Pointless Celebrities (2010) s11e16 Episode Script
Sci Fi
1 APPLAUSE Thank you very much indeed.
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and a very warm welcome to this special science fiction edition of Pointless Celebrities, the quiz that puts obscure knowledge to the test.
Let's meet this evening's Pointless celebrities.
APPLAUSE And couple number one.
Hi, I'm Jessie Cave, I played Lavender Brown in Harry Potter.
Hello, my name is Hattie Hayridge.
I'm best known for playing Holly in Red Dwarf.
APPLAUSE And couple number two.
Hello, I'm Katy Manning.
And I played Jo Grant in Doctor Who, with at least three Doctors or four Doctors, or maybe five, now.
I'm Peter Davison, and I played the fifth Doctor.
APPLAUSE And couple number three.
Hello, I'm Michael Keating and I played Vila in Blake's 7.
Hi, I'm Paul Darrow, and I played Avon in Blake's 7.
APPLAUSE And finally couple number four.
Hello, I'm Jimmy Vee, I'm best known for being the love rat of Kylie Minogue in Doctor Who, and also now the new R2-D2.
Hi, I'm Kiran Shah and I've worked in Narnia as a Ginarrbrik.
APPLAUSE Thank you very much, all of you.
Welcome to Pointless, wonderful to have you with us.
We'll get a chance to chat a bit further throughout the show as it's going along.
So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.
He's like Chewbacca after a good shave and wax.
It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.
Hiya.
Everybody.
Good evening.
APPLAUSE I wish I was like Chewbacca.
I would love that.
What a show this is going to be.
Absolute sci-fi royalty, from Red Dwarf to Blake's 7, Star Wars, Doctor Who is here, R2-D2 is here, Avon is here.
He was my absolute hero when I was a kid.
I'm sure we'll get on to that.
So it's going to be brilliant.
Round One should be good for A, actors, of which I see a lot in front of me, and B, people interested in sci-fi.
So it should be an absolute cracker, I think.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now as today's show is a celebrity special, each of our celebrities is going to be playing for a nominated charity.
So we therefore start off with a jackpot of ã2,500.
There we are, lovely.
APPLAUSE Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.
APPLAUSE So, the only thing you have to remember is this.
The pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated.
So just keep your scores as low as you possibly can and you'll be fine.
Very best of luck to all four pairs.
Our first category this evening is Science Fiction.
Well, how about that? Can you decide in your pairs who is going to go first, who's going to go second? And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
OK.
So our science fiction question concerns Star Trek actors.
PETER WHISPERS ALEXANDER LAUGHS Richard.
Yeah, we're going to show you 16 pictures now of people who've appeared in Star Trek at some point, either on the TV franchise, or in one of the films.
So, just 16 actors.
You just need to tell us the most obscure of these people, please.
Thank you very much indeed.
So, as Richard has explained, we're going to put this image up, with 16 actors on it, you just have to identify any of these actors.
Best of luck.
Here is our image.
There they are.
16 of them.
We just need the name of one of them from each of you.
Hattie, we come to you first.
Now, before Red Dwarf and Holly, you were a stand-up.
Yeah.
Back in the heady days of the late '80s.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was kind of being in the right place at the right time, really, I was just, I was a temp at the time.
I went to a comedy club.
I'd been moaning all day about my temp job, and then they said if anyone wants to get up and do something, they can.
So my friend said, "Instead of moaning to me, why don't you get up there?" So you got up and moaned? Yeah, and then got a gig.
You can't do that now.
Now you need six months to get an open spot, you know.
I bet.
But how long did you moan for, onstage? Probably only five minutes.
And you never looked back, that was it? Yeah.
Very good.
Now, then.
Back to our Star Trek issue.
Yeah.
Some of them are really surprising, I have to say.
Yes.
I'm going to go with Kim Cattrall.
Kim Cattrall Hope that's right.
.
.
says Hattie.
Well, it gets a nod from Jessie, so let's hope so.
Let's see how many of our 100 like Kim Cattrall as an answer.
Kim Cattrall is absolutely right.
APPLAUSE 14 for Kim Cattrall, it's a great start to the show.
Yeah, you'll remember, Hattie, of course, she played a Vulcan lieutenant in Star Trek 6, the film.
Ah, yes.
How could we forget? Thank you very much, Richard.
Katy.
Welcome to Pointless.
How lovely to have you here.
Well, thank you very much.
Which of the Doctors did you assist? Um, I actually worked with Jon Pertwee, and I was very lucky also to work with Pat Troughton, and William Hartnell very briefly.
And then the lovely Matt Smith.
And Matt Smith as well.
So, how long was your tenure? How long will you attached to the show? Originally three years.
Right.
And then 40 years later, darling, they dragged me back in.
Where you were, of course, Mr Smith Yes, yes, I know! We didn't actually work together.
Do you know I did all my work in This is in the Sarah Jane Adventures.
Your dulcet tones, darling.
I just sat in a booth.
That's all I did.
I didn't come down and see everyone.
I think it would have been better if I had.
Now, Katy, who would you like to go for? Well Now, I'm looking there and obviously there are several faces that I recognise, and I'm going to go with Whoopi Goldberg.
Whoopi Goldberg, says Katy.
Let's see how many of our 100 people spotted Whoopi Goldberg.
It's right.
Oh.
Ooh, there we are, 79 for Whoopi Goldberg.
APPLAUSE Yes, she was in the series Star Trek: The Next Generation.
She actually asked to be on it about a year before they offered her the part.
She said she'd love to be on it and they didn't believe her.
They said, "No way, Whoopi Goldberg wants to be on this.
" She keeps asking to be on Pointless Celebrities.
We just keep saying, sorry.
No, not Whoopi.
I shouldn't have thought so.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Michael.
Welcome back to Pointless.
Thank you.
Now, it was huge, Blake's 7.
I mean, it's still so popular.
Everyone adores Blake's 7.
Why do you think that was? Because of Paul Darrow.
He was in it.
He only did 51 episodes.
I did 52! Oh, you've stolen the march there.
I mean, at the time, were you mobbed everywhere you went? No, I wasn't, no.
But, in fact, when I'd started it, they needed a death in the first season and I think it was between David Jackson and myself, but he got the short straw.
He got the short straw and Vila remained.
And I managed to remain, yeah, hanging in there.
And stayed and did all 52 episodes.
Oh, it's fantastic.
Paul Darrow only did 51, as I say.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Now, Michael, what would you like to go for one our board here? I thinkStephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking, says Michael.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Stephen Hawking.
It's right.
54.
APPLAUSE 54, not bad for Stephen Hawking.
Yeah, he appeared on The Next Generation playing poker with Einstein and Newton.
They say that on set he stood next to the warp machine and just paused by it, and said, "Oh, I'm working on that.
" I bet he is! He has said that, theoretically, time travel and instantaneous travel could be possible.
Yeah, I heard him say that in a fortnight's time, yeah.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed.
Jimmy, welcome to Pointless.
Great to have you here.
Now, R2-D2.
Yes.
You are R2-D2 in The Force Awakens.
The Force Awakens.
And The Last Jedi.
Yeah.
How did that happen? Ah, it was one of these things, Kenny was just too old and wheelchair-bound when we started, so Kenny Baker, who had been in all the previous Yeah, he'd been in all the previous ones.
And I stepped in to cover for Kenny.
And as Kenny said, he'd rather somebody was inside R2-D2 rather than just some robot that anybody can have.
Because he wanted life and soul kept in it.
And, by luck, here I am.
So, how much of all we see of R2-D2 is what you are working with? Pretty much everything? The whole lot.
And you can control, therefore? Yeah.
It gives it character, it gives it life, you know what I mean? That's When you're inside it, you maybe get an itch or something like that, that's like movement, it moves, so it's interacting all the time, rather than just sitting there waiting with somebody going, "OK, OK, OK.
" Everyone is now going to be watching those two films, going, "I'm going to spot when Jimmy was itching.
" I want to see R2-D2 sneeze.
It does happen! Very exciting.
Now, Jimmy.
Who are you going to go for? Well, the only name I can really remember is Joan Collins.
Joan Collins, says Jimmy.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Joan Collins.
Absolutely right, down to 48.
APPLAUSE 48 for Joan Collins.
Yes, she appeared in an episode in the original TV series in 1967.
They've had some amazing people, haven't they? Haven't they just? Yeah.
Thank you very much.
We're halfway through our first round.
Let's take a quick look at those scores.
14, Hattie, if you please.
If you please! The best score of the pass by quite a long way.
We then travel all the way up to 48, where we find Kiran and Jimmy, then 54, where we find Michael and Paul, and then Katy and Peter ahead a little bit there on 79.
So Peter, a nice low score from you could just keep you in the game.
You never know.
We're going to come back down the line now.
Can the second players please step up to the podium? Kiran, welcome, welcome.
Lovely to have you on Pointless here.
Now, actor, stuntman, which came first for you? Ah, stunts came first.
I was doing my first movie, standing in for a little girl, and the stunt coordinators forget me.
Asked me if I can do the stunts for her.
And that's how it started.
And you've now just done so many films.
Do you have a favourite film of all the ones you've done? Dark Crystal.
Dark Crystal.
Narnia.
Lord of the Rings.
Hobbit.
Raiders of the Lost Ark? Raiders of the Lost Ark.
