Smallville s10e15 Episode Script

Wow.
You look great.
Thanks.
Never hurts to change it up a little bit.
Except for the ring.
Never gonna take that off.
It's my sparkly little ball and chain.
Any second thoughts about your girls' night out? Clark, my swinging single days have swung.
It's just all this wedding stuff is very wedding-y.
I never thought I'd be that gal.
- Ahem.
Lois? - I think there's something missing.
Ta-da! Your bachelorette superpower-up.
Not bad.
I thought I'd be spending the night cuffed to a blowup doll while wearing a dog collar.
So with this thing I will be drinking free all night long.
- Yes, she will.
Oh.
Got it.
After all the years that I've known you, I don't think I've seen you this happy.
Well, it wouldn't be the same without you being here.
I just wish I could freeze this moment in time forever.
Me too.
Unfortunately, the limo is here, so we should go.
Oh, but before we do, a toast.
Oh, right.
A toast.
Sorry.
Forgot that one.
To the bride and groom.
You know, to friends.
You two amazing people have been the best friends I could have ever asked for.
And we want you to know that we are here for you to support you as you begin your happily-ever-after adventure.
And tonight is all about celebrating you.
And I hope you boys have fun tonight but don't do anything I wouldn't do.
No.
No, we wouldn't do that.
Okay.
To the bride and groom.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Chloe? Clark? What did you do? What did we do? Stay! Okay, he can just hang tight in there while we figure this out.
- You don't think that we? - Exchanged vows? - I mean - Said "I do"? - Both - Did the deed? Oh, God.
Don't say the word "consummate.
" The answer has to be no.
Okay.
What if these are just costumes? Right.
We went to a costume party dressed like the top of a wedding cake? Clark.
Looks like things got a little out of control.
Okay, before we go DEFCON 1 on the stag party snafu let's just take a step back.
Whoa.
I can't, Chloe.
I have no memory of what happened which is weird, because alcohol Yeah, well, my memory Etch A Sketch is blank too.
Must be more than champagne in these bottles.
I didn't realize this was a gift.
"Congrats, Clark.
You deserve a real party.
Hugs, Zatanna.
" She must have put a spell on these.
Complete with a memory-erase.
If Zatanna's mind-wipe affected you, it could've affected Oliver.
It could have affected all of us.
Lois.
Where's your phone? Lois? Yes, this is Clark Kent.
You have my wallet downtown? If your wallet was on the hood that throws the costume party theory out.
There's no sign of a driver.
You know, maybe there's a number we can call.
- Whoa.
- Chloe, look.
I got a text message from last night.
And it's from Lois.
It says, "I just need more time.
" What if she doesn't wanna be found? What if all this got to her and pushed her away? Clark, okay, all of the taffeta and lace and goofy traditions in the world are not gonna give Lois jitters.
This is not the first time that she has bailed when things got real between us.
First time I kissed her she left town.
When she found out I was the Blur, she went to Egypt.
Clark, your relationship is at a different level right now.
Not to mention the fact that Lois knows that you are the proverbial one.
And besides that, weddings just aren't that scary.
I hope you're right.
Are those Emil's pants? - Yeah, I found it in the back seat.
- What's that? It looks like half of a wedding certificate.
Missing one of the names.
Holy matrimony.
That's my signature.
Clark, we really are married.
Emil.
He wasn't drinking.
He'll have answers.
I'll call you after I find our friends.
Oh! Clark.
Are you okay? Chloe, this killer headache is affecting my abilities.
This might be more difficult than I thought.
I just got an idea of where to start.
Excuse me.
Where did you get those shirts? I had a gun in my hand Drinkin' forty pounds for dinner Till I met a big man And the man said One night and he's already famous.
Emil always was an overachiever.
Why don't you go take care of that and I'm gonna call Oliver, and I'll meet you at the Watchtower.
Okay.
