Curb Your Enthusiasm s12e09 Episode Script

Yeah, that's it.
That's the spot. That's good.
Cheryl tight same spot.
Only Chunhua can fix.
I hope so.
Cheryl so nice. She's so pretty.
Cheryl too good for you!
And Ted Danson.
He's handsome and flexible.
- Really?
- Yes. Don't be jealous!
You brittle like wood!
You are so skinny.
- Why you no eat?
- I eat. I eat plenty.
Your skin so dry.
You drink water?
- Yeah, I drink water.
- Not enough!
That's good. I like that. That's nice.
Finish!
That's it? What about this?
You're done?
You want happy ending?
You've only done 35 minutes.
I paid for an hour.
No, no, no!
- I don't want a happy ending!
- No! No, no happy ending!
I don't want a happy ending!
I just want an ending!
- I no happy ending!
- Are you nuts? What are you doing?
You mess with wrong person.
The woman's out of her mind.
That's all I said. "That's it?"
She gave me 35 minutes.
And the whole massage she's going,
"you too skinny".
"You need to eat. You have bad skin."
So she's insulting you the whole time.
And then she threatens me at the end
for something I didn't even do.
That's scary shit.
I'm a little nervous.
She's kind of off her rocker.
You know what? Cheryl was always
talking about her,
but I never used her.
I had a hunch about her.
If you had a hunch,
why didn't you say something?
Well, a hunch can be wrong,
so I keep my hunches to myself.
No. A hunch is something that's shared.
Otherwise, it's just a thought
in your head.
A hunch is like a sneeze,
gotta let that shit out.
Exactly. Eleanor Roosevelt.
What if she had a hunch
about Pearl Harbor?
Is she supposed to keep that to herself,
or should she tell her husband?
"Franklin, I have a very bad feeling
that something awful"
"is going to happen at Pearl Harbor
tomorrow."
"You must get the ships out."
Could you imagine
if she told Franklin the day after?
"Franklin, I had a hunch about that."
"Eleanor, you stupid twat.
Why didn't you say something?"
- You're rewriting history.
- You had no hunch.
You didn't have no fucking hunch.
Your fucking shoulders didn't go up.
And that mannerism is only good
for hunches and shit.
I had a hunch. You can't use
that shit for "Fuck you."
"You cheated on me. You ain't shit.
Don't come back here no more."
- It's exclusive to the hunch?
- Fuck yeah, it is.
You don't use that shit nowhere else.
How's everything tasting
over here? I'm the owner.
- Great salad.
- Are you Ollie or Al?
Actually, those are made up
deli owner characters.
My name is Lorenzo.
Let me know if you need anything, huh?
These fucking berries are fucking
delicious. You know what they say,
the darker the berry,
the sweeter the juice.
What do they say?
Darker the berry, meaning the darker
you are, the sweeter your juice is.
What?
If a cannibal ate me, he'd say
"Wow, this motherfucker's delicious."
You're saying that cannibals prefer
Black people to White people?
Fuck yeah, they do.
I think he's got a point, 'cause Dahmer
mostly ate Black people, did he not?
He did. If the motherfucker did,
he'd have to add condiments on you.
Yeah, you need condiments
for White people.
I got some great news. I got a call
from Bruce Springsteen's manager.
Bruce Springsteen is coming to town
on his farewell tour,
and he wants to meet you.
- He wants to meet me?
- Yeah.
- What?
- Yeah.
He was really moved
by you taking on that voter law.
- Get the hell out of here.
- Are you good with that?
- Yeah.
- It's exciting. I'll call his manager.
- Fantastic.
- The Boss.
Hey, what if I walked like this?
You start walking like that, they got
to give you your own fucking lane.
That way it won't throw regular
motherfuckers off.
This is, like, good exercise.
And I'm making progress.
I like that shit. You're moving along,
people see it,
everybody'll start doing it.
And then they'll add you
to the evolution of man chart.
Like motherfuckers who walk normal,
and then all of a sudden at the end,
like, modern day motherfuckers
walk like this.
You go down in history.
Shit. Let's get the fuck out of here.
Fuck you doing, man?
