Curb Your Enthusiasm s12e05 Episode Script

So I needed a new lawyer,
and Susie was going on and on
about what a great lawyer you are.
And then, the coup de gras,
she told me your last name.
Mantle. Christopher Mantle.
Oh my God. I mean Mickey Mantle,
he was my idol growing up.
I don't follow baseball, but I know
who Mickey Mantle is.
Oh my God, it's an amazing name.
Susie's great at connecting everybody.
I love her.
By the way, she mentioned
you might be going to the temple
for the reopening of the plaza thing.
I'm being dragged there by this woman
who I'm connected to somehow.
- I'm being dragged there, too.
- Really?
Yeah, my husband is Jewish.
We're both being dragged.
Look at that.
So, I familiarized myself with the case,
like the rest of America,
and listen to me, Larry.
This is the most unconstitutional law
that's ever been passed.
The law should be on trial,
not you.
So I'm confident this will get
cleared up quickly.
And I'll file something by the end
of the week,
which is the cutoff date to file
a motion to dismiss.
So all will be taken care of.
You can rest easy.
Oh my God, that is music to my ears.
We're gonna avoid a trial,
and it's gonna be tossed out.
Mr. Mantle.
You just hit a home run. You know?
That's fantastic.
So the good news is I can still parade
around like I'm a hero of sorts
without having to go to trial,
or prison, or anything.
You will not have to go to trial.
You will not be going to prison.
Mr. Mantle, Denise on line one.
One second. Sorry.
Hello? Yeah.
Really? Oh, that's great.
Can you put that back, Larr?
Yeah, it's great. Thank you so much,
Denise. Okay, bye.
Sorry about that.
That was my surrogate.
My husband and I are having a baby.
Congratulations.
Big news. That's great.
- We're really excited.
- You like the surrogate?
I do. She's really sweet.
She took an IQ test?
You don't want to get a moron, right?
- You're sure she's not a moron?
- Yes. Thank you for your concern.
Let me ask you a question. How does
it work with a gay couple?
Who gets to choose the last name?
We had a discussion,
and we chose my husband's name.
- Which is?
- Zeckelman.
You're going with Zeckelman
over Mantle?
Is there something wrong
with his last name?
It's not the greatest last name
in the world,
but Mantle is one of the great names.
Well, thank you. I personally think
Zeckelman is also a great name.
Is that okay?
It's okay.
It's not so great for the kid.
Why is it not great for the kid?
I don't know any Zeckelman's
who hit 536 home runs.
Yet.
- Okay.
- Nice to meet you, Larry.
- Nice to meet you.
- I'll see you at temple.
- Are you going with Zeckelman?
- I'm going with Zeckelman, yeah.
Great. See you there.
Okay.
Let me tell you.
I met the greatest girl.
Her name is Jenna,
and she's pretty incredible.
Been going on for a couple weeks.
She's really funny.
She's smart. She knows music.
She challenges me.
- Great conversationalist.
- What does she do?
She works for Disney.
I think she's an executive.
She always is talking about the film.
She knows all the things
that are coming out.
I mean, she was talking about, like,
the princess costumes
and where they're going and evolving.
Just to be involved in steering
the television and the films is a lot,
but she's got to keep it in her mind,
like, "How do I turn that into a ride?"
That's pretty impressive, yeah.
I've never heard you talk like this.
Well, I've never felt this way before.
Sports. She into sports?
It's too soon.
I haven't gotten into sports yet.
If you get sports here,
it's too much.
If I get sports,
you're my best man.
If she working at Disney,
next time you talk to her,
ask her about that fine-ass Tinkerbell.
You're attracted to Tinkerbell?
Tinkerbell flies her little ass.
She put her little booty out.
With that little booty tooch.
That little booty go out, and bling!
It speaks
of a very unusual perversion.
A man attracted
to a thimble-sized fairy.
Tinkerbell fine as fuck.
I'll put her in my motherfucking pocket.
And I'll just walk
around knowing she home.
And she flies her little ass out there,
give me a little kiss on the cheek
and flies the fuck off.
That's a nice-ass jacket you got, too.
- Yeah. Thank you.
- Looks good on you.
I really like it.
And you wouldn't normally think
suede would be nice.
'Cause it's a darker green.
Isn't it nice?
Look at that fish.
What's up with that fish?
- Looks like it's stuck.
- Look at him struggle.
His little nose is trapped
in that filter.
