Robot Chicken s10e16 Episode Script
Ghandi Mulholland in: Plastic Doesn't Get Cancer
1
[Thunder crashes.]
[Cackling.]
[Title music.]
[Whirring.]
MAN: It's alive! [Thunder rumbles.]
[Thunder crashes.]
[Cackling.]
[Clock ticking.]
Aah! What have you done to it?! What have you done to its eyes?! He has his father's eyes.
Whose "D" do I need to ask to get another drink in this Does she know? Ahh she knows.
"Tinker Bell warned Peter, any time he says fairies don't exist, somewhere a fairy drops dead.
" - Any time he says what? - Uh, fairies don't exist.
[Gasps.]
- Fairies don't exist? - [Gasps.]
That's what people can't say? - Yes, fairies don't exist.
- [Gasps.]
Mommy, I'm worried about the fairies, the ones that die if you say, "Fairies don't exist.
" - [Gasps.]
- Harold! You don't have to worry about the fairies.
They're not real.
- Fairies don't exist.
- Aah! What band did you all come to see tonight? TOGETHER: Fairies Don't Exist! [Explosion.]
I want to hear you chant it.
[All chanting.]
Fairies Don't Exist.
Fairies Don't Exist.
ANNOUNCER: We now return to the adventures of Colonial Cat.
Meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Meow meow meow meow.
Meow meow meow meow.
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
[Horse neighs.]
MAN: Welcome back to "The Voice.
" Up next are a group of ex-terrorists pursuing their dream of becoming America's next hit band.
We're Cold Slither, and we're playing our tune Rocking our music and coming for you We used to play for terror - But now we sing for love - Oh! We are to music like O.
J.
was to gloves Too fit to quit - Ohh! - Well, well, well.
If it isn't Cold S-S-Slither, the band I created to poison the minds of the youth.
Cobra Commander, uh let me explain.
Did you really think you could just leave Cobra, audition for "The Voice," and sing so soulfully that I would forgive you? - Uh yes? - Well, you were right.
- That was fantastic! - [Cheering.]
Now's the time to choose.
Which producer do you want to work with? We're going to go with - Blake Shelton! - Blake [bleep.]
Shelton?! His career is dating Gwen Stefani.
[Soft music plays.]
Captain, there's an iceberg ahead.
Shh! Not now.
Sisters, to Salem.
We must suck the lives out of the children.
- But we have no brooms.
- Not to worry, sisters.
We have something much better than brooms.
[Laughs.]
Come! We fly! We fly! [Laughter.]
Whoa! The battery's low, Winnie.
It's taking me back to the docking station.
Oh! - Aah! - Aah! Okey-dokey, first name Bent-Neck, last name Lady.
All right, ma'am, I'm sure we can help you.
[Deep voice.]
Oh, thank God.
I've been everywhere, and everyone says I'm a lost cause.
No, there is no such thing.
Oh, darn it.
I'm sorry.
We don't accept HMO.
Aah! Jesus! Shit! [Bleep.]
So, I says, "Putz, if you're a canary, I'm a [bleep.]
bald eagle.
" [Laughs.]
Classic pigeon burn.
Hey, here comes Wonder Woman.
She has such a unique flying stance.
It's almost like she's sitting in a Oh, my God, she's in her Invisible Jet! Fly away, Pig, fly! Aah! [Bleep.]
Oh! Mayday, mayday.
- Oh, that was a close call, huh? - You can fly! Why do you need an Invisible Jet?! Oh, Pigeon God, please save us from this redundancy.
I will not save you, for you have pigeon masturbated on the Sabbath, so sayeth Pigeon God.
[Raspberries.]
Hi.
I'm Will Hunting.
And I'm his dumb friend.
- We're at Goodwill.
- We're about to go Goodwill hunting.
- Goodwill hunting.
- Here we go.
Fire, fire! Arrow! Wang! Yes! - Hey, that was mine! - You like apples? I-I guess.
Oh! How do you like them apples, huh, old broad? - Goodwill hunting.
