Pointless Celebrities (2010) s11e15 Episode Script
Sitcoms
1 APPLAUSE Thank you very much indeed.
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome to this sitcom edition of Pointless Celebrities, the game where we aim for the obscure and we ignore the obvious.
Let's meet this evening's Pointless celebrities.
APPLAUSE And couple number one.
Hi, my name's Shobu Kapoor, I'm an actress and writer and I was in Citizen Khan.
My name's Abdullah Afzal, I'm an actor and comic and I was also in Citizen Khan.
APPLAUSE Couple number two.
My name is Perry Benson, I'm an actor and I was in Benidorm.
My name's Jake Canuso, I'm an actor and I'm in Benidorm.
APPLAUSE Couple number three.
My name is Sue Hodge, I'm an actress, I was famous for saying FRENCH ACCENT: "My name is Mimi Labonq, 'allo 'allo!" And I've just written my first book.
Hello.
I'm Guy Siner and I was also in 'Allo 'Allo.
APPLAUSE And finally, couple number four.
I'm an actress, I'm called Nerys Hughes and I was in The Liver Birds.
I'm Victor McGuire, I'm an actor, I was in Bread.
APPLAUSE Thank you very much, all of you, a very warm welcome to Pointless.
It's lovely to have you all with us, we'll get a chance to chat much more throughout the show as it goes along, of course.
So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce, the tin opener for our canned laughter, it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.
Hiya.
APPLAUSE Evening everybody.
Hiya.
What a lovely line-up, isn't it? Look at that.
Such amazing faces, I know they've all done millions of other things apart from the sitcoms you all announced yourselves for, but some shows are so absolutely iconic in our British culture and they're all represented here, it's so lovely.
We've got some great rounds lined up as well.
The first two rounds, both things you will absolutely be able to have a go at.
There's nothing terrifying in the first two rounds.
I think they'll be fun ones.
We've only got one person here who's been on before, who is Nerys, who got all the way through to the head-to-head, so she's got form, not a bad player at all.
But it's an open field, it's an open field.
But it's going to be lots of fun, I think.
I think it is.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now as today's show is a celebrity special, each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity, which means we start off with a jackpot of ã2,500.
There it is.
APPLAUSE Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.
APPLAUSE There's only one thing you have to remember and it is this, the pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated.
Just keep your score as low as you possibly can, very best of luck to all four pairs.
Our first category this evening is Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second.
And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
OK, and the question concerns Richard.
On each board, we're going to show you seven UK top-40 singles, all of which have a person's name in its title.
But we've blanked out the name, can you tell us what it is, please? There'll be seven on the first board to choose from, seven on the second, 14 in all to have a go at at home.
OK, so can you supply the missing names to these song titles? And here is our first board of seven.
We have got I'll read those again.
Abdullah, welcome to Pointless.
Lovely to have you here.
Now, you were training to be an imam? Yeah.
Weren't you? Yes.
And what was the route from that to comedy? Not being very good, really.
LAUGHTER I think I enjoyed the preaching because it was a performance.
And there was a script as well.
So I just defied my family and became an actor instead.
And then Citizen Khan came along and - ho-ho! - it's just taken off, it's been fantastic.
It's been amazing, something to be proud of, I think.
First Muslim sitcom.
And the Muslims loved it, didn't they? You're saying, "didn't they?" It is still going, isn't it? Oh, yeah, it's still there.
It's alive.
It's alive, it's breathing.
It's alive, it's breathing.
Very good indeed.
Now, Abdullah, what about our board of missing first names from songs? I didn't listen to music until I was about 17, because I was extremely religious.
I know two of them, because although I say I didn't listen to music, I was a rebel, I did listen to it in my bedroom and in the toilet.
So I do know a few of the songs.
But they are obvious ones, I think.
I'm going to go with Stacy's Mom.
Stacy's Mom, says Abdullah.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Stacy's Mom? Absolutely right.
I have a hunch this is going to be a good answer, Abdullah.
There we go, 18, very well done.
Great start to the show, lovely score there.
APPLAUSE Well played, Abdullah, if you only know a couple of them, it's a good one to know.
Great band, Fountains Of Wayne.
Never quite became uber-famous, but worth checking them out on whatever music provider you use.
Nicely done, you swerved that one.
There we go.
Now, Perry, oh, it's lovely to have you on Pointless.
I mean, Mr Sitcom, really.
If you think of all the great sitcom series, there are very few that you haven't been in.
A few.
Blackadder, You Rang, M'Lord?, Doctor Beeching, Hi-de-Hi! I mean, your name is even Perry, for goodness' sake.
That's how committed you are to sitcoms.
Yes.
Like Jimmy.
Exactly.
Are there any you look at and you think, "I'd have loved to have done that.
" I quite liked Porridge.
And the new one as well, it's very good.
Have you not yet been approached for that? No, unfortunately.
I don't look enough of a jailbird, I don't think.
LAUGHTER Now, Perry.
What would you like to go for on our board, here? There's two that I'm toying with.
There's one that was written the year before I was born, which I think I'm going to go for that one.
Tell Laura I Love Her.
Tell Laura I Love Her, says Perry.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Laura? It's right.
18 is the only score we have so far, 66 for Laura.
APPLAUSE It's a big score for Tell Laura I Love Her.
It was a big hit, though.
The song is about a stock car racer.
But it was originally written about a rodeo rider.
But they changed it for reasons that I don't know.
Rodeo, I think, would be quite cool.
I would have thought so, yeah.
I think they wanted to make it more relatable.
Maybe in the '60s, they didn't know if this new motor car thing was going to catch on, they wanted to give it a bit of a push.
Maybe, to advertise it a bit.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now then, Sue.
Welcome.
Known and loved for 'Allo 'Allo, but you've been touring, you've been doing a live version of 'Allo 'Allo, haven't you? Yes, because I've been out doing my own little show that I've written, which is Mimi And Me.
And it takes you back - 'Allo Again, Mimi And Me - and it's actually the truth behind the making of it and I actually regale the laughter, the fun.
I've written two songs for it, including the 'Allo 'Allo cancan, that mentions every character from the show that you loved.
So, yes, I've been out and about.
Fabulous.
Now, Sue, what would you like to go for on our board? I'm going to try not to be this myself and go for the last one.
Don't Be A Hero - Billy.
Billy, Don't Be A Hero, says Sue.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Billy? 66 is our high score, 18 is our low.
You passed the high score, 55, very well done indeed Sue.
APPLAUSE Yep, they had a hit with that after being successful on Opportunity Knocks, Paper Lace.
It was an anti-war song, Billy, Don't Be A Hero.
Hmm.
Thank you very much indeed.
Thank you.
Nerys.
Hello.
Welcome back, lovely to have you with us again.
Thank you.
Now, The Liver Birds.
I mean, my goodness, when you landed a part in The Liver Birds, that must have just changed your whole life? It certainly did.
But it was brilliant, because everybody felt that they knew us.
It wasn't a sort of big star or anything, it was just kind of, "Oh, that's Nerys on the screen.
" Yeah, you were a friend to millions and millions.
Yes, yes.
But I should think, in those days, there were only three channels, sitcoms must have had enormous ratings.
Oh, they did, 17 million.
And that's just a routine, weekly rating.
You weren't born, I suppose, were you, Alexander? Ah, 1970 Yeah.
Were you? Yeah.
Yeah.
Thank you, though.
Now, Nerys, you are the last person to have this board.
If you want, you could fill in all of those blanks for us before you give us your answer.
I would like to, but I can't.
Fair enough.
I'll tell you the truth, I'm going to get 100 probably, but I have to go with The Beatles, because you know, Liverpool and everything, so, Hey Jude.
Hey Jude, says Nerys.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jude? It's not quite 100, Nerys.
APPLAUSE A little bit of wiggle room there.
95 for Hey Jude.
How are you with this? They're hard, these ones.
They are hard.
Lay Down .
.
Sally.
Yep, Lay Down Sally, well done.
That would have scored you 29.
The Gorillaz track? Dirty Harry.
Dirty Harry.
Yep, 16 points.
And the best answer on the board.
How are you on Hanson? Mmmbop, that's about as far as I go.
That's about as far as I go.
This was Penny And Me.
Would have scored 4 points, so very well done if you said that, terrific answer.
Thank you very much, Richard.
We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.
18, the best score of the pass, Abdullah, very well done indeed.
55 is where we find Sue and Guy.
66 is where we find Perry and Jake.
And then 95, Nerys and Victor.
You are a little bit ahead, but, Victor, you will get a brand-new board, let's hope there's a lovely, low-scoring, obscure answer you know there.
We're going to come back down the line now, can the second players please step up to the podium? OK, we're going to put up seven more song titles with missing names on the board, and here they come.