- Excuse me.
- Yes, sir?
That fish, it looks like he's stuck.
No, fish not stuck, fish sick.
No, no, fish stuck.
This time of year is tough for fish,
so fish gets sick easily.
The filter is very warm,
so it make him feel better.
So it's okay. It's normal.
Seriously? Look at that.
That fish is stuck.
See, fish wiggle,
it mean fish sneeze.
Fish don't sneeze.
The fish didn't sneeze.
- No, fish sneeze.
- This guy's stuck.
- Fish sick now.
- Fish stuck.
Well, he's gonna get sick
if he stays stuck.
Can someone go in the tank
and unstuck?
Sir, it's not necessary. Fish sick.
- You're out of your mind.
- You know what?
All this talk about fish,
now I want fish.
- Give me the snapper off the menu.
- Fish delicious. Okay.
- My man.
- No, that's a stuck fish.
I feel so bad for that fish.
At least that motherfucker can't drown.
Great meeting everybody.
Keep coming back.
It works if you work it.
Hey, if it worked for you,
then that's all I care about.
Hey.
You're not supposed to have these.
These are for everybody.
- They count it exactly.
- What? There's tons of 'em.
Hey, Larry.
Thanks for coming.
Hey, good to see ya.
Tell ya what, you alcoholics, you know
your way around a good donut.
- I guess that's true.
- Are you addicted to these now?
Well, as you can tell.
You know, Richard Lewis is here.
He spoke during the meeting.
Well, he took over the meeting.
It was a lot.
It was his turn to share.
'Cause he shared and shared
and shared.
A lot of people find it funny,
but he works so blue.
I heard the word "hell"
like three times.
- Just ask him.
He gets this all the time, trust me.
- I'm embarrassed.
- That's okay. Don't be embarrassed.
Be embarrassed. Don't ask.
If you don't have to, don't.
My daughter, she wants to be a writer.
I just wondered if you had anybody
that maybe could read her stuff?
Sheesh. Let me think about it.
- Really?
- What the hell are you doing, man?
- He hates being hugged.
- There's no touching here.
Really, I appreciate the compliment.
- You should've seen me today.
- You had a good meeting?
I got laughs bigger than I've ever
gotten before at a meeting.
I thought you were supposed
to share here.
It sounds like you're doing stand-up.
- It's not stand-up.
- You're talking like it's stand-up.
I can't divorce my comic self.
Part of me will always be
a comedian and a drunk.
I wish you would come
and see me sometime.
Hey. Excuse me, Larry.
You absolutely murdered it tonight.
Big laughs.
Come back next time.
I'll do new stuff. They love me.
What is going on here? This doesn't
sound like an AA meeting.
- It sounds like a concert.
- I'm doing a service.
But l want people to laugh and enjoy.
Do you let anybody else talk?
There was a sad old lady who opened
for me, but she only did 10 minutes.
The only problem is you're doing
your act, but nobody's drinking.
Imagine if they were drinking.
If they were drinking,
the roof would be blown off.
- You know, forget about it.
- Excuse me. I'm sorry.
That was just incredible.
I had to thank you.
- A lot of laughs?
- A lot of laughs.
The bartender from hell part,
I was crying.
- Did that work?
- Yeah, it totally worked.
Have a good night.
Thank you.
- I'm here, like, twice a week.
- Okay, good. Thanks.
The bartender from hell.
I do the "from hell" on occasion, but
I'm workshopping a few other things.
I'll tell ya, another couple of meetings
like this, I'll have a special.
That's a fantastic idea.
The AA special.
This is the hook I've been looking for.
Why not talk about being sober,
but get a special with HBO?
There you go.
Thank you.
That's why we're best friends.
The Drunk From Hell concert.
- Hors d'oeuvres?
- I don't think so.
- What is this?
- You're gonna eat that?
I may go get something else, so I need
to build a base with some rice.
- Yeah, go build your rice base.
- You gonna be okay on your own?
- It'll be tough, but yeah.
- Stay right there.
- Hey!
- Good to see ya.
Larry, this is Jenna,
who I told you so much about.
- So nice to finally meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- He talked. He did some talking.
- Did he?
He did. I'm hearing talk.
A lot of talk.
It's kind of fortuitous
All right, here we go, okay?
First of all, I hate asking for favors
almost as much as I hate doing favors.
And so, I have a friend whose
daughter wrote a script,
and the guy asked me if l knew
anybody who could read the script,
and Freddy told me all about you,
and would you mind reading it?
