Curb Your Enthusiasm s11e02 Episode Script

1
("FROLIC"
BY LUCIANO MICHELINI PLAYING) ♪
DON WINSTON JR: Larry, we are so
excited about this show. Right?
- We've been talking about it
- Cool.
-all week long.
- Is that so?
All right, so just a little bit
of housekeeping right up front,
uh, on the casting side
of things,
you guys are pretty keen
on this particular young woman
to play Marsha Lifshitz, right?
- Uh, what's the
- EXEC 2: Maria Sofia Estrada.
Maria Sofia Estrada. Yeah.
Where'd you find her?
Oh
- We couldn't find her on IMDB.
- Is she on TikTok?
- Does she do theater?
- Does she do theater?
(SCOFFS)
Does she do theater!
You know what?
Okay. Are you ready?
- Yeah.
- LARRY DAVID: All right.
A friend of mine,
his daughter goes to high school
and they're doing a high school
production of Romeo and Juliet,
and his daughter
was playing Mrs. Montague.
He asked me if I wanted to go.
Sure, I'll go.
I love theater. Okay? Sue me.
What-- what-- what am I, crazy?
I just love it, you know?
I just-- I sit there,
and I go, "Whoa!"
It's theater, you know.
It's all alive. It's happening.
But anyway, his daughter,
sorry to say,
she just, you know,
didn't have it.
- But..
- ALL: Mm?
the girl playing Juliet. Oh!
My God, she was sensational.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Can you guys believe it?
My daughter's gonna be the star
of Larry David's new show.
(CUSTOMERS CHEERING)
I mean, she was incredible.
I went backstage.
I saw my friend's daughter.
I said, "Y--y--y-- very good,
- where's Juliet?" You know.
-(LAUGHTER)
And I went to find Juliet,
and she came in to audition.
- She's like a discovery.
- Oh, so she read
for you already?
- She read, yes.
- DON: Oh, wow.
- Oh! The electricity
in the room, forget about it.
- Oh my God! Oh my God!
I'd love to see the tape.
Well
I, um, I did not tell you this.
What?
I accidentally
erased the tape yesterday.
I know.
I've been hesitant to tell you.
Oh, my God, Jeff,
why did you do that?
- You fucking idiot.
- Yeah, I know.
- You're a fucking idiot,
you know that?
- Can I tell you something?
- It's all right.
- LARRY: Yeah.
- I am. I am.
- You are.
I am. I'm a fucking idiot.
I'm so sorry.
So no tape? Okay. Um
Who told you the tape--
Who told you to futz with it?
- Look, I got a little crazy.
- You got a little crazy.
- What do you want from me?
- Yeah, shut up. Just shut up.
Bit of a ray of sunshine then.
Um, we have a kid we think
- is fantastic for Young Larry.
- Is that so?
- Yeah. He's
- Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Dylan O'Brien,
you guys know Dylan O'Brien?
- Dylan O'Brien.
- EXEC 2: He's so hot right now.
DON: He was in Teen Wolf.
Uh, he's in the Maze Runner
trilogies.
- We think he's Young Larry.
- Yeah.
DON: Attaching someone
like Dylan,
- this show goes
for a very long time.
- Uh-huh.
So, look, he's in a band.
He's got a little pet project.
It's Dylan O'Brien
and the Entrails.
- You know.
- EXEC 2: They're great.
Yeah. They are--
They're actually pretty good.
And he plays guitar and drums.
Come to the show tomorrow,
you know, bunch of
young people will be
- He's gonna be singing?
- Yeah. Yeah. He's gonna sing.
If you're going, I'm going.
- You going?
- So, you'll go?
- Okay.
- Okay, great.
Rock concert?
Can't stand rock concerts.
This is pure torture for me,
honestly.
So loud, you know?
It's a nightclub. There's not
even gonna be places to sit.
Exact-- and-- and we're gonna
have to go backstage
and pretend that we liked it,
and it's
- Ow. What the--
- Who needs that shit?
Geez.
Fuckin' tooth is killing me,
man.
- You got a good dentist?
- He retired.
He did? I got the guy for you.
- LARRY: Really?
- Dr. Thanapapalous.
- He's fantastic.
- Well, maybe I'll go to him.
You gotta go to him.
However, if you do go,
uh, there's a young lady
named Angie.
Uh, great girl. Great hygienist.
(SIGHS) I got her pregnant.
And, uh, she got an abortion.
- And, uh, yeah.
- Wow.
- Wow. Sorry. Holy cow.
-(GROANS)
- One big headache.
- You paid for the abortion?
- Of course I paid
for the abortion.
- LARRY: Yeah, of course.
(SIGHS)
Geez.
What are you supposed to do?
She's beautiful,
flirted with me.
- What am I gonna do?
- What do you got
going for you?
I don't get it.
By the way,
I don't question it.
- So that's over now?
- Yeah. We're not dating anymore.
All right.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Pee before you leave,
that's my credo.
It's a good credo.
(PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(LARRY GRUNTING)
(YELLS)
(MUSIC SWELLS DRAMATICALLY) ♪
(ZIPPER OPENS)
(MUSIC CRESCENDOS) ♪
(KNOCKING)
DON: Come on in. Hey.