We have got I'll read those again.
OK now, Victor.
Welcome.
Hello.
Lovely to have you here and on our Carla Lane podium there.
You started in Bread, but you've done sitcoms every decade since the 1980s, haven't you? Yeah.
Yeah, I've been very lucky.
Sitcoms must have changed quite a lot over that time, what have been the big changes? Viewing figures are lower, but that's because of all the different channels.
But I don't think there's that much difference, funny's funny, innit? I suppose funny's funny.
And they're made in the same kind of way.
Yeah.
You shoot all your outdoor stuff, usually before you actually start working on the main script, don't you? Yeah, and then you pop into studio and knock six, ten off, whatever.
Knock them out.
One a week? Yeah.
Lovely.
Now, Victor, there you are on 95, you're the high scorers.
However, I just have a feeling you're going to be brilliant on this board.
I bet you've got a good answer.
Do you? Yes.
LAUGHTER I will go with Sylvia's Mother, Dr Hook.
Sylvia's Mother, says Victor.
There's no red line for you as you're currently the high scorers.
Let's see how far down the board we get with Sylvia, Sylvia's Mother? It is Sylvia's Mother.
And I think that's going to be a good answer, 38.
Very well done, that takes your total up to 133.
APPLAUSE You might have done enough to keep yourselves in the game there, Victor.
Well done.
There we are, thank you very much, Richard.
Guy, welcome.
Great to have you here on Pointless.
Thank you.
Now, 'Allo 'Allo is one of those I mean, it's just an evergreen hit, isn't it? I mean, it's been a pillar, you might say, of British sitcom.
Why do you think that was? What was it about it that made it such a national treasure? It seems to me that it appealed to everybody.
And we still, I mean We still get fan mail from small children who "My parents turned me onto this "and I'm now your biggest fan," and, you know 10, 12 years old.
It's quite extraordinary.
You know, 30 years later.
The Queen Mother was a huge fan, wasn't she? She was.
Very much so.
We were told by Jeremy Lloyd, who knew her well, that the television set would be wheeled into the dining room.
Regardless of who her guests were, she would not miss 'Allo 'Allo.
That is fantastic.
Now, there you are on 55, the high score is 133.
So 77 or less keeps you in the game.
I only know one and it's probably like Nerys, I'm going to score very nearly 100.
Good Golly Miss Molly.
Molly.
The wonderful Little Richard.
OK, let's see how many of our 100 people said Good Golly Miss Molly? Here is your red line, it's quite high, you just have to get below that to be sure of a place in the next round.
It's right.
89.
Not bad.
APPLAUSE 144 You never know, it could be good enough.
Yeah, he's good, Little Richard, he's no The Beatles, is he? He's no The Beatles.
No, he's 6 points off that.
Yes.
But there we are.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Jake, welcome.
Here on our Benidorm podium.
So, when you film Benidorm, I think you're one of the longest-running male cast members, aren't you? I am, yeah, yeah.
When do you film? What time of year do you go? We usually film from March to July.
OK, so it's quite a long stint.
Yeah.
And are most people out there much of the time? We're out there all the time, the main cast.
Yeah.
If we've got a week off in between, but, generally, we stay all the way through.
We start a week early for rehearsals.
So you rehearse and everything out there? Yeah.
There are worse places to be, I suppose.
Well, yeah, sunshine Or do you find it quite difficult having to film where everyone else is on holiday? No.
No? LAUGHTER Now then, 66 is your current score, how are you feeling about this board? Terrible.
Oh, really? Terrible.
I was brought up in Switzerland and so we didn't have the charts that you had here.
What are you going to go for? The only one that I used to listen to, Come On Eileen.
Come On Eileen, says Jake.
Eileen.
Now, here is your red line, if you get below that with Eileen, you are through to the next round.
How far down the column do we get with Eileen? Oh, it's exciting! I'm not holding my breath on this one.
It's right.
You've done it! Look at that, 76.
Just! APPLAUSE 77 you needed, 76 you got.
142 is your total.
Very well done.
Close between everybody here.
It's the only UK top-40 single ever with the name Eileen in it.
At time of recording.
At time of recording.
There's a challenge to anybody.
Let's have another one with Eileen in it.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Now then, Shobu.
Aaaah! No, listen! We're going to chat, but just to put your mind at ease I was a bit scared by that.
I thought something I thought she was deflating.
LAUGHTER Yeah, put a pin in me and I will deflate.
Now, Shobu.
Yes, hi.
Just so you don't have to worry about it, you're through to the next round.
Oh, OK.
It's fine, so all pressure off.
So even if I go big red? But Shobu, tell me more about Citizen Khan.
What is it like? Is Adil I mean, is he a hard taskmaster? Does he make sure you stick to the script or are you allowed to muck about a bit? How does it work? Be careful.
I think, I mean, my experience, because I'd never done a sitcom I did one pilot for a sitcom before, this was my .
.
has been so far, my only sitcom.
EastEnders sometimes has its moments.
Well, but it's a soap.
It had its comic moments.
It's different.
This is kind of a mix of theatre and television, which I liked.
Again, because of not having had experience, there were a lot of changes right to the last minute, which I understand.
The concept is, you want to make it the best you can.
But I think, actually, making comedy is really hard work.
So it was hard work, but great fun, really enjoyed it.
Really good team of people and that thing of being in the same place every year at the same time, it's a home away from home, it's a family away from family.
Absolutely.
So lovely, yeah.
It is lovely.
Good fun.
OK.
And more lovely, you are through to the next round.
Yes! Pressure off.
You're going to see your first X on this board now, people.
But also, can I just also caveat, because like Jake, I didn't grow up in Switzerland, but I grew up in India.
And I had no radios and no television I was very, very, very unlucky, me.
So I knew even less about these.
I did know two on the other one and I knew nothing on this one.
So you're literally going to have to make something up? Hey there, something ABDULLAH GROANS I think is the tune.
Is it? Hey there That's not the tune at all.
Those are definitely the words, though.
The only thing I know, if it is that, it's something But I don't know if that's a name, sugar pop or lollipop or something like that.
Everybody out there knows this.
I know it, but I can't remember it! What to do? Make something up.
I don't know, honey bun, I don't care.
Hey There Honey Bun.
Hey There Honey Bun, says Shobu.
Hey There Honey Bun.
LAUGHTER There's no red line, you're already through.
Yeah, I know, but I know it's wrong.
Honey Bun, let's watch how wrong it is.
LAUGHTER There we are, it is indeed 100% wrong.
But I knew that already.
That's not a name.
I know that! Scores you 100 points, takes you up to 118.
Doesn't matter, you're through.
Yeah, but what is the answer? Lowest score of the round.
Richard? I will tell you.
The absolute secret to the answer is it's definitely not the song that you're thinking of, I don't know what song that is.
No idea! Definitively not that.
It's a lovely song actually.
I got the whole song wrong? Oh yeah, very much so.
Oh, OK.
It's a beautiful song, it's Hey There Delilah.
Do you know that song? Oh I don't know it, no.
You would like that song, it's beautiful.
Would have scored 16.
American band, Plain White T's.
Now, this has two names in this, Grace? Kelly.
Grace Kelly by Mika, number one single, would have scored 35.
I'll give you a clue with this one, it was a Christmas song.
RunHolly? No.
Rudolph.
Run Rudolph Run, there we are.
Run Rudolph Run by Chuck Berry, would have scored you 5 points.
And The Who was Happy Jack.
Would have scored you 15.
So Run Rudolph Run is the best answer up there.
Thank you very much, Richard.
We are at the end of our first round.
The pair who are heading home with their high score of 144, oh, Guy and Sue! Oh, it's too soon to be saying goodbye to you.
I'm so sorry, yes, it is.
Far too soon.
It's been lovely having you here.
Nothing wrong with either of your answers, they just happened to be high.
Good Golly Miss Molly, I'm afraid, that was quite But you were so close, you had people snapping at your heels there.
But I'm afraid you are our high scorers, so we have to say goodbye.
Thank you so much for playing, Guy and Sue.
Thank you.
APPLAUSE But for our remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.
APPLAUSE And suddenly, we're down to three pairs.
At the end of this round, we'll have to say goodbye to another of the pairs in front of me.
Great to have you all still with us.
Anyway, best of luck for Round Two.
Our category for that today is It's a words round.
Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to go first, who is going to go second.
And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
OK, let's find out what the question is.
Here it comes.
We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many .
.
as they could.
Richard.
We are looking for any word which has its own entry in the British and World English section of oxforddictionaries.
com, please, that ends FF.
As always, no proper nouns, no hyphenated words either.
Very, very best of luck.
OK.
Thank you verymuch Just thinking about that.
I'll have to have a think about what you're going to say.
Yeah.
I haven't predicted your answer for a little while.
