Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) s09e09 Episode Script
Zucotti Manicotti
I'm the pimp on top, can't never be stopped Frylock is on the bottom, and your mama on my Shakezula is m'elegante de la casa.
El Meatwad es tan grande.
Don't understand why you're [bleep.]
with a "g" 'Cause Shake got the bait, make a blind man see Meatwad got your mama in my ride Rollin' up the whole up and then keep the hoes high "Aqua Something You Know" Eh, whatever.
Gratuity! Yay! You only left a dollar? Well, she was really slow with the bread.
You fiend! Unhand three more dollars.
Come on.
Three? - She gave you free refills and - validated your parking.
You're right, Zucotti Manicotti.
I was wrong to be a cheapskate.
You've learned a valuable lesson today, crimson tightwad.
Let's not be cross with each other.
It's time to dance.
That's what I'm talking Still watching that Zucotti Manicotti marathon, huh? Yeah, boy.
Did you know that you always tip at least 15% unless the service was not up to par? - But 20% is a good benchmark.
- When does this end, by the way? This here's a Manicotti marathon.
- It ends Monday at midnight.
- Damn, man, what the hell? And then it's definitely over? I mean, I can get the TV back then, right? Well, this is all leading up to the premiere of the new show, "Zucotti Manicotti's healthy tips to fighting childhood obesity and early onset diabetes.
" Tip number one Stop watching TV.
Zucotti! - Tip number two is clean up that mess.
- Zucotti, no! Tip number three Stay out of my way! You should be cleaning this up instead of me.
That's the way.
Zucotti Manicotti said too much TV dulls the mind and closes the door to imagination.
So in a way, I should be thanking you.
Well, I'm only doing this because Frylock threatened me with getting into trouble.
Here, Frylock.
Would you mind perusing my Christmas list? Zucotti Manicotti tennis shoes, Zucotti Manicotti book of manners, Zucotti Manicotti restaurant guide for tipping, and Zucotti Manicotti shower radio with MP3 adapter.
I'm sensing a theme here.
Yep.
I love me some Zucotti Manicotti.
Holy hell, this Zucotti Manicotti [fart.]
is expensive, Meatwad.
Damn! Ooh, Zucotti Manicotti says, "nothing worse than someone that curse.
" Well, I don't know if Santa can afford a lot of these Zucotti Manicotti accessories.
That's okay.
Santa got a workshop.
Yeah, but Santa has limited resources.
- You know what I mean? - No, I don't know.
I've been a very good boy this year because I've been following "Zucotti Manicotti's 101 steps to being a very good boy this year.
" It's like you're [fart.]
damn brainwashed, man.
Ooh, Zucotti Manicotti say, "nothing worse than someone that curse.
" You tell your little noodle friend he can suck my [fart.]
ass [fart.]
and lick my balls.
Chomp down on them good.
That little nut [fart.]
.
Open it, Meatwad.
Go ahead, open it.
It's the official Zucotti Manicotti hand puppet.
Oh, boy! Now you can make Zucotti Manicotti shows of your own.
What are you doing? I'm looking under the tree for all the other Zucotti Manicotti merchandise on my list.
I'm not seeing it here.
Meatwad, that puppet you have there was almost 3 grand.
Maybe you should pretend that you got all that other stuff.
Oh, what's wrong with him? Oh, his eyes are glowing.
Well, he must be jet-lagged from the trip from the North Pole, you know? I'm going to eat your head.
- Come here! - Zucotti, no! I'll start with the face.
- Shake, cut it out.
- Let the blood rain down! Zucotti, you've changed.
Get back here I need to enter your dreams.
Way to go, Shake.
Real nice.
- Thanks, man.
- No, I mean you ruined Christmas.
Not yet I haven't.
The wi-i-i-i-ndow.
The wi-i-i-i-ndow.
Don't go to sleep.
Meatwad, quick! He's attacking me! Help! - Help! Frylock, help! - W-w-what happened? Are you okay, buddy? I heard screaming.
Zucotti's attached to your hand.
Oh, no.
He's biting me! Get the gun! Shoot him in the head! Hurry! - [Fart.]
my hand, man! - See, I told you.
Zucotti, he You all saw it.
It was self-defense.
I had to draw on him.
You're right, Meatwad.
You did what you had to do.
He saved your life, didn't he, Shake? He's not dead yet.
Come on.
We got to burn the body.
Let's hurry.
Dude, it was 3 grand.
Only way to know for sure.
You okay, sir? I-I feel a disturbance.
One of my hand puppets has met its demise at this house in New Jersey.
I assume you're going to see I will see to this personally.
- Shall I prepare the space pod? - Prepare my space pod.
Yeah, I I thought so.
I'm sorry, Zucotti.
