Murphy Brown s11e03 Episode Script
#MurphyToo
1 MURPHY: And, lastly, this reminder cold and flu season is approaching, so get your shots, pull out your heavy winter coats, and, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, stay away from drafts, please.
And we're clear.
And guess what, people? It's Sexual Harassment Seminar Day.
- [GROANS.]
- Everybody clear your browser histories.
Don't act surprised.
You all got the memo.
We're a new show, and the seminar is mandatory.
And as you all know, you can't spell "mandatory" without "man," so hope you guys learn a lot.
Bye.
FRANK: Murphy's right.
Some of us don't need to be here.
Let's head over to Phil's.
I could eat a whole chicken.
Julius, block the elevator.
- Hey, hey, hey! - Ohh! - Miles! - Are you kidding? This is my first sexual-harassment seminar.
Today, I am a man.
A fully employed man! Can't we at least do it fast? We already know everything they're gonna tell us.
Good morning, Miles.
Monica.
Hi.
Your research on the ramifications of the tax cuts was really spectacular.
Thank you so much.
I really love working in the research department here, and I love the show.
You run it so well.
Well, I have a great team with great people on it, like you.
Miles! Murphy, can't you see I'm having a conversation with a co-worker? Oh, it's okay.
I'll just take my seat.
What do you want, Murphy? I just wanted to say that I love working on this network with you, too.
All right! Settle down, people.
I need you It was Dennis.
There's no one here named Dennis.
Anyway, please welcome Brandon Jensen, who will be leading us in the seminar.
Brandon? BRANDON: Morning, everyone.
I'm here today to talk to you about sexual harassment.
Yes! Whoo! Preach! Yes.
You think you know it all.
But certain high-profile harassment cases have started important conversations about gender and power dynamics - in the workplace.
- Topple the patriarchy! Yes, I get it.
You're woke.
For those who aren't, even a seemingly innocent comment about a co-worker's attire can constitute harassment.
Well, I'm sorry, but if Frank wears another deep V-neck again, - I'm commenting.
- FRANK: Hey.
Hey.
There's always somebody like you in the crowd.
Thank you, Murphy, for providing an example of the kind of comment that could get you fired.
Hello.
The show's called "Murphy in the Morning.
" They're not firing me.
Do the names Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, and Bill O'Reilly ring any bells? [ALL MURMURING.]
And that's why, even if you think you're just complimenting a co-worker on her lovely, figure-hugging dress that showcases her ample bosom, you have to shut it down in your mind 'cause it's wrong and could result in your demotion at work and a painful separation from your wife of 17 years.
So, I think that just about wraps it up.
MILES: I have a question.
[ALL GROAN.]
I-If a hypothetical executive on a program like this but not this was interested in an employee and if said executive might be getting signals from that aforementioned person, would he be allowed to invite that person to a hypothetical dinner? Asking for a friend.
Is it the woman in the second row? No! I'll repeat myself.
Any sexual advances, welcome or unwelcome, toward any subordinates are unacceptable.
And with that, I'd like to thank you all for your [APPLAUSE.]
CORKY: Oh, thank God! I've had to pee for over an hour! FRANK: When I was growing up, it was so easy to know what was right and wrong.
If you did something bad, your father slapped you.
If you did something really bad, the priest slapped you.
Sometimes he tried to kiss you, but the slap really drove that point home.
PAT: I-I think I can help you, Frank.
I have been developing an app to help old to help men of a certain age navigate the ever-changing landscape of gender politics.
If it's successful, I could sell it and retire at 24.
I call it App-ropriate Behavior.
[LAUGHS.]
That's clever! So, the way it works is it monitors your speech for certain word combinations, and if you cross a line, it sends a warning in the form of a small vibration to your phone.
And you designed this yourself? - Do you ever sleep? - I function on very little, like dolphins, bullfrogs, and bees.
Now, the app is still in its beta stage, but are you down to test it for me? If it'll help me keep all these rules straight, why not? Cool! I'll send the app to your phone.
In the meantime, put my phone in your pocket and say something inappropriate to me.
Uh Uh, all right.
Just a se Um Okay.
Uh I could get lost in your deep brown eyes.
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
- Oh, wow! I felt that! - Yes! And thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Miguel, you chopped up all the limes? That was fast.
Are you kidding? This is easy.
I worked on my parents' food truck.
Try handling a knife at 55 miles an hour.
