Robot Chicken s10e20 Episode Script
Endgame
1
Welcome.
I'm Sam Elliott.
And this is the 200th episode of Robot Chicken.
To celebrate, these folks came up with something special.
All of you fans together will be using your remote control to decide how the episode goes.
To select A, press your mute button.
To select B, press your power button.
Oh, wait.
[Bleep.]
yeah.
I would have skipped them, myself.
Well, enjoy.
Robot Chicken.
Commissioner, who is terrorizing Gotham this time? Joker, Two-Face? Carol? Uh, w-what are you doing here? I'm surprised you had time to answer the Bat signal since you seem too busy to answer my texts.
I lost my Bat-phone.
Me so horny.
That was my B-Bat-Timer.
- Mm.
- My Bat-Quiche is done.
- Oh, no! - Mm-hmm.
Your Tinder account was active just a few minutes ago, or is this not you? Think, Batman.
You're the greatest detective mind in the world.
There must be a way to get out of this.
This is the fourth new female villain you've handed over to Arkham this month.
Some women, they just want to watch the world burn.
Bitches be crazy.
Am I right? - Yeah, I think that's offensive.
- Yeah, it felt wrong.
What do you boys want to play with? Play-doh! Play-doh! Play-doh! You got it.
Picture, if you will, a cave wall upon which shadows are cast.
- Aw! - Aw! Now, I'm going to strip naked and wrestle your father.
Hop to it, dad.
- Yay? - Yay? If we plant our computer virus into their alien mother ship, it'll knock out all of their shields.
And how exactly are we going to infect the mother ship with a virus? Make my alien penis huge? Yes, please.
Ah, shit.
I'm glad to be at a new school after they turned my old one into a for-profit prison.
Hello? I'm looking for a surrogate father figure, but I'll settle for textbooks.
Textbooks will teach you nothing.
To defeat the supernatural, you must train.
Oh, so this is more of a trade school? Yes, and the trade is killing vampires, but you can't tell anyone, and there's no college credit.
That's okay.
I'm already in debt from my preschool, hashtag #thatmillenniallife.
To be the slayer, you must attack with confidence.
- Confident punch! - Sneak attack.
Well done.
Again.
Confident kick! - Nut punch! - Ooh! - Nuts! - Excellent! - Again.
- I'm losing my confidence.
Please! All right.
Training is over.
You're ready.
You're a great teacher, surrogate dad.
You see there? A family of gathering vampires.
Stake them through the heart, and they'll turn to dust.
Oh, yeah, I've seen their kind.
Any second now, they're going to start an old-timey baseball game.
We all miss grandma, but we can come here any time to say hi.
- Confident heart stab.
- Aah! Confident leg kick.
Combo heart stab combo! My parents! What are you doing? I am the slayer, duh, standing between the vampires of hell and the light.
We're not vampires, you asshole! You killed my parents.
You can't trick me with your vampire magic.
I'm too confident to fool.
- Stab, stab, stab! - Aah! Oh, gosh.
So, uh, these are the the not-turn-into-dust kinds of vampires, I guess.
I meant the other family.
That's just straight-up human murder.
Holy [bleep.]
, fly away! Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap.
You'd better lay low.
I know a school of magic in the UK.
I'm British, you know? Ah, yes, Rupert Giles.
He's British, you know? Well, if a Brit asks me to hide a murderer, I cannot refuse.
BFL, Brits For Life.
Oh, boy.
You're gonna teach me magic? I can't wait to Mindfreak my friends.
We'll start with Spellcasting 101.
Pop quiz, hot shot.
I've shit my robe.
- Now what? - Uh sorry, did you say you shit in your robe? Yes, it's canon.
Now, you will clean it up with magic.
Take your wand and repeat after me.
- Fecus deletus.
- Fecus depletus.
Aah! Potter! No, try again.
Flecus depleticucus.
The time is almost near when Harry Potter shall Oh, oh, whoa! Once more with confidence.
Fecus delicious.
