Waterloo Road (2006) s09e08 Episode Script

- Have you sent your headship application? - I'm not applying.
- What?! - I'm not going to undermine Christine.
This is madness.
This is a brilliant opportunity.
- How's his Mandarin? - Not so great.
I'm Eve.
Ms Boston's daughter.
- Argh! - Oh, no! - My neck hurts.
- I had something to deal with.
- Eve.
- What are you thinking? A Second World War project.
I think a simple apology would do it.
I'll tell Sue to expect your apology.
MUSIC: "The Great Escape" theme by Elmer Bernstein George? Permission to come aboard? Very Officer and a Gentleman.
Mm? Yes, well, they played a very large part in the Second World War, the Royal Navy.
Yeah, it's great, it's what Living History Week's - all about.
- You asked us to make a special effort for Councillor Bain's visit, soI did.
You see? I do care.
It's just a shame the feeling isn't mutual.
George.
This is serious.
I need to show Robert Bain I can run things better than you-know-who.
Better avoid my Mandarin classes, then.
Don't joke.
He's very keen to see your proposal for rolling out the programme, so make sure you don't let me down again.
It's all right, I'm onto it.
I love to see a woman in uniform.
Or preferably Out of it? Very predictable.
Wish me luck.
This is D-Day in more ways than one.
AIR RAID SIREN WAILS Thought the magazines at my dentist were out of date.
Actually this has given me an idea on how we can make today even more realistic.
Live ammunition? Morning, Simon.
Chocks away! SHE CHUCKLES Christine, you could have given me a bit more notice about Robert Bain's visit this afternoon.
Well, it's nothing to stress over.
Just a flying visit - pardon the pun.
Morning! I thought all staff were meant to be in costume? Oh, I knew I'd forgot something.
Go see Audrey, she's raided the local am-dram store cupboard.
Look, I only finalised Robert's visit last night.
Things have been going so well, I thought, "Why not showcase the school?" Couldn't he have come on a regular day? Give him a truer picture? It is a true picture.
We're an innovative school.
Are we? You have to admit Living History Week has been a big success? Sure.
Maybe I'm just not comfortable jumping on Audrey's bandwagon, in order to impress the council? We can't all marry the Director of Education's daughter.
Simon, honestly, it's not bandwagon-jumping.
Audrey may have come up with the idea, but it was my call to expand it over the entire week and involve the outside community.
Fine.
Never let it be said I'm not a team player.
Let's hope he gets shot down by the Luftwaffe.
- I wish you'd stop winding him up.
- Sorry.
But if you want this thing to run smoothly, you really want to pull Audrey back from the front line.
The old girl's lost it, with this Living History thing.
I doubt we'll ever get her back to the present! And I think you've also gone out on a limb, inviting the beady eye of the council round to our little empire.
Like I say, it's my chance to shine.
And if that great cynic George Windsor is joining in, - we'll be fine.
- Mmm.
Let's hope so.
Ahem.
Up you get.
Are you supposed to be have been injured in the war, Miss? No, this is not part of my costume.
Maybe she had a head transplant? - Nice one, Lise.
- Very funny.
Why haven't you two dressed up? Aw, left mine in my locker.
Why are you talking to her? Cos I'm sick of it just being us all the time.
Joking! What are they? What do they look like, moron? Crisps! We're not allowed modern stuff! It's still World War II.
Who are you, the Rules Nazi? Gosh, you look very dashing, Captain Lowsley.
- Do you like my costume? - Yeah, yeah, it's lovely.
Did you know your dad was coming today? Not until last night.
It's not a problem, is it? The only problem is that Christine never bothered to mention it.
- Zero consultation.
Typical.
- Sorry, I would have called but I was looking at wedding bouquets till after midnight.
I've found - something you are really going to - Why is he coming anyway? Oh, well, I suppose Christine wanted him to see History Week in action.
She'll use it to her advantage, you know what she's like.
Don't worry, Dad will see right through her.
- PHONE RINGS - Sorry, Twinks, that'll be the florist.
Hi, Valerie.
Thanks for ringing.
No, hang on, I need to ask Simon if he's happy with delphiniums Look, war is about winners and losers, - and we're going to be winners.
- How come? Everyone's hacked off with stupid war rations.
By break time, we'll be getting a couple of quid a bag.
What's in it for me? Well, a little extra pocket money.
Do they still call it that? OK.
I'll think it over.
Well, don't take too long.
I have other options.