Let me tell you something I was a hard drinkin' sinner And I had blood on my hands I was a hard drinkin' sinner I had a gun in my hand Drinkin' forty pounds for dinner Till I met a big man And the man said How do we do - Well, I pulled a lot of triggers - Baby Shot a lotta good men Broke a lotta hearts - Oh, yeah - Hearts that never will mend - But now I'm at the station - That's my girl - And I have made a new friend - Oh And my friend says How do we do - How do we do - How do we do How do we do - Oh, the man said - How do we do And I'm feelin' reborn I feel I'm anew 'Cause the man said How do we do Shake it, baby.
Oh, yeah The one guy I counted on remaining sober.
Do we know each other? So you did have fun last night.
I'm looking for the girl that came with me last night.
She insulted you more than once.
She was there when I dropped you off but was gone when I picked you up.
At the Chapel of Love.
- The man said - How do we do And I'm feelin' reborn Honey pie, come on over here.
- How do we do - How do we do Emil Hamilton, can you step off the stage, please? We got questions about an armored car that was stolen last night.
Thank you very much, gentleman, I plead innocent to all charges.
- I'm but a humble entertainer.
- Funny.
You can tell the judge how you made it vanish into thin air.
Into thin air.
Oh, Clarkie.
Oh.
There's only one person that I know that can make an armored car adios in seconds.
Take those.
Clark.
Hey.
Hey, watch it, buster.
- Sorry.
- Roll.
Hi.
Morning.
- Sorry.
- Good morning.
It's okay.
Whoa, my head is pounding like a mosh pit and my mouth tastes like armpit.
Hmm.
Hey.
What happened? I think the jury's still out but I'd say we just survived the world's greatest bachelor party.
Ugh, ha.
No offense, but speak for yourself.
My dream soiree would end waking up with someone a little taller, darker and a different kind of handsome.
Well, no surprise there.
How the hell did we end up here, anyway? Oh, I have no idea.
But in that green getup of yours, we're gonna stand out like a hooker in church.
- What? - Heh.
Ha-ha-ha.
- Yeah.
- What is this? You know what? I thought my drunken blackout days were behind me Tell me about it.
Lanes can usually hold our liquor but I don't have a single memory of my big night.
So we'd better drop a line to Clark and Chloe.
They'll be worried.
Oopsie.
I just realized something.
When I changed my pants, I forgot all the important things.
Yeah.
My cell phone's gonzo too.
A bummer, since this isn't Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.
- It's okay.
It's all right.
- You know what we're gonna do? We're gonna find one of those phone booths of yours and call Clark, everything's gonna be great.
Can't call Clark.
Sometimes, I don't understand What? What's the problem, huh? My engagement ring is gone.
Any luck on that armored car it looks like I stole? We don't have much time.
Emil is in prison now because of me.
Still searching for missing vehicles.
God, I feel terrible, I'm the one that convinced him to drink that champagne.
Not your fault, Tess.
Lois? Oliver? Check their cell phones, credit cards? Clark, the nanosecond that they use technology, we'll have their number.
Oh.
Looks like your get up and go-go is long gone.
There's a gang breaking rocks in my head, but I can make a sentence.
Chloe, do you wanna take this? No, I think it's in good hands.
So no sign of Oliver.
And I just tried calling the Chapel of Love, no answer.
I may have one.
An armored car company that lost a vehicle.
From their security footage, the same that Emil's accused of stealing.
Can you track this? Yeah.
I can activate the truck's alarm system remotely, I think.
Clark, listen for a high-pitched tone.
- I hear it.
- Yeah, I can too.
You You're beeping, Clark.
- Uh - Hmm.
Uh I got it this time.
The morning-after mind-swipe was a stinger but the sweet smell of sewage is clearing my head.
Lois, we're gonna find them, okay? If Clark's with Chloe, he'll take care of her too.
I know.
I was just checking out my single hand.
- My no-longer-engaged hand.
- Lois, you're still engaged.
You may just have to let go of the ring.
I tell you what.
My corporation, I may have lost it, but I'm gonna buy you an identical rock, okay? The last thing I wanna go around with for the rest of my life is a lie propagated by my ex-boyfriend.
- Oh.
The ring Clark gave me was a symbol of our love, of our future together.
It wasn't just any ring, it was the ring.
The big kahuna.
