American Horror Story s10e07 Episode Script
Take Me to Your Leader
1
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪
[DEAN MARTIN'S "THAT'S AMORE"]
♪
When the moon hits your eye ♪
Like a big pizza pie, that's amore ♪
♪
When the world seems to shine ♪
Like you've had too much wine ♪
That's amore ♪
♪
Bells will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪
Ting-a-ling-a-ling and you'll sing ♪
Vita Bella ♪
[BELL JINGLING]
Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay ♪
Tippy-tippy-tay
like a gay tarantella ♪
♪
When the stars make you drool ♪
Timothy! Come wash up for supper.
Your father will be home soon.
In a minute, Mom!
[BELL JINGLING]
With a cloud at your feet,
you're in love ♪
[WIND ROARING]
Mama! Dust devils!
- Bells will ring ♪
- Ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪
- Ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪
- And you'll sing ♪
Vita Bella ♪
Vita bell vita Bella ♪
- Hearts will play ♪
- Tippy-tippy-tay ♪
Tippy-tippy-tay ♪
ALL: Like a gay tarantella ♪
[RUMBLING]
When the ♪
[STATIC CRACKLING]
When you walk ♪
[EERIE MUSIC]
[RECORD PLAYING IN REVERSE]
♪
[BELL JINGLING]
Timmy.
Timmy! Timmy!
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪
Timmy!
Timmy!
[DIAL TONE HUMS]
Mommy? Please don't be afraid.
Timmy! Oh, my God, where are you?
[YELLS]
Timmy?
Mommy, please don't be afraid.
Take my hand, Mommy.
You don't have to be afraid.
♪
[WHISTLING JAUNTY TUNE]
Oh, honey, I'm so hungry
I could eat a horse.
Maria?
♪
Maria?
Maria.
[SCREECHING]
♪
[CHILLING MUSIC]
♪
You're awful quiet today, Mr. President.
Oh, come on, guys.
And for the umpteenth time, Ike.
Came here to be with friends,
not subordinates.
Right, and you're
supposed to be relaxing, Ike.
So what is it? Korea? McCarthy?
Mamie won't let you eat off TV trays?
[CHUCKLES]
No, it's just a little question I have.
So why is it I can land
150,000 soldiers in Normandy
[GROANS]
But I can't put one lousy ball
in one lousy hole?
I'd give anything for that answer.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Mm.
And they say you're not a deep thinker.
Ah, they're probably right.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Uh-oh.
Looks like you're "Mr. President" again.
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
♪
We need to speak, Mr. President.
It's urgent.
[SIGHS]
Excuse me, fellas.
There's been an incursion
into U.S. airspace.
Vehicle was shot down by an interceptor
just north of Edwards Air Force base.
Was it the Russians?
We don't think so, sir.
Then excuse me, fellas.
♪
Ugh, I'm telling you.
Bet it was the duck that
they served from the hunt.
Bit into some buckshot
and cracked a tooth.
That was two nights ago.
Why is this the first
I'm hearing about it?
Well, I didn't want to, uh,
spoil the dinner and worry you.
There's a doctor at the base.
I'm sure he can put a cap on it.
So you're driving to an air force base
to see a dentist.
If I go into if I go into town
for any kind of medical procedure,
it'll set off the press,
and you know how those boys are.
What's going on, Ike?
[POP MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
Who are you going to see?
Now, don't look at me as if
I have no right to ask you that.
We both know not all of your secrets
have to do with national security.
I'm just gonna go see
a man with a drill.
That's all.
One year in office,
and you still can't lie
to save your life.
I suppose I should be proud of you.
I'll see you tomorrow.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
We still can't identify the vehicle.
It's not one of ours, that much we know.
We have managed to locate a body.
A body?
Was pretty messed up in the crash.
Can't tell what it is.
Sir, if I may,
there's still a concern about radiation.
Mother of God.
♪
[DEVICES WHIRRING AND CLICKING]
[GEIGER COUNTER CRACKLING]
Show me.
Looks like a child.
Get it back to the base.
Is this site secure?
Nothing's getting in or out.
We have two King 40s
on their way from Edwards
to haul this thing away.
♪
Well, we can safely say
it's not the Russians
or the Chinese
or the Boy Scouts of America.
No, sir.
And now we have ourselves
a new question.
Why?
Why is it here?
Sir!
You need to see this!
♪
It's okay.
It's it's okay.
It's okay. We're here to help.
Who are you?
Can you tell me your name?
My name
Is Amelia.
Amelia?
Amelia Earhart.
♪
Our plane was approaching
Howland Island.
We were having trouble with our RDF.
We couldn't get a signal.
It was very weak.
I told Fred we must have blown a fuse,
but he said it was working, so.
[CHUCKLES]
Keep going, Amelia. It's important.
We maintained our heading,
but Howland Island,
it just wasn't there.
There was just ocean.
We couldn't understand it.
And then all our instruments,
they went
[SIGHS] They went crazy.
All of the dials, they were just
Just spinning.
We couldn't make sense of anything.
We were going down.
And then everything went white.
It was like we flew into the sun.
And that's all.
Well, that's all I remember.
And those marks on your body,
how did you get those?
[SIGHS]
- Needles.
- Needles?
Needles. I don't like needles.
I don't trust them, but they insisted.
They said that it was important,
that it wouldn't hurt, but it did.
Sometimes they took my blood;
sometimes they
Put things inside me.
Who?
Amelia, who did this to you?
Where am I?
You're in an American air force base
in California, Miss Earhart.
You're safe here.
My name is Dwight Eisenhower,
and I'm the President
of the United States.
You're a liar. Franklin
Roosevelt is president.
What am I doing here?
What am I doing here? What's going on?
Where's Fred?
Where's Fred? I want to talk to Fred.
Please, I want to talk to him.
