Supernatural s11e20 Episode Script
Don't Call Me Shurley
1 Dean: âSupernaturalâ by Carver Edlund.
Sam: What's Carver Edlund's real name? Chuck Shurley? Who gave you the rights to our life story?! One day, these books -- they'll be known as the Winchester Gospel.
Want to know what she is, Crowley? How about God's sister? He has relatives? So, what, she shows up, and everybody goes â28 Days Laterâ? This is Metatron.
Castiel: Scribe of God.
We have your grace.
You're mortal now.
The indignities! I'm looking for God.
He didn't feel the need to show up for the apocalypse.
He just doesn't think it's his problem.
Why would he give a crap now? I don't know, maybe because she's his sister.
All your chosen are suffering! Don't count on God! Count on us.
Maybe now He'll hear me.
[ Clanging .]
[ Panting .]
Oh! Pastrami maybe.
[ Whines .]
[ Barks .]
[ Whines .]
[ Sighs .]
[ Grunts .]
I give up! I-I love the colorful clothes she wears And she's already working on my brain Yeah, Toto.
I got a feeling we aren't on Earth anymore, either.
But I think of something I just can't explain And I'm picking up I'm picking up good vibrations Hello? She's giving me excitations I'm picking up good vibrations Good vibrations She's giving me excitations Excitations Carver Edlund? What the hell is going on here? What is this place? It's a bar.
Actually -- It's not just a bar, genius, this is one of the Big Man's constructs.
I'd know his work anywhere.
We were besties, you know.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say -- This is some kind of punishment, isn't it? For my sins.
A limbo where I get to spend eternity in a crappy bar with a hack writer.
Dude.
Sorry, Chuckles, not just any hack writer -- a Prophet of the Lord.
Give me a break.
And I wonder what she's picking up from me? Tell me at least the beer is real in here.
And I'm picking up I'm picking up good vibrations You really think I'm a hack? I have trudged through your complete oeuvre -- published and unpublished.
Of the metric ton of books I've read in my lifetime, âSupernaturalâ didn't even crack the top 10 thousand.
Respectfully.
You didn't like any of it? Mnh-mnh.
Not even âHomeâ? No.
Or âAll Hell Breaks Looseâ? Ugh! Way too much melodrama.
And then you put yourself in the story? God! Okay, that's fair.
Mildly constructive.
Still, it doesn't justify you burning one of my books, though.
[ Chuckles .]
What are you talking about? âTall Tales.
â You were monologuing it to Castiel, and you threw one in the fire.
How do you know about that? Oh, I'm sorry.
I always forget.
People can't see me unless I want them to see me.
[ Chuckling .]
It's very confusing.
Here, visual aid.
Put these on.
It will help.
Go on, just do it.
It's a whole thing.
[ Loud click .]
King of Kings And Lord of Lords You.
And he shall reign God.
Supernatural 11x20 Don't Call Me Shurley @elderman God.
You've come back.
[ Gasps .]
I can't believe you've come back.
I-I didn't mean what I said about âSupernatural.
â It's underrated -- due for a reboot.
And this bar -- it's not crappy at all.
It's just like the one in âCheers.
â Everybody knows my name! [ Click .]
And the lights are very forgiving.
Okay, yeah, please, all the kneeling and stuff, it's always made me deeply, deeply uncomfortable.
Just don't use the G-word, okay? Just -- Just call me Chuck.
Chuck? Chuck.
I think I need a stiffer drink.
[ Sighs .]
Oh, perfect.
We're gonna need our suits.
Tell me you got something on Amara.
Uh, it's a long shot, but clock's ticking, right? Whatever Amara's doing to Lucifer.
Yeah, beating on Cass in the meantime.
Yeah.
Uh, Hope Springs, Idaho.
A guy named Wes Cooper killed himself after killing a co-worker.
According to the reports, though, nobody knows why.
Apparently, he was a perfectly happy guy, and then snap.
So, what, possession? Or he was soulless.
It ain't much, but given what we've got, I'll take it.
Yeah.
There you go.
Thanks.
[ Sniffs .]
Dude, quit ironing my shirts with beer! [ Sighs .]
So, what you been up to? Oh, I've been super busy.
Yeah, I traveled.
Mm-hmm.
I started a blog.
Mostly just pictures of cats.
Oh.
They're so cute.
And, uh -- Oh, I signed up for Snapchat.
A-And I started a new series of books.
Yeah.
âRevolution.
â But I don't think it's going anywhere.
âRevolutionâ? Yeah.
âSupernatural.
â Maybe titles aren't your thing.
You're not wrong.
But why did you put on the Chuck suit in the first place? How did that make any sense to you? I like front-row seats.
You know, I figured I'd hide out in plain sight.
You know, plus, you know, acting is fun.
Wellit's an Oscar-worthy performance.
Buthow did nobody know? I mean, w-what about that amulet thingy? Y-You told me about it, some silly charm that burned brightly in the presence of you.
You mean this? Yes! Dean had it.
And your fav -- Castiel.
They were around you.
How did it never -- I turned it off.
See? [ Click .]
When I'm not home I should really put this away.
[ Chuckles .]
You'll never guess where this thing has been this entire time.
Look, I don't care about that ugly old thing or why you were slumming it with the plebes.
Let's brass some tacks already, okay? Oh, when you're home and you know you're all alone You see and hear all.
You know what an absolute piece of garbage I've been the last couple of years.
If your mama wanna visit us Did you bring me here to destroy me? Tell her I get home 'bout the break a day You know what humanity's greatest creation has been? So, tell her to please stay away Music.
That and nacho cheese.
Even I couldn't have dreamt up that deliciousness.
But music is magic.
A lot of remarkable music was created in this space.
B.
G.
's Canteen.
Now, it's not as well-known as the Bitter End or the Gaslight, but some amazing musicians got their start on this stage.
I'm hoping that you and I can tap into some of that old magic and finish what I started a few months ago.
