Doctor Who (1963) s11e21 Episode Script

Here's a funny thing! Here's a funny thing! When Archimedes - you've heard of Archimedes - jumped out of his bath and ran down the road without his clothes on, he didn't shout "Eureka", he shouted "I'm a streaker!" Here, Doctor, this is a complete waste of time.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, the management takes great pleasure in presenting to you that exotic Turkish delight of the east - Sherezadi! Well you enjoyed that.
Extraordinary muscular control.
Very fit, that girl.
I must adapt some of those movements as exercises for the men.
They'd take some adapting.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, a slight contrast - that mind reader extraordinaire, Professor Herbert Clegg! This is what we came for.
And about time.
Shall we carry on? No, no, no, no.
It's too late now.
We'll try again tomorrow.
Are you sure you saw nothing? Oh, it was the wind.
Someone left the door open.
Listen.
It's a car.
Well, there's only one car here.
The car belonging to our new friend - Mr.
Yates.
Ah, Professor Clegg.
How good of you to come.
To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I have come.
Your message was, er, somewhat ambiguous.
Yes, that's my fault entirely.
I do apologise.
Won't you sit down? Thank you.
You, er, you want me to do my act for you? Oh, some sort of, er, regimental guest night, is it? Cabaret? I do a lot of dinners.
Lord, no! Er, but clever stuff, mind you, but not really my cup of tea.
Oh, then, er, what exactly is it you want of me, gentlemen? Well, you see, Professor, er, I'm doing a little research into ESP.
That's Extra Sensory Perception, you know? Ah, yes, as a matter of actual fact, I, er, I did know that.
Oh, really? Well, I can't[say that I did until the Doctor explained this morning.
You see, Professor, my particular field covers, er, psycholotry, telepathy and, er, clairvoyance as well.
So I thought perhaps you might be able to help me.
Oh.
Well, you see, er, I'm afraid I can't - dearly as I'd like to.
You disappoint me, Professor.
Er, well, there you are - that's just it.
I'm, er well, I'm not a professor at all - that's just for, er, well, you know professional purposes, do you see? You're trying to tell us that it was all a lot of tricks? Well, er, not to put too fine a point on it yes.
Just a word code with your assistant, eh? Ah! Very, er, very perspicacious of you, Doctor.
I feel sure that my secret is safe with you.
Oh, indeed it is, Professor.
Indeed it is.
Thank you.
I assure you that I shall tell nobody that you are really a very powerful clairvoyant.
I beg your pardon? That's your real secret, isn't it? Oh, why ever should you think that? You made a couple of mistakes last night, Professor.
You gave the answer before your assistant had uttered a word.
Oh It's happening more and more.
I don't want it to! I I was quite happy as a performer, Doctor, but I seem to be developing this this power! Oh, I hate it! I hate it! The things I can make happen Like physical manifestations? Psychokinesis, for example? Well yes.
Well that's remarkable.
Er, would you mind explaining? Er, psychokinesis? Moving things by the power of the mind.
A very rarely developed faculty in homo sapiens.
Er, Professor? Er Mr.
Clegg.
Would you give us a demonstration? Well, er Please? Oh, very well.
I can't! I can't keep it up! You ought to use that in your act.
And lose my sanity? It would be a poor exchange.
Mr.
Clegg, your powers may seem to be extraordinary, but I assure you that they lie dormant in everyone.
They're perfectly natural.
I find that very difficult to believe.
But that's what my experiment's all about, Mr.
Clegg.
You mean you mean you can find out why I'm different? Possibly.
Then very well, I I'll help you all I can.
Good! Not only a journalist - but a woman journalist! We do not want her here.
We cannot shut out the world entirely, my brother.
Why not? You used to - in Tibet.
All things pass away, as you will learn in your meditation.
This world of samsara, this world of appearance is the world of change.
Yes, but I came here to get away from the world, so did the others.
We came here to find solitude.
One day you will learn to walk in solitude amidst the traffic of the world.
It's still not too late to stop her coming.
But it is.
Mr.
Yates has already gone to the station to fetch her.
What's it all about? Of course it's no accident! We heard his car last night, didn't we? He's bringing her here because he suspects something.
