Doctor Who - Documentary s10e04 Episode Script

(NARRATOR READING) (SCREAMING) (ROARING) What is it, Jo? Come on.
(WHOOSHING) The Scope is good old-fashioned live entertainment.
When I first read The Carnival of Monsters, it was extraordinary, because although we've seen things of that nature subsequently, I had never read anything like people being trapped in a machine that was giving entertainment.
Although I think I spent the rest of my life like that.
I mean, it's an incredible concept that they are all inside this rather clunky-looking machine, run by a shifty old showman, you know, and his tatty glamorous assistant.
It's a lovely idea, and it's the sort of thing Bob would come up with.
Roll up and see the monster show! A carnival of monsters, all living in their natural habitat, wild in this little box of mine.
I've always felt that Bob Holmes was infinitely the best writer that we ever had on Doctor Who, and I'm quite proud of the fact that I sort of discovered him, and nursed him along in the early days, you see.
We really got on very well, you know.
By jingo, I've got it! - I know what this is.
- What? We're in a Miniscope.
Bob originally wanted to call the show Peep Show.
And those people on the ship are in a sort of a peep show? We felt that this was slightly indecent and might arouse expectations which were not gonna be met on Doctor Who.
Not then.
They might be these days, you know, but we were a very clean family show in those days, and we didn't want any double entendres.
I liked Bob Holmes' writing, and so when I decided to do one that year, I thought that I would probably do the one that Bob came up with.
He came up with a very good idea, and I thought, "That's great," so I pencilled myself in as director.
I would have wanted to direct that one.
I think he thought, "Oh, yes, this is a goody.
I'll do this one.
" 'Cause it was quite complex to do, so you needed to be pretty sure of where you were gonna go with it.
Initially Bob wanted to have the whole first episode on the boat, so that it will be a huge surprise when the giant hand came in.
You can see that that might work in some ways, but on the other hand, in terms of Who story structure, it's a lot better to cut to the mysterious alien strangers and have the audience intrigued about what's going on.
"Why am I seeing an alien planet, "and now, why am I seeing a boat in 1926?" And that, I think, created some sort of intrigue.
- Right, stand by.
- Standing by.
Shot 391.
The original idea with Carnival of Monsters was that we should have an all-studio show.
But as he developed it, and as we developed it, in our script conferences, it was obvious that we needed to go outside for all the sequences on the ship.
So, slightly reluctantly as a producer, but with great glee as a director, I said, "Okay, we'll expand it.
"Go ahead, Bob, you write what you want to do, "and we'll find the money somewhere.
" I don't think we did find the money.
I think we had an overspend.
Well, I've sailed into Shanghai 50 times, my girl.
(NARRATOR READING) The PA, Christopher D'Oyly John, was sent out, and he found this ship in the Medway called the Robert Dundas.
We all thought, "Lovely! We're going to be on a boat.
" It looked lovely in the distance, but as we got closer and closer to it, it became bigger and bigger, and we kind of suddenly realised that we're gonna have to get up there somehow.
An old ropey ladder came over the side, because this was an old boat, and we were supposed to climb up through that.
And then everybody wanted to go to the back of the queue, nobody wanted to go up first, 'cause we were all terrified.
Jon was in his absolute seventh heaven.
Boats, Jon.
And we were on this boat that was actually going to be scrapped.
We did actually ask whether we could take some souvenirs, and they said, "Yes.
" And then people started with their screwdrivers the second day, unscrewing little mementos.
Like, I got a little bathroom cupboard that was in one of the cabins.
Things like that, that were gonna go rotting, you know.
But then I think somebody went too far.
(ARGUING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) DICKS: The captain of the vessel, the chap in-charge, went and had a word with Barry, who said, "You know, this is a bit embarrassing, Mr Letts, "but amongst the fittings and the furnishings of the ship "is a valuable brass binnacle.
" Jon, who was a great collector, saw the ship's compass which was there.
Now, it's a highly collectable item, and they are beautiful.
Everything on this ship is being itemised and taken off to be sold for salvage, and the binnacle appears to have disappeared.
He didn't exactly slip it into his pocket, but he did manage to remove it.
Barry said, "I thought of Jon immediately.