You know, it takes six members of my family to fill out a glove.
Can I get some more ice, please? - What's that? - Ice.
[CLATTERING.]
Miguel, what is your problem? I'm sorry.
It's just "ice" is kind of a trigger word for me.
Okay.
Um, everyone, listen up.
Miguel here is DACA, and he has a thing about the word I-C-E, so from now on, we are gonna call these "frozen cubes of water," or "FCWs.
" Well, that was a total waste of time.
I mean, it could have all been boiled down in one little sentence "Don't be a creep.
" - End of seminar.
- [SIGHS.]
And there are so many creeps out there.
Once when I was out shopping, a man came up and asked if he could make a music video starring my toes.
Weirdest thing I've ever heard! Another time, a man came up and asked for my autograph.
Then he opened his coat.
That's disgusting.
I mean, what kind of a guy would Are we talking about men? I have only one thing to say four husbands, and not one of them could find the spot.
Look, I don't know any woman who hasn't had an "experience.
" - Right, Murphy? - Hmm? Murph? Well, I mean, yeah.
What guy would be stupid enough to try anything with me? [BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, look, Miles.
Your girlfriend's walking in.
I told you it's hypothetical.
Hi, everybody.
I-I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
But, Miles, I just wanted to let you know I'm almost finished researching the side effects of so-called miracle drugs.
I've gotten through antidepressants and beta-blockers, and all I have left is erectile dysfunction.
Well, keep it up.
I mean, keep me abreast.
Mayday! [CHUCKLES.]
You're so funny.
Anyway, everybody, enjoy your lunch.
Hey.
I see why you're so tongue-tied around her.
She's smart and very attractive.
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
- Ow! Geez.
That one had a real kick to it.
The app hears all.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hey! Guess who's back from America's heartland.
Hey, honey.
I got a ton of great interviews tailgating at Notre Dame.
By noon, I was high on Kingsford charcoal fumes.
[CHUCKLES.]
The, uh, flight back was interesting.
Mm.
A woman brought a, uh, python on board as an emotional-support animal.
It ate a small child.
Is that so? Trump shot Bob Mueller on Fifth Avenue.
Huh.
Okay.
What's going on? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm I'm just sorting my Bed Bath & Beyond coupons by expiration date, not that they ever really expire.
Most people don't know that, and they throw them away.
And it's like throwing away a brand-new toaster.
Mom, something's up.
- What is it? - Nothing.
[SCOFFS.]
Wasted half a day at some stupid sexual-harassment seminar.
Yeah, we had ours last week.
Except, at the Wolf Network, it's not "Me Too," it's "How To.
" Okay, you never miss an opportunity to trash-talk Wolf.
Spill it.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
It's just that it brought up a few memories.
- That's all.
- Such as? Oh, this is not a conversation I'm going to have with my son.
Come on, Mom.
We can talk about anything.
At least that's what you've always told me.
Well, this might shock you, but at 19, I was not the Murphy Brown I am today.
And I had a professor in college who was I am so hungry, and I've got this Olive Garden coupon.
- Let's go get something - Mom, the professor in college.
Keep going.
[SIGHS.]
Professor Talbot.
He was so smart, so passionate.
When he took notice of you, it meant something, and he took notice of me.
They've got a broccoli cheddar soup Mom.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
He said I was brilliant, that I was destined for great things, and, uh, by the end of the year, I won a national award.
It was the Collegiate Reporter of the Year.
It was my first award ever.
There was a ceremony.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
He invited me to his house afterward, and I assumed there would be other people.
There weren't.
And something happened.
That's it.
- Did you tell anybody? - [CHUCKLING.]
No.
I put it in a drawer in the back of my brain and moved on.
I mean, that's what we did in those days.
It was a different time.
Mom, he was your teacher.
You were a teenager.
Whatever he did to you, you didn't want it.
Well, I-I keep going over it in my mind.
When he would ask me for coffee, I would say yes.
When he gave me small gifts a-a book, a special pen I would accept them.
Maybe in some way, I was sending a signal that I was interested.
You know what you're doing? - You're victim-blaming.
- [LAUGHS.]
I am not a victim, okay? Oh, God, this is so complicated.
What about with you, Avery? When you're on the road, you must find yourself in so many situations.
Yeah.
I mean, I-I do, but I was raised right.
I wouldn't pursue anyone who works for me, and I ask before I initiate any physical contact.