There are so many.
It's incredible.
I think there's something about, from a viewer's point of view, any film that's sort of fantasy or science fiction is very exciting for us because we always feel that we are meeting somebody from another dimension.
I know how the conventions work.
Do you find that, when you're meeting fans, that people feel that they are speaking to someone from another dimension? Yeah, definitely.
I mean, for me, it's good to meet more friends out there, you know, the people who have put me on the screen.
And to hear their point of view about my characters and stuff like that, and everything I've done.
Wonderful.
Well, it's wonderful to have you here.
Thank you.
Now, Kiran, you're on 48.
We need a low-ish score from you.
But if you can score 30 or less you are guaranteed a place in the next round.
I will try but I can only recognise one.
Patrick Stewart.
Patrick Stewart, says Kiran.
Here is your red line.
If you get below that or close to that with Patrick Stewart you should be all right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Patrick Stewart.
It's right.
APPLAUSE I think that should be good enough.
Takes your total up to 104.
Exciting.
Famously Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Patrick Stewart.
Gene Roddenberry didn't think a bald actor should be playing the captain.
Patrick Stewart wore a wig for his audition.
Wow.
And convinced them otherwise? Well, I presume so.
I'm not entirely sure if Gene Roddenberry Took it off, halfway through, and then threw it? LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed.
Now then, Paul, welcome.
Fabulous to have you here, Avon.
Thank you.
Now, where did you film Blake's 7? Er, all over exotic locations, like the Yorkshire Moors.
Oh, really? Yes.
You went as far as that? Ah, no expense spared! No, but it's hilarious, because location managers, they always have a sort of portfolio of quarries and things like that, where you go and film.
That's right, yes.
We used to follow Doctor Who around.
Seriously? They'd be filming and you'd suddenly find this sort of alien cactus, and you'd think, "Well, what the devil is that doing here?" "Oh, yeah, that was in Doctor Who last week, yes.
" Which studio did you film in when you were? Well, it was of the BBC, at White City.
Oh, White City? When we were on location it was pretty well all over the country.
Oh, what fun.
Now, Paul, you're on 54 which means 49 or less keeps you in the game.
Does it? Well So, I will go for it, I'll go for Idris Elba, please.
Idris Elba, says Paul.
Here is your red line.
If you get below that with Idris Elba you are through to Round Two.
Let's see how many people said Idris Elba.
It's right.
Absolutely right.
APPLAUSE Very well done indeed.
27 sees you very comfortably through, 81 is your total, very well done.
Yeah, he plays the villain in Star Trek Beyond, Idris Elba.
Now, we were talking before the show, we always used to play Blake's 7 in the playground.
And there was always, you'd have to work out who was going to be what character.
And people would talk about, they'd want to be Blake, who to my mind is a bore.
Like, you want to be Avon, because he's the real power.
So I was always Avon.
I played Avon more often than you did, Paul! Maybe better! It's not for me to say.
Peter, welcome.
Yes.
Wonderful to have you here.
Nice to be here.
Now, when you emerged as, what were you, the fifth Doctor? Fifth Doctor, yeah.
I'd never really thought about it.
I'd never really have thought that Tom Baker had worn a sort of, a costume, so to speak, that he had a particular uniform.
But you had that, sort of the frock coat, what was that? I suggested that it should be based on a cricketing outfit and this was the costume designer's idea of a Victorian cricketing outfit.
It was nothing like a Victorian cricketing outfit.
It was nice and comfortable.
It was nice.
It was colourful as well.
And I had a stick of celery on my lapel.
Yes, what was the celery? I've no idea.
Well, you know, they suggested it as something interesting to wear on my lapel, and then I just said, "As long as you explain it "before I leave, that's fine.
" And they finally explained it on my very last story.
So what was? I forget what that was.
The Doctor was allergic to certain gases in the praxis range, and if they were there, the celery would turn purple, and if I ate it I would save my life.
So that was your canary, basically.
It was, but I didn't do it and I turned into Colin Baker! LAUGHTER Oh, that's just wonderful.
Peter, there you are on 79.
24 or less keeps you in the game.
It's a difficult one between two people.
I think, I think I might go for Kirstie Alley.
Kirstie Alley, says Peter.
There is your red line.
Get below that, you are into Round Two.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Kirstie Alley.
It is Kirstie.
And you're through.
Very well done! Yeah, but not much to spare.
Perfect! Very well judged indeed, if I may say.
20 takes your total up to 99.
That's a great answer, Peter, well played.
Yeah, famous from Cheers of course, Kirstie Alley.
But she's in The Wrath of Khan.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Now, Jessie.
Jessie, welcome to Pointless.
Um, Lavender Brown.
Now, when you arrived in Harry Potter, which was The Half Blood Prince, I think was your first one.
I mean, you knew exactly what it was.
I mean, it was a huge franchise by then.
What was that like? It was like winning the lottery.
It was just bizarre, because I hadn't acted before, really.
And I was 20, and I needed money, and I just thought I would get a dodgy advert.
But then I got Harry Potter.
You got Harry Potter.
How many rounds of auditions did you go to? I only did, that's the other weird thing, I just did a couple, and then a screen test, but after I did the second audition, with the director, they announced they were doing open auditions.
And then something like 7,000 girls auditioned.
So, at that point, obviously, I was like, "Well, I haven't got it.
" And then I just got this call, saying that they'd selected a few to interact with Rupert Grint in uniform, and then I did that, and I got it.
Hah! How amazing.
Now, you are on 14, which means, brilliant scoring from Hattie in the first pass, 89 or less.
I'm going to ruin this! Really? I think I will, ruin this for everybody! Er, I'm going to choose Jason Isaacs.
Um, OK.
Here is your red line.
Get below that with Jason Isaacs and you are through to the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jason Isaacs.
It's right, and you're through.
Look at that, down to eight! APPLAUSE Which, by the way, is the best score of the whole round.
So, very well done indeed.
Your total is 22.
Yeah, great second pass from everyone there.
He is one of the newer recruits to the Star Trek universe, in the new Discovery series.
Now, let's fill in the ones that we haven't said so far.
Next to Whoopi at the top, there? Tom Hardy.
It's Tom Hardy, would have scored you 20 points.
The next one is Michelle Yeoh, and she's a pointless answer as well, so very well done if you said her.
Star Trek fans will have got that.
Now, this next one's a very, very low scorer, but I'm going to say the person on the board who is most famous for being in Star Trek.
Really? Yep.
That is Leonard Nimoy.
No! Yeah.
Leonard Nimoy, look at that! Yeah, six points.
Then you've got Iman.
She would have scored you three points.
Kirsten Dunst.
Oh, is it? Yeah.
Would have scored you 12.
Eric Bana.
Would have scored you seven.
And on the bottom row that's Benedict Cumberbatch, 44 points for him, and the wonderful actor in the bottom right I know, that's Christopher Plummer.
Christopher Plummer.
And he would have scored nine.
Thank you very much indeed.
Well, we are at the end of our First Round, and that means we have to say goodbye to one of our pairs.
Kiran! And Jimmy! It's got to be, it's got to be, isn't it? Well, listen, that was very close.
It was a very exciting second pass, I have to say that.
Anything could have happened there.
It's been wonderful having you on the show.
Thank you so much for coming.
Please come and play again.
Kiran and Jimmy, brilliant.
Thank you.
APPLAUSE But for our remaining three pairs, it is now time for Round Two.
APPLAUSE Well, there we are, a warm welcome to Round Two.
Oh, you did fantastically well.
Jessie, our lowest individual scorer of the round, fantastic answer from you.
But well done, all of you, and best of luck for the next round.
Our category for Round Two today is Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second? And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.
OK, and the question concerns Richard? Just to show we can be classy as well, that's all.
On each board we're going to show you six definitions of words which came into the English language through Greek.
Can you tell us what the words are, please? We're also going to show you the first and last letters of those words.
Thank you very much indeed.
So we are looking for the words Greek origin suggested by these clues.
And here is our first board of six clues.
And we have got I'll just read all of those again.
Jessie? I'm so scared! Um, so, there is a couple of obvious ones which I will have to choose.
Um, I think I'll choose A simul.
.
A simul I know the one you mean.
The one that starts "a sim" A simultaneous combination of notes Harmony.
Harmony.
Harmony! Let's see how many of our 100 people said harmony.
It's right.
Look at that, 63 for harmony, not bad at all, good start to the round.
APPLAUSE Yeah, Harmonia was the Greek goddess of concord.
That's nice, isn't it? That's nice.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Michael.
What would you like to go for? I'd like to go for a gentle breeze often blowing from the West.
Zephyr.
Zephyr.
Zephyr.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Zephyr.
It's right.
63 is our only score, which you pass.
APPLAUSE Lovely score there.
36 for Zephyr.
Yes, Zephyr's a very good answer.
He's good, Michael, isn't he? He's good.
That's a good answer.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now, then, Katy.
This board is all yours.
Would you like to talk us through it and fill in all the blanks? I'd love to.
Not.
Category, nectar, I want to say ozone but it's not.
And mentor.
I think I'm going to go with I'm going to go with mentor.
Mentor, says Katy.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said mentor.
It's right.
63 is the highest score, we pass it.
36 is the lowest score, you are at 43.
APPLAUSE Very good indeed.
Shall we fill in the rest of these? A method of placing events in the order of their occurrence Chronology.
