Friends s10e14 Episode Script

Adjusted by Madhero Thank you guys for having us over.
Oh~yeah.
This is fun, couple's night.
Yeah.
I don't know why we don't hang out with married couples more often.
Well because every time we do, you make jokes about swinging and scare them away.
You mean that Portuguese couple.
Yeah.
Like you wouldn't have done it.
Hey you guys.
I have great news.
Ross.
We're kind of in the middle of dinner here.
Oh well.
.
I already ate butsure.
Guess what happened at work today? A dinosaur died a million years ago.
Try 65 million years ago and then try shee~~ My tenure review board met today and I hear it's looking really good.
Wow~ Yeah.
Do you have idea what this means in academic circles, huh? I am gonna get laid.
-Hi you guys.
-Hey Ooh, Italian! No.
.
No one wanted seconds, right? No.
.
I.
.
I am good.
Hey you guys.
.
You're never gonna believe it.
This headhunter called me.
I have a meeting tomorrow with Gucci.
Gucci wants me! I am up for tenure.
-Congratulations! -You too.
What are the odds! Oh~ Guess what? I finally got that seed out of my teeth.
I don't know who I am happiest for? I do.
He's been working on that all day! Friends 10x14 Consuela The One With Princess Consuela Adjusted by Madhero Hey Mon, was it weird changing your name to Geller Bing? -No.
.
no.
It felt nice to acknowledge this.
-Oh Where did you go to do it? Em.
.
The.
.
the ministry of names.
.
bureau.
You never did it! I'm sorry.
It's Just the idea of being an official Bing.
Hey! I would have you known that.
.
ah.
.
who am I kidding.
Let's call the kid Geller and let Bing die with me.
-Here you go.
-Thanks! Honey, would you want me to take your name? Oh~it's just It's up to you.
It's your name.
You've got to live with it.
All right, Let's see.
Call me Mrs.
Hannigan.
Mrs.
Hannigan? What? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? Oh I like it.
Hey guys! Hey Joe.
we've got a couple of things we've got to check out at the new house.
You wanna come with us? No, thank you.
All right.
I know You're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the house.
Yeah.
Come with us, you'll see how close it's to the city.
But no, it's not close.
You said it was in escrow.
I can't even find it on the map.
Joey, please come.
It would mean so much to us.
You know what, you're my friends.
I wanna be supportive.
I will come with you, shotgun! Damn it.
-See you guys later.
-OK -I'll pick you up at 11.
So glad you're coming.
-All right Good for you.
That was really mature.
What? No.
The only reason I am going to their stupid new house, is so I can point out everything that's wrong with it, so they don't move.
I am gonna make them stay here.
You're a strange kind of grown up.
Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't wanna do.
Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed and there's.
.
he is just.
.
O.
.
oh He.
.
hey Can we not talk about that right now? All right.
Prude Look.
Monica and Chandler really love this house.
You're not gonna talk them into staying here.
Hey hey.
I can convince people to do anything, you know.
I bet I can even get Mike to do that "thing".
What is it? I AM NOT gonna help you do that! Oh my.
.
Hi.
Em.
.
I'm here to see Mr.
Campbell with Gucci.
The reservation is probably under Gucci.
It.
.
it's spelled like Gukki, which can be confusing! Mr.
Campbell is not here yet.
Let me show you to his table.
Oh my god.
That's my boss.
You have to seat us somewhere else.
I'm sorry.
This's always Mr.
Campbell's table.
But my boss can not see me.
I'm interviewing for another job.
I know, with Gukki.
Rachel? Hah, I'm on a date! That's great.
Yeah it is.
Yeah, you know, it's tough.
Single mom, career.
You gotta get out there.
Well, you got uhm.
.
good energy.
Ah.
.
oh Rachel! Yes.
Hi James Campbell -Hi -Hi Execuse us.
-Please -OK He's cute.
So.
.
your resume is quite impressive.
My resume.
.
I wouldn't.
.
I wouldn't call my online dating profile a resume.
Dating profile.
I'm talking about the work resume.
.
La la Whatever happen to just singing for no reason.
Maybe people found it weird.
Maybe So.
.
why do you wanna leave Ralph Lauren? What? I.
.
I don't.
You don't? No.
I lo.
.
love it there.
If you don't wanna leave, why are we having this lunch? --That is my boss-- What? --That is my boss-- That's Hugo Boss? This place is so depressing.
If I had to work here I'd kill myself.
But you obviously haven't.
How can I help you? Em.
.
I need to change my name please.
I need to change it because I'm hiding from the law.
You're fun.
-You need to fill out this form.
-OK I just don't I don't know how it work exactly.
See, my name is Buffay and my husband's name is Hannigan.
So is it supposed to be Buffay Hannigan or Hannigan Buffay? It can be anything you want.
Well.
not anything, I mean Yeah.
.
anything Oh.
