Will and Grace s11e05 Episode Script

1 Will and Grace is shot before a live studio audience.
Grace, I need breakfast.
I'm only eating fruits, vegetables, and unleavened bread for 21 days.
Is that the Bible diet? Yes, it's what God and Chris Pratt eat.
Jack, I'm worried about Will.
He still has the TV room set up as McCoy's office and they broke up like three weeks ago.
It's so sad.
Will he ever find love again? I mean, I don't think so, but it's not up to me.
Hey, guys.
You know the best thing about quitting Equinox? I found an even gayer gym.
Yeah, every shower stall has its own selfie station.
Look at you, soldiering on.
Sweetie, isn't it time for you to get rid of some of McCoy's things? Like, maybe, this picture of you guys? What? No, I love that one.
McCoy had a really bad cold, so I'm almost as cute as him.
Every other picture we're Kevin James and any woman that ever played his wife.
We're worried that you're not dealing with the breakup.
Guys, I appreciate your concern, but I'm in a good place.
I'm gonna be a father.
How cool is that? It's amazing and we're so happy for you, but What's up, lady? You're eating better, you're going to the gym I mean, it's not working, but the effort is concerning.
I'm taking care of myself.
Just 'cause I'm gonna be a dad doesn't mean I wanna have a dad bod.
He thought that was funny.
It's tragic.
He was laughing on the inside, but all I heard was, "Help.
" But I may have an idea how to help Will.
Ryan Gosling is not gonna send you his gym shorts, no matter how many letters you write him.
Will needs the Grief Panda.
- What? - He's amazing, Grace.
"Amazing Grace.
" Biblical pun! Shablam-aleujah.
The Grief Panda is a healer who comes to your house dressed as a panda, and without using any words, makes all your sad go away.
Oh, yeah, I read about the Grief Panda in "The New Yorker.
" Grace.
Okay, a girlfriend of mine read about it in "The New Yorker.
" This story's falling apart.
Girlfriend? Okay, I sat next to a woman at the nail salon who was reading about the Grief Panda in "The New Yorker.
" And by nail salon, you mean A Krispy Kreme.
As the owner of The Blattsville Millstones, the third-best minor league baseball team in the entire Finger Lakes region, I feel I need more visibility, so I'd like to introduce the Karen Walker bobblehead.
But instead of the head bobbling, the boobs will bobble.
A booble-head, if you will.
Honey, what the hell is that? I laughed, I'm sorry.
It's one of the few things my body does that I don't feel shame about.
Maybe you should.
- Hi, Amy.
- Oh, I'm called Friday now.
My name and my laughter have been taken away from me.
Wow Karen, I can't wait to show you this what Will and I just bought.
I know it's a little early, but, look what we got.
Honey, props for optimism, but that is never going to fit you.
It's not for me.
Will and I bought it for the Oh, that reminds me.
Would you tell the shortstop that I'm tired of looking at his butt crack? Got it.
Yeah.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Where were we, honey? I was just showing you the jacket that Will and I bought for the b Oh, that reminds me.
There is a nest full of yellow jackets in the home dugout.
I need it moved to the visitor dugout.
Karen, will you stop cutting me off? Was I doing that? Oh, that's so rude of me.
Honey, please continue.
- Will and I - Yeah? - Bought this jacket - Okay.
- For my ba - Oh, that reminds me.
Huh oh, false alarm.
I got nothing.
Oh, there's our boy.
Grace, he hasn't been a boy since he was a little girl.
Sweetie, we have something to tell you.
What is it, Mom? Are you guys getting a divorce 'cause Dad's a massive queen? Why's my stuff out here? Um, it's McCoy's stuff.
We're getting rid of it.
- No, you're not.
- We have to.
I can't bear to see you falling asleep in your wedding dress with the tag still on it.
We've invited someone over to help you get in touch with your pain and move through it.
What, like a therapist? Seriously? We promise it will all become clear.
Still got a couple questions.
Will, this is the Grief Panda.
He's gonna help you let go.
The Grief Panda, huh? Do you wear a small Japanese girl as a backpack? Forgive him, Grief Panda.
He's hurting.
Just keep an open mind.
You need this.
You are holding on to all of McCoy's things.
It's not healthy.
The Grief Panda takes all the things that remind you of McCoy and he buries them and your pain in a community garden on Second Street.
Right by the Forever 21.
Very spiritual.
Look, I appreciate alternative costume-based healing as much as the next guy, but this is just not my kind of thing.