I waited to find somebody who would get this wacky world view and care enough to give me the ring, and I lose it.
He's gonna understand.
He always does.
We cannot tell Clark.
I'll do whatever it takes to get that ring back.
Relax, all right? You're starting to do that twitchy thing.
There's something stuck in my bra That's not my territory anymore, all right? Cha-ching.
Well, that's a first.
"Fortune Casino"? Let me see that.
Oh, look at that.
Your pointer sisters gave us our clue as to where we were.
- Yeah, right.
- Thank you, sir.
- Come on, hop in.
- Thank you.
Oh.
I can't believe on my first drunken night out I lose Lois commit a felony, and I land my friend in jail.
So reckless.
But oddly, Clark, very human.
And when this happens to grooms the world over his friends rally around him and help make it all right.
Speaking of which, I just found some very interesting information down at the police station.
No Emil.
And no trace of his name in any of the police records.
If Emil wasn't arrested who were those cops? Where's the money? One more Elvis cover out of you and you'll be eating those blue suede shoes.
I do believe it's fair to say that you are not the authorities.
And you are not the king of rock.
But you'll be just as dead if you don't cough up the cash.
Listen, I already told you, you got the wrong Elvis.
I I didn't I didn't steal any armored car.
No, no, no.
I got the right mug.
Yeah.
It was lady luck that brought you to me.
I mean, what are the odds, huh? That you would be an overnight sensation on the same night that I was looking for you? I mean It's a fallacy.
Just because the two events are connected sequentially doesn't mean they are causally.
- No, no.
You are connected, my friend.
I mean, I didn't believe these yahoos when they told me they were duped but then I saw it for myself.
What? A monkey.
Hee-hee-hee! What is this? - What you wearing? - Don't move.
Watch this.
- Ta-da! - Yeah! It's you.
Here, let me bring it up.
Ahh! Ha-ha-ha.
Oh, pretty fancy smoke and mirrors that you pulled off.
It's just I I don't know what burns me more the fact that you took my money or the fact that you You took my lucky lemur.
It appears to me that someone was trying to prevent a robbery, not commit one.
Nice masks, boys.
Yeah.
Big mistake.
You trying to protect your friends, smart guy.
Break him.
This $500 baby here means we were probably gambling.
And knowing you, blackjack, right? That's my game.
I was three-time champ at Fort Dix.
Oh, my God, what if I bet the ring? I don't think that would've happened.
I told you never to come back here again.
No kidding.
Huh.
Listen, I got a question for you, my friend here she lost a ring last night.
Do you have any idea? Your little card shark here, she bet her engagement ring, yeah.
- Oh.
- Did I call it, or did I call it? She was raking it in, trash-talking the boss so he won the ring off her.
I don't wanna take you for another ride.
No, no, wait.
Oliver, this isn't possible.
Not in this lifetime.
The only conceivable way that I would bet the ring was if it was a sure thing.
No such thing in life as a sure thing.
Oh, yeah? What are you trying to say? Was I scammed? Let me guess, your boss stacked the deck, right? There is no way I'm gonna let that creep cheat me out of my happily-forever-after.
- Here comes the bride.
- No.
- Hey! - Easy does it.
Please put your hands together for the Fortune Showgirls.
Come with me.
It's all right.
Ahh.
I was so close, I could have ripped my ring off his chubby little finger.
Not really feeling your jewelry malfunction right now.
- It was so much more than that, Oliver.
- I know.
And now, to get out of this poker game, we need a get-out-of-jail-free card.
- You think? - You see that pole over there? - We're going there.
Okay? - A little tied up right now.
You're a comedienne.
You're gonna lean against me.
All right? And we're gonna shuffle over there in one, two, shuffle.
Go, go.
I should have known all this bridal hoopla was too good to be true.
- Keep working.
- My prenuptial bliss was just one right click away from bridal apocalypse.
Oh.
Okay.
You should really ease up on yourself, Lois.
You haven't ruined anything.
You still don't get it.
I did not wanna be the bride waving her freak flag down the aisle, okay? I wanted this to be perfect.
Not my normal mess.