Got something in my my You know, I I don't think this is the school for you.
Ah, this must be the public magic school.
Welcome to the Academy of Unseen Arts.
It's a really great school.
We're all one big family.
That sounds great! - What's up, Sabrina? - This is for Harvey! Praise Satan.
Tough school.
Oh, no.
I'm late for the orgy.
Or the best school.
So, uh, is there, like, a jump-in place? Do I need a tag from somebody, just like a double-dutch? Do I get a count on it? Miss Lucy, how's your boobies? I squeezed them with my hands.
Hey, look at that guy.
His anus is so well-groomed.
Who dares disturb the dark lord's orgy?! Oh, my gosh, Greg Berlanti.
That's just my nom de plume.
You can't join this orgy unless you're a witch.
Ooh, ooh, but I-I know a spell.
Watch this.
Fecus delicious.
I don't want you to sign my book, okay? You're banished to Oh, a tropical island.
This is pretty good.
Where's the school? Oh, [bleep.]
you, Greg Berlanti.
Aah! Oh, my gosh.
Look at this ground speed.
Ha.
I take back what I said, Greg Berlanti.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, a lot of dawdling when we need to be hurrying to get on this boat please.
Calm down! We're all going to make it on the boat.
Well, obviously, you've never seen "Titanic", - so excuse, please.
- Sorry, buddy, we are full up.
Hey, no big.
If history has taught us anything, it's that dinosaurs are indestructible.
Whoa! I was wrong And up next, at the illegal dinosaur auction, the least [bleep.]
able dinosaur you've ever seen.
What is this auction for? - Is this like "get out"? - $3 million.
I can't wait to cuckold this human-headed lizard.
- Ditto! $4 million.
- Oh, crap, I don't want to be cuckold by that old woman.
Come on, hot lady.
I'll hide in your closet.
Everybody, freeze! This is a raid.
Goddamn, there's some Jurassic porking - going on in here.
- Oh, thank God you're here.
There's the dino pip.
Take him away, boys.
Aw, dang it.
Well, this whole day was like a random set of circumstances tied together by the flimsiest of devices.
I feel like almost anything could happen next.
- Hallelujer.
- Oh, yay, Madea! Nobody functions out of context like you.
Oh.
That's my stomach.
What's happening? - Oh! - Ta-da! So this is "Robot Chicken.
" Not how I expected it to smell.
Deadpool? Gosh, Tyler Perry is so versatile.
Where is his Oscar? - Cool sword move.
- Wait.
I was in there the whole time? Focus on what's important, kid.
You're Bandersnatching.
Listen.
Believe it or not, I've never even seen one.
Imagine, if you will, a fourth wall through which you're being watched and, if you choose, can break.
Uh, yeah, there's obviously a fourth wall because this is a room.
Aah! Aah! I love you.
Look.
You don't make your own choices.
A force beyond your control does.
Yeah, Greg Berlanti.
Welcome to the Berlanti-verse.
No! Just watch.
Should he punch himself in the balls or pick his nose and eat it? Balls or nose? What? No, what am I doing? Stop it.
I need those.
Aaah! There, there, Rocky Ball-boa.
It's okay.
You can't make choices, but you can game the system.
- Get it? - I think so.
I do want out of here, so will I be rescued by a famous model or a famous actress? Oh, yeah, somebody call for Fabio? Ah, guess I left those choices open to interpretation.
- Quick, nerd, you are rescue.
- Mm, I'd ship that.
And away we go! Hey, nerd, you want to go to an adventure? To infinity and beyond! - To infinity and beyond! - Yeah! Aaaah! And with that sketch, my 10 seasons of research has concluded.
10 seasons of injecting pure streams of pop culture into a captive viewer.
What has that done to their brain? What has that done to their mind? All of my data has been plugged into this computer, which will now spit out the answer.
What is the perfect joke? "La la land.
" Thank you for your time.
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.
Here we go, buddy.
Sleep tight, pal.
