Midsomer Murders (1997) s10e07 Episode Script
They Seek Him Here
MAN: No! Please, no! No! No! Please! No! No! (CONTINUES WAILING) CHEERING BOOING (WAILS) No! No! MAN: Cut! Cut.
OK, reset, everybody.
Reset.
We're running out of blood.
BLEEPS I've got something interesting, sir.
I'm tailing George Ince.
BARNABY: George Ince? Really? 'Yeah, it's definitely him.
' That is not good news.
With a bit of luck, he'll drive onto someone else's patch.
And he's heading towards Midsomer Magna.
Then, Jones, it falls to us to protect the wealthier citizens of Midsomer from Mr Ince's thieving ways.
(CLEARS THROAT AND MUTTERS TO HIMSELF) How does this sound? "It is a little-known fact that, in 1905, the Hungarian aristocrat and writer, Baroness Orczy, was a guest of Lord Fitzgibbon at Midsomer Magna Manor.
" What's wrong? Neville, don't.
Please.
You could have let me finish.
You were going to say the woman who wrote the Scarlet Pimpernel based the character of Sir Percy Blakeney on Lord Fitzgibbon, who owned Magna Manor at the turn of the last century.
Wellyes.
We know she never went near the place, never mind met his Lordship.
WE know that.
Given that they're filming that very book in the grounds of the manor, don't you think it'll be a tad obvious to everyone else? You're right.
The occasional embellishment to the history of a place, I mean, everyone does that.
But Terence Charteris had no right to ask you to lie to blatantly.
If I don't play along, I lose the job.
Where else am I going to find work in Midsomer Magna? They're still hiring extras on the film.
You could have a dip back into the business, for old times' sake.
You obviously don't know who's directing this film.
Who? Nick Cheyney.
Quiet, everyone.
Three, two, one, drop! Cut it! And, action! CHEERING Cut it.
Nick, these execution scenes - I know, I know.
Enough blood to float an abattoir.
I'll get special effects to turn it down.
Good grief, no.
If anything, we need more blood.
Buckets of the stuff.
Know your audience.
It's not as if you're directing an art-house movie, is it? Ah, Jones.
So, Mr Ince is here.
They're opening the place to the public, sir.
Apparently, it's got historic connections with the French Revolution.
Doing a film, aren't they? The Scarlet Pimpernel.
What you might call a remake of a remake of a remake.
Yes, Joyce mentioned something about it.
Where is he now? Parked up round the side.
Your informant has got to be right about Ince setting up a job.
What other interest could he have in a stately home? Maybe he's come for a dose of culture and a guided tour.
Although George prefers to guide himself round places like this.
And usually by torchlight when there's no-one else about.
Let's find out what he's up to.
'Three, two, one, drop.
Cut it.
Action.
' CROWD CHEERS Something else not right about that scene.
Enlighten me.
Not enough peasants.
You want me to reshoot? Oh, God, no.
But for future scenes, you'll need more crones and hags.
Crones and hags.
I'll see what I can conjure up.
Don't make hard work of it.
An area like this must be overrun with yokels and inbreds.
Why don't you try the local old folks' home.
They'll come cheap.
'And drop.
' There he is.
Look who he's with.
Jed Norris! Talk about thick as thieves, eh? No, leave it, leave it.
You'll get nothing from him.
A word with Mr Norris might prove more useful.
I can see exactly why you're going for this heritage scam.
Do you have to use that word? I'm joking, Diane.
No, I mean it certainly looks like an authentic historical pile.
From what I gather it's getting more authentically historical by the day.
(LAUGHS) Got a man working on it.
Local historian.
Historian? Oh, you don't need one of them.
Dip into Hans Christian Andersen.
He was good with fairytales.
Listen, Terence I'm not sure how much more I can take of Jack Braxton.
The man's a philistine.
Ooh! You want the producer sacked, you'll have to clear that with Diane.
Why's that? Because they're very good friends.
I didn't even know you knew him.
He's being facetious.
I don't understand.
It may have escaped your notice, but this marriage is on the rocks.
We're just trying to hold things together till we get the business off the ground.
So you and Braxton are er Close.
(SNORTS) Ah! Well, even so.
He's a hatchet man.
Known for it.
He's the producer.
Money men have to be like that.
We want this film to look as good as possible, don't we? I meandon't we? Look, Nick I know you see this as a chance to get your career back on track, but to us it's just business, OK? Right, wellthanks for putting me in the picture.
I'd better get back to set.
Actors to execute.
I'll see you both tomorrow night, then.
Keep up the good work.
I don't know how you can bear that man in the house after the way he's treated our daughter.
How do you think Leonie feels about this? Diane, there's family and there's business.
Right now, the family business is in trouble.
We need Nick Cheyney.
So Leonie's just gonna have to lump it.
All right? Hello, Jed! I didn't think you were due for release just yet.
Parole.
Good behaviour.
Ah! Well, congratulations.
Yeah, I think they needed the cell space.
I'm telling you, overcrowding in prisons is criminal.
So it's not somewhere you want to rush back to? Never again.
I can't handle any more.
So why the meeting with George Ince? It wasn't a meeting.
I just happened to bump into him.
Small world (!) What's he doing here? You don't ask people like George their business.
No, you don't.
Nasty piece of work.
So what are you doing at Magna Manor? I'm working here.
You? Work! That's right.
Big laugh! Excuse me.
Thank you.
No meeting between Jed Norris and George Ince is coincidental.
Get hold of the management here.
If anything untoward happens, I want to know about it.
Sir.
Can you get over to the props boys? (GROANS) Nick, erm, these are the old folk from The Cedars.
Crones and hags.
As ordered.
Right.
Well, get them fitted out with rags.
I want them on set at eight tomorrow morning.
Some of them are over 80, Mr Cheyney.
(SIGHS) Nine, then.
It's a bit late.
We've gotta get the costumes ready Nick? Gwen? Gwen Morrison? You do remember me.
Always! But, uh Well, it must be what erm No! No, not that long, surely.
Well, I've lived in this village for 15 of them.
Ever since Ted died.
Ted died? So you're umon your own, then? No, no.
I live with Neville.
You remember Neville.
(LAUGHS) Of course! Neville! I might've known he'd still be around.
Listen, darling, I really can't talk now but, er I'll catch you later, all right? Gwen Morrison.
WOMAN: Excuse me! Excuse me! It's not as though you're asking me to update the history of the Manor.
That is exactly what I'm asking you to do.
But what you want is pure fantasy.
Erm Your point? It's not ethical.
And it shouldn't be part of my remit as Events Organiser of the Manor.
(SNORTS) Don't flatter yourself.
Part-time tour guide was all you were ever gonna be.
Were? I need to get this place open to the public ASAP.
Till then, I'm just haemorrhaging money.
So I can't afford to have losers like you holding me back.
Go on, you're fired! What're you waiting for? Right, bye.
How come you're at Gwen's? It was a bit chaotic today.
Ooh, sounds exciting.
It was.
We were up at The Cedars on charity shop business when someone came round from the film unit to recruit the old folk as extras.
They need more "crones and hags".
Crones? They actually used those terms? Not that any of us minded.
Most of us are thrilled to bits to be in The Scarlet Pimpernel.
Us? Gwen and I volunteered to be chaperones, so we thought we might as well be extras too.
Following in your daughter's footsteps, eh? MOBILE PHONE RINGS Oh, hello, Neville.
Jones? 'Sir, report of a prowler, Magna Manor.
' You think it could be Ince? 'Looks like it, sir.
' Right, get yourself some back-up.
I'll be right there.
DOOR CLOSES Well, I challenged him and he fired me.
A week before the place is due to open to the public? I've picked up on what's happening.
Terence Charteris may live in a manor house, but he's a barrow boy out of his depth.
He's over-stretched himself and he's about to go under.
I don't think he could afford to pay me.
Well, no great loss, if you ask me.
I mean, why not sign up as an extra? He's round the back somewhere.
Right, Jones, off you go.
I have to tell you if he's the man we think he is, he has a history of violence.
Your husband's not out looking for him, is he? My husband's gone out for the evening.
Police! Stop! SIREN BLARES Gotcha! Oi! What's going on? Better late than never.
Diane, what is going on? A prowler.
Prowler? Where? Standing in front of you! Don't be ridiculous - he's the security guard! Since when? A couple of days ago.
Oh, well, thank you for telling me.
Then why did you run away? I didn't know who you were.
I shouted "police".
Anybody could do that.
Security guard for the Manor? And for the film set.
Made sense, him keeping an eye on things over.
So I had a word with Jack Braxton.
Who's he? The film's producer.
Jed Norris, a security guard? Talk about putting the fox in charge of the hen house.
Our friend Ince must be involved in this.
That producer needs to know what he's taken on.
OK, where's your Mum.
Come on, Leonie.
OK, I'm coming.
Taketake that one.
You know Gwen's got a job as an extra on this film, so I'm on my own in the charity shop today.
Oh, hello! I was watching that Nick Cheyney on set all day yesterday.
What? You didn't say anything to him? Danny, please.
You promised.
Leave him to me.
I want Cheyney out of our lives, Leonie.
For good.
Sirfive years ago, when Ince was on remand, he and Norris were briefly in Causton Jail together.
They're old acquaintances.
And Mr Norris has just conned his way into a security job.
Pull him in for questioning, sir? Jed's not really in the same league as Ince, is he? Just, er, cut him a bit of slack, keep an eye on him.
George Ince is the man we really want and if Jed Norris can lead us to him, well, that'd be a result.
Come on, Gwen.
You'll get the old folk fired if I don't get them to the set on time.
Why don't you help Joyce with the old folk today? I'll stay here and look after Josh.
No, thanks.
I'm not going anywhere near that film set.
Come on, we're out of here.
Let's say bye to Auntie Gwen.
Bye! Bye, Josh.
Bye, Leonie.
Bye.
Right Right! MAN: All right! Mind your backs! Out the way, please! And you! Joyce! Aristos to the carriage, please.
Costume checks, please.
So, you say this guy Norris has got form? Just a bit.
What do you recommend? I'd like you to keep him on.
At least then we'll know where he is during the shoot.
And, between you and me, he might prove a useful lead to someone else we want to keep tabs on.
Suits me.
He has all the qualifications I need.
He's cheap.
What? Tight budget, this film? (LAUGHS) Like a tourniquet.
We'd have half a chance if someone other than that clown of a director was calling the shots from behind the camera.
But you're the producer, aren't you? I mean, don't you appoint the director? I do.
And ordinarily I wouldn't touch Nick Cheyney.
But he brokered the deal that got us this location for free.
Knows the people who own the Manor.
Ah, Mr And Mrs Charteris.
Friends of yours? No, we don't move in the same social circles.
Lucky you.
The wife's OK, her husband's a complete philistine.
The people we have to get into bed with to get a movie made.
Figure of speech.
Mrs Barnaby looks very fetching in that red cap, sir.
Peasants behind the cart, thank you! Now, I need you to start in line with the arch, all right? Can we get some quiet, please, and a bit of concentration? All right, now, the Let's just have a look, love, OK? The rider's gonna come galloping in down here, all right? Can we finish checks now, please? Rider comes galloping in, gives you the news from Paris.
Get out of here, no time to lose.
Barbarous hordes on their way.
Now, you're horrified but dignified.
Remember, you're French aristocrats.
That's all right.
Can we get the coats off, please? Quieten down! Can we get the coats off now! Coats off, Nigel! Going for a take.
Right.
Going for a take! All right, standing by for a take.
Turn over! Speed! Sound running! Mark it! Background action! Andaction! Go! Go! Go! And stop! And run back! Go! CAR HORN: ODE TO JOY What the hell is that?! Cut! Cut! And we've cut there, we've cut! Reset! Reset! First positions, everybody.
I know that car.
It can't be! Throw him off the set.
'Scuse me, 'scuse me! You can't park here! Ah, Nick! Hope I didn't disturb anything.
No-one makes an entrance quite like Raymond Clandillon.
Dying art, I'm afraid.
I try to keep it going.
Just passing? No.
Thought I'd stop for a while.
Get involved.
Yeah, well I'm afraid the film's already cast.
I know.
According to this there's not a D-list celeb or clapped out sports star to be found anywhere.
You've got them all.
So no room for you, then.
Oh, you can squeeze me in, for old time's sake.
And what makes you think I want a disruptive old queen like you anywhere near my film? I've given up the booze.
Really? Smell my breath.
I'd rather not.
I need this.
Oh, what the hell.
We go back a long way, don't we? Oh, thanks, Nick.
Show him where wardrobe is.
He can be the cart driver.
Reload! Reload, please! Are you offering me work as an extra? Take it or leave it.
OK.