We'll just have to stop for a while - that's all.
Stop? Now? On the point of breakthrough? The power in that circle last night ____ Hello, Lupton.
Look.
Mister Lupton.
Yeah, mister.
Look pretty.
Go and get on with your work, Tommy.
You're not wanted here.
Finished weeding - look, Barnes.
Pretty flower Yes, I can see.
Now go and find something else to do, will you? Er, gonna have a cuppa.
Er, you like a cuppa? Er, you like a cuppa, mister? For pity's sake! Get the others together.
There's no time to be lost.
Pretty flower poor pretty It's a nice day.
Yes, isn't it.
Oh, come on, Mike - out with it! Mmm? What is it all about? I told you - it's a great story for that magazine of yours.
A couple of refugee Tibetan monks setting up a lamasery in darkest mummerset? It's not a lamasery.
It's a meditation centre.
Okay, so maybe meditation's the in-thing.
Maybe I can sell it to Percy.
I still want to know what it's all about.
Look, you'd better start at the beginning.
I mean, what are you doing here anyway? Trying to sort myself out, I suppose, after that golden age mess.
Ah.
I mean, like you said, everybody's going on about meditation of one sort or another, so I thought I'd have a crack at it.
Then I saw in the paper about these two Tibetans.
Well it sounds to me as if these people are just getting on with their meditation.
You know, doing a bit of homework.
Then why be so secret about it? No, they're up to something.
I think they're in touch with some oh, I don't know - some power.
It's definitely a job for UNIT.
Well then, you must tell the Brig or the Doctor.
And you think they'd believe me? Last time we met I pulled a gun on them.
Oh, now I get it! So, you want me to have a look round and then tell the Brig for you? That's the general idea.
Mmm.
Please? Okay.
Bless you, Sarah Jane.
You'll have to convince me though.
Don't you worry.
There's nothing there.
So you did see it? The tractor? Of course.
I'm convinced.
You see, Brigadier, the electrocephalograph will show us his brainwaves on here as we carry out the tests.
Right, let's try a little simple psycholotry, shall we? Er, Lethbridge Stewart, my dear fellow, would you like to give Mr.
Clegg some little article of yours? Mmm? Oh! Yes, yes, rather.
Hmm.
Right, ready when you are, Mr.
Clegg.
This watch was given to you eleven years ago you received it in a hotel.
Er a hotel by the sea.
Er, Brighton, was it? From a young lady called er, Doris.
She said it was to mark her gratitude to you Yes, all true! Absolutely spot on! Mmm.
Well surely you've got enough, Doctor? A little too much perhaps, eh, Alastair? Right, this is what we call the IRIS machine or Image Reproduction Integrating System.
It translates your thoughts into pictures on this monitor here.
Try this, will you? We can but point a finger along the way.
A man must go inside and face his fears and hopes, his hates and his loves and watch them wither away.
Then he will find his true self.
It is no self.
He will see his true mind - which is no mind.
And that's what meditation's all about? Yes! Then old man must die and the new man will discover to his inexpressible joy that he has never existed! Well, good luck, mate! I think I'm gonna need it! But, if you do start ferreting about in your subconscious, aren't you going to turn up all sorts of nasties? I mean, complexes, phobias and what have you? Of course, the demons and the divinities? Mmm.
But in our way - the Vajrayana Way - we use the powers to help us.
If we will excuse me, it's time for the meditation class.
But couldn't that be dangerous - if these these powers were used wrongly.
It could be so, yes, by evil men in their ignorance and craving, it could indeed be most dangerous.
I see.
Such a thing could never happen here.
I'm sorry, I I saw well, just fantasies! Don't worry, Professor, you're doing very well.
Indeed you are, Professor - indeed you are.
Now - erm, do you feel up to bending the odd fork? Doctor, I Oh, doing a bit of hairdressing on the side, eh? Benton Sorry, sir, I didn't see you there.
What do you want? Well this package, sir.
It's just arrived by express post.
I thought it may be urgent.
Well, for the Doctor or for me? Well, that's just it.
It's addressed to the Doctor or Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart or Captain Yates or, er, Sergeant Benton.
It's from South America, sir.
Well, from Jo? Well, I reckon so.
Well let's take a look.