- Like what? - OK, how much are we talking? Well, I'm open to negotiation.
It's £35 for half an hour, and £70 for a full.
HE SIGHS - BELL RINGS - OK.
- Great, I'll see you in class, Sir.
Good.
I thought Ms McFall said no make-up today? What, no slap for the Queen of Slap? You calling me a slapper? Watch what you say about me sister, Kev.
No.
I just meant you, you know, you always wear make-up.
- Yes, well, not today.
- It's all right for you, Miss.
No-one cares what old people look like.
Don't worry about her, miss, you know what she's like.
- I think you look great.
- There you go.
- Mmm, tasty.
- Enjoy.
Oh, the Germans wouldn't eat this muck.
They would be eating them massive sausages.
Mm, and Black Forest gateau.
Will you two shut up about food? Don't you have any willpower? We wouldn't have won the war with losers like you.
- SHE SIGHS - That was a bit harsh.
- Are you not eating anything? - Nah.
I'm not hungry.
Do I look stupid dressed like this? No.
You'd look stupid if you hadn't bothered.
Look at Ms McFall.
Now, SHE'S gone overboard.
Everyone, I have some terrible news.
HMS Victoria, which was crossing the Atlantic with our food supplies, has been torpedoed and sunk by a German U-boat She has completely lost the plot.
.
.
which means there will be no lunch and no tea today.
PUPILS: Aww.
Hey, it's a shame about that ship.
There is no ship.
It's just her.
- She's mental.
- I'm sorry, but Living History means exploring genuine Second World War conditions.
What? Starving to death? We're Hank Marvin, miss.
Which is why WE are going to do what people did during the war years.
- Order in a pizza? - No.
We are going to forage.
Different groups will explore different environments.
One group might go to the seashore and look for cockles LAUGHTER Cockles? Cockles are shellfish.
LAUGHTER Others might go to the fields for berries or into the woods, to look for mushrooms.
But - please, please, please - no-one may pick or taste anything without a teacher's approval.
Is that understood? Epic.
Huh? I'm going to make sure we join the woodland posse.
Mrs Budgen will rustle up what we have provided into a delicious meal.
(That's right, dump it all on Maggie.
) She can't stop us from having breakfast.
Please, Miss, may I have some more? Don't worry, Miss, me and Imogen won't be cheating.
We'll do this thing properly.
- Well done.
- I didn't know you were so into this.
- SHE SIGHS - I'm not.
I just want to look good for the gym display later.
OK, everybody, back to your classes.
I like your dress, where did you get it from? Me and Dynasty went shopping last night.
Where's yours from? I had to raid Maggie's wardrobe.
Yours is well better.
War is people living right on the edge.
Young people like you.
That's why their poems are so amazing.
And truthful.
And heartbreaking.
I like your new look.
Showing your manky face to the world isn't a look.
You don't have a manky face.
You look better without make-up Even better.
I don't care what you think, Kevin.
In fact, I don't think anyone does.
BELL RINGS If you want to hear more war poems, I'll be reading some during break-time.
- Hold me back, someone(!) - Sounds good, Sir.
Look, if you want her back, you're going to have to do something about it.
Thank you for the sarcastic intervention earlier.
- You're very welcome.
- You and Christine are friends, I get that.
But could you at least try - to see things from a professional perspective? - What, like your fiancee? Very professional - tripping over her own feet and then trying to blame the school.
She could have broken her neck.
And we both know who's fault that would have been.
- Problem? - Not for me, but I think Christine might need to watch her back today.
You'll be there to watch it for her, of course? Yes, never the most flattering of garments, were they? Boiler suits.
- Two quid.
- What? £2? Get your crisps, Connor! He won't want our junk food, Daz.
He's a famous chef.
Oh sorry, I mean kitchen skivvy.
Drop dead, Barry.
- You take over.
- Where you going? Black market goods? How very authentic.
- Thanks, Miss.
- To me.
Off you go.
Crisps? I thought they were banned? They are.
Why don't I look after them for you? - Make sure no-one eats them.
- Thank you, Sonya.
What gives him the right to criticise me? Nothing.
He's completely out of order.
He should try having a wedding-dress fitting wearing one of these! Christine should never have made him co-deputy.
The man is completely unprofessional.
We need to make a list.
With all Christine's mistakes.
Nah, let's just keep our powder dry, shall we? Hopefully, I'll get the headship without any need for unpleasantness.
Fine, if that's the way you want to play it, Twinkle.
I hear Daddy's coming in.