I used to be really good at it.
You did.
I think one of us is getting thicker.
LAUGHTER Shobu.
Yes, dear, what is it that you want? I would love a word that ends in double-F.
Just one word? Just one I thought I had to do hundreds of them.
Cliff.
I'm now wishing I'd said I'd love an obscure word that ends in double F.
Oh! Stiff, whiff No, no, no, shh, shh! Don't raid the larder.
I have to take your first answer and you have gone for cliff.
I know lots of words ending with FF.
So I gather.
But we are We are going to have to take your first one, I'm afraid.
Rubbish! Let's see how many of our 100 people said cliff? Really?! 17, it's not bad! APPLAUSE It's not bad at all.
Well done.
Cliff means a steep rock face or a Christmas number one.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Perry.
Staff.
Like employees.
Staff.
OK, staff.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said staff.
There we are, 23 for staff.
APPLAUSE I'm your staff, really, aren't I? I suppose.
Well, we both work for the Pointless household, I think.
I suppose we are both staff of a greater good.
Yes.
OK, thank you very much.
Now then, Nerys.
I can't think obscure, but I'll go for a smelly whiff.
Whiff.
As in whiff.
I see, you're helping us by saying the smelly whiff.
I see.
Whiff, says Nerys.
Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said whiff? 23 is the highest score, 17 is the low.
Oh, no, 13 is the low! APPLAUSE 13 for whiff.
And of course, Whiff Of Cliff was a very, very popular perfume in the '80s.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much.
We are halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.
13, Nerys, very well done, the best score of that pass.
Then we travel up to 17, where we find Shobu and Abdullah.
And then up to 23, where we find Perry and Jake.
So we are going to need a low score from you, Jake.
A lovely, obscure answer.
OK, we're going to come back down the line now.
Can the second players please step up to the podium? So then, Victor, remember, we are looking for words that end in double-F.
Fluff.
Fluff, says Victor.
Here is your red line, that's what 9 looks like.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said fluff? 29.
29 for fluff.
APPLAUSE Takes your total up to 42.
We're not really troubling the low scorers yet, are we? No, we're not really.
There's plenty of them out there.
Plenty.
Have you got one? Yes.
Oh, have you? I think I can do better, but I've got one.
OK, good.
Thank you.
OK, now, Jake, 23, you have to score 18 or less.
We now have a target.
Puff? Puff.
OK, puff.
Here's your red line.
That's what you have to get below with puff.
Let's see if you can.
How many people said puff? 28 for puff.
APPLAUSE I love that song, do you know that song? Hey There Sugar Puff.
Aw, yeah.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much.
Now then, Abdullah.
There you are, you're on 17.
33 or less keeps you in the game.
We're essentially looking for a right answer here.
OK.
I'm going to go with huff.
OK.
OK, what are you looking at me for? Huff? Huff.
Huff.
OK, huff, here is your red line.
If you get below that with huff, you are through to the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said huff? SHOBU: Well, it's right.
It's good enough, it's good enough! 27, very well done indeed.
Taking your total up to 44.
Bravo! APPLAUSE So, I think the best answer in that round was 13.
I'll take you through, there's some nice words under 13.
What's your word, first? Pikestaff.
Pikestaff? NERYS: Pikestaff, good.
Pikestaff's a good answer.
SHOBU: Yeah, that's a good answer.
Imagine if I'd predicted that.
Imagine if I'd written down pikestaff Imagine that.
Imagine if that was a thing that I'd written down here.
No.
Look at that! Pikestaff.
Pikestaff! APPLAUSE Well done.
It's a pointless answer as well.
So, well done.
Oh, I'm thrilled! I'll take you through some of the things that would have scored fewer points than whiff.
11 points for biff, scoff and guff.
All of those would have scored you 11.
Quiff would have scored you 10.
Quiff Richard.
LAUGHTER 8 points for doff, 8 points for tariff.
Faff would have scored you 5, sheriff would have scored you 5.
Dandruff for 4.
Nice.
Bailiff also for 4.
I'm just reading out the nice ones, there's lots of answers here.
Mastiff would have scored you 3.
Handcuff would have scored you 2.
Midriff would have scored you 1.
Quarterstaff also would have scored you 1.
Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers now.
These are the ones that none of our 100 people said.
Flagstaff would have been a good one.
Jiff, another name for jiffy, essentially.
To overstuff.
Payoff, I think perhaps people thinking that would have a hyphen, but payoff exists as a word just by itself.
There's pikestaff.
Pontiff would have been a lovely answer, well done if you said pontiff.
And to understaff.
Shall we take a look at the top-three scorers? Yeah.
These are the most popular scorers.
Off? Would have scored you 50.
I'm surprised no-one came up with that! Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Well, we are at the end of our second round and I'm so sorry, Jake and Perry, this is the point where we have to say goodbye to you.
It's been lovely having you on here.
But I'm afraid 51 is the high score, but thank you for playing, Jake and Perry, wonderful to have you.
APPLAUSE But for our two remaining pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.
APPLAUSE Congratulations, Abdullah and Shobu, Nerys and Victor.
You are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at APPLAUSE But this is the point where we decide who goes through to the final to play for that jackpot and we do it by making you go head-to-head.
But the difference is, you can now start playing as a pair.
So you can chat before you give your answers.
First pair to win two questions in this round will be going through to that final.
Very best of luck to both pairs, let's play the head-to-head.
APPLAUSE Here comes your first question.
And it concerns SHOBU: I have no idea what that means.
Richard.
Don't panic too much.
We're simply going to show you pictures of five famous people, they've all been made honorary Harlem Globetrotters for various reasons.
We just need you to identify any one of these people, please.
Thank you very much indeed.
So, can you identify these honorary Harlem Globetrotters? And we have got There we go, five honorary Harlem Globetrotters.
Abdullah and Shobu, you're our low scorers, so you will go first.
We only know two and they're the most obvious people in the whole world.
So we're going to have to choose which one is the least obvious.
I guess that'll be the way to take it, yes.
LAUGHTER OK? Go for it.
We'll have to go for Whoopi Goldberg.
OK, you're going to go for Whoopi Goldberg.
Whoopi Goldberg, say Abdullah and Shobu.
Now, Nerys and Victor, would you like to talk us through that board? Mandela.
I think C is Grace Jones.
Maybe.
D is Henry Kissinger, E is Bob Hope.
And we're going to go We're going to go for Kissinger, shall we? D, Henry Kissinger.
D, Henry Kissinger.
Yeah.
So, there we are.
We have got Whoopi Goldberg and Henry Kissinger.
Abdullah and Shobu went for Whoopi Goldberg.
Let's see if that's right for A, let's see how many of our 100 people said it? Not good.
OK 82 for Whoopi Goldberg.
APPLAUSE Well, she's very famous.
She is! She's very famous, exactly.
What can you do? What can you do? Very much the Cliff of Harlem Globetrotter honorary members.
Now, Nerys and Victor have said Henry Kissinger for D.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said that? It's right and it wins the point.
Very well done indeed.
Nicely done, 23 for Henry Kissinger.
APPLAUSE Nerys and Victor, you've nicked it, that means after one question, you are up 1-0.
The good news is, of the two you knew, you chose the right one.
So that's Because Nelson Mandela would have scored 94 points.
94 for Nelson Mandela.
It makes sense, he should.
Now C, it's not Grace Jones, it's the long jumper and heptathlete, Jackie Joyner-Kersee.
That would have scored 1 point.
So a terrific answer if you said that.
E, you're quite right, was Bob Hope.
And he would have scored you 41.
Thank you very much, Richard.
OK, here comes your second question.
Now, Abdullah and Shobu, you have to win this one to stay in the game.
But Nerys and Victor will get to answer it first.
So good luck.
Our second question is all about That's literally a tenth of a saucy novel.
Exactly.
That's about as far through the book as I got, if I'm honest.
We're going to show you the names of five different shades of grey, but in the form of anagrams.
Can you unscramble them and give us the different shades, please? Thank you very much indeed.
OK, let's reveal our five anagrams of shades of grey.
And we have got I'll read those all again.
Nerys and Victor will go first.
We'll go for the bottom one, pewter.
Pewter, say Nerys and Victor.
Now then, Abdullah and Shobu, do you feel like talking us through the others? SHOBU: The second one is charcoal.
No, I don't know the others.
We're going to have to just go for Charcoal.
Charcoal.
OK, you're going to go for charcoal.
So, we have pewter and we have charcoal.
OK, Nerys and Victor have gone for pewter.
Let's see if that's right for "we pert", how many of our 100 people said it? There we go, 30.
APPLAUSE 30 for pewter.
Meanwhile, Abdullah and Shobu have gone for charcoal.
Let's see if that's right for the second one, how many people said charcoal? It is charcoal.