I know it ain't part of your manners to shoot somebody in the face, but I did what I had to do, you know? I'm sure you'd respect that if I didn't blow your brains out on the carpet.
Meatwad, sometimes heroes have to die.
Just like Spartacus and Krull and the Beastmaster, even E.
T.
E.
T.
phoned home.
He didn't die.
After the credits, he died immediately.
- No! Not E.
T.
! - Oh, yeah.
When his people picked E.
T.
up on Earth, he smelled so much like them little kids that they turned on him.
And then they ate him when he was still alive.
- No! - Meatwad! Zucotti! But I shot you.
You attacked my best friend.
No, no, no.
You are being deceived.
And he has deceived you yet again.
What does my show say about deception? Why would you lie To a guy eye to eye? Think twice before Don't, don't, please don't sing the whole song.
You get it.
Basically it says it's bad.
An imposter disguised as me! Seize him! Two Zucotti Manicottis? I'm the real Zucotti Manicotti.
Obviously that's an imposter hand puppet.
No! It is he deceiving you.
What does my song say? Why would you lie To a guy I know.
I don't need to hear it.
Just shoot him in the head! Now now hold on a second.
A Manicotti would never preach violence against another Manicotti.
He's right the manicottis are a peaceful, well-mannered puppet people.
Pretty please, shoot him in the head.
Well, he did ask me nicely.
Look, I am Zucotti Manicotti of the intergalactic manicottis.
Liar! You don't even sound like me.
Come on.
Pretty, pretty, pretty please? What do I do? I'm Torn between good and evil.
We will put it to a test.
Exhibit "A" As you can see, the real Zucotti Manicotti can dematerialize and reappear.
Uh, let me stop you right there.
Now, I would gladly do that, except I got a sore throat right now and I'm very achy.
My glands are swollen, you know, the glands that allow me to do that.
In his defense, he does feel very hot.
Well, I don't want to pressure you if you ain't feeling good.
So it's up to you, Zucotti 2.
Well, uh, you do know that's TV, right? What's your point? I mean, you know, we turn the cameras off, I walk over there, and then they turn the cameras back on.
It's TV magic.
I don't really have those powers, so Yeah, like you've been on TV.
- Well, he is lying to you.
- No, I'm not.
Okay.
All right.
If I didn't have these swollen glands, I would do it right now.
Okay, okay, fine.
On to test two.
As one of y'all know, Zucotti Manicotti has the strength of a thousand armies.
The real Zucotti will be able to lift this sporty, two-door hatchback and throw it straight to the moon.
Uh, is this is this papier-mâché? Clearly no.
On TV, they use papier-mâché.
What can I say? Glands.
You see, when I fly, I will while they paint it out in post.
What's your excuse? Glands? - Of course, yes.
- Aha! Another deception.
- Manicottis do not even have glands! - Oh, is that right? Well, how about we slice him open and see who's telling the truth? Well, fine, I'll be the first to strike.
Let's just calm down.
Damn.
On to test four.
Come on.
I never said I could eat 100 eggs.
I mean, never.
And I never said it either, and I'm the one who's got my own TV show.
You're thinking Cool Hand Luke.
You know, Paul Newman.
You remember he was in jail.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, I seen that on TV.
Wait.
Wait, Meatwad, he's doing it.
He's eating the 100 eggs.
You're the real Cool Hand Luke.
Oh, right, yeah.
He's eating eggs through a bullet hole.
The shells are my favorite part.
And, oh, wow! Oh, look! He's pooping them out real fast, too, huh? The digestive system of a Manicotti is, uh I don't know.
Maybe he got the runs.
Oh, shut the [fart.]
up, you dumb piece of [fart.]
.
You're about the most ignorant [fart.]
I've ever seen in my life.
What the [fart.]
is wrong with you? How stupid can a [fart.]
be? I have humored this long enough.
I am clearly at my breaking point! Oh, God.
The imposter.
You figured it out.
He had me going for a little while, but he made one little mistake.
The Zucotti Manicotti I know looks taller on TV.
All right, drop the gun.
Drop the gun now! F.
B.
I.
! You're under arrest for the murder of Zucotti Macotti.
- You're with the feds? - That's right.
I'm wearing a wire.
I got the whole thing on tape.
- Now hand over the gun.
- It was an accident.
- It just went off in my hand.
- Save it for the lawyer, chump.
- Now to commit murder.
- What? Aah! Damn it! My [fart.]
hand! He won't move, won't talk.
He just keep staring at the wall.
And he doesn't hog the TV anymore.
I crushed this deal, holla! Shake, look, you saw the noose made out of shoelaces in his room, didn't you? I thought that was like one of them, you know, indian dream catcher things that he decided to hang himself with.
Yeah, well, 'cause of you, I got to push Prozac in his cat food for the next God knows how long, and good luck getting him to eat it.
