress and embodying that part.
- She was funny, she was stumbling around, getting into her drunk character.
She was in character the whole time until she came off camera to tell us that she used watch 90210 with her babysitter.
Which made us feel real old.
- Sasha Velour.
- Her performance was a little underwhelming for me, like she could have gone so much further with it.
- She could have sassed the character up a little bit more.
- Trinity Taylor.
- She played the hell out of Nelly's mom.
She was fully Jennifer Coolidge and it was so, so good.
- She's the ultimate scene stealer.
- Right down to her messy lipstick, she had the character down.
- Tonight was a really strong night for Trinity.
- Nina Bo'nina Brown Ellis Ross.
- Her acting, for me, was a little bit lost.
- She alluded to there being some friction on the set.
What happened? - She was a little bit defensive.
- That's been an ongoing storyline with her.
- We couldn't tell if she was angry that we were giving her direction.
- Trust me, she was angry.
- Oh, really? See, I told you.
- She's out there keying your car right now.
- Yes, exactly.
Shea Coulee.
- I thought she was fantastic in the acting challenge.
- Shea went for it and then some.
You couldn't help but fall in love with this character.
- But I was so surprised when she walked out and she looked completely different than she did yesterday.
- She slayed the house down.
- Aja.
- The acting gave me Aja-ta.
-Oh, dear.
-I think it's interesting that she threw a fit about playing the mean girl because she wasn't really mean and she wasn't really good.
-She's not even a girl.
-Hello.
She basically handed Shea a moment to shine.
There was one note, one thing, hair flip over and over.
- Hey, a lot of actresses have made a big career on a hair flip and one-note bitch delivery.
- Sure, yeah.
- But she's not gonna be one of them.
- Silence.
I've made my decision.
Bring back my drag-uates.
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- Welcome back, ladies.
I've made some decisions.
Valentina, as Monna Dartin the virgin, you really popped.
Trinity Taylor, as Nelly's mom, you had it going on.
Shea Coulee, making us laugh like you did will never get old.
Trinity Taylor, con-drag-ulations.
You're the winner of this week's challenge.
You've won a $2,000 gift card from Fabric Planet, longtime supporters of the LGBT experience.
- Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I'm back on top, girls, and it feels great.
- Valentina, Shea, you're both safe.
You may join the other girls.
- Aja, your bitch was botched.
Sasha Velour, your lunch lady left us hungry.
- Nina Bo'nina Brown Abdul-Jabbar, your acting was too tame and I ain't lyin'.
Sasha Velour you are safe.
- Thank you so much.
[sighs.]
- Aja, Nina, I'm sorry, my dears, but you are up for elimination.
Two queens stand before me.
Ladies, this is your last chance to impress me and save yourself from elimination.
The time has come [thunder.]
to lip sync [echoing.]
for your life.
Good luck and don't fuck it up.
[music plays.]
- Meeting Mr.
Right, the man of my dreams The one who shows me true love Or at least it seems With brown cocoa skin and curly black hair It's just the way he looks at me That gentle loving stare It seems so many times, you seemed to be the one But all he ever wanted was to have a little fun But now you've come along and brightened up my world In my heart I feel it, I'm that special kind of girl Oh, no, no, finally It has happened to me Right in front of my face And I just cannot hide it Finally Oh, finally Yeah, yeah, oh, oh Finally, finally, finally, finally Finally you've come along The way I feel about you, it just can't be wrong If you only knew the way I feel about you I just can't describe it Oh, no, no, finally It has happened to me right in front of my face My feelings can't describe it Finally it has happened [cheers and applause.]
- Ladies, I've made my decision.
Nina Bo'nina Brown, shantay, you stay.
- Thank you.
- You may join the other girls.
Aja, the way I feel about you, it just can't be wrong.
Love you, girl.
- Thank you so much for everything.
I've learned a lot about myself here, and I really owe it to you guys.
So thank you so much.
- Thank you.
Now sashay away.
[applause.]
- I learned that this show is way harder than you think.
I came here, and I was like I got this.
And then I was like, okay, okay.
I feel extremely disappointed that I couldn't go further.
I might be eliminated, but every dog has its day.
Woof.
- Con-drag-ulations, my queens.
And remember, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here? -Amen! -Amen! - All right, now let the music play.
- Hey, kitty girl It's your world Hey, kitty, kitty girl Whoa-oh-oh
[all cheer.]
[all laugh.]
