Shameless US s10e11 Episode Script

1 Ah, you wanna see what happened last week? No, no, you know what? Fuck Get outta here.
We're not tellin' you shit.
Go go, go, go.
Jesus, Mick.
Shoulda watched the last time.
How'd you get this job? - Someone recommended me.
- Ah Friends in high places, huh? [Vin.]
We're the top garbage crew in the city, Carl.
Strikes me as a little suspicious.
Or I could stay here with you, have fun like we did when we were kids.
Jeez We are totally relat We're fuckin' cousins! There's literally no way I'm going to the homecoming dance with you.
[Julia.]
You don't have to go, but if you don't, I'm definitely gonna tell my mom that you went down on me three no, four times? Shouldn't you be in school? Got more important stuff to do gotta find Frank.
He's like a cat.
He'll be back.
If I don't find him soon, they're gonna kick me outta school.
It's haunted, Frank.
How big is this house? [Faye.]
Nine bedrooms, including the master.
But that's mostly just storage for my father's single-malt scotch collection.
This one looks really old.
Mr.
Gallagher, welcome to Placid Journeys.
I gotta say, this is nothing like the rehab facility I was sent to back in the day.
Me, Tami, and Fred are movin' to Milwaukee.
[Lip.]
The family gave us an old house up there, and I'll still be around, you know, on weekends and, uh, holidays, stuff like that.
I love you, Mickey Milkovich.
A-and if you let me, I-I'd like to - spend the rest of my life - Jesus Christ.
Save the fuckin' speech, you pussy.
I'll marry you.
[rock music.]
Think of all the luck you got Know that it's not for naught You were beaming once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Round up the friends you got Know that they're not for naught You were willing once before But it's not like that anymore What is this downside That you speak of? What is this feeling You're so sure of? Mickey! Mickey! I know you're in there, you fuckin' homo! Hey, Mick, You faggy faggot! [Terry.]
You're never gonna marry that Gallagher queer, you hear me? Mickey! Hey, your dad's here.
[Terry.]
Hey, you want a Pride parade? - Yeah.
- How 'bout I slice off your pansy dicks and stick 'em on a fuckin' float? I got a little conversion therapy for you.
You suck a dick, you die.
Would you shut the fuck up? You're annoying the shit outta everybody.
Well, if it isn't the little shirt lifter.
Just want you to know You marry a man, I'ma put a fuckin' bullet in your head.
- Simple as that.
- Why wait, bitch? I'm standin' right here, Charlottesville.
Oh, look at that we must shop at the same gun show.
The fuck happened to you? You know what they say The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
It does if it lands on a dick! Aw, please, stop.
I get it, all right? - You're proud a me.
- You must really love cock.
[trigger clicks.]
I definitely love one.
[rock music.]
Don't say I didn't warn ya, cocksmoker.
Good talk, Pops.
So when you movin' to Milwaukee? I don't know.
You don't sound very excited about it.
Yeah, well it is Milwaukee.
Free house, though, right? Yeah, I mean, it's a nice house.
Nice neighborhood.
Yard.
Well, damn.
Jackpot.
Saw an actual birdhouse with birds in it.
Uh, not drugs.
- Birds.
- [door opens, closes.]
[Mickey.]
Morning.
[Ian.]
So, how's your dad? You know, don't think he's gonna be my best man.
Hey, what's up, punk? Ready for school? Can't go to school until Frank signs a form.
- What form? - That says I live here.
Just drop out.
I can't drop out.
I'm ten.
[Lip.]
Give it to me.
I'll sign it.
[Liam.]
Gotta be a parent.
- I can fake Frank's signature.
- So can I.
- [Mickey.]
Same here.
- [Liam.]
School says that he has to sign it in person.
[Ian.]
Well, you know where Frank is? [Liam.]
Livin' with some lady up in Glencoe.
- He drives a Rolls Royce.
- [Lip.]
Unbelievable! - [Ian.]
Oh, good for him.
- Anyone want to go with me? [all.]
No.
Hey, hey, you got money for the El? - Yeah.
- All right, drop us a pin when you get there so we know you're safe.
- Got it.
- [Lip.]
Thanks.
So you gonna talk to Tami about Milwaukee, or I dunno.
[Mickey.]
Milwaukee sucks ass.
I mean, you should probably tell her how you feel about it, right? - [click, thud.]
- [Ian.]
Lip? Yeah.
Yeah, no, I got it.
Thanks.
[Lip sighs.]
You ever try to get me to move to Milwaukee, I'll fuckin' murder you.
- [applause.]
- Thanks, thank you.
Thank you.
I just wanna say, before I go, this last month has been a great journey and one I couldn't have survived without all of you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[indistinct murmuring.]