And if you so much as look at a bottle of booze Can we do that again? And this time, if it's not too much trouble, can you get the timing right? First positions, please! Raymond? Oh! Is that you? In the flesh! Come here, you! Oh! What a wonderful, wonderful surprise.
I don't know about you, but a Christmas card every year hasn't been enough.
I wanted to see what you looked like after 17 years.
Well, you haven't changed.
Gwen! Oh, all right.
A bit frayed round the edges.
But the car's still immaculate.
Well, of course.
I cherish her.
If there was but one room at the Inn, I'd gladly stay out in the cold and let her have shelter for the night.
You might have to.
Hello, Raymond.
Neville.
The Magna Hotel's full to bursting.
I take it you are staying? I am.
I saw that they were shooting this film in your neck of the woods and thought it would be the ideal opportunity to catch up with you.
I didn't realise we'd all be working on it.
You've got a part? Sort of.
Must dash.
Have to get changed.
Raymond.
That's for the extras.
I know.
Hasn't that made your day? Working as an extra? God, that must be so humiliating for him.
And in a film directed by Nick Cheyney.
All aristos and peasants back on set in 15 minutes! All right! What the hell's he still doing in your life? I always sign our Christmas cards from both of us.
You knew he was still living with me.
But why? You don't owe him anything.
Ted's dead.
You're under no obligation to look after his brother.
I know that.
So why would you want your brother-in-law lurking about the place? Particularly when you're well, you know.
What? Trying to entertain.
Do you mean sex? Yes.
It must be hard enough to come by in a dead and alive hole like this.
Oh, I've lost interest in all that.
You? I don't believe it! You go without something long enough, you get used to it.
Then we'll have to get you unused to it.
Oh, yeah? And what are you going to do about it, you old poof? Oooh! That's my Gwen! CHATTER You look as though you need that.
Well, I know how Sisyphus felt.
Is that a medical complaint? Character in Greek mythology.
Had to push a boulder up a hill.
Couldn't relax or it would roll back and crush him.
I'll keep 'em coming, then.
Nah, I've gotta go to the Manor.
Dinner with the producer.
Oh.
You likely to be late? I hope not.
Why? Well, I'll wait up.
We can sink a few then.
Good man.
Well, I'll drink to that.
Oh, I was erjust saying.
Drink later on, when you get back from dinner? Oh, I thought you meant just the two of us.
Oh, I Very nice of you to include me.
Don't worry Nick, I've got other plans.
I'm sure you have.
Can I help you, sir? You certainly can.
I have spent the last 30 years coming out of the closet, and you have put me back into one.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
I want a bigger room.
Taxi for Mr Cheyney.
Through there, to the left, peasants' bar.
I'll check on the computer.
All right? Have you ridden with this guy before? No.
Why? From the look he was giving you, I assumed you'd forgotten to tip him.
Oh, no, my darling.
Leave it, please.
Well, it's me or Danny.
Well, does it have to be either of you, just now? He's got to be confronted.
So, I was thinking as an added attraction for the great unwashed we might open the place to the public while you're filming.
I can't have the public around while I'm trying to work.
Then get your arse into gear.
You're a jobbing director, not Fellini.
We can't afford to finance your fantasies.
Leonie.
Ah, your gorgeous daughter! Leonie, please.
This is a business meeting.
It's neither the time nor the place.
It's always about what you want, isn't it? Must never jeopardise the deal.
Diane, see our daughter out, will you? I'm sorry? You seem to have mistaken me for one of the hired help.
Besides, I don't think she's ready to go yet.
Oh, I am! Don't you even think about coming anywhere near me or my child.
MY child.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Am I being threatened? Yes.
You are.
I seem to have lost my appetite.
Yeah, well, I'll come with you.
You're the reason I'm leaving.
Sorry, Nick.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
Hands off my grandson, Nick, or I'll see you dead.
VEHICLE APPROACHES ENGINE STOPS AND DOORS OPEN DISTANT RAISED VOICES I promised Leonie I'd stay out of this, but if you go anywhere near her or Josh Good God! Even the taxi driver's threatening me now.
Is the whole bloody village in on this? No.
Just me.
And just what has it got to do with you? I'm Leonie's partner.
Partner?! (LAUGHS) How PC! Well, partner or not, you have no rights where Josh is concerned, but I have.
So if I choose to get closer to my son .
.
there's nothing you can do to stop me.
Oh, there is! VAN DOOR SLAMS AND ENGINE STARTS (CRIES OUT) Hi, George.
What have you got here? Dead five or six hours.
Cause of death, head separated from the body.
Now, that's where we benefit from having an expert on the job.
That's enough from you.
(SIGHS DEEPLY) It's Nick Cheyney.
The film's director.
You know him? I saw him yesterday.
When he was in one piece.
Well, we don't have to look far for the murder weapon.
If it was murder.
Really? There's no sign of a struggle and only Mr Cheyney and Mr Braxton held keys to the safety lock.
You think it could be suicide? Except there's no sign of his key.
Who found him? The security guard.
Jed Norris.
I spoke to him.
Mr Cheyney.
He came looking for me.
What for? Wanted me to get lost for an hour.
I have to say, I didn't expect to see him again last night.
Again? Yeah.
He'd been to dinner at the Manor.
Big bust up.
I could hear them arguing from outside and the looks they were giving him when he left.
Who? Mr and Mrs Charteris, their daughter, Mr Braxton Even the cab driver.
Was he alone on the set when you saw him? Oh, yeah.
That's what made it all a bit creepy.
In what way? He was so drunk he was barely conscious.
So someone drove him there.
I never heard him arrive.
I mean, car, dead of night.
You'd hear it.
But I didn't.
Here, listen, could I have a strong coffee? This place is giving me the creeps.
Turning sensitive in your old age, Jed? Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right, don't worry about me.
I'm only the one who found the head in the basket.
Did you find it? You know I did.
Or did you put it there? No, no, no, no, no, no! I'm not having that.
I mean, I might have a bit of form but I'm not a violent man.
Check my record.
We know your record, Jed.
What about George Ince? Ince was nowhere near this place last night.
Far as I know.
All right, Jed, go get yourself that coffee.
Thanks.
What about Ince? He's a violent man.
Yeah, but he's a robber first and foremost.
And if Cheyney had disturbed him during a break-in, he would have attacked him without a thought.
But he wouldn't have had to chop his head off.
You know, Jones, under the circumstances, this is not an ideal interview room.
Who was at the dinner party last night? It was a working dinner.
Just the three of us.
The three of you? Me, Nick and Jack Braxton.
Mrs Charteris, you weren't there? No, no.
It was a business meeting.
Although she did make an entrance with our charming daughter.
Leonie turned up unexpectedly.
She left early.
After doing her best to ruin the evening.
Why would she want to do that? Because she's my daughter.
Do you have children, Chief Inspector? How can you even ask that? Do you know, you and Nick Cheyney are two of a kind.
What's that supposed to mean? You're both MOBILE PHONE RINGS .
.
lousy fathers! Jones? Oh, steady on, Sergeant.
That's a high-quality piece of furniture you're knocking about there.
Priceless, in fact.
Sorry.
It was a wrong number.
I understand you're planning to open the Manor as a heritage site, sir? That's right.
Turns out the old place is groaning with history.
Priceless, eh? Yeah, well, not literally, but pretty close.
Certainly irreplaceable.
Mr Charteris did Braxton and Cheyney leave together? No, they left separately.
They don't have much time for one another.
And what state was Mr Cheyney in when he left? Well, he'd had a drink.
What does that mean, precisely? It means he was drunk.
And objectionably so.
That's Nick.
As though that makes it acceptable.
LookI suppose there's no way of stopping this, Chief Inspector? I'm sorry? All the negative publicity.
Oh, that is not my department, I'm afraid.
Mrs Charteris, what did you do after Mr Cheyney left? I had an early night.
(SNORTS) Jones, what was all that about the furniture? We are investigating a suspicious death and you're going on about a flaming cupboard.
Because it was a fake.
How do you know? My grandad was a cabinet maker.
He was a what? He was a master cabinet maker.
So he'd know all about dodgy cupboards? All I'm saying is that cupboard was far from irreplaceable.
Ironic, isn't it? An every-expense-spared production and the cheap old prop we had made up to look like a guillotine actually works.
But you want to know if you can carry on filming, yeah? I was thinking more along the lines of when.
How're you gonna find a new director at such short notice? On our budget, we won't! Although Cheyney wasn't being paid, his indulgent style of shooting was costing us a fortune.
Not being paid? He was on a profit-sharing agreement.
That's how desperate we both were.
No, I will take over as director.
Will you? You seem very pleased at the prospect.
Mr Braxton, is there someone who can confirm where you were at the time of Nick Cheyney's death, like Mrs Charteris? What are you implying? Mrs Charteris - she called us out a couple of nights ago to investigate a prowler.
She said she was just about to go to bed.
So? Well, her husband was out.
Your car was at the front door.
OK.
Diane Charteris and I spent last night together too.
So you are each other's alibis for the time of Nick Cheyney's death? Mm.
Thank you.
You can carry on filming.
But only because I want to keep everyone together for the sake of this investigation.
Thank you, Mr Braxton.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS Freddie.
Morning, sir.
Nick Cheyney.
He was staying here, wasn't he? That's right.
I heard him come back last night.
Only he didn't.
I'm sorry, you've lost me.
He'd been for dinner at the Manor.
We'd arranged to have a drink when he got back.
Well, I heard Danny's taxi pull up outside.
Danny? Who's Danny? Danny Twyman.
He's a nice lad.
Runs a local minibus.
And you recognised his voice.
Yeah.
They were having an argument.
About what? I couldn't hear.
Didn't last long, though.
Danny drove off and I was expecting Cheyney to come into the hotel.
He didn't.
What do you think happened to him? We know what happened.
We're trying to work out why.
(WOMAN SNIFFS AND SOBS) We knew him when he first started out.
He was a louse even then.
What a waste of life.
What a wicked waste of life.
Fortunately his own, this time.
TOY SQUEAKS Nick Cheyney - where did you drop him off last night? Outside the Midsomer Magna Hotel.
We have a witness who heard raised voices.
We had a row over the fare.
Asked if I took credit cards.
As if! So you didn't drive him to the film set? No way.
He'd already had one ride for free.
See anyone else while you were driving around the Manor? Only Jed Norris hanging around.
How long have you known Miss Charteris? We were students together, on a drama course in London.
Before she was pregnant? I'm not Josh's dad, if that's what you're asking.
I'd like to be.
That's why I followed her back to Midsomer Magna.
To help her make the break.
The break from what? Her dad.
Lets her live here rent-free but he's a control freak.
Is that what she argued with him about last night? Or had she gone there to confront Nick Cheyney? Well, she didn't like the man.
Well, neither does her mother.
Is that because Nick Cheyney is the father of Leonie's child? Yes.
Yes, he was.
So they were in a relationship? He came to our college as a visiting lecturer.
The only relationship they had was the sort that happens after a 50p-a-pint night in the student bar.
You come and give your Auntie Gwen a big cuddle.
Gwen, you ought to go home.
I can manage here.
Are you sure? Cos I really do feel dreadful.
It's fine.
Really.
Good morning.
Tom.
Gwen.
Miss Charteris.
You've come to see me? Yes, yes, we have.
I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby and this is Detective Sergeant Jones from Causton CID.
Miss Charteris, I understand that you were at a dinner with Mr Nick Cheyney last night and you had an argument.
A blazing row would be more accurate.
Look, Danny's phoned me.
Has he? Then he will have told you that we know that Nick Cheyney was Josh's father? What? Oh, God! Are you OK? No, I'm all right.
Please.
No.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Gwen was just about to go home, actually.
Nick's death has really upset her.
Err, Miss Charteris, can we, er Erm, yes, of course.
How did your parents react when you became pregnant? Oh, my dad had a top man lined up in Harley Street.
Which you obviously resisted.
You bet.
And where was Mr Cheyney in all of this? Making the arrangements.
How did you know? That's the sort of thing Nick would've done.
Of course, you knew him, didn't you? So your parents were aware that Cheyney was Josh's father? Oh, yeah.
What bugs me is how easily Dad dismisses what Nick did to me.
It may not have been rape but he took advantage.
And did he acknowledge that he was the father of your child? Barely, and that suited me fine.
Until he arrived here and started talking about getting to know Josh.
He could've been winding me up.
But I wasn't taking any chances.
By luring him to the guillotine and chopping his head off? Do I look like a murderer? Yes and erLady Arabella, her name was.
Fine looking woman.
Beautiful.
Yes, distinct likeness, if I may say so.
Mind out, sir.
I know, you were asking about This apparently is the only chalk farm - Mr Charteris.
Oh.