Aren't you two a bit old for parents' day visits? Well, you know what they say about parents' day - it's only the naughty kids that need to worry.
- Do you want a crisp? - No, thank you.
GOAT BLEATS Why do we have a goat, Miss? Oh, goats like Wally would have been VERY useful during the war, because they provide both milk and meat.
Meat? - I hope that thing can be trusted.
- Oh, yes, Wally's very tame.
I borrowed her from a farmer friend of mine.
Is Wally not a boy's name? - She's named after Wallis Simpson.
- Who's he? She.
You'll be learning all about her in class very soon.
Audrey, what are you doing? Carrots from the local market.
You're planting fully-grown carrots? Miss, that's cheating.
Well yes, I know.
I'm sorry, but I wanted you to see some reward for all your hard work.
And I hear there's a visiting dignitary, so we want the allotment to look its best.
I suppose we could turn a blind eye for once.
And we could sow some more real seeds, as well.
I can't believe you're getting into this gardening thing.
I know.
Me, neither.
- Why aren't you in costume, girls? - Mine's in my locker, Miss.
Have a look in that chest, you can borrow something.
Rank! There's no way I'm wearing some old charity uniform.
Well, I'llgive it a go.
That's been the beauty of this week, hasn't it? It's not just for the academic kids.
I wish I'd lived in them days, Miss.
No fizzy drinks, no sweets And no crisps.
Music to my ears.
"We see him almost with content, "abased and seeming to have paid and mocked at by his own equipment.
" Anyone who can get that lot to sit and listen to poetry in their break has got to have the gift.
They're very responsive kids.
Are you two at loggerheads? No, not at all.
I just hope he's going to pull out all the stops today for this visit.
I'm sure he will.
"For here the lover and killer are mingled, "who had one body and one heart.
"And death who had the soldier singled "has done the lover mortal hurt.
" Keith Douglas.
If you want to read more of his work, I'm afraid you can't, because he was killed in action on June 9th, 1944.
He was 24 years old when he died.
Life can be a lot shorter than we expect.
Let's leave it there for now.
Makes you think.
All that stuff about life being short.
Do you think I'm being too hard on Kevin? No.
He dumped you.
But I wish you could still be mates.
Hey, I got nabbed by mad McFall.
She started going on about the black market or something.
She's well racist.
Anyway, she confiscated the crisps.
So you can owe me.
What? It wasn't my fault, she took them! Shut up.
Check this out.
What is it? Magic mushrooms.
We're going to pick some in the woods.
Isn't that illegal? Well cute dresses they wore in them days.
Ms McFall says the average waist size during the war were like 21 inches.
Yeah, but that's cos food was rationed.
- Who'd want to go through that? - No thanks.
Er, we won the war, actually, so it didn't do them any harm.
I'm going to need your help, mate.
- Operation Dynasty.
- What are you on about? It's a secret mission.
WARTIME MUSIC PLAYS Quickly now! You're going on the trip? Yeah.
It'll be fun.
I'm amazed you can tear yourself away from your precious kitchen.
Well, at least if I'm there, I can make sure we bring back stuff Mrs Budgen can actually use.
Right.
Are you sure you can manage without me until lunchtime? I managed on my own for long enough.
Yes, but then you had Mr It's OK, you can say his name, you know.
You had Mr Budgen.
And he was as much use to me in the kitchen as a chocolate saucepan.
Go on, have fun! All right! Seashore, line up in front of me here! Hedgerows here, Woodlands with Mr Lowsley.
Line up behind, please.
GREAT ESCAPE THEME All those of who haven't dressed up can come get something from me now.
Can I remind you that you'll be representing the school, so please conduct yourselves properly.
That means staying with your group leaders and following their instruction, to the letter.
Jawhol, mein Kommandant! LAUGHTER Enjoy yourselves.
And successful foraging.
Please don't undermine me in front of the pupils.
SEAGULLS CAW Hey! Foraging, not mucking around.
Eugh, that's gross! There's no way that's edible.
- SHE GASPS - Get it away from me! Miss, is this a mussel or a cockle? Neither.
It's a limpet.
They're really hard to get off the rocks.
They're stuck on like - like - Limpets? Yeah! I don't know how we'll cook these, though.
That's a challenge for Mrs Budgen.
Hey.
Isn't this a good chance to call Eve? You just don't give up, do you? No.
I'm like one of these limpet things.
I'm sorry, Kacey, but can we just drop it, please? - Miss, I found something disgusting! - What you got? A crab? Not exactly.