You might feel a little sick, baby And you know you're home all alone You wrote your autobiography.
Ish.
I mean, there are chapters, it's kind of a loose structure, uh, but, I don't know, something's missing.
I'm -- I'm stuck.
You want to get the old band back together.
Lennon and McCartney ride again.
Well, I'm kind of Lennon and McCartney, so But every writer needs a good editor.
I did some of my best work with you, Metatron.
Does this mean I get to be an angel again? [ Laughing .]
Yeah, right.
No, no, that's never -- never happening.
That's probably a good call.
I think so.
Oh, when you're home and you know you're all alone Well let's do this.
Mac: Appreciate the FBI taking an interest in this case.
We don't really see things like this around here.
Hey, you mind if I knock off, Sheriff? Let me guess -- Art's back? Newlyweds.
[ Chuckles .]
You can head home after you show Agent Greer the M.
E.
files.
Thank you, Sir.
Thanks.
What do you have on Wes Cooper? I talked to his friends, family.
Nobody can make heads or tails of why he did this.
We have a witness who overheard Wes before he took his own life.
He was saying things that sounded out of character.
Yeah? How so? Wes said that his life was meaningless, nobody loved him.
It was like every negative thought he had ever had came spilling out.
The thing is I knew Wes' wife.
We sang in choir together.
She loved Wes till the day she died.
I don't know why he'd say anything like that.
And then there's this.
Hold on a second.
I've actually seen something like that before.
Deputy, tell me, have you noticed any strange phenomena around town? Uh, sulfur smells or power outages? Maybe an unexplained fog? No, sir.
It's always sunny in Hope Springs.
At least, it used to be.
Are you in a hurry or something? I'm on a bit of a deadline.
Just give me some broad strokes, first impressions.
Come on, hit me.
It's good.
Real good.
Oh, man.
You hate it.
What? No.
I love it.
Love it.
Last time I saw that look on an editor's face, I'd just handed in âBugsâ" All right, come on.
Safe place.
Details are what make a story great.
This is lacking in some details.
Like all of them.
âIn the beginning, there was me.
â Boom -- detail.
And what a grabber.
I mean, I'm hooked, and I was there.
I'm hooked, too, and yet details.
You weren't alone in the beginning.
Your sister was with you.
Who cares about her? Um mefor starters.
I assume you're aware that she's out and about.
Tanned, rested, and ready.
I mean, that's why you're back, right? This isn't her story.
It's mine.
[ Engine shuts off .]
Hey.
I thought you were coming home early.
I'm sorry.
Paperwork.
That follow you in from town? Honey, you want to head inside while I call this in? It's just fog.
Hey, you know I'm the law, right? See you inside, Deputy.
Don't forget your cuffs.
Hey, dispatch, this is 3-William-56.
You got your ears on? Dispatcher: Aren't you done for today, Deputy? I am.
Listen, I know this might sound odd, but there's a heavy fog headed my way.
We expecting any weather like that? No, it's supposed to be clear skies all night.
[ Coughing .]
[ Gasping .]
[ Speaks indistinctly .]
[ Cue ball clacks .]
That bad? I'll tell you, there's some great bones in there.
I'm thinking what's missing -- maybe less about detail and more about balance.
How do you mean? You're giving the wrong stuff too much real estate.
Like that chapter about being Chuck.
Mm-hmm.
And what about it? Once you've explained the Vonnegut performance art that should be it.
No one cares about the rest.
I did some great stuff as Chuck.
I mean, I-I told you about my blog.
Oh.
Oh, right, yeah.
Right.
Your, uh -- Your cat-pic blog.
Yeah, they're super cute.
Yeah.
So there's that.
And, uh, I traveled a lot, you know.
Right.
And, uh, I dated.
Yeah, I had some girlfriends.
Mm.
Had a few boyfriends.
Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
Oh! And I learned how to play guitar.
[ Guitar strumming .]
Hmm.
Yeah.
That, you know, makes you seem like a really grounded, likable person.
Yeah, what's wrong with that? You are neither grounded nor a person! So you're saying I'm likable.
No, no.
I am saying the chapter âChuckleâ" is devouring pounds of pages at the expense of juicier stuff.
Stuff that people might actually want to read.
Like what? Well, like, uh Like the archangels.
I mean, you have got maybe two paragraphs on them in here.
And that's it! Don't you think they deserve a few extra words? Especially your favorite -- Lucifer? He wasn't my favorite.
Oh.
He helped you defeat Amara.
You trusted him with the mark.
And when you asked him to bow to mankind -- He refused.
He rebelled! And in doing so, kind of wrecked Christmas.
Okay, all that's in there.
Except the -- the bit about Christmas.
If you say that Amara is off limits, fine.
But you know every great hero is defined by his or her villain.
Lucifer was not a villain.
He -- He's H-He wasn't a villain.
Okay.
Real talk.
Th-This is still a safe place, right? Safest place ever created.
Okay.
There are two types of memoir.
One is honest the other, not so much.
Truth and fairy tale.
Now, do you want to write âLifeâ by Keith Richards? Or do you want to write âWouldn't It Be Niceâ by Brian Wilson? I want to tell the truth.
Then you've got some work to do.
There are no revelations in this book! And that's weird, given who you are.
There's no new information, no soul-bearing.
That's because I don't have a soul.
Right! But you invented them.
You invented souls! Souls! Try shining a light on that.
How did that make you feel? Nauseous.
Oh! [ Groans .]
You know what?! No.
That is not G-O-D talking.
That's Chuck talking.
And I get it -- when you were on Earth, you had to go full method.
Well, it's time for you to get back into character.
This is me.
Really? This -- This pile of self-doubt and nebbishness flooded the Earth? Followed up Sodom with a blockbuster Gomorrah? Created as much as he punished? No! Unh-unh! The guy I worked for -- total badass! And yes, he could be a dick.
Now, that guy had some stories to tell.
And he has a lot to answer for.
Okay, so [ Clears throat .]
what do I do? Hold up a mirror and show us who you are.
