Shameless s11e08 Episode Script

Look at me, right? And look at the Queen.
I was never a fan until it occurred to me how much me and Ma'am have in common - bringing up kiddies you can't remember the names of.
I know she's not a single parent, but she might as well be.
Plus, the pair of us, we've stuck to our guns, her literally sometimes, and flagshipped a dying breed.
Admired and despised equally.
Not for never lifting a finger, no, for setting examples through extremity.
And whether you're a bigwig on her end or a bigwig on mine, you've still got all your dickheads in the middle to deal with, snip, snip, snipping at your benefits.
I mean, she can't not be looking at me and thinking, "What's your secret, Frank?" I got shot of my kids yonks back, whereas she's yet to see the back of a single one.
Fine! I've had to get out of bed on occasion to make ends meet, whereas she she's done the whole thing from a chair.
Oh, and a drink for the lady.
Oh, sure, there's perks.
But, look at her lot.
Brian May prancing about on her roof.
Now, look at my lot we know how to throw a proper fucking paaaarty! It's not that hard being a parent in the modern world.
It's not like the caveman times.
Back then you'd be protecting your kids from rampaging tribesmen and sabre-toothed tigers.
Or the medieval ages, where if infant mortality didn't snatch the little buggers off, then the black death were hammering on the door.
Nah, now it's easier.
Sure you have to make a few sacrifices, but it's nothing like the past.
As long as you have a bit of spare cash to buy them clothes and shit, make sure there's food on the table .
.
and be there for them when they need it, you're sorted.
Basically, don't be a knobhead and yer'll be fine.
It's not some big mystery, is it? So how come so many of the twats fuck it up, eh? Oi! Hands off.
Just looking.
Just touching! You running away from home? Overnight excursions with the Scouts.
Pitch a tent, build a fire, underneath that old wandering star.
Can I come? You're not a Scout.
I could be one.
Never been in a tent.
Or built a fire.
Or seen a wandering star.
I've got Billy doing the school pics for me.
There's a class set, individual pics and a family group.
Doesn't matter how bleeding ugly the kids are, the parents'll buy the lot.
Pint, please, Karen.
Eh, Gallagher, you'll need a sick note for skipping work today.
I was mugged.
Who'd mug you? They took the lot.
I didn't even have the bus fare to get back home.
Don't care.
£2.
50.
Muggers took you for a trip out, did they? From the hospital.
Hang on.
You left here last night with fuck all.
You still owe me for six pints and two Es.
So clear your tab or no more.
Fine.
Mimi, payday's not till y'know, any chance? End of the month.
Oh, fine! Abandoned.
An outcast.
Oh, God! Who's going to look after you in your old age? I've still got my dignity.
Whoa, pal, that's mine now.
Get off, you baghead, get off! Get off! Dignity my arse.
Hiya! G'us your bag then.
Good day at the office? Yeah.
Why not? It's just Scouts.
"It's just Scouts!" Shut up! It's sinister! Making you dress all the same, act the same way.
Little robots with woggles.
You'll thank me one day.
I just want you kids to be, y'know Individuals.
To follow your own path.
Dance to the beat of your drum.
OK.
But I'm still right.
But I know the path I want to follow, I want to be a Scout! "I want to be a Scout!" But please, Dad! Lip! Frank.
Not your neck of the woods.
Call it fate.
Kismet.
So you're looking good - suit, tie.
It's called having a job, Frank.
Architect.
For the council.
And we're in a bit of a hurry.
Those buildings won't build themselves.
I've seen you before.
On the bus.
I thought you were a boy.
Thank you.
Eh, what'd we say about talking to strangers? And there's no-one more strange than your old grandad, eh, Katie? No way! It's a miracle?! Well wouldn't go that far.
It is.
We thought the Taliban'd never let you go.
Yes, Grandad.
We didn't know if you was dead or alive.
Grandad, watch! Oh, yeah, brilliant, kid, brilliant! How much? For you to piss off and leave us alone.
That's no way to speak to a war hero.
Go on.
Take it.
Piss off back down the Jockey, go and have yourself some fun.
Don't bother coming back round these ways ever again.
Oh.
You do live round here then? Just visiting.
Work.
I'm not after your money.
What, is it so far-fetched that I might miss my grandson daughter? About as far-fetched as Liverpool or Santa Claus winning the bloody Premier League.
As far-fetched as me being captured by the Taliban then? Course, the SAS are dying to recruit blokes like me, y'know.
Catering staff.
You were Army catering staff.