Chronology.
Oh! Would have scored you 30 points.
The sweet liquid? Nectar.
It's nectar, as you said, Katy, that would have scored you 86, it's the biggest scorer up there.
And the regions, this is much more obvious than it sounds.
Ocean.
Ocean.
Ah! And that would've scored 78.
You did very well to avoid all the wrong answers you gave us.
And pick the right one you gave us.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed, we're halfway through our Second Round.
Let's take a quick look at our scores.
36, the best score of the pass, very well done indeed, Michael.
Michael and Paul looking very strong on the back of that.
43 is where we find Katy and Peter.
63 is where we find Jessie and Hattie.
Hattie, a nice low score should keep you in the game, if you can find it on the next board.
Good luck with that.
We're going to come back down the line now, can the second players please step up to the podium? OK, we're going to put six more clues to words of Greek origin up on the board.
And here they are.
We have got I'll read those all again.
There we go.
So, Peter, we come to you.
Me? Yes! PETER SIGHS It's a difficult one between the first and last, really.
I might go for halcyon, is it? You're going to go for halcyon, at the bottom there.
Halcyon, says Peter.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.
If you can get below that red line, you are through to the next round, into our head-to-head.
It is halcyon.
That's a wonderful answer, down it goes to 17, very good indeed.
APPLAUSE Taking your total up to 60, seeing you comfortably into our head-to-head round.
Well played, Peter.
Comes from the Greek for kingfisher, the halcyon was a bird who would nest on the sea when it was particularly calm.
That's rather lovely, isn't it? Mmm.
Halcyon days.
Mmm.
Thank you very much indeed.
Paul.
You're on 36, which means, if you can score 26 or less, you are through to the next round.
OK.
Erm, I'll go for mnemonic, please.
Mnemonic.
Mnemonic.
Very good.
Yes, says Paul.
Let's see if that is right.
Here is your red line.
Get below that with mnemonic and you are through to our head-to-head.
Mnemonic is right.
Look at that, 31.
APPLAUSE Very good indeed.
You might have done it there.
67 is your total.
Yes, mnemonic, like, "Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.
" Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now then, Hattie.
You have a nigh-on impossible task here, I'm afraid.
Close.
Yes, you're going to need to score three or less with this answer OK.
.
.
I'm afraid.
Who knows? Do you feel like talking us through that board and filling in all our blanks there? I'll start from the two easy ones, which is echo, hero And I'll go for the father figure one, which is patriarch.
And that's going to be your answer? Patriarch? Yes.
Here is your red line.
It's low.
But let's see how far down the column we get with patriarch.
It's 46.
Taking your total up to 109.
Not a bad answer at all.
Yeah, not a lot you could do.
Peter and Paul have given us the two lowest scorers on the board.
Let's fill in.
Hattie's just given us the two obvious ones, as you say.
Echo, which would have scored you 75, and it would have been 80 for hero, that's the biggest scorer up there.
And the top one, do you know that? Proton.
Proton, which would have scored 53.
There we are, thank you very much indeed, Richard.
And that means at the end of our Second Round, we have to say goodbye to another pair.
Nothing wrong with your scores there, by the way.
As Richard said, there was very little you could do there.
But you'll just have to come back and play again.
Yes.
It's been wonderful, console yourself with how brilliant you were in the first round.
I'm so sorry.
Please come play again.
Meantime, thank you so much, Hattie and Jessie.
APPLAUSE But for our two remaining pairs, it is now time for the head-to-head.
APPLAUSE Congratulations, Michael and Paul, Peter and Katy, you are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at ã2,500.
APPLAUSE Well, we have to decide who's going to go through to the final and play for that jackpot.
We do it by making you go head-to-head.
But the big difference here is that from now on you are allowed to play as a pair, and you can chat before you give your answers.
First pair in this round to win two answers will be playing for that jackpot.
What about this? This is what we've always wanted to see.
Blake's 7 versus Doctor Who.
Ah! Anything could happen.
And I fully expect play to be vicious.
Best of luck to both pairs.
Let's play the head-to-head.
APPLAUSE Here is your first question.
And it concerns Richard.
In 2013, Radio Times published a list of the 50 greatest British inventions.
We're now going to show you pictures of five of those inventions, and show you alternate letters of their names as well.
Can you tell us what they are, please? Wow.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, let's reveal our five British inventions, and here they are.
I love the photographer's taken tax, there.
So, there we are.
Now, Michael and Paul, you are our low scorers, so you get to go first.
Chocolate? No! Don't go for that one! Do you mind if I do it? OK.
Not at all.
Fine.
Um, the marine chronometer.
Marine chronometer say Michael and Paul, and sighing tells me Katy and Peter had that one lined up.
Thanks a lot, Paul(!) You're welcome.
Marine chronometer, OK, over to the Who camp.
You can now talk us through the board.
OK, well I'm not saying them aloud in case they are so wrong again! Disc brake.
D is hovercraft.
Yeah.
Obviously, chocolate bar.
That first one? We must go for disc brake, because I can't Yeah, I think we have to.
Yes, I think so.
Disc brake? Yeah.
You're going to go for disc brake? We're going to go with disc brake.
OK.
So we have marine chronometer and disc brake.
Michael and Paul said marine chronometer for C.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for marine chronometer.
It's right.
Uh-oh.
It's right and it goes down to 22.
APPLAUSE 22 for marine chronometer.
Now then, Peter and Katy meanwhile have gone for disc brake for B.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said disc brake.
WHISPERS: I don't think they'll get this one.
It's right.
APPLAUSE Which means Michael and Paul, very well done, after one question you are up one-nil.
Yeah, Michael and Paul, yet to put a foot wrong throughout the whole show.
It's the best answer on the board.
Nothing you could have done there on the second podium.
A is the next best answer, it is a drill, it's invented by Jethro Tull, and it's the Seed drill.
.
.
seed drill.
Ah! That would have scored 30 points.
The fourth one? Of course, it's hovercraft, as you said.
Would have scored you 68.
And the chocolate bar, the first sort of mass-produced chocolate bar was produced by Fry's of Bristol.
It's still around today.
But that would have scored you 86 points.
Thank you, very much indeed, Richard.
OK, here comes your second question.
Peter and Katy, you get to answer this one first.
But you have to win it to stay in the game, so best of luck.
Our second question this evening is all about Great! Great.
We're going to play you five clips now of UK top 40 singles that have the word great or greatest somewhere in their title.
Can you tell us the artists who released any of these five songs, please? OK.
Let's listen to our five excerpts, and here they come.
We have got A # You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain # Too much love drives a man insane # You broke my will but what a thrill Goodness gracious great balls of fire Here is B.
# No matter what they take from me # They can't take away my dignity # Because the greatest love of all Is happening to me Here is C.
# I wanna do great things # I don't wanna compromise # I wanna know what life is # I wanna try everything # I wanna do great things I don't wanna compromise Here is D.
# Today this could be The greatest day of our lives INAUDIBLE # Oh, and the world comes alive And the world comes alive And here is E.
# Oh, yes, I'm the great pretender # Just laughing and gay like a clown I seem to be what I'm not you see OK, there are our five excerpts.
Peter and Katy, you will go first here.
Which one are you going to go for? You can probably smell my brain burning at the moment because I You can't just go for the middle three.
I'm having a name problem here.
Um, I'm going to go with Great Balls of Fire, Jerry Lee Lewis.
Jerry Lee Lewis for A, you're going to say.
Now then, Michael and Paul.
Do you feel like talking us through the rest of those songs? Those artists? You are kidding? Having trained at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama, I have absolutely no idea.
Can I guess? Yes.
The last one, The Great Pretender, it just sort of made me think of Freddie Mercury.
So I'll have to go for that.
You're going to say Freddie Mercury? Yes.
OK.
So we have Jerry Lee Lewis and we have Freddie Mercury.
Now, Katy and Peter said Jerry Lee Lewis for the first one.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.
It is Jerry Lee Lewis.
And it is a good answer.
Look at that, down to ten, very well done indeed.
APPLAUSE Great score.
Michael and Paul, meanwhile, have gone for E and have said Freddie Mercury.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Freddie Mercury.
You're absolutely right, Paul, it is Freddie Mercury.
Wow.
Now, where is that going to finish up? Oh, 22.
APPLAUSE I knew this was going to be close.
Very well done indeed, Katy and Peter, you're back in the game.
It's exactly what we needed from you after two questions and it's one-all.
Yeah, there's only one answer up there that would have beaten either of those, actually.
We will get to that.
B is the biggest scorer, if we listen to it Whitney Houston, would have scored you 73.
C is the best answer.
One from our youth.
Echobelly.
Would have scored you two points, terrific song.
Oh, Echobelly.
And D.
It's Take That.
It's Take That, Greatest Day.
And that would have scored you 35.
There we are.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, it all comes down to our decider.
This is the third question that will see one pair going home and the other pair going through to the final.
Best of luck to both pairs.
Our third question this evening is all about Remember it well.
That's all right, then! Richard.
Yeah, five clues now to events and people of 1848, one of the most significant dates in world history.
Often called the year of revolutions.
Can you tell us the most obscure answer to one of these five, please? Thank you very much indeed.
OK, let's review our five clues to the year 1848.
Here they are.
Let me read those again.
There we are.
Five clues to events of 1848.