I've got a couple of questions for you.
Why didn't you tell us about the argument you had at your dinner party the other evening? It was just Leonie being bloody with Nick.
The father of her son.
Oh, you know about that now, do you? Single mother against the world.
Hardly a single mother - she's in a relationship.
Oh, is that what you call it? You don't approve of Danny Twyman? Are you serious? Went against the grain hiring him for the evening, but he's the only taxi in the area.
You hired him? Yeah, paid him on account to pick Nick up and drop him back off again.
You must have had a very complicated relationship with Nick Cheyney.
I've known Nick for years, Chief Inspector.
And you knew about his affair with your daughter? Yes.
And you still felt able to entertain him to dinner under your roof? That was purely business.
And you weren't in favour of Nick Cheyney being involved in your grandson's life? I'd have made sure it didn't happen.
How would you have done that? Not by killing him, Chief Inspector.
But I would have stopped him.
How long had you known Nick Cheyney? We worked on some films together.
Yeah, we looked him up on the database.
Apparently he made a few box office hits.
Oh, he'd known what it was like to work with big names, big budgets.
I suppose you can understand him becoming a bit resentful in later life.
Gwen, stop defending the man.
Nobody ever liked him.
That's not true.
We worked with lots of other directors besides Nick.
In the business we were known as the Four Musketeers.
Me, Neville, Raymond and Ted.
Ted? My late husband.
Neville's brother.
He died just before we moved to Midsomer Magna.
No children? Does that question have any relevance? Well, I won't know until you answer it, Gwen.
No.
No children.
Background artists for scene 53, back on set now, please! Gwen? Er, yes, off you go, thank you.
Touched a nerve there.
I thought I might.
Last time I saw Nick, as he was leaving for dinner.
I was in reception trying to get moved from my shoebox of a room.
And where were you after that? In bed.
Exhausted and defeated.
You didn't like Nick Cheyney, did you? No, and I did briefly entertain the notion of trying to kill him to get a bigger room, but I thought that was a touch excessive.
Did you have any other reason for wanting him dead? Believe me, having to spend the night in that single bed was reason enough.
Thank you.
Keep the change.
Psst! Psst! Chief Inspector.
Yes? I've been waiting to speak to you.
Why didn't you come through to the bar? I could hardly do that.
It was Raymond Clandillon I wanted to tell you about.
You do know they hated one another, him and Nick Cheyney? Well, he didn't put it as strongly as that.
And I bet he didn't tell you why.
Nick Cheyney sacked him from a film they were working on.
So he had a reason.
But Cheyney didn't leave it at that.
Bad-mouthed him all around the industry.
Tipped Raymond's career into free-fall.
Did he? Well, thank you, thank you for that.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Yes, thank you.
Right, going for a take! Going for a take! Standing by for a take! Turn over! Speed! Sound rolling! Mark it! Stand by andaction! HALF-HEARTED CHEERING Cut! Cut! I would like to try and clarify something.
You are downtrodden peasants.
And these people See? These people have ground you into the earth.
They've exploited you all your lives.
You hate them with a passion.
And now it is payback time.
So when you hear the blade slice through their necks, I want you to try and imagine your feelings of joyful revenge, and let me hear it! Right? MURMURING OK, reset, everybody! Ronnie, how long with the blood? Ten minutes.
Make it five! Raymond Clandillon was no fan of Nick Cheyney.
Neither was Neville Hayward.
And Jack Braxton's almost joyful at getting rid of him from the film.
Diane Charteris loathed him.
Not sure about the husband, though.
Hurry up with that blood! Gwen, you shouldn't be doing this.
You're still in shock.
Take it up! I've always been a professional, Joyce.
I hope I still am.
Then, of course, there's Danny Twyman.
He admits having a row with Nick Cheyney, but he lied about the reason, didn't he? It couldn't have been over the fare because that had already been paid for by Terence Charteris.
So why should we believe that he didn't take Cheyney to the film set? Hello.
What's going on over there? Someone find me the unit nurse, please.
(SNIFFS) It's not booze.
Neville! It's worth checking, given his track record.
Raymond? What's going on? How are you feeling? I'm fine now.
Are you sure? Yeah.
High blood pressure.
Happens from time to time.
Tell me.
Why are you prepared to work as an extra? Got to do something to pay the bills.
No, I mean on this particular film.
With a director who did his best to ruin your career? Cheyney only helped me on my way.
I was already well down that slope.
So you didn't bear him a grudge? Of course I did.
That's exactly why I wanted to get on this film.
You came to kill him.
I came to gloat.
Sorry, I'm not following that.
Look, I may be just an extra in a rubbish movie, but Nick was actually directing it.
And for him that was a living death.
Mr Braxton? I'm sorry.
Her head won't be underneath the blade when it falls, will it? No.
Let me show you.
Can you demonstrate the blade safety? Satisfied? Ah, yes.
But that guillotine remains under guard at all times and you retain the key, OK? Fine.
Is it absolutely necessary for him to be here while we're filming? Well, I can have him removed, but we'll have to shut down your film set.
If he goes, everybody goes.
Right, let's do this! Quiet, please! Going for a take! Quiet, please! Stand by! Turnover! Running! End board! Stand by! And action! Takes some guts to put your head where Cheyney lost his.
There's more to Gwen Morrison than meets the eye.
Let's hope it stays that way.
Quiet, everyone! MOBILE PHONE RINGS Cut! Cut! MOBILE CONTINUES RINGING Whose mobile is that? TURNS MOBILE OFF Sorry! Beautiful.
Feeling better? Much.
But you look as though you could do with cheering up.
I'm all right.
I've got Josh.
Cute little fellow but he belongs with his mum.
He's the last thing you need right now, and you know it.
So what do you suggest? A spin in my beast.
It'll put the glow back in your cheeks again.
But I can't, I've got to wait for the old people.
They can manage without you.
Now, come on, come on.
We'll go for a trip down memory lane.
Oh, stop it! That argument you had with Nick Cheyney, It was nothing to do with that taxi fare.
You were angrier than that.
Was I? Yes.
Nick Cheyney was trying to get involved in Josh's life.
You couldn't let that happen.
I don't know why you were worried.
Leonie wasn't about to push you out in favour of Nick Cheyney.
Although, successful film director, cab driver Given the choice Yes, and after all, Nick Cheyney was the real father.
The best thing Nick ever did for Josh was stay away from him.
Real father? I'm the only father Josh has ever known and that's the way it's going to stay! That's Ince! With Charteris.
Yeah.
I doubt they're talking rare antiques.
Remember this? You and Ted in the back, me at the wheel, and Neville chewing his nails down to his elbows.
You did drive a bit recklessly.
With gay abandon! Reckless abandon.
Happy days! Then why the tears? You know why.
Gwen, it's over.
A long time ago.
We've found traces of Oramorph in Cheyney's body.
What's Oramorph? Morphine based, colourless.
It's a controlled drug, issued on prescription.
Usually to terminal cancer patients to ease their pain.
Any sign of cancer in Cheyney? None at all.
So what is the significance of this? Combined with alcohol, and there was plenty of that in his system, Oramorph would have caused Cheyney to pass out.
So the likelihood is that Cheyney was unconscious before the blade fell.
I'd have thought so.
Which tells us - That someone else was involved and that this is now a murder investigation.
Now what? Sit yourself down, Jed.
I want you to know why you're employed here as a security guard.
It's obvious.
This place is stacked out with valuable stuff.
Some of the pictures alone are worth millions.
Who told you that? Charteris or Ince? I don't know what you mean.
They're in it together, Jed, and you are being taken for a mug.
There's nothing in this place worth more than a few quid.
It's all fake.
It's an insurance scam, Jed.
Once your friend Ince has cleared this place out, who d'you think I'll be looking for as the inside man who let him in, eh? With your record, it'll be open and shut.
Charteris and Ince know that you are no grass.
They're relying on it.
It'll be a long sentence too.
Yes, indeed it will.
Especially if he's involved with a murderer.
Murderer? Oh, I needed that.
Oh, you've earned those, gentlemen.
LAUGHTER Careful, careful, careful.
Here comes the constabulary.
Being a bit loud, were we? No, of course you weren't.
May we join you? Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
You're looking in better spirits.
We were remembering one of Nick's films that we worked on.
That's me, Neville, Raymond and erthat's Ted.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, the Four Musketeers.
That was a long time ago.
I can tell that by the togas you're all wearing.
That was on the set of The Cross And The Sword.
A Biblical epic.
They were slaves.
I was an army commander.
I was actually on a horse.
Raymond was an actor back then.
Proper parts.
I was, yes.
You can look me up in Who's This? of show business.
Well, you're an extra with the rest of us now.
And it's the drink which has brought me this far down the evolutionary scale, Your Honour.
Shame it wasn't a solo trip.
Neville! But no, you had to drag Ted along for the ride.
Neville, that's not what happened.
Oh, for pity's sake, Gwen.
Your husband, my brother, drank himself to death and he was always there to buy the next round.
I'm going home.
Sorry.
'Scuse me! Hey! Thank you! Thank you.
Er, that's mine.
Oh, I thought you were gonna let me keep it.
Sorry, darling.
Aw! It's the only one I have of Ted.
"You wish once more to see me a love-sick supplicant at your feet, so that you can have the pleasure of kicking me aside like a troublesome lapdog?" It's not working.
It's only a run-through.
He's doing his best.
He's too wooden.
He is supposed to be wooden.
He's a stiff-arsed aristocrat who can't express his true feelings.
My husband! A man who loves me with a passion underneath all that.
But he can't bring himself to tell you.
That is the whole point of the scene.
(EXASPERATED GROAN) Let's take a break.
Reload! DIALS NUMBER ON MOBILE PHONE Neville Hayward resents the time Clandillon spent drinking with his brother Ted, doesn't he? Yeah, but Gwen didn't seem bothered by it, did she? And Ted was Gwen's husband.
So maybe Neville was jealous? Maybe he fancied Clandillon.
Unrequited love and all that.
Do you think Neville's gay? Well, he's never married.
He's lived with his sister-in-law most of his adult life.
I'm not so sure about that.
Problem, Mr Braxton? Oh, just the usual.
Why don't you get someone else to read the scene with her? Any suggestions? Yeah, Neville Hayward.
Who? Neville Hayward.
There, talking to her now.
An extra? He'll be no better.
She doesn't want someone who's better, Mr Braxton.
She wants some acknowledgement of the tantrum she's just thrown.
You're right.
Might be worth a try.
And you'd be doing me a favour, thank you.
Stand by! Stand by! Right, we're getting there.
Let's go once more from the top of the scene.
Andaction! You required my presence, madam? I assume that it was not with a view to indulging in tender reminiscences.
Why not? The present is not so glorious but that I should wish to dwell a little in the past.
Is it possible that love can die? Good, good.
But you're ferociously proud, and you're determined to get him to express his true feelings for you.
I thought the passion you felt for me would outlast the span of human life.
You wish once more to see me a love-sick supplicant at your feet, so that you may have the pleasure of kicking me aside like a troublesome lapdog? I entreat you can we not bury the past? But I understood you to say that it was your desire to dwell in it.
And tears, tears.
Since it distresses you we will speak no more of it.
Unable to express his feelings he turns and leaves.
And that is where we're gonna cut.
That's absolutely wonderful! Are you happy? Right, well, all we need now is for Sir Percy to grace us with his presence and we're away.
Jack, have you got a minute? Neville.
That was very good, that.
Very good.
And very revealing.
What do you mean? Gwen Morrison's interest in children? Why did she never have any children of her own? It's a touchy subject.
They were desperate to have a family.
Her and my brother, Ted.
But they never did.
Oh, well, they tried.
Three miscarriages, Gwen suffered.
And what effect did that have on Ted? He was devastated.
Turned to drink.
Slow suicide.
With Raymond Clandillon for company.
When Ted died, I did what I could for Gwen .
.
but I can never forgive Raymond.
That was good of you though, wasn't it, you know, to stay around and pick up the pieces? I did it for my brother.
Almost taking his place.
Up to a point.
Oh, yes, up to a point.
It's not as though you and Gwen were husband and wife.
Sergeant.
We've just been talking to Neville Hayward.
That sounds ominous.
What's he been telling you? Gwen, I was very interested in your attitude towards children, and Neville told me about your three miscarriages.
He had no right.
Was your husband, was Ted, the father in all three pregnancies? Or am I right in thinking that, in one case, the father was Nick Cheyney? This is none of your business.
I'm sorry but I think it is.
I am trying to find out who killed Nick Cheyney.
Since I believe he was the father of one of your unborn children, it's very much part of my investigation.
Where's all this come from? From your behaviour with Josh in the charity shop, when you found out that Nick Cheyney was his father.