- You want me to read the script?
- I'm sure you're really busy.
- l would love to read the script.
- You're kidding.
No, I'd be excited.
Maybe if you had any notes,
you know, feel free, you know.
- Totally.
- I'm sure she would love that.
- I can give her notes.
- Where did you find her?
- Where's the planet?
- Did I oversell?
- There's no more.
- Stop. I'm blushing.
I'll get you guys set up.
We got to run along
and meet a couple other people.
- So nice to finally meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- This is the guy?
- Yes, that's him.
- Right here?
- But we don't have to make a thing.
Just give me a second.
Hey. Larry?
Abe Zeckelman. You have a problem
with the name of our child?
- I wouldn't say it's a problem.
- Well, what is it?
I thought that given the choice
of Mantle and Zeckelman
that Mantle was a better name.
Based on what exactly?
Let's be honest,
it's not a great name.
- What's wrong with it?
- Zeckelman? Come on.
You seem really worked up
over my last name.
If you think that's a great name,
then what's a bad name?
I'd rather have a bad last name
than no last name.
My name's Larry. I don't think it's
a great name. I'm honest about it.
Would I rather be a Dash, or a Dazzy,
or a Dan?
Well, the good thing about an opinion
is that you can keep it to yourself.
But then everybody would walk
around not saying anything.
- You're not keeping this to yourself.
- No, I couldn't keep this to myself.
I couldn't keep that to myself.
It's a deeply inappropriate
conversation to be having.
Just think about the playground.
He's in a unique situation.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, you know, the two dads.
Yeah, it's not that unique
of a situation.
- Maybe it's not unique. Different.
- Different?
- Slightly different?
- To us, it's normal.
Let me ask you this question. How did
you decide on the last name anyway?
I assume it's your semen, right?
- What did you just say?
- We're talking about semen now.
I assume it's your semen?
That's how you got Zeckelman?
- We're having this conversation?
- I'm just wondering how you got there.
- It's my semen.
- If you must know, it's his semen.
- It's your semen?
- What's the problem with that?
I mean, you would think
that the donor would get the name.
Well, we had a conversation
at home about it.
Because it's a private thing.
I don't know if you've chosen a first
name, but if you need any help,
I'm your guy.
- 'Cause you got two first names.
- Off the top of my head, Ziggy.
- Ziggy Zeckelman.
- You think that's a great name?
I do. Scooter Zeckelman?
They're all good names.
We'll put 'em both in the hat.
- We're not putting that in the hat.
- How 'bout Foots?
Is our family a joke to you, Larry?
No! Zeckelman needs
a cool first name!
I think I've had enough
of this conversation.
- Great to meet you, Larry.
- Doc Zeckelman.
- Doc Zeckelman is a joke.
- Ace.
- I'm gonna go get some food.
- Ace Zeckelman?
- That's not a great name?
- We're gonna talk about it at home.
Dewey, Duncan, Deegan. Deegan.
After the Major Deegan Expressway.
- We got plenty of options.
- I'm giving you gold here.
Chris. Forget it.
- What?
- Don't bother.
I got to go.
Babe, come on. Come back.
What the fuck?
Excuse me. Rabbi Adelman?
Can I talk to you for a second?
- Sorry to interrupt.
- I'm glad you're here today.
- Who's in charge of the bricks?
- I am.
You are? You know there's a brick
that says,
"L. David is disrespectful to women"?
You allowed that to be up there?
We don't really edit the bricks.
The donor gets to express what
thoughts and feelings they have.
So anybody can write anything
they want on a brick?
- Well, we would not like hate speech.
- That's hate speech.
- I think it's strong dislike speech.
- I want that taken down.
We only add bricks.
We don't take them away.
You don't remove bricks? That brick
is gonna be up there forever.
Posterity.
There's nothing in the Old Testament
about defamatory bricks?
You think if Isaac chiseled something
defamatory about Jedediah,
you think it wouldn't be taken down?
There's nothing in the Torah
about defamatory bricks.
You know what this is, Rabbi?
This is a shanda.
- Will you excuse me?
- Certainly.
Larry?
Oh my God! This is crazy.
Hi, again. What a treat.
Usually most people you don't
really want to run into either,
but l'm not minding this at all.
- Me neither. Likewise.
- So what are you doing here?
I'm actually in the process
of converting to Judaism.
- Yeah, that's my rabbi.