Michael and Paul, you will go first.
Number four Thackeray? Shall I? Yeah.
Yes, we'll go for the novel by Thackeray, please.
Which we believe is Vanity Fair.
Vanity Fair, say Michael and Paul.
Now, Peter and Katy, do you want to talk us through that board? Well Obviously, Karl Marx is the second one.
You think of the California Gold Rush, don't you? Do you know any other ones? I'm not 100% sure.
It'll have to be Karl Marx.
You're going to go for Karl Marx.
So, we have Vanity Fair and we have Karl Marx.
Paul and Michael said Vanity Fair for the Thackeray novel.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.
It's absolutely right.
Down it goes to ten.
That's a great answer.
APPLAUSE Vanity Fair scoring ten.
Katy and Peter, meanwhile, have gone for Karl Marx for The Communist Manifesto.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Karl Marx.
It's also absolutely right.
Oh, it's going to be close.
Oh, 30! APPLAUSE Very well done indeed, Michael and Paul, after three questions you are through to the final 2-1.
Yeah, terrific head-to-head all round, well played everybody.
The top one, Louis Philippe, is France.
France.
Would have scored 35 points.
Now, these bottom two, there is an answer there that would have got you through.
If you had had to go for a Gold Rush state, what would you have gone for? Probably California.
California.
Is the correct answer, but would have scored you 25 points.
That's the good news.
And Rossetti and Millais and others formed this artistic brotherhood? Pre-Raphaelites.
Pre-Raphaelites, yes, and that was the best answer on the board.
Would have scored eight points.
Very well done if you said that at home.
Thank you very much indeed.
So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round, Peter and Katy, I'm afraid it is you.
This is where we say goodbye to Doctor Who.
It's been a fabulous having you with us.
Please come and play again with us any time you like.
Thank you.
It's been such a treat having you here.
Katy and Peter, everyone.
Brilliant.
APPLAUSE But for Michael and Paul, it is now time for our Pointless final.
APPLAUSE Congratulations, Michael and Paul, you've seen off all the competition and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.
Wow.
You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities.
Now, at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at APPLAUSE Can I just say, I never doubted Blake's 7 for a moment.
I knew you are going to win that.
Hands down, wonderful.
Now, anything you'd particularly like to see come up in this last round? Um, movies where we know everybody in it.
Perfect.
Yes.
I second that.
OK.
Well, you have to choose your category from the four we put up on the board.
We just have to hope there's something up there that doesn't send you running to the hills.
We have got on today's selection Do you want to go for Her Majesty, or do you want to go for? I know nothing about football as you know, having I know a bit about it.
.
.
played it once.
England Goalscorers, I know a few of those.
Yes, you do, don't you? Yeah.
Should we go for that, then? Should go for that? Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did play football.
We'll go for England Goalscorers.
England Goalscorers.
OK, very best of luck, gents.
Got a chance here, I think.
It's one of those one that's quite tough in the 60 seconds, but they'll be names you know.
We're looking for the following, please.
We're looking for any man who has scored ten or more goals for England, for the internationals.
We're looking for any player since 1900 who scored an own goal while playing for England.
Or we're looking for any player who's ever scored a hat-trick for England.
So, ten or more goals, an own goal, or a hat-trick playing for the international men's England football team.
Very best of luck.
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, as always, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers, and all you need to win the jackpot is for just one of those answers to be pointless.
Are you ready? What? Yes.
I think so.
I think so, yes.
OK.
OK, I'm behind you.
Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.
There they are, your time starts now.
OK, well Ten or more goals for England.
It's fairly obvious, but Gary Lineker? And, I don't know who scored an own goal, I can't remember.
Well, we'll go down to hat-tricks, then, shall we? Yes.
It's Gary Lineker again.
Yes.
I second that.
Do you? PAUL LAUGHS And, well, there's the obvious one.
It's not going to be pointless though, is it? Erm Stanley Matthews.
Stanley Matthews, I think they'll know that.
I doubt that would be zero, will it? I wonder if people remember the World Cup.
Ten seconds left.
Should we do Geoff Hurst? Yes, Geoff Hurst.
Yup.
OK.
So we'll go for Geoff Hurst scoring a hat-trick.
OK, that is your time up.
I now need three answers from you.
What three can you give me from these categories? Gary Lineker scored more than ten goals.
OK, Gary Lineker is a top goal scorer.
And the hat-tricks, again, Gary Lineker.
Gary Lineker.
And Geoff Hurst.
And Geoff Hurst.
OK, of those three, which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer? I actually think people might not know about Gary Lineker scoring a hat-trick.
OK, so we So we'll put him last.
Put him last as a hat-trick scorer? Yes.
Of those three answers, which is the least likely to be pointless, do you think? The least likely is probably Geoff Hurst.
OK, Geoff Hurst, Gary Lineker, Gary Lineker is going to be the order of play.
Yes.
Not a bad forward line, is it? Not bad.
Not bad, I know - two Linekers up front, it's amazing.
OK, we'll put those answers up on the board in that order, then, and here they are.
We have got Very best of luck.
Now, if you were to win that jackpot with one of these answers, which charities do you play for? Michael.
Red Cross.
The Red Cross, excellent.
And Paul? The World Wildlife Fund.
Very good indeed.
APPLAUSE Two fabulous charities there.
Let us hope one of these answers will win that jackpot for your charities.
Geoff Hurst was your first answer.
This was the one you thought was probably least likely to be pointless, but if it is pointless, it will win ã2,500 for your charities.
We were looking for players who've scored a hat-trick for England.
How many of our 100 people said Geoff Hurst? It's right.
Now all that has to happen is for that line to take us all the way down to zero, and you will leave with ã2,500.
Geoff Hurst takes us down through the 20s, into the teens to 17.
APPLAUSE It's not a bad score.
Annoyingly, though, we only accept pointless answers in this final round, so we have to move on to your next answer, which was Gary Lineker.
In this case we were looking for any England player who scored ten or more goals.
If Gary Lineker is pointless, you leave here with ã2,500.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Gary Lineker.
Gary Lineker is also absolutely right.
Geoff Hurst, your first answer, took us all the way down to 17.
Gary Lineker takes us down through the 20s Oh, 24 for Gary Lineker.
APPLAUSE 24 of our 100 people got Gary Lineker as a top goal scorer.
We now move to Gary Lineker in a different capacity.
This is Gary Lineker as a scorer of a hat-trick for England.
If this is pointless, you leave here with ã2,500.
This is the answer you thought was most likely to be pointless of your three.
Let's find out if you are right.
How many of our 100 people named Gary Lineker as a hat trick scorer? It's right.
Our 100 people are still going down.
It was 17 for our first answer Geoff Hurst.
24 for Gary Lineker in the first capacity.
APPLAUSE 23 for Gary Lineker in a hat-trick scoring capacity.
I'm afraid, therefore, you didn't manage to find that pointless answer you needed to win today's jackpot of ã2,500 for your charities.
However, as it's a celebrity special, we are going to donate ã500 to each of our celebrity pairs for their respective charities.
And don't forget you get to take home a Pointless trophy each, so very, very well done.
It's been such a pleasure having you on the show, Michael and Paul.
APPLAUSE Yeah, that 60 seconds goes awfully quickly, but during that 60 seconds there's another hat-trick scorer.
You did say Sir Stanley Matthews, and he would have been a pointless answer.
AUDIENCE GROANS Would have been a pointless answer.
Sorry.
Let's just go through this, shall we? We'll start with players that have scored ten or more goals.
Be lots of familiar names to you here.
Trevor Francis is a pointless answer, John Barnes, Johnny Haynes of Fulham is a pointless answer.
The Maestro, Paul Scholes.
You could've had Cliff Bastin, Danny Welbeck, Franny Lee, Jackie Milburn, Jermaine Defoe, Joe Cole, Mick Channon, Nat Lofthouse, Paul Mariner, Roger Hunt, Ron Flowers, Stan Mortenson, Tony Woodcock, Wilf Mannion, lots of pointless answers there.
Let's go on to the own goals.
It's a tougher one, the own goals, because you tend not to remember them quite so well, do we? Another Fulham hero on this list, George Cohen.
George Jordan Henderson, Phil YA-GIELKA, that's how we pronounce it now, rather than JA-GIELKA.
Tony Adams is a pointless answer.
Colin Todd, Eric Dier, Paul Parker, Phil Neal, Phil Thompson, a pointless answer.
Richard Wright, the goalkeeper, also a pointless answer.
There's only four people who scored points there, actually.
Gary Neville, Mark Wright, Jimmy Dickinson, and Bobby Moore.
Everyone else was pointless.
And those players who scored a hat-trick.
Bryan Robson, David Platt, Theo Wolcott, Tom Finney was a pointless answer.
You could have had Jackie Milburn, Jermaine Defoe again, Johnny Haynes again, Luther Blissett, Malcolm Macdonald, Roger Hunt again, Stan Mortenson again, Ted Drake, Terry Payne.
Lots of pointless answers there.
Very well done if you got one of those at home.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
And thank you so much, Michael and Paul.
It's been wonderful having you on the show.
Michael and Paul, everyone.
APPLAUSE Thank you.
Join us next time, when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.
Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.
Goodbye.
And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.
APPLAUSE
Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and a very warm welcome to this special science fiction edition of Pointless Celebrities, the quiz that puts obscure knowledge to the test.