Oh, it's going to be close.
Oh, look, you've done it! APPLAUSE Oh, no, you haven't! Which means, Nerys and Victor, very, very well done.
Good God! After only two questions, you're straight through to the final, 2-0.
Good gracious.
Very nicely done.
Let's take a look at these other three.
Now the one in the middle, you think would be a very easy.
Slate.
Slate, but it only scored 20 points.
I guess people don't think of slate as a shade of grey, perhaps? Maybe.
But slate grey, of course.
20 points.
The next one down is the next-best answer.
Which is gunmetal grey.
Would have scored you 9 points.
And probably the most famous shade of grey at the top.
Battleship grey.
Oh I couldn't do any of these.
Which would have scored you 6 points, so well done if you said that.
Thank you very much indeed.
So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round, our low-scoring pair, Abdullah and Shobu, I'm afraid we say goodbye.
But thank you so much for playing, you've been fantastic today.
Thank you.
Really lovely.
Come and play again, please.
In the meantime, thank you so much, Abdullah and Shobu.
APPLAUSE I don't think I can take the pressure! Good luck.
But for Nerys and Victor, it's now time for our Pointless final.
APPLAUSE Congratulations, Nerys and Victor, you've seen off all the competition and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.
You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities.
And at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at Lovely! APPLAUSE Well, do you know, Nerys, you are our only returning player today, and I think it's entirely fitting that here you are, enthroned in your rightful place, in the final here.
And, Victor, wonderful to have you here along for the ride.
LAUGHTER Some lovely answers we've had from you as well.
Let's see if you can find a pointless answer in this last round, that would be lovely.
Let's show you our four choices and you just pick one of these, and hopefully one of them will appeal to you.
I should think Roald Dahl.
I'm not big on Roald Dahl, but, yeah.
I'm not either.
What are you big on? I'm thinking the east of England.
OK, go east of England.
Do you think? Go on, go on.
East of England? No, let's go Roald Dahl.
No, no, no.
We'll go Roald Dahl, Roald Dahl.
No, no.
Cos I think so.
Do you? Yeah, because otherwise you'll haunt me.
No, no, east of England.
Roald Dahl.
No, Roald Dahl.
Are you sure? Yeah.
I don't know much about him either.
LAUGHTER OK, let's say Roald Dahl.
Let's say Roald Dahl quickly.
OK, east of Roald Dahl it is.
Three questions here about Roald Dahl.
The first one is, we're looking for the cast of any of the 26 episodes of Tales Of The Unexpected that Roald Dahl wrote or that were based on his stories.
So anyone who appeared in any of those 26 episodes.
We're looking for any of his novels for children or adults which have three or more words in the title.
Or we are looking for the name of any stories in his wonderful Revolting Rhymes, from 1982, or Dirty Beasts, from 1983.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now, as always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers and all you need to win that jackpot for your charities is the just one of those answers to be pointless.
Yes.
Are you ready? Yeah.
OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.
There they are.
Your time starts now.
OK.
So, Tales Of The Unexpected was in the '70s.
Yes.
So we try and think of actors from the '70s.
Novels with titles of three words or more, things like Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory Giant Peach.
That's got two.
James And The Giant Peach, yeah.
But I think they're quite famous.
I don't know any of the stories of Revolting Rhymes And Poems but I would say cast of The Tales Of The Unexpected, somebody like Joan Collins Oh! Let's think of some other actors, Patrick Moore .
.
Joanna Lumley Joanna Lumley, probably, wouldn't she? Maybe.
Yes.
They had a lot of Americans in it, didn't they? Did they? Yeah, yeah.
Did they have Americans come over? OK, so I think Joan Collins is a good one to try.
OK, Joan Collins for that.
Americans I can't think of anybody.
No.
Patrick Moore What Who was the guy? Ten seconds left.
Ten left? Oh, oh Gareth Hunt, Gareth Hunt.
Gareth Hunt.
And James And The Giant Peach, shall we have? I know it's fairly OK, cool.
Yeah, absolutely.
OK, that is your time up, there.
Now, what answers can you give me? Let's go Joan Collins.
Yes.
For? If you say which category.
For the cast of Tales Of The Unexpected, please.
Joan Collins.
Joan Collins.
Shall we go with Gareth Hunt? Yes, go on.
Because he was doing the New Avengers and all that.
Gareth Hunt.
Gareth Hunt.
And James And The Giant Peach for the novels with titles of three words or more.
And James And The Giant Peach.
Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer, do you think? Joan Collins.
Joan Collins goes last.
Least likely to be pointless? Oh, James And The Giant Peach.
James And The Giant Peach.
And then Gareth Hunt goes in the middle.
So let's pop those answers up on the board, and here they are.
We have got Well, very, very best of luck.
Three good answers on the board there.
Let's hope one of those wins that jackpot for your charities.
Can I just ask which charities you're playing for? Nerys? National Osteoporosis Society.
Wonderful.
And Victor? It's the Rainbows Hospice for children and young adults and it's a wonderful place doing wonderful things.
Fabulous.
APPLAUSE Two lovely charities there, let's hope one of these three answers will win that jackpot for your charities.
Your first answer was James And The Giant Peach.
In this case, we were looking for any novel of Roald Dahl's with titles of three or more words.
If James And The Giant Peach is pointless, it will win you ã2,500.
How many people said it? It's right.
James And The Giant Peach now just has to take us all the way down to 0 and your charities will be richer.
Oh, 31 for James And The Giant Peach.
APPLAUSE 31.
But we knew James And The Giant Peach was probably going to be quite high.
We did.
So let's move onto your next answer, which is Gareth Hunt.
In this case, we were looking for cast members of any of the Roald Dahl Tales Of The Unexpected.
If Gareth Hunt is pointless, you leave here with that jackpot of ã2,500 for your charities.
How many people said Gareth Hunt? Oh, bad luck.
A good guess, though.
Gareth Hunt, very likely casting for Tales Of The Unexpected.
But it turns out he was obviously busy that day.
So we turn to your third and final answer, Joan Collins.
Are you thinking of a specific Tale Of The Unexpected, or is it just, again, more general No, just that sort of general That would be great casting.
Let's find out.
Again, we're looking for cast members of Tales Of The Unexpected.
If Joan Collins is pointless, you leave here with ã2,500 for your charities.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Joan Collins? It's right.
Now, your first answer, James And The Giant Peach, took us all the way down to 31.
Your second answer was incorrect, Joan Collins now taking us Oh, no, it's 7! APPLAUSE Oh! That's a great answer, though, Joan Collins.
Down to 7.
Well, I'm sorry to say you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer, so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of ã2,500, but it's a celebrity special, so we are going to donate ã500 to each celebrity pair for their respective charities.
Thank you, thank you.
APPLAUSE It's been lovely having you on, and you get to take home a wonderful Pointless trophy each, so well done, Nerys and Victor.
Thank you.
How fabulous.
Yeah, terrific performance.
Joan Collins is a great answer.
You know, Gareth Hunt, you were exactly thinking along the right lines, so many actors from the '70s and '80s on this.
There's hundreds and hundreds of answers here.
Joan Collins was in Georgy Porgy, a classic Tales Of The Unexpected.
Let's take a look at some of the cast.
There'll be names you know up here, there'll be other names on the list as well.
All of these were pointless answers.
Brian Blessed in the famous Lamb To The Slaughter, the one with the leg of lamb.
John Alderton is in Georgy Porgy with Joan Collins.
Julian Fellowes, Pamela Stephenson, you could have had Anna Massey, Bernard Miles, Brian Capron, Carmen Silvera, Derek Jacobi, Elaine Stritch.
There were lots of Americans, as you said.
John Forgeham, John Gielgud.
You could have had Michael Hordern, Michael Shea, Michael Troughton, Peter Bowles, Ron Moody, Saeed Jaffrey, lots and lots of pointless answers there.
In fact, the only ones that scored points at all were Joan Collins, Timothy West, Susan George and John Mills, so everything else was a pointless answer.
Well done if you said any others.
Now, these novels with titles of three words or more, none of the super-famous ones were pointless answers.
But big fans of Roald Dahl, especially kids out there, might have got some of these The Vicar of Nibbleswicke's been an answer before, hasn't it? And Billy And The Minpins, also a pointless answer.
And lots of stories in Revolting Rhymes and Dirty Beasts.
Really worth getting as well, if you've got kids, great books, both of them.
You could have had Goldilocks And The Three Bears, The Ant Eater, The Lion, The Pig, The Scorpion and finally, The Toad And The Snail.
So very well done if you said any of those at home.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
And thank you so much for playing, Nerys and Victor.
It's been wonderful having you with us.
APPLAUSE Join us next time when, we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.
Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.
Goodbye! And it's goodbye from me.