Please, please, I want to talk to Fred.
Fred!
Where's Fred? No, please. No.
Fred! I want to talk to Fred!
I want to talk to Fred!
You're not Americans!
You're not American!
Fred! You're not Americans!
I'm fine, I'm fine.
[AMELIA SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
No, get it away from me!
Please, no more, no more!
[SOBBING]
What'd you find out?
Miss Earhart's fingerprints
are still on file with the FBI,
but it's gonna take at least a day
to get a comparison.
I think we both know
what the results will be.
Sir, Amelia Earhart disappeared in 1937.
Nearly 20 years ago.
She'd be almost 60.
Mamie used to keep
a photo of her in her office.
She worshipped the woman.
I saw that photo practically every day.
That that's Amelia Earhart.
She's sedated, Mr. President.
Whatever she needs, she gets.
Understood.
Uh, there's something else, sir.
While you were speaking to her,
we got back
a preliminary serum analysis.
And?
The patient, uh,
she's two months pregnant.
How's that even possible?
Never mind.
The body they recovered
from the crash site,
have they started on it yet?
They're about to, sir.
♪
[FILM REEL CLICKING]
Mr. President, they're starting.
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
♪
There's nothing here.
No internal organs at all.
It's like some kind of shell.
What does that mean?
How can it be empty?
[SOFT CHITTER]
What was that?
[SOFT CHITTER]
Give me the lamp.
Be careful, Tom.
[CHIRP, ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Wait.
[YELLING]
Somebody get in here!
Mr. President.
Somebody get in there and help that man!
[ALARM BLARING]
Mr. President, I need you to follow me.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Hold your fire!
Lower your weapons.
Whoever you are,
wherever you come from,
I implore you
Stop what you're doing.
Stop?
Whatever it is that you want,
I'm sure we can come
to an understanding.
Reach an agreement.
I have the power to do that.
I'm the President of the United States.
And this world, it's been trying
to destroy itself for as long
as I can remember,
and we don't need any more help,
so I'm asking you,
stop the killing
and just listen to me.
Mr. President,
it is you who will listen to us.
Uh, do you have Juyondai Ryusen?
Um, I don't think so. Is it on the menu?
I don't see it, no,
but you probably wouldn't.
It's super high end, the kind of thing
the owner would have hidden in the back
for those in the know.
How about Niizawa Super 7?
Not if it's not on the menu.
Sorry. [LAUGHS]
I I did a term in Japan this year,
and I, uh, got a little spoiled
with the sake.
Just bring me a bottle of Tatsuriki,
but wait until
my friends arrive to serve it.
I don't want it losing its chill.
[EERIE MUSIC]
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
There she is!
God, you're so beautiful.
- I've missed you.
- You look so good.
Mm! [LAUGHS]
- Hey! Where's Jamie?
- Parking the car.
Oh, thank you.
- There she is.
- There she is.
Wow. Also looking stunning.
Hi!
- Hi.
- You look beautiful.
Oh, thank you, guys.
God. Hi.
- Hello.
- Yeah, well, thank you.
We did it.
And what is this?
It's not the best,
but it's the best they got.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- To summer.
- ALL: To summer.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Guys.
- It's so good to see you guys.
- Right?
The gang is back together.
It's the first summer all
together since college started.
- Ugh.
- Ugh. I blame myself.
Why did I say yes
to those stupid internships?
Wasting my summers away getting coffee
for douchebag Facebook execs
and congressmen
with 16-year-old girlfriends.
- Ew.
- I blame Cal too.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Seriously, though, guys,
I missed you so much.
This year's been so stressful
applying to med schools
while going back and forth from home
to help my mom with my dad.
Ah, yeah. How is he?
- Cancer sucks.
- I'm so sorry, Kenny.
It's fine. No sad stuff tonight.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Yes.
What's everyone's update?
Uh, y
we're fucking.
Okay, we are more than fucking.
We are dating.
- Oh, what?
- What?
Kendall, honey, come on.
- You didn't know?
- [TROY AND CAL LAUGH]
- Um, Troy took my virginity.
- And how was it?
I mean, yeah, it was terrible,
but I thought that was
due to lack of experience,
not lack of interest in vagina.
We didn't act on it
until we got to Princeton
and we roomed together.
Those dorms were small.
First, you know,
you jack off at the same time,
but in the dark,
and then you just
start doing it together,
and before you know it,
you're late for your
Great Thinkers of Enlightenment Class
because you have your best
friend's dick in your mouth.
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.
Do your parents know?
I thought Orthodox Jews
weren't down with the gays.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
We, uh, we hired Cal to be
our Shabbos goy
since we've both been home from school
so I can sneak him into the house.
Shabbos goy?
Oh, so, um.
You know, Jews aren't allowed
to use any electronics
during the sabbath,
so you hire a gentile
to turn lights off and on
or turn the stove on or
- drive to the store.
- No.
My Shabbos goy.
- But you have sex on Saturday.
- Yes.
That doesn't seem kosher.
Yeah, well, I only bottom on Saturday.
That way, he's the only one
doing any work.
- Oh, my gosh.
- [CAL AND KENDALL LAUGH]
That's cute. Hmm.
You okay?
Something isn't right about you.
Yeah, you said no sad stuff tonight.
I didn't mean it like that.
- I met a guy.
- Mm.
Most wonderful guy.
He's brilliant, and we were, like,
already in love, you know,
on our first date,
and, um, it was perfect.
Um, but then we got home,
and we fooled around
Micropenis?
- No.
- Definitely not.
Um, but he, uh
he didn't have a condom,
so, like, we didn't have sex,
so he just went down on me,
and then just jerked off on my tits.
Uh, but when his
his stuff, like, hit my skin,
it felt like, uh, acid.
Fuck!
You're allergic to his man juice?