You got kidnapped by mistake.
The Taliban were so fucking embarrassed they didn't know what to do with you.
You see, Frank? Even in the silliest little lie, I told my daughter you're still a loser.
Fair enough.
Katie! Your dad wants to know if you want to come back to mine, for dinner - fish and chips! Brilliant, kid, brilliant! D'you hear that?! Eh? Out of the mouths of babes.
You might want to stop off at the cash machine, y'know, price of a fish supper nowadays and all that You all right, Frank? Frank? Don't just stand there, place won't clean itself.
God, I've got to do everything myself.
Didn't know the Social were coming.
They're not.
It's Lip.
Lip, like my brother Lip? Yes.
He who never visits.
Him and his kid, Katie.
They'll be here in a minute.
What's up? And if asked, I've been away, locked up by the Taliban.
Frank.
What have you done now? Not me.
It's Lip, it's his story.
He's had me Terry Waite-d up in some far-flung land.
Why would he say that? I dunno.
Takes all sorts, I suppose.
Right, go to mine, get coffee, not a jar, the good Yemeni stuff.
It's the only thing strong enough to cover up this stench! Is he nice? He's got a heart of gold.
I'm sure if you remind him of all the birthdays and Christmases that he's missed, y'know, he might, y'know give us give you a little something for your piggy bank.
Hey, Jamie, I'm in training.
Oh, yeah, what for? Camping.
I got in the Scouts.
I have to carry my own tent.
What's your first mission then? Climbing Everest or surviving the Sahara? Remona's taking us to a field.
Ooh, how exciting! Y'know this bag's dead heavy? I believe you, mate.
Uncle Jamie, were you ever in the Scouts? Me and our Shane chucked fireworks at the Scout hall once.
About as close as I got.
I don't think they could handle your Uncle Jamie.
What do you mean? I'm more of a leader than a follower! What was it like here when you were little? It was nice.
Fucking rats! It's not very nice now.
Places change, sweetheart.
So, why does Grandad stay here? The country doesn't look after war veterans as well as it should do.
It's a shame for Grandad.
Yeah, a real shame.
Dad? Eh, come in! Welcome home.
Hi, I'm Esther.
Oh.
Are you, uh.
.
? God, no Next door, just the neighbour.
And besides, I'm totally out of his league.
This is thingy, a stray we've acquired along the way.
Aiden.
Pleased to meet you, sir.
Allow me.
And Stella.
Your sister.
Hello.
It's really nice to meet you.
Sorry it's taken so long.
Dad said you'll give me a little money.
Where do they get this stuff, eh? Well, it must run in the family.
So, how does it feel to be home? 'I've asked you ten times before, Gallagher' Nana?! Katie.
Wait, please .
.
and none of your half-hearted forgeries! What are you doing here, sweetheart? I'm not due to see you till next week.
What's going on, Lip? Oh, just back for the job, is it? Dad Please.
For Katie.
Happy families.
With her, Granny Shankly? She's better than me? Don't.
You never told me you lived near Grandad! No, I didn't, because The Taliban? Yeah, those fellas.
Well, you know Maybe it's time we told the truth.
Gallaghers' name stands for something, doesn't it? Integrity.
Honesty.
Look, love.
Look.
I was never captured by the Taliban.
But Dad No, no, it's not your dad's fault.
Couldn't tell anyone the story.
I was on a mission.
To find a man, a very bad man.
Do you know who Osama bin Laden is? Grandad! Yeah.
Bin Laden.
Seriously? You started it with your tall tales of the Taliban.
How long do you think she's going to buy into that hero bullshit? Dunno.
You believed in the Tooth Fairy till you were 11.
Fuck off.
And you wet the bed.
Or shall I just tell her the real truth? Her dad's a big fat liar.
One more word One more word from either of you, and I'll be cracking skulls.
You're not ruining this for me.
It's good you're here though- Yeah.
Fantastic.
Cos it's nearly done.
I'll nip next door and get it while she's still playing.
Cilla, come on, babe.
Pop home.
What treat is Super Gran looking to spring? She's altering Mandy's old Communion dress for Katie's confirmation.
It means a lot to her.
How does she get her trotters to hold the little needles? If that's the way she chooses to grieve, who am I to stop her? My invitation must have got lost, so let me RSVP in person.
If you're offering.
But you can't be my auntie.
But I am.
But you're younger than me.
Cilla's your auntie as well you know.
D'you live nearby? Took us four buses to get here.