So, I guess Bogart should have said to Bergman, "Here's looking at you, kid, unless that makes you uncomfortable, in which case I apologize.
" [CHUCKLES.]
Maybe it's a little awkward, sure, or maybe it's less romantic, but I would never want to make somebody feel the way you do right now.
Mom that guy worked at gaining your trust.
He singled you out.
He made you feel special.
He was grooming you.
MURPHY: You know, Phyllis, I could really use a cup of coffee.
Don't they have coffee for free at your office? Yeah.
But I-I just have a craving - for your special brew.
- Okay.
I know my coffee's not that good not even yesterday when I made it.
You know, I really miss Phil.
He always gave the best advice.
Oh, boy.
Here we go.
You want to talk.
And I thought cleaning the men's room was gonna be the worst part of this job.
Why can't they hit a target that big? So, you and I are about the same age, right? Not talking.
And we're from the same era, so I think you'd understand.
Understand what? Oh, no.
I engaged.
We're talking.
It's about "Me Too.
" You, too? Me, too.
- Me, too.
- You, too? Yeah.
I-I had an experience in college with a mentor.
It was somewhere between Harvey Weinstein and the guy on the subway with the mirrors on his shoes.
We both know what it was like back then.
We flattered egos, laughed at lousy jokes, and if something happened, we didn't talk about it.
In those days, it wasn't sexual harassment.
It was a bad date.
Well, I thought it didn't affect me, but I'm suddenly feeling that it did, and I don't know what to do about it.
Is this mentor still around? - Yeah.
- Then it's not too late.
You go see him.
You take a deep breath.
You have a civilized discussion, and then you clock him in the nuts.
Remind me to never undertip you.
Here's a thought.
I bet you weren't the only one.
So do it for all the others the ones that don't have your voice and the ones he might still do it to.
That's what I would say if I was giving advice which I am not.
You know, I think I have a bit of a drive ahead of me, and I'm gonna need this coffee to go.
And, Phyllis, I know you like to think you're bad at this giving-advice thing, but you're not.
Tell no one.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Oh, my God.
You're Murphy Brown.
Yeah, that's right, and I need to see Professor Talbot.
Yes, certainly.
Come in.
Um, I'm Jessica.
I'm Professor Talbot's assistant.
I used to be in his class.
He talked about Murphy Brown all the time.
Did he, now? He'll be so thrilled you're here.
Uh, follow me.
MURPHY: "Collegiate Reporter of the Year - Murphy Brown.
" - Yes.
- He shows it off to every visitor.
- Hm.
It was so wonderful of you to give it to him.
Give it to him? Yeah, right.
I'll take you to his study.
Oh, boy.
- Lot of memories, huh? - Oh, yeah.
Seriously? I don't have that much Murphy Brown stuff hanging in my house, and I have a lot! JESSICA: [CHUCKLES.]
I'll send him in.
Uh, Jessica, wait.
How long have you been in this job? This is my third week.
How old are you? That's the same age I was.
Um if, for any reason, you ever want to leave this job, call me.
My network's always looking for young smart people.
Murphy Brown! Is it really you? God, you're old! Yeah.
Time has a way of doing that to you.
I always held this image of you.
Wonderful to see you, Murphy.
You know, I tried reaching out to you several times over the years to speak at one of my classes, but [CHUCKLES.]
I could never get through your secretaries.
Then, uh, I guess you're wondering why I'm here.
I wanted to talk about the night I won that award.
Do Do you remember that night? I do.
Good.
Do you remember inviting me here for a celebration party after, except there was no party? You kept filling my glass with champagne.
Your hand kept finding its way to my thigh.
You kissed me.
I tried to pull away.
You pinned me down right there on that couch.
I pushed you off, and I got the hell out of here.
Ah.
You were always a great storyteller, Murphy.
But this one tops them all.
What? Is this about the "Me Too" movement? Women dredging up the past pointing fingers, ruining reputations? You made me doubt myself.
I always wondered if I deserved that praise or if you had singled me out for your own reasons.
You know what really happened? You'd been flirting with me, shamelessly, for months.
And I tried to stay professional, but that night, you were sending out such strong signals.
I was sending out nothing! I ran out of this house shaking.
I was so upset, I forgot my award, and I love awards.
What do you want from me, Murphy? The truth and an apology.