Um I found myself alone in the woods on a snowy night, and there came a fork in the road one, a path that led to addiction.
The other path also led to addiction, but I turned the sleigh around, and it has made all the difference.
Wha-W-Walt Whitman has always been a personal favorite of mine.
Anyway, I'm outta the woods, and I hope you all will join me there.
I love you guys.
Good-bye.
[laughing.]
Gimme five! Thank you, thank you! I love you, I love you, I love you.
I'll see you all again! Na na na na Na, na na na na Na na na na-na Na na na na What are you doin'? This place is for rent.
We should call the number, check it out.
- Why would we do that? - Because I need a thing.
You have a thing.
I need a thing.
- And it's right next door.
- [Veronica.]
Why? [Kev sighs.]
Oh, I'm finally comin' to terms with the fact that I'm never gonna play in the NBA.
You were never gonna play in the NBA.
Well, not now, V, because I'm retiring from basketball.
I would think you'd be a little more compassionate.
We have so many other things to be thankful for.
Oh, like what? You own a bar, you have a hot wife and two beautiful girls.
Okay, that is good.
But where do I go from here, V? What is the next chapter of my life? Is there even a next chapter? Or is this just it? Dry cleaner.
- What? - We could open up - a dry cleaner.
- No.
- Mattress store.
- Uh-uh.
- Think tank.
- What the hell is a think tank? It's where people sit around and think.
That's the Alibi.
[car horn honks.]
Frank! Frank.
[engine hums.]
I went to confession.
Father reminded me that an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.
And Kyle told me I need to let it go.
He was not happy.
He wants to kill you himself when he gets out.
Oh, well, I'll tell his parole board to keep me posted.
Are you okay? Reasonable.
Good chow.
Lotta sleep.
Too much talking, but Maybe when I get back from Puerto Rico, we can grab a coffee? What's in Puerto Rico? My family's estate.
I spend the winters down there.
Huh.
When you going? This afternoon.
I'll come find you when I get back, okay? Okay.
[car door opens, closes.]
Safe travels.
[funky music.]
Ha ha ha.
[distant chatter.]
[man.]
Hold on a sec.
Okay.
[chatter continues.]
Hey, Milton.
- Oh, what's up, Lip? - What up, man? I thought you were, uh, in the Persian Gulf or some shit.
- On leave.
- Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what's goin' on? Y-your dad's movin' out? Moved on funeral was a few days ago.
Oh, shit, I'm sorry, man.
That's fine.
He was sick for a while.
Now I gotta try to get rid of all this stuff, try to sell this dump.
Are you still livin' that same house with Frank? Yeah, unfortunately, he's still alive, so Damn.
That's a surprise.
Hey, man, how much you askin'? No idea.
We got mold behind the walls, roof leaks.
Rat shit everywhere.
Got a ton of stuff I gotta fix before my leave's up.
Yeah, I wouldn't put too much into it.
Some yuppie's just gonna buy it and gut it anyway.
Mm.
I don't have time for this shit.
- Gotta get back to base.
- San Diego? - Norfolk.
- Right, yeah, no, that's That's right.
All right, well, hey, I'm sorry again.
- Be good, yeah? - Thanks, man.
[Milton.]
Hey, asshole, just kick it onto the truck next time You'll do less damage.
[rock music.]
You were pretty hard on those real estate people.
What's up with the open house thing? You ask a lotta questions, Gallagher.
You know who asks questions? Cops.
[Vin.]
Look at this asshole parked in the alley.
[bangs on truck.]
Yo, hold up! You a cop, Carl? Hell, no.
Come on, man.
[rock music.]
[taps truck twice.]
[knock on door.]
[TV playing softly.]
[Debbie.]
Ugh, what do you want? Sorry to interrupt crack baby time.
Hey, Franny, this is this is what happens when you hook up with a conniving bitch.
She blackmails you.
And when you're a ghetto whore teen mom, you become a prostitute so you can pay your bills.
[Debbie.]
What are you doing here? - I bought you a gift.
- How sweet of you.
Now, I figured you probably wouldn't have anything nice to wear to the dance, since they don't sell formal wear at Costco.
A tuxedo? You want me to wear this to the dance? Yeah.
I'm wearin' the dress.
- [scoffs.]
- [laughs.]
My mom text you? She wants me to meet her at some boutique.
Yeah, don't do it.
She wants to buy me a birthday gift to give to her even though I already got her one.
What'd you get her? A T-shirt I was gonna give to Goodwill.
- Thoughtful.
- She doesn't care.
She'll buy herself something, wrap it, hand it to me, and then I'll hand it back to her and say, "Happy birthday.