-No! -Bloop! - Titties.
They help me to be successful in this entertainment business.
- Peppermint.
- NeNe Leakes, you could have gone anywhere with her, but it just doesn't cross the finish line.
- Cynthia Lee Fontaine.
- I love the choice of Sofia Vergara for you, but I didn't understand what was going on.
And it wasn't the accent.
- Alexis Michelle.
- You do such a good Liza, she better watch her back.
- Con-drag-ulations.
You're the winner of this week's challenge.
- Peppermint, shantay, you stay.
Cynthia Lee Fontaine, sashay away.
- Oh, my gosh, this is so tight.
- I think Peppermint is a little shaken after being in the bottom two.
But that lip sync, girl, she did the damn thing.
I think we got a real lip sync assassin on our hands.
- I'm just so happy that Cynthia had a second chance.
She brought so much love and joy.
- I love her, but, bye, bitch! - Trinity is the new official messy queen of Season 9.
- No, I am the new official cucu.
-Oh! -Whoo! -Hey! -Yes.
- Cynthia went home, and unfortunately, that's how this cookie is gonna crumble for a lot of girls.
There can only be one, and some of these girls got to go.
Congratulations to you, though.
I'm so happy that you actually won.
- Ross said that I am rising up.
It felt really good to get some really strong critiques.
Thank you, Ross.
I will take that to heart.
- Alexis Michelle finally won a challenge.
Girl, watch out 'cause she is going to make it me, me, me, me, me She's going to make it the Alexis show.
- I feel good about what I did, and hopefully from now on I can just kind of like have a little fun and let down my guard a little bit.
-Good.
-No, not hopefully.
From now on, you're gonna let down your guard and have more fun.
Right, girl? - Okay, mom.
Thank y'all for all y'all's, you know, support and reading me behind my back.
- Girl, we read you to your face, too.
From now on, we ain't gonna be giving you no more compliments 'cause now you's some real competition, bitch.
-So let's get out of this drag.
-Well, on that note, bitch.
- [sighs.]
- You guys, who am I? - [whiny voice.]
I need to smoke, why? You can never wear enough highlighter.
Oh - The competition is getting a lot tighter.
I feel like I am a strong competitor.
But there are some other really strong competitors.
- Ka-ka-ka, ka-da-da-ka-ka, pow - I'm not taking nothing for granted.
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Aah! God.
- You got to do it like a Band-Aid.
It's not a time to get comfortable.
- That was so painful.
Thank you, babe.
[car engine starts.]
[bell rings.]
- The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race receives a one-year supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics and a cash prize of $100,000.
With extra special guest judges Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth.
- RuPaul's Drag Race - May the best woman - Best woman win - I am American, American, American - Hey, y'all.
- Hey, y'all.
- Lo pasado, pasado.
It's a brand-new day in the workroom, and I feel great.
Has anybody else started to have, like, really weird dreams at night? -Me.
-Yeah.
-Oh, my gosh.
-Yes.
- I had a dirty dream about Sasha.
-Aah! -Oh.
- Rated R? [alarm.]
- Ooh, girl, Saved by the ooh, girl.
- She done already done had herses.
America's next drag superstar needs to respect the craft of acting.
So when the spotlight hits you, you can deliver your line with diction and conviction.
[clears throat.]
Freeze, you honky bitch! [all laugh.]
Thank you.
[applause.]
Thank you.
- I think she was talking to me 'cause I'm the only honky bitch.
[all laugh.]
- Hello, hello, hello.
[all cheer.]
Ladies, get ready to rewind to 1993.
- When I was born! - You were born in '93? - Yeah.
- I'm gonna fuck you up.
[all laugh.]
For this week's maxi challenge, you'll be acting in a classic high school drama that we're calling 9021-Ho.
[all laugh.]
And you can hashtag that.
#9021HO Later today, you'll head over to the set to meet your co-directors, from the original Beverly Hills 90210, the legendary Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling.
[cheering.]
- My mind is blown.
- Peppermint, you survived last week's lip sync, so you get to assign the roles.
It's back to class, ladies, but this time, you're going to rule the school.
So good luck, and don't fuck it up.
- Oh, my God, this is great.
- Wow.
- 90210 was the show that I would, like, sneak into my brother's room to watch.
This is my childhood right here.
I'm an expert on 90210, so I feel really ready for this challenge.
- All right, let's go through it.
Blenda Schmaltz, she's the original high school bitch.