" (LAUGHS) Jon tended to be a shade light-fingered.
He went and said to Jon, "Do you happen to know anything about the binnacle?" And Jon said, quite cheerfully, "Oh, yes, yes.
Well," he said, "I mean, it's a lovely thing isn't it? "And what a pity it should be taken away and scrapped.
" And Barry said, "Well, it's not quite like that.
"You know, they've got it on a list.
I'm afraid you'll have to hand it over.
" So Jon handed it over.
He soon 'fessed up that he had it, and was very, very apologetic.
- Don't you ever admit that you're wrong? - No.
I don't think he thought that he was doing anything wrong at all.
VORG: I'll switch back to circuit three.
There you are, you see? It's working perfectly.
Nothing wrong there.
(NARRATOR READING) On Carnival of Monsters, we did the filming, not only, obviously, on the boat, but we went to Tillingham Marshes.
It was really barren, and it looked fantastic.
But there was one time when I had to be put on a wooden platform, and I had to kneel on this wooden platform to look like I was sinking into the marshes.
Doctor, I'm stuck! And suddenly I was aware that there was nobody there.
I'm going, "Hello? Hello?" Can I tell you what it's like being on a little wooden platform in a marsh? It sort of goes (IMITATING GURGLING SOUND) like that.
And it (CONTINUES IMITATION) And so you can feel yourself go (IMITATING SUCKING) sinking into my impersonation of a marsh.
(LAUGHING) And they came back, and I remember Barry Letts saying, "Oh, my gosh.
We forgot all about you.
" What was that? (MONSTER SCREECHING) I don't know.
But it didn't sound very friendly.
Look! (ROARING) When you were reading about the Drashigs, which, of course I think Bob Holmes did a little tongue-in-cheek.
I think it was "dishrags", actually.
And the way that you can write something like that, you can write, you know, these massive teeth slathering and drooling, you know, the most threatening-looking things.
(ROARING) Actually, usually what was happening, there was something vaguely resembling a dishrag or a dishcloth in white being waved up in the air for my eye line.
So, you know, you'd be there (MIMICKING TERRORISED PANTING) doing all this, and this little white cloth being waved in front of you.
- (MONSTER ROARING) - Doctor! The Drashig monsters were one of the most scary and one of the most successful monsters, after the Daleks, that we had.
(ROARING) They weren't humanoid in any way.
They were so obviously a sea serpent.
And they were so obviously alive.
They moved.
They were alive.
They'd got real teeth and things.
(ROARING) I'd been in the department about three years, in my early twenties, and I was very young, and I was full of enthusiasm for it.
As soon as I read the script, I thought this was the sort of thing I'd really like to get my teeth into.
(ROARING) The thinking behind the design of the Drashigs was mainly that they were going to be a puppet.
Obviously, they had to.
We were not in the days of CGI, et cetera, et cetera, so it had to be some sort of puppet, which dictated to a great extent, how they would look.
And I knew I had to get an arm up the body of the creature, so that dictated it would be some sort of serpent shape.
There was a look about it of a slug, as well.
So, you then started thinking slime and trails and dripping saliva, et cetera, et cetera.
The crucial part of the Drashig is its head, obviously, and so we decided early on that we needed something pretty impressive to scare the wits out of children at 5:00 in the afternoon.
And we decided to get hold of some dog skulls.
Having got the dog skulls, I believe they were fox terrier skulls, and they worked really well 'cause the teeth were fantastic.
(SCREECHING) I was told when it was all over that the Drashigs had dog skulls in their heads, so they were real teeth.
The general public loved dogs so much that they'd think that we killed a lot of dogs to make our monsters, but, of course, that wasn't the case.
I'm sure if I was a dog and somebody said, "Can I use your skull for a Drashig?" I'd be very happy to let them do so.
In fact, they can have my skull when I'm gone! (LAUGHING) To make some monster with.
(SCREECHING) Obviously, the other essential part of the Drashigs was, "What do they sound like?" And Brian Hodgson had devised the sound for them.
The way it was done was by reversing a tape of a motorcar skidding around a corner, (SCREECHING) and I thought the sound was absolutely just right because it had the sort of lost quality to it.