.
.
that we know that Nick Cheyney was Josh's father? Oh, God! She was just about to go home, actually.
Nick's death has really upset her.
I couldn't believe that I was holding Nick's son after I'd killed our own.
I so wanted to have that child.
ButI couldn't do it to Ted.
Not after what we'd been through and so I let him think that I'd had a miscarriage.
What about Cheyney? He, ermmade all the arrangements.
He wasgood at that sort of thing.
Gwen, did you kill him? "They seek him here, they seek him there.
" And now I've found him.
What the hell are you doing? I thought somewhere private.
Somewhere suitably murky for a grubby little revelation.
Are you raving? I know your secret.
You're mad! And you do have a secret, don't you? I know, because I have it .
.
right here.
You killed Ted.
No.
Your own brother.
Just because he was married to Gwen.
Is that what it was with Cheyney? Was he too close to her for your liking? GWEN: Leave the village? Why? You can see the way Barnaby's thinking.
That we're in this together.
That we've exacted some kind of revenge on Nick Cheyney.
And why would he think that? Because he knows Cheyney wrecked your life.
So trust me, please.
We have to leave this village if we want to be together.
We are together.
You know what I mean.
Neville, I don't want to talk about this.
No.
I'm not allowed to mention the way I really feel.
Talk about that love that dare not speak its name.
Now you're being histrionic.
You can give yourself to a callous bastard like Nick Cheyney Stop it! Where did I go wrong? Made the mistake of actually caring for you, instead of treating you the way every other man in your life did, except Ted.
How many times did you expect him to look the other way? He never knew.
In our business? Impossible.
You must have known you were destroying him.
But you kept on playing the part.
"Poor Gwen, she was so in love with Ted.
" Must have been to put up with that brother of his all these years.
I know why you've put up with me.
And it's never gonna happen.
And if you can no longer accept that, then you'd better leave.
Now! MAN: Tom, you got five? Oh, Raymond.
It's you.
Not still down in the dumps? I've just had a terrible row with Neville.
Well, that's not difficult.
Here.
Have a few swigs of this.
I thought you'd stopped drinking.
I have.
But I'm like an old Saint Bernard bringing succour to those that need it.
So, you'll be on until two o'clock and then You haven't seen Gwen, have you? No, not for a while.
But she wasn't feeling too good earlier on.
She might have gone home with Neville, then.
More than likely.
Oh! Ron, Maria! (WHISTLES TO HIMSELF) (MOANS) ENGINE HISSES Are you all right? Bloody but unbowed.
In fact, not even bloody.
What happened? Had one of my turns.
Came off the road.
Still feel a bit groggy.
Right, I'll call for help.
Thanks.
Mine's in the car.
Where are you going? I forgot to turn the engine off.
No, wait a minute.
You wait there.
I'll do that.
Right, rescue vehicle's on its way.
Now, come on, Raymond.
Let's get you to A&E.
Oh, there's no need for that.
Yes, there is.
Come on, no arguments.
You've gotta be checked out.
Come on.
Uh, tell me.
You and Gwen Morrison Why do you get on so well? I suppose it's because we both once cared for the same man.
I thought you were supposed to be going out at eight.
It's nearly nine.
It's a girls' night out.
It's nothing to do with you.
Let's drop the pretence.
You're spending the night with Jack Braxton.
Of course.
I'm simply keeping up the facade of civilised duplicity.
Enjoy your evening withLady Blakeney, or whatever her name is.
Diane Just because I used Cheyney for my business, don't think that made me despise him any the less, or myself for having anything to do with him.
Why are you telling me this? Did you kill Nick? I'm just saying I'm sorry it had to come to this.
Why didn't you say that while there was still time? ALARM ACTIVATED DIALS NUMBER BEEPING LORRY ENGINE LIVELY CHATTER Terence.
Oh At the risk of sounding a little corny, a beautiful rose for a beautiful lady.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
(SNIFFS) Special occasion? A special drink for a special lady.
OK, don't move! That's enough Ince! Cuff him! I mean, I love the idea but, does it have to be the Sixties? It makes it much more expensive.
I know but we've got it down to about three million dollars.
We've got a production company in Maryland Mr Charteris.
Oh.
Chief Inspector.
There's been an attempted robbery up at the Manor.
Terry.
Uhattempted? Yes, sir, attempted.
Fortunately, we caught them in the act.
You don't seem very pleased, sir? DISORIENTATED COMMOTION Not very vigilant, Jed.
I was going to give you a ring, Jed, but I thought you'd prefer to hear the news in person.
All rounded up.
Didn't have to use the thumbscrews on Mr Ince.
He's already given us Charteris's name.
And yours.
Just as well you decided to change sides, eh? So a big thank you.
By the way, somebody tried to break into the props store earlier.
But we didn't find anyone.
We? Me and your PC, guarding the guillotine.
Constable! Give me the torch! Oh Oh, my Gwen.
There's no sign of Neville and his car's missing.
I've put out an APB.
Ah! The law never sleeps, eh? A bit early in the day to come calling, though.
Could say the same for you.
No car.
I've come to cadge a lift from Gwen.
What? Gwen Morrison won't be going to work today.
(MOCK GASP) Full name? That sounded official.
Gwen Gwen's body was found at the guillotine in the early hours of this morning.
Body? She's been beheaded.
I keep trying to picture it and block it out of my mind at the same time.
Oh, God.
How's Neville taking it? Well, we'll know that when we find him.
Gone missing? It appears so, yes.
Well, does that mean? Does it mean what? Well, Gwen dead.
Neville gone missing Do you think it's likely that Neville would have harmed her? Gwen? No, no.
He'd love to get me under that blade, but Gwen, never! There's no love lost between you two, is there? I'm afraid I might be partly responsible .
.
for him disappearing.
What's this? An anonymous letter.
Well, it was sent to Ted anonymously, anyway.
Telling him about his wife and Nick Cheyney.
Did Ted know who was responsible for this? No but it had to be from somebody wanting the marriage to break up.
Someone who was willing to spend without ever letting his true feelings show? That's why you're the Chief Inspector.
Took me years to work that out.
What did you do with it? Oh, I confronted him with it yesterday.
A grubby little revelation.
He was a snivelling wreck.
Because I have it right here.
'Especially when I threatened to show it to Gwen.
' And what would that achieve? It was a bluff.
I wouldn't have done that to her.
But Neville didn't know you were bluffing.
No.
I thought he deserved to sweat.
You know, Raymond, if Neville felt that strongly about Gwen, it must have been hard for him just living with her as a friend.
Torture.
But you'd be surprised how little someone will settle for when they're in love.
Mr Braxton You know why I'm here.
You're closing us down.
That is correct.
Before you make the announcement, may I just say a few words? Make it brief.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Could I have your attention, please? Quiet, please! We're going for a take! Quiet, please! Quiet, please! Thank you.
ErmI just wanted to say a few words about Gwen.
Most of us knew her in some capacity or other.
The people of the village remember a compassionate and caring woman.
The more venerable among us in the acting profession knew that side of her too, but we also remember a performer who was game for anything.
Who can forget the leather bikini, the whip and the stuffed swan? The Lovely Leida.
Well, the point is Gwen was a very special person, and however we choose to remember her, we should do our best to keep that memory alive.
Thank you.
"The Lovely Leida"? There was a side to Gwen that you knew nothing about in Midsomer Magna.
So Gwen hadn't returned home by the time you left the house yesterday evening, right? I didn't expect her to.
Why is that? I thought she was deliberately staying away till I'd gone.
Had she asked you to leave? Where did you plan to go? Plan? Do I look as though I had a plan? You know, everything points to Neville Hayward, sir.
Except for the fact that we picked him up at a 24-hour diner and the staff say he'd been sitting there since yesterday evening.
All during the time Gwen Morrison was guillotined.
So we let him go? Yes, well, we've got no choice, have we? Tell him not to leave the house without notifying us.
DS Jones.
Yeah.
Take Neville Hayward home, please.
Thanks.
On my way home, Tom.
George.
Butwe found traces of Oramorph in Gwen Morrison's body.
Did you? Enough to render her unconscious before she was killed? Definitely.
So they were both unconscious by the time the killer laid them under the blade of the guillotine.
That's why there was no sign of a struggle from either her or Cheyney.
I still don't see how it's possible to get them there without being seen or heard.
No, me neither.
Especially Gwen.
I mean, OK, the killer broke into the props store as a diversion but that wouldn't have given him the time he needed, would it? No.
Unless Unless the body was already at the guillotine.
The cart full of headless dummies.
Sir? Headless dummies, Jones.
He should have been driving them away from the guillotine, not towards it! George Come back, I want you to be part of this.
The Oramorph.
you said it was available on prescription, yes? At any high street chemist.
Or hospital pharmacy.
That's how he knew where it was.
Raymond, let's get you to A&E.
Oh, there's no need for that.
Oh, yes, there is.
Come on, no arguments.
When I drove him to the hospital there were roadworks.
There were diversions, but he knew the way round them.
Because he'd been there before.
Is he suffering from terminal cancer? Any way of confirming that, George? A post mortem.
Well, use your clout with the hospital.
Not in my remit.
Thank you, George.
Thank you.
I don't any more, as you know.
But I thought you might like a little pick-me-up.
Oh.
You suspected, didn't you, that Neville was in love with Raymond and jealous of him spending so much time with Ted.
That's when I thought Neville was gay, but he isn't.
But Raymond is! What if, during the many hours he spent consoling Ted in the various pubs and bars, Raymond fell in love with him? Without Ted realising? And when Ted died of the booze and the broken heart, caused by Gwen and Cheyney, then Raymond would have been devastated and very angry.
But why wait 15 years to take your revenge? He's dying.
He's got nothing left to lose.
He's settling old scores.
And his car I didn't realise it was still running.
His engine was still running but I couldn't hear it.
It explains why Freddie Greenaway didn't hear a second car engine outside the hotel the night of Cheyney's murder, doesn't it? Clandillon took Cheyney to the film set in his car.
If he was in love with Ted, he'd have a reason to kill Cheyney and Gwen.
And Neville Hayward for sending Ted that letter.
DOORBELL No sign of movement, sir.
Film set.
(RAYMOND GROANS) RUNNING FOOTSTEPS Chief Inspector.
I must applaud your sense of the dramatic.
Unfortunately, your timing's just a little bit out.
There is no point in this.
Oh, I think there is.
I'm not prepared to let the people responsible for Ted's death go unpunished.
But you've already done what you've set out to do, haven't you? You came to Midsomer to catch up with Nick Cheyney and you've done that.
And having Gwen here made it so much easier to lure him to his fate.
'You waited outside the hotel for him to get back from his dinner at the Manor.
And you knew he'd be drunk, didn't you? And then what? I suppose you told him that Gwen wanted to see him?' 'Given the history between them, I knew he'd be curious.
' (LAUGHS) Top quality malt.
I knew it! I knew you were still drinking.
I suppose you know this means you're fired.
Finish it off.
'The whisky was spiked with Oramorph.
' You have been doing your homework.
And then what? I suppose you parked a little way away from the film set and advised Cheyney to get rid of the security guard so his meeting with Gwen wouldn't be seen.
It's as though you were there.
You're dying, Raymond.
Why would you be bothered about being caught? Well, I wasn't.
And there was still Gwen and Neville to be taken care of.
Raymond Cheyney I can understand.
Neville, yes, maybe.
But Gwen? I mean, why Gwen? Surely Gwen was thechief victim? Victim?! Gwen was a more than willing partner in their squalid little affair.
So in your eyes she was as guilty as Cheyney.
More so.
Oh, Raymond.
It's you.
'I bided my time.
Gave her a few swigs from my hip flask.
Specially prepared.
' 'Whisky and Oramorph.
' Do you know, Raymond? You are doing him a great favour.
You think so? Yes, I do.
He wouldn't want to wake up to the memories he'd have to live with.
CRUNCH Don't come any closer, Sergeant.
(MOUTHS) A rather squalid attempt at reverse psychology, Chief Inspector.
But it's worked.
He'd much prefer oblivion to a living hell.
Here.
You want this.
No, not really.
I had that lock changed.
I wanted to see what you'd do.
And I made the noble gesture.
Appropriate, really the Scarlet Pimpernel.
"It's a far, far better thing I do" That's A Tale Of Two Cities.
Is it? Typical of my life.
I'm in someone else's story again.
By the way, thanks for telling me about changing the lock.
Oh, sorry.
I was sweating cobs back there.
Yeah, sorry.
It was a last-minute decision.
Oh, it's just as well.
He was going for the hat trick.
I mean Cheyney, Neville, I can understand.
But I had no idea how he really felt about Gwen.
I think he'd be very pleased, very proud, if he could hear you saying that.