Seminal plasma hypersensitivity.
She has a reaction
to the proteins in his semen.
God, is there something
she could take for that?
Like, take a Benadryl
before they bang or something?
No, there's nothing we can do.
- Ugh.
- No.
Hey, this sucks, but I promise you,
we are gonna make sure that
by the end of this summer,
you'll totally forget about this dude
and his venomous jizz.
This summer is going to be party!
- Party!
- Whoo!
- Party, baby.
- Come on.
- Cheers.
- [LAUGHTER]
[PHONES CHIMING]
You guys, we're an hour
into our summer reunion,
and you're already all more
interested in your phones?
Put them away.
All right, Mom.
Do you feel that?
That tension that comes up inside
when you think about
putting your phones away?
It's called "nomophobia",
as in "no mobile phone phobia".
That is not a real thing.
It is, and it's a leading cause
of anxiety in young people.
It's why I joined
the Luddite Club at Harvard.
I'm cured of the curse of technology.
Yeah, okay.
I was taking a class called
50 Years of Technology,
all about how the human race
has had more technological advances
in the last 50 years
than in the previous 20,000 combined.
Well, the truth is that
if we took someone
from the second century B.C.,
and we drop him
in the 14th century A.D., well,
they're gonna adapt pretty quickly.
All right, and you ask someone
from the 1970s
to live in 2021, they're gonna
have a nervous breakdown.
See, guys, we've
advanced technologically
far faster than, well,
our brains or our emotions can adapt.
He was brilliant,
so I asked if I could
pick his brain after class.
[BOTH PANTING]
[INQUISITIVE MUSIC]
He was so calm and centered
and anxiety-free.
He explained that it was because
he wasn't a slave to technology.
He didn't have a computer
or a smartphone
- or even the Internet.
- Hold up.
Is this why we could only
call you on a landline?
Yes I'm a proud member
of the Luddite Club.
Yeah, the original Luddites
were 19th-century
English textile workers
who would destroy
their textile machinery
as a protest to all the machines
that they thought could do the work
that humans should be doing.
So you're saying you don't
use any tech at all?
I mean, I have to write
my papers on a computer,
but I do all my research at the library,
and all my teachers know I can't
be contacted through email.
Okay, Kendall, I love you.
Shut up. I respect you.
But that Adam guy must have
a 10-inch dick,
because that is the
dumbest shit I've ever heard.
Technology is awesome.
You wanna be a doctor.
What would medicine be
without robotic surgeries
or MRI machines?
Or HD video, GPS. Uber fucking Eats.
Okay, look, I know
we can't avoid it forever,
but you have to believe me.
It's the biggest relief
to be free from it,
just for a little while.
Do you remember that camping trip
our parents took us on
when we were all, like, eight?
ALL: Yeah.
And no phones or iPads
or anything allowed?
Wasn't that the most fun
we've all had together?
Yes, it was fun.
Let's at least do this
camping trip like that.
Just see how good it feels
not a full break,
just a vacation from it.
Mm, at least I won't be
checking my phone
- to see if he's texted me.
- [GASPS]
Can we get one of those
Bedouin tents in Joshua Tree?
- [GASPS]
- Ooh, glamping.
So are we all in?
[SIGHS] To a, uh, Luddite summer?
ALL: To a Luddite summer!
[FUNKY MUSIC]
[BLONDIE'S "RAPTURE"]
♪
Okay. I'm all set. Let's go.
We can go when you take
your phone out of your pocket.
- What?
- Huh?
What's in your pocket?
- I don't have my
- What do you have in there?
- Nothing.
- Huh? Huh? Huh?
Okay, all right, okay, fine.
I know you so well, babe.
Yeah, but, like [GROANS]
Fuck.
Wall to wall ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
And they're stepping lightly ♪
[GASPS] You guys!
Oh!
- Sweet.
- Wow!
- Oh.
- Oh, wow!
All night.
Back to back ♪
Sacroiliac ♪
Spineless movement ♪
And a wild attack ♪
♪
Face to face ♪
Sightless solitude ♪
And it's finger popping ♪
24-hour shopping ♪
In rapture ♪
♪
Almost there.
Are you sure we're going the right way?
I feel like we're not going
the right way.
Yes. It's right around
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
This wasn't here before.
From the looks of it, babe,
this has been here
since God was a child.
No, no, no, it this was
there was a pond here yesterday.
Yeah, I think we just
got turned around or something.
I told you we shouldn't
be following him.
You know he has
a shit sense of direction.
But I like the view.
I can hear you fuckers.
♪
Uh, you guys, I think we should go back.
If we go right up here
Oh, my [SNIFFS]
Oh, my God, what is that smell?
It smells like something died.
Can we not do this right now?
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
What the fuck?
- Someone mutilated them.
- How?
I mean, look look at them.
There aren't any pools of blood.
- Kendall, don't.
- Kendall.
This is a really bad idea.
♪
If they were cut with a saw or a knife,
there'd be blood everywhere.
- [COW MOOS]
- [GASPS]
[JAMIE AND KENDALL SCREAM]
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Come on!
Kendall, come on!
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
Okay, come on, guys.
It's gonna be dark soon.
- The road is
- A road without lights
is still safer than sleeping here
with the Bovine Butcher
on the loose, so.
I still don't understand, like, how.
They were mooing!
Those half fucking cows
were fucking mooing.
- Come on!
- Hurry up!
Maybe it was just, like, the wind
whistling through
their carcasses or something.
♪
How far to the next town?
An hour at least.
- Oh, my God, Cal!
- I'm sorry!
I can't see a damn thing!
I hate driving at night.
- Well, then why are you?
- I can't; it's Saturday.
Okay, well, let one of us drive then.
Be my guest.
- [ENGINE CHUGGING]
- [TIRES SCREECH]
- Cal, Cal, why are you braking?