" It's such bullshit.
[Debbie.]
Should I get her something too? No.
No, she'll pick something out for you then pay for it just so she can say, "Look what Debbie got me for my birthday.
" Okay.
See you at the Chastain Hotel.
7 p.
m.
Don't be late.
[light music.]
What do ya think? I'm sending a letter to the "Player Gazette" about my pending retirement from the game I love.
- [laughs.]
What? - Can we hear it? [clears throat.]
"Dear basketball" That's all I have so far.
- [Tommy.]
Good start, though.
- [Kermit.]
Promising.
It's not even mine.
I stole it from Kobe.
Plus, apparently, I need reading glasses now? God, gettin' old sucks.
The other day, I found hair in my ear lots a hair.
- Oh, it gets worse.
- Half my life is over.
More than half.
- What? I'm only 38.
- The life expectancy for an average white man is 76.
- Exactly.
- The life expectancy for a poor white man from the South Side is 70 - if you're lucky.
- [Kermit.]
Shit, am I dead? [Veronica.]
I'm just saying you're definitely coming down the mountain.
[Kev.]
, V, that's why we gotta expand, increase our revenue so we can retire by 60.
Live a little before we die.
Retirement is for rich people.
Poor people drop dead on the job.
- What is happening? - Just a little bit a research.
How's the guest list coming? What? For the wedding.
Who you inviting? - Uh, I don't have a list.
- Well, you need a list.
I mean, if I don't know how many people are comin' to the wedding, how do I know what size venue we need for the reception? We're having a reception? At a venue? We're having a wedding wedding? Jesus Christ, do you think this stuff just magically happens? - You gotta plan shit.
- A month ago, you were ready to get hitched at City Hall and now you want a real wedding? A lot can happen in a month.
For example, your fuckhead dad threatenin' to murder you again 'cause you're gay.
That's what this is about Terry? Yup.
Anything to make that miserable fuck more miserable.
So gimme your guest list, I'll work on your vows, and I will follow up with the soloist.
- W-A fucking soloist? - Yeah, not just any soloist.
Motherfucker needs to be able to rock Livin' on a Prayer, acoustic, hard.
Also, I'm gonna want a shit-ton a candles, so get those, uh [snaps.]
church boys ready.
- Acolytes? - I don't care what they're called the little shits that light the candles.
You know? [paper tears.]
Here ya go.
Wrote it down for ya.
Oh, well, this is cute.
Hey, why do you buy Julia's gifts for her? Because, if I leave it up to her, she'll just give me some unthoughtful piece of junk if she gives me anything at all.
Oh.
Do you have plans tonight? Tonight? Why? Well, I'm having dinner with my friends to celebrate my birthday Nothing fancy But it'd be so much more fun if you were there.
[small laugh.]
I thought we were celebrating - your birthday tomorrow.
- Yeah, Tasha has to go outta town for work, so we moved it to tonight.
Uh just tonight I-I have family stuff.
You know, Franny.
I would pay for a sitter.
And everyone is dying to meet you.
Plus, Julia can't come.
She's going to some dance thing.
Yeah, I'm-I'm sorry, I-I really wish I could.
You know what? It's no big deal.
We'll just celebrate it without you.
Well, you and I can still celebrate tomorrow night, - right? - Ugh, no, thanks.
At my age, one birthday party is painful enough.
It's fine.
I don't need my girlfriend at my birthday party.
Uh how 'bout I see what I can do? Really? Are you sure? Yeah, no, it's your friends and your birthday dinner.
I can't miss that, right? Oh, my God, that would be the best gift ever.
[laughs.]
I mean, besides this bag I'm going to buy you to give me.
[small laugh.]
Since it's your birthday, there's one condition.
I get to pick the restaurant.
Of course.
[exhales.]
[funky rock music.]
Oh Oh oh [percussive rhythm.]
Hey, yeah-ea-ah Hey, yeah-ea-ah [doorbell tune ringing.]
Hello! - [continues knocking.]
- Anybody home? [glass clattering under feet.]
Hello! Anybody home? Ha ha ha! Hoo, yeah! Yeah! [light music.]
[eerie cry.]
Whoa! Easy, ladies.
What's up, boss? [Carl.]
What's up? Otis wants you to bust into that house and take a shit in the living room.
Why do I need to take a shit in their living room? Because Otis told you to.
What if I don't need to take a shit? When Otis says take a shit, your only question should be, "How big?" You wanna prove you're not a cop, shit in the living room.
I don't need it.
[edgy pop music.]
Ooh I'm a boss, baby baby, I'm a boss I'm a boss, baby baby, I'm a boss I'm a oh oh oh oh Ooh [hoarsely.]