"That's exactly why you need me.
" Cute card.
Could apply to anybody.
"Is it healthy to wear his old T-shirts and cry yourself to sleep?" Again, could apply to anybody.
Just try it.
He's helped so many people.
They did a whole thing on him in "The New Yorker.
" Yeah? Where'd you hear about him? I read.
What does it say? It's a picture of a Krispy Kreme doughnut.
Even if I did need help letting go of McCoy, which I don't, I'm not gonna get it from Ling-Ling here.
The Grief Panda thinks that's racist.
How is it racist? There was a famous panda named Ling-Ling.
So all pandas are Ling-Lings to you? I suppose I suppose you think they're all bad drivers, too.
This is ridiculous.
So I'm just supposed to hand you stuff? All right, all right.
Here, McCoy used this once.
Please take it away, so I can feel free.
I guess I don't need this.
I gave it to McCoy.
"Coffee is my spirit animal.
" It's true.
He loved coffee.
Look, there's a line that says, "Don't talk to me until here.
" It's funny, right? - He doesn't think that's funny.
- I got that.
Hmm sea glass.
We got it on the beach at Coney Island.
Were you guys collecting? No, we were making out and an old lady threw it at us.
Made us laugh, you know, if you don't think too hard about it.
- I can't - I know, sweetie, I know.
You think you look almost as good as McCoy in that.
But you don't.
You really don't.
It's still Hugh Jackman and his Uber driver.
It's not that.
It's just you know, when we took this, he was feeling so lousy and when he had a cold or something, he'd get so helpless, and I remember looking at him thinking, "I just wanna take care of you forever.
" Oh, Will.
So that's it.
What, I'm just supposed to let it go, the whole future I was gonna have with him? - I know it's not fair.
- It's not.
What if that was it? What if I never meet anyone again? People are saying you won't.
But what do they know, huh? Here.
I guess I have been holding onto stuff.
Maybe this was exactly what you needed.
It's funny, you know, I'm so not the guy that that buys into this kind of thing and when you think about it, it really makes a lot of sense.
What the hell? Oh, now you have to fight him.
What?! Why? "To complete the ritual, you must wrestle the Grief Panda to vanquish your pain.
" Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
I'm not gonna Please don't.
I I said don't! That's it! Thank you for helping my friend.
Hey, um, since we paid for the whole hour and there's still a few minutes left I, too, have had a devastating loss.
The premature closing of my one-man show, "Gaybraham Twinkin'.
" Which "The Village Voice" said was, "The second time Lincoln died in a theater.
" I I wouldn't mind finding a little closure.
"I saw it.
" You did? What did you think? "I couldn't believe someone actually wrote that.
" But I did.
Ugh, I'm covered in panda hair.
Fun night, huh? But good luck getting a second date with a panda.
Eats, shoots, and leaves, am I right? Oh, Kar, uh, will you remind me at some point this week to talk to Will about shopping for a crib? Well, good for you, honey.
You've been living with that gay guy forever, and he's never even given you a makeover.
I meant buying cribs for our babies.
Will you just remind me? Oh, I'm sorry, honey, I can't.
Too busy.
You're too busy to briefly remind me to get a crib for my baby at some unspecified day in the future? Well, I have a baby, too, Grace and his name is baseball.
We call him "B-ball" for short.
"B-ball" is usually short for "basketball.
" Until today.
She's amazing.
What the hell is going on with her? Don't take that one personally.
She's hard on the outside, but inside Ms.
Walker is filled with candy and glitter, like a unicorn's colon.
No, inside she's just booze and loose pills.
This happens to everyone in Blattsville.
You lose someone to their love of the Millstones.
That or the wicked turn on Route 81 or Oxy, or all three in the case of my sister, or should I say "mother," now that the truth is out? Okay, look, I know she's excited about her team, but why does it seem like she's mad at me about it? I mean, it's like she doesn't even wanna be here anymore.
Oh, my God.
I know what this is.
You're in love with her.
I get it, we're all a little in love with her.
Karen is finally passionate about something and she's too afraid to tell me because she doesn't wanna hurt me.
I can't believe this.
Karen wants to leave.
- That is so - Hard? Insightful of me.
I have to let her go.
After 20 years, it's time for me to say good-bye so that she can move on.
- That is so - Hard? Selfless of me.
I'm gonna be such a good mom.
What? Jack, what do you want to show me and why do you have binoculars? Please tell me you're not gonna help me spot the Rebound Raccoon.