.
this could take a while.
Get out of my line.
Hey.
-Hey Phoebs.
-Oh not anymore.
I changed it today.
Oh I'm sorry.
Mrs.
Hannigan.
Wrong again.
Apparently You can change it to anything you want so I thought.
.
here's an opportunity to be creative.
So meet Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.
That's what we're gonna name the baby.
-Phoeby -Not.
Princess Consuela.
-You seriously changed your name to that? -Uh-huh.
Ok.
So from now on we have to call you Princess Consuela.
Uhm no.
I'm gonna have my friends call me Valerie.
Hey how did the interview go? Oh! It's not good.
You know, I always feel that way after an interview.
I'll bet it went better than you think.
Well, I didn't get the job at Gucci and I got fired from Ralph Lauren.
That is a bad interview.
What're you.
.
what're you talking about? How did this happen? Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview and he heard everything.
So later he calls me to his office and he tells me that he's gonna let me go because I'm not a team player.
And I say "Wait a minute.
No.
Yes I'm".
And then I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that in fact.
.
was true.
Oh god.
I'm so sorry.
Hey, Wa.
.
wo.
.
W.
.
what's this? It's.
.
it's a bottle of champagne! Why is this here? Ross? I guess it's here because I got TENURE! Congratulations.
This a single greatest day of my professional career.
Gunther, 6 glasses.
Six? You want me to join you? Oh, I thought Joey was here.
Five is good.
Ah.
.
I'm gonna have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.
Ooh.
.
Israeli champagne.
And it's vanilla.
I got tenure and I didn't win the lottery.
Hey Rach.
So.
.
How did your thing go? Oh.
.
good.
Yeah.
.
but I'm not gonna hear from that for a couple of days.
Oh you know what, you're gonna get it.
I.
.
I can feel it.
Can you? Ah, allright.
Here's to Ross.
And.
.
and to years of hard work finally paiying off.
And to knowing that your career doesn't mean everything.
But also knowing it means A LOT.
But more importantly to full well-rounded lives.
That center around work.
To ross.
You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.
No seriously.
I have job security for life, you know.
I mean I never have to worry.
Oh.
.
oh look at you.
Look.
.
how happy you're for me.
No, it's not that.
I got fired today and I didn't get the other job.
Rachel I'm so sorry.
Oh~ Great.
I feel like an idiot.
-No, it's OK.
You didn't know.
-Oh Little heads-up would have been nice.
Thank you for letting us see the house again.
And thank you for explaining to us what escrow means.
I've already forgotten what you said.
But thank you.
Take as loog as you want.
Just let me know when you're through.
So glad you decided to come.
Me too.
Yeah, this place is great.
I'm so happy for your guys.
Although you know I hope you like fungus.
What? Fungus.
Yeah place is full of it.
No, it's not.
We had an inspection and I didn't find anything.
OK Then I guess I have dry eyes and a scratchy throat for no reason.
Maybe it's because you hung your head out of the window like a dog the whole ride here.
Maybe.
So this is the living room huh? Oof, it's pretty dark.
-No it's not.
-Are you kidding.
I think I just saw a bat in the corner.
When you head was hanging out of the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it? Maybe.
Well, I just think you guys can do better than this house, you know, or any other house for that matter.
Oh Joey.
We know you're having a hard time with this but we really.
.
we love it here.
Fine.
OK.
If you love this house so much then you should just live here, OK? I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound.
Joey, we know that's you.
No.
It's not.
-Hey -Hey Welcome back.
-I missed you.
-Oh Me too.
So what's new? Well I'm no longer Phoebe Buffay.
That's great.
You changed your name? Yes I did.
Meet Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.
You're kidding, right? Nope.
You really did that? Yep.
You.
.
but you can't do that.
Why? Why? It's fun.
It's different.
No one else has a name like it.
Alright.
Then I'm gonna change my name.
Great.
OK, what you're gonna change it to? Crap Bag.
Mike Crap Bag? No.
No mike.
No.
Just Crap Bag.
First name Crap last name Bag.
You're not serious, right? Yeah I'm serious.
It's fun.
It's different.
No one else has a name like that.
Uh-huh.
Well then great.
If you love it, I love it.
I do love it, and I love your name.
I love Princess Consuela.
And I love Crap.
Ou.
.
Who are you? Oh, hi, I'm Joey.
My stupid friends are buying this house? Who are you? I am Mackenzie.
My stupid parents are selling this house.
I hate my parents.
I hate my friends.
Look, there's gotta be a way that we can stop this from happening.
Like what? Oh.
.
OK.
You come with me and you tell them that the house is haunted.
What are you eight? Ok.
Let's hear your great idea.
I don't have any great ideas.
I am eight.
There's gotta be a way.
I mean, you know, Monica and Chandler move out here and now Phoebe is married to Mike.
That just leaves me and Ross and Rachel, you know what I mean? I really don't.