- Goodwill hunting.
Getting this cashmere Pierre Cardin for $4.
99.
It's valued at least $49.
99.
Gonna flip it on eBay.
My friend's wicked smart.
Goodwill hunting.
Ah, it's not your fault.
It's not your fault you're the good Will Hunting.
Nah, I think it is.
Got to go see about a sale.
BOTH: Goodwill hunting! [Up-tempo music plays.]
We're Mutt and Jeff.
We were huge once.
It seems unfair that we should just fade into obscurity like this.
Avenge us Where am I? What is this? [Eerie music plays.]
Step right up, Beverly! Introducing Pennywise the Dancing Clown! [Gasping.]
[Eerie music plays.]
No! No! Clowns, clowns, clowns Giant shoes and clowny tips [Ting!.]
Clowns, clowns, clowns In a tiny car, 10 clowns will fit Clowns, clowns, clowns They're a whole lots of epic fail Clowns, clowns, clowns John Wayne Gacy died in jail Clowns, clowns, clowns [Wink.]
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah - Ugh.
- Just a buck for all of that? [Growls.]
No appreciation for artistry.
I'm sorry.
It's about economy.
- We're downsizing.
Got to let you go.
- Fire burn.
No, not fired.
Downsized.
Still burn.
You won't get away with this, Fat Cat.
I already have.
And now I will finally destroy the Rescue Rangers.
[Door opens.]
LINDA: There you are, Professor Pudge.
Time to go to the doctor's.
No, Linda, not now! Please! I'm afraid Professor Pudge's weight problems aren't getting any better.
It's not Professor Pudge.
It's Fat Cat.
Which, now that I say it out loud, is worse.
If you don't do something soon, he's going to die, and feline-obesity surgeries are very expensive.
Oh, Professor, I'll miss the way you wore little sport coats and vests.
Even though I never bought you little sport coats and vests.
[Crying.]
Oh, I can't watch this.
What the hell is going on here? Favorite part of my job.
I got - What?! Oh! - [Grunting.]
- Aah! - You fool! I'm the head of a giant animal-based crime syndicate.
I'm mother[bleep.]
Fat Cat.
[Heart beating.]
Oh, a heart attack.
[Gasping.]
[Music.]
We're looking for a contractor to build our new home.
You're in luck.
At Fortnite Builders, we pride ourselves on being fast and resourceful.
Here, you want a staircase? Ah! Boom! Fortnite! Do I get the job? - Wow, he's fast.
- Since when is speed something you're impressed with, Joanne? Rocket launcher! Got to go.
We'd love to have a Cape-Cod-style house - Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- nestled among the trees.
House, land, Cod, Fortnite! Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop! - Did he just cut down all our trees? - Destroying wood? Looks like you've got something in common, Joanne.
Boom! Fortnite! That's just a poorly constructed tower with stairs - that go nowhere - Oh, sniped! Hop and weave, Joanne.
- What? What? - Hop and weave.
- Ah, okay, okay.
Okay.
- Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop.
- Hop, hop - Aah! Okay, what the [bleep.]
is going on? You're one of us now.
Never stop jumping, Joanne.
Never stop.
- Double down.
- Good luck.
19.
Dealer wins.
Oh, oh! H-how much for this Doomcaliber Knight? - It's pretty beat-up, but - Sir, call these people.
A gambling addiction is no joke, and they can help you.
- Maybe - ANNOUNCER: But he won't.
You can tell by the look on his face.
[Music.]
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- She's Pete? - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
[Barks.]
I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
[Gunshot.]
I'm Pete.
I'm [Gunshot.]
I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete! I'm Pete! - MAN: I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete, I'm Pete! [Loud thudding.]
- I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
I'm Pete! [Loud thudding.]
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
- [Sobbing.]
I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Aaaah! [Thud.]
DEEP MALE VOICE: I am Pete, destroyer of Petes.
[Birds chirping.]
[Music.]
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
My name's Peter.