Monna Dartin, good girl.
She's a virgin.
Then there's Grandrea Zuckerwoman, the high school senior who looks 50 years old.
Ooh, she's pregnant and doesn't know it.
Wow.
- Do you have any inclinations? - My approach is to ask the girls what roles they want to do, because I don't want to be blamed if somebody doesn't do well in this challenge.
I want to know if there's anything that speaks to anybody.
- My first two choices are Mirror Monna Dartin or Bethani Glamber Gliessen.
- I was kind of into, like, Blenda.
- I kind of like all of them, but, like, my favorites are Mirror Monna Dartin or Blenda because they're both bitchy and nasty.
- Okay.
So, ladies, I have cast the production.
The role of Blenda Schmaltz will be played by Nina Bo'nina Brown.
- Word.
Thank you, Pepper.
- Bethani will be played by Shea.
- Yes.
- Grandrea Zuckerwoman will be played by Aja.
- That was none of my picks.
- I know that.
[sighs.]
God.
- Don't roll your eyes.
- Don't get in your head, girl.
- It's gonna be good.
- It's just frustrating because I always land a role that I don't want.
- Let's just make this work.
- Can I go on a smoke break? - Are you that stressed out? - Yeah, I don't want to be Grandrea.
- Girl, you gotta grow up and accept the challenge.
- I don't have to.
- [sighs.]
If it's going to be that tense, I'll take Grandrea and she can-- - No, you don't have to because it's not your detriment.
- What I'm saying is, I can do-- - You know what? I'm making a decision.
You two are swapping roles.
- I don't want to be a-- - You're swapping roles.
- I know, but I'm not trying to-- - You already said you're stressed.
I know how you feel.
But now what role do you have? -Bethani.
-Are you cool with that? - Yeah, I'm cool with-- like, I don't mean trouble.
- It's just we got a lot to-- - Let's rehearse.
- I think Aja doesn't want to play a grandma.
It's one of the biggest parts in the show, and you traded it in for a bitch who's only in the last scene.
So now you look like a bitch playing a bitch in the last scene.
- I feel so childish right now.
- Well, you probably should, girl.
- Coming up -Action.
-Action.
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- I'm the new bitch in this school.
- Who wants my virginity? - Mom, what are you doing here? This week's maxi challenge is to act in the new TV classic 9021-Ho.
- We need to, like-- we need to run off like-- like run, like, flipping our hair.
- Me and Trinity are going to add a little quirks and kirks--is that a word? Qui--quirk.
We're adding little quirks-- Are you sure that's a word? Quirks.
Anyways, we're doing these little things together, and I think it's going to read really well on camera.
- She didn't wear it up on her head like that.
- But that's very nineties to me.
- Um, can I make a suggestion? - Yeah, what's up? - 'Cause you say your name, right? - Yeah, Grandrea.
- Say it--yeah, Grandrea, so that it sounds like Andrea.
- Okay, girl, we get it.
You watched the show a lot.
- They definitely had, like, more natural eyebrows in the nineties.
So, like, not too thin or not too sculptural.
- Girl, bye.
Fuera.
- It's time for us to shoot 9021-Ho.
I'm looking to toe up, but I'm loving it, and I'm ready to go.
- Hello, ladies.
I'm Jennie and I will be your director today.
- Excuse me, hi.
I'm Tori.
Actually, I'm your director.
- You know what, Tor? It's not always about you, okay? - Well, of course, it is.
- Hmm.
I've been wanting to do this a long time.
- [gasps.]
- Oh! And scene.
[all laugh.]
- Now, ladies, that's what you call acting.
- Let's see it.
Places, everybody.
- And -Action.
-Action.
- Uh, uh, I'm Grandrea Zuckerwoman and I'm a [coughs.]
I'm a [coughs.]
I'm a senior.
- A senior what? - [laughs and snorts.]
- And cut.
- Shea, your cough and snort combo-- really, really something.
- Well, thank you.
I'm a terrible asthmatic.
[laughs.]
- Let's move on.
- Maybe at this new school, you shouldn't be such a bitch.
- Where are the cool people at in the school? -Cut.
-Nina, maybe try it with, like, a different tone.
- Where are the cool people at? This school.
- No.
Maybe lose the pause before "at.
" - Where are the cool people at this school? - Where are the cool people at? - Where are the cool people in this school? - Our milkshakes are melting because Nina keeps messing up her lines, and it's taking forever for them to get to us.
