RuPaul's Drag Race (2009) s09e09 Episode Script

1 - Previously on "RuPaul's Drag Race" You'll be roasting Michelle Visage.
[cheering.]
- Michelle Visage is so Jersey, her idea of classical music is Lisa Lisa.
[all laugh.]
- Happy 90th birthday, Michelle.
[all laugh.]
- Michelle Visage judges a talent competition.
I don't know about you, but don't you actually have to have talent to do that? Ha - Farrah Moan.
- Nothing landed, honey.
- Alexis Michelle.
- It's a Hanukkah miracle.
Baruch HaShem.
- I literally forget there was an audience here.
That's how silent they were.
- My question the whole entire time is why is she green? - Well, Tamar, have you ever watched the show? - Peppermint, you're the winner of this week's challenge.
[applause.]
Alexis Michelle, shantay you stay.
Farrah Moan, sashay away.
-Oh, my goodness.
-Girl.
- [sighs.]
-Oh, Farrah.
-Oh, Farrah.
- Why? -Farrah.
-Oh, no.
- Farrah was just eliminated.
I'm going to miss the whining.
It was so charming.
- Ooh.
- Congratulations, Miss Alexis.
- How are you feeling? - I'm usually so comfortable on my feet in front of an audience.
And to choke like that, I scarcely know what happened.
- Alexis is feeling a little shook up after this challenge.
Her ego definitely got checked a little bit.
And we're still asking ourselves, why is she fucking green? - Look at you trying to strip for the camera.
- You're my best friend.
You're my best-- - Oh! [all laugh.]
- Bitch, shame.
- Once again, I look over and Nina is off to the side not participating.
She's somewhere else.
You've been quiet.
- Honestly, I did feel like some people were coming for me, you know.
- Did someone say that to you or is this stuff that-- - No, I can hear stuff.
I could've swore I've heard certain girls kind of talking-- not saying my name, per se, but I feel like they were kind of talking about me.
I'm not trying to make it up.
- So you're saying you know that people are talking about you to each other.
- A little bit, yeah.
Yeah.
- Nina thinks that everyone's out to get her.
I think she thinks it's some kind of a drag conspiracy, and it's just not true.
- I'm just taking things in.
- It seems like you're starting to withdraw.
I don't want you to go back to that.
- Nina needs to call Patti LaBelle, 'cause she needs a new attitude.
- We started with 14, and there are seven now.
- Ooh, shit, it's getting real.
- At this point in the competition, the filler bitches are starting to fall off left and right.
You gotta go, you gotta go, and you gotta go.
Next.
[car engine starts, bell rings.]
- "RuPaul's Drag Race" - The winner of "RuPaul's Drag Race" receives a one-year supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics and a cash prize of $100,000.
With extra special guest judges "The Real O'Neal's" Noah Galvin and Lisa Robertson.
- "RuPaul's Drag Race" - May the best woman - Best woman win - We got to find love - Swish, swish, turn.
- At this point in the competition, it is getting down to the nitty-gritty.
We're all fighting for the same title to win.
Move out the way, bitches, 'cause I'm going to win.
A-currr.
- I'm gonna, like, rub your head for good luck.
- I'm sure it does something.
- Trinity's always trying to rub somebody's head.
- You now have lice.
- Aah! - I'm from Alabama.
I'm used to that.
- Aah! - [laughs.]
You told a joke.
[all laugh.]
[door opens.]
- Hello, hello, hello! - Hey! - Hey! - Ladies, by inviting you to "Drag Race," I've provided you with a platform that reaches millions of fans around the world.
And now it's your turn to take your careers to the next level.
So for this week's maxi challenge, you will create, write and star in your own TV pilot.
- Oh! - Yes! - #YourPilotsOnFire.
[all laugh.]
You need to come up with concepts, characters and stories that lay the groundwork for a new hit TV series.
You need to work in two teams of two and one team of three.
That's called mathematics.
[all laugh.]
I'll let you pick your teams right now.
- Brrr.
- Of course, Sasha and Shea cling to one another.
Surprise, surprise.