It's a tampon.
Oh, nice(!) HE INHALES AND EXHALES Nature! You know what, you lot are really privileged to be out here.
- So make the most of it! - Oh, we will, sir.
OK, guys, stay close and remember to check with me before you pick anything.
OK.
I think I'm ready.
Do you know what you're doing? I have my orders.
I found this in Miss McFall's fancy dress box.
- What do you think? - Dashing.
- OK.
- Calm.
What happened to Kevin and Connor? "Jamie Oliver" said something about wild garlic.
Uh-uh-uh-uh! No eating those berries, until they have been cleaned and checked please! It's just a berry, Rhiannon.
Not even one calorie.
Nah, it looks sour.
And so do you, actually.
You missing Kevin? No, she's not.
Hey! (Come here!) (Yeah.
) MUSIC: "White Winter Hymnal" by Fleet Foxes - Agh! - This way.
HE GIGGLES GLEEFULLY How do we know they're not poisonous? Shrooms are good for you.
Them little fellas in the Amazon pop them all the time! Oh, yeah, I've seen them on telly.
They go out hunting sloths, don't they? It's OK, I won't let them get you.
HE PRETENDS TO LAUGH - You first.
- No, you.
Go on.
I'll eat mine later.
Aw, is little Dawwen scared? You chicken.
BIRDS SINGING I don't feel any different.
You've just ate them, you muppet! You need to wait a while.
Don't worry, it'll kick in soon enough.
- MR LOWSLEY: - Guys! Hello? Barry? Darren, where are you? "Moonlight Serenade" by Glenn Miller plays It's a good job I never wore any mascara.
OK, everyone, I think it's time we were heading back! Er, there are a couple of people missing.
Who? Kevin and Connor and Dynasty? OK.
Follow me and stick together please! DUBSTEP MUSIC - Hold on! - What? We don't want Lowsley nosing around our stash.
He'll probably want some for himself.
Grab those nettles and put them on top.
Ow! They sting! That's the whole point, you loser! Come on.
- Ah! - More that.
We haven't got all day.
Why did we ever break up? Cos you finished with me.
You're supposed to make the person you're with feel special.
You made me feel like I wasn't good enough.
That was a mistake.
A big mistake.
I'll never do anything like that to hurt you again.
Mr Lowsley.
He read us a poem.
It made me think about me and you.
What did you decide? That it was worth us giving it one last go.
If you care about me, Kevin, I mean, really care about me! I do.
I really do.
I love you.
Not much evidence of foraging here.
It's dead romantic.
Well, I suppose love affairs did spring up during the war.
You don't get back with someone just cos they planned a picnic.
Come on.
How many guys would do that for a girl? Can we not just be happy for them? - I suppose it is a pretty good picnic.
- Hmm.
Oh, all right.
One slice each and then we head home.
And if anyone asks, this never happened.
"Moonlight Serendade" plays out DUBSTEP MUSIC Where the heck have you been? - We've been busy.
- Yeah, that's unlikely.
What have you got? Let me see All right, captain, but it might explode.
Are you all right, Darren? It's being out in nature, sir, he's not used to it.
- There's nothing in there, sir.
- Ow! Nettles! You might have said.
Tell you what, we can use those to make soup! I call that a good day's work, don't you? Come on, let's join the group! DARREN GIGGLES Hey.
Why are them trees following us? Keep up! (Hey.
McFall.
) - What's she doing? - She's checking for black market goods.
This is your fault for getting caught.
We can't let her confiscate our stash! - (Maybe we should eat them all now, eh?) - What?! Don't be dumb.
We need to find a hiding place.
Agh.
GOAT BLEATS (That goat) (He's watching us.
) It might bea spy.
Don't worry.
I'm on it.
Nice spy.
Nice spy goat.
Clear off, be gone! And quit snooping on people! (Hey, I found somewhere!) Oi! How many of them have you had? Not many.
BELL RINGS Oh.
How was your "waste of time" walk in the wilderness? Actually, it was great.
- Really? - Yeah.
Maybe Christine does know what she's doing.
I've just come back from the woods with Barry Barry, of all people, and he's been collecting nettles to make soup.
Unbelievable.
Well, that's not down to her, that's because the kids respect you.
Great.
Never known Windsor to work on his lunch break.
No, me neither.
I think I left my purse, I'll catch you up.
Even blooming' Heston what's-his-face couldn't do anything with this lot.
The kids are going to be starving by the time I get lunch ready.