Hey, I know the transport system's fucked but you're only ten minutes away.
I took her the long way round, so she knows exactly how far away Grandad lives.
So enjoy it while it lasts.
Because we're a long way from home.
I don't know what this whole bad ass routine is about, Blanco.
But it doesn't suit you.
Maybe I don't want to be like everyone else.
Go and get the rest of your uniform! Did they torture you? They did unspeakable things.
Like what? You're a right little tom boy, aren't you? No, she's not.
It's a phase.
Maybe if her gran was allowed to spend more time with her, she wouldn't feel the need to act up so much.
She's not acting up! Really? When did she last wear a dress? Make-up? Not this again For God's sake, she hasn't even got her ears pierced.
- She's nine, y'know.
- I think we best be getting back.
Sit down, there's no rush.
I'll put the kettle on.
Katie.
Tell your dad how you're glad to spend a little more time with gran.
And your granddad.
Please, Dad, can we? Please? Please? Course you can.
You can visit any time you want.
Now that your grandad's home.
Granny Maguire seems pretty determined to keep you here.
She's got an agenda, that one.
And you don't? Eh, I'm on your side.
You have never been on my side.
Oh, y'know what, just go and take a walk, cool down or you'll blow a fucking gasket, and you don't want to do that in front of your kids.
Messes 'em up.
You're giving me parenting advice? Katie, darling, your dad's going to have to stretch his legs, love.
You'll be alright here with Stella.
Pick us up forty fags while you're out.
No broken home to go back to? Fuck off, paedo.
Bad news, my little Bandita.
Permission for take off's been denied.
No, I've got the money, it's my time that's being pillaged.
Me son's coming round, just invited himself without any thought how it might disrupt my day.
You know how selfish kids can be.
Yeah.
I'll call to reschedule.
Will you two stop that? Or I'll kick your fucking heads in.
I mean it, Gallagher.
Don't you mess this up for me.
You're the ones built your little Sylvanian Family on sand.
Whose fault is that? I only get to see her every few weeks because Lip can't stand you.
You have poisoned that boy's mind against me.
We used to be like that.
Really? So you've been sending him cash, have you? To help him take care of his little one, each week, into a special account? Thought not.
He should be taking care of me in my advancing years.
He's got enough problems bringing Katie up, you selfish fuck.
Come on, Slater, we're waiting on that water.
Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop! Put some elbow grease in it! This is no holiday camp, this is the Scouts! Come on, guys, seriously! It'll be cool! Is it ready? We can't eat till the billy cans are ready.
Get them in, get them in! Out the way, out the way! It's all right, don't panic.
You, Blanco! You! Oh, shit.
Fuck me.
Is that still your best chat up line? Fails every time.
What are you doing here? Right now, avoiding my piss-soaked dad.
The rest is a long story.
Coming in? Nah, you're all right.
Where you going then? Generally? Come on.
I'll buy you a pint if you promise not to share and care.
Come on, warm beer, shit company, bad entertainment Don't pretend you haven't missed it, mate.
As long as you're paying.
You seen Coggsy? I know I'm good looking, but you shouldn't be staring at your punters.
Lip Gallagher, all grown up.
Did you start shopping at Next? You know me, always was a bit of class.
And always full of it.
So you're doing OK I can see.
It's the spirit of Chatsworth.
It'd take more than a global recession to stop this lot having a good time.
Pint? Yeah.
Her husband? Mimi never said 'owt.
She probably worries you'd judge her.
Some people do you know, cos of the age gap.
S'not for me to say.
But, don't you think it's a bit oedipal? Edible? Come to me.
Easy, Lillian, people'll be talking.
Well, you always did have a way with the ladies.
Never lose it.
There you go, Isn't she a pretty little girl? She's fine as she was.
Do you think so? Your grandad's busy watching his show right now Isn't he? Stop twitching, love.
So you d'you reckon this'll be a regular thing then? Like fuck.
I left for a reason.
Frank's not changed a bit, he's cleaned me out twice, had nearly all of my wages.
And Mimi's just trying to stick her nails right in me.
A simple no was all I wanted.
This is not a good Scout.
Hey, hands off him! He ruined the camp! I'm sure you're exaggerating.
Look at him.
Absolutely no respect for the badge.
What? It's only fucking Scouts.
Sit down, have a drink.
What did you say to him? Nothing.
You! Ruined the camp.
What you having? Gin and tonic.
Same.
Same.
Shut up you! Not as easy as we thought, eh? Being a parent.
Not easy having one, either? You still turned out OK.
