Duck Dynasty (2012) s09e08 Episode Script

1 [Soft rock music.]
- [Willie.]
Here we go, the big reveal.
- [Alan.]
Here we go.
[Kay.]
Your hands are too tight.
- No, they're not.
- They stink! - Walk left.
- They stink like fish.
It's crappie.
What do you think, Kay? It's not finished.
[Scoffs.]
We know it's not finished, Mom.
My mom has always wanted to share her cooking with the world, so when a space opened up next to the Duck Diner, she and Alan decided to open a bakery.
There's no walls, and there's electrical wires everywhere.
[Willie.]
As the business expert of the family, I offered to advise her.
From one CEO to another.
I mean, we got holes in here.
The only problem is, my mom's not much of a CEO type.
You've got to be able to see what's not in here.
Okay.
It's easier to imagine if you're actually looking at it.
You can say, "Oh, I can put this here and that here.
" Shut up, I'm trying to imagine it.
Lucky for her, her favorite son's here to help out, which is me.
Her favorite son.
She might not admit it, but I think that's what she thinks.
In my imagination, I just saw colors and pretty stuff and finished stuff.
- Kay, that's gonna happen.
- You know I'm a finisher.
- I like a finish.
- [Both.]
You're a finisher? I just don't know how I'm gonna bake and fill up this place with my pies.
You're not going to be cooking all the pies.
Other people do the work.
I don't make all the duck calls.
I mean, I guess I can show 'em all my tricks.
Kay, it's not that difficult.
I tried to teach you how to make a pie, and you couldn't do it.
Your big old hands wouldn't even do it.
They tore up the whole crust.
- "Big old hands.
" - You remember that? Well, you did have big hands, and you couldn't make the pie dough.
I mean, just admit it.
- [Willie.]
No.
- Big hands.
Kay, we've got everything lined up.
Well, what about all these holes? - Kay.
- Mom.
[Kay.]
I ain't got time for that.
[Rock music.]
[Quacking.]
[Si.]
Hey, y'all will never believe what I read about.
I read that, hey, this guy trained a monkey, okay? Look, and then the monkey became a award-winning chef.
- [Man.]
What? - He's booked for the next ten years.
Si, that's not real.
This was on the cover of Life magazine.
Oh, get out.
They did a whole article about him.
Showed, you know, his award-winning, you know, cookery that he'd done.
- "Cookery.
" - "Cookery.
" - What does he cook? - Anything to do with bananas.
[Laughing.]
Speaking of all this, hey, I'm getting hungry.
Where we going for lunch? Y'all wanna go to the diner? - No.
- Mexican? To the same old places? Hey, I got a place.
Have you ever had a fried green tomato BLT? Think about it.
Look, Godwin isn't exactly the most discerning individual when it comes to the culinary world.
On a scale from one to ten, where does it rate? Ten! A ten? However, that also means that he's tried just about everything.
I don't know about frying a tomato.
- [Chuckling.]
- [Si.]
You can fry 'em.
[Godwin.]
That's what I said too.
So when it comes to finding new food to try, I trust the man with my lunch hour.
- We gotta go.
- Where is it? In Vicksburg.
- Mississippi? - Yeah.
I mean, that's quite a lunch break, don't you think? Lt'll take us an hour and a half to get there.
I'm in.
Except don't cook 'em.
- [Godwin.]
Don't cook 'em? - It's a vegetable, okay? Don't cook 'em? - It's a fruit.
- No, it ain't a fruit.
- It's a fruit.
- Tomato is not a fruit.
- It's a fruit.
- I've ate 'em all my life.
Si, just because you've eaten 'em, that doesn't mean That don't make it a vegetable.
Oh, yeah, it does.
Hey, a peach is a fruit.
A apple is a fruit.
A tomato, that's debatable.
Hey, what's inside a peach and an apple? - A seed.
- What's inside a tomato? It's a vegetable.
Oh, he got ya on that, he got ya.
- [Laughing.]
- Admit it.
- How do you mean he got me? - Admit it.