De-de-de-de-de-de deedly-deedly-de-de-de deedly-de, deedly-do deedly-do, do
I'm Sam Elliott.
And this is the 200th episode of Robot Chicken.
To celebrate, these folks came up with something special.
All of you fans together will be using your remote control to decide how the episode goes.
To select A, press your mute button.
To select B, press your power button.
Oh, wait.
[Bleep.]
yeah.
I would have skipped them, myself.
Well, enjoy.
Robot Chicken.
Commissioner, who is terrorizing Gotham this time? Joker, Two-Face? Carol? Uh, w-what are you doing here? I'm surprised you had time to answer the Bat signal since you seem too busy to answer my texts.
I lost my Bat-phone.
Me so horny.
That was my B-Bat-Timer.
- Mm.
- My Bat-Quiche is done.
- Oh, no! - Mm-hmm.
Your Tinder account was active just a few minutes ago, or is this not you? Think, Batman.
You're the greatest detective mind in the world.
There must be a way to get out of this.
This is the fourth new female villain you've handed over to Arkham this month.
Some women, they just want to watch the world burn.
Bitches be crazy.
Am I right? - Yeah, I think that's offensive.
- Yeah, it felt wrong.
What do you boys want to play with? Play-doh! Play-doh! Play-doh! You got it.
Picture, if you will, a cave wall upon which shadows are cast.
- Aw! - Aw! Now, I'm going to strip naked and wrestle your father.
Hop to it, dad.
- Yay? - Yay? If we plant our computer virus into their alien mother ship, it'll knock out all of their shields.
And how exactly are we going to infect the mother ship with a virus? Make my alien penis huge? Yes, please.
Ah, shit.
I'm glad to be at a new school after they turned my old one into a for-profit prison.
Hello? I'm looking for a surrogate father figure, but I'll settle for textbooks.
Textbooks will teach you nothing.
To defeat the supernatural, you must train.
Oh, so this is more of a trade school? Yes, and the trade is killing vampires, but you can't tell anyone, and there's no college credit.
That's okay.
I'm already in debt from my preschool, hashtag #thatmillenniallife.
To be the slayer, you must attack with confidence.
- Confident punch! - Sneak attack.
Well done.
Again.
Confident kick! - Nut punch! - Ooh! - Nuts! - Excellent! - Again.
- I'm losing my confidence.
Please! All right.
Training is over.
You're ready.
You're a great teacher, surrogate dad.
You see there? A family of gathering vampires.
Stake them through the heart, and they'll turn to dust.
Oh, yeah, I've seen their kind.
Any second now, they're going to start an old-timey baseball game.
We all miss grandma, but we can come here any time to say hi.
- Confident heart stab.
- Aah! Confident leg kick.
Combo heart stab combo! My parents! What are you doing? I am the slayer, duh, standing between the vampires of hell and the light.
We're not vampires, you asshole! You killed my parents.
You can't trick me with your vampire magic.
I'm too confident to fool.
- Stab, stab, stab! - Aah! Oh, gosh.
So, uh, these are the the not-turn-into-dust kinds of vampires, I guess.
I meant the other family.
That's just straight-up human murder.
Holy [bleep.]
, fly away! Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap.
You'd better lay low.
I know a school of magic in the UK.
I'm British, you know? Ah, yes, Rupert Giles.
He's British, you know? Well, if a Brit asks me to hide a murderer, I cannot refuse.
BFL, Brits For Life.
Oh, boy.
You're gonna teach me magic? I can't wait to Mindfreak my friends.
We'll start with Spellcasting 101.
Pop quiz, hot shot.
I've shit my robe.
- Now what? - Uh sorry, did you say you shit in your robe? Yes, it's canon.
Now, you will clean it up with magic.
Take your wand and repeat after me.
- Fecus deletus.
- Fecus depletus.
Aah! Potter! No, try again.
Flecus depleticucus.
The time is almost near when Harry Potter shall Oh, oh, whoa! Once more with confidence.
Fecus delicious.
Got something in my my You know, I I don't think this is the school for you.