Not because of him.
Despite.
He has got a job.
So why's he tapping me up? He needs it more than you.
He's a janny, for God's sake.
You're a big shot architect.
Surveyor's assistant.
I barely scraped my degree, Karen.
I rent.
I shit myself every time a bill comes through the door and my daughter dresses like a boy.
But I'm still fucking there.
And I'm doing my best.
Whatever that is.
So is Frank.
He didn't have to take Aiden on.
But he did.
When did you see start seeing a halo round his head? Still sulking like you used to an' all? We know Frank is a selfish bastard.
But I don't think you should let him get to you.
Look, you are not that kid anymore.
You're a man! If you fancy me just say so Yeah and still a twat, Phillip Gallagher.
It's a cig machine.
I'm getting off.
Oh, c'mon, mate, stay for a few more.
Yeah, pool tournament starts in an hour.
No, I've got to get back home.
I mean to Dad's.
It's two steps away from paint stripper but, but you know what they say - beware Greeks baring gifts.
I'm just going to dash next door and put this away.
You be all right with your grandad? Watch her! Why, is she going to explode? I like your hair.
Really? What matters is if you like it.
Don't live your life trying to please others.
You'll only end up messing it up for yourself.
But won't that upset people? And? We're Gallaghers.
We do it our way.
I'm glad you killed Bin Laden.
Oh yeah, me too, he was an awful c Y'alright? Look at her, see.
Four of 'em running around trying to give her the wedding of her dreams - dress, car, pink meringues, you name it.
They're all waiting around like twats to see if she likes it.
And does she? Does she fuck.
She hates it, she hates everything about it.
And you know what she does? She tells them.
And fair play to her.
It's the same with you and this dress - it's up to you.
You choose.
Hi, Dad.
You OK, sweetheart? Oh.
That for me? No.
It's for me.
If you've got a clean glass though Oh, beware Greeks bearing gifts.
Not you as well.
I was thinking about staying for the weekend.
Well as long as you're happy to pay board.
'I have brought shame both on myself and my office.
' Won't they be missing you in middle class suburbia? It's not as glamorous as you've imagined.
'Lord Melrose, who quit his position on Monday, when it was revealed 'he had used rent boys' It's a fucking joke! Skeletons in the closet.
At least he's out the closet.
Well, well and fucking truly now, never going to go back in again.
Think he put it on the expenses? You moved! Let's have a look.
Hope you made me look handsome.
Yeah.
It's really good.
That's my family box.
You look different now.
Shut up, Stella! 'Your tits are ready.
' - 'You can pay for a fuck.
' - 'Do it your fucking self!' 'It's not about me.
' 'It was me.
' Stella! Coat on - Stella.
Come here while I get this slide in your hair.
You look like no-one owns you.
We thought we'd take the kids to the park.
Give you a break.
At least let me do breakfast.
I'm quite domesticated these days.
Frank up yet? He goes next door for breakfast.
He said he didn't want to come with us.
Don't worry.
We'll feed them.
Well, I'll stock up whilst you're out.
What's your favourite food? Chocolate milk.
Yay! Chocolate milk! Come on, kids! Last one to the swings.
Don't you be sitting around here all day, worrying, neither.
Do you think it's weird? What? Boy George over there.
Well, no other fucker seems to want to face up to it.
Probably just a phase.
I work with kids.
I know what I'm talking about.
Just her and him the whole time, there's no mother figure.
She's unbalanced.
If we keep it nice with Lip and Frank, I could get more time with her, be that maternal influence.
Maybe she's just different.
A rug muncher? Do you mean do I think she's a lesbian? I don't know.
I couldn't care less if she grows up to be an Olympic class muff-diver just so long as she isn't doing the full k.
d.
lang thing at her first holy communion.
I think he's struggling.
You always manage to get your feet under the table somewhere.
And I don't have to dress up, either.
Any idea what you look like? Yeah.
An adult.
Oh, he fills his daughter's head with lies but the twat's wearing a tie, so he's a fucking adult now.
What's Stella's favourite food, Frank? Chocolate milk.
So you know.
Just trying to help you.
Like I was on my period out me arse, the blood was gushing Oh, here he is.
Got your Chatsworth on.
Yaaaaaay! I wasn't going to say anything before but you did look like a right twat in that suit.
Don't hold back.
I wasn't! Let's go fuck shit up! Ugh, man! He's in! Go on, son! Is it not like this round your way, then? How d'you mean? Like it's posh, innit? Big swanky apartments.