And that Mr Bain is going to be tipping up any minute expecting his lunch! OK, how about a seafood and nettle curry? Withseaweed bhajis? OK.
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing this? Catering, I mean? No, I don't.
Is this cos of what your mum said? Yeah.
That and wondering how I'm going to feel when everyone else goes off to university and I'm stuck Chopping carrots? You won't be.
Graduates are ten a penny these days.
A smart lad who can run a kitchen? Gold dust! VOICE ON TAPE SPEAKS MANDARIN HE REPEATS IT VOICE ON TAPE SPEAKS MANDARIN - Di yu sa ma - No.
No.
It's not "yu" in the second tone, it "yu" in the third tone.
I can't believe I'm paying you so I can ask whether or not I need an umbrella.
Actually you're asking if you need a fish.
It's just vocabulary, sir.
No-one's going to believe you're fluent in Mandarin, if you can't pronounce it properly.
Yes, yes, yesOK, let's get on.
OK, so now you're going to ask for a taxi.
I'm sorry, but we've had some issues with black market goods.
- Robert.
Glad you could make it.
- Christine.
Happy to oblige.
This is very impressive.
You joining in, I mean - the costume.
Yes, well, I thought if I make a fool of myself, - then everyone else will have to.
- I feel like I'm letting the side down.
Not at all.
Not at all.
Was there a problem, Ms McFall? No, just a full-body search to make sure I wasn't bringing in contraband.
- He's clean.
- Good.
Good.
Let's start with our thrift store - Waterloo Junktion.
GOAT BLEATS OK.
Welcome to 1944.
On the home front, where our civilians fight just as hard as the army.
Only here, the fight is against waste.
DUBSTEP MUSIC Uh, maybe we should move on, there's a lot to cram in today.
Oh, Miss, I haven't finished yet.
THEY LAUGH Some commodities were in short supply, such as blankets, bottles, drinking glasses, bed sheets and towels.
MR BAIN: Oh! Agh.
I could do with a towel myself at the moment.
- Dad? - Is that lad all right? Yeah, yeah, he's fine.
I'll take Dad - Mr Bain - and get him cleaned up.
Thank you, Miss Spark.
I'll see you in the staff room in two minutes, once I've attended to Darren.
Darren? Were you and Barry in Mr Lowsley's group? HE VOMITS Have you finished? I don't kno VOMITING Doesn't Christine look fetching in that uniform? Do you think so? I thought she looked rather dowdy, all that khaki.
She certainly seems to be on the ball.
Tell you what, Dad, how about I take you up to modern languages, show you the Mandarin initiative in action? Shouldn't we wait for Christine? No, we'll only be a few minutes.
UNDER HIS BREATH: God's sake - Darren and Barry? - Both high as kites! - But I don't understand.
They were with me, picking nettles.
- For the whole time? - They might have wandered off for a couple of minutes - A couple of minutes(!) Ten at most.
They were fine when I left them.
Well, they're not fine now.
Far from it.
I've put them in the nurse's room.
Can you go there and find out how they got in such a state? I am in the middle of showing round your future father-in-law.
Funny how this happens today of all days Ah, right, so I engineered the whole thing? - To make you look bad? - No, of course not.
Just go and sort this out.
Thank you! This is Mr Windsor, our Mandarin expert.
Huang ying guang lin Waterloo Road.
I'm not going to pretend I understood a word.
Except for the bit about Waterloo Road.
Oh, that's a shame, Archie Wong seems to have vanished.
- He's one of Mr Windsor's star pupils.
- Ah.
Very smart.
An Officer and a Gentleman.
I like to think so.
"Love lifts us up where we belong.
" HE CHUCKLES - Pardon? - From the movie.
- It's one of Sue's favourites.
- Dad! I'm afraid I've never seen it.
So, where would you like to start? Well, how about how many A grades you're predicting? Well, we aremaking solid progress.
If you ever need to ask for an umbrella in Mandarin, Dad, Mr Windsor is your man.
What's it like having a new daughter? Look, I know it's not easy, getting an instant family.
Look at me and Grantly.
You two were naturals.
What, me and Grantly? Are you having a laugh? There is no such thing as a natural and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
It takes time.
Ah, thought I'd lost you.
You don't get rid of me that easy.
I thought Dad would like to see exactly what's going on up here.
That's very kind of you, Miss Spark.
This is Archie Wong, one of our star pupils.
He's taking a few snaps of the week's events for our website.
Yes, I've been hearing a lot about you.