- I'm not doing anything.
I don't know. I don't know
what's happening.
- What the fuck?
- Oh, my God.
- I'm not doing anything.
- Cal, did you turn the car off?
- No, I didn't!
- What are you doing?
Wait, guys do you hear that?
[SILENCE]
All the crickets stopped.
[EERIE MUSIC]
- Oh, my God.
- What the hell is that?
[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]
Is it a helicopter?
♪
Oh, Jesus.
[MACHINERY HUMMING]
Where's it going?
Fuckin'
Go. Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Guys, it won't start!
- Go now! Call for help!
We don't have phones, Kendall!
The the car does!
- Come on, come on.
- What is that?
- Come on!
- Come on.
[SCREAMS]
[ALIEN CHITTERING]
- Help!
- No, no, no, no, no!
No!
♪
[WOLF HOWLS]
Hey.
- Hmm. Hmm.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I don't know.
- What was that?
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
There was a light.
I didn't imagine that.
Wait.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Where's Jamie?
[BRAKES SCREECHING]
Oh, my God, Jamie! Oh, my God, Jamie!
How did you get out of the car?
- I didn't.
- Her pulse is racing.
- She's
- She's leaving with us.
- Come on.
- Let's go. You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
We need to get the fuck out of here.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
- You're driving.
- So?
It's Saturday.
We were all put in different seats.
What the fuck? You're right.
- How is that possible?
- I don't care!
I just wanna go home.
♪
It wasn't drugs.
Nobody was high.
Well, I don't know, it sure sounds
like hallucination.
I mean, mooing half cows?
Sure no one decided
to spike the Kool-Aid?
Hey, what about your friend Nino?
- He seems like the type.
- His name is Cal.
And what the hell does that mean?
It's just the way you talk about him.
You know, he's always on.
I mean, he has to show off
to demonstrate his power.
I never said any of that. [SIGHS]
I remember seeing this TV show
when I was a kid
that talked about lost time.
It had something to do
with alien abduction,
but I can't remember everything.
Can't I just borrow my parents' computer
and Google it just this once?
Yeah, I mean, sure,
as long as you're okay saying
that you only believe in something
as long as it's convenient for you.
It's a slippery slope, Kenny.
All right, look,
you should eat something.
Uh, leafy greens, lean protein.
No drunk food.
Not sure my stomach is up for that.
I'm feeling a little queasy.
Well, you gotta stay hydrated.
What about some soup?
Yeah, I can, uh, I can
send you some ramen
from that place that
[EERIE MUSIC]
Kendall?
[LINE TRILLS]
Hello?
Kendall?
Uh, I feel like shit.
I've been puking all afternoon.
Me too.
Did we not cook that bacon enough?
Mm-mm, no, if it was food poisoning,
we would've felt better
after we threw up.
I've only felt like this one other time,
and I was 19, remember?
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
You think we're pregnant?
That's not possible.
I mean, it's technically possible.
Adam and I have a lot of sex.
But I'm on the pill.
And, uh, the only guy
I've been with lately
almost killed me with his cum.
I'm not saying that it's likely;
I'm just saying that this
is what it feels like when you are.
Adam thinks maybe the boys
dosed us with something.
Do you think they had sex
with us or something
and we don't remember?
No, no, absolutely not.
Okay, um, I'm coming over,
but I'm gonna stop
by the drug store first.
See you in a few.
[RETCHING]
[TOILET FLUSHING]
[GROANS]
[COUGHS]
Oh, baby.
Baby, when's the last time
I ate your ass?
I don't know, like, a week ago?
I think I have Giardia again.
What the fuck is Giardia?
It's when you eat ass
My ass is always spotless.
And you get infected
with invisible microbes
or some shit.
It's very common; I got it once
senior year of high school.
When you were on the down-low
with the quarterback,
you ate the quarterback's ass?
[CHUCKLES] Often, yes.
And vice versa.
[GROANS] But yes.
I got Giardia from Kyle,
and I felt so sick and
so nauseous for weeks.
And I had to take a test
from our family's doctor,
and it came back positive for Giardia.
What did you do?
Well, I was mortified.
I lied and I said that
I ate some unwashed fecal fruit
or some shit.
- [LAUGHS]
- What'd you have to take?
Flagyl.
Awful, but it went away after a week.
Okay.
- Mm.
- I love you.
I love you.
- Uh.
- What?
- Oh, my God.
- What?
- Troy?
- Oh, my God.
- What's wrong?
- I don't feel so good.
[EERIE MUSIC]
It's not possible.
Give me your phone.
Just give it to me.
Jesus, what are you looking up?
- Alien abductions.
- Pfft.
Don't give me that look.
When all reasonable explanations
have been eliminated
You decide it's aliens? Hmm?
There has to be a rational
- explanation for this.
- Like what?
I secretly have two uteruses
my ob-gyn hasn't noticed until now?
I've developed the ability
to asexually reproduce?
There have been stories about
this kind of thing for decades.
Some of them seem pretty credible.
There's so much information out there.
Stories about lost time
and alien experimentation on humans.
Betty and Barney Hill in 1961.
You know, some people think
Amelia Earhart was abducted.
"Close Encounters" was not
a documentary, Kendall.
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
Hey, guys.
Guys, we've been puking all day.
I keep craving weird shit
like vanilla yogurt with barbecue chips,
but when I eat it, I can't keep it down.
How's your chest?
Like I've been punched
in the tits by Tyson.
What? No! It's not possible.
What?
I need you guys to do something for me.
This is so dumb.
Men can't get pregnant!
Just shut up.
Something's happening on mine.
Holy shit. What does that mean?
It means all four of us are pregnant.