- Sorry to interrupt.
- No, no. Not at all.
- We were talking about you.
-(EXECS CHUCKLING)
I just wanted to let you know
that I was using
- the, uh, the unisex bathroom.
- Yeah.
The toilet seat
does not stay up.
- Oh, I'm sorry about that.
- You know, I was climbing
- on the rim, okay?
- Oh. Oh.
Then I was holding it up
with my foot
because that thing
can't come down in midstream
'cause, you know, I don't have
the urethral discipline
I had when I was a youth.
- You know? So
-(ALL LAUGHING)
But it beat the alternative,
which is sitting,
pants on the floor,
you know what?
Those pants go right
in the incinerator.
I swear to you, if those pants
touch that floor,
I'm going home in my underwear.
-(LAUGHTER)
- That's fantastic.
- Anyway--
- Yeah. I-- I-- you know what?
Thank you for bringing it
to our attention.
- I will talk to maintenance.
- You'll talk to maintenance?
Absolutely.
You got it. We're on it.
Okay, you go back
to your business.
- All right, take care.
- DON: Okay.
- DON: Thanks, Larry.
- EXEC: Bye, Larry.
And you're going to Asia
with this guy?
You don't even know him
from a hole in the wall.
I like adventure.
New places. New man.
- I don't know.
- See new things. Fuck yeah.
- MARY FERGUSON: Yeah.
- I call her Deuce. Number two.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
- Mary Ferguson Two.
- That's right.
By the way,
let me give you a little tip.
- MARY: Okay. Okay.
- Okay?
- You're gonna be with this guy?
- MARY: Yeah?
Don't walk into any glass doors.
- I'll try not to.
-(LAUGHS)
Okay. Well, I'm still hungry.
- My steak was amazing. So good.
- Are you gonna finish it?
Uh, no, I'm gonna save that
for my dog.
Oh.
Can I have some?
Uh, no, I'm gonna give it
to my dog.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I can't have a piece of that?
- No, taking it in a doggie bag.
LEON: Right now, that dog
is sitting home anticipating
a doggie bag coming home.
They're not expecting five
slices. Got five slices there.
What if you brought home
three slices and gave me two,
would that kill anybody?
No, I'm gonna take it all
for my dog.
Humans should take precedence
over an animal.
But pets should take precedence
over someone I just met.
- So you're not gonna
give me any?
- No.
- Okay.
- Makes sense to me.
You know what makes sense to me?
If you wanna give
your dog all your steak,
perhaps
perhaps you should pay for it.
Wow.
- Wow?
- Wow.
No, no, no. That's not "wow".
This is wow.
No, asking me to pay. Wow. Wow.
No, no, no.
Dog over man. That's the wow.
No, it's, um, "Oh, I want you
to pay for this meal."
- That's a wow.
- Yeah. No, no.
"I'm gonna give my dog
five slices of my steak
- and not this guy." Wow.
- MARY: Oh, oh--
- That's wow.
-"Oh, you should pay
for the bill,"
- yeah, no, that's wow.
"Go pay for the bill."
- Oh, no. Wow. Wow.
- I got the wow.
- I got the wow.
BOTH: That's not the wow!
That's not the wow!
That's not the wow!
That's not the wow!
So listen, I don't know
what to make of this.
Angie told me
she's having complications
- and she needs more money.
- From the abortion? Jesus.
- Wow.
- What complications?
Man, oh, man, that sounds a--
That sounds a tad suspicious.
She might be taking
complete advantage of me.
How are you supposed to know?
She could say anything.
Right. That's why
you're on a secret mission.
When you're at the dentist,
you need to find out
what's going on.
So when you go there,
keep an eye out.
- SUSIE GREENE: Hey, Jeff?
- Oh, you know,
but you say he's good.
But that touchdown
wasn't a touchdown.
- No, no.
- No way.
- Hey, what are you doing here?
- Oh, we got to go, uh,
see that kid play at a concert.
- The young actor--
- Oh, the actor for the show.
- LARRY: Yeah. Yeah.
- We got the new towels. Fluffy.
- Oh, they're beautiful.
Feel this, new fluffy towels.
- Not like your ratty old towels.
- What?
What'd you say about my towels?
I said not like
your ratty old towels.
Ratty towels?
I have ratty towels?
Well, it's just a fact, Larry--
It's not a fact,
my towels are not ratty.
Well, don't take such offense.
We get new towels
every few years.
You need to get some new towels.
No, you're wrong.
I don't need new towels.
Towels are better
when they're washed
over and over again,
like a pair of jeans.
- They dry you a lot better.
- Okay.
They're aged.
Because new doesn't dry.
You pat dry, I rub dry.
That's the difference.
You wanna keep patting dry,
you have the rest of your life,
go pat dry,
because you don't know
the pleasures of a rub dry.
Well, you know
I love the fluffy towel.
- SUSIE: You love a fluffy.
- Oh, my God.
But when I wanna do a quick dry,
and thorough,
I'd love to have
some aged towels.
- Can we keep a couple aged?
- All right, you see what
you're doing now?
You're turning him
against my nice new towels.
- I didn't need your butt-insky.
- All right, come on.
We better go.