I have to say the Mandarin programme here sounds very promising.
It does? We've put you under a lot of pressure, asking Waterloo Road to help roll Mandarin out across the LA.
But Mr Windsor and his department have certainly stepped up to the plate.
Would it be possible to grab a copy of that proposal now? No.
Um I have to finalise a few details.
I'll make sure you get one later.
- Have you seen Simon? - Nope, sorry.
That's strange.
I know he wanted to be part of the tour.
- BELL RINGS - There is a war on.
It's a bit chaotic in a good way, of course.
I'm sure he'll turn up.
- Shall we continue? - Are you joining us, Mr Windsor? I wouldn't want to get in the way.
Nonsense.
I'm sure there's room for one more.
- See you later.
- Yes, and thanks again, Miss Spark.
Look, can you stop playing games? If you've taken something, you'd need to tell me.
- For God's sake, why don't you just TELL HIM?! - Cos I don't want to! I feel sick again.
Look, this is for your own good, all right? If you've taken something poisonous, you could die, you idiots! I took someshrooms.
In the woods.
What?! Oh, great.
These outfits are minging.
You're the one that wanted realism.
Hey, are you OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
- Maybe you should have a snack or something? - Nah.
After Mr Budgen died, I, sort of, went on a food binge.
This war stuff's my chance to start eating properly again.
OK.
If you're sure? Yeah.
Quit flapping.
So you and Kev back on, then? Let's just say we realised we couldn't be apart.
So why the sad face? What happens when he goes to uni in America? He might not.
- It's Kevin.
Of course he will.
- So, go with him.
It's not that simple, is it? I mean, what are the odds of us two getting into the same uni? I could get a job, I suppose? You can't just "get a job" in America.
It's dead strict.
Even if I did .
.
he'll be studying all day.
I'd have no friends, no family.
You'll make new friends.
Or you could ask Kevin to change his plans? - I'd never do that.
- Why not? Because I love him.
And I don't want to be the one to ruin his future.
- Right, where do you want it? - The white line.
- Nikki, you know we've got this visit today? - Uh-huh.
Well, I'd like to be there, only I've got two kids that need to go to hospital.
- I'll cope.
- OK, who is it? Darren Hughes and Barry Barry.
I see why you're keen to offload.
What's happened this time? Ingesting hallucinogenics in the woods.
Excuse me? Magic mushrooms.
Or at least what they thought were.
They're probably going to be fine, but can you keep me posted on what the hospital say? - Yeah.
- Thanks.
You're a pal.
I owe you.
See you later, Audrey.
GOAT BLEATS Just a couple more of Mr Bain and I.
MUSIC: "Ragged Wood" by Fleet Foxes Oh, no.
Someone's ruined the carrot patch! Where's Wally? - Our resident goat.
Sorry about this.
- Oh, don't apologise.
It's good the kids have got a stake in the project.
Maybe she ran away? She didn't seem very happy.
Such is the lot of a school goat.
Don't worry, Lenny, we'll get a search party organised.
We need to find her.
Erm, I think it's time we visited the dining hall.
Is it not enough getting into trouble yourself, that you have to lead him astray? We'll see what the hospital say, but this might be a matter for the police, Barry.
We were taking from the land, Miss.
Like Ms McFall wanted us to.
To win the war! - But poor Daz got a bit confused.
- Just shut up, Barry! Wally? Wally? Connor, my son, has been helping out.
Oh.
Vocational training.
We like that.
I'm still hoping he'll go down a more academic route.
You say that, but don't some of these celebrity chefs earn a lot of money? Yeah, and they're doing something they love.
He's been brilliant today, this fella.
Go on, let them have a taste.
He came up with these all off his own bat.
Seaweed bhaji.
Mmm.
Very good.
Is that really seaweed? - Yeah, fresh off the beach today.
- Restaurant standard, that is.
Excuse me.
Simon, can I see you in my office? Mr Windsor, would you like to try some? So, you got Nikki to take Darren and Barry to hospital? Yeah.
- Do we know what happened? - It was mushrooms.
- Look, they deliberately went out of their way to find them.
- I'm sure.
But you were supposed to be supervising! Supervising, not 24-hour surveillance.
I trusted them and they betrayed my trust.
It's them you should be having a go at, not me.
Oh, don't worry, I will.
Only first, I've got to call their parents, unless you'd like to? If word gets out about this, it's goodbye to all the hard work - I've put in this week.
- You're not the only one who's worked hard.