(SCREAMING) Great heavens! The other puppet or model that appeared, puppet's probably the wrong word, model that appeared in the series is the plesiosaurus that is erupting alongside the boat.
- What's going on? - Some kind of monster.
(WOMAN SCREAMING) What the deuce is it? Fortunately, it was only seen briefly.
(LAUGHS) 'Cause I don't think it was the most successful thing.
I remember seeing it in the workshop and I think because it was such a tiny shot, such a small part of the budget, that obviously nothing like the attention to detail was lavished on it as was lavished on the Drashigs.
And I do think it shows.
It sort of erupts out of the water, has a quick look around, and disappears again.
Thank God for that, really.
(LAUGHS) Hello.
Topping day, what? One moves that the application be rejected.
- Opposed.
- Supported.
Yes, can we please keep it quiet, studio? We're trying to camera-rehearse.
(NARRATOR READING) - (GASPS) Doctor! - What is it? There's something alive over there.
There was one thing I learnt to do when I was very, very little which used to amuse everybody at school, and used to amuse Jon, 'cause I can do chicken noises with a smiling or a straight face, and you can't actually see that I'm doing it.
Chickens.
Greetings.
And you'd think that your whole life there was never, ever going to be any use for this noise that I could do.
And finally, there we are in Carnival of Monsters, and Jon says, "Ooh, chickens.
" And I went, "Yes!" So (GIGGLING) Jon said to me, "I think this is the moment "when your chicken noise is going to get its debut.
" (CLUCKING) (CLUCKING) - DOCTOR: Oh, Jo, do come on.
- Bye.
Thank you, Carnival of Monsters.
Thank you, Barry.
Thank you, chickens.
I actually got to do my chicken noises.
They're of limited intelligence.
DOCTOR: Come on.
It's fascinating.
Acting in this Scope set was amazing, but it was very slippery, and there I am in the platform boots, (LAUGHING) slipping and sliding around.
In rehearsals, if you can imagine Jon and I There was nothing, so Jon and I are crawling around, literally up each other's bottoms, so to speak, but it felt as if we were in the inside of a clock or a watch or something like that.
(NARRATOR READING) Everybody ready? Everybody happy? Allow me to introduce myself.
I am the Great Vorg.
And this beautiful young lady is Shirna, my assistant.
Cheryl Hall and Leslie Dwyer I thought were wonderful.
Hey, Vorg.
Well, well, well.
We're getting a crowd.
He was ex-carny.
He was a sort of vaudevillian character and a Londoner, so we immediately had a huge connection there.
(HUMMING) The tap dancing, for instance, was something that I put in and he was originally going to play the spoons, 'cause we did this little act where I said, "This is a good point, "I'll tap dance," and he said, "Oh, I can play the spoons.
" We put on a show.
You understand? No.
We cut the spoons because we thought maybe that was pushing it a bit too far.
Oh, dear.
Oh.
Top of the bill, he says! Received like princes, he says! We had the lovely Jim Acheson, who was doing his jolly best with a very small budget on costumes.
We saw drawings, the way you do at the beginning, which is generally the designer's first idea, and I thought, "Ooh! Little bit exposed, to say the least.
" But as the rehearsals went on, I remember Jim coming in with little bits of additions and saying, you know, "Well, we'll put this on here and we'll" And then the tights ended up with balls all over them as well.
Planets, obviously.
And then there was a huge necklace that was also little balls, so every time I saw him, there had been additions (LAUGHING) to the original design.
And, of course, the pièce de résistance was the balls coming out of my head which move about like (IMITATING BOUNCING BALLS) every time I move.
I wanted the bobbly bits that she got, and her bobbly tights.
They were just perfect.
Totally, totally credible sort of circus people, of course.
Jon, once again, was a great circus man himself.
He'd done all those tourings and things.
- You know, I do believe he's one of us.
- One of us? He's a Tellurian.
Of course, but I recognise the type.
He's in the carnival business, I'm sure.
I mean, look at his manner, and look at his clothes.
Don't forget that I've worked many a Tellurian fair ground.
You may be right.
He's certainly got the style.
(CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING) And I think he and Leslie Dwyer were old friends from sort of way back.
And the two of them got together and devised the wonderful little bit of carny-speak, which Barry Letts was a little apprehensive.