Warts and all.
Write for an audience of one -- you.
Dance like no one else is watching.
Yeah.
I'm gonna help you either way.
But you've got to pick a lane.
Richards or Wilson, Chuck? Richards -- all the way.
[ Police radio chatter .]
[ Engine shuts off .]
[ Car doors close .]
Sorry I woke you boys.
No, no, it's all right.
Just, uh, why don't you tell us what happened here? Harris didn't show up for work this morning.
We called, tried her CB, nothing.
So I swung by here.
I found Art on the kitchen floor, Harris' shotgun right next to him.
She It looks like Deputy Harris shot her husband point-blank in the face, then left the scene.
Did you notice anything off about Deputy Harris' behavior the last couple days? No.
Nothing at all.
When was the last time anyone heard from her? Called in for the last time yesterday.
Said something about seeing some fog rolling in.
I don't know why she cared about the damn weather.
Would you get in contact with your dispatch officer? Tell her to let us know if she gets any more reports like that again.
You serious? Yeah, just to be safe.
And do you have any idea where Harris might be now? No.
But we can track her vehicle from our office.
Ooh, the storm is threatnin' My very life today [ Laughs .]
If I don't get me some shelter Oh! [ Chuckles .]
Oh, this! This is what I was talking about.
âChapter 10 -- Why I Never Answer Prayers, and You Should Be Glad I Don't.
â And chapter 11 -- âThe Truth About Divine intervention and Why I Avoid It at All Costs.
â Better, right? It's gold! Kind of angry with a side of bitter, but, hey, it's real.
Now not to overstep my bounds, but since you're on a roll, there's one thing that I've always wondered.
Maybe it will make a good chapter, maybe even a whole book.
Shoot.
Why? My very street today Can you be more specific? I kind of get that question a lot about pretty much everything.
Why did you create life? Or I think I'm gonna fade away War, children I was lonely.
It's just a shot away Your sister wasn't company enough? It's just a shot away I am being.
She's nothingness.
It's not exactly the makings of a fun two-hander, you know? Yeah.
But you didn't stop at one archangel or a handful of angels.
You created worlds.
I was stupid.
Naive.
I thought if I could show my sister that there was something more than just us, something better than us, then maybe she'd change.
Maybe she'd stop beingher.
But every time I'd build a new world she'd destroy it.
So you and your archangels locked her away? And you got down to unfettered creation.
Tried to, anyway.
But this was as close as I got to something as good as or better than me or my sister.
The National Park system? Nature.
I mean, look what nature created on its own.
What's more, nature's smart enough to know that sometimes, there's no fixing things.
Sometimes you just have to wipe the slate clean.
Wipe the slate clean.
Sure.
Natural selection.
Good times.
Of course, in your case, that means flood the Earth, but build and stock a boat.
Start over fresh on the B-side.
If Amara wipes the slate, the slate's destroyed.
Everything is destroyed.
All your great work lost forever.
We should take a stroll, then.
Enjoy it all one last time before it's all gone.
[ Telephone rings .]
[ Keyboard keys clacking .]
Mac: I can't make heads or tails.
Harris is was our computer person.
Can I give it a shot? Sheriff? Matt and Emmy just called in.
They said they saw some fog rolling in by Jasper Hills.
Did they say where it was headed? West towards town.
Okay, call them back, tell them to get inside, shut their windows or doors and seal it up, and stay the hell away from that fog.
Then get the word out to everybody in town they need to do the same damn thing.
Mac: Hold on.
What are you talking about? My partner and I have seen this before, okay? Wes, Deputy Harris were infected by something in this fog.
Now, I know it sounds crazy -- No, it sounds like we should call the CDC.
There's no time for that.
Found Deputy Harris.
She's on Main Street, heading right this way.
All right, we'll handle Harris.
Just please, get the word out, tell everybody they need to stay inside, seal up their windows, their doors -- everything.
Do it.
[ Engine idling .]
Hey, get them out of here.
Agent Greer, FBI.
I need you to get inside immediately.
Go.
Harris: [ Breathing heavily .]
I tried to kill myself.
But she won't let me.
She has a message -- for you, Dean Winchester.
Amara? Is she here? No.
But her words have been echoing in my head every since I took a breath of that fog.
Did she tell you to kill your husband? And I watched myself do it.
Okay, listen to me, this is an infection.
Put the gun down.
Let us help you.
It's not an infection.
She says it's a mirror.
She's showing us all the truth.
Darkness.
The light was just a lie.
[ Gunshots .]
[ Gasps, grunts .]
It will all be over soon.
He's not gonna save them.
It's all going away forever.
But not you, Dean.
[ Wind howling .]
Dean? Dean! Nature? Divine.
Human nature -- toxic.
They do like blowing stuff up.
Yeah.
And the worst part -- they do it in my name.
And then they come crying to me, asking me to forgive, to fix things.
Never taking any responsibility.
What about your responsibility? I took responsibility by leaving.
At a certain point, training wheels got to come off.
No one likes a helicopter parent.
What about Amara? She's your sister.
I took responsibility for her, too.
Locked her away -- barely, I might add.
And who let her out? Sam and Dean Winchester, but they're trying to fix that.
You know I love those guys, but the world would still be spinning with Demon Dean in it.
But Sam couldn't have that, though, could he? And so how is Amara being out on me? It's not.
But you helped the Winchesters before.
Helped them?! I've saved them! I've rebuilt Castiel more times than I can remember.
Look where that got me.
So you're just gonna let Amara win? Eh it's her time to shine.
Then why the hell are we working on your stupid memoir?! [ Thunder rumbles .]
You think it's stupid? No, I think it's stupid to write a book nobody is gonna be around to read! You told me to write for an audience of one -- me.
And I think we're finally getting somewhere.
You started writing the second she came back, didn't you? No wonder you're on a deadline! Now I understand why you're masquerading in that sad little meat suit! For the same reason you created this nostalgic bar to write your masterpiece in -- you're hiding! Okay.