- That's not what I meant.
- Really? Cos you seem more worried about how this looks, than in supporting me.
Simon, that is so unreasonable.
It was you who let them eat mushrooms unsupervised - you.
But don't worry, I won't say anything to your future father-in-law.
No? Cos there's lots I'd like to tell him.
Feel free.
I think Robert can see I'm doing a good job here.
Wally? It's only a goat, Lenny.
- Mushrooms? - Probably give those to Mrs Budgen.
Nice one! She blamed you for what Barry Barry did? Practically accused me of engineering it deliberately.
- So much for solidarity.
- I did warn you.
- Ooh, I haven't told you my news.
- I'm not in the mood for delphiniums.
No, it's not that.
Although I've had a breakthrough on the canape front.
George Windsor is a fake! Can't even speak Mandarin properly.
That's not right, he's been teaching it all term.
I caught him.
He's been paying Archie Wong for lessons.
What? Does Christine know about this? Cos if she does, it compromises her whole position.
- What happened to keeping your powder dry? - Stuff that.
She's never supported me, so why should I lift a finger to help her? Here is a list of all our grievances.
The cleaning debacle, hiring a teacher that's unqualified in a core subject I didn't want to go down this road, but she's left us with no choice.
MUSIC: "In the Mood" by Glenn Miller Andone, two, three, four Two, two, three, four.
Three, two, three, four.
Four, two, three, four.
Five, two, three, four.
Six, two, three, four.
Seven, two, three, four.
Get ready for your star jumps And - one, two, three, four, five FAINT: Six, seven, eight, nine, ten She's out cold.
We need help.
Uh, yes, ambulance please.
This is my fault.
I worked her too hard.
I'd no idea that level of exercise would harm anyone.
I think she's been fasting, as well.
- Fasting? - She got a bit carried away with people not eating during the war.
To experience wartime conditions, we suggested they only eat what they'd foraged.
- Will she be OK? - She'll be fine, she just needs to see a doctor.
Sonya, go and let Maggie know what's happened.
And please make sure all the pupils have something to eat and drink.
Bit of an emergency.
Rhiannon has collapsed.
Rhiannon? Is she OK? Turns out she hasn't eaten, cos of this war thing.
Please can you get some proper food on the go.
- Proper food? - Yeah.
Not this war stuff.
Finally! - Here.
Use these mushrooms.
- Excellent.
Lisa gave them to me.
They're from the allotment.
Mushroom omelette? - What a good idea! - I'll go and send the kids along.
I can only apologise, Robert, I just don't know how this happened.
You learn a lot about people in these situations.
Yes, I should have kept a closer eye on Ms McFall.
I never imagined her scheme would endanger the children.
The main thing now is to make sure that young girl is OK.
Yes, of course.
The paramedic is with Rhiannon now.
I'd like to grab a quick word with my daughter, if that's OK with you ? And, hopefully, that's the end of today's dramas.
WOMAN SCREAMS GOAT BLEATS Fabulous(!) Thank you very much.
Well, apparently your blood sugar was very low.
That's why you fainted.
Your body doesn't like extremes.
I know.
I, kind of, haven't been eating anything all week.
Oh, Rhiannon.
And that medic guy said if I overeat, then I can get diabetes.
Mmm.
So what we want is sensible, regular meals from now on.
OK? Don't worry, I've got the message.
I think I just overdid it.
We're all guilty of that sometimes.
Miss, have you seen - Wally! - Yeah.
All right.
Just take it away, yeah? Come on.
Rhiannon's on the mend.
Now let's concentrate on making sure no-one else collapses.
Already started.
We are serving mushroom omelette.
Mushroom? What mushrooms? From the allotment.
Don't eat anything! It's not black market.
- Have you swallowed any of this? - No such luck.
- Maggie, get rid.
- What's going on? - Can't I just eat the chips? - No! Christine, can I ask you something? Course.
Are you aware George Windsor isn't qualified to teach Mandarin? I thought so.
My "future father-in-law" would like a word.
Ah, good.
Perhaps now someone can tell me what all this is about? Sorry to spring this on you, Robert, butit's all in there.
Are you sure about this? You want to make a formal complaint? Yeah.
- She has victimised certain staff - What? - .
.
as well as using pupils as cheap labour - Which caused my accident.
.
.
not to mention employing a Mandarin teacher with no professional qualifications.
George Windsor? - The one in the sailor suit.
- I know who he is, Sue! This better be some mistake, because I do not appreciate being sold a load of bull! WARTIME MUSIC PLAYS Today has been really good.
