Duck Dynasty (2012) s09e10 Episode Script

What African country became the world's newest, in July of 2011? - I think it's Madagascar.
- No.
- New Zealand? - What? - Congo.
- No.
- The answer is Egypt.
- Is that your final answer? - No.
- Yes.
South Sudan.
I was gonna say that, I mean you don't say South Louisiana, you say Louisiana.
- Thank you.
- It's like North Dakota, South Dakota.
It's no secret that Robertsons love competition.
Tae Bo is a breed of a show dog; true or false? - All right, what's the choices? - Seriously? However, this is more like a grown up version of a first grade pop quiz test.
Piedmont wine region is located in: - France, Italy or the United States? - Oh, so easy.
- Piedmont is a French word.
- USA, put it on the board.
- Italy.
- I knew it! - Dag-gum-it.
- Here's an idea, let's get together and answer a bunch of dumb questions to see who possesses the most useless information.
What word do the chemical symbols for tin and silver spell? Ain't nobody got time for that.
It goes without saying, it was the wives turn to pick the game this week.
Personally, I'm a dominoes man.
If I kill that fly can we get a pie? No that is not the way it works.
- That's his last roll, look.
- You just did that on purpose.
This is so fun we should do this more often.
This is a disaster.
I know it's been a long time.
We used to play this all the time, years ago.
Let's play dominoes, poker, let's play something where there's an actual competition.
Well, we don't have to always play something, we could just go out together and have a couples night, or something.
- Let's arm wrestle.
- What do y'all want to do? You know what I've been wanting to do lately - Arm wrestle.
- I say wrestling.
- Fencing.
- I don't know.
- Yeah, we give.
- Go dancing.
- No.
- No.
- No.
- Yeah.
We're not going to some freaking club and going dancing.
Us going dancing would be like y'all going frog hunting.
Well, let's go frog hunting.
- No.
- No.
- Yeah.
- Come on, you won't last five minutes.
Seriously? You'll be screaming at the moon, dialing 911.
I agree.
Here's the deal, if we go frog hunting with you, and we catch more frogs, than y'all have to go dancing with us.
- We're never - Deal! We're never gonna go dancing, you just ruined it right there.
Deal.
It's a terrible idea, I mean if you've heard the stories that he comes home with, y'all will not want to go frog hunting.
It sounds like fun.
And I did get a leach on me the last time I went I had to surgically remove that.
It was bloody.
- He's just trying to scare us.
- Yeah, you're not scaring us.
If you see red eyes, don't try to grab that, that's a gator.
That's a gator.
Really, y'all aren't scared by that? Okay, maybe a little.
This is exciting, so you're already loaded up? - Yes.
- Good.
What the crap? This is just your stuff? Well, I mean, it's just everything I need for college.
You got a bread maker, just go buy a loaf of bread; who makes bread? What if I need it? I thought you were gluten free, you can't even eat bread anyway.
- I like bread.
- Ah, crap.
They are not kidding when they say women are over-packers.
This truck is bigger than our first apartment.
- Probably.
- Man, I thought Korie was bad.
One time on a camping trip, she brought a whole 'nother suitcase just for her shoes.
But now, I think she's met her match.
Crystal china set, you don't need that.
Willie, they might want to have a nice dinner party.
What? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- You don't have that in college.
It's a good lesson for marriage though.
Space is limited, so you got to mark your territory before all you've got left is the bathroom and the dog house.
Holiday decor? Yeah, but they're gonna want to decorate for Christmas and stuff.
How many times did we decorate for a holiday in college? Every time.
I mean you don't have to pee on anything, but you get what I'm saying.
Mark it in some other way.
I don't know how we're gonna fit all John Luke's stuff in here.
Maybe John Luke doesn't need as much of his stuff.
We can narrow your stuff down, John Luke.
- Yeah.
- I don't know.
I mean, I don't think you need, like, maybe that hat.
- Si gave me this hat.
- That's a cool hat.
- Yeah, thank you.
- Or the fire extinguisher? If Mary Kate cooks like your mom, John Luke, you may want to keep that handy.
Yeah, maybe so.
First year of marriage, you know how many times - I had to put out your meals.
- Please.
Pretty much still to this day a fire extinguisher is recommended whenever you're cooking.
Okay, but you do not need the bone, you can leave the bone.
Korie, we found that when he was a child we were hunting and we found the bone.
Sentimental, it's between me and dad.
Every big dog needs his bone.
I'm sure there's some stuff you can leave, John Luke.
It's our whole life in there.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Pretzel maker? - That's your life? - I can leave the crabs.
I don't want your crabs, son.
You take everything you own, especially living, with you.
You're adults, you all figure it out.
- Okay.
- All right, sounds good.