- Oh, my God.
Okay.
I was going to go and make a bee line toward the other side of the room, but turned around and there was two lovely ladies walking towards me, so I couldn't really, like, run.
- Y'all love me and you think I'm creative, but you ran past me to the next person.
All right.
- Yeah? Okay, yeah.
- They were like, okay, I guess we're teammates.
- Now, whatever you do, make your charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent binge-worthy.
So good luck and don't fuck it up.
[applause.]
- So cops is an option.
What are some other, like, situations? - Spies.
- Is now the time for the Russian accent? [both laugh.]
- That's right.
- I finally get to do a Russian character.
I'm so excited.
[Russian accent.]
Like, I hacked into the villa.
[both laugh.]
I hacked into Versace's spring collection.
- Does anybody have any ideas right off the bat? - I have one.
So my idea is, I think there should be two church ladies.
Each of your sons just came out as gay.
And then a nun.
I think a nun would be really funny.
- I like that.
- We're aiming for something very religious, but with a gay twist.
- This summer, two mothers, two sons, one holy secret.
- That's great.
Look, girls, you know what? This is going to be easier to spread out on the table.
-Okay.
-Let's do it up here.
- I really would like to do the voiceovers.
-Okay.
-Um, I know that normally there's only one voiceover voice.
I would love if there was a way to split it up, just because I feel like I have a lot to prove after last week.
- I think it needs to be clear who's speaking.
It would be confusing to them.
- I would rather one of you two just do it.
So flip a coin or one of y'all just, you know, step back and let the other one do it.
- I know for sure that I really want to do it, but I don't want to have a fight with Peppermint.
- Can we just read through it a couple times? - Yeah, we need a read-through.
- So now Alexis wants to do the voiceover.
Mm-mm.
She's gonna have to pry this part from my cold, dead, manicured hands.
- Coming up - Where are the Espadrilles? -[chuckles.]
-Children! - Beat me, bitch.
[both laugh.]
- [coughs.]
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
- "If you could create your own hit TV show, what would it be?" For this week's maxi challenge, we're making our own TV shows.
I'm not not happy that I have to write something.
It's just I feel like I have to prove that I have a talent that I might not know that I might have, but I hope I do.
- Okay, so what can we do? Okay.
- Maybe we work together in an office.
- Okay.
It could be like some kind of like "Maury" show, like who's baby is it or something.
I don't know.
- Nina and Valentina have ended up together, and I say recipe for disaster.
- We have to know our lines.
- That's gonna be easy because we can go based off of improv in the moment, you know.
- We can adlib, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I think we have a great chemistry, and I know the judges personally love us.
So I think that's gonna be to our benefit.
- So you come and join me over here on the dark side.
Is it just to work next to me 'cause you love me so much? - That's about half of it.
I'm just not feeling too good about, like, my relationship with Nina right now.
- You two were very tense last week.
- Yeah.
My feelings were just really hurt.
- Some girls here think, oh, she's not original.
Oh, she's not being funny, she's-- -Who is saying that, Nina? -You.
- What, bitch? No, I never said that.
-Yes, you did.
-When did I say that? - You've said it more than once.
- I wasn't even trying to throw any of that your way 'cause I don't play those games with you.
I have always looked out for you.
I have always built you up.
I have defended you.
So it actually really hurts my feelings, 'cause that's not who I am, and I've never done that.
This morning, I felt like she was even more cold to me and, like, distant.
And I was just, like, I think I just need to just kind of, like, distance myself a little bit so I can concentrate more on the competition.
The energy that she's giving me is just really whack, and I've just kind of reached my limit.
I'm done.
- Why, hello.
-Hi.
-Well, hello.
- Welcome, ladies and sister.
- It's time for my team to shoot our TV pilot.
I actually feel pretty good about our chances.
We're pros, we look great, and Alexis looks like Kathleen mother fucking Turner.
- You've got the pit crew to use, and you can use whatever props and furniture you need from 204 Events.
- Let's start with the voiceover so we can get those out of the way.
Does that work for you? - Great.