He gets wet food? I'm the one who's alive and relevant.
Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Ah! A-ha ha ha ha!
El Meatwad es tan grande.
Don't understand why you're [bleep.]
with a "g" 'Cause Shake got the bait, make a blind man see Meatwad got your mama in my ride Rollin' up the whole up and then keep the hoes high "Aqua Something You Know" Eh, whatever.
Gratuity! Yay! You only left a dollar? Well, she was really slow with the bread.
You fiend! Unhand three more dollars.
Come on.
Three? - She gave you free refills and - validated your parking.
You're right, Zucotti Manicotti.
I was wrong to be a cheapskate.
You've learned a valuable lesson today, crimson tightwad.
Let's not be cross with each other.
It's time to dance.
That's what I'm talking Still watching that Zucotti Manicotti marathon, huh? Yeah, boy.
Did you know that you always tip at least 15% unless the service was not up to par? - But 20% is a good benchmark.
- When does this end, by the way? This here's a Manicotti marathon.
- It ends Monday at midnight.
- Damn, man, what the hell? And then it's definitely over? I mean, I can get the TV back then, right? Well, this is all leading up to the premiere of the new show, "Zucotti Manicotti's healthy tips to fighting childhood obesity and early onset diabetes.
" Tip number one Stop watching TV.
Zucotti! - Tip number two is clean up that mess.
- Zucotti, no! Tip number three Stay out of my way! You should be cleaning this up instead of me.
That's the way.
Zucotti Manicotti said too much TV dulls the mind and closes the door to imagination.
So in a way, I should be thanking you.
Well, I'm only doing this because Frylock threatened me with getting into trouble.
Here, Frylock.
Would you mind perusing my Christmas list? Zucotti Manicotti tennis shoes, Zucotti Manicotti book of manners, Zucotti Manicotti restaurant guide for tipping, and Zucotti Manicotti shower radio with MP3 adapter.
I'm sensing a theme here.
Yep.
I love me some Zucotti Manicotti.
Holy hell, this Zucotti Manicotti [fart.]
is expensive, Meatwad.
Damn! Ooh, Zucotti Manicotti says, "nothing worse than someone that curse.
" Well, I don't know if Santa can afford a lot of these Zucotti Manicotti accessories.
That's okay.
Santa got a workshop.
Yeah, but Santa has limited resources.
- You know what I mean? - No, I don't know.
I've been a very good boy this year because I've been following "Zucotti Manicotti's 101 steps to being a very good boy this year.
" It's like you're [fart.]
damn brainwashed, man.
Ooh, Zucotti Manicotti say, "nothing worse than someone that curse.
" You tell your little noodle friend he can suck my [fart.]
ass [fart.]
and lick my balls.
Chomp down on them good.
That little nut [fart.]
.
Open it, Meatwad.
Go ahead, open it.
It's the official Zucotti Manicotti hand puppet.
Oh, boy! Now you can make Zucotti Manicotti shows of your own.
What are you doing? I'm looking under the tree for all the other Zucotti Manicotti merchandise on my list.
I'm not seeing it here.
Meatwad, that puppet you have there was almost 3 grand.
Maybe you should pretend that you got all that other stuff.
Oh, what's wrong with him? Oh, his eyes are glowing.
Well, he must be jet-lagged from the trip from the North Pole, you know? I'm going to eat your head.
- Come here! - Zucotti, no! I'll start with the face.
- Shake, cut it out.
- Let the blood rain down! Zucotti, you've changed.
Get back here I need to enter your dreams.
Way to go, Shake.
Real nice.
- Thanks, man.
- No, I mean you ruined Christmas.
Not yet I haven't.
The wi-i-i-i-ndow.
The wi-i-i-i-ndow.
Don't go to sleep.
Meatwad, quick! He's attacking me! Help! - Help! Frylock, help! - W-w-what happened? Are you okay, buddy? I heard screaming.
Zucotti's attached to your hand.
Oh, no.
He's biting me! Get the gun! Shoot him in the head! Hurry! - [Fart.]
my hand, man! - See, I told you.
Zucotti, he You all saw it.
It was self-defense.
I had to draw on him.
You're right, Meatwad.
You did what you had to do.
He saved your life, didn't he, Shake? He's not dead yet.
Come on.
We got to burn the body.
Let's hurry.
Dude, it was 3 grand.
Only way to know for sure.
You okay, sir? I-I feel a disturbance.
One of my hand puppets has met its demise at this house in New Jersey.
I assume you're going to see I will see to this personally.
- Shall I prepare the space pod? - Prepare my space pod.
Yeah, I I thought so.
I'm sorry, Zucotti.
I know it ain't part of your manners to shoot somebody in the face, but I did what I had to do, you know? I'm sure you'd respect that if I didn't blow your brains out on the carpet.