We're all a mess, okay? Let's be fair.
Not Clark.
No, Clark would never lose his ring.
Okay? Have any idea how much pressure there is being engaged to a walking perfection? You have any idea how much pressure there is fighting crime next to perfection? You're free.
Let's blow this pop stand.
No.
Oh We're not leaving without my ring.
I thought we were past that.
Well, we're not.
Oh.
Okay.
Get back in, get back in.
- You got it? Okay.
- Yeah.
We'll be lucky to get out.
I didn't bring my Green Arrow gear to the bachelor party.
Uh Unless The facial-recognition from the security footage showed the fake cops have criminal histories linking them to this casino.
That is if they work for this fearless Fortune.
Fortune Showgirls.
That means Emil could be in danger.
But all I see is a hothouse full of chumps, suckers and high rollers.
I'll check the other room.
Try to blend in.
Lois.
Oliver? Give it up for the Fortune Showgirls.
Hey, big daddy.
Wanna give this girl some loving? Do something.
Well, luck be a lady tonight.
You are an eyeful.
You know, like the tower in Paris.
You put these other hothouse girls to shame.
Thanks, man.
That's her.
The blond! One of the crew that stole the money.
Chloe, run! - Get her! Get her! - Hey.
Yes! Yes.
Come to mama, sweetheart.
Come on.
Oh.
There's my sparkly girl.
Come to mama.
I swear I will never bet you again.
You think I'm gonna let you run off with my lucky ring? I won so big today.
The only one getting lucky here tonight is yours truly.
- Way to go all in, gorgeous.
- Back at you, hot stuff.
And we have a winner.
Wait, wait, wait.
I told you, gentlemen I don't remember anything.
It's all a blank.
Yeah, you did, but, you see, that's what they all say.
In the end, everybody names names.
It's just the business.
Business? Wait a minute, that's it.
That's why Fortune had you robbing his truck.
No, if my calculations are correct, it's a scam.
Right? He reports the crime, and then the insurance company doubles his money.
Except this time, somebody actually stole his money.
Yeah, that was you, smart guy.
Oh, I really wish I didn't understand the physics of this.
- Are you all right? - Clark.
Clark.
You're safe now.
Look, I need some answers about what happened last night.
Get in line.
Chloe? Congratulations on surviving your boffo bachelor party and the million-dollar morning-after mistake.
There's still one thing we have to do.
Well, undo.
I got through to the chapel and they told me the friend masquerading as the bride-to-be was just a drunk prank, so - That's a relief.
- Yeah.
It was a fun ride while it lasted.
Kind of reminded me of the good old days.
Yeah, but your new partner-in-crime's got you covered.
Lois and I are pretty good together.
It's funny, it almost sounded like you were saying goodbye.
I forget how well you know me.
My heart and my head have been playing tug-of-war lately.
But I made my decision.
I have to break it to Oliver, but I won't let a hero give up his world for me.
Chloe, you just got back.
You're the heart and soul of Watchtower.
Yeah, but I can't be Watchtower anymore.
I've already been the ghost in the machine once I can't do it again.
You know you've always been much more than that to me.
I know.
In every epic tale there's always one person who believes in the hero first.
Someone who helps inspire them to greatness.
You know, maybe it wasn't just a fluke with you.
I've been thinking that's my true calling.
Finding heroes and helping them realize their true potential beyond the reach of Watchtower.
You're not alone, Clark Kent.
In all my globetrotting I have met several others like you.
A billionaire with high-tech toys and a wondrous woman who is gonna throw you for a loop.
Well, all that sounds amazing and a bit lonely.
Well, that's why I'm following your lead, Clark.
I've created a double identity for myself.
You're looking at the Star City Register's newest hire.
By day, of course.
I always knew that you were destined for big things, Chloe.
And I know, no matter what, we'll still be in each other's lives.
You know I'll always be here for you.
You know that, right? I do.
Hey, hound dog.
You really rocked this town.
I suppose that's supposed to be humorous? It's just Well, it was a nice surprise to see our mild-mannered doctor have a special power of his own.
I haven't done something like that since Well, since my wife passed away.
