Futurama s09e10 Episode Script

1
[triumphant music playing]
[theme song playing]
[lively theme music continuing]
[mellow orchestral music playing]
[dramatic music playing]
[all screaming]
[alarm blaring]
[fizzling]
We're under attack! Evasive action!
We're not under attack.
I was trying to tilt my seat back,
and instead, the ship went
into catastrophe mode.
Activating sprinklers!
[beep]
Hellballs!
The wires are all crossed!
[beep]
Uh-oh! Can opener!
[gasp]
Down in the valley ♪
[metal creaking]
More hellballs!
Hang your head over ♪
[grunts] Ow!
I'll get you, can opener,
if it's the last thing I ever
[screaming]
[metal cutting]
[birds chirping]
[distant screaming]
Do you hear something?
Sounds like a screaming
coming across the sky.
[screaming gets louder]
[crash]
Ah, that explains it.
- Should we check for survivors?
- After a crash like that?
What's the point?
[tiles clicking]
[saw grinding]
[crew gasping, grunting]
Thank God the can opener
had the presence of mind
- to cut an escape hole.
- It's a hero!
[grumbles]
I coulda bent us an escape hole.
But did anybody ask Bender?
No!
- [panting] Are you alright?
- No, I'm not alright!
I was talking to the can opener.
- What about you? Are you alright?
- No! I was nearly smushed!
I was talking to the ship!
[sad music playing]
[sobbing] Poor old Bessie.
I'm afraid her time has come.
Why did it have to be her
instead of me?!
Hello?
Gaping head wound!
[metal clanking, clattering]
[somber organ music playing]
[engines whirring]
[electricity zapping]
[gates creak open]
There it is.
The Graveyard of Ships.
[plasma gurgling] The plasma sea
at the bottom of the multiverse.
Mariners call it the Tropic of Ghosts.
- They're pretty stupid, though.
- I'd hate to be here at night.
- It is night.
- Then I hate being here!
[somber music playing]
[sniffles] I built that ship
with my own two hands,
as well as several hundred
high-powered hydraulic hands.
Did I ever tell you
about all the different
- lengths of wire I used?
- Yes!
She saw us through
lots of great adventures.
And a few mediocre ones.
Honestly, some of those three-part
adventures were kinda sloppy.
We had a nice run,
but nothing lasts forever.
Except me, apparently.
Hey, what are those shmierd
currents under the surface?
Merely jet streams
of alternate realities.
All that is, was, or might have been.
And a lot of other crap, too.
Alternate realities
can bite my shiny metal ass!
[laughing]
Bender! Show some ass respect!
- Hiya!
- Ha, ha! You missed!
- Hiya!
- Oof!
Not in that reality.
[bagpipe playing]
[dissonant note]
- My heartfelt symphonies.
- Oh, lord.
When a vessel so renowned
as the Planet Express ship
is laid to rest,
it's only fitting that
the DOOP's greatest hero
say a few words in tribute.
Or better yet, sing them!
[groans]
That ship is like a ship on the ocean ♪
It's been sailing with a cargo
full of love and devotion ♪
So, rock the boat ♪
Come on, Kif.
[sighs]
Don't rock the boat, baby.
- Rock the boat ♪
- Don't tip the boat over ♪
Thank you.
Check out our SoundCloud.
[beeping]
I see by the clock-ometer,
there's still a few minutes before
the scuttling charges detonate
and sink your ship forever.
So, if you'd like to pay
your final respects
Yes. Let's view its spacely remains.
[gentle music playing]
[buoys clanging]
This ship was my first home
when I came to the future.
I slept right here
on this stained carpeting.
- You're what stained it!
- Remember this table?
I had a meal there.
Once. [sniffles]
Ugh! How can you meatbags
get so weepy about a ship?
- It's just a hunk of tin!
- You're 40% tin! [hollow knocking]
And didn't you once have
a torrid affair with this ship?
I have torrid affairs
with lots of things.
Then I move on.
Bender don't look back!
'Cause his neck joint don't turn that way!
Ooh, snap!
Doo dat doodle-oo deedle-ee boo ♪
[gentle music playing]
So many memories.
[electrical whirring]
[eerie music playing]
Ah! Too many memories!
[loud whirring]
[painful groaning]
[dramatic sting]
- Eh, whatever. Let's go.
- Move it along, Leela!
The explosives are set
to go off in 15 minutes.
Wait, where's Fry?
How should I know?
You're his mother.
[beeping] Oops, sorry.
I meant 15 seconds.
What?!
Quick, we've got to find Fry!
[crew panting]
[Zoidberg whooping]
Come back! There's no time!
- Leela!
- Amy!
Dr. Zoidberg!