- The girl-to-boy ratio here blows.
- Nina, I would recommend maybe articulating a little bit more on that line.
- The girl-to-boy ratio blows.
- Nina speaks super fast.
La-la-la-la-la-la.
- Hey, Nina.
- The girl-to-boy ratio.
Just make sure that we can really understand your words.
-Time to move on.
-Action.
- [gasps.]
Oh, my God, Marta-- [laughs.]
- Did you forget who you were? -Yeah.
I got it now.
-Okay.
- Marna Donny-- Sorry.
Can I start that over? - Cut.
-Monna Dartin.
-Okay, got it.
-You okay, Farrah? -Yeah, sorry.
- Got it? Okay.
Action.
- Oh, my God, Monna Dartin, we're seniors.
- There's enough calories in that to kill you.
But we all gotta die of something.
- Cut.
Uh, Sasha, ham it up.
Don't be afraid to go big.
- And I think your whole performance, you could be just a little-- -Notch up.
-Boozier.
-Okay.
-And action.
- Mom, stop copying me.
No wonder I'm addicted to speed.
- I'm addicted to speed, too.
-No, you're not! -No, you're not! -Mom! -Mom! -[laughs.]
-And cut.
Trinity, you were great.
You were like bang on through the whole scene.
So good job.
This is a big scene.
- This is my favorite scene.
There's two Donnas.
- Two Donnas.
-And no Kelly.
Yeah.
-Of course you love it.
- You're going to be talking into a mirror, and your actor is not going to be there talking back to you, so that can get really confusing.
- Kind of like Avatar.
- It's nothing like Avatar.
-[laughs.]
-And action.
- Dear darling Monna, of course you're still a virgin.
You're scared of everything.
- And cut.
You are like the devil, so I would say amp that up.
-Okay.
-Like, a lot.
- Okay, energy up and action.
- But I've never had a drink before.
- Listen, chickie, it's plain and simple.
Get drunk at the prom and get yourself laid! - But I'm scared.
- And cut.
- You did a great job.
I really believe that you're so sweet and innocent.
-But I am.
-[laughs.]
- This is the prom, you guys, so - Didn't you love those dance scenes? - No, I hated them.
They take forever, all day.
- Yeah.
- Remember, everybody, stay in character.
If you're a bitch, be a bitch the whole time.
- If you're a whore, be a whore.
- Yeah.
[all laugh.]
Are you talking about me? - No, did I look at you? - You did.
- Places, please, ladies.
Action.
- I want to sex you up.
- Okay.
- Cut, cut, cut.
Sorry, guys.
Kissing scenes are always awkward.
- Mm-hmm.
You have to touch lips.
I mean-- - You have to make it look real.
- We don't care.
We'll do it.
- We'll kiss.
We'll kiss.
- Here comes all of Aja's tongue in my mouth.
- [laughs.]
- We might have to get married after this.
- Cut.
That is a print.
Let's move on.
-Action.
-Action.
- We're never going to see each other again.
- Yes, we are.
We're gall going to the sa-- I'll start over again.
Yes, we are.
We're going to the same college.
We're gonna work together.
- Cut.
- Aja, she is a real bitch.
Let's see that.
And action.
- Yes, we are.
We're all going to the same college.
We're gonna work together again.
- I just have one thing to say, and that's-- Oh, oh, oh! I'm not even pregnant.
-And cut.
-And cut.
- Well, I think our job here is done.
-Yep.
-Aja's performance is meh.
Shea took a role that she didn't want and made it really funny.
You know Aja has got to be cracked.
- Coming up Category is big hair everywhere.
Take that, Chaka Khan.
[Michelle laughs.]
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- Ha! - Oh, my hair looks sickening.
- We're getting ready for runway, and I genuinely feel stupid for reacting the way I did yesterday.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm looking back at, like, my little stupid tantrum and I'm just laughing now because it was so dumb.
- Well, I'm glad you can see that.
- I definitely, like, feel like I made a mistake.
The only thing you can do now is just focus on my runway, because I need to ace this shit.
- So I know both of you wanted to be my date to prom, but I finally made my choice.
I choose me.
- [laughs.]
- I went to so many proms in high school.
- My junior year, I went with a boy to prom.
We went to our winter formal in drag.
-Yes.
-Oh, my God.
- This is my good girl Kristin.
- I went to prom, and I won Prom King.