Goodbye.
APPLAUSE
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome to this sitcom edition of Pointless Celebrities, the game where we aim for the obscure and we ignore the obvious.
Let's meet this evening's Pointless celebrities.
APPLAUSE And couple number one.
Hi, my name's Shobu Kapoor, I'm an actress and writer and I was in Citizen Khan.
My name's Abdullah Afzal, I'm an actor and comic and I was also in Citizen Khan.
APPLAUSE Couple number two.
My name is Perry Benson, I'm an actor and I was in Benidorm.
My name's Jake Canuso, I'm an actor and I'm in Benidorm.
APPLAUSE Couple number three.
My name is Sue Hodge, I'm an actress, I was famous for saying FRENCH ACCENT: "My name is Mimi Labonq, 'allo 'allo!" And I've just written my first book.
Hello.
I'm Guy Siner and I was also in 'Allo 'Allo.
APPLAUSE And finally, couple number four.
I'm an actress, I'm called Nerys Hughes and I was in The Liver Birds.
I'm Victor McGuire, I'm an actor, I was in Bread.
APPLAUSE Thank you very much, all of you, a very warm welcome to Pointless.
It's lovely to have you all with us, we'll get a chance to chat much more throughout the show as it goes along, of course.
So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce, the tin opener for our canned laughter, it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.
Hiya.
APPLAUSE Evening everybody.
Hiya.
What a lovely line-up, isn't it? Look at that.
Such amazing faces, I know they've all done millions of other things apart from the sitcoms you all announced yourselves for, but some shows are so absolutely iconic in our British culture and they're all represented here, it's so lovely.
We've got some great rounds lined up as well.
The first two rounds, both things you will absolutely be able to have a go at.
There's nothing terrifying in the first two rounds.
I think they'll be fun ones.
We've only got one person here who's been on before, who is Nerys, who got all the way through to the head-to-head, so she's got form, not a bad player at all.
But it's an open field, it's an open field.
But it's going to be lots of fun, I think.
I think it is.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now as today's show is a celebrity special, each of our celebrities is playing for a nominated charity, which means we start off with a jackpot of ã2,500.
There it is.
APPLAUSE Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.
APPLAUSE There's only one thing you have to remember and it is this, the pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated.
Just keep your score as low as you possibly can, very best of luck to all four pairs.
Our first category this evening is Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second.
And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
OK, and the question concerns Richard.
On each board, we're going to show you seven UK top-40 singles, all of which have a person's name in its title.
But we've blanked out the name, can you tell us what it is, please? There'll be seven on the first board to choose from, seven on the second, 14 in all to have a go at at home.
OK, so can you supply the missing names to these song titles? And here is our first board of seven.
We have got I'll read those again.
Abdullah, welcome to Pointless.
Lovely to have you here.
Now, you were training to be an imam? Yeah.
Weren't you? Yes.
And what was the route from that to comedy? Not being very good, really.
LAUGHTER I think I enjoyed the preaching because it was a performance.
And there was a script as well.
So I just defied my family and became an actor instead.
And then Citizen Khan came along and - ho-ho! - it's just taken off, it's been fantastic.
It's been amazing, something to be proud of, I think.
First Muslim sitcom.
And the Muslims loved it, didn't they? You're saying, "didn't they?" It is still going, isn't it? Oh, yeah, it's still there.
It's alive.
It's alive, it's breathing.
It's alive, it's breathing.
Very good indeed.
Now, Abdullah, what about our board of missing first names from songs? I didn't listen to music until I was about 17, because I was extremely religious.
I know two of them, because although I say I didn't listen to music, I was a rebel, I did listen to it in my bedroom and in the toilet.
So I do know a few of the songs.
But they are obvious ones, I think.
I'm going to go with Stacy's Mom.
Stacy's Mom, says Abdullah.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Stacy's Mom? Absolutely right.
I have a hunch this is going to be a good answer, Abdullah.
There we go, 18, very well done.
Great start to the show, lovely score there.
APPLAUSE Well played, Abdullah, if you only know a couple of them, it's a good one to know.
Great band, Fountains Of Wayne.
Never quite became uber-famous, but worth checking them out on whatever music provider you use.
Nicely done, you swerved that one.
There we go.
Now, Perry, oh, it's lovely to have you on Pointless.
I mean, Mr Sitcom, really.
If you think of all the great sitcom series, there are very few that you haven't been in.
A few.
Blackadder, You Rang, M'Lord?, Doctor Beeching, Hi-de-Hi! I mean, your name is even Perry, for goodness' sake.
That's how committed you are to sitcoms.
Yes.
Like Jimmy.
Exactly.
Are there any you look at and you think, "I'd have loved to have done that.
" I quite liked Porridge.
And the new one as well, it's very good.
Have you not yet been approached for that? No, unfortunately.
I don't look enough of a jailbird, I don't think.
LAUGHTER Now, Perry.
What would you like to go for on our board, here? There's two that I'm toying with.
There's one that was written the year before I was born, which I think I'm going to go for that one.
Tell Laura I Love Her.
Tell Laura I Love Her, says Perry.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Laura? It's right.
18 is the only score we have so far, 66 for Laura.
APPLAUSE It's a big score for Tell Laura I Love Her.
It was a big hit, though.
The song is about a stock car racer.
But it was originally written about a rodeo rider.
But they changed it for reasons that I don't know.
Rodeo, I think, would be quite cool.
I would have thought so, yeah.
I think they wanted to make it more relatable.
Maybe in the '60s, they didn't know if this new motor car thing was going to catch on, they wanted to give it a bit of a push.
Maybe, to advertise it a bit.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now then, Sue.
Welcome.
Known and loved for 'Allo 'Allo, but you've been touring, you've been doing a live version of 'Allo 'Allo, haven't you? Yes, because I've been out doing my own little show that I've written, which is Mimi And Me.
And it takes you back - 'Allo Again, Mimi And Me - and it's actually the truth behind the making of it and I actually regale the laughter, the fun.
I've written two songs for it, including the 'Allo 'Allo cancan, that mentions every character from the show that you loved.
So, yes, I've been out and about.
Fabulous.
Now, Sue, what would you like to go for on our board? I'm going to try not to be this myself and go for the last one.
Don't Be A Hero - Billy.
Billy, Don't Be A Hero, says Sue.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Billy? 66 is our high score, 18 is our low.
You passed the high score, 55, very well done indeed Sue.
APPLAUSE Yep, they had a hit with that after being successful on Opportunity Knocks, Paper Lace.
It was an anti-war song, Billy, Don't Be A Hero.
Hmm.
Thank you very much indeed.
Thank you.
Nerys.
Hello.
Welcome back, lovely to have you with us again.
Thank you.
Now, The Liver Birds.
I mean, my goodness, when you landed a part in The Liver Birds, that must have just changed your whole life? It certainly did.
But it was brilliant, because everybody felt that they knew us.
It wasn't a sort of big star or anything, it was just kind of, "Oh, that's Nerys on the screen.
" Yeah, you were a friend to millions and millions.
Yes, yes.
But I should think, in those days, there were only three channels, sitcoms must have had enormous ratings.
Oh, they did, 17 million.
And that's just a routine, weekly rating.
You weren't born, I suppose, were you, Alexander? Ah, 1970 Yeah.
Were you? Yeah.
Yeah.
Thank you, though.
Now, Nerys, you are the last person to have this board.
If you want, you could fill in all of those blanks for us before you give us your answer.
I would like to, but I can't.
Fair enough.
I'll tell you the truth, I'm going to get 100 probably, but I have to go with The Beatles, because you know, Liverpool and everything, so, Hey Jude.
Hey Jude, says Nerys.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jude? It's not quite 100, Nerys.
APPLAUSE A little bit of wiggle room there.
95 for Hey Jude.
How are you with this? They're hard, these ones.
They are hard.
Lay Down .
.
Sally.
Yep, Lay Down Sally, well done.
That would have scored you 29.
The Gorillaz track? Dirty Harry.
Dirty Harry.
Yep, 16 points.
And the best answer on the board.
How are you on Hanson? Mmmbop, that's about as far as I go.
That's about as far as I go.
This was Penny And Me.
Would have scored 4 points, so very well done if you said that, terrific answer.
Thank you very much, Richard.
We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.
18, the best score of the pass, Abdullah, very well done indeed.
55 is where we find Sue and Guy.
66 is where we find Perry and Jake.
And then 95, Nerys and Victor.
You are a little bit ahead, but, Victor, you will get a brand-new board, let's hope there's a lovely, low-scoring, obscure answer you know there.
We're going to come back down the line now, can the second players please step up to the podium? OK, we're going to put up seven more song titles with missing names on the board, and here they come.
We have got I'll read those again.
OK now, Victor.