SUSIE: We're not keeping
the old towels!
(PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Can I get a champagne, please?
Oh, my Lord. Look at this.
Look who's here.
- What?
- Fancy meeting you here.
I know. How's it going?
- Good. What are you doing here?
- I came to watch Dylan.
My friend Anne is his publicist,
so I've known him
for a very long ti--
What are you doing here?
We're scouting
this, uh, Dylan O'Brien,
maybe he's gonna be
in our show.
Oh. Well, it's fun
to be here, right?
- It's kind of seedy.
- LARRY: Yeah.
A little ratty,
like your towels.
What?
When I say ratty,
I think of your towels.
(SCOFFS)
Like my towels?
Ratty like my towels?
Did Susie talk to you
about my towels? Huh?
I'm just saying
your towels are old and ratty.
- That's all I'm saying.
- Did Susie say that
- to you recently, huh?
- Does it matter?
I'm just saying.
Don't talk about my towels,
and don't say they're ratty,
'cause they're not ratty.
- Don't say the word ratty?
- No, don't say the word ratty.
Don't use them
in your analogies anymore
if something is ratty.
A ratty towel has holes in it
and you use it
to-- to clean up vomit.
So let's just agree to disagree.
No, I don't agree to disagree.
I disagree to disagree,
and I don't wanna hear it again.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
I love you, Dylan! Whoo!
- Enjoy the show. We'll see you.
- CHERYL DAVID: You too.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Let's go!
(SINGING)
I'm moving to the country ♪
I'm gonna eat
A lot of peaches ♪
I'm moving to the country ♪
I'm gonna eat me
A lot of peaches ♪
Oh, peaches come from a can ♪
They were put there by a man ♪
In a factory downtown ♪
I mean, what else did we expect?
- It's intolerable.
- My ears are bleeding.
This is really one of the worst
experiences of my life,
I'm not exaggerating.
Some sulking vultures
In the shade ♪
Oh no, drums.
(DRUMS CRASHING) ♪
(SINGING)
I'm moving to the country ♪
I'm gonna eat me
A lot of peaches ♪
I'm moving to the country ♪
Thank you. Holy shit.
(SINGING)
I'm moving to the country ♪
I'm gonna eat me
A lot of peaches ♪
(MUFFLED SINGING)
(MUFFLED) He's eating
a lot of peaches!
He's
With a rotting peach
In my vest ♪
I'm dreaming about you
Woman ♪
(MUFFLED SINGING)
And it was a big time
It's a small space ♪
DYLAN O'BRIEN:
The last peaches verse,
I think, best we've ever done.
And we--
and we're gonna run with it.
- Hey!
- This fucking guy!
- What's going on?
- That was fantastic!
- Is that so?
- Oh, my God. We loved it.
It was amazing.
Oh, I was clapping and swaying
and clapping and swaying.
(MUFFLED) You have no idea
how much that means to me.
I'm so emotional.
It makes me connected to you.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm sorry.
What are you, uh
You got, like, hearing aids?
You got fucking tissue
in your ear.
- Is that to block sound? No?
- Oh!
- Oh! (LAUGHS) Look at that!
- Can you believe?
-"Hey, loved the show.
Loved the show."
- Oh, my God, look at that.
"Loved it so much,
I put fucking tissue in my ear."
- No, no, no--
- Definitely not in there
to block the sound out
of the show?
- Don't wanna hear it.
- Oh, no. There was a guy
standing behind me.
- Huh.
- So loud
- Screaming in my ear.
- Screaming in the ear.
And he was drowning out
the show.
- DYLAN: Okay.
- And this way, I was able
to drown him out
and still get the essence.
I think you're full of shit
a little bit.
To tell you the truth,
it was a tad loud for us, okay?
All right.
See, that's all you got to say.
We don't get music.
It's not our thing.
- DYLAN: Okay.
- We're-- You know,
we want you for your acting.
All right. Listen, I'll give
you one more shot.
You say you're a fan
of my acting?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- What performance of mine
really resonated with you?
- Of your acting?
- Yeah.
Oh, you know, the-- the--
- What have you seen?
- I've seen, uh
- You like the show?
- You know, the one
where you were
- in the kitchen cooking.
- Yeah?
- The boat movie.
- Yeah. There's no boat.
- There's no kitchen.
- You never cooked
- chicken alfredo with a friend?
- DYLAN: No.
See, my art means a lot to me.
- Okay?
- JEFF GREENE: Uh-huh.
Something I do out there
every time is profound.
Did you write
that "Peaches" song?
No. Technically I didn't write
the "Peaches" song.
LARRY: Huh. Okay.
What would prompt a person
to sing such an idiotic song?
Because the way it's aged
20 years later,
don't you see
how relevant it is now?
- No, I don't.
- Okay.
- See, I can take the honesty.
- Yeah. You can take it.
- I can take criticism, you know?
- Of course. Yeah.
You should be able to.
- What great artist couldn't?
- Name one who could.
- I'll tell you what.
You're looking at him.
- Yeah?
- You want the straight dope?
- Give it to me. I promise you.
I can take it.
I'm ready to grow.
- In two words
- Yeah.
-it stunk.
- Go fuck yourself.
I thought you said
you could take it.