-Yay! -Of course you did.
- My high school experience was bad.
In high school, my grandmother got sick.
She had cancer.
So the last two years of high school, I quit school to take care of my grandmother and just home schooled myself.
My mother died when I was eight from complications of HIV.
She was in the wrong business.
She was an exotic dancer.
She did drugs.
So I was raised by my grandparents, and my grandmother got terminally ill when I was 16 and died when I was 18.
I never got to do like a prom.
I never got to do a senior trip or a graduation or anything like that.
I missed out on a lot of things that kids get to do in high school, but that was my choice.
I did that on my own because I loved her.
- I've lost so many relatives to cancer.
-Oh.
-My dad has multiple myeloma, which is in the bone marrow.
I kind of put up a barrier between my dad and I when I started doing drag.
He's just never been a man that really expressed his love through words or actions because he's a military man and, you know, conservative.
And then I think because of his cancer diagnosis, it's put some things into perspective for him.
One day he gave me a call, and he's, like, I just want to let you know that I love you regardless.
I know that you're just an artist, that this is your expression.
And it was the most validating experience I've ever had.
And I just realize that my time with him is limited and he's actually way more accepting and loving than I gave him credit for.
- I know it was a real struggle for my mom.
She actually was, like, really not comfortable -Onboard? -with the drag.
- Is that something that you struggle with feeling unresolved about? - Yeah.
That's why I'm a bald queen.
When she lost her hair, she felt she couldn't be beautiful.
-Oh.
-Oh.
- Right after I graduated from college, my mom was diagnosed with cancer.
Chemo made her lose all of her hair.
I am a bald queen to represent for my mother.
Taking all of that and turning that into drag in my own way was the most important thing I've ever done in my life.
And I feel like the drag queen I am now is not the drag queen that she got to see, either.
- I really do believe that the people that leave us are watching us and can see us.
- Yeah.
- And I bet that she's really proud of the queen that you've become.
- Thank you.
- You should try to get up a meeting with the Hollywood Medium.
- You know I offer readings, right? - Girl, you know I'm into SanterÃa and all that spiritual stuff.
- I would like that.
- Aja Queen, the Bed-Stuy medium.
- We'll get together one day.
- We will do that.
I'll bring you a chicken.
- [laughs.]
Shut up! Rawk! [RuPaul laughs.]
- Covergirl, put the bass in your walk Head to toe let your whole body talk And what? - Welcome to the main stage of RuPaul's Drag Race.
President of the Theater Club, Michelle Visage.
- Ru, can you see my follicles? - No, but Rizzo is PG.
Pass it on.
-Okay.
-In high school, he was voted most likely to "tszuj" a straight guy.
Carson Kressley.
- Oh, actually, I was voted most likely to suck-seed.
- [laughs.]
The OG Kelly Taylor, Jennie Garth is here.
Now, did you learn anything from my girls? - How about the more you know, the less you ho? - It's a good point.
And the OG Donna Martin, Tori Spelling is here.
Now, Tori, I've always wanted to ask you this.
Mother, may I sleep with danger? - Yes, you may.
Mama likie.
[laughs.]
- This week, we challenged our queens to star in a new TV classic, 9021-Ho.
Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win.
Category is big hair everywhere.
Valentina.
- Lily pads for light days.
- My inspiration was Miss Diana Ross.
Believe it or not, I'm only wearing four wigs at once.
- Ooh, Diana Rose.
- Well, I'm seeing very Donna Summer's-Eve.
[all laugh.]
Farrah Moan.
[imitating Mae West.]
Oh, what a big tease.
-Hubba-hubba.
-My runway look pays homage to RuPaul and Dolly Parton.
I'm really feeling this look.
- I think she's prematurely gray.
Trinity Taylor.
- That's Barbar-fella.
- Girl, this wig is standing up by the grace of God.
But my holy Jesus, do I look fabulous.
- Oh, that reminds me.
I have to get dental floss today.
- Sasha Velour.
- It's like Sid ate Nancy.
- I'm representing a side of me and a side of Brooklyn that is a necessary palate cleanser from all these, like, big hair pageant beauties.
- Never mind the Bullocks.
- Bollocks.
- I'm talking about the department store on Wilshire.
-Yeah.
-God, I miss that.
-Not Sandra? -No.
-Peppermint.
-Take that, Chaka Khan.
- I am serving classic, old school, disco diva with a dangerous fiery flair.
-Hot.