First of all, this gift is super cute.
Secondly, I'm not hiding.
I just like the ambiance in here.
You said the safest place ever created.
Created by you to keep you safe from Amara! She can't touch you in here, can she? You're upset.
I-I understand.
And it's good to let it out.
But, uh, let's focus on, uh, finishing my book.
You know, I was a crappy, terrible god.
My work was pretty much a lame, half-assed rewrite of your greatest hits.
But at least I was never a coward.
[ Grunts .]
[ Groans .]
[ Sighs .]
[ Chuckles .]
[ Panting .]
There he is.
That's the guy I know, the guy I love.
I remember the first time I saw you.
All the angels were terrified, but I wasn't.
The feeling of your light was was just beyond measure.
And then the unthinkable.
You picked me to help you with your tablets.
You were just the closest angel to the door when I walked into the room.
There's nothing special about you, Metatron.
Not then not now.
Now I've been called many things -- absentee father, wrathful monster.
But coward I am not hiding.
I am just done watching my experiments' failures.
You mean your failures, Chuck.
You want to watch? Be my guest.
Reports are that there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but as we know, a dense fog did roll in.
And many citizens also are feeling some sort of impact from this fog leads us to believe that there is some sort of If you ask me, they're all reruns.
have been overwhelmed as the National Guard has been brought in.
Hey, you got to go.
Get! Hey, sweetheart.
Okay, we're gonna get you out of here.
We're gonna get you safe, okay? Don't you worry, okay? Give me your hands.
Oh.
Thank you so much.
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
What the hell's going on? Just get out of here, okay? What's this fog doing? Just get inside now! Go, go! Come on.
Sam, Sam.
[ Coughing .]
Let them go! Agent Ehart? Radio's dead.
You have any duct tape? [ Wind whistling .]
[ Coughing .]
Sam? Sam?! Sheriff, let's see if we can't fix that radio of yours.
[ Wind whistling .]
Dean? [ Wind whistling .]
[ Indistinct shouting in distance .]
You hear that? [ Shouting continues .]
[ Glass shatters .]
[ Shouting intensifies .]
[ Grunting .]
[ Glass shatters .]
Dean.
[ Gasps .]
[ Crying .]
[ Grunting .]
Sam! Mac: Folks, we need to stay together, okay? Sam? [ Grunts .]
No, no, get back! Don't! [ Gasps .]
My God, he's infected.
Everybody, get inside! Everybody.
[ Crying .]
[ Coughing .]
Come on.
Let's move.
Come on.
[ Coughing .]
[ Banging, indistinct shouting .]
Come on! Let's go! Get in here! No, I'm not leaving my brother.
You know, you really are a terrific editor, Metatron.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, I was a terrible writer.
A worse god.
It's good I got something going for me.
Yeah, you know, I have to say, I didn't see the whole evil-turn thing coming.
Mm-hmm.
[ Chuckling .]
Why did you try to be me? That was just a sad, pathetic cry for attention.
[ Chuckling .]
Whose attention were you trying to get? Yours.
You are light and beauty.
Creation.
Wrath.
Damnation and salvation.
And I don't care if I was just the angel nearest the door.
[ Voice breaking .]
You picked me.
Your light shined on me -- me! Oh, and the warmth.
But then you left me.
You left all of us.
It wasn't just the saps on Earth who were praying to you.
The angels prayed, too.
And so did I -- every day.
I know.
You want to write the best-selling autobiography of all time, you explain to me -- tell me why you abandoned me.
Us.
Because you disappointed me.
You all disappointed me.
No, look.
I know I'm a disappointment, but you're wrong about humanity.
They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are.
Yeah, sure, they're weak and they cheat and steal anddestroy and disappoint.
But they also give and create and they sing and dance and love.
And above all, they never give up.
But you do.
[ Clears throat .]
[ Sighs .]
[ Indistinct shouting .]
[ Wind whistling .]
[ Grunts .]
[ Coughing .]
Sam! [ Banging .]
[ Gasps .]
Hey, listen to me! Sam! We're not gonna make it.
No, no, no.
There's no quitting here.
We're never gonna make it.
Sam, listen to me.
That's not you talking, it's the fog.
You were gonna choose Amara over me.
Over everything.
Sam, no! Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that, Dean.
I can't fight this.
You got to go.
You got to get out before you're infected.
Go before I hurt you! No, I'm not leaving you -- ever! [ Grunting .]
Okay.
[ Inhales deeply .]
[ Indistinct shouting .]
[ Banging .]
Stop this! You hear me, you dick?! [ Shouting, banging continues .]
[ Shouting, banging stops .]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Hey, hey, look at me.
Look at me.
I'm right here.
I'm right here.
Okay, it's okay.
It's all right.
I'm right here.
I'm right here.
[ Sighs .]
[ Chuckles .]
[ Papers rustling .]
[ Clears throat .]
[ Sighs .]
Oh! Yeah.
Ahh.
You know, I lied before.
I didn't really learn to play guitar.
I just kind of gave myself the ability.
I did the same when I âlearnedâ French.
Man, this whole honesty thing -- it's really freeing.
Come on.
Take a look at the new pages.
You know you want to.
I think I'll pass.
[ High-pitched voice .]
I think you're really gonna like them.
[ Feedback .]
[ Clears throat .]
You're right.
It -- It's a little high.
[ Clears throat .]
All right.
Suit yourself.
If I had wings Like Noah's dove I'd fly up the river To the one I love Fare thee well Oh, honey Fare thee well I knew a man Who was long and tall He moved his body Like a cannonball Oh, fare thee well Oh, honey Fare thee well Remember one night In the drizzling rain And around my heart I felt an aching pain Fare thee well Oh, honey Fare thee well, mm-mm One of these days It won't be long You'll call my name And I'll be gone Fare thee well Oh, honey Fare thee well [ Gasps .]
Fare thee well You okay? Thanks.
Mom! [ Sighs .]