You think that you've got a shot
in hell at me doing the show?
- No, no, no.
- Listen,
- let's just cut the cord, okay?
- Okay, yeah.
I'm a kind person, all right?
I'm a very peaceful guy.
Dogs are my life, right?
I started a restaurant
where you can sit
and eat a meal with your dog
next to you outside.
- First of its kind.
- You didn't start the first one.
- I see people sitting outdoor--
- Show me one place.
Name one, name one other
restaurant that does that.
Where you can
bring your dog outside.
Burger King.
- I gotta be honest.
- LARRY: Yeah?
I took an edible
as soon as the show ended,
and it's really
starting to kick in,
so I kind of need to get
in my zone right now.
- Do some yoga, do some MDMA.
- LARRY: Okay. Yeah. Got it.
You sure you didn't take
that edible before the show?
- Get the fuck out, okay?
- Okay. Sure.
DON: I got a call
from his manager, Larry,
and, um, Dylan was offended.
- Ah.
- DON: Yeah.
Dylan is someone,
as I said before,
that we are very high on
at the network.
I'm not sure, after the
conversations that we've had,
that this show
works without Dylan.
You know what? I like the kid.
- He's great, right?
I liked his personality.
- Very charming. Funny.
- DON: Great.
Qualities I think I had
when I was a young man, right?
I think he's a perfect fit
for the show.
I see him as Young Larry!
- So do we, so do we.
-(EXECS AGREEING)
So what I think
would be appropriate
is, um, you know, some sort
of apology, some sort of
- I will apologize.
- DON: Fantastic.
See that palm?
That's what he's gonna be
eating out of very soon.
(LAUGHTER)
DON: Well, I'm glad
to hear you say that
because if we can land someone
like Dylan, you know,
that helps us work
with your unknown,
- Maria Sofia Estrada.
- Maria Sofia.
Which you guys
are still leaning towards?
- Absolutely.
- Oh! Oh, my God.
That performance
We were wondering, um,
because it came up
from our morning meeting,
would she, uh
Would she go back on tape?
They wanna see tape, huh?
You wanna see tape?
- EXEC 2: Yeah.
- We'd love to.
- We'll get you tape!
- Great!
Get out of here.
Of course, we'll get you tape.
- That would be great.
- Unfortunately
can't do it right away,
because she's out of town, so
We can send her equipment.
We can get her a tripod.
- DON: She can shoot on a phone.
- Yeah, her iPhone's fine.
Very busy, very busy.
She's too busy.
Did she get a gig,
is she on set someplace?
No, no. She's, uh,
she's doing, um,
- Habitat for Humanity
- Habitat for Humanity.
- Oh. Wow.
- Well, good for her. Wow.
- That's commendable.
- LARRY: Pretty great, right?
Where's she doing that?
- In New Mexico. Yeah.
- Oh, wow.
Uh, why there?
Well, it's close to Mexico.
And, uh, she's got family
across the border
and, um, they like the fact
that she's working nearby.
Okay. Well, you know,
as soon as she's free,
we'd love to get her back
on tape, and that would, um
- That would-- That would--
- All right. Well, thank you.
- DON: Yeah. Thank you guys--
- Oh, you know, um
Just one more thing
before we go.
Yeah.
I used that unisex bathroom
before the meeting.
- Mm-hmm.
- LARRY: And I noticed
that the seat,
it's still not staying up.
Oh.
Did you talk
to the maintenance guy?
Uh, yeah, I did,
right after we spoke.
Hm. You know, it's an odd thing.
'Cause those maintenance guys,
they're usually right on it,
you tell them something,
they do it right away,
especially from, you know,
the big-- the big cheese.
It's a big building.
(LAUGHS) You know?
Lots of, uh Lots of things.
- All right. Sounds good.
- DON: Yeah.
- Okay. Yeah.
- All right. Great.
JEFF: So are you gonna apologize
to the actor?
Apology? I don't think
that's gonna cut it.
Nope. Got to come up
with something different.
Yeah. Something
- Big. Good. Yeah.
- Something Something
Something interesting.
Julio, hi!
- How are ya?
- Good.
Julio works in the building
where my dentist's office is.
Oh, yeah?
And you also work here?
- Yes, sir.
- Oh, you spoke to Don Jr.
about the toilet seat
that, uh, won't stay up?
No. No one said anything
about a broken toilet seat.
Don Jr. didn't talk to you
about a toilet seat
on the sixth floor bathroom
that won't stay up?
Nobody's talked to me about
a toilet that doesn't stay up.
Maybe he spoke to somebody else?
If it was broken,
they would speak to me,
'cause I fix everything
in the building.
Why would he tell me
he spoke to you when he didn't?
Junior.
Fucking Junior!
LARRY: I notice you got
arrival time here.
Why do you need arrival time?
I can see appointment time,
but the arrival time,
- that I don't get.
- Just standard policy.
- Can I be honest with you?
- Sure.
If my arrival time
was after my appointment time,
I think I would lie
about the arrival time.
Why would you lie?
I don't know. I'd feel like
I'm not being a good patient.
We just like to keep track
of things.
Yeah, keep track of what
an uncooperative patient I am.
Are you?