I'm Peter [Lightning blasts.]
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.
[Cackling.]
[Title music.]
[Whirring.]
MAN: It's alive! [Thunder rumbles.]
[Thunder crashes.]
[Cackling.]
[Clock ticking.]
Aah! What have you done to it?! What have you done to its eyes?! He has his father's eyes.
Whose "D" do I need to ask to get another drink in this Does she know? Ahh she knows.
"Tinker Bell warned Peter, any time he says fairies don't exist, somewhere a fairy drops dead.
" - Any time he says what? - Uh, fairies don't exist.
[Gasps.]
- Fairies don't exist? - [Gasps.]
That's what people can't say? - Yes, fairies don't exist.
- [Gasps.]
Mommy, I'm worried about the fairies, the ones that die if you say, "Fairies don't exist.
" - [Gasps.]
- Harold! You don't have to worry about the fairies.
They're not real.
- Fairies don't exist.
- Aah! What band did you all come to see tonight? TOGETHER: Fairies Don't Exist! [Explosion.]
I want to hear you chant it.
[All chanting.]
Fairies Don't Exist.
Fairies Don't Exist.
ANNOUNCER: We now return to the adventures of Colonial Cat.
Meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Meow meow meow meow.
Meow meow meow meow.
Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
[Horse neighs.]
MAN: Welcome back to "The Voice.
" Up next are a group of ex-terrorists pursuing their dream of becoming America's next hit band.
We're Cold Slither, and we're playing our tune Rocking our music and coming for you We used to play for terror - But now we sing for love - Oh! We are to music like O.
J.
was to gloves Too fit to quit - Ohh! - Well, well, well.
If it isn't Cold S-S-Slither, the band I created to poison the minds of the youth.
Cobra Commander, uh let me explain.
Did you really think you could just leave Cobra, audition for "The Voice," and sing so soulfully that I would forgive you? - Uh yes? - Well, you were right.
- That was fantastic! - [Cheering.]
Now's the time to choose.
Which producer do you want to work with? We're going to go with - Blake Shelton! - Blake [bleep.]
Shelton?! His career is dating Gwen Stefani.
[Soft music plays.]
Captain, there's an iceberg ahead.
Shh! Not now.
Sisters, to Salem.
We must suck the lives out of the children.
- But we have no brooms.
- Not to worry, sisters.
We have something much better than brooms.
[Laughs.]
Come! We fly! We fly! [Laughter.]
Whoa! The battery's low, Winnie.
It's taking me back to the docking station.
Oh! - Aah! - Aah! Okey-dokey, first name Bent-Neck, last name Lady.
All right, ma'am, I'm sure we can help you.
[Deep voice.]
Oh, thank God.
I've been everywhere, and everyone says I'm a lost cause.
No, there is no such thing.
Oh, darn it.
I'm sorry.
We don't accept HMO.
Aah! Jesus! Shit! [Bleep.]
So, I says, "Putz, if you're a canary, I'm a [bleep.]
bald eagle.
" [Laughs.]
Classic pigeon burn.
Hey, here comes Wonder Woman.
She has such a unique flying stance.
It's almost like she's sitting in a Oh, my God, she's in her Invisible Jet! Fly away, Pig, fly! Aah! [Bleep.]
Oh! Mayday, mayday.
- Oh, that was a close call, huh? - You can fly! Why do you need an Invisible Jet?! Oh, Pigeon God, please save us from this redundancy.
I will not save you, for you have pigeon masturbated on the Sabbath, so sayeth Pigeon God.
[Raspberries.]
Hi.
I'm Will Hunting.
And I'm his dumb friend.
- We're at Goodwill.
- We're about to go Goodwill hunting.
- Goodwill hunting.
- Here we go.
Fire, fire! Arrow! Wang! Yes! - Hey, that was mine! - You like apples? I-I guess.
Oh! How do you like them apples, huh, old broad? - Goodwill hunting.
- Goodwill hunting.
Getting this cashmere Pierre Cardin for $4.