Just because it's got a seed in it? - The definition of a fruit.
- No.
Well, grapes have got seeds in 'em.
And it's a - It's a grape.
- It's a grape.
I'm going with Martin on this one.
What do you mean you're going with Martin? He's smarter than you.
- It's not a fruit! - Oh, here we go.
Just because it's got a seed, you call it a fruit? It's kind of the definition of it.
- That changes everything.
- [Door opens.]
Who put this on my desk? Oh, boy.
You found that? [Si.]
What's wrong with the girl's leg? Question for ya.
- Tomato, fruit or vegetable? - All right.
It's a vegetable.
- It's a fruit.
- It's a vegetable! All right, look, I got a specialty order I need done today.
Look, if a tomato is a fruit, then a banana is a vegetable.
It is a fruit.
- But work.
- Work what? You can work and talk at the same time.
- No.
- Work.
- [Si.]
What'd he say? - [Godwin.]
I don't know.
- My belly's growlin', let's go.
- I'm starvin'.
- Let's go.
- Let's get ourselves together.
[Martin.]
What are we gonna do about that order, man? - [Jase.]
Do it on the way.
- [Si.]
It's a vegetable.
[Folk music.]
[Alan.]
So here we go.
The blueprints, what do you think, Mom? I don't like it.
It's got "Miss Kay's Bakery".
Bakery's just kinda boring.
I thought she wanted it called what did you say? "Sweets and Eats", like you can see little can-can girls.
Sweets and eats, Miss Kay's got it Sweets and eats And I'll think of some more words later.
- That's catchy.
- Let's put that on the back burner.
I love the name "Sweets and Eats", see? Sweets and eats How do you think Willie got so fat? Sweets and eats How about that? - Hey.
- Hi.
Hey, guys.
Now that the plans for the bakery are starting to come together, we decided to get some help.
What's up, Luigi? So we brought on my daughter Alex to be the head chef, and her husband Vinnie to run the place.
Now like we talked about, Mom, Vinnie's gonna be the general manager, Alex is gonna be making your desserts.
[Alan.]
Which I'm feeling really good about.
Just look at the power 'stache that Vinnie is sporting.
That's got upper management written all over it.
He has a really cool mustache.
I thought I was gonna make the pies.
Kay, you don't have time to make all the pies.
Remember that time I made 15 pies? We're gonna be selling hundreds of pies.
Mama Kay, we got this.
Well, I don't have a Harvard degree from cooking school, but I have a heart.
Just think about it, Mom.
Your cooking DNA flowed through me into Alex, your granddaughter, think about that.
I love y'all, but you know that when I'm the boss - Mm-hmm.
- Okay, well It's my way or the highway.
- [Vinnie.]
Deal.
- [Alex.]
You're the boss.
But I'm a sweet boss, always sweet.
I'm sweet like my sweets.
That could be in the jingle too.
Sweets and eats sweets and eats [Alan.]
Willie's so fat [Kay.]
Willie's so fat [folk music.]
[Alan.]
Mom, I know you got some reservations.
So we set up a little test here today for them to be able to cook your recipes.
So you're gonna pick something, they're gonna cook it.
- This is my treasure.
- [Alex.]
I got it.
- Mm-hmm.
- [Kay.]
Remember that.
So pick out a recipe.
I can't even see that.
Alex, you can tell what this is, right? Well, I tried to color-code it, kind of.
I'll die with this one.
Let's try something we can read.
What about that? You just passed that right there.
Oh, you can read that, can't you? Good old coconut pie? - Coconut pie.
- Can you read that? Do you have anything like, typed? Trust me, I've looked in the box.
Everything here was the last millennium.
Okay.
"Two cups of sweetness".
Sugar, sugar.
Okay, we can work with it.
I try to be poetic in my recipes.
I always knew that one day I'd have to hand over my recipes to the next generation.
You have "two chunks of butter.
" A chunk is like, chunk, chunk.
You know, something like that.
I guess I just thought I'd be a lot older when it happened though.
Uniformity in a recipe is really what you're normally looking for.