Half the school getting medical treatment? Apart from that.
I mean, the cooking thing.
I don't care what my mum thinks, it's what I want to do.
Told you.
You'll be brilliant.
It's going to be hard for us when you go to uni in America.
Too late to change plans now.
I've already bought my cowboy hat.
As if! I haven't applied to any American unis.
And I won't be.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
There's courses here that are just as good.
And we want to go to the same place, don't we? Hey! Hmm.
Sue, it might be better if I spoke to Simon and Christine alone.
Not a problem.
- I wish Simon had come to me first.
- Clearly he felt he couldn't.
I thought we had a good working relationship.
- I don't know how you can think that.
- Let's not get into a slanging match.
Fair enough.
But I totally refute everything Simon is saying.
I can go through it, point by point.
There has been no victimisation.
- Come off it, Christine.
- I have a very happy staff room.
Yes, except some of the staff aren't qualified to be there.
George Windsor is a fully-qualified modern languages teacher who has lived and worked in China for many years.
- His wife is Chinese.
- Ex-wife.
His course work will need independent scrutiny.
I'm hugely disappointed with what I've heard today.
From both of you.
- I don't think that's very fair.
- But one thing I always admired about the war was the concept of courage under fire.
Sorry, Robert, you've lost me there.
Leadership is about taking responsibility.
You both want the top job at Waterloo Road, but when things get tough, how have you reacted? I brought my concerns about Christine straight to you.
Which are totally unfounded! I'm sorry, but it's Simon who ducked his responsibilities today.
Blaming other people isn't leadership.
The only one who took it on the chin today was Audrey McFall.
She made a mistake and accepted the consequences.
You two might think you're the only ones in the running for this job, but let me tell you, you're not - especially after today's performance.
BELL RINGS That's the last time I take you on at bench presses! SHE LAUGHS - I know you told me to butt out, but can I just say one thing? - No.
If I was ever ill, like that stupid brother of mine, I'd want my mum to be there for me.
And I'm sure Eve would feel the same way.
I don't think she would.
All I'm saying is, at least give her the option, that's all.
God, what a mess! And what's the Mandarin expert going to say when he looks at YOUR work? I don't know.
Nothing probably.
He'll just think I'm disorganised.
Anyway, Bain likes you.
He'll be on your side.
You didn't hear what he said.
I've blown it with him - big time.
- Not necessarily.
SHE SIGHS Why don't we go down the pub? You can tell me about it, then.
We've both seen enough of this place for one day.
Hmm? OK.
But only if you lose the Richard Geregear.
Who? I heard it was you who found her, Lenny, well done.
You can tether her here.
How is she? Rhiannon, I mean.
She's fine, asleep in bed.
- What's this? - A peace offering.
And a thank you for all your hard work this week.
I've put you under a lot of pressure.
Hmm, 1945 vintage, is it? We can forget all that now.
For me, the war is over! Doesn't need a corkscrew.
- I'll get the glasses.
- OK.
Don't worry, I'll come back and say bye-bye.
- Oh, I feel like downing a bottle of red tonight.
- I'll drink to that.
But that would be letting Simon win.
I'm not going to fall out with him, though.
Maybe Robert's right.
We need to resolve this without it becoming personal.
Christine certainly didn't have a good war, did she? No, but neither did I.
Or your dad.
I think we need to cool it.
Suits me.
There is a certain big day to plan.
- We need to have a serious talk about kilts.
- Kilts? Well, we do live in Scotland now.
Oh, God.
Going anywhere nice? Bet it won't be as nice as dinner with my dad.
Come on, Simon.
Mushroom risotto is it, Simon? GREAT ESCAPE MUSIC PLAYS You know.
When I get this job, and I will get it .
.
those two will be history.
SPITFIRE ENGINE ROARS This is Frankie McGregor Our supply teacher for science.
Miss Spark said quietly! Quiet! We're going down the mall at lunchtime.
Me and Shaz are going to nick make-up.
And it's girls only.
I can teach you how to tie a fly to a line.
They're not real flies, are they? I'm doing something this lunch, anyway.
Let me guess - hanging out by yourself? - I'm going fishing with Mr McGregor.
- Mum? - I can't believe it.
My Kasey, boxing with an Olympic champion! - What? - Nicola Adams! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 'I won't believe it! We have worked too hard' for you to turn around and say you don't want it! - It seems like it's been more your dream than mine! - What? Oh, God.