We should probably talk.
@elderman
Sam: What's Carver Edlund's real name? Chuck Shurley? Who gave you the rights to our life story?! One day, these books -- they'll be known as the Winchester Gospel.
Want to know what she is, Crowley? How about God's sister? He has relatives? So, what, she shows up, and everybody goes â28 Days Laterâ? This is Metatron.
Castiel: Scribe of God.
We have your grace.
You're mortal now.
The indignities! I'm looking for God.
He didn't feel the need to show up for the apocalypse.
He just doesn't think it's his problem.
Why would he give a crap now? I don't know, maybe because she's his sister.
All your chosen are suffering! Don't count on God! Count on us.
Maybe now He'll hear me.
[ Clanging .]
[ Panting .]
Oh! Pastrami maybe.
[ Whines .]
[ Barks .]
[ Whines .]
[ Sighs .]
[ Grunts .]
I give up! I-I love the colorful clothes she wears And she's already working on my brain Yeah, Toto.
I got a feeling we aren't on Earth anymore, either.
But I think of something I just can't explain And I'm picking up I'm picking up good vibrations Hello? She's giving me excitations I'm picking up good vibrations Good vibrations She's giving me excitations Excitations Carver Edlund? What the hell is going on here? What is this place? It's a bar.
Actually -- It's not just a bar, genius, this is one of the Big Man's constructs.
I'd know his work anywhere.
We were besties, you know.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say -- This is some kind of punishment, isn't it? For my sins.
A limbo where I get to spend eternity in a crappy bar with a hack writer.
Dude.
Sorry, Chuckles, not just any hack writer -- a Prophet of the Lord.
Give me a break.
And I wonder what she's picking up from me? Tell me at least the beer is real in here.
And I'm picking up I'm picking up good vibrations You really think I'm a hack? I have trudged through your complete oeuvre -- published and unpublished.
Of the metric ton of books I've read in my lifetime, âSupernaturalâ didn't even crack the top 10 thousand.
Respectfully.
You didn't like any of it? Mnh-mnh.
Not even âHomeâ? No.
Or âAll Hell Breaks Looseâ? Ugh! Way too much melodrama.
And then you put yourself in the story? God! Okay, that's fair.
Mildly constructive.
Still, it doesn't justify you burning one of my books, though.
[ Chuckles .]
What are you talking about? âTall Tales.
â You were monologuing it to Castiel, and you threw one in the fire.
How do you know about that? Oh, I'm sorry.
I always forget.
People can't see me unless I want them to see me.
[ Chuckling .]
It's very confusing.
Here, visual aid.
Put these on.
It will help.
Go on, just do it.
It's a whole thing.
[ Loud click .]
King of Kings And Lord of Lords You.
And he shall reign God.
Supernatural 11x20 Don't Call Me Shurley @elderman God.
You've come back.
[ Gasps .]
I can't believe you've come back.
I-I didn't mean what I said about âSupernatural.
â It's underrated -- due for a reboot.
And this bar -- it's not crappy at all.
It's just like the one in âCheers.
â Everybody knows my name! [ Click .]
And the lights are very forgiving.
Okay, yeah, please, all the kneeling and stuff, it's always made me deeply, deeply uncomfortable.
Just don't use the G-word, okay? Just -- Just call me Chuck.
Chuck? Chuck.
I think I need a stiffer drink.
[ Sighs .]
Oh, perfect.
We're gonna need our suits.
Tell me you got something on Amara.
Uh, it's a long shot, but clock's ticking, right? Whatever Amara's doing to Lucifer.
Yeah, beating on Cass in the meantime.
Yeah.
Uh, Hope Springs, Idaho.
A guy named Wes Cooper killed himself after killing a co-worker.
According to the reports, though, nobody knows why.
Apparently, he was a perfectly happy guy, and then snap.
So, what, possession? Or he was soulless.
It ain't much, but given what we've got, I'll take it.
Yeah.
There you go.
Thanks.
[ Sniffs .]
Dude, quit ironing my shirts with beer! [ Sighs .]
So, what you been up to? Oh, I've been super busy.
Yeah, I traveled.
Mm-hmm.
I started a blog.
Mostly just pictures of cats.
Oh.
They're so cute.
And, uh -- Oh, I signed up for Snapchat.
A-And I started a new series of books.
Yeah.
âRevolution.
â But I don't think it's going anywhere.
âRevolutionâ? Yeah.
âSupernatural.
â Maybe titles aren't your thing.
You're not wrong.
But why did you put on the Chuck suit in the first place? How did that make any sense to you? I like front-row seats.
You know, I figured I'd hide out in plain sight.
You know, plus, you know, acting is fun.
Wellit's an Oscar-worthy performance.
Buthow did nobody know? I mean, w-what about that amulet thingy? Y-You told me about it, some silly charm that burned brightly in the presence of you.
You mean this? Yes! Dean had it.
And your fav -- Castiel.
They were around you.
How did it never -- I turned it off.
See? [ Click .]
When I'm not home I should really put this away.
[ Chuckles .]
You'll never guess where this thing has been this entire time.
Look, I don't care about that ugly old thing or why you were slumming it with the plebes.
Let's brass some tacks already, okay? Oh, when you're home and you know you're all alone You see and hear all.
You know what an absolute piece of garbage I've been the last couple of years.
If your mama wanna visit us Did you bring me here to destroy me? Tell her I get home 'bout the break a day You know what humanity's greatest creation has been? So, tell her to please stay away Music.
That and nacho cheese.
Even I couldn't have dreamt up that deliciousness.
But music is magic.
A lot of remarkable music was created in this space.
B.
G.
's Canteen.
Now, it's not as well-known as the Bitter End or the Gaslight, but some amazing musicians got their start on this stage.
I'm hoping that you and I can tap into some of that old magic and finish what I started a few months ago.
You might feel a little sick, baby And you know you're home all alone You wrote your autobiography.
Ish.