Ahh.
[clears throat.]
Oh [music stops.]
[doorbell rings.]
[pounding on door.]
- [ringing.]
- [pounding.]
[pounding continues.]
[Frank.]
Oh, damn! I been to every home in Glencoe looking for you finally found the one with the Rolls Royce.
Were you followed Does anyone else know I'm here? - Nobody.
- Whaddaya want? I need you to sign a form at my school or else I can't go anymore.
Well, why would I do that? I wanna go to school, Frank.
Well, people in Hell want cold beer.
What's in it for me? I'll call Child Services.
You're my father.
You've abandoned me.
Well played, son.
But I'm re-abandoning you right after this is done.
Wait outside.
I used a different entrance.
Hey, so there's this house over on Kingscross.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You know, it's a total dump, but, uh, you know, it's probably gonna go for nothin', and, uh, with a little bit a work, could be nice.
You thinking about buyin' a house in the South Side even though you're movin' to Milwaukee? No.
No, no, no.
I was just thinkin', you know, could be a good investment for somebody, though.
[sniffs.]
You know, fix it up, flip it.
Did you ever do anything like that? [laughs.]
I never have to worry about what I would or wouldn't do.
Mr.
Tamietti paid the down payment on my house, loaned me the money to start Born Free.
He decides what I do.
I'm the definition of limited options.
- Hi.
- [Brad.]
Hi, Tam.
Hey.
I gave notice at the salon today.
Which means I told Liza to eat shit and die.
- [Tami laughs.]
- Oh, wow.
Really? Yeah? Burned that bridge! Ah ha.
Nice one.
Congrats.
And I found a salon near Nana's place where I can rent out a chair.
Wow, already? Really wow Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's sweet.
[gasps.]
Oh, also, my Uncle Will works at Briggs & Stratton in Milwaukee.
Says they're always looking for new mechanics.
I mean, I could have my dad give him a call.
Uh what's going on? What's goin' on? Nothin'.
Yeah, I'm workin'.
Why? You're being weird.
Yeah, no, sorry, I just I just remembered I gotta close the loop on a couple things, so What loops? Look, I just quit my job.
Oh, yeah, I know.
Uh, it's all good, all right? Everything's everything's fine.
What? Uh ooh, nothin', uh nothin'.
Nothin'.
It's got, uh, two beds, one bath, and, you know, I mean, I I-it needs some work, but well, it's a good house.
Now, what do you think? This place is a shithole.
Well, I-I'm just lookin' at options, all right? I mean, did you know that Milwaukee gets even colder than Chicago in the wintertime? And-and you know that we're gonna be the ones that have to check in on your nana every week at the old folks' home and anytime she needs anything.
Uh-huh.
Look, I don't know Honestly, I feel kinda guilty, you know, takin' charity from your family.
[huffs.]
You gotta be kidding me.
It's what 100 feet from your family's house? What about a tire store? - [Veronica.]
No! - [Tommy.]
Ah, wow [Kev.]
Barber shop? Nail salon.
[TV plays in background.]
Dreams are stupid.
Dreams aren't stupid.
- Stupid ideas are stupid.
- [loud sigh.]
Nail salon but for men.
[Tommy.]
We could definitely use another Subway.
Or a check-cashing place.
[Veronica.]
We don't need another check-cashing place.
Plus, all those things require big start-up costs.
V, we should contact that realtor.
That place is gonna rent out soon.
You don't even have a business plan.
The business plan is to rent out the place.
[Veronica.]
Not until you know what kinda business you wanna start and how much it's gonna cost to get it up and running Inventory, labor A business plan.
- Keg's kicked.
- Oh I have an idea.
How 'bout a business where you sell beer, and when the keg is empty, you replace it.
- I got it.
- [clang.]
I think that fulfills my fatherly obligation.
Congratulations, son.
You get to keep goin' to school.
See ya.
Frank, wait.
That new house that you're living in is pretty sweet.
Bet they have good schools.
I wanna live with you.
Oh I bet ya do.
Unfortunately, pal, we just don't have the space.
I need you on the South Side lookin' after the-the business.
What business? Finding easy, innovative ways to make money without working.
That's the Gallagher family business.
I built it from scratch.
I put in the hours.
Turned it into the thriving racket you see today.
And now, as Chairman Emeritus, I'm naming you my successor.
But I miss you.
[laughing.]
Nice try, son.
[laughing.]
"I miss you.
" Yeah [laughing.]
[continues laughing.]
[engine turns, revs.]
[muttering.]
[laughing.]
"Miss you.
" [man.]
A true gentleman should be able to tie a proper bow tie, full stop.
Only a schoolboy should ever - ever be allowed to wear - [knock on door.]