Why do you keep using those big words? "Uniformity"? I mean, I'm only 67.
65 if anyone asks.
They can do this.
You just gotta sit back, relax, let them do what they're trained to do.
- But, Al, it's my recipes.
- I know it's your recipes.
I don't know that, no offense, 'cause I love you so much.
I'm just afraid you can't do it.
We'll show you how we can do it.
Passing the torch.
There's not a real torch here.
Pass the pie, Kay.
[Alan.]
Passing the pies, excellent, Vinnie.
- See, he's a businessman.
- [Vinnie.]
Thank you.
- See how he did that? - Now, he's good with words.
- And with business.
- And with pies.
[Alan.]
And he's got a great mustache.
[Kay.]
Al, I don't really know what the mustache has to do with it, but it's really nice.
Bah-bah! Oh, yeah.
[Horn honking.]
[Duck whistle.]
Oh, that one's sweet as your mama's love.
That baby there is worth 25 bucks.
Where is this place? You go down here, you know that pothole that dried up? You go past it, and then that forkin' tree that the lightning struck about seven years ago, with the dog pen under it.
- Remember? - No.
There was a tower there at one time.
- A tire? - No, one of them towers.
- A tower? - You got two towers and a dip.
You don't remember any kind of street names, or - It's by that barn.
- Barn? Now them's some directions there.
Well, you don't turn there, you keep going past it.
- [Si.]
Pull over.
- [Martin.]
Uh-oh.
'Cause I gotta take a leak.
Si, this is not a safe area.
What are you gonna do if you run into a bear? What do you think you're supposed to do, Si, while I'm looking this up? [Si.]
Pull your gun out and shoot him.
"Do not run.
You can't outrun a bear.
Don't even try it.
" I don't have to outrun the bear.
All I gotta do is outrun Godwin.
[Si.]
You think a little old bear is gonna stop me from taking a leak? I don't think so.
"Talk calmly so it knows you're a human.
" - Hello, bear.
- "Climb a tree if available.
" You're making that up.
Everybody knows when you encounter a bear, all you gotta do is run up and go [screams.]
And, hey, he runs away, it's simple.
"Use your pepper spray.
Make sure you spray this downwind.
" Or poop in your pants.
Look, there ain't an animal in the whole animal kingdom that will eat something with poop all over it.
Trust me, I know firsthand.
Are you sure this is where you need to take a leak? Huh? I'm just sayin', there's a "bear crossing" sign right there, Si.
I changed my mind.
I'll wait till I get to civilization.
Get me to the bridge, and I'll pee off the Mississippi River bridge.
[Godwin.]
Hey, I'd like to do that.
[Soft rock music.]
[Alan.]
All right, Kay, moment of truth.
- You ready? - [Alan.]
Smell that? - Wafting, wafting, wafting.
- It smells good.
Mine are usually bigger.
[Alan.]
Let's at least try some.
Look how she got the little toasted in there.
It definitely has the colors that are correct.
And I want that little piece of crust there.
I mean, I'm not being particular but I have to get a bite of everything.
All right.
The moment of truth.
- [Vinnie.]
Here we go.
- Okay.
You have to close your eyes before you do it? Well, I'm imagining.
- That's a good coconut pie.
- Oh, my goodness.
Mom.
I mean, that's like right there.
The type of person you are really shows up in your cooking.
Like, if Alan made a pie, it would taste like pushy opinions.
It's fluffy.
It's got the nice peaks.
Not as smooth.
- See, mine looks like silk.
- That is perfectly smooth.
When you eat my pies, it makes you feel warm, happy, and comforted.
That's more like satin, you think, - instead of silk? - Styrofoam.
- Styrofoam? - Styrofoam? Alex, on the other hand, too perfect.
It's like a machine made it.
- My flavor's like - And what is this flavor like? It's like younger.
But machines don't make love.
Except for WALL-E.
I love that movie.
You can't get that full buttery taste without a big chunk of butter.
We used a whole chunk of butter.
Okay, so maybe an extra dollop next time.
This is the type of pie that's really scalable.