I mean, there are chapters, it's kind of a loose structure, uh, but, I don't know, something's missing.
I'm -- I'm stuck.
You want to get the old band back together.
Lennon and McCartney ride again.
Well, I'm kind of Lennon and McCartney, so But every writer needs a good editor.
I did some of my best work with you, Metatron.
Does this mean I get to be an angel again? [ Laughing .]
Yeah, right.
No, no, that's never -- never happening.
That's probably a good call.
I think so.
Oh, when you're home and you know you're all alone Well let's do this.
Mac: Appreciate the FBI taking an interest in this case.
We don't really see things like this around here.
Hey, you mind if I knock off, Sheriff? Let me guess -- Art's back? Newlyweds.
[ Chuckles .]
You can head home after you show Agent Greer the M.
E.
files.
Thank you, Sir.
Thanks.
What do you have on Wes Cooper? I talked to his friends, family.
Nobody can make heads or tails of why he did this.
We have a witness who overheard Wes before he took his own life.
He was saying things that sounded out of character.
Yeah? How so? Wes said that his life was meaningless, nobody loved him.
It was like every negative thought he had ever had came spilling out.
The thing is I knew Wes' wife.
We sang in choir together.
She loved Wes till the day she died.
I don't know why he'd say anything like that.
And then there's this.
Hold on a second.
I've actually seen something like that before.
Deputy, tell me, have you noticed any strange phenomena around town? Uh, sulfur smells or power outages? Maybe an unexplained fog? No, sir.
It's always sunny in Hope Springs.
At least, it used to be.
Are you in a hurry or something? I'm on a bit of a deadline.
Just give me some broad strokes, first impressions.
Come on, hit me.
It's good.
Real good.
Oh, man.
You hate it.
What? No.
I love it.
Love it.
Last time I saw that look on an editor's face, I'd just handed in âBugsâ" All right, come on.
Safe place.
Details are what make a story great.
This is lacking in some details.
Like all of them.
âIn the beginning, there was me.
â Boom -- detail.
And what a grabber.
I mean, I'm hooked, and I was there.
I'm hooked, too, and yet details.
You weren't alone in the beginning.
Your sister was with you.
Who cares about her? Um mefor starters.
I assume you're aware that she's out and about.
Tanned, rested, and ready.
I mean, that's why you're back, right? This isn't her story.
It's mine.
[ Engine shuts off .]
Hey.
I thought you were coming home early.
I'm sorry.
Paperwork.
That follow you in from town? Honey, you want to head inside while I call this in? It's just fog.
Hey, you know I'm the law, right? See you inside, Deputy.
Don't forget your cuffs.
Hey, dispatch, this is 3-William-56.
You got your ears on? Dispatcher: Aren't you done for today, Deputy? I am.
Listen, I know this might sound odd, but there's a heavy fog headed my way.
We expecting any weather like that? No, it's supposed to be clear skies all night.
[ Coughing .]
[ Gasping .]
[ Speaks indistinctly .]
[ Cue ball clacks .]
That bad? I'll tell you, there's some great bones in there.
I'm thinking what's missing -- maybe less about detail and more about balance.
How do you mean? You're giving the wrong stuff too much real estate.
Like that chapter about being Chuck.
Mm-hmm.
And what about it? Once you've explained the Vonnegut performance art that should be it.
No one cares about the rest.
I did some great stuff as Chuck.
I mean, I-I told you about my blog.
Oh.
Oh, right, yeah.
Right.
Your, uh -- Your cat-pic blog.
Yeah, they're super cute.
Yeah.
So there's that.
And, uh, I traveled a lot, you know.
Right.
And, uh, I dated.
Yeah, I had some girlfriends.
Mm.
Had a few boyfriends.
Oh.
[ Chuckles .]
Oh! And I learned how to play guitar.
[ Guitar strumming .]
Hmm.
Yeah.
That, you know, makes you seem like a really grounded, likable person.
Yeah, what's wrong with that? You are neither grounded nor a person! So you're saying I'm likable.
No, no.
I am saying the chapter âChuckleâ" is devouring pounds of pages at the expense of juicier stuff.
Stuff that people might actually want to read.
Like what? Well, like, uh Like the archangels.
I mean, you have got maybe two paragraphs on them in here.
And that's it! Don't you think they deserve a few extra words? Especially your favorite -- Lucifer? He wasn't my favorite.
Oh.
He helped you defeat Amara.
You trusted him with the mark.
And when you asked him to bow to mankind -- He refused.
He rebelled! And in doing so, kind of wrecked Christmas.
Okay, all that's in there.
Except the -- the bit about Christmas.
If you say that Amara is off limits, fine.
But you know every great hero is defined by his or her villain.
Lucifer was not a villain.
He -- He's H-He wasn't a villain.
Okay.
Real talk.
Th-This is still a safe place, right? Safest place ever created.
Okay.
There are two types of memoir.
One is honest the other, not so much.
Truth and fairy tale.
Now, do you want to write âLifeâ by Keith Richards? Or do you want to write âWouldn't It Be Niceâ by Brian Wilson? I want to tell the truth.
Then you've got some work to do.
There are no revelations in this book! And that's weird, given who you are.
There's no new information, no soul-bearing.
That's because I don't have a soul.
Right! But you invented them.
You invented souls! Souls! Try shining a light on that.
How did that make you feel? Nauseous.
Oh! [ Groans .]
You know what?! No.
That is not G-O-D talking.
That's Chuck talking.
And I get it -- when you were on Earth, you had to go full method.
Well, it's time for you to get back into character.
This is me.
Really? This -- This pile of self-doubt and nebbishness flooded the Earth? Followed up Sodom with a blockbuster Gomorrah? Created as much as he punished? No! Unh-unh! The guy I worked for -- total badass! And yes, he could be a dick.
Now, that guy had some stories to tell.
And he has a lot to answer for.
Okay, so [ Clears throat .]
what do I do? Hold up a mirror and show us who you are.
Warts and all.
Write for an audience of one -- you.