Well, I'm saying hypothetically,
I could be,
but you'd never know, because I
would lie about it anyway.
If you could just put down
your arrival time.
Here's the Wilson file
for you, okay?
- Thanks, Angie.
- Yeah, of course.
- Angie?
- Hmm?
I'm Larry David,
I'm a friend of Jeff Greene.
He's the one who recommended me
to come here.
- Oh, Jeff's so cool.
- LARRY: Yeah.
- Love Jeff.
- ANGIE: Yeah.
So I guess I'll see you
in a minute in the back.
- Okay.
- ANGIE: Okay.
RECEPTIONIST: Oh, I love
those earrings.
- They're new.
- RECEPTIONIST:
Are they diamonds?
- ANGIE: Yes, they are!
- Means they're expensive.
ANGIE: I know, I treated myself.
And I don't wanna feel guilty
about that.
- You shouldn't. No.
- I shouldn't. And I won't.
RECEPTIONIST: I like that.
(PHONE RINGING)
RECEPTIONIST:
West Side Dental group.
You took the middle?
(GREEK MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKER) ♪
DR. THANAPAPALOUS:
Okay, Mr. David.
How we doing?
We taking good care, huh?
- Oh, I'm having such a blast.
-(THANAPAPALOUS LAUGHS)
I wish I could come every day.
Somehow, I don't believe you.
-(LAUGHS)
- Let me ask you something.
And please, don't take this
the wrong way.
How does it feel to know that
nobody wants to see you?
Well, they probably have
problems with other dentists,
but once they come here,
they wanna come back.
Everybody comes back
to this one.
I know, but they don't want
to come back.
Okay. Whatever you say, then.
Let's get down to work, okay?
All right. So we just made
the impression, so now
- ANGIE: Everything looks good
-(GREEK MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
THANAPAPALOUS:
make you a temporary crown.
You listening to me?
And then you come back
in a week,
and we'll put the permanent in,
and that's it.
And then you don't have to
see me anymore! (LAUGHS)
No hard foods, no hard candy,
taffy, things like that.
- Chewing on apples, okay?
-(GREEK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Now, let me just take a look
at your X-rays.
ANGIE: No. I'm serious.
Four and a half years,
I've not taken
a single day off.
So I deserve like, honestly,
like a six-month long vacation.
I haven't even taken
a Saturday off
(GREEK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- ANGIE: I try and eat healthy
- Could you do me a favor?
THANAPAPALOUS: Sure. What?
Could you turn
the music down, please?
You want me to turn down
the Greek music?
- Yeah.
- This is a Greek office.
Yeah, I understand.
But still, it just--
it feels wrong here.
It's the music of my ancestors.
Yeah. Not necessarily the music
of your patients, though.
Oh, well, I'm so sorry
I offended you.
You're not offending me.
I just-- I'm just asking you
to turn it down.
You're coming into my office,
and you're telling me
what to do.
I'm not telling you,
I'm asking you.
What? Does this really bother
you that much?
- Don't take it personally.
- Well, I am!
You come in here and you tell me
you don't like the music,
that it's annoying to you,
that you don't like Greek music?
- Yeah.
- You don't like it? Go.
You wanna leave? Okay.
We're done here. Fyge!
- You're kicking me out?
- Yes, I'm kicking you out.
- Fine. Good.
- Okay, good. We're done.
But you didn't finish!
You gotta put the crown in.
I can't-- I-- I--
My mouth is no good!
I don't give a skatá
about your crown!
And you were late, anyway.
Maláka!
(GREEK MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING) ♪
-(VACUUM WHIRRING)
-(ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Julio?
- Yeah. Yes, sir.
- Boy, you really get around!
-(LAUGHS)
So let me ask you something.
Don Jr. still hasn't
spoken to you?
No. And I was there yesterday.
On his floor.
Well (SIGHS)
I just-- I don't know
what to say.
I mean, it's-- it's remarkable.
- Yep.
- Junior, Don Jr.
Have a good day.
Asshole.
LARRY: So the music is blaring.
Going to the dentist,
it's excruciating enough
without hearing that music.
That makes it ten times worse.
That Greek music is
very specific.
You know what I mean?
I put that shit in the category
of that fucking Feta cheese.
You gotta be into that shit.
- Do you like Feta cheese?
- No. Fuck that.
I don't think
mice like that shit.
What you should do is this,
you send that email
before you go to the dentist.
You know? Let them know
what you wanna hear.
What kind of music
does your dentist play?
He plays what the fuck
I tell him to play.
It's like playlist courtesy.
But what do you generally listen
to on the chair?
One, stripper music,
or two, bossa nova. See?
- One is for taking off
your clothes.
- Mmm.
And one is for putting
clothes on.
- I like bossa nova.
- I love bossa nova.
- Brazilian, you know? Yeah.
- Ooh.
- I love that music.
- Hi, guys.
- LEON: Hey!
- Hi, honey.
- How you doing?
-(BABBLING)
How you doing? All right.
So you have everything you need
for taking care of him?
Oh, yeah.
We're gonna have a good time.
What? What do you mean?
What do you mean,
taking care of him?
I'm gonna be taking care
of the dog for a few days
while she does
the little job thing.