Apology? Well, I would have thought you came here to thank me for opening up your world.
Everything you've accomplished, Murphy, was because of me.
I accomplished everything in spite of you, you weak, miserable excuse for a man.
I'm leaving now.
Only this time, I'm not running.
I came here to get closure, and I just figured out how I'm going to get it.
What are you doing? [GLASS SHATTERS.]
[DOOR OPENS, SLAMS.]
FRANK: [GRUNTING.]
I can't be your guinea pig anymore, Pat! You've got to take this app off my phone.
Every zap gets stronger.
I smell flesh.
Okay, so, maybe it has a few bugs.
[SIGHS HEAVILY.]
Hi, Frank.
Oh, no.
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
- Owwww! Dah! - I didn't even say anything! - That's amazing! It's learning your blood pressure and pulse patterns! - I'm rich! - Get it off! Phyllis, I need ice.
- PHYLLIS: What? - Ice! And then there was the time I was at Gumboland, and the mascot, Jambalaya Jimmy, pulled down his shorts and showed me his little shrimp.
Oh, God, Corky! Stop! I can't take it anymore! I'm not even through my 20s yet.
Hey, Miles, can I talk to you for a sec? Uh, sure.
Well, I just want to say that I've had such a great experience working on "Murphy in the Morning," but I got an offer from another network to actually run their whole research department.
I hope you understand.
Wait, you don't work for me anymore? Great! Congratulations on the new job! I'm so happy for me! I mean "you.
" I mean I mean, can I take you out to dinner to celebrate the good news? I'd love that.
Call me.
I have a confession to make.
It wasn't hypothetical.
[GASPS.]
AVERY: I am so proud of you, Mom.
No police investigation, no severed head in your tote bag.
- You are showing real growth.
- Yeah.
But am I losing my edge? PHYLLIS: So, how was your trip? I'm just asking casually on behalf of women everywhere.
Well, it didn't go exactly as planned, but it's done.
And here's a little piece of myself I finally took back.
"Collegiate Reporter of the Year Murphy Brown.
" You know, you might want to clear some room soon for all the awards that I'm gonna win.
Avery, I've had space cleared since you were 10.
But for now, this baby gets front and center.
And, Phyllis, this is for you.
It makes an excellent nutcracker, if you get my drift.
And we're clear.
And guess what, people? It's Sexual Harassment Seminar Day.
- [GROANS.]
- Everybody clear your browser histories.
Don't act surprised.
You all got the memo.
We're a new show, and the seminar is mandatory.
And as you all know, you can't spell "mandatory" without "man," so hope you guys learn a lot.
Bye.
FRANK: Murphy's right.
Some of us don't need to be here.
Let's head over to Phil's.
I could eat a whole chicken.
Julius, block the elevator.
- Hey, hey, hey! - Ohh! - Miles! - Are you kidding? This is my first sexual-harassment seminar.
Today, I am a man.
A fully employed man! Can't we at least do it fast? We already know everything they're gonna tell us.
Good morning, Miles.
Monica.
Hi.
Your research on the ramifications of the tax cuts was really spectacular.
Thank you so much.
I really love working in the research department here, and I love the show.
You run it so well.
Well, I have a great team with great people on it, like you.
Miles! Murphy, can't you see I'm having a conversation with a co-worker? Oh, it's okay.
I'll just take my seat.
What do you want, Murphy? I just wanted to say that I love working on this network with you, too.
All right! Settle down, people.
I need you It was Dennis.
There's no one here named Dennis.
Anyway, please welcome Brandon Jensen, who will be leading us in the seminar.
Brandon? BRANDON: Morning, everyone.
I'm here today to talk to you about sexual harassment.
Yes! Whoo! Preach! Yes.
You think you know it all.
But certain high-profile harassment cases have started important conversations about gender and power dynamics - in the workplace.
- Topple the patriarchy! Yes, I get it.
You're woke.
For those who aren't, even a seemingly innocent comment about a co-worker's attire can constitute harassment.
Well, I'm sorry, but if Frank wears another deep V-neck again, - I'm commenting.
- FRANK: Hey.
Hey.
There's always somebody like you in the crowd.
Thank you, Murphy, for providing an example of the kind of comment that could get you fired.
Hello.
The show's called "Murphy in the Morning.
" They're not firing me.
Do the names Matt Lauer, Charlie Rose, and Bill O'Reilly ring any bells? [ALL MURMURING.]