Welcome.
Hello.
Lovely to have you here and on our Carla Lane podium there.
You started in Bread, but you've done sitcoms every decade since the 1980s, haven't you? Yeah.
Yeah, I've been very lucky.
Sitcoms must have changed quite a lot over that time, what have been the big changes? Viewing figures are lower, but that's because of all the different channels.
But I don't think there's that much difference, funny's funny, innit? I suppose funny's funny.
And they're made in the same kind of way.
Yeah.
You shoot all your outdoor stuff, usually before you actually start working on the main script, don't you? Yeah, and then you pop into studio and knock six, ten off, whatever.
Knock them out.
One a week? Yeah.
Lovely.
Now, Victor, there you are on 95, you're the high scorers.
However, I just have a feeling you're going to be brilliant on this board.
I bet you've got a good answer.
Do you? Yes.
LAUGHTER I will go with Sylvia's Mother, Dr Hook.
Sylvia's Mother, says Victor.
There's no red line for you as you're currently the high scorers.
Let's see how far down the board we get with Sylvia, Sylvia's Mother? It is Sylvia's Mother.
And I think that's going to be a good answer, 38.
Very well done, that takes your total up to 133.
APPLAUSE You might have done enough to keep yourselves in the game there, Victor.
Well done.
There we are, thank you very much, Richard.
Guy, welcome.
Great to have you here on Pointless.
Thank you.
Now, 'Allo 'Allo is one of those I mean, it's just an evergreen hit, isn't it? I mean, it's been a pillar, you might say, of British sitcom.
Why do you think that was? What was it about it that made it such a national treasure? It seems to me that it appealed to everybody.
And we still, I mean We still get fan mail from small children who "My parents turned me onto this "and I'm now your biggest fan," and, you know 10, 12 years old.
It's quite extraordinary.
You know, 30 years later.
The Queen Mother was a huge fan, wasn't she? She was.
Very much so.
We were told by Jeremy Lloyd, who knew her well, that the television set would be wheeled into the dining room.
Regardless of who her guests were, she would not miss 'Allo 'Allo.
That is fantastic.
Now, there you are on 55, the high score is 133.
So 77 or less keeps you in the game.
I only know one and it's probably like Nerys, I'm going to score very nearly 100.
Good Golly Miss Molly.
Molly.
The wonderful Little Richard.
OK, let's see how many of our 100 people said Good Golly Miss Molly? Here is your red line, it's quite high, you just have to get below that to be sure of a place in the next round.
It's right.
89.
Not bad.
APPLAUSE 144 You never know, it could be good enough.
Yeah, he's good, Little Richard, he's no The Beatles, is he? He's no The Beatles.
No, he's 6 points off that.
Yes.
But there we are.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Jake, welcome.
Here on our Benidorm podium.
So, when you film Benidorm, I think you're one of the longest-running male cast members, aren't you? I am, yeah, yeah.
When do you film? What time of year do you go? We usually film from March to July.
OK, so it's quite a long stint.
Yeah.
And are most people out there much of the time? We're out there all the time, the main cast.
Yeah.
If we've got a week off in between, but, generally, we stay all the way through.
We start a week early for rehearsals.
So you rehearse and everything out there? Yeah.
There are worse places to be, I suppose.
Well, yeah, sunshine Or do you find it quite difficult having to film where everyone else is on holiday? No.
No? LAUGHTER Now then, 66 is your current score, how are you feeling about this board? Terrible.
Oh, really? Terrible.
I was brought up in Switzerland and so we didn't have the charts that you had here.
What are you going to go for? The only one that I used to listen to, Come On Eileen.
Come On Eileen, says Jake.
Eileen.
Now, here is your red line, if you get below that with Eileen, you are through to the next round.
How far down the column do we get with Eileen? Oh, it's exciting! I'm not holding my breath on this one.
It's right.
You've done it! Look at that, 76.
Just! APPLAUSE 77 you needed, 76 you got.
142 is your total.
Very well done.
Close between everybody here.
It's the only UK top-40 single ever with the name Eileen in it.
At time of recording.
At time of recording.
There's a challenge to anybody.
Let's have another one with Eileen in it.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Now then, Shobu.
Aaaah! No, listen! We're going to chat, but just to put your mind at ease I was a bit scared by that.
I thought something I thought she was deflating.
LAUGHTER Yeah, put a pin in me and I will deflate.
Now, Shobu.
Yes, hi.
Just so you don't have to worry about it, you're through to the next round.
Oh, OK.
It's fine, so all pressure off.
So even if I go big red? But Shobu, tell me more about Citizen Khan.
What is it like? Is Adil I mean, is he a hard taskmaster? Does he make sure you stick to the script or are you allowed to muck about a bit? How does it work? Be careful.
I think, I mean, my experience, because I'd never done a sitcom I did one pilot for a sitcom before, this was my .
.
has been so far, my only sitcom.
EastEnders sometimes has its moments.
Well, but it's a soap.
It had its comic moments.
It's different.
This is kind of a mix of theatre and television, which I liked.
Again, because of not having had experience, there were a lot of changes right to the last minute, which I understand.
The concept is, you want to make it the best you can.
But I think, actually, making comedy is really hard work.
So it was hard work, but great fun, really enjoyed it.
Really good team of people and that thing of being in the same place every year at the same time, it's a home away from home, it's a family away from family.
Absolutely.
So lovely, yeah.
It is lovely.
Good fun.
OK.
And more lovely, you are through to the next round.
Yes! Pressure off.
You're going to see your first X on this board now, people.
But also, can I just also caveat, because like Jake, I didn't grow up in Switzerland, but I grew up in India.
And I had no radios and no television I was very, very, very unlucky, me.
So I knew even less about these.
I did know two on the other one and I knew nothing on this one.
So you're literally going to have to make something up? Hey there, something ABDULLAH GROANS I think is the tune.
Is it? Hey there That's not the tune at all.
Those are definitely the words, though.
The only thing I know, if it is that, it's something But I don't know if that's a name, sugar pop or lollipop or something like that.
Everybody out there knows this.
I know it, but I can't remember it! What to do? Make something up.
I don't know, honey bun, I don't care.
Hey There Honey Bun.
Hey There Honey Bun, says Shobu.
Hey There Honey Bun.
LAUGHTER There's no red line, you're already through.
Yeah, I know, but I know it's wrong.
Honey Bun, let's watch how wrong it is.
LAUGHTER There we are, it is indeed 100% wrong.
But I knew that already.
That's not a name.
I know that! Scores you 100 points, takes you up to 118.
Doesn't matter, you're through.
Yeah, but what is the answer? Lowest score of the round.
Richard? I will tell you.
The absolute secret to the answer is it's definitely not the song that you're thinking of, I don't know what song that is.
No idea! Definitively not that.
It's a lovely song actually.
I got the whole song wrong? Oh yeah, very much so.
Oh, OK.
It's a beautiful song, it's Hey There Delilah.
Do you know that song? Oh I don't know it, no.
You would like that song, it's beautiful.
Would have scored 16.
American band, Plain White T's.
Now, this has two names in this, Grace? Kelly.
Grace Kelly by Mika, number one single, would have scored 35.
I'll give you a clue with this one, it was a Christmas song.
RunHolly? No.
Rudolph.
Run Rudolph Run, there we are.
Run Rudolph Run by Chuck Berry, would have scored you 5 points.
And The Who was Happy Jack.
Would have scored you 15.
So Run Rudolph Run is the best answer up there.
Thank you very much, Richard.
We are at the end of our first round.
The pair who are heading home with their high score of 144, oh, Guy and Sue! Oh, it's too soon to be saying goodbye to you.
I'm so sorry, yes, it is.
Far too soon.
It's been lovely having you here.
Nothing wrong with either of your answers, they just happened to be high.
Good Golly Miss Molly, I'm afraid, that was quite But you were so close, you had people snapping at your heels there.
But I'm afraid you are our high scorers, so we have to say goodbye.
Thank you so much for playing, Guy and Sue.
Thank you.
APPLAUSE But for our remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.
APPLAUSE And suddenly, we're down to three pairs.
At the end of this round, we'll have to say goodbye to another of the pairs in front of me.
Great to have you all still with us.
Anyway, best of luck for Round Two.
Our category for that today is It's a words round.
Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to go first, who is going to go second.
And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
OK, let's find out what the question is.
Here it comes.
We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many .
.
as they could.
Richard.
We are looking for any word which has its own entry in the British and World English section of oxforddictionaries.
com, please, that ends FF.
As always, no proper nouns, no hyphenated words either.
Very, very best of luck.
OK.
Thank you verymuch Just thinking about that.
I'll have to have a think about what you're going to say.
Yeah.
I haven't predicted your answer for a little while.
I used to be really good at it.
You did.