Dance like no one else is watching.
Yeah.
I'm gonna help you either way.
But you've got to pick a lane.
Richards or Wilson, Chuck? Richards -- all the way.
[ Police radio chatter .]
[ Engine shuts off .]
[ Car doors close .]
Sorry I woke you boys.
No, no, it's all right.
Just, uh, why don't you tell us what happened here? Harris didn't show up for work this morning.
We called, tried her CB, nothing.
So I swung by here.
I found Art on the kitchen floor, Harris' shotgun right next to him.
She It looks like Deputy Harris shot her husband point-blank in the face, then left the scene.
Did you notice anything off about Deputy Harris' behavior the last couple days? No.
Nothing at all.
When was the last time anyone heard from her? Called in for the last time yesterday.
Said something about seeing some fog rolling in.
I don't know why she cared about the damn weather.
Would you get in contact with your dispatch officer? Tell her to let us know if she gets any more reports like that again.
You serious? Yeah, just to be safe.
And do you have any idea where Harris might be now? No.
But we can track her vehicle from our office.
Ooh, the storm is threatnin' My very life today [ Laughs .]
If I don't get me some shelter Oh! [ Chuckles .]
Oh, this! This is what I was talking about.
âChapter 10 -- Why I Never Answer Prayers, and You Should Be Glad I Don't.
â And chapter 11 -- âThe Truth About Divine intervention and Why I Avoid It at All Costs.
â Better, right? It's gold! Kind of angry with a side of bitter, but, hey, it's real.
Now not to overstep my bounds, but since you're on a roll, there's one thing that I've always wondered.
Maybe it will make a good chapter, maybe even a whole book.
Shoot.
Why? My very street today Can you be more specific? I kind of get that question a lot about pretty much everything.
Why did you create life? Or I think I'm gonna fade away War, children I was lonely.
It's just a shot away Your sister wasn't company enough? It's just a shot away I am being.
She's nothingness.
It's not exactly the makings of a fun two-hander, you know? Yeah.
But you didn't stop at one archangel or a handful of angels.
You created worlds.
I was stupid.
Naive.
I thought if I could show my sister that there was something more than just us, something better than us, then maybe she'd change.
Maybe she'd stop beingher.
But every time I'd build a new world she'd destroy it.
So you and your archangels locked her away? And you got down to unfettered creation.
Tried to, anyway.
But this was as close as I got to something as good as or better than me or my sister.
The National Park system? Nature.
I mean, look what nature created on its own.
What's more, nature's smart enough to know that sometimes, there's no fixing things.
Sometimes you just have to wipe the slate clean.
Wipe the slate clean.
Sure.
Natural selection.
Good times.
Of course, in your case, that means flood the Earth, but build and stock a boat.
Start over fresh on the B-side.
If Amara wipes the slate, the slate's destroyed.
Everything is destroyed.
All your great work lost forever.
We should take a stroll, then.
Enjoy it all one last time before it's all gone.
[ Telephone rings .]
[ Keyboard keys clacking .]
Mac: I can't make heads or tails.
Harris is was our computer person.
Can I give it a shot? Sheriff? Matt and Emmy just called in.
They said they saw some fog rolling in by Jasper Hills.
Did they say where it was headed? West towards town.
Okay, call them back, tell them to get inside, shut their windows or doors and seal it up, and stay the hell away from that fog.
Then get the word out to everybody in town they need to do the same damn thing.
Mac: Hold on.
What are you talking about? My partner and I have seen this before, okay? Wes, Deputy Harris were infected by something in this fog.
Now, I know it sounds crazy -- No, it sounds like we should call the CDC.
There's no time for that.
Found Deputy Harris.
She's on Main Street, heading right this way.
All right, we'll handle Harris.
Just please, get the word out, tell everybody they need to stay inside, seal up their windows, their doors -- everything.
Do it.
[ Engine idling .]
Hey, get them out of here.
Agent Greer, FBI.
I need you to get inside immediately.
Go.
Harris: [ Breathing heavily .]
I tried to kill myself.
But she won't let me.
She has a message -- for you, Dean Winchester.
Amara? Is she here? No.
But her words have been echoing in my head every since I took a breath of that fog.
Did she tell you to kill your husband? And I watched myself do it.
Okay, listen to me, this is an infection.
Put the gun down.
Let us help you.
It's not an infection.
She says it's a mirror.
She's showing us all the truth.
Darkness.
The light was just a lie.
[ Gunshots .]
[ Gasps, grunts .]
It will all be over soon.
He's not gonna save them.
It's all going away forever.
But not you, Dean.
[ Wind howling .]
Dean? Dean! Nature? Divine.
Human nature -- toxic.
They do like blowing stuff up.
Yeah.
And the worst part -- they do it in my name.
And then they come crying to me, asking me to forgive, to fix things.
Never taking any responsibility.
What about your responsibility? I took responsibility by leaving.
At a certain point, training wheels got to come off.
No one likes a helicopter parent.
What about Amara? She's your sister.
I took responsibility for her, too.
Locked her away -- barely, I might add.
And who let her out? Sam and Dean Winchester, but they're trying to fix that.
You know I love those guys, but the world would still be spinning with Demon Dean in it.
But Sam couldn't have that, though, could he? And so how is Amara being out on me? It's not.
But you helped the Winchesters before.
Helped them?! I've saved them! I've rebuilt Castiel more times than I can remember.
Look where that got me.
So you're just gonna let Amara win? Eh it's her time to shine.
Then why the hell are we working on your stupid memoir?! [ Thunder rumbles .]
You think it's stupid? No, I think it's stupid to write a book nobody is gonna be around to read! You told me to write for an audience of one -- me.
And I think we're finally getting somewhere.
You started writing the second she came back, didn't you? No wonder you're on a deadline! Now I understand why you're masquerading in that sad little meat suit! For the same reason you created this nostalgic bar to write your masterpiece in -- you're hiding! Okay.
First of all, this gift is super cute.