-Yes.
- Oil treatment.
[all laugh.]
- Nina Bo'nina Brown Jessica Parker.
- Oh.
She's really taking this catwalk thing seriously.
[Michelle laughs.]
- I like to do sex appeal and I like to give face.
Girl, I'm giving you just cat, pussy, girl, pussy.
- Wake me up before you calico-co.
-Ow.
-Shea Coulee.
Yes, honey, she is going back to her roots.
-Okay.
-I say Shea is equal parts bougie and banji.
Bitch, I'm really feeling the fantasy right now.
- That's why she's so popular.
She knows how to handle a Big Gulp.
- Alexis Michelle.
- Oh, look, it's Helena Bottom Carter.
- Yes.
[laughs.]
- I am serving you some big hair, don't care, Ursula-inspired sea hag.
- Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.
-Aja.
-Whoomp, there it is.
- I'm channeling a little Queen of Hearts, a little Alexander McQueen.
A lot of queen.
[laughs.]
- I know why the caged queen - Does something? [all laugh.]
-Does she sing? -She sings.
- Coming up -You nailed it.
-You're perfect.
- It felt kind of flat for me.
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- Welcome, ladies.
Let's take a look at my new favorite show, 9021-Ho.
-Brrrr! -Hush up, Michelle.
My show is on.
[theme music plays.]
- Wow, our first day at a new school.
Isn't that awesome? - No, it sucks.
The girl-to-boy ratio here blows.
- Maybe at this new school you shouldn't be such a bitch.
Where's our first class? - Let's ask that old, old lady over there.
- Hi.
Welcome to West Beverly Johnson High School.
I'm Grandrea Zuckerwoman, and I'm a-- [wheezes.]
[coughs.]
I'm a senior.
- A senior what? Were you held back for, like, three decades? - [laughs and snorts.]
I'm also president of the abstinence club.
- I can see that worked out.
- Hi, I'm Brandy Schmaltz.
I'm running for class president.
- Okay.
You two are tragic.
Where are the cool people? - Oh, you must mean them.
Nelly, she's the totally pretty popular one, and that's Monna Dartin, the last virgin of the class of '93.
- Oh, my God, Monna Dartin, we're seniors.
- Nelly, look, it's Dillard.
- Are you guys going to the prom together? - I haven't decided yet.
And why is the diner in the school? - Enough damn questions.
Here's some fries.
There's enough cholesterol in there to kill you.
- Mmm.
- We all gotta die of something.
- But not before I lose my virginity.
- Oh, I was a virgin once.
Then Mr.
Adam of the Adam's Apple gave me his big, thick, juicy, foot-long hot dog? - I love hot dogs.
- I love hot dogs, too! - Mom! What are you doing here? - Senior year.
I'm so excited.
And prom is coming.
- Mom! Stop copying me.
No wonder I'm addicted to speed.
- I'm addicted to speed, too! -No, you're not.
-No, you're not.
-Mom! -Mom! - Mom, if you don't cut it out, I'm gonna join a cult.
- Honey, don't go without me! - Oh! - [sighs.]
What's wrong with me? Why am I still a virgin? - Isn't it obvious? -Who's there? -Psst.
I'm right here in the mirror, dumb-ass.
- [gasps.]
- No wonder you're a virgin.
You're afraid of everything.
You should get wild.
- Like, do drugs? - No! Remember, this is your brain.
This is your brain on drugs, on a croissant.
- Mmm, sounds delicious.
- Listen, chickie, it's plain and simple.
Get drunk at the prom and get yourself laid! - But I'm scared.
- Go, girl.
- All right, just a sip.
[clears throat.]
- So I know you both wanted to be my date for prom, but I've made my choice and I chooseme.
- I'll date you! And you! - Oh, Mom! I can't believe you joined the same cult as me.
Oh.
- Eww, this prom sucks.
- God, Blenda, don't be such a bitch! - Yeah, because I'm Bethani Glamber Gliessen, and I'm the new bitch in this school.
- Oh, you can't touch this.
- Whoo! There it is.
- I'm too legit to quit.
- Aah! Nice try, you 9021-Ho! - Oh! [bell rings.]
- Ooh, saved by the bell.
- Oh.
I'm outta here.
I'm gonna go play a witch on Charmed.
- Wow.
I have never seen anybody stand up to my sister like that before.
You're hot.
I want to sex you up.
- I was gonna wait till college to experiment, butokay.