I think one of us is getting thicker.
LAUGHTER Shobu.
Yes, dear, what is it that you want? I would love a word that ends in double-F.
Just one word? Just one I thought I had to do hundreds of them.
Cliff.
I'm now wishing I'd said I'd love an obscure word that ends in double F.
Oh! Stiff, whiff No, no, no, shh, shh! Don't raid the larder.
I have to take your first answer and you have gone for cliff.
I know lots of words ending with FF.
So I gather.
But we are We are going to have to take your first one, I'm afraid.
Rubbish! Let's see how many of our 100 people said cliff? Really?! 17, it's not bad! APPLAUSE It's not bad at all.
Well done.
Cliff means a steep rock face or a Christmas number one.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Perry.
Staff.
Like employees.
Staff.
OK, staff.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said staff.
There we are, 23 for staff.
APPLAUSE I'm your staff, really, aren't I? I suppose.
Well, we both work for the Pointless household, I think.
I suppose we are both staff of a greater good.
Yes.
OK, thank you very much.
Now then, Nerys.
I can't think obscure, but I'll go for a smelly whiff.
Whiff.
As in whiff.
I see, you're helping us by saying the smelly whiff.
I see.
Whiff, says Nerys.
Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said whiff? 23 is the highest score, 17 is the low.
Oh, no, 13 is the low! APPLAUSE 13 for whiff.
And of course, Whiff Of Cliff was a very, very popular perfume in the '80s.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much.
We are halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.
13, Nerys, very well done, the best score of that pass.
Then we travel up to 17, where we find Shobu and Abdullah.
And then up to 23, where we find Perry and Jake.
So we are going to need a low score from you, Jake.
A lovely, obscure answer.
OK, we're going to come back down the line now.
Can the second players please step up to the podium? So then, Victor, remember, we are looking for words that end in double-F.
Fluff.
Fluff, says Victor.
Here is your red line, that's what 9 looks like.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said fluff? 29.
29 for fluff.
APPLAUSE Takes your total up to 42.
We're not really troubling the low scorers yet, are we? No, we're not really.
There's plenty of them out there.
Plenty.
Have you got one? Yes.
Oh, have you? I think I can do better, but I've got one.
OK, good.
Thank you.
OK, now, Jake, 23, you have to score 18 or less.
We now have a target.
Puff? Puff.
OK, puff.
Here's your red line.
That's what you have to get below with puff.
Let's see if you can.
How many people said puff? 28 for puff.
APPLAUSE I love that song, do you know that song? Hey There Sugar Puff.
Aw, yeah.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much.
Now then, Abdullah.
There you are, you're on 17.
33 or less keeps you in the game.
We're essentially looking for a right answer here.
OK.
I'm going to go with huff.
OK.
OK, what are you looking at me for? Huff? Huff.
Huff.
OK, huff, here is your red line.
If you get below that with huff, you are through to the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said huff? SHOBU: Well, it's right.
It's good enough, it's good enough! 27, very well done indeed.
Taking your total up to 44.
Bravo! APPLAUSE So, I think the best answer in that round was 13.
I'll take you through, there's some nice words under 13.
What's your word, first? Pikestaff.
Pikestaff? NERYS: Pikestaff, good.
Pikestaff's a good answer.
SHOBU: Yeah, that's a good answer.
Imagine if I'd predicted that.
Imagine if I'd written down pikestaff Imagine that.
Imagine if that was a thing that I'd written down here.
No.
Look at that! Pikestaff.
Pikestaff! APPLAUSE Well done.
It's a pointless answer as well.
So, well done.
Oh, I'm thrilled! I'll take you through some of the things that would have scored fewer points than whiff.
11 points for biff, scoff and guff.
All of those would have scored you 11.
Quiff would have scored you 10.
Quiff Richard.
LAUGHTER 8 points for doff, 8 points for tariff.
Faff would have scored you 5, sheriff would have scored you 5.
Dandruff for 4.
Nice.
Bailiff also for 4.
I'm just reading out the nice ones, there's lots of answers here.
Mastiff would have scored you 3.
Handcuff would have scored you 2.
Midriff would have scored you 1.
Quarterstaff also would have scored you 1.
Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers now.
These are the ones that none of our 100 people said.
Flagstaff would have been a good one.
Jiff, another name for jiffy, essentially.
To overstuff.
Payoff, I think perhaps people thinking that would have a hyphen, but payoff exists as a word just by itself.
There's pikestaff.
Pontiff would have been a lovely answer, well done if you said pontiff.
And to understaff.
Shall we take a look at the top-three scorers? Yeah.
These are the most popular scorers.
Off? Would have scored you 50.
I'm surprised no-one came up with that! Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Well, we are at the end of our second round and I'm so sorry, Jake and Perry, this is the point where we have to say goodbye to you.
It's been lovely having you on here.
But I'm afraid 51 is the high score, but thank you for playing, Jake and Perry, wonderful to have you.
APPLAUSE But for our two remaining pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.
APPLAUSE Congratulations, Abdullah and Shobu, Nerys and Victor.
You are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at APPLAUSE But this is the point where we decide who goes through to the final to play for that jackpot and we do it by making you go head-to-head.
But the difference is, you can now start playing as a pair.
So you can chat before you give your answers.
First pair to win two questions in this round will be going through to that final.
Very best of luck to both pairs, let's play the head-to-head.
APPLAUSE Here comes your first question.
And it concerns SHOBU: I have no idea what that means.
Richard.
Don't panic too much.
We're simply going to show you pictures of five famous people, they've all been made honorary Harlem Globetrotters for various reasons.
We just need you to identify any one of these people, please.
Thank you very much indeed.
So, can you identify these honorary Harlem Globetrotters? And we have got There we go, five honorary Harlem Globetrotters.
Abdullah and Shobu, you're our low scorers, so you will go first.
We only know two and they're the most obvious people in the whole world.
So we're going to have to choose which one is the least obvious.
I guess that'll be the way to take it, yes.
LAUGHTER OK? Go for it.
We'll have to go for Whoopi Goldberg.
OK, you're going to go for Whoopi Goldberg.
Whoopi Goldberg, say Abdullah and Shobu.
Now, Nerys and Victor, would you like to talk us through that board? Mandela.
I think C is Grace Jones.
Maybe.
D is Henry Kissinger, E is Bob Hope.
And we're going to go We're going to go for Kissinger, shall we? D, Henry Kissinger.
D, Henry Kissinger.
Yeah.
So, there we are.
We have got Whoopi Goldberg and Henry Kissinger.
Abdullah and Shobu went for Whoopi Goldberg.
Let's see if that's right for A, let's see how many of our 100 people said it? Not good.
OK 82 for Whoopi Goldberg.
APPLAUSE Well, she's very famous.
She is! She's very famous, exactly.
What can you do? What can you do? Very much the Cliff of Harlem Globetrotter honorary members.
Now, Nerys and Victor have said Henry Kissinger for D.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said that? It's right and it wins the point.
Very well done indeed.
Nicely done, 23 for Henry Kissinger.
APPLAUSE Nerys and Victor, you've nicked it, that means after one question, you are up 1-0.
The good news is, of the two you knew, you chose the right one.
So that's Because Nelson Mandela would have scored 94 points.
94 for Nelson Mandela.
It makes sense, he should.
Now C, it's not Grace Jones, it's the long jumper and heptathlete, Jackie Joyner-Kersee.
That would have scored 1 point.
So a terrific answer if you said that.
E, you're quite right, was Bob Hope.
And he would have scored you 41.
Thank you very much, Richard.
OK, here comes your second question.
Now, Abdullah and Shobu, you have to win this one to stay in the game.
But Nerys and Victor will get to answer it first.
So good luck.
Our second question is all about That's literally a tenth of a saucy novel.
Exactly.
That's about as far through the book as I got, if I'm honest.
We're going to show you the names of five different shades of grey, but in the form of anagrams.
Can you unscramble them and give us the different shades, please? Thank you very much indeed.
OK, let's reveal our five anagrams of shades of grey.
And we have got I'll read those all again.
Nerys and Victor will go first.
We'll go for the bottom one, pewter.
Pewter, say Nerys and Victor.
Now then, Abdullah and Shobu, do you feel like talking us through the others? SHOBU: The second one is charcoal.
No, I don't know the others.
We're going to have to just go for Charcoal.
Charcoal.
OK, you're going to go for charcoal.
So, we have pewter and we have charcoal.
OK, Nerys and Victor have gone for pewter.
Let's see if that's right for "we pert", how many of our 100 people said it? There we go, 30.
APPLAUSE 30 for pewter.
Meanwhile, Abdullah and Shobu have gone for charcoal.
Let's see if that's right for the second one, how many people said charcoal? It is charcoal.
Oh, it's going to be close.