And that's why, even if you think you're just complimenting a co-worker on her lovely, figure-hugging dress that showcases her ample bosom, you have to shut it down in your mind 'cause it's wrong and could result in your demotion at work and a painful separation from your wife of 17 years.
So, I think that just about wraps it up.
MILES: I have a question.
[ALL GROAN.]
I-If a hypothetical executive on a program like this but not this was interested in an employee and if said executive might be getting signals from that aforementioned person, would he be allowed to invite that person to a hypothetical dinner? Asking for a friend.
Is it the woman in the second row? No! I'll repeat myself.
Any sexual advances, welcome or unwelcome, toward any subordinates are unacceptable.
And with that, I'd like to thank you all for your [APPLAUSE.]
CORKY: Oh, thank God! I've had to pee for over an hour! FRANK: When I was growing up, it was so easy to know what was right and wrong.
If you did something bad, your father slapped you.
If you did something really bad, the priest slapped you.
Sometimes he tried to kiss you, but the slap really drove that point home.
PAT: I-I think I can help you, Frank.
I have been developing an app to help old to help men of a certain age navigate the ever-changing landscape of gender politics.
If it's successful, I could sell it and retire at 24.
I call it App-ropriate Behavior.
[LAUGHS.]
That's clever! So, the way it works is it monitors your speech for certain word combinations, and if you cross a line, it sends a warning in the form of a small vibration to your phone.
And you designed this yourself? - Do you ever sleep? - I function on very little, like dolphins, bullfrogs, and bees.
Now, the app is still in its beta stage, but are you down to test it for me? If it'll help me keep all these rules straight, why not? Cool! I'll send the app to your phone.
In the meantime, put my phone in your pocket and say something inappropriate to me.
Uh Uh, all right.
Just a se Um Okay.
Uh I could get lost in your deep brown eyes.
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
- Oh, wow! I felt that! - Yes! And thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Miguel, you chopped up all the limes? That was fast.
Are you kidding? This is easy.
I worked on my parents' food truck.
Try handling a knife at 55 miles an hour.
You know, it takes six members of my family to fill out a glove.
Can I get some more ice, please? - What's that? - Ice.
[CLATTERING.]
Miguel, what is your problem? I'm sorry.
It's just "ice" is kind of a trigger word for me.
Okay.
Um, everyone, listen up.
Miguel here is DACA, and he has a thing about the word I-C-E, so from now on, we are gonna call these "frozen cubes of water," or "FCWs.
" Well, that was a total waste of time.
I mean, it could have all been boiled down in one little sentence "Don't be a creep.
" - End of seminar.
- [SIGHS.]
And there are so many creeps out there.
Once when I was out shopping, a man came up and asked if he could make a music video starring my toes.
Weirdest thing I've ever heard! Another time, a man came up and asked for my autograph.
Then he opened his coat.
That's disgusting.
I mean, what kind of a guy would Are we talking about men? I have only one thing to say four husbands, and not one of them could find the spot.
Look, I don't know any woman who hasn't had an "experience.
" - Right, Murphy? - Hmm? Murph? Well, I mean, yeah.
What guy would be stupid enough to try anything with me? [BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, look, Miles.
Your girlfriend's walking in.
I told you it's hypothetical.
Hi, everybody.
I-I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
But, Miles, I just wanted to let you know I'm almost finished researching the side effects of so-called miracle drugs.
I've gotten through antidepressants and beta-blockers, and all I have left is erectile dysfunction.
Well, keep it up.
I mean, keep me abreast.
Mayday! [CHUCKLES.]
You're so funny.
Anyway, everybody, enjoy your lunch.
Hey.
I see why you're so tongue-tied around her.
She's smart and very attractive.
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
- Ow! Geez.
That one had a real kick to it.
The app hears all.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hey! Guess who's back from America's heartland.
Hey, honey.
I got a ton of great interviews tailgating at Notre Dame.
By noon, I was high on Kingsford charcoal fumes.
[CHUCKLES.]
The, uh, flight back was interesting.
Mm.
A woman brought a, uh, python on board as an emotional-support animal.
It ate a small child.
Is that so? Trump shot Bob Mueller on Fifth Avenue.
Huh.
Okay.
What's going on? Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm I'm just sorting my Bed Bath & Beyond coupons by expiration date, not that they ever really expire.