- Get the hell out of here. What?
- You're joining the team?
- I am.
We are so happy to have you.
Are you prepared to complain a lot?
Please, I can kvetch
with the best of them. Come on.
Very impressive.
I'd be remiss if I didn't ask, why?
I like the whole thing. I like the food
and the community,
and truth be told, you know,
I like the men.
Aside from the obvious,
you know, reasons.
These obvious reasons escape me.
What are they?
Can't deal with the alternative.
- Yeah. It's so good to see you.
- Very good to see you, too.
I have one question for you.
What is this wall?
This is for tennis. They put the winners
of the tournament up.
You guys do a temple tennis
tournament? I am obsessed with tennis.
I know, but it's just a wall.
You should enter the tournament
next year.
They have a temple tournament?
Mixed doubles?
Mixed doubles, yeah.
Amazing. How's everything?
How's the whole court case?
It's scary, yeah.
It's a frightening prospect.
I could plead guilty and just get off,
but I'm not gonna do that.
- And I don't think it's a big deal.
- That's so sweet.
Listen, I'm having a dinner party
next week.
I don't know if you're around,
but I'd love you to come.
Really. There are so many people that
would love to meet you and talk to you,
and I would love to see you again.
So, maybe?
Next week sometime?
If you're here. It would be an honor
for all of us. What do you say?
I don't think I can make it.
Okay. Well, let's just hope we can
run into each other again.
- Yeah, hope so.
- Yeah. I got to schmeitz.
You what? What's that one?
Got to go. It's Yiddish.
- That's a new one to me.
- There you go.
I'm running a little late,
so you can just drop me off here.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. I work right there.
I don't mind taking you
No, this is great. I work right there.
Do you work above the Disney store?
They have an office or something?
No, I work at the Disney store.
So you're managing
Oh, God no.
I don't have the head for numbers.
I'm so sorry.
What do you do here?
I'm a greeter,
and I talk to the guests.
I put on a costume,
like a princess,
like Snow White or Elsa
or Ariel.
My favorite is Mickey's favorite,
Minnie Mouse.
It's the best.
- Right there.
At the Disney store?
You know what would be so helpful
with that is the "store" part.
"Hello. Come in. The most
magical store in the mall."
You don't have any managerial or
developmental role at Disney at all?
No. I mean,
I'm a senior character.
- What's a junior character?
- I would say, like, Doc McStuffins.
But listen, I got to go.
I had so much fun last night.
- It was a great evening.
- I'll see you later. Bye.
Oh boy! Bye.
All right. Save it for in there.
Don't drain the tank with me.
- How did you not know that?
- How would I know?
We're talking about movies and music,
and she tells me she works for Disney.
You never asked her about her job?
What about Disney?
What department?
She lives in Glendale. I just assumed
she's like animation or something.
I didn't know she was working
at the fucking Americana.
I feel like I've been living a lie,
I got to be honest.
I had this whole great thing in my head
that I was excited about,
and now I just feel crushed.
Well, you had somebody
who's accomplished.
She had a status,
and the status is gone.
So what is that saying about you?
You're right.
It does say something about me.
The problem is this makes you
reflect on who you are,
because she's the same person.
It's the same great stories.
It's the same sense of humor.
It's the same likes and dislikes,
but it feels so different.
I think there's a lesson
to be learned here.
Questions. Women like questions.
When you have a date with someone,
you've got to ask a ton of questions.
Otherwise, they're going back
to their friends,
and you know what they're saying?
"He didn't ask me one question."
- They love questions.
- What would you do? Honestly.
I'm so superficial,
I'd probably break up.
Right away?
Yeah. I'm not gonna date
Minnie Mouse.
I think the thing I got to do
is at least kind of try.
You know, spend some time
with her and bridge the gap.
- Oh my God.
- What is it?
I gave her a script to read.
She said she'd be happy to!
Why didn't you ask her what kind
of development she did?
- Why is she taking a script?
- Are you gonna listen to the notes?
I'm gonna listen to the notes
from Minnie Mouse!
The callback to the Corona ad on the
beach? So, so good. I loved that part.
Thank you.
Honestly, Dana, it's really refreshing
to see a comedic, apocalyptic show.
- So you're buying the whole premise?
- Totally.
'Cause it's out there.
And when it comes to questions,
one last thing. Meg.
- I didn't understand.
- You didn't understand?
Like, what she wanted?
Yeah. I struggled with that.