The dog's staying here
for a few days?
- Yeah.
- Are you serious?
You don't think
you could have asked me?
You guys are gonna have
so much fun.
You're gonna say, "The whole
time you were in Asia,
I wanna take care
of Angel Muffin."
- Who? What?
- Angel Muffin.
- Angel Muffin?
- MARY FERGUSON: Yeah.
- Angel Muffin?
- Yes.
That's her name? Angel Muffin?
His name.
Him. Him?
You named a male Angel Muffin?
- MARY: I did. I did.
- Why?
Because when I saw him
at the rescue, that's the name
that popped into my head,
Angel Muffin.
There's no gender
to angels or muffins.
You gotta be kidding.
That's like a-- a five-year-old
would name their dog that.
- You're gonna fall in love
with this damn dog too.
- You are.
I could never say that name
out loud.
Never. It's too humiliating.
I would never
shout out that name
under any circumstances.
Well, you have to,
that's all he responds to.
- LEON: Angel Muffin!
- MARY: Come say hi to Larry.
Angel Muffin. See?
LEON: You can't just
call a dog anything,
motherfucker won't turn around.
Hey, hey.
Stop scratching the pillow!
What's going on here? Hey. Hey!
Angel Muffin, stop.
LEON: See, you gotta say
Angel Muffin first,
- then you say stop.
- Angel Muffin, off the couch.
That's it. Easy.
Oh, by the way, how did the dog
enjoy the steak?
He didn't, actually.
It made him really sick.
- Oh.
- Yeah. He's been throwing up.
Wait a second.
Throwing up? Where?
All over the place.
Well, what's he doing
in the house?
- Get him out of the house!
- It'll be fine.
I don't want the dog
in the house.
-(ANGEL MUFFIN RETCHING)
- What the fuck?
Oh, Angel Muffin.
How are you doing?
(RETCHING CONTINUES)
- MARY: He's sick. He's sick.
- What? Come on!
I told you! Look at that!
Oh, poor baby.
Angel Muffin, up!
-(ANGEL MUFFIN BARKS)
- Oh, look at that.
Now this is how your towels
should feel.
Ooh.
Okay. So, Angie the hygienist.
What do you got for me?
I know she was showing off
these new diamond earrings.
And she said,
"Well, I'm treating myself."
- She's treating herself.
- Yeah, treating herself.
-(CLAPS) With your money.
- With my money.
Also, I heard something about
how she never took a day off.
- Who doesn't take a day off
for an abortion?
- Yeah.
How do you get an abortion
then clean someone's teeth
- in the same day?
- Not unless you're a sociopath.
You might be getting taken.
But the thing is, I don't know.
And I wanna do what's right.
- Exactly.
- We need definitive proof.
You know what we need?
Private detective.
You know who we need?
Mr. Barnaby Jones.
Is this big enough
for him to take?
Oh, most definitely.
- Going into the office
- Yeah.
"Mr. Jones, here's our problem."
- Yeah.
-(LAUGHS)
No, you want Barnaby Jones
on this case.
- Thank you so very much.
- WAITER: You're so welcome.
- LARRY: Thank you.
- Hello, hello, hello!
- JEFF: Hey, hey, hey.
- LARRY: Hey, hey.
- You started already?
- Yeah.
Oh, God, you couldn't wait?
Now what kind of behavior
is that?
Who wants to wait?
What's the point?
What is this meshugaas I'm
hearing with you at the dentist?
What the hell happened?
By the way, you could've
warned me about the music.
- SUSIE: Jeff loves it.
- I tune it out.
But listen, you gotta
talk to him for me,
because I-- I need the--
He's got the crown.
I need the crown.
I'll work it.
Don't worry about it.
- Thank you.
- I'll work it.
Oh, you ran into Cheryl,
I heard.
Yeah. What are you talking
about my towels to Cheryl for?
Well, I thought Cheryl
would be interested.
- Interested? Why? Who cares?
- In that the towels
went downhill
since she lived with you.
Stop gossiping about my towels.
- They're none of your business.
- All right!
And you know what?
I'm getting new towels now,
and I'm gonna make them ratty,
and in ten years,
you're gonna see
- some great towels.
- You're getting new towels,
you're gonna make them ratty,
how?
You wash and you wash
and you wash,
and then you hit 'em
against a rock,
you hit 'em against the rock,
and then you age your towels,
until I get it right,
but it takes years.
You got a big rock
in your backyard?
Yes, yes.
I have a rock in my backyard.
And you use it for aging towels?
Aging towels, yes.
You know what,
if your towels weren't so ratty,
I wouldn't have to talk
about them.
You wanna talk about me? Fine.
You wanna talk
about my relationships? Fine.
Do not discuss my towels.
So what's going on
with the casting and everything?
- Everything good?
- Oh, yeah.
We got to figure out what to do
about this Dylan O'Brien.
We need to somehow apologize,
but that's not gonna do
anything.
- So maybe a gift.
- What kind of gift?
- I don't know. I don't know.
- What does he like?
I don't know what he likes.
I know nothing except that
he likes dogs, which we know.
Yeah, we know he likes dogs.
JEFF: He's just crazy
about dogs.
Loves them.
He can't get enough of dogs.
(PLAYFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- How do you do?
-(ANGEL MUFFIN PANTING)
LARRY: Who's such a good doggy?
Who's such a good boy?
- Who's a good boy?
- Larry?
- Hey.
- DYLAN: Hey.
What are you doing at my place?
Oh! Oh, this is the place
you were telling me about.
- Yeah. Yeah. It's my restaurant.
- Oh, wow.
What do you got--
Are you walking a dog?
Oh, do I have a dog!
I sure do. Look at this guy.
DYLAN: Oh, wow.
You didn't mention
that you had a dog.
No, I've had him
about two and a half years.
He a rescue or you get him--
You didn't get him
from a breeder, right?
- No. A literal rescue.
- Oh.
Crazy story.
I'm walking down 26th Street,
and I hear this whimper
coming from a dumpster.
That's so fucked up.
I go over there,
and I hear the whimper again.
- It gets louder.
- He's scared.
I dive into that dumpster.
It was disgusting.
I had ravioli all over me.
I sift through the garbage.
I come out with this
amazing miracle.
- Unbelievable.
- Took him home, gave him a bath.
- He's my best friend.
We watch TV together.
- Yeah?
He retrieves golf balls.
I hit 'em at the high school.
- No way.
- I love this kid.
(KISSES)
Aren't they amazing?
Dogs save your life.
-(COOING) Kiss, kiss, kiss.
- DYLAN: Aw!
Sorry. I can't. Dogs are just
my whole heart, so (LAUGHS)
- Why don't you join me?
- Really?
Yeah. Bring that little guy
over here. Come on.
Oh, I'd love to.
That would be great. Yeah.
What's, uh so, what's
your little guy's name?
- What's up, little sweetie?
- Oh. Oh, uh, Dumpster.
- Dumpster? Right.
'Cause you found him
- Found him in a dumpster.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
-(ANGEL MUFFIN WHIMPERS)
- Oh, shut up. Shut up.
You shouldn't
talk to him like that.
No, no, no, no.
You got to be strict with these.
Yeah. You gotta be strict.
Shut the fuck up, okay?
Hey, by the way (SIGHS)
I just wanna apologize again
for the other night.
- The tissue thing.
- Uh, yeah. The tissue thing.
Look. You know, I'm sorry, too.
'Cause I can get a little testy.
Yes, of course.
You're a sensitive artist. Yes.
To be honest,
I reflected on that night,
and I think I was feeling
a lot of insecurities, you know?
- And I'm actually kind of glad
I ran into you
- Yeah.
-because I'm seeing
a new side of you today, that--
-(ANGEL MUFFIN WHIMPERING)
- Oh, yes, yes, yes.
DYLAN: Oh, you want daddy?
What's that? You gotta poopie?
You gotta do a poopie?
You know what?
- LARRY: He's gotta go poopie!
- I think it's poopoo time.
Listen, I'll be right back,
and why don't we talk
a little more about Young Larry?
Oh! Yeah!
- Great.
- All right.
- I'll be back.
- Okay.
-(DOG BARKS)
-(ANGEL MUFFIN WHIMPERS, BARKS)
Ugh, shut up.
(ANGEL MUFFIN GROWLS)
- RECEPTIONIST: Okay.
- ANGIE: I can't wait.
I am so excited.
I've never been here for lunch.
I've heard so much
about this place.
- Oh, it's expensive.
- No, don't worry about it.
I'm gonna get it. Yeah.
- RECEPTIONIST: Okay.
- It's on me.
-(ANGEL MUFFIN WHIMPERING)
- LARRY: (WHISPERING) Shut up.
So, I'm gonna be taking
some time off.
- RECEPTIONIST: You are?
- Yes. Because I'm gonna go
- on a 10-day retreat.
-(ANGEL MUFFIN BARKING)
Shh. Quiet. Quiet.
Costa Rica? That's a little far.
Read about a quarters.
I'm gonna go into this,
like, four-star resort
- Don't bark! Shut up!
-(BARKING CONTINUES)
Bad doggy. Bad dog.
Hey! Hey!
No. Don't--
Hey! Angel Mu
Angel Muff Dog!
- Dog, dog!
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(THUD)
-(ANGEL MUFFING WHIMPERING)
Hey, buddy! What the fuck?
Why didn't you call
your dog's name?
Couldn't say it.
Wow.
(ANGEL MUFFIN WHIMPERING)
DON: (SIGHS) All right.
Well, needless to say,
Dylan is out.
Not doing the show.
There's plenty of people.
We're gonna be fine.
Just get another actor.
He's not the only actor.
Well, we'll get
some names together
- and see what we can do.
- There you go, there you go.
JEFF: Okay. Let's get going.
- All right. Get going.
- Yep, yep, yep.
- All right. We'll get going.
Come on. Come on.
- JEFF: Thank you.
A little puppy
got grazed by a car.
He's okay.
Not the end of the world.
- We're going. Thank you.
- All right.
- JEFF: Thank you for your time.
- Thank you.
Oh, you know what?
Forgot to mention.
- I spoke to the maintenance guy.
-(GROANS)
And he said that
you guys never spoke.
I'm sorry. We're talking
about the toilet again?