Perfect.
Trinity Taylor as Sister Mary Koont, "Mary, Mother Of Gay.
" - Cut.
How about on "Mary, Mother Of Gay?" - Trinity Taylor as Sister Mary Koont on "Mary, Mother Of Gay.
" -That was pretty great.
-Thank you.
- Did you all get the T on Koont? - We did the time before.
-Okay, cool.
-Yeah.
- You probably want to move on.
- Next scene is we are in the sister's office in the church.
- Do it in the rectory real quick? - [laughs.]
The what? - If I had a nickel.
And action.
- Your son is always listening to Broadway show tunes.
- Well, your son is always baking cakes.
- Alexis, your accent's just a little bit too twangy.
Where we're "bay a cay.
" You don't have to go too hillbilly.
- Yeah.
A little more Julia Sugarbaker? - Alexis has a real opportunity here to go extreme with this crazy character, and she's playing this conservative lady.
Really conservatively.
- Your son bakes cakes.
- Well, your son always has something in his mouth.
- Children, it's not the end of the world.
- Trinity, just bring it up.
These are two loud bitches, so you gotta overpower them.
-Okay.
-That is not my-- -Mercy, Lord.
-Children! - [laughs.]
- Father Ross, his breath always smells like dick, too.
- [laughs.]
[coughs.]
- Can we say "dick" on TV? - Of course, you can.
"The Dick Van Dyke Show.
" - He said "dick" and "dyke.
" - Well.
- That's good family television right there.
- It is.
Thank you.
Welcome, ladies.
-Hey.
-Tell us what's going on.
- We're gonna do a funky spy dramedy.
- [Russian accent.]
And I'm an ex-Commie Russian mommy.
- I'm gonna be a Kung Fu, fighting crime.
- Are we doing like a blaxploitation feeling here where things are like, pow, boom? -Yes.
Absolutely.
-Yeah.
- Okay, let's start with your voiceover.
Action.
- This unlikely duo will have to work together to defeat the greatest evil of all time.
- Bad fashion.
- Okay.
I would love for you to go for it.
Be those voices.
- It's like the Moviefone recording.
-Yeah.
-Welcome to Moviefone.
- Yeah, yeah.
- If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, press one now.
-Perfect.
-And action.
- "Teets & Asky.
" - See you next Tuesday.
- At midnight, mother fucker.
-[laughs.]
-That was great.
- Where are the Espadrilles? I said where are the Espadrilles? Bitch, I'm talking to you! I said, where are the Espadrilles? - [laughs and coughs.]
- Look good? [all laugh.]
-That's perfection.
-That works.
That works.
- Good, good, good, good, let's go.
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
You don't stop.
- Um, next up is Sunset? -Yes.
-Action.
Friends forever, BFFs.
Looks like Ernie and Bert.
Oh.
- Oh.
-This feels wrong.
-Really awkward.
That's a wrap on "Teets & Asky.
" Thanks for being prepared.
-Whoo! -Aah! - Valentina and Nina Bo'Nina Brown Jessy Raphael.
- What's the name of the show? -"Nina & Tina.
" -Okay.
Do we have voiceovers to do? - We didn't get to really finish it.
But I can try to go off my head.
- Just go for it, okay? Ready? And action.
- Nina and Valentina move to Hollywood.
I mean, okay, Nina and Tina, sorry.
-So is it Valentina or is it -No, it's Tina.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
- Okay, okay, all right.
You can do it again, baby.
- Sorry.
Nina and Valentina moved to Hollywood.
- Is it Valentina or Tina? - Tina.
- Soon after, Nina and Valentina were finally released from jail.
- [snorts.]
What's your next scene, girls? So talk us through what you're doing right now.
- All right.
So right now, she's in jail.
We're gonna play off of each other, just adlibbing.
-Oh, you're gonna adlib? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- There's zero preparation.
Ready and action.
- Oh! - Girl, let's just-- we have so much time in here.
We need to become drag queens.
- [laughs.]
Okay, okay.
- We need to become -Drag queens.
-Drag queens.