Most people don't know that, and they throw them away.
And it's like throwing away a brand-new toaster.
Mom, something's up.
- What is it? - Nothing.
[SCOFFS.]
Wasted half a day at some stupid sexual-harassment seminar.
Yeah, we had ours last week.
Except, at the Wolf Network, it's not "Me Too," it's "How To.
" Okay, you never miss an opportunity to trash-talk Wolf.
Spill it.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
It's just that it brought up a few memories.
- That's all.
- Such as? Oh, this is not a conversation I'm going to have with my son.
Come on, Mom.
We can talk about anything.
At least that's what you've always told me.
Well, this might shock you, but at 19, I was not the Murphy Brown I am today.
And I had a professor in college who was I am so hungry, and I've got this Olive Garden coupon.
- Let's go get something - Mom, the professor in college.
Keep going.
[SIGHS.]
Professor Talbot.
He was so smart, so passionate.
When he took notice of you, it meant something, and he took notice of me.
They've got a broccoli cheddar soup Mom.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
He said I was brilliant, that I was destined for great things, and, uh, by the end of the year, I won a national award.
It was the Collegiate Reporter of the Year.
It was my first award ever.
There was a ceremony.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
He invited me to his house afterward, and I assumed there would be other people.
There weren't.
And something happened.
That's it.
- Did you tell anybody? - [CHUCKLING.]
No.
I put it in a drawer in the back of my brain and moved on.
I mean, that's what we did in those days.
It was a different time.
Mom, he was your teacher.
You were a teenager.
Whatever he did to you, you didn't want it.
Well, I-I keep going over it in my mind.
When he would ask me for coffee, I would say yes.
When he gave me small gifts a-a book, a special pen I would accept them.
Maybe in some way, I was sending a signal that I was interested.
You know what you're doing? - You're victim-blaming.
- [LAUGHS.]
I am not a victim, okay? Oh, God, this is so complicated.
What about with you, Avery? When you're on the road, you must find yourself in so many situations.
Yeah.
I mean, I-I do, but I was raised right.
I wouldn't pursue anyone who works for me, and I ask before I initiate any physical contact.
So, I guess Bogart should have said to Bergman, "Here's looking at you, kid, unless that makes you uncomfortable, in which case I apologize.
" [CHUCKLES.]
Maybe it's a little awkward, sure, or maybe it's less romantic, but I would never want to make somebody feel the way you do right now.
Mom that guy worked at gaining your trust.
He singled you out.
He made you feel special.
He was grooming you.
MURPHY: You know, Phyllis, I could really use a cup of coffee.
Don't they have coffee for free at your office? Yeah.
But I-I just have a craving - for your special brew.
- Okay.
I know my coffee's not that good not even yesterday when I made it.
You know, I really miss Phil.
He always gave the best advice.
Oh, boy.
Here we go.
You want to talk.
And I thought cleaning the men's room was gonna be the worst part of this job.
Why can't they hit a target that big? So, you and I are about the same age, right? Not talking.
And we're from the same era, so I think you'd understand.
Understand what? Oh, no.
I engaged.
We're talking.
It's about "Me Too.
" You, too? Me, too.
- Me, too.
- You, too? Yeah.
I-I had an experience in college with a mentor.
It was somewhere between Harvey Weinstein and the guy on the subway with the mirrors on his shoes.
We both know what it was like back then.
We flattered egos, laughed at lousy jokes, and if something happened, we didn't talk about it.
In those days, it wasn't sexual harassment.
It was a bad date.
Well, I thought it didn't affect me, but I'm suddenly feeling that it did, and I don't know what to do about it.
Is this mentor still around? - Yeah.
- Then it's not too late.
You go see him.
You take a deep breath.
You have a civilized discussion, and then you clock him in the nuts.
Remind me to never undertip you.
Here's a thought.
I bet you weren't the only one.
So do it for all the others the ones that don't have your voice and the ones he might still do it to.
That's what I would say if I was giving advice which I am not.
You know, I think I have a bit of a drive ahead of me, and I'm gonna need this coffee to go.
And, Phyllis, I know you like to think you're bad at this giving-advice thing, but you're not.
Tell no one.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Oh, my God.
You're Murphy Brown.
Yeah, that's right, and I need to see Professor Talbot.
Yes, certainly.
Come in.
Um, I'm Jessica.
I'm Professor Talbot's assistant.