♪
♪
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪
[DEAN MARTIN'S "THAT'S AMORE"]
♪
When the moon hits your eye ♪
Like a big pizza pie, that's amore ♪
♪
When the world seems to shine ♪
Like you've had too much wine ♪
That's amore ♪
♪
Bells will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪
Ting-a-ling-a-ling and you'll sing ♪
Vita Bella ♪
[BELL JINGLING]
Hearts will play tippy-tippy-tay ♪
Tippy-tippy-tay
like a gay tarantella ♪
♪
When the stars make you drool ♪
Timothy! Come wash up for supper.
Your father will be home soon.
In a minute, Mom!
[BELL JINGLING]
With a cloud at your feet,
you're in love ♪
[WIND ROARING]
Mama! Dust devils!
- Bells will ring ♪
- Ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪
- Ting-a-ling-a-ling ♪
- And you'll sing ♪
Vita Bella ♪
Vita bell vita Bella ♪
- Hearts will play ♪
- Tippy-tippy-tay ♪
Tippy-tippy-tay ♪
ALL: Like a gay tarantella ♪
[RUMBLING]
When the ♪
[STATIC CRACKLING]
When you walk ♪
[EERIE MUSIC]
[RECORD PLAYING IN REVERSE]
♪
[BELL JINGLING]
Timmy.
Timmy! Timmy!
[EERIE MUSIC]
♪
Timmy!
Timmy!
[DIAL TONE HUMS]
Mommy? Please don't be afraid.
Timmy! Oh, my God, where are you?
[YELLS]
Timmy?
Mommy, please don't be afraid.
Take my hand, Mommy.
You don't have to be afraid.
♪
[WHISTLING JAUNTY TUNE]
Oh, honey, I'm so hungry
I could eat a horse.
Maria?
♪
Maria?
Maria.
[SCREECHING]
♪
[CHILLING MUSIC]
♪
You're awful quiet today, Mr. President.
Oh, come on, guys.
And for the umpteenth time, Ike.
Came here to be with friends,
not subordinates.
Right, and you're
supposed to be relaxing, Ike.
So what is it? Korea? McCarthy?
Mamie won't let you eat off TV trays?
[CHUCKLES]
No, it's just a little question I have.
So why is it I can land
150,000 soldiers in Normandy
[GROANS]
But I can't put one lousy ball
in one lousy hole?
I'd give anything for that answer.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Mm.
And they say you're not a deep thinker.
Ah, they're probably right.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Uh-oh.
Looks like you're "Mr. President" again.
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
♪
We need to speak, Mr. President.
It's urgent.
[SIGHS]
Excuse me, fellas.
There's been an incursion
into U.S. airspace.
Vehicle was shot down by an interceptor
just north of Edwards Air Force base.
Was it the Russians?
We don't think so, sir.
Then excuse me, fellas.
♪
Ugh, I'm telling you.
Bet it was the duck that
they served from the hunt.
Bit into some buckshot
and cracked a tooth.
That was two nights ago.
Why is this the first
I'm hearing about it?
Well, I didn't want to, uh,
spoil the dinner and worry you.
There's a doctor at the base.
I'm sure he can put a cap on it.
So you're driving to an air force base
to see a dentist.
If I go into if I go into town
for any kind of medical procedure,
it'll set off the press,
and you know how those boys are.
What's going on, Ike?
[POP MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
Who are you going to see?
Now, don't look at me as if
I have no right to ask you that.
We both know not all of your secrets
have to do with national security.
I'm just gonna go see
a man with a drill.
That's all.
One year in office,
and you still can't lie
to save your life.
I suppose I should be proud of you.
I'll see you tomorrow.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
We still can't identify the vehicle.
It's not one of ours, that much we know.
We have managed to locate a body.
A body?
Was pretty messed up in the crash.
Can't tell what it is.
Sir, if I may,
there's still a concern about radiation.
Mother of God.
♪
[DEVICES WHIRRING AND CLICKING]
[GEIGER COUNTER CRACKLING]
Show me.
Looks like a child.
Get it back to the base.
Is this site secure?
Nothing's getting in or out.
We have two King 40s
on their way from Edwards
to haul this thing away.
♪
Well, we can safely say
it's not the Russians
or the Chinese
or the Boy Scouts of America.
No, sir.
And now we have ourselves
a new question.
Why?
Why is it here?
Sir!
You need to see this!
♪
It's okay.
It's it's okay.
It's okay. We're here to help.
Who are you?
Can you tell me your name?
My name
Is Amelia.
Amelia?
Amelia Earhart.
♪
Our plane was approaching
Howland Island.
We were having trouble with our RDF.
We couldn't get a signal.
It was very weak.
I told Fred we must have blown a fuse,
but he said it was working, so.
[CHUCKLES]
Keep going, Amelia. It's important.
We maintained our heading,
but Howland Island,
it just wasn't there.
There was just ocean.
We couldn't understand it.
And then all our instruments,
they went
[SIGHS] They went crazy.
All of the dials, they were just
Just spinning.
We couldn't make sense of anything.
We were going down.
And then everything went white.
It was like we flew into the sun.
And that's all.
Well, that's all I remember.
And those marks on your body,
how did you get those?
[SIGHS]
- Needles.
- Needles?
Needles. I don't like needles.
I don't trust them, but they insisted.
They said that it was important,
that it wouldn't hurt, but it did.
Sometimes they took my blood;
sometimes they
Put things inside me.
Who?
Amelia, who did this to you?
Where am I?
You're in an American air force base
in California, Miss Earhart.
You're safe here.
My name is Dwight Eisenhower,
and I'm the President
of the United States.
You're a liar. Franklin
Roosevelt is president.
What am I doing here?
What am I doing here? What's going on?
Where's Fred?
Where's Fred? I want to talk to Fred.
Please, I want to talk to him.
Please, please, I want to talk to Fred.
Fred!
Where's Fred? No, please. No.
Fred! I want to talk to Fred!