- Do you think maybe a script would have helped? - Yeah.
- Okay.
I think we better keep moving.
- Yeah, let's go.
All right, talk us through this next scene, because it looks really messy.
- Trying to learn how to do makeup, how to pad and things, so we're kind of like - With household products.
- 'Cause we're, you know, we're out of jail.
We're gonna be like, girl, it shouldn't be hard to do this.
What, foundation? Like, I'm doing her with the--this is her-- - No, I think we should do our own makeup.
Should we do our own makeup or should we do each other's? - What do you want to do? - I think each other, but it's on you.
- Should we do each other's makeup? - Yeah, it'll be fine, I think.
- All right, ladies, you ready? - Makeup removal wipes.
We need to take our lips off really quick.
- Why do you want to take them off? - Well, because we're doing a makeup.
-Oh, you're gonna put them on.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I need a Ritalin smoothie just to watch this.
- Oh, my God.
Tick-tock.
And action.
- You know, when times were hard, girl, a little pancake batter went a long way.
Oh.
Oh, girl, that is your skin tone.
You look painted, mama.
Oh.
- [laughs.]
- Oh, I just feel it going in my pores.
Oh, my God.
Grace Jones realness.
[both chuckle.]
Ugh, ooh.
Beat me, bitch.
- [laughs.]
- All right, ladies, your time is up.
- That was really, um -Interesting.
-Interesting.
- I have no idea how this is gonna turn out, but there's laughter in the room, and that's what we're here to do.
- I mean, it was very entertaining to watch, even though it was like a train wreck.
- Coming up Category is Club Kid couture.
- It's okay.
The K should wear off in about 15 minutes.
[all laugh.]
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
- It's elimination day, and it's time to get ready for today's runway, Club Kid.
- Oh.
- I've been waiting for this the entire time.
I'm so excited.
- She's beautiful.
I want this dress.
- This is one of the first dresses I ever wore in drag, actually.
-You think I'm kidding.
-No, I know you're not, but I'm not gonna give it to you.
- Well, if she goes missing, I didn't take it.
- [laughs.]
Good luck fitting in it.
-Whoo! -That ass.
- Shady bitch.
- You foundation the back of your head? - Yeah.
- Yeah, she does her whole head.
- I contour my head, too, when I'm doing, like, beauty makeup.
- What does it do, though? You're like, my head's so big, I need to contour it.
- Ooh! Good one, girl.
- I don't have that much experience with this whole Club Kid thing, but I will say I'm super excited.
- Have you done a Club Kid look before, Trinity? - I've never really done it because I don't want people to, like, laugh at me for-- Oh, well, that was cute.
Club Kid drag is completely outside my comfort zone, so I wanted to just be over the top.
- In the nineties, the Club Kids changed drag forever.
They had an influence on, like, every type of drag.
Beauty drag, pageant drag, it all has, I think, felt the legacy of the Club Kids.
- Yeah, for sure.
- It was an underground party culture that really pushed the boundaries of queer aesthetics.
It didn't just shift drag.
It shifted fashion.
- I remember seeing the Club Kids on, like, daytime talk shows, like Geraldo and Sally Jessy, yeah.
- All of them, James St.
James, Amanda Lepore.
- And Susanne Bartsch.
He wasn't exactly part of the core New York scene, but Leigh Bowery is very much the spirit of the Club Kids.
- Club Kids have influenced drag today in going beyond female impersonation and really thinking about becoming a piece of moving art.
- Oh, my God.
Oh! Oh! [stomps foot.]
Oh - Are you using hot glue? -Yeah.
-Oh, my God, on your face? - Don't burn your skin, girl.
- That's such a drag queen sound.
That pop, pop.
Sound familiar, Nina? - Right.
[laughs.]
- Hey, Nina, am I right in sort of perceiving that you seem to be a little lighter in spirit today? - No, I'm still cursing y'all bitches out in my head.
[all laugh.]
- Girl.
- No, I'm good, you know.
Just sometimes you just need a little quiet time to yourself.
- It's nice to see you happier.
- Let's see how long it lasts.