She's a little one dimensional.
I had more in there.
Like, her backstory, what she went
to school for, all that stuff.
I think you should put it back.
Does it feel long?
Yes. And I almost trimmed it.
I'm so embarrassed.
I just need to tighten it up.
Dana, I think you have
such a good script here.
- Thank you so much.
- You're getting me so, so excited.
And I just want to thank you
for letting me read it.
Are you kidding me? Thank you
for reading it.
And if there's anything else
- Are you serious?
- Of course.
I'm so excited for you and your future.
And oh my God, oh my God.
We're coming out with a new line
of Little Mermaid sleepwear,
and I get a discount,
so if you text me your sizes,
I can hook you up.
Hey, you want some of this?
- You wash your hands?
- No.
'Cause you're making it for yourself,
so you're doing all this stuff
like a third base coach. No.
- What you guys talking about?
- Look at this. I come bearing gifts.
- Shit, man. Don't do this.
- What do we think it is?
- Are you kidding me?
- No.
You said you liked it,
and so I'm giving it to you.
- I did say that.
- Come on, do us the honors.
I'ma put this shit on, man.
- Looking sharp.
- Holy cow.
I think it looks incredible.
Anybody want to get Chinese food
for lunch today?
Nah. Fuck that.
I can't 'cause I got to see
Minnie Mouse.
I'm gonna have a better attitude about
it. She's the same person, right?
I got a date, and I'm gonna keep it,
and I'm gonna make it work.
- Thank you for everything.
- Appreciate it too, man.
- I appreciate you.
- Appreciate you, Secret Santa.
Jesus, that's amazing he gave
you that jacket. That was so nice.
It's the "I like it" gambit.
All you got to do is compliment people
on what the fuck they're wearing,
and they gonna give you one.
You know what?
It's not a bad idea.
It's a fucking great idea.
I'll bet that works
like 50% of the time.
Wish I had a suede durag to go
with this motherfucker.
Fuck you, Larry.
Fuck you, Larry!
So what's going on?
You know, not that much.
What is this material?
- What do you call this material?
- Cotton.
- You think this is cotton?
- Why are you here?
Well, it's very simple, really.
So they renovated the temple,
and they have this plaza,
and they were selling these bricks
for charity.
And Hobie Turner wrote something
very defamatory about me,
and it's there for everyone to see.
It says, "Larry David
is disrespectful to women."
Come on, Cheryl.
I love women.
Who loves women more than me?
I love having sex with them.
I love talking to them.
I'm a champion of women.
Being a champion to women
Well, it means I'm attracted to women.
I like them.
There's a difference.
So I'd like to refute his brick
by having somebody who I know
write something nice about me.
- On the brick?
- Yes.
"I was married to Larry David
for many years,"
"and he's a veritable champion
of women." Something like that.
Right next to it. They'll read his
first. They'll read yours second.
You buy a brick.
- I don't think so.
- Why not?
- It doesn't feel right.
- What's not right?
- Because it sounds bullshitty.
- You don't have to say that exactly.
Say something nice. You think you
could come up with something nice?
- Hey, Cheryl?
- Hi.
Hi, Larry.
Can we run lines when he goes?
Well, Larry has a defamatory brick,
and he wants me to buy more bricks.
Yeah, somebody wrote a defamatory
brick about me.
It says, "Larry David
is disrespectful to women."
Terrible, terrible thing to say.
And I love women, Ted.
Well, he loves having sex with women,
and he thinks that that proves
that he respects women.
And there are other things, too.
Larry, completely understand. The deal
is we already bought a brick, right?
Yeah, we already bought a brick.
You didn't even know what I was talking
about when I brought up the brick.
You probably told me, and I forgot
or something. I don't know.
Maybe I forgot to tell you. I'm sorry.
But we did. We bought a brick.
Ted does a lot of things.
He's very charitable.
You bought a brick, huh?
And what does your brick say, Ted?
Nothing. We left it blank.
- The brick says nothing?
- Yeah. You know, we're raising money.
We're not trying to advertise.
I don't think you bought a brick.
What do you think about that?
Look, the point is we bought
a fucking brick, Larry.
I'll tell you what.
I'll make it very easy for you.
I'll buy the brick.
I'll write something nice.
All you got to do
is put your name on it.
I don't feel comfortable.
What if it just said, "I was married to
Larry David, and he's a decent guy"?
- Who writes that on a brick?