What's all that stuff you got there? Nets, to catch the frog, candles to keep the bugs away.
Ice chest to put the frogs in that we catch.
We brought peanut butter crackers, too.
Y'all act like this is easy.
Catching a frog, I mean, what you just grab it.
Keep laughing.
- Why are you laughing? - No, that was funny.
Well, I'm not grabbing a frog, so I'll never know.
Can I give you some advice? - No.
- Okay.
The guys think they are the best at everything outdoorsy.
If you catch one I will be shocked.
Keep talking.
And they're good, but that doesn't mean that we're automatically terrible.
Two hours we meet right back here and count the frogs.
It's not gonna take you long to count yours.
Y'all just get your dancing shoes shined up.
At the very least we're gonna prove to our husbands just how serious we are about going dancing.
I'm sure we won't catch one.
- Missy.
- I'm sorry.
- Stop being so negative.
- I'm being realistic.
Well, some of us are serious about going dancing.
- Lets get out of here.
- Good luck boys.
Did you buy frogs? No, I didn't buy frogs, I'm not cheating.
I have a secret weapon coming.
What is it, share? Okay, we might be terrible.
But nobody said anything about not recruiting expert help.
- There he is.
- And there he comes, the master.
Ladies, your secret weapon has arrived.
Now do you think we're gonna catch any, Missy? I think we might.
I'm not in it for the dancing, 'cause when the drinking dried up, so did the dancing.
- What are you in it for? - Just to strap them boys of mine.
On y'all's behalf.
I like it, let's do this.
I'm just hoping that I don't injure myself so that I can't dance.
Push hard.
Untie your boat, Jess.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Oh, lordy.
By now you're supposed to already have that boat untied, - what are you doing? - Hey, I'm sorry.
- Let's go.
- All right, push off.
That's a lot of pink for a frog hunt.
Who got these bongos? I forgot about these.
You think those are really essential? John Luke.
John Luke.
They are essential.
- Stop.
- These are definitely coming.
I think that's a no to the bongos.
Kay, they got a congo party going on in here.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Oh, my goodness, look at all this stuff.
Oh, is that a blue toaster? - Yeah.
- It is.
Oh, that is cool.
John Luke and Mary Kay are gonna be heading off to college soon, so Si and I decided to come over and help them pack.
I love the teddy bear.
Now I wouldn't leave home without a stuffed animal.
- Yeah.
- All that's doing is taking up space.
I never went to college myself, but I did accept a scholarship to the School of Hard Knocks.
And I majored in cooking.
These'll be fun in the pool.
Thank you I agree with her.
- Piece of junk.
- John Luke we don't even have a pool.
You ain't even got a pool and you're worried about having a poodle noodle.
Hey, make friends with somebody with a pool.
Yeah, we'll have friends with pools.
He's your grandson all right.
I never got my degree, but I think my homemade sweet potato pie speaks for itself.
Well, I can see why you need all this stuff.
Thank you.
- I would take more actually.
- Kay, do not encourage him.
By the looks of all this, you're not going to college to get an education.
Why do you need them dice? - I would keep it.
- No, you don't need them.
- The wheels, throw that out.
- I need that to ride around on campus.
- Number one it's two wheels.
- It's four wheels.
- No.
- Okay, yep.
This is two wheels okay, this thing is not stable.
Hey, these kids are supposed to be packing for college, all right, here's what I was expecting to see coming in here: Books, calculators and number two pencils.
What is that thing behind you.
- It's a paddle board.
- What's it good for? That defines who he is.
This is who I am.
- No.
- Yep.
- No.
- Yeah.
If I knew that all he was gonna pack up was a bunch of crap, hey, I would have saved him a lot of trouble and just brought Sweet Pea's litter box.
Look, I'll take all this stuff off of your hands and I'll store it for you in my storage shed, for a nominal fee, of course.
Hey, look, if you want crap, I'm your man, I'm full of it.
Alright, here's the deal, I'm a help you all out.
These are gone, hold it.
- Yep, bongo gone, they're gone.
- Take those.
Fuddy dud, fuddy dud, no! Let me have that, don't need it, all right.
Ted, he's out of here, give me that.
We give him a hug, say bye to him.
Do you need to give him a hug too? No, it's okay, cause he's coming with us.
No.
This is so creepy.
It's pretty out here, actually.
Seriously, this is like a horror movie to me.
There's a gator! - Oh! It's a gator, - Where, where, where, where! - Right under our boat.
- Oh, my gosh.
I don't think this is very smart, I say we turn around.
You don't want him, you want that frog.
There's a lot of women out there running around in Louisiana that can fire the boat up and let's get it.
I keep getting bugs sticking to my lip gloss.
I feel like I have a bug in my bra.