I want to talk to Fred!
You're not Americans!
You're not American!
Fred! You're not Americans!
I'm fine, I'm fine.
[AMELIA SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
No, get it away from me!
Please, no more, no more!
[SOBBING]
What'd you find out?
Miss Earhart's fingerprints
are still on file with the FBI,
but it's gonna take at least a day
to get a comparison.
I think we both know
what the results will be.
Sir, Amelia Earhart disappeared in 1937.
Nearly 20 years ago.
She'd be almost 60.
Mamie used to keep
a photo of her in her office.
She worshipped the woman.
I saw that photo practically every day.
That that's Amelia Earhart.
She's sedated, Mr. President.
Whatever she needs, she gets.
Understood.
Uh, there's something else, sir.
While you were speaking to her,
we got back
a preliminary serum analysis.
And?
The patient, uh,
she's two months pregnant.
How's that even possible?
Never mind.
The body they recovered
from the crash site,
have they started on it yet?
They're about to, sir.
♪
[FILM REEL CLICKING]
Mr. President, they're starting.
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
♪
There's nothing here.
No internal organs at all.
It's like some kind of shell.
What does that mean?
How can it be empty?
[SOFT CHITTER]
What was that?
[SOFT CHITTER]
Give me the lamp.
Be careful, Tom.
[CHIRP, ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
Wait.
[YELLING]
Somebody get in here!
Mr. President.
Somebody get in there and help that man!
[ALARM BLARING]
Mr. President, I need you to follow me.
[TENSE MUSIC]
♪
Hold your fire!
Lower your weapons.
Whoever you are,
wherever you come from,
I implore you
Stop what you're doing.
Stop?
Whatever it is that you want,
I'm sure we can come
to an understanding.
Reach an agreement.
I have the power to do that.
I'm the President of the United States.
And this world, it's been trying
to destroy itself for as long
as I can remember,
and we don't need any more help,
so I'm asking you,
stop the killing
and just listen to me.
Mr. President,
it is you who will listen to us.
Uh, do you have Juyondai Ryusen?
Um, I don't think so. Is it on the menu?
I don't see it, no,
but you probably wouldn't.
It's super high end, the kind of thing
the owner would have hidden in the back
for those in the know.
How about Niizawa Super 7?
Not if it's not on the menu.
Sorry. [LAUGHS]
I I did a term in Japan this year,
and I, uh, got a little spoiled
with the sake.
Just bring me a bottle of Tatsuriki,
but wait until
my friends arrive to serve it.
I don't want it losing its chill.
[EERIE MUSIC]
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
There she is!
God, you're so beautiful.
- I've missed you.
- You look so good.
Mm! [LAUGHS]
- Hey! Where's Jamie?
- Parking the car.
Oh, thank you.
- There she is.
- There she is.
Wow. Also looking stunning.
Hi!
- Hi.
- You look beautiful.
Oh, thank you, guys.
God. Hi.
- Hello.
- Yeah, well, thank you.
We did it.
And what is this?
It's not the best,
but it's the best they got.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- To summer.
- ALL: To summer.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Guys.
- It's so good to see you guys.
- Right?
The gang is back together.
It's the first summer all
together since college started.
- Ugh.
- Ugh. I blame myself.
Why did I say yes
to those stupid internships?
Wasting my summers away getting coffee
for douchebag Facebook execs
and congressmen
with 16-year-old girlfriends.
- Ew.
- I blame Cal too.
[ALL CHUCKLE]
Seriously, though, guys,
I missed you so much.
This year's been so stressful
applying to med schools
while going back and forth from home
to help my mom with my dad.
Ah, yeah. How is he?
- Cancer sucks.
- I'm so sorry, Kenny.
It's fine. No sad stuff tonight.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Yes.
What's everyone's update?
Uh, y
we're fucking.
Okay, we are more than fucking.
We are dating.
- Oh, what?
- What?
Kendall, honey, come on.
- You didn't know?
- [TROY AND CAL LAUGH]
- Um, Troy took my virginity.
- And how was it?
I mean, yeah, it was terrible,
but I thought that was
due to lack of experience,
not lack of interest in vagina.
We didn't act on it
until we got to Princeton
and we roomed together.
Those dorms were small.
First, you know,
you jack off at the same time,
but in the dark,
and then you just
start doing it together,
and before you know it,
you're late for your
Great Thinkers of Enlightenment Class
because you have your best
friend's dick in your mouth.
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait.
Do your parents know?
I thought Orthodox Jews
weren't down with the gays.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
We, uh, we hired Cal to be
our Shabbos goy
since we've both been home from school
so I can sneak him into the house.
Shabbos goy?
Oh, so, um.
You know, Jews aren't allowed
to use any electronics
during the sabbath,
so you hire a gentile
to turn lights off and on
or turn the stove on or
- drive to the store.
- No.
My Shabbos goy.
- But you have sex on Saturday.
- Yes.
That doesn't seem kosher.
Yeah, well, I only bottom on Saturday.
That way, he's the only one
doing any work.
- Oh, my gosh.
- [CAL AND KENDALL LAUGH]
That's cute. Hmm.
You okay?
Something isn't right about you.
Yeah, you said no sad stuff tonight.
I didn't mean it like that.
- I met a guy.
- Mm.
Most wonderful guy.
He's brilliant, and we were, like,
already in love, you know,
on our first date,
and, um, it was perfect.
Um, but then we got home,
and we fooled around
Micropenis?
- No.
- Definitely not.
Um, but he, uh
he didn't have a condom,
so, like, we didn't have sex,
so he just went down on me,
and then just jerked off on my tits.
Uh, but when his
his stuff, like, hit my skin,
it felt like, uh, acid.
Fuck!
You're allergic to his man juice?
Seminal plasma hypersensitivity.