Polari the Carny? At that point, we were going so far over the top that we just had to go all the way.
You know what I mean? We couldn't stop.
But he understands the parlare.
- Listen to this.
- Eh? And he says, "Varda the Bona Palone?" That was it.
"Varda the Bona Palone?" "Varda de Bona Palone?" I'm sorry.
Which translated means, "Look at the pretty girl.
" I'm afraid I do not understand your language.
You understand, all right.
You're a showman the same as me, ain't you? (WARBLING) (NARRATOR READING) Amusement is prohibited.
It's purposeless.
Zarb is considering lifting that restriction.
You see, in rehearsals, of course, they weren't in costume or make-up.
Then when we went into the studio, of course, totally different, because there they were and they all became blue and grey.
The tribunal is arguing.
And quite nonsensically, if I may say so.
The tribunal will not tolerate insolence from unauthorised life forms! When I first put the costume on in the dressing room, the colours were not the sort of colours that I would have chosen for myself or that my wife would have approved of, particularly.
One simply speaks one's thoughts.
And your thoughts are as clear as your ambitions.
- How dare - Please! But the extraordinary thing was the colour of the face, which was bluish grey, with similar hair.
The temples were bald, and they put a sort of rubber, thin sort of latex rubber over that.
And when they came in with their full costumes, I have to say that Leslie and I were just hysterical.
We said, "Oh, this is not like it was in rehearsals, is it?" With these different colour faces and the little pink lips and things like that were very different.
But I loved them.
I loved the way they were so deadpan.
Very good.
You have eradicated him.
Oh, no, no, merely rendered him unconscious.
- But he will be disposed of? - Naturally.
And there were a lot of scenes where we were, I think, almost conspiratorially discussing what we should do.
The latest thinking is that the latest outbreak of violence among the Functionaries is caused through lack of amusement.
And then suddenly, we'd sort of Somebody would say, "But you must" (STIFLING LAUGHTER) "You must" "Please stop it.
We're trying to concentrate.
" (ROARING) - (MONSTER ROARING) - Sabotage! - Run for your lives! - This way! When the Drashig actually attacks Kalik in the original story, it picks him up and crunches him in its jaws.
Whenever we did model figures, they were always based on action men.
And I saw a brief clip of it on the outtakes, which unfortunately looks like an Action Man doll with all the Action Man joints, which, I can imagine, that's probably one of the reasons why it never made it to the finished programmes.
(GROWLING) - Queensberry Rules? - Naturally.
(DOCTOR WHO THEME) When the original theme tune was originally recorded, by Delia Derbyshire and Brian Hodgson between them, I talked to Brian sometimes, he said, "I would love to be able to do the theme tune again.
" And I thought, "Well, why not? Let's have a go.
" And sort of let Brian and Delia loose on the synthesiser and see what they could come up with.
(MODIFIED DOCTOR WHO THEME) Everybody who heard it didn't seem to like it very much.
And I think it was, in fact, our head of department who said, "What have you done with the theme tune? It sounds terrible.
" So we went back to the original.
But it does so happen that it was put onto two episodes that were transmitted in Australia.
Who did that? I don't know.
It was purely a mistake.
Well, that's it, then.
Disappointing ending, you know.
We are all extremely grateful to you.
Your valour will not be forgotten.
I have particular fondness for The Carnival of Monsters, partly because it was colourful, (CHUCKLES) in every way.
Our purpose is to amuse.
Simply to amuse.
Nothing serious.
Nothing political.
When you're doing a play or a telly or a film, if you're enjoying it, it comes over.
Bit of monster, bit of this, bit of that, and it worked terrifically well.
You know, I'm going to like it here.
You remind me of the Wallarians, you know.
They're great sportsmen too.
(LAUGHING) I don't think we need to worry too much about our friend Vorg, hmm? He'll probably wind up President! The final shot of Episode 4, I don't even think, when we shot, that I was aware that that was going to be the final shot.
I remember Barry saying to me, "I'm just going to do a pick-up shot "of you looking at Jon, looking at Doctor Who, "as, you know, he's going into the Tardis.
" (TARDIS WHOOSHING) And it's very flattering to have the last shot, I have to say.
Very nice.