Meatwad, sometimes heroes have to die.
Just like Spartacus and Krull and the Beastmaster, even E.
T.
E.
T.
phoned home.
He didn't die.
After the credits, he died immediately.
- No! Not E.
T.
! - Oh, yeah.
When his people picked E.
T.
up on Earth, he smelled so much like them little kids that they turned on him.
And then they ate him when he was still alive.
- No! - Meatwad! Zucotti! But I shot you.
You attacked my best friend.
No, no, no.
You are being deceived.
And he has deceived you yet again.
What does my show say about deception? Why would you lie To a guy eye to eye? Think twice before Don't, don't, please don't sing the whole song.
You get it.
Basically it says it's bad.
An imposter disguised as me! Seize him! Two Zucotti Manicottis? I'm the real Zucotti Manicotti.
Obviously that's an imposter hand puppet.
No! It is he deceiving you.
What does my song say? Why would you lie To a guy I know.
I don't need to hear it.
Just shoot him in the head! Now now hold on a second.
A Manicotti would never preach violence against another Manicotti.
He's right the manicottis are a peaceful, well-mannered puppet people.
Pretty please, shoot him in the head.
Well, he did ask me nicely.
Look, I am Zucotti Manicotti of the intergalactic manicottis.
Liar! You don't even sound like me.
Come on.
Pretty, pretty, pretty please? What do I do? I'm Torn between good and evil.
We will put it to a test.
Exhibit "A" As you can see, the real Zucotti Manicotti can dematerialize and reappear.
Uh, let me stop you right there.
Now, I would gladly do that, except I got a sore throat right now and I'm very achy.
My glands are swollen, you know, the glands that allow me to do that.
In his defense, he does feel very hot.
Well, I don't want to pressure you if you ain't feeling good.
So it's up to you, Zucotti 2.
Well, uh, you do know that's TV, right? What's your point? I mean, you know, we turn the cameras off, I walk over there, and then they turn the cameras back on.
It's TV magic.
I don't really have those powers, so Yeah, like you've been on TV.
- Well, he is lying to you.
- No, I'm not.
Okay.
All right.
If I didn't have these swollen glands, I would do it right now.
Okay, okay, fine.
On to test two.
As one of y'all know, Zucotti Manicotti has the strength of a thousand armies.
The real Zucotti will be able to lift this sporty, two-door hatchback and throw it straight to the moon.
Uh, is this is this papier-mâché? Clearly no.
On TV, they use papier-mâché.
What can I say? Glands.
You see, when I fly, I will while they paint it out in post.
What's your excuse? Glands? - Of course, yes.
- Aha! Another deception.
- Manicottis do not even have glands! - Oh, is that right? Well, how about we slice him open and see who's telling the truth? Well, fine, I'll be the first to strike.
Let's just calm down.
Damn.
On to test four.
Come on.
I never said I could eat 100 eggs.
I mean, never.
And I never said it either, and I'm the one who's got my own TV show.
You're thinking Cool Hand Luke.
You know, Paul Newman.
You remember he was in jail.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah, I seen that on TV.
Wait.
Wait, Meatwad, he's doing it.
He's eating the 100 eggs.
You're the real Cool Hand Luke.
Oh, right, yeah.
He's eating eggs through a bullet hole.
The shells are my favorite part.
And, oh, wow! Oh, look! He's pooping them out real fast, too, huh? The digestive system of a Manicotti is, uh I don't know.
Maybe he got the runs.
Oh, shut the [fart.]
up, you dumb piece of [fart.]
.
You're about the most ignorant [fart.]
I've ever seen in my life.
What the [fart.]
is wrong with you? How stupid can a [fart.]
be? I have humored this long enough.
I am clearly at my breaking point! Oh, God.
The imposter.
You figured it out.
He had me going for a little while, but he made one little mistake.
The Zucotti Manicotti I know looks taller on TV.
All right, drop the gun.
Drop the gun now! F.
B.
I.
! You're under arrest for the murder of Zucotti Macotti.
- You're with the feds? - That's right.
I'm wearing a wire.
I got the whole thing on tape.
- Now hand over the gun.
- It was an accident.
- It just went off in my hand.
- Save it for the lawyer, chump.
- Now to commit murder.
- What? Aah! Damn it! My [fart.]
hand! He won't move, won't talk.
He just keep staring at the wall.
And he doesn't hog the TV anymore.
I crushed this deal, holla! Shake, look, you saw the noose made out of shoelaces in his room, didn't you? I thought that was like one of them, you know, indian dream catcher things that he decided to hang himself with.
Yeah, well, 'cause of you, I got to push Prozac in his cat food for the next God knows how long, and good luck getting him to eat it.
He gets wet food? I'm the one who's alive and relevant.
Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh Ah! A-ha ha ha ha!