Oh, look, you've done it! APPLAUSE Oh, no, you haven't! Which means, Nerys and Victor, very, very well done.
Good God! After only two questions, you're straight through to the final, 2-0.
Good gracious.
Very nicely done.
Let's take a look at these other three.
Now the one in the middle, you think would be a very easy.
Slate.
Slate, but it only scored 20 points.
I guess people don't think of slate as a shade of grey, perhaps? Maybe.
But slate grey, of course.
20 points.
The next one down is the next-best answer.
Which is gunmetal grey.
Would have scored you 9 points.
And probably the most famous shade of grey at the top.
Battleship grey.
Oh I couldn't do any of these.
Which would have scored you 6 points, so well done if you said that.
Thank you very much indeed.
So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round, our low-scoring pair, Abdullah and Shobu, I'm afraid we say goodbye.
But thank you so much for playing, you've been fantastic today.
Thank you.
Really lovely.
Come and play again, please.
In the meantime, thank you so much, Abdullah and Shobu.
APPLAUSE I don't think I can take the pressure! Good luck.
But for Nerys and Victor, it's now time for our Pointless final.
APPLAUSE Congratulations, Nerys and Victor, you've seen off all the competition and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.
You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities.
And at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at Lovely! APPLAUSE Well, do you know, Nerys, you are our only returning player today, and I think it's entirely fitting that here you are, enthroned in your rightful place, in the final here.
And, Victor, wonderful to have you here along for the ride.
LAUGHTER Some lovely answers we've had from you as well.
Let's see if you can find a pointless answer in this last round, that would be lovely.
Let's show you our four choices and you just pick one of these, and hopefully one of them will appeal to you.
I should think Roald Dahl.
I'm not big on Roald Dahl, but, yeah.
I'm not either.
What are you big on? I'm thinking the east of England.
OK, go east of England.
Do you think? Go on, go on.
East of England? No, let's go Roald Dahl.
No, no, no.
We'll go Roald Dahl, Roald Dahl.
No, no.
Cos I think so.
Do you? Yeah, because otherwise you'll haunt me.
No, no, east of England.
Roald Dahl.
No, Roald Dahl.
Are you sure? Yeah.
I don't know much about him either.
LAUGHTER OK, let's say Roald Dahl.
Let's say Roald Dahl quickly.
OK, east of Roald Dahl it is.
Three questions here about Roald Dahl.
The first one is, we're looking for the cast of any of the 26 episodes of Tales Of The Unexpected that Roald Dahl wrote or that were based on his stories.
So anyone who appeared in any of those 26 episodes.
We're looking for any of his novels for children or adults which have three or more words in the title.
Or we are looking for the name of any stories in his wonderful Revolting Rhymes, from 1982, or Dirty Beasts, from 1983.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now, as always, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers and all you need to win that jackpot for your charities is the just one of those answers to be pointless.
Yes.
Are you ready? Yeah.
OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.
There they are.
Your time starts now.
OK.
So, Tales Of The Unexpected was in the '70s.
Yes.
So we try and think of actors from the '70s.
Novels with titles of three words or more, things like Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory Giant Peach.
That's got two.
James And The Giant Peach, yeah.
But I think they're quite famous.
I don't know any of the stories of Revolting Rhymes And Poems but I would say cast of The Tales Of The Unexpected, somebody like Joan Collins Oh! Let's think of some other actors, Patrick Moore .
.
Joanna Lumley Joanna Lumley, probably, wouldn't she? Maybe.
Yes.
They had a lot of Americans in it, didn't they? Did they? Yeah, yeah.
Did they have Americans come over? OK, so I think Joan Collins is a good one to try.
OK, Joan Collins for that.
Americans I can't think of anybody.
No.
Patrick Moore What Who was the guy? Ten seconds left.
Ten left? Oh, oh Gareth Hunt, Gareth Hunt.
Gareth Hunt.
And James And The Giant Peach, shall we have? I know it's fairly OK, cool.
Yeah, absolutely.
OK, that is your time up, there.
Now, what answers can you give me? Let's go Joan Collins.
Yes.
For? If you say which category.
For the cast of Tales Of The Unexpected, please.
Joan Collins.
Joan Collins.
Shall we go with Gareth Hunt? Yes, go on.
Because he was doing the New Avengers and all that.
Gareth Hunt.
Gareth Hunt.
And James And The Giant Peach for the novels with titles of three words or more.
And James And The Giant Peach.
Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer, do you think? Joan Collins.
Joan Collins goes last.
Least likely to be pointless? Oh, James And The Giant Peach.
James And The Giant Peach.
And then Gareth Hunt goes in the middle.
So let's pop those answers up on the board, and here they are.
We have got Well, very, very best of luck.
Three good answers on the board there.
Let's hope one of those wins that jackpot for your charities.
Can I just ask which charities you're playing for? Nerys? National Osteoporosis Society.
Wonderful.
And Victor? It's the Rainbows Hospice for children and young adults and it's a wonderful place doing wonderful things.
Fabulous.
APPLAUSE Two lovely charities there, let's hope one of these three answers will win that jackpot for your charities.
Your first answer was James And The Giant Peach.
In this case, we were looking for any novel of Roald Dahl's with titles of three or more words.
If James And The Giant Peach is pointless, it will win you ã2,500.
How many people said it? It's right.
James And The Giant Peach now just has to take us all the way down to 0 and your charities will be richer.
Oh, 31 for James And The Giant Peach.
APPLAUSE 31.
But we knew James And The Giant Peach was probably going to be quite high.
We did.
So let's move onto your next answer, which is Gareth Hunt.
In this case, we were looking for cast members of any of the Roald Dahl Tales Of The Unexpected.
If Gareth Hunt is pointless, you leave here with that jackpot of ã2,500 for your charities.
How many people said Gareth Hunt? Oh, bad luck.
A good guess, though.
Gareth Hunt, very likely casting for Tales Of The Unexpected.
But it turns out he was obviously busy that day.
So we turn to your third and final answer, Joan Collins.
Are you thinking of a specific Tale Of The Unexpected, or is it just, again, more general No, just that sort of general That would be great casting.
Let's find out.
Again, we're looking for cast members of Tales Of The Unexpected.
If Joan Collins is pointless, you leave here with ã2,500 for your charities.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Joan Collins? It's right.
Now, your first answer, James And The Giant Peach, took us all the way down to 31.
Your second answer was incorrect, Joan Collins now taking us Oh, no, it's 7! APPLAUSE Oh! That's a great answer, though, Joan Collins.
Down to 7.
Well, I'm sorry to say you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer, so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of ã2,500, but it's a celebrity special, so we are going to donate ã500 to each celebrity pair for their respective charities.
Thank you, thank you.
APPLAUSE It's been lovely having you on, and you get to take home a wonderful Pointless trophy each, so well done, Nerys and Victor.
Thank you.
How fabulous.
Yeah, terrific performance.
Joan Collins is a great answer.
You know, Gareth Hunt, you were exactly thinking along the right lines, so many actors from the '70s and '80s on this.
There's hundreds and hundreds of answers here.
Joan Collins was in Georgy Porgy, a classic Tales Of The Unexpected.
Let's take a look at some of the cast.
There'll be names you know up here, there'll be other names on the list as well.
All of these were pointless answers.
Brian Blessed in the famous Lamb To The Slaughter, the one with the leg of lamb.
John Alderton is in Georgy Porgy with Joan Collins.
Julian Fellowes, Pamela Stephenson, you could have had Anna Massey, Bernard Miles, Brian Capron, Carmen Silvera, Derek Jacobi, Elaine Stritch.
There were lots of Americans, as you said.
John Forgeham, John Gielgud.
You could have had Michael Hordern, Michael Shea, Michael Troughton, Peter Bowles, Ron Moody, Saeed Jaffrey, lots and lots of pointless answers there.
In fact, the only ones that scored points at all were Joan Collins, Timothy West, Susan George and John Mills, so everything else was a pointless answer.
Well done if you said any others.
Now, these novels with titles of three words or more, none of the super-famous ones were pointless answers.
But big fans of Roald Dahl, especially kids out there, might have got some of these The Vicar of Nibbleswicke's been an answer before, hasn't it? And Billy And The Minpins, also a pointless answer.
And lots of stories in Revolting Rhymes and Dirty Beasts.
Really worth getting as well, if you've got kids, great books, both of them.
You could have had Goldilocks And The Three Bears, The Ant Eater, The Lion, The Pig, The Scorpion and finally, The Toad And The Snail.
So very well done if you said any of those at home.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
And thank you so much for playing, Nerys and Victor.
It's been wonderful having you with us.
APPLAUSE Join us next time when, we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.
Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.
Goodbye! And it's goodbye from me.
Goodbye.
APPLAUSE