It's open! - Hey.
- Hey.
- [door closes.]
- [video continues.]
That's a lotta wedding rings.
It's for Mickey.
He said he wanted to see some options.
Something borrowed, right? Or stolen from Zales.
I'm gonna return them.
[man.]
your tie around your neck.
What the hell are you watching? Trying to figure out how to tie a bow tie.
I know how to tie a bow tie.
- Really? - Yeah.
[video continues.]
[man.]
Adjust the tie so the right side is an inch to an inch and a half longer.
There you go.
Beautiful.
What's this for? - Homecoming dance.
- Why in the hell are you going to a homecoming dance? It's not my choice.
This girl I know, Julia, is wearing the dress.
Why does she get to wear the dress? Is this some kind of power move? I don't know, but if her wearing a dress makes her feel powerful, then good for her.
Maybe that's the final wave.
I don't know what that means.
The problem is, I also have a dinner tonight with Julia's mom.
And neither one knows about the other? [laughs.]
[tch.]
You little slut.
[both chuckle.]
I try.
- We really need flowers? - Hell, yeah.
Stargazer lilies, motherfucker.
How can I help you? Hey, so, uh, I'm gettin' married, and we'd love to see what you have in the way of Stargazer lilies.
[clerk.]
Let me show you some photos.
This is the Sierra Sunset - Mm-hmm.
- And this is what we call - Beyond Blue.
- That's gorgeous.
Especially because we get them at the perfect time Right before they open, so they're spectacular on your blessed day.
Yeah, I bet.
Hey, I like the blue ones.
- Yeah? - Sure.
- Are you the best man? - Uh, no, I'm the the groom? The official partner.
I don't know we haven't really talked about it yet.
So you're h-homosexuals? No, well, he is I just like having another man's dick in my ass.
I'm s-sorry.
I'm afraid we don't do business with your With your what? - Uh, w-we don't believe - Finishing sentences, Grandma? - [Ian.]
Mickey.
- That what you don't believe in? Sodomy is a sin.
You know what else is a sin? Stabbing a fucking bitch in the heart - [Ian.]
Okay yeah.
- That's a sin! Gonna sodomize you, you wrinkly fucking Q-tip.
- [Ian.]
No.
- I'm gonna come back and carve my initials in your fuckin' gums! [TV drones in background.]
Kevin.
My man.
Oh, God.
Dude, I've been texting you.
Did you get my texts? No.
I blocked your phone number.
W Okay, look [light laugh.]
I'm sorry about the other night.
I know things got a little, uh Racist? Yeah, we thought when a poor couple - agrees to be auctioned off - No.
Again, sorry.
I'm only here to claim the other thing that we won at the auction.
What? My personal training session.
- Huh? - Yeah, you said at the auction the winner gets a personal training session.
Right now? I'm bored with my trainer at Equinox.
He's always late because he's training some guys from the Bulls before me.
Look, I can always come back if you're busy, but I [sighs.]
I No.
No, no, no.
You know what? Right now is a perfect time.
We just got a delivery.
Follow me.
I start every workout with what I like to call keg lifts simple.
All you gotta do is take these kegs into the bar.
It's great for your core.
- Does that really work - [Kev.]
Look at me, Lorne.
Never step foot in a gym.
Wow.
Okay.
[upbeat music.]
Yeah, use your legs, not your back.
There ya go.
All right.
Flex your base.
[strained groan.]
[door hinges creak.]
[classical music.]
[music continues.]
Hello? Anybody home? [operatic singing.]
Hello? [murmurs.]
[operatic singing continues.]
[huffs.]
[music stops.]
[clock ticking.]
There ya go.
Only eight more kegs.
All right.
Good.
All right, all right, all right.
- Bro, do you even lift? - [panting.]
[murmurs, panting.]
Uh, Pilates and I play squash.
What the fuck is squash? All right, man, here we go.
We're gonna burn some muscles.
[exhales through teeth.]
Like that.
Keep your back straight.
Use your legs.
Don't forget to breathe.
All right, all right, okay.
- Uhhh - [Kev.]
Wow! - All right, good.
- [Lorne groans.]
- Uh oh uh - [Kev.]
See? Now you know it's workin' How can you be a florist and not do business with the gays? Doesn't matter, all right? She'll be dead soon anyway.
Whatever you lined up a caterer, right? - Yes.
- You got the Chiavari chairs? - Yes! - Gold ones with the white cushions? Yes! It's about time.
Kay, I took a shit in somebody's living room.
What the fuck's going on? [Vin.]
Let's just say the Department of Sanitation runs this town.
[door bell jingles.]
[background chatter.]
[TV in background.]