Sir? Well, obviously he saved his best performance till last.
ASHLEY MORRISON
OK, reset, everybody.
Reset.
We're running out of blood.
BLEEPS I've got something interesting, sir.
I'm tailing George Ince.
BARNABY: George Ince? Really? 'Yeah, it's definitely him.
' That is not good news.
With a bit of luck, he'll drive onto someone else's patch.
And he's heading towards Midsomer Magna.
Then, Jones, it falls to us to protect the wealthier citizens of Midsomer from Mr Ince's thieving ways.
(CLEARS THROAT AND MUTTERS TO HIMSELF) How does this sound? "It is a little-known fact that, in 1905, the Hungarian aristocrat and writer, Baroness Orczy, was a guest of Lord Fitzgibbon at Midsomer Magna Manor.
" What's wrong? Neville, don't.
Please.
You could have let me finish.
You were going to say the woman who wrote the Scarlet Pimpernel based the character of Sir Percy Blakeney on Lord Fitzgibbon, who owned Magna Manor at the turn of the last century.
Wellyes.
We know she never went near the place, never mind met his Lordship.
WE know that.
Given that they're filming that very book in the grounds of the manor, don't you think it'll be a tad obvious to everyone else? You're right.
The occasional embellishment to the history of a place, I mean, everyone does that.
But Terence Charteris had no right to ask you to lie to blatantly.
If I don't play along, I lose the job.
Where else am I going to find work in Midsomer Magna? They're still hiring extras on the film.
You could have a dip back into the business, for old times' sake.
You obviously don't know who's directing this film.
Who? Nick Cheyney.
Quiet, everyone.
Three, two, one, drop! Cut it! And, action! CHEERING Cut it.
Nick, these execution scenes - I know, I know.
Enough blood to float an abattoir.
I'll get special effects to turn it down.
Good grief, no.
If anything, we need more blood.
Buckets of the stuff.
Know your audience.
It's not as if you're directing an art-house movie, is it? Ah, Jones.
So, Mr Ince is here.
They're opening the place to the public, sir.
Apparently, it's got historic connections with the French Revolution.
Doing a film, aren't they? The Scarlet Pimpernel.
What you might call a remake of a remake of a remake.
Yes, Joyce mentioned something about it.
Where is he now? Parked up round the side.
Your informant has got to be right about Ince setting up a job.
What other interest could he have in a stately home? Maybe he's come for a dose of culture and a guided tour.
Although George prefers to guide himself round places like this.
And usually by torchlight when there's no-one else about.
Let's find out what he's up to.
'Three, two, one, drop.
Cut it.
Action.
' CROWD CHEERS Something else not right about that scene.
Enlighten me.
Not enough peasants.
You want me to reshoot? Oh, God, no.
But for future scenes, you'll need more crones and hags.
Crones and hags.
I'll see what I can conjure up.
Don't make hard work of it.
An area like this must be overrun with yokels and inbreds.
Why don't you try the local old folks' home.
They'll come cheap.
'And drop.
' There he is.
Look who he's with.
Jed Norris! Talk about thick as thieves, eh? No, leave it, leave it.
You'll get nothing from him.
A word with Mr Norris might prove more useful.
I can see exactly why you're going for this heritage scam.
Do you have to use that word? I'm joking, Diane.
No, I mean it certainly looks like an authentic historical pile.
From what I gather it's getting more authentically historical by the day.
(LAUGHS) Got a man working on it.
Local historian.
Historian? Oh, you don't need one of them.
Dip into Hans Christian Andersen.
He was good with fairytales.
Listen, Terence I'm not sure how much more I can take of Jack Braxton.
The man's a philistine.
Ooh! You want the producer sacked, you'll have to clear that with Diane.
Why's that? Because they're very good friends.
I didn't even know you knew him.
He's being facetious.
I don't understand.
It may have escaped your notice, but this marriage is on the rocks.
We're just trying to hold things together till we get the business off the ground.
So you and Braxton are er Close.
(SNORTS) Ah! Well, even so.
He's a hatchet man.
Known for it.
He's the producer.
Money men have to be like that.
We want this film to look as good as possible, don't we? I meandon't we? Look, Nick I know you see this as a chance to get your career back on track, but to us it's just business, OK? Right, wellthanks for putting me in the picture.
I'd better get back to set.
Actors to execute.
I'll see you both tomorrow night, then.
Keep up the good work.
I don't know how you can bear that man in the house after the way he's treated our daughter.
How do you think Leonie feels about this? Diane, there's family and there's business.
Right now, the family business is in trouble.
We need Nick Cheyney.
So Leonie's just gonna have to lump it.
All right? Hello, Jed! I didn't think you were due for release just yet.
Parole.
Good behaviour.
Ah! Well, congratulations.
Yeah, I think they needed the cell space.
I'm telling you, overcrowding in prisons is criminal.
So it's not somewhere you want to rush back to? Never again.
I can't handle any more.
So why the meeting with George Ince? It wasn't a meeting.
I just happened to bump into him.
Small world (!) What's he doing here? You don't ask people like George their business.
No, you don't.
Nasty piece of work.
So what are you doing at Magna Manor? I'm working here.
You? Work! That's right.
Big laugh! Excuse me.
Thank you.
No meeting between Jed Norris and George Ince is coincidental.
Get hold of the management here.
If anything untoward happens, I want to know about it.
Sir.
Can you get over to the props boys? (GROANS) Nick, erm, these are the old folk from The Cedars.
Crones and hags.
As ordered.
Right.
Well, get them fitted out with rags.
I want them on set at eight tomorrow morning.
Some of them are over 80, Mr Cheyney.
(SIGHS) Nine, then.
It's a bit late.
We've gotta get the costumes ready Nick? Gwen? Gwen Morrison? You do remember me.
Always! But, uh Well, it must be what erm No! No, not that long, surely.
Well, I've lived in this village for 15 of them.
Ever since Ted died.
Ted died? So you're umon your own, then? No, no.
I live with Neville.
You remember Neville.
(LAUGHS) Of course! Neville! I might've known he'd still be around.
Listen, darling, I really can't talk now but, er I'll catch you later, all right? Gwen Morrison.
WOMAN: Excuse me! Excuse me! It's not as though you're asking me to update the history of the Manor.
That is exactly what I'm asking you to do.
But what you want is pure fantasy.
Erm Your point? It's not ethical.
And it shouldn't be part of my remit as Events Organiser of the Manor.
(SNORTS) Don't flatter yourself.
Part-time tour guide was all you were ever gonna be.
Were? I need to get this place open to the public ASAP.
Till then, I'm just haemorrhaging money.
So I can't afford to have losers like you holding me back.
Go on, you're fired! What're you waiting for? Right, bye.
How come you're at Gwen's? It was a bit chaotic today.
Ooh, sounds exciting.
It was.
We were up at The Cedars on charity shop business when someone came round from the film unit to recruit the old folk as extras.
They need more "crones and hags".
Crones? They actually used those terms? Not that any of us minded.
Most of us are thrilled to bits to be in The Scarlet Pimpernel.
Us? Gwen and I volunteered to be chaperones, so we thought we might as well be extras too.
Following in your daughter's footsteps, eh? MOBILE PHONE RINGS Oh, hello, Neville.
Jones? 'Sir, report of a prowler, Magna Manor.
' You think it could be Ince? 'Looks like it, sir.
' Right, get yourself some back-up.
I'll be right there.
DOOR CLOSES Well, I challenged him and he fired me.
A week before the place is due to open to the public? I've picked up on what's happening.
Terence Charteris may live in a manor house, but he's a barrow boy out of his depth.
He's over-stretched himself and he's about to go under.
I don't think he could afford to pay me.
Well, no great loss, if you ask me.
I mean, why not sign up as an extra? He's round the back somewhere.
Right, Jones, off you go.
I have to tell you if he's the man we think he is, he has a history of violence.
Your husband's not out looking for him, is he? My husband's gone out for the evening.
Police! Stop! SIREN BLARES Gotcha! Oi! What's going on? Better late than never.
Diane, what is going on? A prowler.
Prowler? Where? Standing in front of you! Don't be ridiculous - he's the security guard! Since when? A couple of days ago.
Oh, well, thank you for telling me.
Then why did you run away? I didn't know who you were.
I shouted "police".
Anybody could do that.
Security guard for the Manor? And for the film set.
Made sense, him keeping an eye on things over.
So I had a word with Jack Braxton.
Who's he? The film's producer.
Jed Norris, a security guard? Talk about putting the fox in charge of the hen house.
Our friend Ince must be involved in this.
That producer needs to know what he's taken on.
OK, where's your Mum.
Come on, Leonie.
OK, I'm coming.
Taketake that one.
You know Gwen's got a job as an extra on this film, so I'm on my own in the charity shop today.
Oh, hello! I was watching that Nick Cheyney on set all day yesterday.
What? You didn't say anything to him? Danny, please.
You promised.
Leave him to me.
I want Cheyney out of our lives, Leonie.
For good.
Sirfive years ago, when Ince was on remand, he and Norris were briefly in Causton Jail together.
They're old acquaintances.
And Mr Norris has just conned his way into a security job.
Pull him in for questioning, sir? Jed's not really in the same league as Ince, is he? Just, er, cut him a bit of slack, keep an eye on him.
George Ince is the man we really want and if Jed Norris can lead us to him, well, that'd be a result.
Come on, Gwen.
You'll get the old folk fired if I don't get them to the set on time.
Why don't you help Joyce with the old folk today? I'll stay here and look after Josh.
No, thanks.
I'm not going anywhere near that film set.
Come on, we're out of here.
Let's say bye to Auntie Gwen.
Bye! Bye, Josh.
Bye, Leonie.
Bye.
Right Right! MAN: All right! Mind your backs! Out the way, please! And you! Joyce! Aristos to the carriage, please.
Costume checks, please.
So, you say this guy Norris has got form? Just a bit.
What do you recommend? I'd like you to keep him on.
At least then we'll know where he is during the shoot.
And, between you and me, he might prove a useful lead to someone else we want to keep tabs on.
Suits me.
He has all the qualifications I need.
He's cheap.
What? Tight budget, this film? (LAUGHS) Like a tourniquet.
We'd have half a chance if someone other than that clown of a director was calling the shots from behind the camera.
But you're the producer, aren't you? I mean, don't you appoint the director? I do.
And ordinarily I wouldn't touch Nick Cheyney.
But he brokered the deal that got us this location for free.
Knows the people who own the Manor.
Ah, Mr And Mrs Charteris.
Friends of yours? No, we don't move in the same social circles.
Lucky you.
The wife's OK, her husband's a complete philistine.
The people we have to get into bed with to get a movie made.
Figure of speech.
Mrs Barnaby looks very fetching in that red cap, sir.
Peasants behind the cart, thank you! Now, I need you to start in line with the arch, all right? Can we get some quiet, please, and a bit of concentration? All right, now, the Let's just have a look, love, OK? The rider's gonna come galloping in down here, all right? Can we finish checks now, please? Rider comes galloping in, gives you the news from Paris.
Get out of here, no time to lose.
Barbarous hordes on their way.
Now, you're horrified but dignified.
Remember, you're French aristocrats.
That's all right.
Can we get the coats off, please? Quieten down! Can we get the coats off now! Coats off, Nigel! Going for a take.
Right.
Going for a take! All right, standing by for a take.
Turn over! Speed! Sound running! Mark it! Background action! Andaction! Go! Go! Go! And stop! And run back! Go! CAR HORN: ODE TO JOY What the hell is that?! Cut! Cut! And we've cut there, we've cut! Reset! Reset! First positions, everybody.
I know that car.
It can't be! Throw him off the set.
'Scuse me, 'scuse me! You can't park here! Ah, Nick! Hope I didn't disturb anything.
No-one makes an entrance quite like Raymond Clandillon.
Dying art, I'm afraid.
I try to keep it going.
Just passing? No.
Thought I'd stop for a while.
Get involved.
Yeah, well I'm afraid the film's already cast.
I know.
According to this there's not a D-list celeb or clapped out sports star to be found anywhere.
You've got them all.
So no room for you, then.
Oh, you can squeeze me in, for old time's sake.
And what makes you think I want a disruptive old queen like you anywhere near my film? I've given up the booze.
Really? Smell my breath.
I'd rather not.
I need this.
Oh, what the hell.
We go back a long way, don't we? Oh, thanks, Nick.
Show him where wardrobe is.
He can be the cart driver.
Reload! Reload, please! Are you offering me work as an extra? Take it or leave it.
OK.
And if you so much as look at a bottle of booze Can we do that again? And this time, if it's not too much trouble, can you get the timing right? First positions, please! Raymond? Oh! Is that you? In the flesh! Come here, you! Oh! What a wonderful, wonderful surprise.