[dramatic music playing]
[splashing]
[plasma chirping]
So, uh
this graveyard need a janitor?
[somber music playing]
[plasma chirping]
[coughing, gasping]
- Fry
- Leela?
Why is me?
He's okay!
His pulse is steady as an abalone!
- W-What happened?
- We were all on the ship when it sank.
We nearly drowned trying to save you!
I swallowed a lot of
quasi-neutral plasma.
[retching]
[mystical sparkling]
Why didn't you come out sooner,
you boob?
I had some kind of attack.
I started seeing flashes
of things that happened.
Also, things that didn't happen.
Except it felt like they did happen.
Or will happen!
Well, these things happen.
Or don't. Or will. Or
Let's just go.
[mysterious music playing]
Leela, you and I could've died
on that ship.
- True so far.
- But then, we'd never have gotten
Never have gotten what?
Uh, the tattoos with each other's names.
I already have one. I used to
date a different guy named Fry.
Then, how come I've never seen it?
It's in a very out-of-the-way spot.
♪
Whoa! Someone's all duded up!
Bender, life can go
in a lot of directions.
Up, left,
community college,
but I know exactly which direction
I want mine to go.
So tonight, at sunset,
I'm meeting Leela on top of
the Vampire State Building.
I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
When I said someone's
all duded up, I meant me.
Check out the Rolex.
I bent it off a guy I know.
By the way, you're late.
[gently soaring music playing]
- Big night, eh, Mr. Fry?
- The biggest, Janös!
- I'm gonna ask Leela to marry me!
- Leela? Bluh!
My gosh. This is incredible!
- I feel like I died and went to here.
- But luckily, you didn't.
A toast. I
- I
- What's the matter?
Nothing. I-I just felt strange,
like we'd had champagne here before.
Janös has served many before you.
Their souls linger long after
the champagne has been drunk
Yeah, that's probably it.
Anyhow, Leela, I brought you here
to ask you something.
Ooh! Lookie there!
[dramatic music playing]
- What is it?
- [whimpers] This ring!
Th-The table!
The plain white napkins!
I'm sure I've done this before!
Fry, I'd remember a ring like this.
Woo!
Janös, you remember
this happening, don't you?
It is a curse of my kind
to remember everything.
[Gothic sting]
Oh, I forgot your hors d'oeuvres.
It's like I'm having a dream,
except I'm not having a dream.
It's more like watching a movie
when I'm half asleep.
Oh, you're having an Avatar?
[electrical whirring]
[dramatic music building]
[whirring builds]
[painful groaning]
Fry! What's wrong?
I don't know. I'm seeing you,
but I'm seeing other stuff, too.
Me! You!
Plain white napkins!
Look out! The railing!
[screaming]
♪
[grunts]
Janös, quick!
Help me get him to a doctor!
[both grunting]
You know,
he'd be a lot easier to handle
if he had less blood
Just saying.
[somber music playing]
Well, your head seems normal,
aside from that weird face on the front.
- So what happened this time?
- It was just like on the ship.
I felt like everything's happened before,
even things that didn't happen yet!
Does that make sense?
No! You're a terrible patient!
Could Fry be seeing some kind of
alternate universe? Or a time loop?
Nonsense.
Those things are completely possible
and happen all the time,
but this sounds like
a textbook case of déjà vu.
Déjà vu?
I feel like I've heard of that before.
No, wait.
I'm thinking of De La Soul.
You have all the symptoms.
The feeling you are experiencing
something that's already happened?
That's all the symptoms.
It's not déjà vu!
I'm sure the things I'm seeing
are real somehow.
You don't think I'm crazy,
do you, Leela?
I don't know what to think.
[gentle music playing]
I love you so much, and all I
ever wanted to do is marry you.
But first, I need to understand
what's happening to me.
- I'm not going anywhere.
- No one's not going anywhere!
Because everyone's going to the hangar
to see the new ship I just completed.
[soaring orchestral music playing]
BENDER:
Okay, already, we see it!
[instruments beeping]
Pretty cool, eh?
It's got cutting-edge
artificial intelligence.
And to provide its speech,
I hired the world's greatest voice actor,
Tress LaMarche!
NEW SHIP: Hi, there.
It's even got a new
cloaking device I invented!
Plus an uncloaking device.
And a cloak room!
It's like living in the future!
Oh my, yes!
You should see the wire I used.
All the latest lengths!
[chair squeaking]
Now, this is comfy.
Do I feel an electric seat warmer?
You do! The AI automatically adjusts
to ambient butt temperature.
- Wow. Hear that, Fry?
- Yeah. Sounds great.
I thought you'd be excited.
You're always complaining
about my chronic cold butt.
It's just, I miss the old ship.
I feel like maybe something
important was on it when it sank.