Nah.
It's not that swanky an apartment.
Come to check out my arse, paedo? Fuck off.
Who'd paedo you? Give us that.
Come on.
He's definitely got something.
Specialised market for goggle eyes and acne.
Come on, darling, make love to the camera.
That's it, work it, baby! Hoi! Hey, Dad, come check out these paedos! Fucking perverts! Even if I was a pervert I wouldn't touch him! That's fucking it! Having expended all his energy swimming upstream for no reason at all, the Chatsworth male eventually stops fighting it and goes with the flow, back to the spawning ground to occupy his correct place in society.
Order is restored.
.
.
drink.
I need the toilet.
Go on, then, upstairs to the toilet.
Nice look.
Temporary.
How was that then, sweetheart? Great.
We were thinking, it might be nice to spend a bit of time together as a family.
Jockey later? Yeah, OK.
Granddad, will you come with us? Well I'm not feeling too good.
Might have to take a rain check.
Old war wounds.
- Better give your granddad some peace and quiet.
- Yeah, let's get a cup of tea.
He's all talked out.
Ground control to Major Tom.
We have lift off.
Ah, you! Listen, mate.
I'm sorry about earlier.
We were just having a laugh.
I was being a dick.
Please accept my apology.
Yeah, sure.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Go round picking up fucking kiddies, do you? Oh! Katie! Run now! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Take cover! Bandits at six o'clock! Ow, ow! Fuck's sake.
Hold on.
What? Owww! I think I've got a splinter.
She was terrified.
I should never have brought her here.
Are we really that bad? I'm messing up.
You're not.
She's a great kid.
She came here, met our lot.
And coped.
Like you did.
This is coping? What if I'm getting it all wrong? What about the way she dresses? Is she happy? How do I know if she's happy? Are you happy? Oh, Lip.
Sorry.
Sorry, Frank.
Can't seem to stop crying.
It's Biddy, won't come near me.
Hasn't humped me or thumped me for days.
Oww! Got it! Big bastard that.
Have I lost it, Frank? Never, my little bandit.
What's the matter with you now? Sympathy pains.
Katie's fine.
Mam and Shane are regaling her with stories of something funny.
Thanks.
Right, better be getting Katie back home.
Lip.
She's got a family here.
You both have.
You are putting all this pressure on yourself.
This daft lie with Frank.
He's a shit, so what? You do not let him cost you all of us.
Thanks.
Coggsy! He won't come back, will he? No, sweetheart.
Uncle Jamie chased him away.
I like Jamie.
And Karen and Billy.
I like them all.
They like you, too.
Your orders - if you choose to accept Frank! No talking in line, soldier.
Frank! What the fuck's going on? Oh, come on! No, Frank! No - we've got morals! He doesn't even live here.
Thank you very fucking much.
Oh, you're angry at us? A working man gets one day a week to spend his hard-earned money as he sees fit and the disappointing fruit of his loins comes along and fucks it up.
I need to speak to Katie.
Alone.
Well, I'm out of pocket now, so bung us a tenner, I'll be out your hair.
I haven't got any.
You've had the last of my wages.
Granddad, why have you got your uniform on? Do you have to go back? No, love.
And let's get one thing straight.
I am not, and have never been part of Her Majesty's armed forces.
Your dad lied to you.
Every night you were praying, hoping I'd come back? I was always here.
Only one bus ride away.
Take my advice - don't believe a word he tells you ever again.
He's full of it.
Is that it, then? You just drop a bomb and walk off? Combat references.
How appropriate.
You're a cunt.
Hey - you're all still alive.
Her up the road's got three dead.
Go and call her a cunt.
Thought the job was over once you'd pulled your dick out? You're repulsive.
You're fucking disgusting.
You gave me nothing.
What the fuck do you want? Ever since you arrived you've been sorry for yourself, desperation oozing out of every insignificant, under-achieving little pore.
I did give you something.
I gave you fucking freedom and you can't even use it because every thing you do, every decision you make is about me, isn't it? You carry me up here.
Yeah, keep fucking walking.
I'm with you every single step.
Oi, Zippy and Bungle.
Nearly did meself an injury there.
Where's your Dad? Dunno, not here.
Lucky bastard.
I'm off to have me breakfast.
Oh, there you are.
Your breakfast's ready.
All right! Fucking coming! Can I help you, sir? You not got a home to go to? Ha-ha, very funny.
Do us a pint.
Trying it out for size? I could do without a lesson in morals from you.