Secondly, I'm not hiding.
I just like the ambiance in here.
You said the safest place ever created.
Created by you to keep you safe from Amara! She can't touch you in here, can she? You're upset.
I-I understand.
And it's good to let it out.
But, uh, let's focus on, uh, finishing my book.
You know, I was a crappy, terrible god.
My work was pretty much a lame, half-assed rewrite of your greatest hits.
But at least I was never a coward.
[ Grunts .]
[ Groans .]
[ Sighs .]
[ Chuckles .]
[ Panting .]
There he is.
That's the guy I know, the guy I love.
I remember the first time I saw you.
All the angels were terrified, but I wasn't.
The feeling of your light was was just beyond measure.
And then the unthinkable.
You picked me to help you with your tablets.
You were just the closest angel to the door when I walked into the room.
There's nothing special about you, Metatron.
Not then not now.
Now I've been called many things -- absentee father, wrathful monster.
But coward I am not hiding.
I am just done watching my experiments' failures.
You mean your failures, Chuck.
You want to watch? Be my guest.
Reports are that there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but as we know, a dense fog did roll in.
And many citizens also are feeling some sort of impact from this fog leads us to believe that there is some sort of If you ask me, they're all reruns.
have been overwhelmed as the National Guard has been brought in.
Hey, you got to go.
Get! Hey, sweetheart.
Okay, we're gonna get you out of here.
We're gonna get you safe, okay? Don't you worry, okay? Give me your hands.
Oh.
Thank you so much.
Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
What the hell's going on? Just get out of here, okay? What's this fog doing? Just get inside now! Go, go! Come on.
Sam, Sam.
[ Coughing .]
Let them go! Agent Ehart? Radio's dead.
You have any duct tape? [ Wind whistling .]
[ Coughing .]
Sam? Sam?! Sheriff, let's see if we can't fix that radio of yours.
[ Wind whistling .]
Dean? [ Wind whistling .]
[ Indistinct shouting in distance .]
You hear that? [ Shouting continues .]
[ Glass shatters .]
[ Shouting intensifies .]
[ Grunting .]
[ Glass shatters .]
Dean.
[ Gasps .]
[ Crying .]
[ Grunting .]
Sam! Mac: Folks, we need to stay together, okay? Sam? [ Grunts .]
No, no, get back! Don't! [ Gasps .]
My God, he's infected.
Everybody, get inside! Everybody.
[ Crying .]
[ Coughing .]
Come on.
Let's move.
Come on.
[ Coughing .]
[ Banging, indistinct shouting .]
Come on! Let's go! Get in here! No, I'm not leaving my brother.
You know, you really are a terrific editor, Metatron.
[ Chuckles .]
Well, I was a terrible writer.
A worse god.
It's good I got something going for me.
Yeah, you know, I have to say, I didn't see the whole evil-turn thing coming.
Mm-hmm.
[ Chuckling .]
Why did you try to be me? That was just a sad, pathetic cry for attention.
[ Chuckling .]
Whose attention were you trying to get? Yours.
You are light and beauty.
Creation.
Wrath.
Damnation and salvation.
And I don't care if I was just the angel nearest the door.
[ Voice breaking .]
You picked me.
Your light shined on me -- me! Oh, and the warmth.
But then you left me.
You left all of us.
It wasn't just the saps on Earth who were praying to you.
The angels prayed, too.
And so did I -- every day.
I know.
You want to write the best-selling autobiography of all time, you explain to me -- tell me why you abandoned me.
Us.
Because you disappointed me.
You all disappointed me.
No, look.
I know I'm a disappointment, but you're wrong about humanity.
They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are.
Yeah, sure, they're weak and they cheat and steal anddestroy and disappoint.
But they also give and create and they sing and dance and love.
And above all, they never give up.
But you do.
[ Clears throat .]
[ Sighs .]
[ Indistinct shouting .]
[ Wind whistling .]
[ Grunts .]
[ Coughing .]
Sam! [ Banging .]
[ Gasps .]
Hey, listen to me! Sam! We're not gonna make it.
No, no, no.
There's no quitting here.
We're never gonna make it.
Sam, listen to me.
That's not you talking, it's the fog.
You were gonna choose Amara over me.
Over everything.
Sam, no! Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that, Dean.
I can't fight this.
You got to go.
You got to get out before you're infected.
Go before I hurt you! No, I'm not leaving you -- ever! [ Grunting .]
Okay.
[ Inhales deeply .]
[ Indistinct shouting .]
[ Banging .]
Stop this! You hear me, you dick?! [ Shouting, banging continues .]
[ Shouting, banging stops .]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Hey, hey, look at me.
Look at me.
I'm right here.
I'm right here.
Okay, it's okay.
It's all right.
I'm right here.
I'm right here.
[ Sighs .]
[ Chuckles .]
[ Papers rustling .]
[ Clears throat .]
[ Sighs .]
Oh! Yeah.
Ahh.
You know, I lied before.
I didn't really learn to play guitar.
I just kind of gave myself the ability.
I did the same when I âlearnedâ French.
Man, this whole honesty thing -- it's really freeing.
Come on.
Take a look at the new pages.
You know you want to.
I think I'll pass.
[ High-pitched voice .]
I think you're really gonna like them.
[ Feedback .]
[ Clears throat .]
You're right.
It -- It's a little high.
[ Clears throat .]
All right.
Suit yourself.
If I had wings Like Noah's dove I'd fly up the river To the one I love Fare thee well Oh, honey Fare thee well I knew a man Who was long and tall He moved his body Like a cannonball Oh, fare thee well Oh, honey Fare thee well Remember one night In the drizzling rain And around my heart I felt an aching pain Fare thee well Oh, honey Fare thee well, mm-mm One of these days It won't be long You'll call my name And I'll be gone Fare thee well Oh, honey Fare thee well [ Gasps .]
Fare thee well You okay? Thanks.
Mom! [ Sighs .]
We should probably talk.
@elderman