- [laughs.]
Girl! [all laugh.]
[RuPaul laughs.]
- Covergirl, put the bass in your walk Head to toe, let your whole body talk And what? - Welcome to the main stage of "RuPaul's Drag Race.
" My favorite co-star, Michelle Visage.
- I'll always be the Rhoda to your Mary.
- Aw.
Style superstar Carson Kressley.
Now, have you ever done a pilot? - I have.
I can't remember his name.
[all laugh.]
- Today's special value, the stunning Lisa Robertson.
Lisa, do you like my dress? - I love your dress.
- Good.
Well, there's only 2,000 left, so order now.
- [laughs.]
- And from "The Real O'Neals," Noah Galvin.
So excited you're here.
- I'm very, very excited to be here.
-I don't believe you.
-No? - Give her another take.
Give her another take.
This week, we challenged our queens to create, write, and star in their very own TV pilots.
And tonight, on the runway, category is Club Kid Couture.
Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win.
Category is Sasha Velour, clown in a gown.
I want a Jumbo Jack fries.
- I'm really enjoying this freaky high fashion clown character.
It's so true to the Club Kid spirit.
- Marcel Mar-- no, she better don't.
- Don't cry out loud.
Shea Coulee serving Leigh Bowery.
- That swimsuit's so tight, I can read her lips.
[all laugh.]
- It's like a pearl necklace around your mouth.
- She's really sunk her teeth into this challenge.
- I am bringing you twisted Club Kid royalty.
It's freaky, but I know they into it.
-Is she giving me side-eye? -I think she is.
- Just that one.
- Nina Bo'nina Brown Anderson Lee.
[all laugh.]
- Your aorta is showing.
- I'm serving Skeletor, bad bitch, and I walked backwards on the runway.
So, honey, Nina Bo'nina Brown is the first to walk backwards on the runway, so sue me.
- Now, that's a party monster.
[all laugh.]
Valentina.
- I didn't know there was a SARS outbreak in Mexico.
[all laugh.]
- The running of the queens.
- Tonight, I'm very espanola, looking like a matador with these nails and this luxury and this fabulous sparkle.
Like, this is what I would do as a Club Kid.
- She's putting the ho in Old El Pas-ho.
[all laugh.]
- Trinity Taylor.
- "Fifth Element" realness.
- I've never actually seen a lady with blue balls.
-No.
-Hmm.
- I'm giving you alien, robotic, venereal disease realness.
There is no beauty queen here, honey.
-Dat ass.
-Mmm.
- It's okay.
The K should wear off in about 15 minutes.
[all laugh.]
- Peppermint.
- How many licks does it take? [all laugh.]
- BDSM Lollipop Guild.
- My runway look is a mix between the exquisite Leigh Bowery and the genius Klaus Nomi.
- Curiously strange.
- Oh, that was refreshing.
[all laugh.]
Alexis Michelle.
- I can see her trapezoid.
- Oh! I think this is the perfect outfit to be weighed in at the doctor's office.
- [laughs.]
Yes.
- I'm not used to showing my body like this, so this feels really empowering.
I am serving body, I'm serving sex, and I'm serving graphic art.
- I see her bridge and tunnel.
[Michelle chuckles.]
- Thank you, Michelle.
- Coming up - Open wide, ladies.
- [gagging.]
Swallow! [lone clap.]
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
- Welcome to the RuTV Up Fronts.
It's time to screen your pilot presentations.
First up, Sasha Velour and Shea Coulee.
- The year: 1980.
Meet super glamour mama-jamma Teets McGee and ex-Commie Russian mommy Natasha Asky.
This duo will have to work together to defeat the greatest evil of all time.
- Bad fashion.
Pussy in the lap? - [Russian accent.]
Meow.
- I'm down with that.
Pussy on a sweater? That deserves a slap.
- Wearing white after international day of labor? If you were my mother's daughter, she would drown you in river.
Ha! - Bitch, I said where are the Espadrilles? Don't make me bring your mama into this.
- But the people they end up helping the most will be each other.