Well, no, wait a minute.
I've got a better idea.
Er, Mr.
Clegg.
Would you like to tell us what's inside this package? This has come a long way Yes, of course, from the Amazon.
Sergeant Benton just told you.
Brigadier, please! From beyond the stars er could it be a meteorite? Oh it's beautiful.
A gemstone a blue jewel Lord, not that stone of yours? The crystal from Metebelis Three.
Thank you, Mr.
Clegg.
Let's take a look, shall we? Well, well, well.
And that that's about it.
Where is everybody though? In there, most of them.
Well, that's more like it.
Can I have a look? Well, I don't think Now, that sweet little lama said to show me everything, didn't he? Yes, but he didn't mean you to Well, come on then.
Alright, but for heaven's sake be quiet.
It helps with the meditation.
What are they meditating about? Not about anything, but just meditating.
Watch.
So what are they watching? They're mentally watching their tummies go up and down as they breathe.
Like contemplating their belly buttons.
You could put it like that.
Come on.
Well, I hope you all know what you're on about.
It probably seems a bit daft.
Oh.
It's an exercise in awareness really.
Hey! Come on, it's time we hid in the cellar.
Oh! Right.
Good afternoon, my brother.
Good afternoon.
Oh, er, this is Sarah Jane Smith.
She works for "Metropolitan", you know - the magazine.
Yes, I know.
Cho-je mentioned that you would be coming.
Did he? When? This afternoon.
I trust you had an informative visit.
Oh, er, yes.
Yes, thank you, most pleasant.
Well, after a bad start, that is A bad start? Yes, well, Mike and I were driving down the road Oh, we had a little accident.
Accident?! A The car ran off the road.
You were lucky to escape.
The roads round here can be very dangerous - very dangerous indeed.
I take your point.
Good.
You must stay and share our meal with us.
Oh, great! I'm afraid that we've no time.
Well, at least have a cup of tea.
Oh, now you're talking! Er no, unfortunately Miss Smith has to leave right away.
But I If you don't go now you'll miss your train.
We've got hours yet! I think you must have mis-read your timetables.
Oh! 'Scuse me! ___.
Look, I just don't understand you.
You said you want me to see for myself and now you suddenly take off.
I don't think we shall have any more trouble.
That young man's scared out of his wits.
Warn the others.
We carry on as planned.
Look, what's it all about? That was Lupton.
We Oh, so that's why you pinched me.
I'll be bruised for a week.
You heard what he said - he'd been told you were coming.
So? Well don't you see? He must have been responsible for that hallucination - that non-existent tractor.
He tried to kill us.
So why are we running away? We're not.
We're letting him think we're running away.
Now we'll go back on foot.
The fiendish cunning of the man! "And we're at our twenty-eighth native village.
" No, hang about - twenty-ninth.
Switch on the light, for me, Sergeant, will you? Alright.
"We haven't found our toadstool yet, and we're not likely to if I don't get rid of this crystal.
" "You see, the Indian porters say it's bad magic.
Like it goes or they go.
So, Doctor, if you're away on a cheap day-trip to Mars, perhaps you could look after it for me, Brigadier? Or if you're away in Geneva, how about it, Mike? Or my lovely Sergeant Benton?" "I must say I miss you all very much " Thanks.
Why are you climbing in the window? Er, yes, yes, I Play games? Er, that's right - just playing a little game.
Tom likes games.
Tom play game too? Er tell you what, Tom Who are you? Erm, oh, my name is Sarah - Sarah Jane Smith.
Tom likes you, Sarah Jane Smith.
Oh, well, you see, Tom, this game it's called "secrets", and its a secret that I'm here.
Yeah, so, you won't tell anyone, will you? Ah, that's pretty Would you like it? There, now careful not to prick yourself.
Oh, it's pretty! A shameless display of feminine wiles! Come on! Nonsense! They're obviously just about to start.
Let's find somewhere to hide.
Well, now ___.
Listen! Hide behind here, quick! Find out ___.
"And the coffee's just about as filthy as UNIT tea - if that's possible.
I must go now, or I'll miss the next cleft-stick to civilisation " I'll get the M.
O.
You're too late, Brigadier - he's dead.