- It's dishonest.
Well, then you write it.
I don't have anything to say on a brick.
You can't think of one nice thing
to say about me on a brick?
No, not on a brick.
All right, so just for argument's sake,
is there anything nice you could say
about me that's not on a brick?
Yes.
Something on a cake.
"Congratulations, good job".
- "Happy birthday."
- "He's a good golfer sometimes."
- You want some more tea?
- I'd love some more tea.
How much longer do you think
you'll be staying, Larry?
I'm leaving right now.
I just need to learn these lines,
that's all.
Nice pen. Good pen. Look at that pen.
That's some pen.
- Thank you.
- How do you get a pen like that?
- Do you want the pen, Larry?
- I'm not gonna take your pen.
- Take the pen.
- Really?
- Yes, take the pen.
- You're giving me your pen?
Good luck with the brick.
Okay. How's this?
"He's an amiable fellow
and a big supporter of Title Nine."
Bullshit.
"He's an amiable fellow
who's attended two WNBA games."
- Is that true?
- No.
And besides, you never went
to one of Sammy's softball games.
I invited you so many times.
The kid couldn't even lift up a pencil.
Stop it. She's very talented!
How 'bout this?
"Any woman who Larry David
impregnated"
"he not only paid for the abortion,"
"but accompanied her
to the procedure". That's true.
- You're wasting my time. Leave.
- You're not gonna buy a brick?
Apparently not.
- Hello?
- Hey, Larry.
- It's Cyrus, Irma's sponsor.
- Yeah, I know who you are.
I just wanted to call you because
my daughter met
with that woman you recommended,
Jenna.
- She was great.
- What?
My daughter said she gave great notes.
She made the script better.
- She was amazing.
- Seriously?
Yeah! I thought she wouldn't
even give her the time of day.
Yeah, for a high-powered executive,
she's very down to Earth, isn't she?
Yeah. Right?
They even met at a coffee shop.
You'd think she's just a regular person.
Anyway, Dana wanted to send her
some flowers to her office at Disney.
So if you could shoot me her address.
I don't think you need to do that.
Well, I live by the Americana
in Glendale.
I could just go over and get a gift card
and send it over.
- How about that?
- No, not necessary.
I'll just pass on your enthusiasm.
Larry!
Larry, where are my sleep brassieres?
How the fuck do I know?
I owe you one. I really do.
- Larry!
- What?
Never mind. They were in the hamper.
They're not that dirty.
If you need anything from me,
you just say the word, okay?
You know, now that you mention it,
there actually is something you can do.
Yeah, say the word.
According to your timeline, I have
eight weeks left with Irma.
I'm wondering if there's any possible
way that we can move that up.
Wait. You're saying you want
to break up with her early?
Yes, that's exactly what I mean.
Is there any reason?
Yeah, I hate her.
That's the reason. How's that?
Look, I don't know what to tell you.
I'm: struggling here, Cyrus,
and Sienna Miller is interested in me.
- I'm not joking.
- Really?
When is this gonna happen again?
Never.
So come on. Help a brother out.
Is there anything we can do?
Larry, I appreciate everything
you've done for us,
but a breakup would just set her back,
and I can't allow that to happen.
Is that better than murder?
Who benefits from murder?
She's dead, and I'm in prison.
Larry, I think you're saying a lot
of things you don't mean right now.
No, no, I mean it. Come on.
There's got to be a way.
If she were to break up with you,
I guess that would be okay.
Her idea?
Then that would give her the power,
give her her own agency.
like it's gonna be her idea. On what
planet? That's never gonna happen.
I'm sorry. But thank you.
Larry, where are my bunion splints?
Today was amazing, though.
'Cause you know Penny?
She's normally a chipmunk,
Chip or Dale,
and she's in, like,
what we call fur all the time.
She got to be Tinkerbell this week,
and it was unbelievable,
and we were so happy for her.
And she was so good with the kids.
And she was just having
the best time ever,
because she's never a face character.
She's a little tall to be a pixie,
but she was incredible.
And we had a Peter Pan.
Ian was being Peter Pan that day.
- Welcome back, sir.
- Thank you.
I'd like a table for two
by the aquarium.
That table is reserved.
But we have nice table
over here by window.
- It's reserved?
- Yes.
Okay, we'll go over there.
- You follow me, sir. This way.
- All right. Okay.
Sir, can I help you? Excuse me, sir.
Your table that way.