No, silly.
Don't you remember we used to use these to check out hot guys sunning themselves on their roof decks? Wanna go first? Go ahead.
Yeah.
Over there you'll see the rare and beautiful red-bottomed nut-pecker.
Oh, sure.
Thanks, Jack.
I mean, the Grief Panda was was weird and I didn't love that he marked my couch, but I get why people like him.
- He was cute, too, right? - Mm-hmm.
If I weren't married, I could've had myself a little Panda Express.
Just as well you didn't hook up with the panda.
Imagine your kids? They'd have big heads and round tummies and whatever they'd get from him.
See, this is good.
Scoping out guys again, commenting on their behinds.
It's like McCoy never happened.
Yeah But he did happen.
Yeah, but then we put it in a bag and made it go away, like one of Bryan Singer's assistants.
But why? I mean, last year was one of the happiest years of my life.
I loved McCoy.
Why would I wanna forget about that? I mean, there's a difference between moving on and then rewriting history.
Where are you going? The community garden on Second Street.
Buy me some pinot and crack and Jack I don't care if it's laced with bad smack Gosh, baseball really glorifies substance abuse.
I guess that's why I like it.
Les fleurs.
- Where'd these come from? - I got them for you.
Am I dead? Can we talk? I feel like there's something that you've been afraid to tell me.
There is.
Hillary won Pennsylvania.
There are 50,000 votes at the bottom of the Allegheny River.
That's that's gonna need its own lunch.
Listen, Kar, will you sit down? I love how passionate you are about your team.
I haven't seen you this excited since the Grey Goose truck crashed into that olive cart.
If it had been raining vermouth, I would've believed in God.
I want you to follow your dream, which is why I've decided I'm letting you go.
You're letting me go? I don't wanna get in your way, little bird.
It's your time to fly and I wanna be the wind beneath your wings.
I promised myself I wouldn't make myself cry again.
Look, you don't have to thank me or give me a gift, although that's always nice.
My satisfaction is knowing that you're happy and that you're happy because of me.
Hmm.
Sure, we're both feeling a lot of emotions right now.
If you wanna talk? Nope, I'm good.
See you, Grace.
Well, goodbyes are hard.
How dare you fire me.
What do you mean? I freed you.
No, you have pushed me away.
Ever since you got knocked up it's been, "Will and I are going baby shopping.
"Will and I are getting an ultrasound.
Will and I are trying for a second.
" Wait, wait.
Is that why you've been acting so weird? Yes, because you have done everything you possibly could to keep me out of this baby's life.
I thought you were too busy because of your team.
Oh, like I can't handle two things at once.
Well usually you can't handle one thing at once.
And you don't like kids.
You call them Pez dispensers for stem cells.
Did you ever think that maybe, oh, I don't know I would like your kid? Why? Because then you'd be able to make fun of its hair and its clothes? Yes.
Because I would love it, just like I love its ridiculously dressed, frizzy-haired mother, who clearly doesn't love me nearly as much as I love her.
Are you high? Er? I was willing to sacrifice my needs for your happiness.
Obviously I love you more.
Oh, save it.
You saw a chance to wash your hands of me and you took it.
Even though you hate washing your hands.
Okay.
Okay, you wanna know how much I love you? What if I asked you to be my baby's godmother? You wouldn't dare.
Oh, daren't I? Okay, Grace Adler, if you've got the balls to ask me to be your child's godmother, after all of this Then that would mean the world to me.
Really? Really.
Honey, our baby's gonna want for noting.
- I love you, Kar.
- I love you, too.
And I'm sorry I made you feel left out.
And I'm sorry that I've been taking all of the baby's stuff that's been delivered here and throwing it in the trash.
What? Yeah, I threw it all in the trash.
Wow, you're really here.
Way to commit to a bit.
Could you take off your head so we can talk? Of course, you're a real panda.
Um I'd like the picture of me and my ex back.
Look, I I just need this one thing to remind me of him.
Yes, it's painful and God, I hope that one day I can look at that picture without it killing me a little bit, but, um I'm gonna be a dad and, uh maybe that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't met him, you know? Maybe he's what got me here.
Yep, still does it.
Thank you.
Oh, that's not my boyfriend.
He's very cute, but "He's single.
Number's on the back.
" Who is this? "Client in Brooklyn Heights.
Husband left him for a figurative bear.
" I don't know, I don't think I'm ready.
"You sure? They call him Beer Can Randy.
" How do you print such specific cards?!