She has a reaction
to the proteins in his semen.
God, is there something
she could take for that?
Like, take a Benadryl
before they bang or something?
No, there's nothing we can do.
- Ugh.
- No.
Hey, this sucks, but I promise you,
we are gonna make sure that
by the end of this summer,
you'll totally forget about this dude
and his venomous jizz.
This summer is going to be party!
- Party!
- Whoo!
- Party, baby.
- Come on.
- Cheers.
- [LAUGHTER]
[PHONES CHIMING]
You guys, we're an hour
into our summer reunion,
and you're already all more
interested in your phones?
Put them away.
All right, Mom.
Do you feel that?
That tension that comes up inside
when you think about
putting your phones away?
It's called "nomophobia",
as in "no mobile phone phobia".
That is not a real thing.
It is, and it's a leading cause
of anxiety in young people.
It's why I joined
the Luddite Club at Harvard.
I'm cured of the curse of technology.
Yeah, okay.
I was taking a class called
50 Years of Technology,
all about how the human race
has had more technological advances
in the last 50 years
than in the previous 20,000 combined.
Well, the truth is that
if we took someone
from the second century B.C.,
and we drop him
in the 14th century A.D., well,
they're gonna adapt pretty quickly.
All right, and you ask someone
from the 1970s
to live in 2021, they're gonna
have a nervous breakdown.
See, guys, we've
advanced technologically
far faster than, well,
our brains or our emotions can adapt.
He was brilliant,
so I asked if I could
pick his brain after class.
[BOTH PANTING]
[INQUISITIVE MUSIC]
He was so calm and centered
and anxiety-free.
He explained that it was because
he wasn't a slave to technology.
He didn't have a computer
or a smartphone
- or even the Internet.
- Hold up.
Is this why we could only
call you on a landline?
Yes I'm a proud member
of the Luddite Club.
Yeah, the original Luddites
were 19th-century
English textile workers
who would destroy
their textile machinery
as a protest to all the machines
that they thought could do the work
that humans should be doing.
So you're saying you don't
use any tech at all?
I mean, I have to write
my papers on a computer,
but I do all my research at the library,
and all my teachers know I can't
be contacted through email.
Okay, Kendall, I love you.
Shut up. I respect you.
But that Adam guy must have
a 10-inch dick,
because that is the
dumbest shit I've ever heard.
Technology is awesome.
You wanna be a doctor.
What would medicine be
without robotic surgeries
or MRI machines?
Or HD video, GPS. Uber fucking Eats.
Okay, look, I know
we can't avoid it forever,
but you have to believe me.
It's the biggest relief
to be free from it,
just for a little while.
Do you remember that camping trip
our parents took us on
when we were all, like, eight?
ALL: Yeah.
And no phones or iPads
or anything allowed?
Wasn't that the most fun
we've all had together?
Yes, it was fun.
Let's at least do this
camping trip like that.
Just see how good it feels
not a full break,
just a vacation from it.
Mm, at least I won't be
checking my phone
- to see if he's texted me.
- [GASPS]
Can we get one of those
Bedouin tents in Joshua Tree?
- [GASPS]
- Ooh, glamping.
So are we all in?
[SIGHS] To a, uh, Luddite summer?
ALL: To a Luddite summer!
[FUNKY MUSIC]
[BLONDIE'S "RAPTURE"]
♪
Okay. I'm all set. Let's go.
We can go when you take
your phone out of your pocket.
- What?
- Huh?
What's in your pocket?
- I don't have my
- What do you have in there?
- Nothing.
- Huh? Huh? Huh?
Okay, all right, okay, fine.
I know you so well, babe.
Yeah, but, like [GROANS]
Fuck.
Wall to wall ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
And they're stepping lightly ♪
[GASPS] You guys!
Oh!
- Sweet.
- Wow!
- Oh.
- Oh, wow!
All night.
Back to back ♪
Sacroiliac ♪
Spineless movement ♪
And a wild attack ♪
♪
Face to face ♪
Sightless solitude ♪
And it's finger popping ♪
24-hour shopping ♪
In rapture ♪
♪
Almost there.
Are you sure we're going the right way?
I feel like we're not going
the right way.
Yes. It's right around
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
This wasn't here before.
From the looks of it, babe,
this has been here
since God was a child.
No, no, no, it this was
there was a pond here yesterday.
Yeah, I think we just
got turned around or something.
I told you we shouldn't
be following him.
You know he has
a shit sense of direction.
But I like the view.
I can hear you fuckers.
♪
Uh, you guys, I think we should go back.
If we go right up here
Oh, my [SNIFFS]
Oh, my God, what is that smell?
It smells like something died.
Can we not do this right now?
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
♪
What the fuck?
- Someone mutilated them.
- How?
I mean, look look at them.
There aren't any pools of blood.
- Kendall, don't.
- Kendall.
This is a really bad idea.
♪
If they were cut with a saw or a knife,
there'd be blood everywhere.
- [COW MOOS]
- [GASPS]
[JAMIE AND KENDALL SCREAM]
- No, no, no, no, no!
- Come on!
Kendall, come on!
♪
[TENSE MUSIC]
Okay, come on, guys.
It's gonna be dark soon.
- The road is
- A road without lights
is still safer than sleeping here
with the Bovine Butcher
on the loose, so.
I still don't understand, like, how.
They were mooing!
Those half fucking cows
were fucking mooing.
- Come on!
- Hurry up!
Maybe it was just, like, the wind
whistling through
their carcasses or something.
♪
How far to the next town?
An hour at least.
- Oh, my God, Cal!
- I'm sorry!
I can't see a damn thing!
I hate driving at night.
- Well, then why are you?
- I can't; it's Saturday.
Okay, well, let one of us drive then.
Be my guest.