I don't know about you, but a Christmas card every year hasn't been enough.
I wanted to see what you looked like after 17 years.
Well, you haven't changed.
Gwen! Oh, all right.
A bit frayed round the edges.
But the car's still immaculate.
Well, of course.
I cherish her.
If there was but one room at the Inn, I'd gladly stay out in the cold and let her have shelter for the night.
You might have to.
Hello, Raymond.
Neville.
The Magna Hotel's full to bursting.
I take it you are staying? I am.
I saw that they were shooting this film in your neck of the woods and thought it would be the ideal opportunity to catch up with you.
I didn't realise we'd all be working on it.
You've got a part? Sort of.
Must dash.
Have to get changed.
Raymond.
That's for the extras.
I know.
Hasn't that made your day? Working as an extra? God, that must be so humiliating for him.
And in a film directed by Nick Cheyney.
All aristos and peasants back on set in 15 minutes! All right! What the hell's he still doing in your life? I always sign our Christmas cards from both of us.
You knew he was still living with me.
But why? You don't owe him anything.
Ted's dead.
You're under no obligation to look after his brother.
I know that.
So why would you want your brother-in-law lurking about the place? Particularly when you're well, you know.
What? Trying to entertain.
Do you mean sex? Yes.
It must be hard enough to come by in a dead and alive hole like this.
Oh, I've lost interest in all that.
You? I don't believe it! You go without something long enough, you get used to it.
Then we'll have to get you unused to it.
Oh, yeah? And what are you going to do about it, you old poof? Oooh! That's my Gwen! CHATTER You look as though you need that.
Well, I know how Sisyphus felt.
Is that a medical complaint? Character in Greek mythology.
Had to push a boulder up a hill.
Couldn't relax or it would roll back and crush him.
I'll keep 'em coming, then.
Nah, I've gotta go to the Manor.
Dinner with the producer.
Oh.
You likely to be late? I hope not.
Why? Well, I'll wait up.
We can sink a few then.
Good man.
Well, I'll drink to that.
Oh, I was erjust saying.
Drink later on, when you get back from dinner? Oh, I thought you meant just the two of us.
Oh, I Very nice of you to include me.
Don't worry Nick, I've got other plans.
I'm sure you have.
Can I help you, sir? You certainly can.
I have spent the last 30 years coming out of the closet, and you have put me back into one.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
I want a bigger room.
Taxi for Mr Cheyney.
Through there, to the left, peasants' bar.
I'll check on the computer.
All right? Have you ridden with this guy before? No.
Why? From the look he was giving you, I assumed you'd forgotten to tip him.
Oh, no, my darling.
Leave it, please.
Well, it's me or Danny.
Well, does it have to be either of you, just now? He's got to be confronted.
So, I was thinking as an added attraction for the great unwashed we might open the place to the public while you're filming.
I can't have the public around while I'm trying to work.
Then get your arse into gear.
You're a jobbing director, not Fellini.
We can't afford to finance your fantasies.
Leonie.
Ah, your gorgeous daughter! Leonie, please.
This is a business meeting.
It's neither the time nor the place.
It's always about what you want, isn't it? Must never jeopardise the deal.
Diane, see our daughter out, will you? I'm sorry? You seem to have mistaken me for one of the hired help.
Besides, I don't think she's ready to go yet.
Oh, I am! Don't you even think about coming anywhere near me or my child.
MY child.
Do you understand what I'm saying? Am I being threatened? Yes.
You are.
I seem to have lost my appetite.
Yeah, well, I'll come with you.
You're the reason I'm leaving.
Sorry, Nick.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.
Hands off my grandson, Nick, or I'll see you dead.
VEHICLE APPROACHES ENGINE STOPS AND DOORS OPEN DISTANT RAISED VOICES I promised Leonie I'd stay out of this, but if you go anywhere near her or Josh Good God! Even the taxi driver's threatening me now.
Is the whole bloody village in on this? No.
Just me.
And just what has it got to do with you? I'm Leonie's partner.
Partner?! (LAUGHS) How PC! Well, partner or not, you have no rights where Josh is concerned, but I have.
So if I choose to get closer to my son .
.
there's nothing you can do to stop me.
Oh, there is! VAN DOOR SLAMS AND ENGINE STARTS (CRIES OUT) Hi, George.
What have you got here? Dead five or six hours.
Cause of death, head separated from the body.
Now, that's where we benefit from having an expert on the job.
That's enough from you.
(SIGHS DEEPLY) It's Nick Cheyney.
The film's director.
You know him? I saw him yesterday.
When he was in one piece.
Well, we don't have to look far for the murder weapon.
If it was murder.
Really? There's no sign of a struggle and only Mr Cheyney and Mr Braxton held keys to the safety lock.
You think it could be suicide? Except there's no sign of his key.
Who found him? The security guard.
Jed Norris.
I spoke to him.
Mr Cheyney.
He came looking for me.
What for? Wanted me to get lost for an hour.
I have to say, I didn't expect to see him again last night.
Again? Yeah.
He'd been to dinner at the Manor.
Big bust up.
I could hear them arguing from outside and the looks they were giving him when he left.
Who? Mr and Mrs Charteris, their daughter, Mr Braxton Even the cab driver.
Was he alone on the set when you saw him? Oh, yeah.
That's what made it all a bit creepy.
In what way? He was so drunk he was barely conscious.
So someone drove him there.
I never heard him arrive.
I mean, car, dead of night.
You'd hear it.
But I didn't.
Here, listen, could I have a strong coffee? This place is giving me the creeps.
Turning sensitive in your old age, Jed? Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right, don't worry about me.
I'm only the one who found the head in the basket.
Did you find it? You know I did.
Or did you put it there? No, no, no, no, no, no! I'm not having that.
I mean, I might have a bit of form but I'm not a violent man.
Check my record.
We know your record, Jed.
What about George Ince? Ince was nowhere near this place last night.
Far as I know.
All right, Jed, go get yourself that coffee.
Thanks.
What about Ince? He's a violent man.
Yeah, but he's a robber first and foremost.
And if Cheyney had disturbed him during a break-in, he would have attacked him without a thought.
But he wouldn't have had to chop his head off.
You know, Jones, under the circumstances, this is not an ideal interview room.
Who was at the dinner party last night? It was a working dinner.
Just the three of us.
The three of you? Me, Nick and Jack Braxton.
Mrs Charteris, you weren't there? No, no.
It was a business meeting.
Although she did make an entrance with our charming daughter.
Leonie turned up unexpectedly.
She left early.
After doing her best to ruin the evening.
Why would she want to do that? Because she's my daughter.
Do you have children, Chief Inspector? How can you even ask that? Do you know, you and Nick Cheyney are two of a kind.
What's that supposed to mean? You're both MOBILE PHONE RINGS .
.
lousy fathers! Jones? Oh, steady on, Sergeant.
That's a high-quality piece of furniture you're knocking about there.
Priceless, in fact.
Sorry.
It was a wrong number.
I understand you're planning to open the Manor as a heritage site, sir? That's right.
Turns out the old place is groaning with history.
Priceless, eh? Yeah, well, not literally, but pretty close.
Certainly irreplaceable.
Mr Charteris did Braxton and Cheyney leave together? No, they left separately.
They don't have much time for one another.
And what state was Mr Cheyney in when he left? Well, he'd had a drink.
What does that mean, precisely? It means he was drunk.
And objectionably so.
That's Nick.
As though that makes it acceptable.
LookI suppose there's no way of stopping this, Chief Inspector? I'm sorry? All the negative publicity.
Oh, that is not my department, I'm afraid.
Mrs Charteris, what did you do after Mr Cheyney left? I had an early night.
(SNORTS) Jones, what was all that about the furniture? We are investigating a suspicious death and you're going on about a flaming cupboard.
Because it was a fake.
How do you know? My grandad was a cabinet maker.
He was a what? He was a master cabinet maker.
So he'd know all about dodgy cupboards? All I'm saying is that cupboard was far from irreplaceable.
Ironic, isn't it? An every-expense-spared production and the cheap old prop we had made up to look like a guillotine actually works.
But you want to know if you can carry on filming, yeah? I was thinking more along the lines of when.
How're you gonna find a new director at such short notice? On our budget, we won't! Although Cheyney wasn't being paid, his indulgent style of shooting was costing us a fortune.
Not being paid? He was on a profit-sharing agreement.
That's how desperate we both were.
No, I will take over as director.
Will you? You seem very pleased at the prospect.
Mr Braxton, is there someone who can confirm where you were at the time of Nick Cheyney's death, like Mrs Charteris? What are you implying? Mrs Charteris - she called us out a couple of nights ago to investigate a prowler.
She said she was just about to go to bed.
So? Well, her husband was out.
Your car was at the front door.
OK.
Diane Charteris and I spent last night together too.
So you are each other's alibis for the time of Nick Cheyney's death? Mm.
Thank you.
You can carry on filming.
But only because I want to keep everyone together for the sake of this investigation.
Thank you, Mr Braxton.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS Freddie.
Morning, sir.
Nick Cheyney.
He was staying here, wasn't he? That's right.
I heard him come back last night.
Only he didn't.
I'm sorry, you've lost me.
He'd been for dinner at the Manor.
We'd arranged to have a drink when he got back.
Well, I heard Danny's taxi pull up outside.
Danny? Who's Danny? Danny Twyman.
He's a nice lad.
Runs a local minibus.
And you recognised his voice.
Yeah.
They were having an argument.
About what? I couldn't hear.
Didn't last long, though.
Danny drove off and I was expecting Cheyney to come into the hotel.
He didn't.
What do you think happened to him? We know what happened.
We're trying to work out why.
(WOMAN SNIFFS AND SOBS) We knew him when he first started out.
He was a louse even then.
What a waste of life.
What a wicked waste of life.
Fortunately his own, this time.
TOY SQUEAKS Nick Cheyney - where did you drop him off last night? Outside the Midsomer Magna Hotel.
We have a witness who heard raised voices.
We had a row over the fare.
Asked if I took credit cards.
As if! So you didn't drive him to the film set? No way.
He'd already had one ride for free.
See anyone else while you were driving around the Manor? Only Jed Norris hanging around.
How long have you known Miss Charteris? We were students together, on a drama course in London.
Before she was pregnant? I'm not Josh's dad, if that's what you're asking.
I'd like to be.
That's why I followed her back to Midsomer Magna.
To help her make the break.
The break from what? Her dad.
Lets her live here rent-free but he's a control freak.
Is that what she argued with him about last night? Or had she gone there to confront Nick Cheyney? Well, she didn't like the man.
Well, neither does her mother.
Is that because Nick Cheyney is the father of Leonie's child? Yes.
Yes, he was.
So they were in a relationship? He came to our college as a visiting lecturer.
The only relationship they had was the sort that happens after a 50p-a-pint night in the student bar.
You come and give your Auntie Gwen a big cuddle.
Gwen, you ought to go home.
I can manage here.
Are you sure? Cos I really do feel dreadful.
It's fine.
Really.
Good morning.
Tom.
Gwen.
Miss Charteris.
You've come to see me? Yes, yes, we have.
I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby and this is Detective Sergeant Jones from Causton CID.
Miss Charteris, I understand that you were at a dinner with Mr Nick Cheyney last night and you had an argument.
A blazing row would be more accurate.
Look, Danny's phoned me.
Has he? Then he will have told you that we know that Nick Cheyney was Josh's father? What? Oh, God! Are you OK? No, I'm all right.
Please.
No.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Gwen was just about to go home, actually.
Nick's death has really upset her.
Err, Miss Charteris, can we, er Erm, yes, of course.
How did your parents react when you became pregnant? Oh, my dad had a top man lined up in Harley Street.
Which you obviously resisted.
You bet.
And where was Mr Cheyney in all of this? Making the arrangements.
How did you know? That's the sort of thing Nick would've done.
Of course, you knew him, didn't you? So your parents were aware that Cheyney was Josh's father? Oh, yeah.
What bugs me is how easily Dad dismisses what Nick did to me.
It may not have been rape but he took advantage.
And did he acknowledge that he was the father of your child? Barely, and that suited me fine.
Until he arrived here and started talking about getting to know Josh.
He could've been winding me up.
But I wasn't taking any chances.
By luring him to the guillotine and chopping his head off? Do I look like a murderer? Yes and erLady Arabella, her name was.
Fine looking woman.
Beautiful.
Yes, distinct likeness, if I may say so.
Mind out, sir.
I know, you were asking about This apparently is the only chalk farm - Mr Charteris.
Oh.
I've got a couple of questions for you.
Why didn't you tell us about the argument you had at your dinner party the other evening? It was just Leonie being bloody with Nick.