Let's meet this evening's Pointless celebrities.
APPLAUSE And couple number one.
Hi, I'm Jessie Cave, I played Lavender Brown in Harry Potter.
Hello, my name is Hattie Hayridge.
I'm best known for playing Holly in Red Dwarf.
APPLAUSE And couple number two.
Hello, I'm Katy Manning.
And I played Jo Grant in Doctor Who, with at least three Doctors or four Doctors, or maybe five, now.
I'm Peter Davison, and I played the fifth Doctor.
APPLAUSE And couple number three.
Hello, I'm Michael Keating and I played Vila in Blake's 7.
Hi, I'm Paul Darrow, and I played Avon in Blake's 7.
APPLAUSE And finally couple number four.
Hello, I'm Jimmy Vee, I'm best known for being the love rat of Kylie Minogue in Doctor Who, and also now the new R2-D2.
Hi, I'm Kiran Shah and I've worked in Narnia as a Ginarrbrik.
APPLAUSE Thank you very much, all of you.
Welcome to Pointless, wonderful to have you with us.
We'll get a chance to chat a bit further throughout the show as it's going along.
So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.
He's like Chewbacca after a good shave and wax.
It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.
Hiya.
Everybody.
Good evening.
APPLAUSE I wish I was like Chewbacca.
I would love that.
What a show this is going to be.
Absolute sci-fi royalty, from Red Dwarf to Blake's 7, Star Wars, Doctor Who is here, R2-D2 is here, Avon is here.
He was my absolute hero when I was a kid.
I'm sure we'll get on to that.
So it's going to be brilliant.
Round One should be good for A, actors, of which I see a lot in front of me, and B, people interested in sci-fi.
So it should be an absolute cracker, I think.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now as today's show is a celebrity special, each of our celebrities is going to be playing for a nominated charity.
So we therefore start off with a jackpot of ã2,500.
There we are, lovely.
APPLAUSE Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.
APPLAUSE So, the only thing you have to remember is this.
The pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated.
So just keep your scores as low as you possibly can and you'll be fine.
Very best of luck to all four pairs.
Our first category this evening is Science Fiction.
Well, how about that? Can you decide in your pairs who is going to go first, who's going to go second? And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.
OK.
So our science fiction question concerns Star Trek actors.
PETER WHISPERS ALEXANDER LAUGHS Richard.
Yeah, we're going to show you 16 pictures now of people who've appeared in Star Trek at some point, either on the TV franchise, or in one of the films.
So, just 16 actors.
You just need to tell us the most obscure of these people, please.
Thank you very much indeed.
So, as Richard has explained, we're going to put this image up, with 16 actors on it, you just have to identify any of these actors.
Best of luck.
Here is our image.
There they are.
16 of them.
We just need the name of one of them from each of you.
Hattie, we come to you first.
Now, before Red Dwarf and Holly, you were a stand-up.
Yeah.
Back in the heady days of the late '80s.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was kind of being in the right place at the right time, really, I was just, I was a temp at the time.
I went to a comedy club.
I'd been moaning all day about my temp job, and then they said if anyone wants to get up and do something, they can.
So my friend said, "Instead of moaning to me, why don't you get up there?" So you got up and moaned? Yeah, and then got a gig.
You can't do that now.
Now you need six months to get an open spot, you know.
I bet.
But how long did you moan for, onstage? Probably only five minutes.
And you never looked back, that was it? Yeah.
Very good.
Now, then.
Back to our Star Trek issue.
Yeah.
Some of them are really surprising, I have to say.
Yes.
I'm going to go with Kim Cattrall.
Kim Cattrall Hope that's right.
.
.
says Hattie.
Well, it gets a nod from Jessie, so let's hope so.
Let's see how many of our 100 like Kim Cattrall as an answer.
Kim Cattrall is absolutely right.
APPLAUSE 14 for Kim Cattrall, it's a great start to the show.
Yeah, you'll remember, Hattie, of course, she played a Vulcan lieutenant in Star Trek 6, the film.
Ah, yes.
How could we forget? Thank you very much, Richard.
Katy.
Welcome to Pointless.
How lovely to have you here.
Well, thank you very much.
Which of the Doctors did you assist? Um, I actually worked with Jon Pertwee, and I was very lucky also to work with Pat Troughton, and William Hartnell very briefly.
And then the lovely Matt Smith.
And Matt Smith as well.
So, how long was your tenure? How long will you attached to the show? Originally three years.
Right.
And then 40 years later, darling, they dragged me back in.
Where you were, of course, Mr Smith Yes, yes, I know! We didn't actually work together.
Do you know I did all my work in This is in the Sarah Jane Adventures.
Your dulcet tones, darling.
I just sat in a booth.
That's all I did.
I didn't come down and see everyone.
I think it would have been better if I had.
Now, Katy, who would you like to go for? Well Now, I'm looking there and obviously there are several faces that I recognise, and I'm going to go with Whoopi Goldberg.
Whoopi Goldberg, says Katy.
Let's see how many of our 100 people spotted Whoopi Goldberg.
It's right.
Oh.
Ooh, there we are, 79 for Whoopi Goldberg.
APPLAUSE Yes, she was in the series Star Trek: The Next Generation.
She actually asked to be on it about a year before they offered her the part.
She said she'd love to be on it and they didn't believe her.
They said, "No way, Whoopi Goldberg wants to be on this.
" She keeps asking to be on Pointless Celebrities.
We just keep saying, sorry.
No, not Whoopi.
I shouldn't have thought so.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Michael.
Welcome back to Pointless.
Thank you.
Now, it was huge, Blake's 7.
I mean, it's still so popular.
Everyone adores Blake's 7.
Why do you think that was? Because of Paul Darrow.
He was in it.
He only did 51 episodes.
I did 52! Oh, you've stolen the march there.
I mean, at the time, were you mobbed everywhere you went? No, I wasn't, no.
But, in fact, when I'd started it, they needed a death in the first season and I think it was between David Jackson and myself, but he got the short straw.
He got the short straw and Vila remained.
And I managed to remain, yeah, hanging in there.
And stayed and did all 52 episodes.
Oh, it's fantastic.
Paul Darrow only did 51, as I say.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Now, Michael, what would you like to go for one our board here? I thinkStephen Hawking.
Stephen Hawking, says Michael.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Stephen Hawking.
It's right.
54.
APPLAUSE 54, not bad for Stephen Hawking.
Yeah, he appeared on The Next Generation playing poker with Einstein and Newton.
They say that on set he stood next to the warp machine and just paused by it, and said, "Oh, I'm working on that.
" I bet he is! He has said that, theoretically, time travel and instantaneous travel could be possible.
Yeah, I heard him say that in a fortnight's time, yeah.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed.
Jimmy, welcome to Pointless.
Great to have you here.
Now, R2-D2.
Yes.
You are R2-D2 in The Force Awakens.
The Force Awakens.
And The Last Jedi.
Yeah.
How did that happen? Ah, it was one of these things, Kenny was just too old and wheelchair-bound when we started, so Kenny Baker, who had been in all the previous Yeah, he'd been in all the previous ones.
And I stepped in to cover for Kenny.
And as Kenny said, he'd rather somebody was inside R2-D2 rather than just some robot that anybody can have.
Because he wanted life and soul kept in it.
And, by luck, here I am.
So, how much of all we see of R2-D2 is what you are working with? Pretty much everything? The whole lot.
And you can control, therefore? Yeah.
It gives it character, it gives it life, you know what I mean? That's When you're inside it, you maybe get an itch or something like that, that's like movement, it moves, so it's interacting all the time, rather than just sitting there waiting with somebody going, "OK, OK, OK.
" Everyone is now going to be watching those two films, going, "I'm going to spot when Jimmy was itching.
" I want to see R2-D2 sneeze.
It does happen! Very exciting.
Now, Jimmy.
Who are you going to go for? Well, the only name I can really remember is Joan Collins.
Joan Collins, says Jimmy.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Joan Collins.
Absolutely right, down to 48.
APPLAUSE 48 for Joan Collins.
Yes, she appeared in an episode in the original TV series in 1967.
They've had some amazing people, haven't they? Haven't they just? Yeah.
Thank you very much.
We're halfway through our first round.
Let's take a quick look at those scores.
14, Hattie, if you please.
If you please! The best score of the pass by quite a long way.
We then travel all the way up to 48, where we find Kiran and Jimmy, then 54, where we find Michael and Paul, and then Katy and Peter ahead a little bit there on 79.
So Peter, a nice low score from you could just keep you in the game.
You never know.
We're going to come back down the line now.
Can the second players please step up to the podium? Kiran, welcome, welcome.
Lovely to have you on Pointless here.
Now, actor, stuntman, which came first for you? Ah, stunts came first.
I was doing my first movie, standing in for a little girl, and the stunt coordinators forget me.
Asked me if I can do the stunts for her.
And that's how it started.
And you've now just done so many films.
Do you have a favourite film of all the ones you've done? Dark Crystal.
Dark Crystal.
Narnia.
Lord of the Rings.
Hobbit.
Raiders of the Lost Ark? Raiders of the Lost Ark.
There are so many.
It's incredible.
I think there's something about, from a viewer's point of view, any film that's sort of fantasy or science fiction is very exciting for us because we always feel that we are meeting somebody from another dimension.