Yeah, what happened to the orange
fish that was stuck?
Fish sad,
so we changed new location.
Change of scenery
make much happy fish.
- So, you moved the fish?
- Yes.
Fish living best life in downtown.
Very happy there.
That was so nice of you.
You can go visit your new friend,
orange fish.
I can handle the death of the fish.
Just tell me.
Fish fine. Fish thriving.
No, no, fish stuck. Fish dead.
No. Fish sick. Fish gone.
- Stuck. Dead.
- Sick, gone!
- Fish not your problem anymore.
- I will not forget fish.
Okay, I bring your table some water.
- How's your fish?
- Fish dead.
Listen to me. You should've heard
Irma today at the AA meeting.
You would've been blown away.
She shared for a half hour.
- Well, what did she say?
- First of all, I would never tell you.
In AA, there's principles,
there's guidelines.
So any wino in Santa Monica can hear
what she's saying, but I can't?
- AA is private, man. That's it.
- I'm not gonna tell anybody.
- I just won't do it.
- But we're good friends.
- I'm not telling you.
- So you're not gonna tell me?
- No.
- Suppose I put you in my will?
Her first husband, horrible accident,
and she was with him 24/7,
like a caregiver.
- Was he in a wheelchair?
- Worse.
- Diapers?
- He had diapers everywhere.
He was like the fucking mummy.
He lost some of his toes.
His spine was sticking out.
He couldn't move. He couldn't walk.
And she started
to drink more and more,
and then she became
an alcoholic over this.
And then one day she woke up,
she went,
"You know, this is not the way
I envisioned my life."
So, she just left the guy high
and dry.
- She didn't want to take care of him?
- She wanted to think about her life.
Selfish. That's her husband.
- She never wanted to see him again.
- It was the diapers.
She said she wasn't proud of it,
but if the situation happened again,
she would do the same thing.
She would still split.
She knows what she wants in life.
Let me ask you something.
How much were you thinking
about leaving me?
- No, nothing. Yeah.
- What?
It was a trick to get you to talk
about it. Which you did.
In three minutes,
I lost all that money?
That's all it took to get it out
of you, your solemn AA oath?
- They should kick you out of there.
- I have weaknesses.
- I got a good mind to squeal on you.
- Let's eat.
Hey, Larry.
Oh my God.
What's going on here?
I was working late last night.
I got kicked out of my house.
- You got kicked out of your house?
- Yeah, yeah. Come on in.
- Did we have a meeting or something?
- Why'd you get kicked out?
Quite frankly, you stuck this thing
in my head about naming babies,
and we got in a big fight,
and things were thrown,
and you got in the middle of everything,
and now we don't know what
we're gonna name the baby.
- So it's my fault.
- You planted this thing in our head.
And then you brought up semen.
That's none of your business about
what I do with my own semen.
Are you telling me
that if it's your semen,
you shouldn't have the right
to name the baby?
But it's my business. I don't tell you
what to do with your semen.
What am I gonna do with semen?
A normal man knows
what to do with semen.
I do normal things with semen. I wipe
it up and throw it away. What else?
Well, you could impregnate
somebody else and have a baby.
Okay. If I did do that and my partner's
name was Papalopadopalous,
I would use David as the last name.
That would be your prerogative.
And I wouldn't come to you and say
you should name it this or that.
Yes, but you knew deep down
that I was right.
And that's why you brought it up.
That's why you had a fight.
That's why you got kicked out.
Isn't that so?
Larry, you're out of order. Let me name
my own baby with my husband.
End of story.
I'm kind of surprised
you're sloughing off the blame on me.
And I'm equally surprised
you won't accept the blame.
I think I'm way more surprised than you
about the sloughing of the blame.
And I'm really wildly surprised
that you aren't accepting.
I am so incredulous that you think
I am more to blame than you.
- What are you doing here, Larr?
- Can I sue a temple?
For what?
There's a defamatory brick
at that temple.
- Yeah, I saw that.
- You saw that?
What was your reaction
when you saw that?
They can do anything they want.
It's freedom of religion.
Freedom of religion?
You just go around calling people
assholes,
and you put it on a temple,
that's not slander?
Anything else I can help you with?
How'd the filing go? Are we good?
Oh God!
Oh my God!
- Wait a minute. Wait, wait!
- Don't even say it.
- I forgot to file it.
- You forgot to file it?
How could you forget to file it?
I forgot to file it because of the shit
you put me through, Larry!