V, Lorne went on social media and said it was the best workout he's ever had.
Now all his yuppie friends wanna train with me.
I just got two texts.
This could be huge.
- Wow, two texts.
- This is it, V.
I found my calling.
This is my next chapter.
Like when Ditka retired from coaching, opened a steakhouse.
Yeah, what's the name a that place? Ditka's.
So a full keg is about 160 pounds.
- This is about a 50? - [Veronica.]
That is not a 50.
That is $200 worth of beer.
Put that back.
V, I can't use empty kegs.
- They're like 30 pounds.
- Too bad.
V the longest part of a journey is always the first step.
- Says who? - Fortune cookie.
This is it, V some people wait their entire lives for a moment like this, a moment of clarity.
[TV announcer continues in background.]
- [commotion.]
- [overlapping yelling.]
That's a lotta people to hunt one fox.
Not a fair fight.
[Mame.]
in front of all these people.
Fix the animal in the eye with a masterful gaze.
The boots don't fit.
[laughs.]
[piano playing classical music.]
[click.]
[music stops.]
[suspenseful music.]
[plays notes.]
[tense, suspenseful music.]
Shit.
[rap music ring tone.]
- Hello? - [Frank.]
Hey, buddy.
It's your dear old dad.
How you doin'? What do you want, Frank? Um boy, it was great seeing ya today.
You're drunk, right? Ha ha ha ha.
You, growin' up so fast.
Uh it got me to thinkin'.
I-I'd love to spend more time together.
- When? - How 'bout right now? It took me hours to get there this morning.
So, uh, so I'll see ya in a few hours? No way.
Maybe tomorrow after school.
Uh, I was I was hopin' you'd get here before dark.
- That's all.
- Sorry.
Hey, Liam.
What? Uh I miss you.
Right.
Bye, Frank.
[tense music.]
So, what do you think? What are these? They're the chairs you wanted.
Was I not clear? Where the fuck are the Chiavari chairs? - These are the Chiavaris.
- You shut the fuck up.
You I could not have been more specific.
I asked you to find me a caterer who had the gold Chiavaris with the white cushions.
You had one job.
Uh, that was my fault, I thought we had those, but I was mistaken.
[Ian.]
But I-I think that any of these could work God damn it, why does everything always have to suck? This is my fucking wedding day! For one day.
For one day can I have the gold Chiavaris with the white cushions?! [chair pieces clattering.]
- I mean, I-I can call around - I thought I told you to shut the fuck up! Are you retarded? - Uh - Huh, Brooks? - Answer me! - Uh, yes.
- Yes, you're retarded! - I'm retarded.
Which is why we had the fucking mix-up! - I'm sorry.
- [chair piece clatters.]
This is my fault.
I put too much on your plate.
Hey.
- Did you find Frank? - Yeah.
Where is everybody? [sighs.]
Debbie went to a dance, Carl's at work, Ian's with Mickey, Fiona moved, and now you're moving to Milwaukee.
You gonna be all right, buddy? Yeah.
I'm just gonna miss everyone being around.
Cheers.
- [women chuckling.]
- Oh, look at this bag that Debbie got me for my birthday.
- [Madison.]
That is so cute! - [Tasha.]
Oh, my God! I know, I love it.
[Madison.]
You have good taste.
- [Claudia.]
Yes, she does.
- [Tasha.]
And good skin.
God, look at your skin! I used to have skin like that.
- Bullshit.
- [Debbie laughs.]
And your hair I love the color.
- Who does it? - I do it.
I'm so jealous.
Mm, I bet you are.
[chuckles.]
So what do 19-year-olds like to do these days? Watch TV shows about suicide, do drugs.
Protest shit we don't know much about.
- [scattered laughs.]
- I'm just kidding.
I don't really know.
I work a lot.
I'm a welder.
You're a welder? Not as of lately, but yeah.
[Madison.]
Oh, my God, that's incredible.
- Like Jennifer Beals.
- [gasps.]
[both.]
In Flashdance.
- [Debbie laughs.]
- [Tasha.]
Oh I'm gonna need another drink.
Uh, hey, I'm gonna run to the ladies' room real quick.
- Okay.
- I'll be right back.
Do you need me to go with you? Uh, no.
[Tasha.]
You're an asshole.
You're both assholes.
Stop it.
[women giggling.]
[pop/rock music.]
Whoa Creepy little sneaky little foreign places Terrifying territories I can't take it It's a great big atlas - Yeah - [phone rings.]
I'm feelin' dumb Calm down.
I'll be there in a second.
When you've gotten what you want Maybe I should start over There's nothing left to want Up and at 'em again You don't know what you want - [song continues on speakers.]
- [Julia.]