It's been a hard night, OK? - If it looks like a tramp and smells like a tramp - I don't want to talk about it.
Then why hammer my door down at the crack of the arse? You might not talk but you'll fucking listen.
- Graduate of Mimi Maguire's School Of Counselling - Look at the state of you, Lip! You've been back 48 hours and you're a fucking mess! I am embracing my fine heritage.
You was the one who told me to go out and have a bit of fun.
Looks like you're laughing it right up.
Oh, and while you were out last night embracing your fine heritage, have you any idea where your daughter is? Where's your dad? Not here.
Lucky bastard.
He didn't come home.
OK, sweetheart, you're coming back with me.
- Shouldn't I wait here with her? - Come on! Orphan Annie there ain't my problem.
No granddaughter of mine is living in this shit tip like this any longer.
See ya! If there's a lesson I can give you, it's that men are thick as fuck.
That's how I know it must be hard, only having your dad to talk to.
I can see why you've made the choices you've made.
It's just that carrying on like this isn't helping anyone.
It's not your fault, love, having the dad you've got.
I picked this up for you.
Pretty, isn't it.
None of us wants to be a boy.
Imagine going through life being one of those lanky streaks of piss.
Why don't we try it, eh? See how it feels? Do you want something? Or is acting creepy as fuck another one of your quirks? Just watching a leader at work.
More afternoon drinking with Frank, is it? You need to deal with this Scouts business.
I'll talk to Remona, offer to pay for any cow damage.
I meant with Saul! He'll get over it, kids do.
He shouldn't have to get over it.
Scouts is something he wanted to do.
Before Uncle Big Balls came along and wasted it for him.
That wasn't my intention.
You made him feel like a twat so he acted like one.
So now you and your big swinging ball sack need to sort it.
Oh, you look gorgeous! Me and Katie have been having a great time.
Take it off, love.
We're going home.
Stay as you are.
I think your dad here's a little bit confused.
You can't just stick her in a dress, Mimi.
She's not bloody Barbie! No, she thinks she's fucking Ken.
Take the dress off! The prodigal son trick is to go back the once.
Law of diminishing returns with you.
We're leaving.
Oh, he's come back to tell us he's going away.
I'm sorry.
Again.
It's OK.
Don't worry.
He'll be back when the next existential crisis hits him.
Another failure to hang on his poor old dad.
It's Katie's communion next week.
I won't stop you coming.
Bear with me while I deal with the overwhelming emotion of the moment.
Come on, sweetheart.
Sloppy work, Nazir.
I could blow that one down myself.
Cow! Now then, boys, look.
This is how it should be done.
Well, Baloo helped me.
Well done, Baloo.
Well done, Baloo! Well done to you! Well done, Baloo! Well done to you! Oh, the camera loves you.
State of them.
They're supposed to be marrying the baby Jesus.
Oh, will you look at that? She's like an angel.
It's not too late to change your mind, you know.
It makes Nana happy.
That's no reason to do something if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Grandad said we're Gallaghers - we do it our own way.
Yeah.
That's usually the bloody hard way.
Hiya, gorgeous! Hiya, sweetheart! You got off lightly - she were going to make you wear this! Love your shoes.
Let's get in, let's do it.
Frank? He knows it's on.
You may enter the boardroom.
Now in the 17th century, your parents might have handed you off to a wet nurse.
That's a woman who breast-feeds you so your ma doesn't have to.
I mean, that's brilliant! Spend your early years sucking on a stranger's tits.
And meanwhile, Dad just stands there, the spare prick at the wedding, so to speak.
Because we never have that same bond that mothers do.
We never carry the little ones around inside us.
'The job's more or less finished after you've pulled your dick out.
'Except it's not.
And that's the big secret, isn't it? 'We're terrified of our kids.
'Little strangers taking over our lives.
'We don't always fuck up because we're twats 'It's because we don't know what else to do.
'So thank fuck for the extended family.
' Well, most of 'em anyway.
'You know I need to hear it,' those three little words.
I'm here to see Remona.
Piss off, Dad.
A little secret between you and her? For fuck's sake! I am tired of seeing her buzzing around you like a fly on shit.
- What are you doing here? - He's taken me passport.
If I'm going to get her out of here, I need you to get him off our backs while I do it.
He's not doing it for love, is he? Come on, you've got a plane to catch.
You're not going anywhere.
Kumbaya Kumbaya, my Lord Kumbaya All right, Baloo? You're not scared, are you? Touch me and I'll cut your hands off.
Sleep tight.