Ew, I just sniffed a bug.
But, uh, this particular crop, of Robertson women, they don't fit in to that category.
Ow! Something just bit my foot.
Sort of like somewhere between a horror movie and little hens cackling.
- Stop screaming.
- Sorry, God.
It went in my ear.
Trust me, these subdivision girls, these are not swamp girls.
- There's one right there.
- Where? - Look right there see right there? - No.
He's right there, right there on the right.
These things are hard to find.
At the end of this caper, if no one gets maimed, I would say success.
I got it.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Jessica! - Did you get him? - No.
It's kind of the way America's going now.
Ladies, all I can do is teach you the right way to do this, but I can't catch them for you.
How do they do this? This is ridiculous.
- On the left.
- On your left.
Right here, Jep, right here.
- Shoot, right there.
- Yeah.
- Jep you got to go here.
- He doesn't know what he's doing.
- Go right.
- I'm trying, dude.
- Go right.
- It's easier for me to go left.
Jep.
Good grief.
A frog hunting team is just like any other team, you're only as strong as your weakest link.
Jep, am I going to have to run that motor? Probably.
Which in this case is clearly Jep.
Willie, why don't you run the motor.
I can't I tore my arm up playing tennis.
Oh, my goodness.
Willie's not even part of the chain.
He's more like an anchor.
Maybe we should have just stayed on the bank.
That's just weighing us down.
All right, Jep, can you catch a frog? - Yes.
- Only 'cause I want to win this, and I don't want to embarrass ourselves, am I gonna run this motor.
This is supposed to be a two-man job.
So it looks like, we're short one man.
See him right there? - Yeah.
- Get on him, Jep.
- Face plant! - You better got that one! He gone.
- Oh my goodness.
- I'm sorry.
Ain't that the girls are gonna catch any, but we gotta at least catch one.
I think we did pretty good today.
I think we narrowed it down.
It's still too much.
Wait, John Luke, these aren't even yours.
These are Sadie's.
- What is it? - Headbands.
Those are mine, when I had long hair.
Throw me one of them.
John Luke was having a little trouble giving up some of his childhood stuff.
So I threw all that crap in the back of my pickup.
Your hair's short now.
Yeah, but it grows.
I might need them in the future.
Throw me one of them, let me look.
- Why do you need this many? - Hey.
Now the boy's got it down to the essentials that he needs for college.
- There's one.
- Hey! Throw me one of them, let me look.
Plus, I got my Christmas shopping done, win-win.
Okay, mutual, beneficial, for everybody concerned.
This could be the new start of a new me.
Si, you're too old to be the new you.
- Well, what do you think? - I like it.
Its looks like it's squeezing your brain a little bit and you sure don't need that.
Look, we need to get this going, we're right down to the finish line.
We got about four or five boxes left, let's wrap it up and get them on the truck.
I'm getting tired, I don't know about you all.
- All right.
- Let's load it up.
We also have 12 more boxes in the garage.
You got what! What do you mean 12 more boxes? We got wedding gifts and stuff.
No.
We've got to figure something out, the truck's leaving in the morning.
That's when you need to compromise.
These kids have got to learn that a big part of marriage is learning how to compromise.
Kind of like me and Phil in the kitchen.
Phil will be like, "I'm tired, I need a nap.
" He's a grumpy grump, you understand? That's compromise.
You can't always get everything you want, when you both want something different.
Maybe we can just get rid of some of your stuff.
Yeah, there's a good idea.
Unless you have something to trade.
- How about we get another truck.
- Do what? Now that is a winner.
I like it, then we can bring everything.
Mary Kate's gonna learn soon, a little honey on the biscuits goes a long way.
Just ask Phil.
Why didn't we do this to begin with, and we wouldn't even have to go through all this sorting and talking about don't take this, take this, take that, take this, don't take this.
Party pooper.
Take that and those on the truck, no we're not gonna take that, okay two things left, yeah, put that on the truck.
Si, you're giving me a headache.
Nope we don't need this put it over here, take it to the truck.
Maybe three trucks.
There's a frog right there Jase; look look look, see him? - That's a big one.
- I got it, I see him.
You better go for it right now Jep.
- Got her? - Yeah! - Yeah! - That a baby! - Now we're rolling! - Now we're doing something! - Hold him tight.
- That's what I'm talking about, boo ya! Put him in the ice chest before you drop him.
Yeah! I may have struck out a few times earlier but I'm just getting warmed up.
- You see him? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He got it! Now I'm the king of catching frogs, I'm the Frog King.
There he is Jep, do a drive by.
Oh, my goodness that's the biggest one of the night.
I'll probably make Jess call me that, when we're alone.
Whoo, boys, we ain't dancing tonight.
- Wait for it.