LARRY: Yeah, because you said
that you spoke to him,
and he said
that you never spoke.
Hmm. Well, Larry,
I can assure you
that I spoke
to the maintenance guy
- about the toilet seat problem.
- Really?
Why would he say that
you didn't?
Larry?
Are you calling me a liar?
I don't know.
Who am I supposed to believe?
The maintenance guy?
Or Don Jr.?
- What is that supposed to mean?
- I think you know what it means.
- No, I don't know
what that means, Larry!
- You know what Don Jr. means?
You know what?
You should take your show
and I think you should find
a better home for it.
- With pleasure, Don Jr.
- DON: Fantastic.
Good seeing you, Larry.
- Goodbye, Don Jr.
- DON: Yeah. Thank you, Larry.
- Thank you, Larry.
- Yeah, no, thank you.
- Bye, Larry.
- See you, Don Jr.
- Thank you, Larry.
- Okay, Don Jr.
LEON: Mary Ferguson is gone,
Larry. And it's your fault!
It's so hard to find fucking
Mary Fergusons, man.
That's two Mary Fergusons
you've cost me.
Mary Fergusons don't
fucking grow on trees, Larry!
You think I'm happy?
Okay. My show's over at Netflix
'cause I didn't wanna work
with a liar.
And your precious Mary Ferguson
is bilking me for more money.
- How?
- The dog needed hip surgery.
Fine. I paid for that.
Now she's saying
there are complications.
You know what I think?
I think it's a scam!
The same way that
that hygienist is scamming Jeff
about the abortion.
Let me tell you something, man.
Taking a dog to the fucking vet
is like taking your fucking car
to the dealership.
They add shit on.
Veterinary, uh, teeth cleanings,
all kinds of dumb shit.
They clean the ass out,
all kinds of-- Cut the nails.
Dogs get worms and shit.
They gotta deworm
these motherfuckers.
Take the worms
out these motherfuckers.
Okay. I don't give a fuck.
I want you to talk to her, okay?
I didn't yell the dog's name,
fine. But this is not fair.
What the fuck is she gonna do?
She over this shit.
You understand?
I invested in that ass.
And who the fuck's gonna go
on my trip now?
Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry
about that.
But there is some good news.
- Ta-da!
- Mm. Fuck.
Oh, yeah. That's nice.
- Oh, shit.
- That's a soft towel.
I'm done with coarse towels.
This is the way to go.
I was wrong.
I'm looking forward
to my next shower.
Yeah, fuck that.
I'm taking this shit
to my fuckin' room.
What? What are you talking
about? What are you doing?
- LEON: Fuck you mean,
"I'm talking about?"
- Hey, give me those towels.
- What are you doing?
- LEON: Fuck you, Larry.
LARRY: Anyway, I'm so sorry
for what happened the other day.
That's really not a true
representation of who I am.
- Really?
- Yes. Since that visit,
I've been listening
to Greek music
and it turns out, you know what?
I really like it.
- It's so fun.
- Are you kidding me?
(HUMMING GREEK FOLK TUNE) ♪
All right. Okay.
- Don't hurt yourself.
- I love it. I love it.
I knew you would like
Greek music.
You were so right,
Dr. Thanapapalous.
You know, my father always said
it takes a great man
to be able to recognize
that he was wrong,
and I accept your apology.
I guess you're saying
I'm a great man.
Okay. You know what?
Your permanent crown
is waiting for you.
I'm gonna go get it
and we'll take care of you.
Thank you, Dr. Thanapapalous.
You, too, are a great man.
(SINGING) Two great men
Two great men ♪
(GREEK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC CONTINUES MUFFLED) ♪
Okay, Mr. David.
How you doing?
- Uh-huh.
- You good?
(SPEAKING INAUDIBLY)
You like it?
And next is the sailor dance
in the weddings.
You know, they crash plates
and everything.
- Have you ever seen that?
-(LAUGHS)
(MUFFLED) Opa!
(LAUGHS)
Oh, you're really getting into
it, huh? I love it.
- Excuse me, Dr. Thanapapalous.
- Yeah. Uh-huh?
The urinal is still broken
in the men's room,
and people are complaining.
- Julio didn't fix it?
- No.
I talked to him twice this week.
- Okay, okay. I'll call him.
Thank you.
- Okay.
That son of a bitch janitor.
This Julio, he promised me,
he looked me in the face
and he said he was gonna fix
the urinal, and he didn't.
- He's a fucking liar.
- Uh-huh.
THANAPAPALOUS:
I asked him twice.
(SPEAKING INAUDIBLY)
- Ah!
- I think he drinks.
- Yeah.
- You never lie to a Greek.
- Especially the Greek mafia.
-(BOTH LAUGH)
- I'm just kidding.
- Yeah, yeah.
Just kidding.
Here you go, Doctor.
Oh, efcharisto, Angie.
Oh, do you need anything else
right now?
No. No, no. I'm good.
Thank you.
Poor thing.
She's really down.
Uh-huh?
- She had an abortion last week.
- Good.
But you know what?
She didn't miss one day of work.
(LAUGHS)
(GREEK MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
(SIGHS)
("FROLIC"
BY LUCIANO MICHELINI PLAYING) ♪