The father of her son.
Oh, you know about that now, do you? Single mother against the world.
Hardly a single mother - she's in a relationship.
Oh, is that what you call it? You don't approve of Danny Twyman? Are you serious? Went against the grain hiring him for the evening, but he's the only taxi in the area.
You hired him? Yeah, paid him on account to pick Nick up and drop him back off again.
You must have had a very complicated relationship with Nick Cheyney.
I've known Nick for years, Chief Inspector.
And you knew about his affair with your daughter? Yes.
And you still felt able to entertain him to dinner under your roof? That was purely business.
And you weren't in favour of Nick Cheyney being involved in your grandson's life? I'd have made sure it didn't happen.
How would you have done that? Not by killing him, Chief Inspector.
But I would have stopped him.
How long had you known Nick Cheyney? We worked on some films together.
Yeah, we looked him up on the database.
Apparently he made a few box office hits.
Oh, he'd known what it was like to work with big names, big budgets.
I suppose you can understand him becoming a bit resentful in later life.
Gwen, stop defending the man.
Nobody ever liked him.
That's not true.
We worked with lots of other directors besides Nick.
In the business we were known as the Four Musketeers.
Me, Neville, Raymond and Ted.
Ted? My late husband.
Neville's brother.
He died just before we moved to Midsomer Magna.
No children? Does that question have any relevance? Well, I won't know until you answer it, Gwen.
No.
No children.
Background artists for scene 53, back on set now, please! Gwen? Er, yes, off you go, thank you.
Touched a nerve there.
I thought I might.
Last time I saw Nick, as he was leaving for dinner.
I was in reception trying to get moved from my shoebox of a room.
And where were you after that? In bed.
Exhausted and defeated.
You didn't like Nick Cheyney, did you? No, and I did briefly entertain the notion of trying to kill him to get a bigger room, but I thought that was a touch excessive.
Did you have any other reason for wanting him dead? Believe me, having to spend the night in that single bed was reason enough.
Thank you.
Keep the change.
Psst! Psst! Chief Inspector.
Yes? I've been waiting to speak to you.
Why didn't you come through to the bar? I could hardly do that.
It was Raymond Clandillon I wanted to tell you about.
You do know they hated one another, him and Nick Cheyney? Well, he didn't put it as strongly as that.
And I bet he didn't tell you why.
Nick Cheyney sacked him from a film they were working on.
So he had a reason.
But Cheyney didn't leave it at that.
Bad-mouthed him all around the industry.
Tipped Raymond's career into free-fall.
Did he? Well, thank you, thank you for that.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Yes, thank you.
Right, going for a take! Going for a take! Standing by for a take! Turn over! Speed! Sound rolling! Mark it! Stand by andaction! HALF-HEARTED CHEERING Cut! Cut! I would like to try and clarify something.
You are downtrodden peasants.
And these people See? These people have ground you into the earth.
They've exploited you all your lives.
You hate them with a passion.
And now it is payback time.
So when you hear the blade slice through their necks, I want you to try and imagine your feelings of joyful revenge, and let me hear it! Right? MURMURING OK, reset, everybody! Ronnie, how long with the blood? Ten minutes.
Make it five! Raymond Clandillon was no fan of Nick Cheyney.
Neither was Neville Hayward.
And Jack Braxton's almost joyful at getting rid of him from the film.
Diane Charteris loathed him.
Not sure about the husband, though.
Hurry up with that blood! Gwen, you shouldn't be doing this.
You're still in shock.
Take it up! I've always been a professional, Joyce.
I hope I still am.
Then, of course, there's Danny Twyman.
He admits having a row with Nick Cheyney, but he lied about the reason, didn't he? It couldn't have been over the fare because that had already been paid for by Terence Charteris.
So why should we believe that he didn't take Cheyney to the film set? Hello.
What's going on over there? Someone find me the unit nurse, please.
(SNIFFS) It's not booze.
Neville! It's worth checking, given his track record.
Raymond? What's going on? How are you feeling? I'm fine now.
Are you sure? Yeah.
High blood pressure.
Happens from time to time.
Tell me.
Why are you prepared to work as an extra? Got to do something to pay the bills.
No, I mean on this particular film.
With a director who did his best to ruin your career? Cheyney only helped me on my way.
I was already well down that slope.
So you didn't bear him a grudge? Of course I did.
That's exactly why I wanted to get on this film.
You came to kill him.
I came to gloat.
Sorry, I'm not following that.
Look, I may be just an extra in a rubbish movie, but Nick was actually directing it.
And for him that was a living death.
Mr Braxton? I'm sorry.
Her head won't be underneath the blade when it falls, will it? No.
Let me show you.
Can you demonstrate the blade safety? Satisfied? Ah, yes.
But that guillotine remains under guard at all times and you retain the key, OK? Fine.
Is it absolutely necessary for him to be here while we're filming? Well, I can have him removed, but we'll have to shut down your film set.
If he goes, everybody goes.
Right, let's do this! Quiet, please! Going for a take! Quiet, please! Stand by! Turnover! Running! End board! Stand by! And action! Takes some guts to put your head where Cheyney lost his.
There's more to Gwen Morrison than meets the eye.
Let's hope it stays that way.
Quiet, everyone! MOBILE PHONE RINGS Cut! Cut! MOBILE CONTINUES RINGING Whose mobile is that? TURNS MOBILE OFF Sorry! Beautiful.
Feeling better? Much.
But you look as though you could do with cheering up.
I'm all right.
I've got Josh.
Cute little fellow but he belongs with his mum.
He's the last thing you need right now, and you know it.
So what do you suggest? A spin in my beast.
It'll put the glow back in your cheeks again.
But I can't, I've got to wait for the old people.
They can manage without you.
Now, come on, come on.
We'll go for a trip down memory lane.
Oh, stop it! That argument you had with Nick Cheyney, It was nothing to do with that taxi fare.
You were angrier than that.
Was I? Yes.
Nick Cheyney was trying to get involved in Josh's life.
You couldn't let that happen.
I don't know why you were worried.
Leonie wasn't about to push you out in favour of Nick Cheyney.
Although, successful film director, cab driver Given the choice Yes, and after all, Nick Cheyney was the real father.
The best thing Nick ever did for Josh was stay away from him.
Real father? I'm the only father Josh has ever known and that's the way it's going to stay! That's Ince! With Charteris.
Yeah.
I doubt they're talking rare antiques.
Remember this? You and Ted in the back, me at the wheel, and Neville chewing his nails down to his elbows.
You did drive a bit recklessly.
With gay abandon! Reckless abandon.
Happy days! Then why the tears? You know why.
Gwen, it's over.
A long time ago.
We've found traces of Oramorph in Cheyney's body.
What's Oramorph? Morphine based, colourless.
It's a controlled drug, issued on prescription.
Usually to terminal cancer patients to ease their pain.
Any sign of cancer in Cheyney? None at all.
So what is the significance of this? Combined with alcohol, and there was plenty of that in his system, Oramorph would have caused Cheyney to pass out.
So the likelihood is that Cheyney was unconscious before the blade fell.
I'd have thought so.
Which tells us - That someone else was involved and that this is now a murder investigation.
Now what? Sit yourself down, Jed.
I want you to know why you're employed here as a security guard.
It's obvious.
This place is stacked out with valuable stuff.
Some of the pictures alone are worth millions.
Who told you that? Charteris or Ince? I don't know what you mean.
They're in it together, Jed, and you are being taken for a mug.
There's nothing in this place worth more than a few quid.
It's all fake.
It's an insurance scam, Jed.
Once your friend Ince has cleared this place out, who d'you think I'll be looking for as the inside man who let him in, eh? With your record, it'll be open and shut.
Charteris and Ince know that you are no grass.
They're relying on it.
It'll be a long sentence too.
Yes, indeed it will.
Especially if he's involved with a murderer.
Murderer? Oh, I needed that.
Oh, you've earned those, gentlemen.
LAUGHTER Careful, careful, careful.
Here comes the constabulary.
Being a bit loud, were we? No, of course you weren't.
May we join you? Yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
You're looking in better spirits.
We were remembering one of Nick's films that we worked on.
That's me, Neville, Raymond and erthat's Ted.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, the Four Musketeers.
That was a long time ago.
I can tell that by the togas you're all wearing.
That was on the set of The Cross And The Sword.
A Biblical epic.
They were slaves.
I was an army commander.
I was actually on a horse.
Raymond was an actor back then.
Proper parts.
I was, yes.
You can look me up in Who's This? of show business.
Well, you're an extra with the rest of us now.
And it's the drink which has brought me this far down the evolutionary scale, Your Honour.
Shame it wasn't a solo trip.
Neville! But no, you had to drag Ted along for the ride.
Neville, that's not what happened.
Oh, for pity's sake, Gwen.
Your husband, my brother, drank himself to death and he was always there to buy the next round.
I'm going home.
Sorry.
'Scuse me! Hey! Thank you! Thank you.
Er, that's mine.
Oh, I thought you were gonna let me keep it.
Sorry, darling.
Aw! It's the only one I have of Ted.
"You wish once more to see me a love-sick supplicant at your feet, so that you can have the pleasure of kicking me aside like a troublesome lapdog?" It's not working.
It's only a run-through.
He's doing his best.
He's too wooden.
He is supposed to be wooden.
He's a stiff-arsed aristocrat who can't express his true feelings.
My husband! A man who loves me with a passion underneath all that.
But he can't bring himself to tell you.
That is the whole point of the scene.
(EXASPERATED GROAN) Let's take a break.
Reload! DIALS NUMBER ON MOBILE PHONE Neville Hayward resents the time Clandillon spent drinking with his brother Ted, doesn't he? Yeah, but Gwen didn't seem bothered by it, did she? And Ted was Gwen's husband.
So maybe Neville was jealous? Maybe he fancied Clandillon.
Unrequited love and all that.
Do you think Neville's gay? Well, he's never married.
He's lived with his sister-in-law most of his adult life.
I'm not so sure about that.
Problem, Mr Braxton? Oh, just the usual.
Why don't you get someone else to read the scene with her? Any suggestions? Yeah, Neville Hayward.
Who? Neville Hayward.
There, talking to her now.
An extra? He'll be no better.
She doesn't want someone who's better, Mr Braxton.
She wants some acknowledgement of the tantrum she's just thrown.
You're right.
Might be worth a try.
And you'd be doing me a favour, thank you.
Stand by! Stand by! Right, we're getting there.
Let's go once more from the top of the scene.
Andaction! You required my presence, madam? I assume that it was not with a view to indulging in tender reminiscences.
Why not? The present is not so glorious but that I should wish to dwell a little in the past.
Is it possible that love can die? Good, good.
But you're ferociously proud, and you're determined to get him to express his true feelings for you.
I thought the passion you felt for me would outlast the span of human life.
You wish once more to see me a love-sick supplicant at your feet, so that you may have the pleasure of kicking me aside like a troublesome lapdog? I entreat you can we not bury the past? But I understood you to say that it was your desire to dwell in it.
And tears, tears.
Since it distresses you we will speak no more of it.
Unable to express his feelings he turns and leaves.
And that is where we're gonna cut.
That's absolutely wonderful! Are you happy? Right, well, all we need now is for Sir Percy to grace us with his presence and we're away.
Jack, have you got a minute? Neville.
That was very good, that.
Very good.
And very revealing.
What do you mean? Gwen Morrison's interest in children? Why did she never have any children of her own? It's a touchy subject.
They were desperate to have a family.
Her and my brother, Ted.
But they never did.
Oh, well, they tried.
Three miscarriages, Gwen suffered.
And what effect did that have on Ted? He was devastated.
Turned to drink.
Slow suicide.
With Raymond Clandillon for company.
When Ted died, I did what I could for Gwen .
.
but I can never forgive Raymond.
That was good of you though, wasn't it, you know, to stay around and pick up the pieces? I did it for my brother.
Almost taking his place.
Up to a point.
Oh, yes, up to a point.
It's not as though you and Gwen were husband and wife.
Sergeant.
We've just been talking to Neville Hayward.
That sounds ominous.
What's he been telling you? Gwen, I was very interested in your attitude towards children, and Neville told me about your three miscarriages.
He had no right.
Was your husband, was Ted, the father in all three pregnancies? Or am I right in thinking that, in one case, the father was Nick Cheyney? This is none of your business.
I'm sorry but I think it is.
I am trying to find out who killed Nick Cheyney.
Since I believe he was the father of one of your unborn children, it's very much part of my investigation.
Where's all this come from? From your behaviour with Josh in the charity shop, when you found out that Nick Cheyney was his father.
.
.
that we know that Nick Cheyney was Josh's father? Oh, God! She was just about to go home, actually.