She used to love to hear me sing to her.
Don't give it up.
She wouldn't have wanted you to.
All right.
Listen up.
I have the smoking gun.
I haven't laid eyes on the footage yet but I suspect that inside this little puppy are the answers to our burning questions.
- My camera.
Of course.
I forgot that I - Ahem.
This looks really damaged.
was documenting the entire evening.
- See if we can play this thing.
- Maybe I found it in a puddle of champagne in the limo.
You know what we should do? Champagne.
- No, no.
- Absolutely not.
There's sparkling cider in the fridge which I am certain Zatanna has not charmed.
We got this.
- I got it.
- Oh.
Uh I'm so gun shy, I don't even know if I can try it.
Here's the thing, Clark.
I, uh I bet the ring.
I mean, I got it back, but Please forgive me.
Lois, there's nothing to forgive.
The ring is not what's important.
You are.
But I have a bit of a confession myself.
When I woke up and you were gone I thought that I'd scared you away somehow.
Yeah, I'm sorry, I know that I have the runaway girlfriend thing to Look, if all this wedding mess is getting to be too much, then No, it's not that.
It's hard to explain.
You don't need to explain.
I just want you to know that if you're having doubts inside or you're not 100 percent sure that this is the right thing to do I will understand.
I'm gonna wanna marry you in five days or in five years.
That was the perfect thing to say.
Oh, and we're rolling.
File's corrupted, but we'll see what we've got.
Ready for this? - Clark! - Sorry, you said you were cold.
Hey, uh Lois, if you're watching this 20 years from now just know that you are the love of my life.
Uh I'm really feeling this.
Mm.
Mm.
You Oh! Alcohol doesn't even affect me.
That's not whatl was imagining.
- Hey, Emil.
- Merry Christmas.
Drink it.
Drink it.
Drink it.
Oh, my God.
- I mean, are you really made of steel? - Emil.
- Oh! - Aah! That was not - Ha-ha-ha.
- Whoo! - Oh, this is good.
How about this one? - Well, we're two different You're not thinking this through.
Okay? These are What the? How much did this cost you? - Nothing.
- That's a woman's ring.
All right? Rings out of a vending machine.
She deserves better than that.
Right? How about a little privacy there, Blair Witch? Now.
I wouldn't be caught dead in that thing.
- Beautiful.
- Looks so nice.
Thank you so much.
- I need your help.
- Okay.
Shh.
Oliver? Where are you going? What? Ha-ha-ha.
Yes.
- You know what, I I can't - No, no.
Stay.
- Bravo, sir.
- Monkey.
Monkey? A monkey.
Hee-hee-hee! Oh! - Hey.
Don't move.
- What are you wearing? Don't move.
Watch this.
- Ta-da! - Yeah! - Clark saves the day.
- All right, all right.
Here we go.
Check it out.
Check it out.
I'd like to introduce you to somebody.
- What's his name? - This is, uh The doctor - Who? - The lemur.
Let me tell you something, Tess.
Let me tell you something.
With being the king comes a lot of responsibility.
Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.
You know whatl'm saying? - Oh, look at you.
- Oh, no.
Don't be coy.
No, no, no.
- What you got? - Oh, you can't handle whatl got.
Yeah! Cut it out, get over here, baby doll.
See what you got.
Oh.
Oh, don't be coy, honey.
Come on.
Give me some - Okay.
Okay.
- Oh, yeah.
- Okay, okay.
- Maybe now would be - Hey, hey, hey.
No, no.
- Good time to hit the power button.
- You know where the power button is? - Yeah.
- That's great stuff.
- I'm real proud of you.
- Do you know where the power? - Do you know where the power? Hey.
Where you running off to so quick? What are you doing? I thought we were rendezvousing at your place later.
You're leaving again, right? - Oliver, I - It's okay, I can read between the lines.
Chloe, I never expected you to sit up in that Watchtower for the rest of your life.
I know better than that.
I have something Wait.
I don't know what you're thinking but I hope it's not that you're gonna run off without your husband.
I hope you didn't take a job in my hometown for nothing.
Let's get out of here.