- Why are you using all these shoulder pads? - How else can I make myself look like strong woman? - Vote, bitch.
- There will be twists, turns, and cliffhangers.
- Please don't jump.
You have so much to live for.
- Shea Coulee and Sasha Velour are Teets & Asky.
- See you next Tuesday.
- At midnight, mother [bleep.]
.
[applause.]
- I can't wait to get the Teets & Asky lunch box.
[all laugh.]
Up next, Valentina and Nina Bo'nina Brown Miller-Boyett.
- [snorts.]
- How you doing? You looking for some company? - Two ladies of the night are thrown into jail.
- [gasps.]
-We've been framed! -We've been framed! - What are their names? Nina and Tina.
- Put your legs behind your head.
You're under arrest.
- Oh! - And this is how it all started.
Buddy, you'll hear from my lawyer.
Bitch, because of you we're in here.
- I told you to stay on your corner where you belong.
[both gasp.]
-"RuPaul's Drag Race.
" -"RuPaul's Drag Race.
" - I have a plan.
- The two frenemies continued to polish all that entails to becoming America's next drag superstars.
- Girl, we have to do a death drop.
- One, two, three, go! Oh, girl.
Are you okay? - Oh, I thought a death drop means you really die.
- Aah! - Hey, kitty girl - They finally got their drag together and competed in "RuPaul's Drag Race.
" -Ooh.
-Damn.
- Oh, my God.
- You can catch "Nina & Tina" on Channel Zero at 4:00 A.
M.
- [chuckles.]
[lone clap.]
- I'm not even gonna look at the judges 'cause I'm quite sure they're doing a face of what the hell was that.
So I'm gonna look at the TV so I don't see y'all.
- Last, but not least, Trinity Taylor, Peppermint, and Alexis Michelle.
- Two mothers, two sons, one holy secret.
-Oh, my gay! -Oh, my gay! - Desperate for guidance, they turned to the holiest mother they know, Sister Mary Koont.
- Our sons are gay.
-And it's her fault! -And it's her fault! - Listen, your son is always baking cakes.
- Ooh, honey, your son is always got something in his mouth.
- This is not my fault.
This is your fault.
- Honey, you ain't no godly Christian woman at all.
- Children! You know, Father Ross, his breath always smells like dick, too.
- This nun shows them how to get closer to God through prayer.
- Ladies, get on your knees.
- Oh! This doesn't feel very ladylike.
- Mm-hmm.
I know you know how to do it.
- Just pray, damn it! - Communion.
- Open wide, ladies.
- [gags.]
-Swallow! -And celebration! - Gay men - Gay man - Gay men - Hallelujah! - Gay men - Hallelujah! - Starring Peppermint as Shaquita Bryant.
Alexis Michelle as Freda Phelps.
Trinity Taylor as Sister Mary Koont.
Tune in to see if tolerance goes balls deep on "Mary, Mother of Gay.
" [applause.]
- Oh, hallelu.
Ladies, I've made some decisions.
- Coming up - Frankly, the clever word play and the writing I do think came from me.
- I have to speak up right now.
That is not the case.
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
- Ladies, based on your pilot presentations and your Club Kid couture, I've made some decisions.
Sasha Velour, Shea Coulee.
Con-drag-ulations.
You're the winners of this week's challenge.
You've each won a $1,000 gift certificate from The Spa On Rodeo, and a sickening supply of hair care products provided by Aquage.
And the hair doesn't have to be on your head.
[all laugh.]
- Good.
- You may leave the stage.
- Yes.
We the dream team.
- Oh, my God.
it's actually amazing to win working with Shea again.
I'm so happy.
- That means you're all up for elimination.
Now it's time for the judge's reviews, starting with Nina Bo'nina Brown Stuart Masterson.
- Tonight on the runway, I love what you did with your face.
Your makeup is intense.
It's really insane.
- But I think the torso part, it looks a little bit like an afterthought for me.
- I wanted to paint this, like, elaborate ribcage, but didn't have time, so I just kind of did what I could do.
- Let's talk about "Nina & Tina.
" - Okay.