Nick's death has really upset her.
I couldn't believe that I was holding Nick's son after I'd killed our own.
I so wanted to have that child.
ButI couldn't do it to Ted.
Not after what we'd been through and so I let him think that I'd had a miscarriage.
What about Cheyney? He, ermmade all the arrangements.
He wasgood at that sort of thing.
Gwen, did you kill him? "They seek him here, they seek him there.
" And now I've found him.
What the hell are you doing? I thought somewhere private.
Somewhere suitably murky for a grubby little revelation.
Are you raving? I know your secret.
You're mad! And you do have a secret, don't you? I know, because I have it .
.
right here.
You killed Ted.
No.
Your own brother.
Just because he was married to Gwen.
Is that what it was with Cheyney? Was he too close to her for your liking? GWEN: Leave the village? Why? You can see the way Barnaby's thinking.
That we're in this together.
That we've exacted some kind of revenge on Nick Cheyney.
And why would he think that? Because he knows Cheyney wrecked your life.
So trust me, please.
We have to leave this village if we want to be together.
We are together.
You know what I mean.
Neville, I don't want to talk about this.
No.
I'm not allowed to mention the way I really feel.
Talk about that love that dare not speak its name.
Now you're being histrionic.
You can give yourself to a callous bastard like Nick Cheyney Stop it! Where did I go wrong? Made the mistake of actually caring for you, instead of treating you the way every other man in your life did, except Ted.
How many times did you expect him to look the other way? He never knew.
In our business? Impossible.
You must have known you were destroying him.
But you kept on playing the part.
"Poor Gwen, she was so in love with Ted.
" Must have been to put up with that brother of his all these years.
I know why you've put up with me.
And it's never gonna happen.
And if you can no longer accept that, then you'd better leave.
Now! MAN: Tom, you got five? Oh, Raymond.
It's you.
Not still down in the dumps? I've just had a terrible row with Neville.
Well, that's not difficult.
Here.
Have a few swigs of this.
I thought you'd stopped drinking.
I have.
But I'm like an old Saint Bernard bringing succour to those that need it.
So, you'll be on until two o'clock and then You haven't seen Gwen, have you? No, not for a while.
But she wasn't feeling too good earlier on.
She might have gone home with Neville, then.
More than likely.
Oh! Ron, Maria! (WHISTLES TO HIMSELF) (MOANS) ENGINE HISSES Are you all right? Bloody but unbowed.
In fact, not even bloody.
What happened? Had one of my turns.
Came off the road.
Still feel a bit groggy.
Right, I'll call for help.
Thanks.
Mine's in the car.
Where are you going? I forgot to turn the engine off.
No, wait a minute.
You wait there.
I'll do that.
Right, rescue vehicle's on its way.
Now, come on, Raymond.
Let's get you to A&E.
Oh, there's no need for that.
Yes, there is.
Come on, no arguments.
You've gotta be checked out.
Come on.
Uh, tell me.
You and Gwen Morrison Why do you get on so well? I suppose it's because we both once cared for the same man.
I thought you were supposed to be going out at eight.
It's nearly nine.
It's a girls' night out.
It's nothing to do with you.
Let's drop the pretence.
You're spending the night with Jack Braxton.
Of course.
I'm simply keeping up the facade of civilised duplicity.
Enjoy your evening withLady Blakeney, or whatever her name is.
Diane Just because I used Cheyney for my business, don't think that made me despise him any the less, or myself for having anything to do with him.
Why are you telling me this? Did you kill Nick? I'm just saying I'm sorry it had to come to this.
Why didn't you say that while there was still time? ALARM ACTIVATED DIALS NUMBER BEEPING LORRY ENGINE LIVELY CHATTER Terence.
Oh At the risk of sounding a little corny, a beautiful rose for a beautiful lady.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
(SNIFFS) Special occasion? A special drink for a special lady.
OK, don't move! That's enough Ince! Cuff him! I mean, I love the idea but, does it have to be the Sixties? It makes it much more expensive.
I know but we've got it down to about three million dollars.
We've got a production company in Maryland Mr Charteris.
Oh.
Chief Inspector.
There's been an attempted robbery up at the Manor.
Terry.
Uhattempted? Yes, sir, attempted.
Fortunately, we caught them in the act.
You don't seem very pleased, sir? DISORIENTATED COMMOTION Not very vigilant, Jed.
I was going to give you a ring, Jed, but I thought you'd prefer to hear the news in person.
All rounded up.
Didn't have to use the thumbscrews on Mr Ince.
He's already given us Charteris's name.
And yours.
Just as well you decided to change sides, eh? So a big thank you.
By the way, somebody tried to break into the props store earlier.
But we didn't find anyone.
We? Me and your PC, guarding the guillotine.
Constable! Give me the torch! Oh Oh, my Gwen.
There's no sign of Neville and his car's missing.
I've put out an APB.
Ah! The law never sleeps, eh? A bit early in the day to come calling, though.
Could say the same for you.
No car.
I've come to cadge a lift from Gwen.
What? Gwen Morrison won't be going to work today.
(MOCK GASP) Full name? That sounded official.
Gwen Gwen's body was found at the guillotine in the early hours of this morning.
Body? She's been beheaded.
I keep trying to picture it and block it out of my mind at the same time.
Oh, God.
How's Neville taking it? Well, we'll know that when we find him.
Gone missing? It appears so, yes.
Well, does that mean? Does it mean what? Well, Gwen dead.
Neville gone missing Do you think it's likely that Neville would have harmed her? Gwen? No, no.
He'd love to get me under that blade, but Gwen, never! There's no love lost between you two, is there? I'm afraid I might be partly responsible .
.
for him disappearing.
What's this? An anonymous letter.
Well, it was sent to Ted anonymously, anyway.
Telling him about his wife and Nick Cheyney.
Did Ted know who was responsible for this? No but it had to be from somebody wanting the marriage to break up.
Someone who was willing to spend without ever letting his true feelings show? That's why you're the Chief Inspector.
Took me years to work that out.
What did you do with it? Oh, I confronted him with it yesterday.
A grubby little revelation.
He was a snivelling wreck.
Because I have it right here.
'Especially when I threatened to show it to Gwen.
' And what would that achieve? It was a bluff.
I wouldn't have done that to her.
But Neville didn't know you were bluffing.
No.
I thought he deserved to sweat.
You know, Raymond, if Neville felt that strongly about Gwen, it must have been hard for him just living with her as a friend.
Torture.
But you'd be surprised how little someone will settle for when they're in love.
Mr Braxton You know why I'm here.
You're closing us down.
That is correct.
Before you make the announcement, may I just say a few words? Make it brief.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Could I have your attention, please? Quiet, please! We're going for a take! Quiet, please! Quiet, please! Thank you.
ErmI just wanted to say a few words about Gwen.
Most of us knew her in some capacity or other.
The people of the village remember a compassionate and caring woman.
The more venerable among us in the acting profession knew that side of her too, but we also remember a performer who was game for anything.
Who can forget the leather bikini, the whip and the stuffed swan? The Lovely Leida.
Well, the point is Gwen was a very special person, and however we choose to remember her, we should do our best to keep that memory alive.
Thank you.
"The Lovely Leida"? There was a side to Gwen that you knew nothing about in Midsomer Magna.
So Gwen hadn't returned home by the time you left the house yesterday evening, right? I didn't expect her to.
Why is that? I thought she was deliberately staying away till I'd gone.
Had she asked you to leave? Where did you plan to go? Plan? Do I look as though I had a plan? You know, everything points to Neville Hayward, sir.
Except for the fact that we picked him up at a 24-hour diner and the staff say he'd been sitting there since yesterday evening.
All during the time Gwen Morrison was guillotined.
So we let him go? Yes, well, we've got no choice, have we? Tell him not to leave the house without notifying us.
DS Jones.
Yeah.
Take Neville Hayward home, please.
Thanks.
On my way home, Tom.
George.
Butwe found traces of Oramorph in Gwen Morrison's body.
Did you? Enough to render her unconscious before she was killed? Definitely.
So they were both unconscious by the time the killer laid them under the blade of the guillotine.
That's why there was no sign of a struggle from either her or Cheyney.
I still don't see how it's possible to get them there without being seen or heard.
No, me neither.
Especially Gwen.
I mean, OK, the killer broke into the props store as a diversion but that wouldn't have given him the time he needed, would it? No.
Unless Unless the body was already at the guillotine.
The cart full of headless dummies.
Sir? Headless dummies, Jones.
He should have been driving them away from the guillotine, not towards it! George Come back, I want you to be part of this.
The Oramorph.
you said it was available on prescription, yes? At any high street chemist.
Or hospital pharmacy.
That's how he knew where it was.
Raymond, let's get you to A&E.
Oh, there's no need for that.
Oh, yes, there is.
Come on, no arguments.
When I drove him to the hospital there were roadworks.
There were diversions, but he knew the way round them.
Because he'd been there before.
Is he suffering from terminal cancer? Any way of confirming that, George? A post mortem.
Well, use your clout with the hospital.
Not in my remit.
Thank you, George.
Thank you.
I don't any more, as you know.
But I thought you might like a little pick-me-up.
Oh.
You suspected, didn't you, that Neville was in love with Raymond and jealous of him spending so much time with Ted.
That's when I thought Neville was gay, but he isn't.
But Raymond is! What if, during the many hours he spent consoling Ted in the various pubs and bars, Raymond fell in love with him? Without Ted realising? And when Ted died of the booze and the broken heart, caused by Gwen and Cheyney, then Raymond would have been devastated and very angry.
But why wait 15 years to take your revenge? He's dying.
He's got nothing left to lose.
He's settling old scores.
And his car I didn't realise it was still running.
His engine was still running but I couldn't hear it.
It explains why Freddie Greenaway didn't hear a second car engine outside the hotel the night of Cheyney's murder, doesn't it? Clandillon took Cheyney to the film set in his car.
If he was in love with Ted, he'd have a reason to kill Cheyney and Gwen.
And Neville Hayward for sending Ted that letter.
DOORBELL No sign of movement, sir.
Film set.
(RAYMOND GROANS) RUNNING FOOTSTEPS Chief Inspector.
I must applaud your sense of the dramatic.
Unfortunately, your timing's just a little bit out.
There is no point in this.
Oh, I think there is.
I'm not prepared to let the people responsible for Ted's death go unpunished.
But you've already done what you've set out to do, haven't you? You came to Midsomer to catch up with Nick Cheyney and you've done that.
And having Gwen here made it so much easier to lure him to his fate.
'You waited outside the hotel for him to get back from his dinner at the Manor.
And you knew he'd be drunk, didn't you? And then what? I suppose you told him that Gwen wanted to see him?' 'Given the history between them, I knew he'd be curious.
' (LAUGHS) Top quality malt.
I knew it! I knew you were still drinking.
I suppose you know this means you're fired.
Finish it off.
'The whisky was spiked with Oramorph.
' You have been doing your homework.
And then what? I suppose you parked a little way away from the film set and advised Cheyney to get rid of the security guard so his meeting with Gwen wouldn't be seen.
It's as though you were there.
You're dying, Raymond.
Why would you be bothered about being caught? Well, I wasn't.
And there was still Gwen and Neville to be taken care of.
Raymond Cheyney I can understand.
Neville, yes, maybe.
But Gwen? I mean, why Gwen? Surely Gwen was thechief victim? Victim?! Gwen was a more than willing partner in their squalid little affair.
So in your eyes she was as guilty as Cheyney.
More so.
Oh, Raymond.
It's you.
'I bided my time.
Gave her a few swigs from my hip flask.
Specially prepared.
' 'Whisky and Oramorph.
' Do you know, Raymond? You are doing him a great favour.
You think so? Yes, I do.
He wouldn't want to wake up to the memories he'd have to live with.
CRUNCH Don't come any closer, Sergeant.
(MOUTHS) A rather squalid attempt at reverse psychology, Chief Inspector.
But it's worked.
He'd much prefer oblivion to a living hell.
Here.
You want this.
No, not really.
I had that lock changed.
I wanted to see what you'd do.
And I made the noble gesture.
Appropriate, really the Scarlet Pimpernel.
"It's a far, far better thing I do" That's A Tale Of Two Cities.
Is it? Typical of my life.
I'm in someone else's story again.
By the way, thanks for telling me about changing the lock.
Oh, sorry.
I was sweating cobs back there.
Yeah, sorry.
It was a last-minute decision.
Oh, it's just as well.
He was going for the hat trick.
I mean Cheyney, Neville, I can understand.
But I had no idea how he really felt about Gwen.
I think he'd be very pleased, very proud, if he could hear you saying that.
Sir? Well, obviously he saved his best performance till last.
ASHLEY MORRISON