I know how the conventions work.
Do you find that, when you're meeting fans, that people feel that they are speaking to someone from another dimension? Yeah, definitely.
I mean, for me, it's good to meet more friends out there, you know, the people who have put me on the screen.
And to hear their point of view about my characters and stuff like that, and everything I've done.
Wonderful.
Well, it's wonderful to have you here.
Thank you.
Now, Kiran, you're on 48.
We need a low-ish score from you.
But if you can score 30 or less you are guaranteed a place in the next round.
I will try but I can only recognise one.
Patrick Stewart.
Patrick Stewart, says Kiran.
Here is your red line.
If you get below that or close to that with Patrick Stewart you should be all right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Patrick Stewart.
It's right.
APPLAUSE I think that should be good enough.
Takes your total up to 104.
Exciting.
Famously Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Patrick Stewart.
Gene Roddenberry didn't think a bald actor should be playing the captain.
Patrick Stewart wore a wig for his audition.
Wow.
And convinced them otherwise? Well, I presume so.
I'm not entirely sure if Gene Roddenberry Took it off, halfway through, and then threw it? LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed.
Now then, Paul, welcome.
Fabulous to have you here, Avon.
Thank you.
Now, where did you film Blake's 7? Er, all over exotic locations, like the Yorkshire Moors.
Oh, really? Yes.
You went as far as that? Ah, no expense spared! No, but it's hilarious, because location managers, they always have a sort of portfolio of quarries and things like that, where you go and film.
That's right, yes.
We used to follow Doctor Who around.
Seriously? They'd be filming and you'd suddenly find this sort of alien cactus, and you'd think, "Well, what the devil is that doing here?" "Oh, yeah, that was in Doctor Who last week, yes.
" Which studio did you film in when you were? Well, it was of the BBC, at White City.
Oh, White City? When we were on location it was pretty well all over the country.
Oh, what fun.
Now, Paul, you're on 54 which means 49 or less keeps you in the game.
Does it? Well So, I will go for it, I'll go for Idris Elba, please.
Idris Elba, says Paul.
Here is your red line.
If you get below that with Idris Elba you are through to Round Two.
Let's see how many people said Idris Elba.
It's right.
Absolutely right.
APPLAUSE Very well done indeed.
27 sees you very comfortably through, 81 is your total, very well done.
Yeah, he plays the villain in Star Trek Beyond, Idris Elba.
Now, we were talking before the show, we always used to play Blake's 7 in the playground.
And there was always, you'd have to work out who was going to be what character.
And people would talk about, they'd want to be Blake, who to my mind is a bore.
Like, you want to be Avon, because he's the real power.
So I was always Avon.
I played Avon more often than you did, Paul! Maybe better! It's not for me to say.
Peter, welcome.
Yes.
Wonderful to have you here.
Nice to be here.
Now, when you emerged as, what were you, the fifth Doctor? Fifth Doctor, yeah.
I'd never really thought about it.
I'd never really have thought that Tom Baker had worn a sort of, a costume, so to speak, that he had a particular uniform.
But you had that, sort of the frock coat, what was that? I suggested that it should be based on a cricketing outfit and this was the costume designer's idea of a Victorian cricketing outfit.
It was nothing like a Victorian cricketing outfit.
It was nice and comfortable.
It was nice.
It was colourful as well.
And I had a stick of celery on my lapel.
Yes, what was the celery? I've no idea.
Well, you know, they suggested it as something interesting to wear on my lapel, and then I just said, "As long as you explain it "before I leave, that's fine.
" And they finally explained it on my very last story.
So what was? I forget what that was.
The Doctor was allergic to certain gases in the praxis range, and if they were there, the celery would turn purple, and if I ate it I would save my life.
So that was your canary, basically.
It was, but I didn't do it and I turned into Colin Baker! LAUGHTER Oh, that's just wonderful.
Peter, there you are on 79.
24 or less keeps you in the game.
It's a difficult one between two people.
I think, I think I might go for Kirstie Alley.
Kirstie Alley, says Peter.
There is your red line.
Get below that, you are into Round Two.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Kirstie Alley.
It is Kirstie.
And you're through.
Very well done! Yeah, but not much to spare.
Perfect! Very well judged indeed, if I may say.
20 takes your total up to 99.
That's a great answer, Peter, well played.
Yeah, famous from Cheers of course, Kirstie Alley.
But she's in The Wrath of Khan.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Now, Jessie.
Jessie, welcome to Pointless.
Um, Lavender Brown.
Now, when you arrived in Harry Potter, which was The Half Blood Prince, I think was your first one.
I mean, you knew exactly what it was.
I mean, it was a huge franchise by then.
What was that like? It was like winning the lottery.
It was just bizarre, because I hadn't acted before, really.
And I was 20, and I needed money, and I just thought I would get a dodgy advert.
But then I got Harry Potter.
You got Harry Potter.
How many rounds of auditions did you go to? I only did, that's the other weird thing, I just did a couple, and then a screen test, but after I did the second audition, with the director, they announced they were doing open auditions.
And then something like 7,000 girls auditioned.
So, at that point, obviously, I was like, "Well, I haven't got it.
" And then I just got this call, saying that they'd selected a few to interact with Rupert Grint in uniform, and then I did that, and I got it.
Hah! How amazing.
Now, you are on 14, which means, brilliant scoring from Hattie in the first pass, 89 or less.
I'm going to ruin this! Really? I think I will, ruin this for everybody! Er, I'm going to choose Jason Isaacs.
Um, OK.
Here is your red line.
Get below that with Jason Isaacs and you are through to the next round.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jason Isaacs.
It's right, and you're through.
Look at that, down to eight! APPLAUSE Which, by the way, is the best score of the whole round.
So, very well done indeed.
Your total is 22.
Yeah, great second pass from everyone there.
He is one of the newer recruits to the Star Trek universe, in the new Discovery series.
Now, let's fill in the ones that we haven't said so far.
Next to Whoopi at the top, there? Tom Hardy.
It's Tom Hardy, would have scored you 20 points.
The next one is Michelle Yeoh, and she's a pointless answer as well, so very well done if you said her.
Star Trek fans will have got that.
Now, this next one's a very, very low scorer, but I'm going to say the person on the board who is most famous for being in Star Trek.
Really? Yep.
That is Leonard Nimoy.
No! Yeah.
Leonard Nimoy, look at that! Yeah, six points.
Then you've got Iman.
She would have scored you three points.
Kirsten Dunst.
Oh, is it? Yeah.
Would have scored you 12.
Eric Bana.
Would have scored you seven.
And on the bottom row that's Benedict Cumberbatch, 44 points for him, and the wonderful actor in the bottom right I know, that's Christopher Plummer.
Christopher Plummer.
And he would have scored nine.
Thank you very much indeed.
Well, we are at the end of our First Round, and that means we have to say goodbye to one of our pairs.
Kiran! And Jimmy! It's got to be, it's got to be, isn't it? Well, listen, that was very close.
It was a very exciting second pass, I have to say that.
Anything could have happened there.
It's been wonderful having you on the show.
Thank you so much for coming.
Please come and play again.
Kiran and Jimmy, brilliant.
Thank you.
APPLAUSE But for our remaining three pairs, it is now time for Round Two.
APPLAUSE Well, there we are, a warm welcome to Round Two.
Oh, you did fantastically well.
Jessie, our lowest individual scorer of the round, fantastic answer from you.
But well done, all of you, and best of luck for the next round.
Our category for Round Two today is Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second? And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.
OK, and the question concerns Richard? Just to show we can be classy as well, that's all.
On each board we're going to show you six definitions of words which came into the English language through Greek.
Can you tell us what the words are, please? We're also going to show you the first and last letters of those words.
Thank you very much indeed.
So we are looking for the words Greek origin suggested by these clues.
And here is our first board of six clues.
And we have got I'll just read all of those again.
Jessie? I'm so scared! Um, so, there is a couple of obvious ones which I will have to choose.
Um, I think I'll choose A simul.
.
A simul I know the one you mean.
The one that starts "a sim" A simultaneous combination of notes Harmony.
Harmony.
Harmony! Let's see how many of our 100 people said harmony.
It's right.
Look at that, 63 for harmony, not bad at all, good start to the round.
APPLAUSE Yeah, Harmonia was the Greek goddess of concord.
That's nice, isn't it? That's nice.
Thank you very much, Richard.
Michael.
What would you like to go for? I'd like to go for a gentle breeze often blowing from the West.
Zephyr.
Zephyr.
Zephyr.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Zephyr.
It's right.
63 is our only score, which you pass.
APPLAUSE Lovely score there.
36 for Zephyr.
Yes, Zephyr's a very good answer.
He's good, Michael, isn't he? He's good.
That's a good answer.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now, then, Katy.
This board is all yours.
Would you like to talk us through it and fill in all the blanks? I'd love to.
Not.
Category, nectar, I want to say ozone but it's not.
And mentor.
I think I'm going to go with I'm going to go with mentor.
Mentor, says Katy.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said mentor.
It's right.
63 is the highest score, we pass it.
36 is the lowest score, you are at 43.
APPLAUSE Very good indeed.
Shall we fill in the rest of these? A method of placing events in the order of their occurrence Chronology.
Chronology.
Oh! Would have scored you 30 points.
The sweet liquid? Nectar.