This ship's nice, but it feels wrong.
Well, I'm just happy it
doesn't have a can opener.
That's where you're not happy, Bender.
The one thing I saved from
the old ship was the can opener!
It even has its own sleeping quarters.
[dramatic sting]
What?!
Where's my sleeping quarters?!
You don't need any!
This ship is so fast,
you won't have time to rest.
That's just a perk for heroes.
[sinister music playing]
[sinister crescendo]
[engines softly whirring]
[zap]
Cheer up, guys.
At least we get to go
to a tropical paradise
for our first delivery.
[steel drums playing]
[quiet whirring]
[trees rustling]
[spacecraft whooshing]
Woo! That was exhausting.
- No, it wasn't.
- Yes, it was.
I need a nap. And for that,
I'll need sleeping quarters!
[dramatic sting]
Get out.
Bender, no! That can opener
is the finest
- swordsman in all of space!
- Eh?
Oh, yeah?
[cocks gun, fires]
[can opener whirring down]
You shot a guy who only had a sword?!
What? I saw it in a movie.
It was hilarious.
- You think they'll try me as an adult?
- I would.
[dramatic music playing]
Wake up, Canny!
[clanging]
Please!
Wake up!
[banging]
- It's over, buddy.
- [gasps] How can I go on?
My nemesis is dead!
I'm like Superman without Lex Luthor!
Aquaman without that big old shrimp!
[Leela gasps]
Ow.
You want your hand and your Rolex?
No. I shall go on without them
in tribute to a worthy foe
who met his match in Bender One-Hand.
That's what you have
to call me from now on.
Bender One-Hand!
Or Bender No-Watch!
Nah, I might get a watch
for my other hand.
Anyway, I still need that nap.
[grunts]
Ahh
[whooshing]
[dramatic music playing]
[radar beeping]
NEW SHIP: Vessel ahead.
- Vessel ahead.
- That's weird.
Something's showing up on radar,
but I don't see anything.
[gasps, stammers]
What? What is it, boy?
The old Planet Express ship!
See it?
I don't see squat.
I-It's right there,
next to the space stuff.
♪
Fry, a little psychotic break
with reality is perfectly normal.
Sometimes, I think I can
control the weather. [giggles]
[sad music playing]
It flew away.
NEW SHIP:
Butt warmer engaged.
[whirring]
Ahh
I wish we'd never scuttled the old ship.
This new ship just can't replace it.
NEW SHIP: You know,
I can hear everything you're saying.
[spooky music playing]
And in tonight's
"News of the Supernatural,"
[echoing] ghost ships.
[echoing giggle]
[echoing] This whole segment
is beneath Morbo's journalistic dignity!
Captain Brannigan,
what's all this nonsense about
[echoing] ghost ships?
Well, Linda, sensors have detected
a phantom vessel in this quadrant,
but it's invisible to the nude eye.
We suspect pirates have
salvaged an abandoned vessel
and equipped it with cloaking technology.
But, if it is ghosts, rest assured,
Zapp Brannigan will blast
them out of existence!
Or back into it, I guess.
I saw that ghost ship!
It's our old ship!
But, nobody besides you is seeing it.
Explain that with your precious science.
I can't.
Look, I don't know how or why
Oh, there's a first.
but something important
went down with that ship.
Please, can we go back and see
if it's still where we sank it?
Well, I guess it couldn't hurt
to take another look.
- Come on, Bender.
- Ah-ah-ah.
[sighs] Bender One-Hand.
[lively music playing]
[sinister music playing]
[plasma sizzling]
We're approaching
the Graveyard of Ships.
[spooky voice]
Ooh
[yelps]
[roaring stop]
[dramatic sting]
[beeping, static]
Attention, unknown vessel.
Oh! Hello, Leela.
That's a hot new ship you're wearing.
Spare me the whatever that was.
What do you want?
An invisible ship's been
reported in this quadrant,
and my orders are to see
no one goes in or out.
Or not see them, if they're invisible.
Understood?
- Understood.
- Aw
And ignored.
[beeping]
[whooshing]
Oh, no, you doo-n't.
Kif, set course for follow that ship.
[dramatic music playing]
[ships roaring]
[whirring]
- Cloaking device activated.
- But, the graveyard's locked up.
- How are we gonna get in there?
- Pure dumb brute force.
Cloaking device, eh?
Kif, activate our cloaking device.
And spare me your,
[mocking]
"Eh, we don't have one."
[ship roaring]
[whirring]
Um, sir, the graveyard's locked up.
How are we going to get in there?
Kif, we're invisible now, remember?
- We'll simply pass right through the gate.
- Being invisible doesn't Oh jeez.
[metal creaking, smashing]
It's open! Full speed ahead!