- [ENGINE CHUGGING]
- [TIRES SCREECH]
- Cal, Cal, why are you braking?
- I'm not doing anything.
I don't know. I don't know
what's happening.
- What the fuck?
- Oh, my God.
- I'm not doing anything.
- Cal, did you turn the car off?
- No, I didn't!
- What are you doing?
Wait, guys do you hear that?
[SILENCE]
All the crickets stopped.
[EERIE MUSIC]
- Oh, my God.
- What the hell is that?
[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]
Is it a helicopter?
♪
Oh, Jesus.
[MACHINERY HUMMING]
Where's it going?
Fuckin'
Go. Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
- Guys, it won't start!
- Go now! Call for help!
We don't have phones, Kendall!
The the car does!
- Come on, come on.
- What is that?
- Come on!
- Come on.
[SCREAMS]
[ALIEN CHITTERING]
- Help!
- No, no, no, no, no!
No!
♪
[WOLF HOWLS]
Hey.
- Hmm. Hmm.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I don't know.
- What was that?
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
There was a light.
I didn't imagine that.
Wait.
[TENSE MUSIC]
Where's Jamie?
[BRAKES SCREECHING]
Oh, my God, Jamie! Oh, my God, Jamie!
How did you get out of the car?
- I didn't.
- Her pulse is racing.
- She's
- She's leaving with us.
- Come on.
- Let's go. You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay.
We need to get the fuck out of here.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
- You're driving.
- So?
It's Saturday.
We were all put in different seats.
What the fuck? You're right.
- How is that possible?
- I don't care!
I just wanna go home.
♪
It wasn't drugs.
Nobody was high.
Well, I don't know, it sure sounds
like hallucination.
I mean, mooing half cows?
Sure no one decided
to spike the Kool-Aid?
Hey, what about your friend Nino?
- He seems like the type.
- His name is Cal.
And what the hell does that mean?
It's just the way you talk about him.
You know, he's always on.
I mean, he has to show off
to demonstrate his power.
I never said any of that. [SIGHS]
I remember seeing this TV show
when I was a kid
that talked about lost time.
It had something to do
with alien abduction,
but I can't remember everything.
Can't I just borrow my parents' computer
and Google it just this once?
Yeah, I mean, sure,
as long as you're okay saying
that you only believe in something
as long as it's convenient for you.
It's a slippery slope, Kenny.
All right, look,
you should eat something.
Uh, leafy greens, lean protein.
No drunk food.
Not sure my stomach is up for that.
I'm feeling a little queasy.
Well, you gotta stay hydrated.
What about some soup?
Yeah, I can, uh, I can
send you some ramen
from that place that
[EERIE MUSIC]
Kendall?
[LINE TRILLS]
Hello?
Kendall?
Uh, I feel like shit.
I've been puking all afternoon.
Me too.
Did we not cook that bacon enough?
Mm-mm, no, if it was food poisoning,
we would've felt better
after we threw up.
I've only felt like this one other time,
and I was 19, remember?
[UNSETTLING MUSIC]
You think we're pregnant?
That's not possible.
I mean, it's technically possible.
Adam and I have a lot of sex.
But I'm on the pill.
And, uh, the only guy
I've been with lately
almost killed me with his cum.
I'm not saying that it's likely;
I'm just saying that this
is what it feels like when you are.
Adam thinks maybe the boys
dosed us with something.
Do you think they had sex
with us or something
and we don't remember?
No, no, absolutely not.
Okay, um, I'm coming over,
but I'm gonna stop
by the drug store first.
See you in a few.
[RETCHING]
[TOILET FLUSHING]
[GROANS]
[COUGHS]
Oh, baby.
Baby, when's the last time
I ate your ass?
I don't know, like, a week ago?
I think I have Giardia again.
What the fuck is Giardia?
It's when you eat ass
My ass is always spotless.
And you get infected
with invisible microbes
or some shit.
It's very common; I got it once
senior year of high school.
When you were on the down-low
with the quarterback,
you ate the quarterback's ass?
[CHUCKLES] Often, yes.
And vice versa.
[GROANS] But yes.
I got Giardia from Kyle,
and I felt so sick and
so nauseous for weeks.
And I had to take a test
from our family's doctor,
and it came back positive for Giardia.
What did you do?
Well, I was mortified.
I lied and I said that
I ate some unwashed fecal fruit
or some shit.
- [LAUGHS]
- What'd you have to take?
Flagyl.
Awful, but it went away after a week.
Okay.
- Mm.
- I love you.
I love you.
- Uh.
- What?
- Oh, my God.
- What?
- Troy?
- Oh, my God.
- What's wrong?
- I don't feel so good.
[EERIE MUSIC]
It's not possible.
Give me your phone.
Just give it to me.
Jesus, what are you looking up?
- Alien abductions.
- Pfft.
Don't give me that look.
When all reasonable explanations
have been eliminated
You decide it's aliens? Hmm?
There has to be a rational
- explanation for this.
- Like what?
I secretly have two uteruses
my ob-gyn hasn't noticed until now?
I've developed the ability
to asexually reproduce?
There have been stories about
this kind of thing for decades.
Some of them seem pretty credible.
There's so much information out there.
Stories about lost time
and alien experimentation on humans.
Betty and Barney Hill in 1961.
You know, some people think
Amelia Earhart was abducted.
"Close Encounters" was not
a documentary, Kendall.
[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]
Hey, guys.
Guys, we've been puking all day.
I keep craving weird shit
like vanilla yogurt with barbecue chips,
but when I eat it, I can't keep it down.
How's your chest?
Like I've been punched
in the tits by Tyson.
What? No! It's not possible.
What?
I need you guys to do something for me.
This is so dumb.
Men can't get pregnant!
Just shut up.
Something's happening on mine.
Holy shit. What does that mean?
It means all four of us are pregnant.
♪
♪