It's nectar, as you said, Katy, that would have scored you 86, it's the biggest scorer up there.
And the regions, this is much more obvious than it sounds.
Ocean.
Ocean.
Ah! And that would've scored 78.
You did very well to avoid all the wrong answers you gave us.
And pick the right one you gave us.
LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed, we're halfway through our Second Round.
Let's take a quick look at our scores.
36, the best score of the pass, very well done indeed, Michael.
Michael and Paul looking very strong on the back of that.
43 is where we find Katy and Peter.
63 is where we find Jessie and Hattie.
Hattie, a nice low score should keep you in the game, if you can find it on the next board.
Good luck with that.
We're going to come back down the line now, can the second players please step up to the podium? OK, we're going to put six more clues to words of Greek origin up on the board.
And here they are.
We have got I'll read those all again.
There we go.
So, Peter, we come to you.
Me? Yes! PETER SIGHS It's a difficult one between the first and last, really.
I might go for halcyon, is it? You're going to go for halcyon, at the bottom there.
Halcyon, says Peter.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.
If you can get below that red line, you are through to the next round, into our head-to-head.
It is halcyon.
That's a wonderful answer, down it goes to 17, very good indeed.
APPLAUSE Taking your total up to 60, seeing you comfortably into our head-to-head round.
Well played, Peter.
Comes from the Greek for kingfisher, the halcyon was a bird who would nest on the sea when it was particularly calm.
That's rather lovely, isn't it? Mmm.
Halcyon days.
Mmm.
Thank you very much indeed.
Paul.
You're on 36, which means, if you can score 26 or less, you are through to the next round.
OK.
Erm, I'll go for mnemonic, please.
Mnemonic.
Mnemonic.
Very good.
Yes, says Paul.
Let's see if that is right.
Here is your red line.
Get below that with mnemonic and you are through to our head-to-head.
Mnemonic is right.
Look at that, 31.
APPLAUSE Very good indeed.
You might have done it there.
67 is your total.
Yes, mnemonic, like, "Richard Of York Gave Battle In Vain.
" Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
Now then, Hattie.
You have a nigh-on impossible task here, I'm afraid.
Close.
Yes, you're going to need to score three or less with this answer OK.
.
.
I'm afraid.
Who knows? Do you feel like talking us through that board and filling in all our blanks there? I'll start from the two easy ones, which is echo, hero And I'll go for the father figure one, which is patriarch.
And that's going to be your answer? Patriarch? Yes.
Here is your red line.
It's low.
But let's see how far down the column we get with patriarch.
It's 46.
Taking your total up to 109.
Not a bad answer at all.
Yeah, not a lot you could do.
Peter and Paul have given us the two lowest scorers on the board.
Let's fill in.
Hattie's just given us the two obvious ones, as you say.
Echo, which would have scored you 75, and it would have been 80 for hero, that's the biggest scorer up there.
And the top one, do you know that? Proton.
Proton, which would have scored 53.
There we are, thank you very much indeed, Richard.
And that means at the end of our Second Round, we have to say goodbye to another pair.
Nothing wrong with your scores there, by the way.
As Richard said, there was very little you could do there.
But you'll just have to come back and play again.
Yes.
It's been wonderful, console yourself with how brilliant you were in the first round.
I'm so sorry.
Please come play again.
Meantime, thank you so much, Hattie and Jessie.
APPLAUSE But for our two remaining pairs, it is now time for the head-to-head.
APPLAUSE Congratulations, Michael and Paul, Peter and Katy, you are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at ã2,500.
APPLAUSE Well, we have to decide who's going to go through to the final and play for that jackpot.
We do it by making you go head-to-head.
But the big difference here is that from now on you are allowed to play as a pair, and you can chat before you give your answers.
First pair in this round to win two answers will be playing for that jackpot.
What about this? This is what we've always wanted to see.
Blake's 7 versus Doctor Who.
Ah! Anything could happen.
And I fully expect play to be vicious.
Best of luck to both pairs.
Let's play the head-to-head.
APPLAUSE Here is your first question.
And it concerns Richard.
In 2013, Radio Times published a list of the 50 greatest British inventions.
We're now going to show you pictures of five of those inventions, and show you alternate letters of their names as well.
Can you tell us what they are, please? Wow.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, let's reveal our five British inventions, and here they are.
I love the photographer's taken tax, there.
So, there we are.
Now, Michael and Paul, you are our low scorers, so you get to go first.
Chocolate? No! Don't go for that one! Do you mind if I do it? OK.
Not at all.
Fine.
Um, the marine chronometer.
Marine chronometer say Michael and Paul, and sighing tells me Katy and Peter had that one lined up.
Thanks a lot, Paul(!) You're welcome.
Marine chronometer, OK, over to the Who camp.
You can now talk us through the board.
OK, well I'm not saying them aloud in case they are so wrong again! Disc brake.
D is hovercraft.
Yeah.
Obviously, chocolate bar.
That first one? We must go for disc brake, because I can't Yeah, I think we have to.
Yes, I think so.
Disc brake? Yeah.
You're going to go for disc brake? We're going to go with disc brake.
OK.
So we have marine chronometer and disc brake.
Michael and Paul said marine chronometer for C.
Let's see how many of our 100 people went for marine chronometer.
It's right.
Uh-oh.
It's right and it goes down to 22.
APPLAUSE 22 for marine chronometer.
Now then, Peter and Katy meanwhile have gone for disc brake for B.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said disc brake.
WHISPERS: I don't think they'll get this one.
It's right.
APPLAUSE Which means Michael and Paul, very well done, after one question you are up one-nil.
Yeah, Michael and Paul, yet to put a foot wrong throughout the whole show.
It's the best answer on the board.
Nothing you could have done there on the second podium.
A is the next best answer, it is a drill, it's invented by Jethro Tull, and it's the Seed drill.
.
.
seed drill.
Ah! That would have scored 30 points.
The fourth one? Of course, it's hovercraft, as you said.
Would have scored you 68.
And the chocolate bar, the first sort of mass-produced chocolate bar was produced by Fry's of Bristol.
It's still around today.
But that would have scored you 86 points.
Thank you, very much indeed, Richard.
OK, here comes your second question.
Peter and Katy, you get to answer this one first.
But you have to win it to stay in the game, so best of luck.
Our second question this evening is all about Great! Great.
We're going to play you five clips now of UK top 40 singles that have the word great or greatest somewhere in their title.
Can you tell us the artists who released any of these five songs, please? OK.
Let's listen to our five excerpts, and here they come.
We have got A # You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain # Too much love drives a man insane # You broke my will but what a thrill Goodness gracious great balls of fire Here is B.
# No matter what they take from me # They can't take away my dignity # Because the greatest love of all Is happening to me Here is C.
# I wanna do great things # I don't wanna compromise # I wanna know what life is # I wanna try everything # I wanna do great things I don't wanna compromise Here is D.
# Today this could be The greatest day of our lives INAUDIBLE # Oh, and the world comes alive And the world comes alive And here is E.
# Oh, yes, I'm the great pretender # Just laughing and gay like a clown I seem to be what I'm not you see OK, there are our five excerpts.
Peter and Katy, you will go first here.
Which one are you going to go for? You can probably smell my brain burning at the moment because I You can't just go for the middle three.
I'm having a name problem here.
Um, I'm going to go with Great Balls of Fire, Jerry Lee Lewis.
Jerry Lee Lewis for A, you're going to say.
Now then, Michael and Paul.
Do you feel like talking us through the rest of those songs? Those artists? You are kidding? Having trained at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama, I have absolutely no idea.
Can I guess? Yes.
The last one, The Great Pretender, it just sort of made me think of Freddie Mercury.
So I'll have to go for that.
You're going to say Freddie Mercury? Yes.
OK.
So we have Jerry Lee Lewis and we have Freddie Mercury.
Now, Katy and Peter said Jerry Lee Lewis for the first one.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.
It is Jerry Lee Lewis.
And it is a good answer.
Look at that, down to ten, very well done indeed.
APPLAUSE Great score.
Michael and Paul, meanwhile, have gone for E and have said Freddie Mercury.
Let's see if that's right.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Freddie Mercury.
You're absolutely right, Paul, it is Freddie Mercury.
Wow.
Now, where is that going to finish up? Oh, 22.
APPLAUSE I knew this was going to be close.
Very well done indeed, Katy and Peter, you're back in the game.
It's exactly what we needed from you after two questions and it's one-all.
Yeah, there's only one answer up there that would have beaten either of those, actually.
We will get to that.
B is the biggest scorer, if we listen to it Whitney Houston, would have scored you 73.
C is the best answer.
One from our youth.
Echobelly.
Would have scored you two points, terrific song.
Oh, Echobelly.
And D.
It's Take That.
It's Take That, Greatest Day.
And that would have scored you 35.
There we are.
Thank you very much indeed.
OK, it all comes down to our decider.
This is the third question that will see one pair going home and the other pair going through to the final.
Best of luck to both pairs.
Our third question this evening is all about Remember it well.
That's all right, then! Richard.
Yeah, five clues now to events and people of 1848, one of the most significant dates in world history.
Often called the year of revolutions.
Can you tell us the most obscure answer to one of these five, please? Thank you very much indeed.
OK, let's review our five clues to the year 1848.
Here they are.
Let me read those again.
There we are.
Five clues to events of 1848.
Michael and Paul, you will go first.