Hey.
There she is.
- Seriously? - When you've gotten - What you want - Come on.
Maybe I should start over Remember, you're desperately in love with me.
[Mickey.]
Thank God you're here.
I'm bringing Sandy in to deal with the invitations and a few other details moving forward.
- Wait what? Why? - 'Cause too many things are slippin' through the cracks, Gallagher.
The chairs were a fuckin' shit-show.
Also, Sandy's getting me my best man.
You line up your best man yet? Not yet, no.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
You sure you still wanna go through with this? Yes.
Why? Terry's back at the house making hollow-tip bullets.
- Calls 'em Pansy Poppers.
- [Mickey.]
Fuck him.
You ask Debbie if Franny can be the flower girl? [Sandy.]
Yeah, I sent her a text.
Thank you.
This is still about Terry, right? You don't give a shit about weddings.
Where the fuck's your ring? I must have left it next to the sink.
I can't even.
- I can see why you called.
- [exhales.]
[loud thud.]
[thud.]
[uneasy music.]
[uneasy music continues.]
[thudding, clattering.]
[teapot whistling.]
- [man.]
Hey! - Ah shit! Who the hell are you? I'm house sitting.
Who the hell are you? I'm Jean-Luc, the gardener.
Miss Faye asked me to look after the place - while she's in Puerto Rico.
- That's funny, 'cause she never mentioned anything about it to me.
Well, she never mentioned you either.
Why's all the furniture covered, hmm? I'm just using the second floor.
You know what? I'm gonna call her.
- We will straighten this out.
- Go ahead.
Um I don't have her number.
I do.
I'll call her.
Fine.
Call her.
I'm not goin' anywhere.
Oh, I'm calling.
Tell her Frank says hello.
Oh, and tell her the yard guy is gonna stay in her house while she's gone.
I'm not the yard guy, asshole.
- Who the hell are you again? - I'm her boyfriend.
[laughs.]
Funny, she never mentioned anything about having any boyfriend.
Oh, you mean she didn't share her romantic status with the yard guy? Stop callin' me the yard guy.
- I'm callin' the cops.
- Oh, go ahead, ha ha.
And tell them there's been a break-in, 'cause I have house keys.
How did you get in? I thought you were gonna call Miss Faye.
- I am.
- Well, then do it.
I'm calling her right now.
- I'm not supposed to be here.
- Well, no shit.
- Me neither.
- I didn't know anyone was upstairs I thought I was hearin' things.
Where were you I thought the place was haunted! I stay in the basement.
- Do you play a piano? - Yes.
Thank God.
Hey, maybe, uh we can both live here, huh? Come on, it's a big house.
There's plenty of room for the both of us.
Fine.
I'll take the second floor.
You can keep the basement.
- First floor neutral.
- Sure, first floor's neutral.
What do you got, Gallagher? So, sanitation department's in bed with the real estate developers.
Bribe them to either pick up the trash, make the neighborhood look like shit.
That way, they can influence the rent, property value, all of it.
Son of a bitch.
And it's all overseen by this cat named Otis.
Get in.
Nice work, Gallagher.
Seriously, this is good stuff.
So I'm undercover.
No.
Y-you're an informant.
Call it what you want, but I'm undercover.
You're not undercover.
I took a shit in somebody's house, sir.
So they trust me.
Pretty sure that makes me undercover.
You're not undercover.
Oh.
I gotcha.
No, I don't think you do.
So what now? Bring in the FBI? FBI? Hell, no! I want a slice.
Oh.
Of what? The money.
Course.
So we're not the good cops? Not at all.
But seriously, hey.
Nice work.
Keep it up.
See if we can't get ya a good fake I.
D.
, maybe waive that minimum age restriction, get you in the Academy.
You'll make one hell of a cop some day, Gallagher.
Thank you, sir.
Proud to be of service.
[pop/rock playing.]
Hey, where are you going? Throwing my crack baby in the dumpster.
I'm goin' to the bathroom.
[background chatter.]
- [women chuckling.]
- Sorry.
- Hey, are you okay? - UTI.
- [Madison.]
So adorable.
- [Tanya.]
So 19.
To crow's feet? [giggling.]
[dinner music playing.]
- Kev Ball's Keg Zone.
- [Tommy.]
Cool.
I'm gonna train people using kegs.
Observe.
Keg curls.
- [Veronica.]
Wow.
- [Tommy.]
Whistles.
Keg-cline push-ups.
- [Kermit.]
Sweet.
- [Veronica.]
Okay.
Keg plank.
You wanna try it, V? [Kev.]
Keg squats.
Uh, Kermit, you might wanna start off with a empty one.
I don't wanna do this, but I think other people will.