NEW SHIP [scared]:
But it's dark in there,
and full of dead spaceships!
I said go!
[dramatic music playing]
♪
[buoys clanging]
[plasma zapping]
Okay, that's where our old ship sank.
But I see little, if any, wreckage.
That proves it became a ghost
and started haunting me.
There's no other rational explanation.
NEW SHIP: There are 38,651
other rational explanations.
[plasma whirring]
Keep your eyes peeled for anything
that looks remotely invisible.
[missile blast]
[beeping]
Incoming fire from that
empty spot over there, sir!
Playing hard to see, eh, Leela?
Return fire!
[missile blast]
Someone's firing at us!
And missing badly.
Sounds like Zapp. Return fire!
[beep]
- Firing!
- Firing!
- Fire more!
- Fire harder!
[missiles zapping, blasting]
[dramatic music playing]
[explosion]
Yes! We hit the Nimbus!
[ship creaking]
[splash]
Uh-oh.
We destroyed the Nimbus.
Look! An escape pod!
Ah, crap. Survivors.
We are in big trouble!
Uh Here, Bender.
Sit in the captain's chair.
[clang, whirring down]
NEW SHIP:
Butt warmer destroyed.
[beeping]
Attention, Leela, wherever you are.
We victoriously surrender
and triumphantly beg to come aboard.
[groans]
De-cloak the ship.
[mysterious music playing]
You win this round, Captain Leela,
but when the DOOP finds out
you destroyed the Nimbus
It wasn't me.
It was Captain Bender.
Nuh-uh!
Captain Bender One-Hand!
See? Look at that. Nothing.
[blast]
[alarm blaring]
- Hey, someone's still firing!
- Another invisible ship?
[explosion]
[crew yelling]
It's the ghost ship!
Let's get outta here!
No, Leela! Running away from
ghosts only encourages them.
It's the classic Jerry Lewis mistake.
I'm taking command.
Oh no, you aren't.
I'm captain of this ship.
Put up your
Oh Right.
Carry on, Captain.
[missile blasts]
[crew yelling]
There's only one way
to hit an enemy you can't see.
Fire an infinite number of missiles
in all possible directions.
But we have less than
an infinite number left.
- We have zero.
- Then we'll have to improvise.
Fire all the escape pods!
[dramatic music playing]
[missile blasts, explosion]
[all scream]
NEW SHIP: Hull breach imminent.
Quick! To the escape pods!
[Zapp whimpers]
[sighs]
[sniffles]
I guess this is the end again.
I don't mind dying,
as long as it's with you.
I'm just sorry we never
got a chance to be married.
[sniffles] Me, too.
Wait! A ship's captain can
marry people! [alarm blaring]
Please?
[gritted teeth] Captain?
[sniffles] But Leela,
I always hoped that we
- [normal] We what?
- [sniffles] Nothing.
I shall be happy to perform the ceremony.
♪
[missiles blasting]
[sobbing] Do you, Fry,
a delivery boy, for God's sake,
take Leela to be your wife?
[missile exploding]
I do.
And do you, Leela, who deserves better,
take Fry to be
and I mean a lot better
- to be your husband?
- [sniffling] I do.
[missile exploding]
If anyone knows any reason why
these two should not be wedded
doesn't have to be a good reason
- Bender One-Hand?
- Nah.
If two of the three of us
have to get married,
I'm glad it's them.
Then, I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
[explosion]
May I kiss the bride?
[gentle soaring music playing]
[muffled whimper]
[missile firing]
[Zapp sobbing loudly]
[missile approaching]
[explosion]
[wild cheering]
I'm blowing up enemies with friends!
I still don't get who those
weird ghost ships were.
- Or why they were attacking us.
- Who knows?
Ever since we went back for Fry
and sank with old Bessie,
this voyage has been
an incomprehensible nightmare,
drifting aimlessly in the sea
of all possible timelines.
Ooh, I like this one.
PROFESSOR: But this ship
wasn't ready to go just yet.
She was made of strong stuff,
and her wires were all the right lengths.
Before long, we had her
patched up and good as old.
[blowing]
I wanna thank you all.
I would've died if you hadn't risked
your lives and come back for me.
We were lucky.
It could've all turned out differently.
I was having some crazy visions.
Memories of things
I can't possibly remember.
Like what?
[Mutineer cover playing]
- Well, like this.
- Whoa! We look awful
but happy.
- What does it mean?
- I don't know.
Let's find out.
I was born to rock the boat ♪
Some may sink, but we will float ♪
Grab your coat, let's get out of here ♪
You're my witness,
I'm your mutineer ♪
Long ago, we laughed at shadows ♪
Lightning flashed, thunder followed ♪
They can never find us here ♪
You're my witness,
I'm your mutineer ♪