We could make a hundred of these in at least an hour.
Are you crazy? That's what we're gonna be doing.
We're gonna be mass-producing these and making a lot of money.
[Kay.]
You can't mass-produce love.
[Alan.]
But you can mass-produce pies.
[Rock music.]
[Godwin.]
Tomatoes.
Jars.
Stuff.
[Jase.]
Well, this is good.
These are excellent tomatoes.
And how about this ambiance? Do you know what "ambiance" is? No.
Good idea, Godwin.
Even though you lost me when you didn't eat anything with tomatoes in it.
'Cause I got a good chili dog.
[Laughing.]
Need some more hot dogs.
Hey, fellas, how y'all doing this evening? Doing good, brother.
We got a contest going here.
- Contest? - With ten hot dogs, two minutes [laughing.]
you get a shirt.
Two minutes is not long.
You sure you can do this? Chili dogs, baby.
Godwin is a real wild card.
Somehow he got us to the tomato place without any directions.
Throw that hat in, I'll try it.
I can do that.
And after raving over their fried tomatoes, he's opting for chili dogs.
A shirt and a hat, how 'bout that? - Bring on the dogs.
- I'm a go get you some dogs.
You would think that engaging in a hot dog eating contest right after you've already eaten a couple chili dogs for lunch would be a bad idea.
But this is Godwin we're talking about, after all.
Godwin, there ain't no way.
- Here they come.
- Ain't no way.
Ten hot dogs.
Two minutes.
I'm ready.
[Bell dings.]
- Go.
- Go.
A record, glory, T-shirt, hat.
You got a minute and a quarter left.
He's halfway home, boys.
- [Jase.]
Let's go, Godwin.
- [Si.]
Come on, buddy! He's slowing down, guys.
Forty-five seconds.
- [Jase.]
He's not gonna make it.
- [Martin.]
Uh-oh.
[Jase.]
He's beginning to sweat, more than normal.
[Si.]
He's fixing to blow, boys! [Martin.]
This makes me want to vomit.
[All.]
Three, two, one.
[Jase.]
Swallow it, Godwin, do it.
[Gulps.]
Oh, he did it! - [Si.]
Unbelievable.
- [Godwin belching.]
I need a bucket.
How you feeling now? Starting to swell a little bit.
Hey, where's my shirt? [Blowing nose.]
Oh, I found your shirt.
- Yeah.
- I thought this was a rag.
- Crap! - Hey, you want this shirt? - No.
- It's your shirt, here! You might want to wash that when you get home.
I've lost every stinkin' shirt I've got from that place.
It could've been worse.
Could've had some boogers in it.
[Godwin.]
But it does have boogers.
[Slow rock music.]
- [Si.]
I'm hungry.
- [Jase.]
Eat a tomato.
You gonna eat that thing like a apple? Right off the vine.
- Uh-oh.
- What? - Your phone's ringing.
- [Phone vibrating.]
Yeah, we're almost there.
I'm fixing to pull in the parking lot.
We've got tons of orders.
Oh, he's outside, bro.
This is kinda weird that I'm talking to you while I'm looking at you.
What's up? - [Si.]
I missed.
- He hung up on me.
[Si.]
He was dodging a tomato.
What seems to be the problem? - Where've y'all been? - On lunch break.
You get a one-hour lunch break.
We've been in Vicksburg.
- Vicksburg? - Mississippi.
About five minutes ago, I realized that it had been a while since I had seen or heard any of the guys around the warehouse.
Even Si wasn't in the bathroom like he normally is.
So you drove an hour and a half there, and an hour and a half back.
It was more like two hours.
Was I surprised they went to Vicksburg for lunch? Not really.
Am I mad they did? Yes.
Y'all can be there on Saturday when you're not at work.
- We saved up our minutes.
- It's called rollover minutes.
[Willie.]
But not as mad as I was to find out they didn't bring me anything back.
Word to the wise.
Bring leftovers back for your boss if you take a long lunch break.
That's just Business 101.
Did y'all forget about the order that I told you? [Jase and Si.]