I used to be in his class.
He talked about Murphy Brown all the time.
Did he, now? He'll be so thrilled you're here.
Uh, follow me.
MURPHY: "Collegiate Reporter of the Year - Murphy Brown.
" - Yes.
- He shows it off to every visitor.
- Hm.
It was so wonderful of you to give it to him.
Give it to him? Yeah, right.
I'll take you to his study.
Oh, boy.
- Lot of memories, huh? - Oh, yeah.
Seriously? I don't have that much Murphy Brown stuff hanging in my house, and I have a lot! JESSICA: [CHUCKLES.]
I'll send him in.
Uh, Jessica, wait.
How long have you been in this job? This is my third week.
How old are you? That's the same age I was.
Um if, for any reason, you ever want to leave this job, call me.
My network's always looking for young smart people.
Murphy Brown! Is it really you? God, you're old! Yeah.
Time has a way of doing that to you.
I always held this image of you.
Wonderful to see you, Murphy.
You know, I tried reaching out to you several times over the years to speak at one of my classes, but [CHUCKLES.]
I could never get through your secretaries.
Then, uh, I guess you're wondering why I'm here.
I wanted to talk about the night I won that award.
Do Do you remember that night? I do.
Good.
Do you remember inviting me here for a celebration party after, except there was no party? You kept filling my glass with champagne.
Your hand kept finding its way to my thigh.
You kissed me.
I tried to pull away.
You pinned me down right there on that couch.
I pushed you off, and I got the hell out of here.
Ah.
You were always a great storyteller, Murphy.
But this one tops them all.
What? Is this about the "Me Too" movement? Women dredging up the past pointing fingers, ruining reputations? You made me doubt myself.
I always wondered if I deserved that praise or if you had singled me out for your own reasons.
You know what really happened? You'd been flirting with me, shamelessly, for months.
And I tried to stay professional, but that night, you were sending out such strong signals.
I was sending out nothing! I ran out of this house shaking.
I was so upset, I forgot my award, and I love awards.
What do you want from me, Murphy? The truth and an apology.
Apology? Well, I would have thought you came here to thank me for opening up your world.
Everything you've accomplished, Murphy, was because of me.
I accomplished everything in spite of you, you weak, miserable excuse for a man.
I'm leaving now.
Only this time, I'm not running.
I came here to get closure, and I just figured out how I'm going to get it.
What are you doing? [GLASS SHATTERS.]
[DOOR OPENS, SLAMS.]
FRANK: [GRUNTING.]
I can't be your guinea pig anymore, Pat! You've got to take this app off my phone.
Every zap gets stronger.
I smell flesh.
Okay, so, maybe it has a few bugs.
[SIGHS HEAVILY.]
Hi, Frank.
Oh, no.
- [CELLPHONE VIBRATES.]
- Owwww! Dah! - I didn't even say anything! - That's amazing! It's learning your blood pressure and pulse patterns! - I'm rich! - Get it off! Phyllis, I need ice.
- PHYLLIS: What? - Ice! And then there was the time I was at Gumboland, and the mascot, Jambalaya Jimmy, pulled down his shorts and showed me his little shrimp.
Oh, God, Corky! Stop! I can't take it anymore! I'm not even through my 20s yet.
Hey, Miles, can I talk to you for a sec? Uh, sure.
Well, I just want to say that I've had such a great experience working on "Murphy in the Morning," but I got an offer from another network to actually run their whole research department.
I hope you understand.
Wait, you don't work for me anymore? Great! Congratulations on the new job! I'm so happy for me! I mean "you.
" I mean I mean, can I take you out to dinner to celebrate the good news? I'd love that.
Call me.
I have a confession to make.
It wasn't hypothetical.
[GASPS.]
AVERY: I am so proud of you, Mom.
No police investigation, no severed head in your tote bag.
- You are showing real growth.
- Yeah.
But am I losing my edge? PHYLLIS: So, how was your trip? I'm just asking casually on behalf of women everywhere.
Well, it didn't go exactly as planned, but it's done.
And here's a little piece of myself I finally took back.
"Collegiate Reporter of the Year Murphy Brown.
" You know, you might want to clear some room soon for all the awards that I'm gonna win.
Avery, I've had space cleared since you were 10.
But for now, this baby gets front and center.
And, Phyllis, this is for you.
It makes an excellent nutcracker, if you get my drift.