- Whoo! Oh! - What's her problem? - Party.
Who wants to take my virginity? - Oh, that's it, Monna Dartin! No drag-uation for you.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
You guys, just stop! Look, everybody makes mistakes.
You're a terrible mother.
You joined a cult.
You're old and you're pregnant.
- Well, I still don't think she should drag-uate.
- Pipe down.
You're just a fifth season replacement.
- [gasps.]
- So what do you say, guys? Let's give her another chance.
Let Monna Dartin drag-uate.
[chanting.]
Monna Dartin drag-uate.
Monna Dartin drag-uate.
- Well Okay.
-Yay! -Yay! [cheering.]
- Aah! - Fellow drag-uates, I just have one thing to say and it's Oh! Oh! - Honey, your water just broke.
- 23 skidoo.
- I can't believe we all just drag-uated.
- Hey, everybody, I just realized.
We're never going to see each other again.
- Yes, we are.
We're all going to the same college.
And you and Nelly are going to have your own sitcom on ABC Family.
- I want an ABC Family sitcom, too.
- Oh, Mom.
I can't even be mad at you right now.
- Hey, everybody.
The witch is back.
-Friends forever.
-Friends forever.
[cheers and applause.]
- You guys did an amazing job.
But now it's time for the judges' reviews.
Coming up - I thought you were hilarious.
- You look gorgeous.
You're a follicular tour de force.
- What did you call her? [all laugh, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- Welcome, ladies.
I've made some decisions.
Farrah Moan.
Peppermint.
Alexis Michelle.
Ladies, you are safe.
You may leave the stage.
Now it's time for the follica-tease critiques.
First up, Valentina.
- I happen to love this look.
I like the way you've also accessorized it with the gloves, which is a really beautiful touch.
- And as Monna Dartin - [clears throat.]
- I mean, that's my namesake.
I thought you had a lot of great levels and you nailed it.
- One of the great things about Tori was that she always did a lot of physical comedy, and I think that you did the role justice.
You're perfect.
- Thank you so much.
-Sasha Velour.
-Hi.
- You look different from everybody out here.
And you're on-brand and your look always has a point of view.
- It's so on point.
So on point.
Literally.
[all laugh.]
- And your lunch lady.
I just wanted you to go further with it.
You weren't letting go completely.
- There were a few zingers in there that quite didn't land.
- I wish I had just played the comedy a little bit more straightforward.
And maybe it didn't need the Meryl Streep treatment.
- Yeah, well [all laugh.]
-Trinity Taylor.
-You look gorgeous.
You're a follicular tour de force.
- What did you call her? - I gotta jump to Nelly's mom, because that was amazing.
I thought you were hilarious.
Your comedy is impeccable.
- I want an ABC Family sitcom, too! - You were stealing scenes, and it was so right.
Like, I could lick you right now.
- Up next, Nina Bo'nina Brown Carrington Colby.
- I love all this.
The only thing that's become predictable is that legging with a boot and a corset.
So I want to challenge you to think of a different silhouette.
- In 9021-Ho, you weren't really selling the lines.
- I feel like directing-wise, we did work with you the most and we felt nervous.
We felt nervous you were going to be mad at us.
- You know, it was times where I was like, they really aren't buying it.
And then, I started getting into my head, like, I didn't really have fun delivering it.
- Thank you, Nina.
Shake a leg, Shea Coulee.
- So normally when you come out on this runway in a bathing suit and a jacket, I'm going to read you to filth.
But you put so much character in it that I bought it.
I know that girl.
She's a working girl in New York City by the Greyhound terminal.
- In your portrayal as Grandrea, you were so confident.
- Your makeup, your body language, all of it was perfection.
- What a brilliant character.
I loved it.
- Thank you, Tori.
- Up next, Aja.
- Your makeup is blended, and it just looks really, really pretty, and I love this hair on you.
Tonight is quite possibly the best you've ever looked.
- As Ti-- How do you say it? - Bethani.
Just say that which we don't speak of.
- Yes.
We know her as that which we don't speak of.
You didn't feel grounded in that.
- You were playing the bitch.
She's a mean girl, and it felt kind of flat for me.
- Now, Aja, you switched with Shea Coulee.
What frightened you about playing the older role? - To be honest, I just kind offreaked.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
- Thank you, ladies.
While you untuck backstage, the judges and I will deliberate.
All right, now just between us popular kids, what do you think? Valentina.