Ah, this must be the public magic school.
Welcome to the Academy of Unseen Arts.
It's a really great school.
We're all one big family.
That sounds great! - What's up, Sabrina? - This is for Harvey! Praise Satan.
Tough school.
Oh, no.
I'm late for the orgy.
Or the best school.
So, uh, is there, like, a jump-in place? Do I need a tag from somebody, just like a double-dutch? Do I get a count on it? Miss Lucy, how's your boobies? I squeezed them with my hands.
Hey, look at that guy.
His anus is so well-groomed.
Who dares disturb the dark lord's orgy?! Oh, my gosh, Greg Berlanti.
That's just my nom de plume.
You can't join this orgy unless you're a witch.
Ooh, ooh, but I-I know a spell.
Watch this.
Fecus delicious.
I don't want you to sign my book, okay? You're banished to Oh, a tropical island.
This is pretty good.
Where's the school? Oh, [bleep.]
you, Greg Berlanti.
Aah! Oh, my gosh.
Look at this ground speed.
Ha.
I take back what I said, Greg Berlanti.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, a lot of dawdling when we need to be hurrying to get on this boat please.
Calm down! We're all going to make it on the boat.
Well, obviously, you've never seen "Titanic", - so excuse, please.
- Sorry, buddy, we are full up.
Hey, no big.
If history has taught us anything, it's that dinosaurs are indestructible.
Whoa! I was wrong And up next, at the illegal dinosaur auction, the least [bleep.]
able dinosaur you've ever seen.
What is this auction for? - Is this like "get out"? - $3 million.
I can't wait to cuckold this human-headed lizard.
- Ditto! $4 million.
- Oh, crap, I don't want to be cuckold by that old woman.
Come on, hot lady.
I'll hide in your closet.
Everybody, freeze! This is a raid.
Goddamn, there's some Jurassic porking - going on in here.
- Oh, thank God you're here.
There's the dino pip.
Take him away, boys.
Aw, dang it.
Well, this whole day was like a random set of circumstances tied together by the flimsiest of devices.
I feel like almost anything could happen next.
- Hallelujer.
- Oh, yay, Madea! Nobody functions out of context like you.
Oh.
That's my stomach.
What's happening? - Oh! - Ta-da! So this is "Robot Chicken.
" Not how I expected it to smell.
Deadpool? Gosh, Tyler Perry is so versatile.
Where is his Oscar? - Cool sword move.
- Wait.
I was in there the whole time? Focus on what's important, kid.
You're Bandersnatching.
Listen.
Believe it or not, I've never even seen one.
Imagine, if you will, a fourth wall through which you're being watched and, if you choose, can break.
Uh, yeah, there's obviously a fourth wall because this is a room.
Aah! Aah! I love you.
Look.
You don't make your own choices.
A force beyond your control does.
Yeah, Greg Berlanti.
Welcome to the Berlanti-verse.
No! Just watch.
Should he punch himself in the balls or pick his nose and eat it? Balls or nose? What? No, what am I doing? Stop it.
I need those.
Aaah! There, there, Rocky Ball-boa.
It's okay.
You can't make choices, but you can game the system.
- Get it? - I think so.
I do want out of here, so will I be rescued by a famous model or a famous actress? Oh, yeah, somebody call for Fabio? Ah, guess I left those choices open to interpretation.
- Quick, nerd, you are rescue.
- Mm, I'd ship that.
And away we go! Hey, nerd, you want to go to an adventure? To infinity and beyond! - To infinity and beyond! - Yeah! Aaaah! And with that sketch, my 10 seasons of research has concluded.
10 seasons of injecting pure streams of pop culture into a captive viewer.
What has that done to their brain? What has that done to their mind? All of my data has been plugged into this computer, which will now spit out the answer.
What is the perfect joke? "La la land.
" Thank you for your time.
Ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.
Here we go, buddy.
Sleep tight, pal.
De-de-de-de-de-de deedly-deedly-de-de-de deedly-de, deedly-do deedly-do, do