Number four Thackeray? Shall I? Yeah.
Yes, we'll go for the novel by Thackeray, please.
Which we believe is Vanity Fair.
Vanity Fair, say Michael and Paul.
Now, Peter and Katy, do you want to talk us through that board? Well Obviously, Karl Marx is the second one.
You think of the California Gold Rush, don't you? Do you know any other ones? I'm not 100% sure.
It'll have to be Karl Marx.
You're going to go for Karl Marx.
So, we have Vanity Fair and we have Karl Marx.
Paul and Michael said Vanity Fair for the Thackeray novel.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.
It's absolutely right.
Down it goes to ten.
That's a great answer.
APPLAUSE Vanity Fair scoring ten.
Katy and Peter, meanwhile, have gone for Karl Marx for The Communist Manifesto.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Karl Marx.
It's also absolutely right.
Oh, it's going to be close.
Oh, 30! APPLAUSE Very well done indeed, Michael and Paul, after three questions you are through to the final 2-1.
Yeah, terrific head-to-head all round, well played everybody.
The top one, Louis Philippe, is France.
France.
Would have scored 35 points.
Now, these bottom two, there is an answer there that would have got you through.
If you had had to go for a Gold Rush state, what would you have gone for? Probably California.
California.
Is the correct answer, but would have scored you 25 points.
That's the good news.
And Rossetti and Millais and others formed this artistic brotherhood? Pre-Raphaelites.
Pre-Raphaelites, yes, and that was the best answer on the board.
Would have scored eight points.
Very well done if you said that at home.
Thank you very much indeed.
So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round, Peter and Katy, I'm afraid it is you.
This is where we say goodbye to Doctor Who.
It's been a fabulous having you with us.
Please come and play again with us any time you like.
Thank you.
It's been such a treat having you here.
Katy and Peter, everyone.
Brilliant.
APPLAUSE But for Michael and Paul, it is now time for our Pointless final.
APPLAUSE Congratulations, Michael and Paul, you've seen off all the competition and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.
Wow.
You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot for your charities.
Now, at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at APPLAUSE Can I just say, I never doubted Blake's 7 for a moment.
I knew you are going to win that.
Hands down, wonderful.
Now, anything you'd particularly like to see come up in this last round? Um, movies where we know everybody in it.
Perfect.
Yes.
I second that.
OK.
Well, you have to choose your category from the four we put up on the board.
We just have to hope there's something up there that doesn't send you running to the hills.
We have got on today's selection Do you want to go for Her Majesty, or do you want to go for? I know nothing about football as you know, having I know a bit about it.
.
.
played it once.
England Goalscorers, I know a few of those.
Yes, you do, don't you? Yeah.
Should we go for that, then? Should go for that? Are you sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did play football.
We'll go for England Goalscorers.
England Goalscorers.
OK, very best of luck, gents.
Got a chance here, I think.
It's one of those one that's quite tough in the 60 seconds, but they'll be names you know.
We're looking for the following, please.
We're looking for any man who has scored ten or more goals for England, for the internationals.
We're looking for any player since 1900 who scored an own goal while playing for England.
Or we're looking for any player who's ever scored a hat-trick for England.
So, ten or more goals, an own goal, or a hat-trick playing for the international men's England football team.
Very best of luck.
Thank you very much indeed.
Now, as always, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers, and all you need to win the jackpot is for just one of those answers to be pointless.
Are you ready? What? Yes.
I think so.
I think so, yes.
OK.
OK, I'm behind you.
Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.
There they are, your time starts now.
OK, well Ten or more goals for England.
It's fairly obvious, but Gary Lineker? And, I don't know who scored an own goal, I can't remember.
Well, we'll go down to hat-tricks, then, shall we? Yes.
It's Gary Lineker again.
Yes.
I second that.
Do you? PAUL LAUGHS And, well, there's the obvious one.
It's not going to be pointless though, is it? Erm Stanley Matthews.
Stanley Matthews, I think they'll know that.
I doubt that would be zero, will it? I wonder if people remember the World Cup.
Ten seconds left.
Should we do Geoff Hurst? Yes, Geoff Hurst.
Yup.
OK.
So we'll go for Geoff Hurst scoring a hat-trick.
OK, that is your time up.
I now need three answers from you.
What three can you give me from these categories? Gary Lineker scored more than ten goals.
OK, Gary Lineker is a top goal scorer.
And the hat-tricks, again, Gary Lineker.
Gary Lineker.
And Geoff Hurst.
And Geoff Hurst.
OK, of those three, which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer? I actually think people might not know about Gary Lineker scoring a hat-trick.
OK, so we So we'll put him last.
Put him last as a hat-trick scorer? Yes.
Of those three answers, which is the least likely to be pointless, do you think? The least likely is probably Geoff Hurst.
OK, Geoff Hurst, Gary Lineker, Gary Lineker is going to be the order of play.
Yes.
Not a bad forward line, is it? Not bad.
Not bad, I know - two Linekers up front, it's amazing.
OK, we'll put those answers up on the board in that order, then, and here they are.
We have got Very best of luck.
Now, if you were to win that jackpot with one of these answers, which charities do you play for? Michael.
Red Cross.
The Red Cross, excellent.
And Paul? The World Wildlife Fund.
Very good indeed.
APPLAUSE Two fabulous charities there.
Let us hope one of these answers will win that jackpot for your charities.
Geoff Hurst was your first answer.
This was the one you thought was probably least likely to be pointless, but if it is pointless, it will win ã2,500 for your charities.
We were looking for players who've scored a hat-trick for England.
How many of our 100 people said Geoff Hurst? It's right.
Now all that has to happen is for that line to take us all the way down to zero, and you will leave with ã2,500.
Geoff Hurst takes us down through the 20s, into the teens to 17.
APPLAUSE It's not a bad score.
Annoyingly, though, we only accept pointless answers in this final round, so we have to move on to your next answer, which was Gary Lineker.
In this case we were looking for any England player who scored ten or more goals.
If Gary Lineker is pointless, you leave here with ã2,500.
Let's see how many of our 100 people said Gary Lineker.
Gary Lineker is also absolutely right.
Geoff Hurst, your first answer, took us all the way down to 17.
Gary Lineker takes us down through the 20s Oh, 24 for Gary Lineker.
APPLAUSE 24 of our 100 people got Gary Lineker as a top goal scorer.
We now move to Gary Lineker in a different capacity.
This is Gary Lineker as a scorer of a hat-trick for England.
If this is pointless, you leave here with ã2,500.
This is the answer you thought was most likely to be pointless of your three.
Let's find out if you are right.
How many of our 100 people named Gary Lineker as a hat trick scorer? It's right.
Our 100 people are still going down.
It was 17 for our first answer Geoff Hurst.
24 for Gary Lineker in the first capacity.
APPLAUSE 23 for Gary Lineker in a hat-trick scoring capacity.
I'm afraid, therefore, you didn't manage to find that pointless answer you needed to win today's jackpot of ã2,500 for your charities.
However, as it's a celebrity special, we are going to donate ã500 to each of our celebrity pairs for their respective charities.
And don't forget you get to take home a Pointless trophy each, so very, very well done.
It's been such a pleasure having you on the show, Michael and Paul.
APPLAUSE Yeah, that 60 seconds goes awfully quickly, but during that 60 seconds there's another hat-trick scorer.
You did say Sir Stanley Matthews, and he would have been a pointless answer.
AUDIENCE GROANS Would have been a pointless answer.
Sorry.
Let's just go through this, shall we? We'll start with players that have scored ten or more goals.
Be lots of familiar names to you here.
Trevor Francis is a pointless answer, John Barnes, Johnny Haynes of Fulham is a pointless answer.
The Maestro, Paul Scholes.
You could've had Cliff Bastin, Danny Welbeck, Franny Lee, Jackie Milburn, Jermaine Defoe, Joe Cole, Mick Channon, Nat Lofthouse, Paul Mariner, Roger Hunt, Ron Flowers, Stan Mortenson, Tony Woodcock, Wilf Mannion, lots of pointless answers there.
Let's go on to the own goals.
It's a tougher one, the own goals, because you tend not to remember them quite so well, do we? Another Fulham hero on this list, George Cohen.
George Jordan Henderson, Phil YA-GIELKA, that's how we pronounce it now, rather than JA-GIELKA.
Tony Adams is a pointless answer.
Colin Todd, Eric Dier, Paul Parker, Phil Neal, Phil Thompson, a pointless answer.
Richard Wright, the goalkeeper, also a pointless answer.
There's only four people who scored points there, actually.
Gary Neville, Mark Wright, Jimmy Dickinson, and Bobby Moore.
Everyone else was pointless.
And those players who scored a hat-trick.
Bryan Robson, David Platt, Theo Wolcott, Tom Finney was a pointless answer.
You could have had Jackie Milburn, Jermaine Defoe again, Johnny Haynes again, Luther Blissett, Malcolm Macdonald, Roger Hunt again, Stan Mortenson again, Ted Drake, Terry Payne.
Lots of pointless answers there.
Very well done if you got one of those at home.
Thank you very much indeed, Richard.
And thank you so much, Michael and Paul.
It's been wonderful having you on the show.
Michael and Paul, everyone.
APPLAUSE Thank you.
Join us next time, when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.
Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.
Goodbye.
And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.
APPLAUSE