- I thought she did a really good job just as an actress and embodying that part.
- She was funny, she was stumbling around, getting into her drunk character.
She was in character the whole time until she came off camera to tell us that she used watch 90210 with her babysitter.
Which made us feel real old.
- Sasha Velour.
- Her performance was a little underwhelming for me, like she could have gone so much further with it.
- She could have sassed the character up a little bit more.
- Trinity Taylor.
- She played the hell out of Nelly's mom.
She was fully Jennifer Coolidge and it was so, so good.
- She's the ultimate scene stealer.
- Right down to her messy lipstick, she had the character down.
- Tonight was a really strong night for Trinity.
- Nina Bo'nina Brown Ellis Ross.
- Her acting, for me, was a little bit lost.
- She alluded to there being some friction on the set.
What happened? - She was a little bit defensive.
- That's been an ongoing storyline with her.
- We couldn't tell if she was angry that we were giving her direction.
- Trust me, she was angry.
- Oh, really? See, I told you.
- She's out there keying your car right now.
- Yes, exactly.
Shea Coulee.
- I thought she was fantastic in the acting challenge.
- Shea went for it and then some.
You couldn't help but fall in love with this character.
- But I was so surprised when she walked out and she looked completely different than she did yesterday.
- She slayed the house down.
- Aja.
- The acting gave me Aja-ta.
-Oh, dear.
-I think it's interesting that she threw a fit about playing the mean girl because she wasn't really mean and she wasn't really good.
-She's not even a girl.
-Hello.
She basically handed Shea a moment to shine.
There was one note, one thing, hair flip over and over.
- Hey, a lot of actresses have made a big career on a hair flip and one-note bitch delivery.
- Sure, yeah.
- But she's not gonna be one of them.
- Silence.
I've made my decision.
Bring back my drag-uates.
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- Welcome back, ladies.
I've made some decisions.
Valentina, as Monna Dartin the virgin, you really popped.
Trinity Taylor, as Nelly's mom, you had it going on.
Shea Coulee, making us laugh like you did will never get old.
Trinity Taylor, con-drag-ulations.
You're the winner of this week's challenge.
You've won a $2,000 gift card from Fabric Planet, longtime supporters of the LGBT experience.
- Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I'm back on top, girls, and it feels great.
- Valentina, Shea, you're both safe.
You may join the other girls.
- Aja, your bitch was botched.
Sasha Velour, your lunch lady left us hungry.
- Nina Bo'nina Brown Abdul-Jabbar, your acting was too tame and I ain't lyin'.
Sasha Velour you are safe.
- Thank you so much.
[sighs.]
- Aja, Nina, I'm sorry, my dears, but you are up for elimination.
Two queens stand before me.
Ladies, this is your last chance to impress me and save yourself from elimination.
The time has come [thunder.]
to lip sync [echoing.]
for your life.
Good luck and don't fuck it up.
[music plays.]
- Meeting Mr.
Right, the man of my dreams The one who shows me true love Or at least it seems With brown cocoa skin and curly black hair It's just the way he looks at me That gentle loving stare It seems so many times, you seemed to be the one But all he ever wanted was to have a little fun But now you've come along and brightened up my world In my heart I feel it, I'm that special kind of girl Oh, no, no, finally It has happened to me Right in front of my face And I just cannot hide it Finally Oh, finally Yeah, yeah, oh, oh Finally, finally, finally, finally Finally you've come along The way I feel about you, it just can't be wrong If you only knew the way I feel about you I just can't describe it Oh, no, no, finally It has happened to me right in front of my face My feelings can't describe it Finally it has happened [cheers and applause.]
- Ladies, I've made my decision.
Nina Bo'nina Brown, shantay, you stay.
- Thank you.
- You may join the other girls.
Aja, the way I feel about you, it just can't be wrong.
Love you, girl.
- Thank you so much for everything.
I've learned a lot about myself here, and I really owe it to you guys.
So thank you so much.
- Thank you.
Now sashay away.
[applause.]
- I learned that this show is way harder than you think.
I came here, and I was like I got this.
And then I was like, okay, okay.
I feel extremely disappointed that I couldn't go further.
I might be eliminated, but every dog has its day.
Woof.
- Con-drag-ulations, my queens.
And remember, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here? -Amen! -Amen! - All right, now let the music play.
- Hey, kitty girl It's your world Hey, kitty, kitty girl Whoa-oh-oh