- I got no problem with dancing, but I ain't dancing.
You know if you get enough mud in the bottom of this boat you can really do the moon walk.
All right come on, you don't get the next one it's my turn.
Jessica, right there.
Whoa, that's a big one, straight back, straight back! - Right there, Jess, you see him? - Yeah, yeah.
- Set the net on him.
- Get him, Jess.
Get him, get, him get him, you got him! You got him, you got him.
- Goodnight you dropped him.
- What the heck it fell out! It's gonna be a long night if you all don't do no better than that.
Okay I'm not gonna lie, frog hunting is a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be.
All right Korie, your turn.
Y'all got to suck it up, let's get out there.
Come on, baby, find me some frogs.
I hear one over here.
There's one right there.
Jessica has made, literally dozens of attempts, and has not caught a frog.
I'm gonna go straight at him.
- Get him.
- You got to be quick.
Hopefully, I'll have better luck, because the only thing worse than not going dancing would be hearing what the guys have to say when we come back empty handed.
Just set it down on top of him and hold him.
Okay.
Korie, you better show some skill.
Leave it just like that.
Bingo! Get him in the boat.
We got a frog, that felt good! That was awesome.
I know I underestimated us, I didn't think we'd come back with anything.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Pretty.
Yeah, that's some good meat right there.
But now that we have caught a frog, I'm feeling good.
Everybody gets a touch of it.
I'll touch it when it's cooked.
- Come on Missy, touch it.
- I'm good.
If you lick him you'll get dizzy headed.
- Really, what? - I'm just kidding.
Maybe even good enough to catch one myself.
Probably not.
So have you all been converted into frog hunters or what? Yeah, no.
Come on, Missy, you know you had fun.
You all ready, girls? Let's get about 10 more.
- Come on let's do it.
- All right.
That's the girls screaming.
Is that dad's boat? Tie us all for a la-ti-da.
We've been had boys.
You got to be kidding me.
Where did Phil come from? I should have known the girls had something up there sleeves, this whole deal seemed way too easy.
I don't care if they did get Phil, they still didn't catch any.
Don't hurt your back with all them frogs.
- Oh, goodness.
- They're naturals, Jase.
- Oh, crap.
- Yeah.
But poaching our dad to be on their team that's something I didn't see coming.
Watch your back, 'cause they're heavy.
Ribbit, ribbit.
It was a cheap trick and they bent the rules and I'm kind of upset that I didn't think of it.
Pro move, Korie, pro move.
It was supposed to be us against y'all, not Phil.
He didn't catch any frogs.
He was just our driver.
Yeah, but that's part of frog hunting someone has to drive the boat, I had to drive the boat half the night.
That was not in the rules.
- I have to admit I'm stunned.
- Are you getting scared? - Did y'all catch any frogs? - I'm not scared at all, despite the fact that Well you seem really bothered by the fact that Phil went with us so No, I'll tell you what, I'll show you all what we got.
All right, show me.
Let's see, how about some of these.
- Those are nice.
- Hmm.
- Nice? - What about this guy? - Yeah.
- Sufficient.
Wait a minute, let me see here.
- Oh, a little baby frog.
- He'll be delicious.
Oh, that's a fat one.
Seven counting the baby one, nine.
No wait a minute, there's more, don't forget about him, that's 10.
- All right.
- All right you want us to count ours? - Yep, let's do it.
- All right, here we go.
We got one.
- We got one.
- One? I have to admit, even though our wives only caught one frog, they exceeded my expectations.
- I'm surprised you caught one.
- Thank you.
He didn't jump in the boat did he? No.
Even if they had to use Phil to drive the boat, still impressive.
After watching you boys wives in action I would say it's worth a dance.
Okay, one dance for one frog.
What I'm not happy about is having to see Willie jiggle on the dance floor.
Just some things that a man shouldn't see.
Since we only caught one, we didn't actually beat you, we will clean the frogs.
- Deal! - And I'll cook them.
- We'll help.
- Done.
- Pleasure doing business with you.
- Time for bonding.
Ew, you're slimy! - So are you.
- Uh-uh, I didn't touch a frog.
Y'all hear that frog? All right, y'all bow.
Father thank you for the frogs that you created, they're a wonderful animal, in the name of Jesus who made all these things possible for us, amen.
Amen.
Marriage is a lot like dancing, it can be exhausting, occasionally awkward and often difficult to find your groove but when you do, it's hard not to have the time of your life whenever two people come together there's always a little give and take, whether sacrificing your belongings or self dignity, compromising ain't easy no matter what the circumstances are.
Just remember that when it comes to your marriage it's always worth the effort, even if it means embarrassing yourself on the dance floor.
I got an idea, the frog dance.
Now I remember why we don't go dancing very often.