What am I gonna do? I feel like I'm losing my friends.
My parents say I'm gonna make new friends.
Oh yeah, sure, easy for you.
You're younger than me.
I am set in my ways.
This's what my mom always talking about: Whiners's winners.
Look.
You want your friends to be happy, right? Yeah.
.
yeah.
I guess yeah.
Well if moving here is gonna make them happy.
Don't you want them to do it? Yeah.
Maybe.
Then you gotta let them go.
I hate to admit it, but you're probably right.
How did you get to be so smart? I read a lot.
Just when I thought we could be friends.
Oh, here, Rach.
I just heard it.
I'm so sorry.
Oh thank you.
You still don't know my name, do you? Well, now I don't have to.
Ross, what is taking you so long? I'm sorry.
It's almost as if this wasn't built for quick getaway.
Rachel? Mark? Oh my god.
-How have you been? -I'm fantastic! -You remember Ross? -Sure sure.
What's with the chair? Uh.
.
you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway so Clever.
So.
.
so how are you? Ah.
.
You're not catching me on my best day.
Yeah a box full of your desk stuff doesn't exactly say big promotion.
No, but it's good, you know.
I'm gonna take some time off.
.
some charity work.
Are you sure? Because we may have something at Louis Vuitton.
Well, screw charity work, what've you got? Why don't we have dinner tonight and talk about it? -Great -Great -I'll call you.
-Ok -Nice to see you.
-Yeah.
.
yeah I got tenure.
Oh my god.
So see, I told you something good would come along.
And he seemed really nice.
I.
.
I have met him before? Ross, that's Mark.
Fron Bloomingdales, you were insanely jealous of him.
That is Mark.
I hate that guy.
No.
.
no.
You can not go to dinner with him.
What? You don't want me to get a job? Oh yeah.
I'm suer he is gonna give you a job.
Maybe make you his sex retary.
I am serious.
I just don't trust that guy.
OK? Ross, you know what? Ok, let's talk about later.
There comes security.
Oh I love this street.
The trees, the big front yards.
That actual picket fences.
Man, those two dogs are going at it! Hey.
Hey, where have been? Oh, Just.
.
you know looking around.
But you know what, this house is great.
Really, what changed your mind? The little girl who lives here made feel a lot better about the whole thing.
Joey, there was a little girl who lived here but she died like 30 years ago.
What? Huh~I'm just messing with you.
That's not funny.
You know I'm afraid of little girl ghost.
Joey, now you're OK with the house, you wanna go see your room? What? I get my own room.
You don't think we buy a house and not have a Joey room, do you? Oh my god.
Can I have an aquarium and a sex swing? No.
Why not? I'll keep the tank clean.
After you, Mrs.
Banana Hammock.
Thank you, Mr.
Bag.
-Oh, hey how are you? -Ah, hi Rita.
Rita is a massage client.
-Yeah.
-Oh Why don't you introduce me? Rita, this my husband.
Why don't you tell her my name? Ok, I will.
This is.
.
this is my husband.
.
Crap Bag.
Crap Bag.
If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.
OK.
Execuse me.
Ok, fine.
You made your point.
Can you please just be Mike Hannigan again? Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
How about Buffay Henegen? Really? Yeah, I'm Phoebe Buffay Hannigan Banana Hammock.
Do you even know what a banana hammock is? It's a funny word.
It's a speedo.
Oh, crap.
Hey, is Rachel here? Nope.
She's still at dinner? I guess.
who's she with? That guy Mark from Bloomingdale's.
She think he's just being nice to her, but I know he really wants to sleep with her.
It's 7 years ago.
My time machine works! We ran into him on the street today and he said he might have a job for her, but I know he just wants to get into her pants.
So what if he want to sleep with her? I mean, she is single and he is cute.
Execuse me? Oh please.
Yesterday on the subway you couldn't stop staring at that woman with a big breast the whole time.
For your information, I was staring at her baby.
We're about to be parents.
Oh sorry.
Hi you guys.
Hi.
So.
.
how was dinner? Oh it was great.
Mark is so sweet.
Oh yeah yeah.
I wonder why.
What could that smarmy letch possibly want? Oh Ross.
Come on.
He is happily married.
His wife just had twins.
Should we send something? How did the job stuff go? He offered me one.
-That's great! -Congratulations I know it's amazing.
It's amazing.
It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren.
The money is Great.
Can we.
.
can we just stop for a second.
Who said something better would come along, huh? You didn't believe me.
I told you everything was gonna work out.
You know what, this calls for a bottle of Israel's finest.
The job is in Paris.
I mean the soap opera is a great gig, but.
.
am I missing opportunities? You know, I've always thought of myself as a serious actor.
I mean.
.
should I be trying to do more independent movies? I don't know.
You know what, I'm gonna put you off my bear.
Hold on.
Hey bear, I need some career advice.