- I felt like you guys came with no preparation.
I really wish you had a script.
- Shows like "Curb Your Enthusiasm" are completely improv'd, but they always have a structure so they don't just fly off the rails.
-Valentina.
-Hello.
- Your runway look I think is spectacular.
- But I'm getting way more high fashion than I am Club Kid.
And in the acting challenge, same thing goes here.
I didn't feel like you guys were prepared, and I feel like you guys kind of wandered until you got to where it was going.
- It sort of felt like a movie to me.
There has to be a formula that you can fill every week, so it can't be wrapped up after the first episode.
- Up next, Trinity Taylor.
- I have to say, that is my favorite runway look.
It is so well done.
- This was really hard for me.
You know, it's not easy to look like a venereal disease.
[all laugh.]
- Everything about it rings true to Club Kid for me.
I love it.
It's super fun.
Let's talk about Sister Koont.
You went for it.
- Children! - And you ended up being the scene stealer.
- You took directions so beautifully, and the moment we said go bigger with it, you embraced it and you were the comedy gold of "Mary, Mother of Gay.
" Really well done.
- Thank you so much.
- Up next, hard candy Peppermint.
- I'll never forget who you are because of your outfit.
It's so on brand.
- This is really bringing back, like, The Tunnel and Club USA and all those great places.
- Thank you.
- I like that it's over the top.
- She could also leave here and go to "Let's Make A Deal.
" What I loved about "Mary, Mother of Gay" was that it was totally actual sitcom beats.
Like, when they said the name and you looked at the camera like.
You did the voiceovers.
You committed completely to your role.
I thought you did a really good job.
-Thank you.
-Up next, Alexis Michelle.
- Hi.
- Tonight on the runway, not my favorite look.
It is a body stocking with a corset on.
This is beautiful, your hair and makeup.
-Thank you.
-It's just almost like it doesn't make sense with the rest of the outfit.
They're two different looks.
- In terms of the pilot, your performance, for me, did sort of get lost in the shuffle.
- Maybe your character didn't pop as much because you took on a lot of the producer role.
- I want to say something, and I don't intend by any means to throw my beautiful teammates under for this.
But I do think that a lot of the organization and, frankly, the clever wordplay and the writing I do think came from me.
In trying to keep things running and organized, I may have taken a back seat in the size of my performance.
- I have to speak up right now.
The way that this discussion is going down, it sounds like Alexis was the producer of our pilot.
That is not the case.
You were not the only person-- - I didn't mean to say that.
- That was writing things down.
The three of us did put in a balanced amount of work.
- I also felt that there was a little bit of me, me, me.
Peppermint felt very strongly about doing the voiceover.
- Okay.
I did say that I wanted to do the voiceover, but you could have said, before we go to shoot, let's talk about this again.
- It wasn't much of a discussion.
It felt like it was claimed.
- I want to say one thing as well.
As a team, all three of us put in the same amount of work.
It was all of our ideas.
- And please let me repeat, I was not trying to throw you under, either of you.
But in focusing on administration, my performance was not the same size as my co-stars.
- Thank you, ladies.
We've heard enough.
While you untuck backstage, the judges and I will deliberate.
All right, now, just between us network execs, let's start with "Nina & Tina.
" - This was a difficult challenge for Nina and Valentina because it was very structured, and I don't feel like they're very structured people.
- They were spinning their wheels in the mud.
They were going nowhere, and they were going nowhere fast.
However, could I sit there and watch them do it forever? - Aah! -Absolutely.
-Sure.
- I mean, this is a Night at the Improv you don't want to miss.
- I'm just really disappointed with these two because there's so much comedy gold that could be made into a sitcom with these two characters.
This week on "Nina & Tina," the old prostitute from Chattanooga teaches the girls a lesson about hot water cornbread.
Michelle, write this down.
I think this is a really good idea.
-I got it, I got it.
-Yeah, good.
Trinity Taylor.
- As far as Sister Mary Koont, she went for it balls to the wall and she delivered.
Tonight was a great night for Trinity.