- It's my fault you forgot to file?
- Yes!
And if you accepted it,
then this wouldn't have happened.
Why did you get involved in my stuff?
- Well, can you file it now?
- No, I can't file it now.
- It's past the deadline.
- It's past the deadline?
It's past the deadline. I missed it.
Look, it's going to trial.
- I can go to jail for a year!
- We're gonna win the trial.
I'm confident we're going to win.
Don't worry about a thing, okay?
I'm gonna make this priority.
I know you don't want to hear it,
but I have to say it anyway.
What is it?
I think a great compromise
is Ziggy Zeckelman.
Can you leave please?
Do you want to win this trial?
- Yes.
- Stop naming my baby.
Okay.
And you didn't like Foots?
Tell me you got something good.
- I got the goods.
- Yeah?
Got something that's gonna
get us out of this mess.
All right, I'm all ears.
By the way, the fish is dead. FYI.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
You know, in a weird way,
I kind of feel like
me and you are that little fish.
We just want to swim and enjoy
our day, but we're stuck in that filter.
That's true.
We're like the fish.
We're stuck fish.
Squirming, screaming for help,
but trapped.
Not sick. Stuck.
Just stuck.
But if you stay stuck too long,
you're gonna get sick,
and then you're gonna die.
Maybe in some small way the fish
lives on through us being free.
Guess what?
We're getting out of that filter.
- Are you ready?
- Can you make us unstuck?
Oh yeah. So here's the deal.
I've got something to tell you.
I got something
that I got to tell you.
What, Freddy?
It's medical.
It's a medical thing,
and it's getting worse.
Don't do that.
Freddy, your hand.
It's called Groat's disease.
I have Groat's disease.
It affects the nervous system
and eventually I become incontinent,
and you can't even sit.
The shaking is the tip of the iceberg.
I have to sleep on my knees,
and I need 24-hour care.
And you'll have to hold my penis
when I pee.
I just can't.
The stents and the shunts
and the ports,
- I can't.
- I'm distraught, but I understand.
- I'm so glad you do.
- Go live your beautiful life.
Thank you. I can't. I just couldn't
do it again, you know?
Okay, okay.
So take off. Yeah, you should go.
Oh, you know what?
I really like that scarf.
- What, this?
- I's got a button, and it heats up?
- It keeps your neck warm.
- You like it?
- Yeah, it's nice.
- Please, take it.
- Please, no.
- You got to charge it.
- What? Really? Oh my gosh.
- It's the least I can do.
You press the little button there.
Yeah, that's gonna comfort you.
Keep your thyroid warm.
- Yeah, so go.
I'm sorry. It's latex gloves.
It's secretions. It's anal leakage.
- Yeah, just go.
- You're better off without me. Sorry.
Yeah, get the hell out of here.
Go! Please, go!
Go. Going. Going!
Gone!
Yeah!
I have a structured settlement,
and I need cash now,
Call J.G. Wentworth,
877-CASH-NOW!
Hello there. Welcome to the most
magical store at the mall.
Goodbye. They can't order you
to stop dreaming. Thank you.
- Hello, princess!
- Hi, sweetheart.
Do you have the Mickey Mouse
oven gloves?
You put your hands in the mitts,
I'm not sure.
Do you want me to check?
That'd be good. I just left mine
at my boyfriend's house.
We just broke up,
and I don't want to go back there.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
Well, it seems we're both the same.
My happily ever after has ended, too.
- Sucks, right?
- It's awful.
Well, mine was sick.
Well, my Prince Charming was sick.
What a small world.
Yeah. It's a small world.
I don't want to go through the thing
with the degenerative disease he had.
I didn't want to stay by.
I'm too young to deal with all that.
It's a terrible thing,
this Groat's disease.
Wait, what?
Did you say Groat's disease?
That's what my boyfriend, Freddy,
that's what he has. Groat's disease.
- What? Freddy?
- Yeah.
- Freddy who?
- Freddy Funkhauser.
Larry David.
Are you fucking kidding me?
- Can we get some lunch, please?
- I want a sandwich or something.
- They lied to us.
- Oh my God.
- Jenna?
- Hey. Dana. Hello!
You work at the Disney store?
Yeah, I work here.
Then why did you give me notes
on my script?
'Cause Larry David asked me to.
I used them. I got kicked out
of my writers' group.
- Bastards.
- Larry David.
Larry fucking David.
Those fucking pricks.