No, we got the order done.
Well, while you were gone we got about eight more orders.
We'll do 'em tomorrow.
If you're gonna take five-hour lunch breaks, then you gotta stay five hours extra.
But that time was owed us.
Yeah, it's called rollover minutes.
Godwin, what are you doing with a stupid hat on? I won it eating chili dogs.
I don't know if that's the look you need.
Have a tomato, they're fresh.
No, y'all gonna get these orders done tonight.
You're gonna pay us overtime.
- I ain't payin' you crap.
- [Si.]
You're buying us supper.
If I'm working overtime, you're buying supper.
[Willie.]
Y'all can eat them tomatoes for supper.
You're a terrible boss.
- Uh-oh! - [Martin.]
Uh-oh, roll it up.
Roll it up! Crap, that got me.
Good grief, the boy like to busted a window.
Hey.
[Laughing.]
[Si.]
You locked out again, dummy? [All laughing.]
[Folk music.]
[Kay.]
Sweets and eats, sweets and eats I think my song's gonna be a hit.
Yeah, I can see it on iTunes.
- What is that? - Mom.
Here we go, y'all ready for some fried pies? A-ha! Since Alex's coconut pie was not enough to convince her of her cooking skills, we're hoping to change Mom's mind by upping the ante with her most difficult recipe, the fried pie.
Smells pretty good.
Oh, yeah.
If Mom doesn't like this, I'm just giving up and starting my own bakery.
"Al's" really more of a deli name though.
You buy a pie from Miss Kay, you don't buy a pie from Miss Al.
Give 'em a try.
Corned beef from Al Cherry pie from Al? You first.
The moment of truth.
Mmm.
Mom, that's fantastic.
Mmm.
You nailed it.
- Thank you.
- Not bad.
Come on.
I didn't even get any fruit on the first bite.
- Eat it in the middle.
- My mouth's not as big as yours.
It's not that Alex's pie is bad.
I just feel like it's missing something.
I don't know, Alan.
I usually bake the most love into my fried pie.
Mom, they're delicious.
But, Alan, you'll eat anything.
[Alan.]
That's not true.
It's just like I'm still not tasting the love.
Oh, man, am I glad you're here.
Perfect timing, Dad.
I thought I smelled fried pies all the way from the bayou down there.
Yeah, we want you to try one of these, Dad.
Don't mind if I do.
We want your honest opinion.
- My honest opinion? - Yep.
Let me see what y'all got here.
Flaky, flaky.
So what'd you do differently here? You don't really like it, do you? Like it? I love it, honey.
- The crust is flakier.
- Really? - Yep.
- Miss Kay, I notice something.
Your cooking gets better with age.
- Tell Dad who made the pies.
- Alex made the pies.
Right here.
- Well, honey.
- Bring it in.
Think people would buy that, Dad? They will come from miles around to get to that.
So, Mom, Dad obviously loves it.
Are we gonna do this? I'll admit it when I'm wrong.
You can preserve my recipes.
We'll do our best.
Mom, show Dad your jingle.
Sweets and eats, sweets and eats Dun-dun-duh-duh-duh, Sweets and eats Miss Kay's What do you think? I like that tune.
It makes you want to move, doesn't it? - [Phil.]
Bingo.
- [Alex.]
And Bobo likes it too.
[Alan.]
He also licks his own butt.
All right, y'all bow.
Father, we thank you for another day here on planet earth.
I pray, Father, you bless Vinnie and Alex, along with Miss Kay, their restaurant business.
Thank you, Father, for the wonderful gift.
Through Jesus, I pray, Amen.
- [All.]
Amen! - [All chatter.]
[Willie.]
We've all had to take risks at some point in our lives.
Sometimes they pan out, like Miss Kay sharing her treasured family recipes.
And other times, they were really dumb ideas to begin with, and inevitably fail.
Like four of my bone-headed employees taking a five-hour lunch break in Mississippi.
But even with the potential for failure, you can't let that stop you from taking a chance.
Sweets and eats, sweets and eats Willie's so cool Willie's so cool