All right, Kermit, stay positive.
V, keep your back straight.
- [groans.]
- [Kev.]
Good.
How do we decide who gets to walk down the aisle? Depends on who's the bride and who's the groom.
Either way, we need a videographer, 'cause I need to tape Terry to a chair and make him watch the shit over and over again.
Why can't we both be grooms? - I don't know.
- Can't we just be - Ian and Mickey? - Look, I don't God damn it, you and Sandy.
I don't know.
[mellow rock playing.]
[Mickey.]
Can I help you? She said we gotta hold on To what we got It doesn't make a difference - If we make it or not - How the fuck did you know that? Little bird told me.
We got each other And that's a lot for love You're a sneaky bastard.
We'll give it a shot Whoa, we're halfway there - [off-key.]
- Whoa Livin' on a prayer now [upbeat music.]
- Right.
Proof.
- What? Nothing.
Thank you.
I wanna dance.
Seriously? Would you like more scotch? Oh, you know it.
- Ahh.
Thank you.
- Mm.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ahh.
- Mind if I smoke? - Not at all.
Is that crack? I don't smoke crack.
It's crystal meth.
Would you like some? Oh, it's gonna be a good winter, yard guy.
[slow rock.]
[dance music continues in background.]
[Claudia.]
Nice boutonniere.
I bought it.
For Julia to give to her date.
Her date ditched her, so I agreed to go with her.
She didn't wanna go alone.
[laughing.]
Shit.
You know, I really liked you.
I really like you too.
It was stupid for me to think a young, beautiful girl like you would fall for me.
[Julia.]
Hi.
So Debbie and I are fucking.
You're gay? Hell, no.
I hate vaginas.
I just wanted to piss you off.
- My God.
- [Claudia.]
Why? I mean, what have I ever done to you besides give you everything? Oh, the carb counting? The body shaming? - I did that to protect you.
- From what? - Being bullied.
- So you bullied me.
- I weigh 119 pounds.
- Says who? - Not the scale.
- [Julia.]
You're a monster.
Well, and you're an entitled little shit.
- Fuck off! - [laughs.]
Excuse me? No screens for a week.
Fine.
Then I'm quitting the cello.
- Mm, no you're not.
- Watch me.
I'm sending you back to Montana.
Back to the troubled teen learning institute.
- [Julia.]
Can't wait.
- [Claudia.]
But this time I'm flying you coach.
No more special services for you.
Hey.
Hey.
I rented that house.
That one I showed you.
- [door opens.]
- Tami.
- Hey.
- [door slams.]
Hey, can you wait? Wait, please.
Hey.
Look, it would be good for Fred to be around his cousins, right? You know, his aunts, his uncles.
His family and your family.
You know, in Milwaukee, you'll have no one.
Right? I mean, we will have no one.
[somber music.]
My family this neighborhood is my support system.
This is my home.
All right? I thought I could do it.
I really did, but I had some time with it, and I don't know.
[sighs.]
You know, I-I'm worried about my sobriety.
I've got a community here, my meetings.
Brad, the people in our group, my job I mean, this place, it's It's important to me.
Milwaukee's baseball team is called The Brewers.
There's no way I could stay sober up there.
Tami.
Rich people are crazy.
Fuckin' nuts.
They create drama because they're bored.
When you're poor, you don't need to create drama.
I know, every day's a goddamn drama.
What are You're a garbage man now? It's more complicated than that, Milk.
I'm basically an undercover cop.
- [Debbie.]
Ha.
- Ha ha ha.
Not a very good one.
Undercover cops don't go around telling people they're undercover cops.
Laugh all you want, Sandy.
It's a lot harder than you think never knowing who you can trust, whether or not they're gonna figure out you're a rat.
It's stressful.
Can I hit that? Don't you get drug tested? I'm undercover I have to do drugs so they know I'm one of 'em.
Who, the garbage men? Forget it.
I'm goin' to bed.
Weird shit rich people do go.
They go camping.
They vote.
They volunteer to work in soup kitchens.
[inhales.]
They kiss their dogs.
Wash their cars, even in the winter.
You wanna fuck? Fuck, yeah.
[both giggling.]
Well, tell me, do you hate me Or do you wanna date me It's kinda hard to tell 'Cause your eyes are lookin' crazy So why you comin' over [agent.]
Lots of light.
Original molding.
All the light fixtures are new.
Oh, oh, and there's a nice little patio in the back.
Oh.
Oh, God.
[woman.]
Did they have a dog? [agent.]
Yeah, I don't think so.
Well, tell me do you hate me Or do you wanna date me It's kinda hard to tell 'Cause your eyes are lookin' crazy So why you comin' over