- Although I do think that she really committed to the part, the pilot that they did is my least favorite.
- Listen, it was cliché and not that original.
I think the show's gonna be a big hit.
[all laugh.]
Peppermint.
- Everything that you need to do in a sitcom, I think Peppermint delivered.
- And she really nailed it in the voiceover.
-That's true.
-Because that's really set the tone for the whole piece.
-Yeah.
-Alexis Michelle.
- She was very prepared, knew her lines.
- I don't like that she turned on her teammates like that.
- I just feel like she was making excuses for why her performance didn't pop for us.
At the end of the day, you just have to be memorable in the presentation, and she wasn't.
[clap, clap.]
- Silence.
I've made my decision.
Bring back my girls.
[RuPaul laughs, bell rings.]
- Welcome back, ladies.
I've made some decisions.
Peppermint, Trinity Taylor, your performances were crass, crude and clichéd.
You're both safe.
-[laughs.]
-Thank you.
- You may join the other girls.
Nina Bo'nina Brown, your skeletal look is killer, but you really boned your pilot.
I'm sorry, my dear, but you're up for elimination.
- I already knew it.
Call me Miss Cleo.
- Valentina, on the runway, you gave us Spanish fly, but your pilot didn't land.
Alexis Michelle, at this point in the competition, there's no excuse for not standing out.
- Oh, my God.
- Alexis Michelle, your prayers have been answered.
You're safe.
You may join the other girls.
- Thank you.
- Valentina, my dear, I'm sorry, but you are up for elimination.
Two queens stand before me.
Ladies, this is your last chance to impress me and save yourself from elimination.
The time has come [thunder.]
for you to lip sync [echoing.]
for your life.
- Nothing can explain what I'm feeling as I'm waiting to have to lip sync for my life.
I'm scared.
- Good luck and don't fuck it up.
- Greedy You know that I'm greedy for love Boy, you give me feelings never felt before I'm making it obvious by knocking at your door I know that I'm coming tonight You know I'm coming tonight Don't want to deny it anymore Been in this state of mind Been in this state of mind Been in this state of mind, oh, yeah - Stop.
Hold up, hold up.
All right, enough.
[music stops.]
Valentina, this is a lip sync for your life.
We need to see your lips.
Take that thing off of your mouth.
- I'd like to keep it on, please.
- It's a lip sync.
What part of that do you not understand? - Okay.
- So we're gonna reset.
Okay.
Lip sync for your life, take two.
- Greedy You know that I'm greedy for love 'Cause I'm so I don't need a phone call Got nothing to say I'ma tell you when it's over - Oh, she doesn't know the words.
I know I'm coming tonight I just need to get this out the way Oh, baby - In this moment, my mind is just at a blank.
I don't remember the song.
I just want to disappear.
- Oh, yeah Baby, you got lucky 'cause you're rocking with the best And I'm greedy 'Cause I'm so greedy 'Cause I'm so Greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy I'm greedy for love - Yes, yes, yes, whoo! Yes! - Baby, you got lucky 'cause you're rocking with the best And I'm greedy 'Cause I'm so greedy 'Cause I'm so I ain't talking money I'm just physically obsessed And I'm greedy 'Cause I'm so greedy 'Cause I'm so greedy, ooh You know that I'm greedy for love 'Cause I'm so [applause.]
- [sobbing.]
- Ladies, I've made my decision.
Nina Bo'nina Brown, shantay, you stay.
- Thank you.
- You can join the other girls.
Valentina, I thought you had the stuff to go all the way.
Now sashay away.
- Thank you.
I'm so humiliated tonight.
I want to be here so bad.
I don't want to go.
[crying.]
Los quiero mucho.
I never imagined this was the way that it was going to end.
[sighs.]
I wanted to leave putting up a good fight, and that's something I wasn't able to do today.
But I don't want to leave feeling disappointed.
I want to leave here feeling grateful.
- My queens, never give up.
And remember, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here? -Amen! -Amen! - All right.
Now let the music play.
- Hey, kitty girl It's your world, hey Hey, kitty, kitty girl Whoa-oh-oh