99.
It's valued at least $49.
99.
Gonna flip it on eBay.
My friend's wicked smart.
Goodwill hunting.
Ah, it's not your fault.
It's not your fault you're the good Will Hunting.
Nah, I think it is.
Got to go see about a sale.
BOTH: Goodwill hunting! [Up-tempo music plays.]
We're Mutt and Jeff.
We were huge once.
It seems unfair that we should just fade into obscurity like this.
Avenge us Where am I? What is this? [Eerie music plays.]
Step right up, Beverly! Introducing Pennywise the Dancing Clown! [Gasping.]
[Eerie music plays.]
No! No! Clowns, clowns, clowns Giant shoes and clowny tips [Ting!.]
Clowns, clowns, clowns In a tiny car, 10 clowns will fit Clowns, clowns, clowns They're a whole lots of epic fail Clowns, clowns, clowns John Wayne Gacy died in jail Clowns, clowns, clowns [Wink.]
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah - Ugh.
- Just a buck for all of that? [Growls.]
No appreciation for artistry.
I'm sorry.
It's about economy.
- We're downsizing.
Got to let you go.
- Fire burn.
No, not fired.
Downsized.
Still burn.
You won't get away with this, Fat Cat.
I already have.
And now I will finally destroy the Rescue Rangers.
[Door opens.]
LINDA: There you are, Professor Pudge.
Time to go to the doctor's.
No, Linda, not now! Please! I'm afraid Professor Pudge's weight problems aren't getting any better.
It's not Professor Pudge.
It's Fat Cat.
Which, now that I say it out loud, is worse.
If you don't do something soon, he's going to die, and feline-obesity surgeries are very expensive.
Oh, Professor, I'll miss the way you wore little sport coats and vests.
Even though I never bought you little sport coats and vests.
[Crying.]
Oh, I can't watch this.
What the hell is going on here? Favorite part of my job.
I got - What?! Oh! - [Grunting.]
- Aah! - You fool! I'm the head of a giant animal-based crime syndicate.
I'm mother[bleep.]
Fat Cat.
[Heart beating.]
Oh, a heart attack.
[Gasping.]
[Music.]
We're looking for a contractor to build our new home.
You're in luck.
At Fortnite Builders, we pride ourselves on being fast and resourceful.
Here, you want a staircase? Ah! Boom! Fortnite! Do I get the job? - Wow, he's fast.
- Since when is speed something you're impressed with, Joanne? Rocket launcher! Got to go.
We'd love to have a Cape-Cod-style house - Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- nestled among the trees.
House, land, Cod, Fortnite! Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop! - Did he just cut down all our trees? - Destroying wood? Looks like you've got something in common, Joanne.
Boom! Fortnite! That's just a poorly constructed tower with stairs - that go nowhere - Oh, sniped! Hop and weave, Joanne.
- What? What? - Hop and weave.
- Ah, okay, okay.
Okay.
- Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop.
- Hop, hop - Aah! Okay, what the [bleep.]
is going on? You're one of us now.
Never stop jumping, Joanne.
Never stop.
- Double down.
- Good luck.
19.
Dealer wins.
Oh, oh! H-how much for this Doomcaliber Knight? - It's pretty beat-up, but - Sir, call these people.
A gambling addiction is no joke, and they can help you.
- Maybe - ANNOUNCER: But he won't.
You can tell by the look on his face.
[Music.]
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- She's Pete? - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
[Barks.]
I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
[Gunshot.]
I'm Pete.
I'm [Gunshot.]
I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete! I'm Pete! - MAN: I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete, I'm Pete! [Loud thudding.]
- I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
I'm Pete! [Loud thudding.]
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
I'm Pete.
- [Sobbing.]
I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Pete! - I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
I'm Aaaah! [Thud.]
DEEP MALE VOICE: I am Pete, destroyer of Petes.
[Birds chirping.]
[Music.]
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
- I'm Pete.
My name's Peter.
I'm Peter [Lightning blasts.]
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.