- Trying to get the zipper up.
- Do that shit in the car, man.
- It's easier to do it standing.
- You got to jiggle it.
- Yeah, I'm jiggling.
- You ain't jiggling right.
- What is it with these zippers?
- You're not a good jiggler.
Larry.
- Hey, Les.
- How's it going?
I can't get this zipper up here,
but whatever.
I haven't seen you since
Young Larry.
Leon, this is Les McCrabb.
He directed two
of the Young Larry episodes.
My man.
My episodes have had tremendous
feedback.
People have been saying they don't
look like any of the other episodes.
Yeah, they did have a distinctive look.
I only ended up doing the two episodes,
but I'd love to do some more.
Between you and I, I think
I'm gonna be busy anyway.
I'm in talks
about this Waze app feature.
- A movie based on the Waze app?
- Yeah.
Ron Howard's people.
A guy called Jeff Donat.
- Jeff Donat?
- Jeff Donat.
Yes, he's in charge of the whole thing.
Do you know him?
Don't think so. No.
I'm told he's way up there.
He works with Ken Puffin.
- Nice.
- Sounds like a good idea?
No. Not really.
What I do want to talk about
is my manuscript.
Hang A Lantern On It.
- Did you like it?
- I loved it.
Which bit did you like the best?
Oh my God, there's so many.
We need to talk about it,
because I need your opinions
before it goes to the publishers.
So it'd be great if you could
give me any ideas that you have.
We'll discuss the book.
It's great. It really is.
Well, we could now.
I mean, there's a seat here.
I can't do it now.
I got to take my friend.
He's getting a shingles vaccine.
We're kind of late.
- Does he have shingles?
- No, no, it's to prevent the shingles.
It's just recommended.
You should get one, too.
Well, you should get one. You know
what shingles means?
- It's herpes.
- What the fuck?
And you've been sat in the car
with him?
- He doesn't have it.
- I wouldn't get back in that car.
- Wait a fucking minute.
- It can kill men your age.
Food for thought.
Time is of the essence with this book.
I'm about to go away, and where
I'm going, there's no mobile phone,
so I'll be off the grid, as they say.
- Where are you going?
- A yoga retreat.
I plan to get a complete clear out.
Have you had a complete clear out?
No. What is a clear out?
Let's just say
it's a very delicate matter
where nothing is left
to the imagination.
I'm imagining.
There's an old saying at home:
"Every hole is a goal."
Do you want a hand with this zipper?
Hold this.
What? You don't really have to.
Les!
- You got to jiggle that shit.
- There we go.
- There we are.
- Good job there, Les.
Don't forget to call me.
I'm only here for a week.
- Motherfucker.
- Absolutely. I'll call you.
Hey, go fuck yourself, Crabby. Jeez.
That's the last guy in the world
I wanted to run into.
What was that, man?
He's the worst director we ever had.
I'd never hire him again.
I didn't read his book.
But you know what? Now I have to.
If you weren't spending
so much time on the zipper,
we would've been fucking
out of here by now.
The zipper delayed me.
I never would've run into him.
And being feeble didn't allow you to
fucking get that zipper back on track.
Wait a second. So you're saying
that I couldn't get that zipper up
because I'm enfeebled?
Feeble motherfuckers
don't even know they fucking feeble.
You know what?
When we get back to the house,
you're gonna put this sweater on.
I want to see you put that zipper up.
I'll zip it up. You know how many times
I've had to throw pants on real quick?
And the lady's husband shows up
or her boyfriend shows up,
I got to put that motherfucker on quick.
I never derail.
You got zipper karma.
You fuck with the zipper,
and the zipper fuck with you.
Can't believe
I got to read that book now.
Okay. You must be
Larry's new lawyer, huh?
I'm Sibby Sanders.
Hey, Sibby. Good to meet you.
My name's Leon Black.
- Hi, Leon.
- I like that lipstick you got on.
Thank you.
That shit's beautiful on your mouth.
- What's it called?
- It's called "don't go there".
Okay. I see what's up.
- You need anything?
- No, I'm good. Thank you.
Let me ask you a question.
In that bungalow I got back there,
I had a lot of hit and runs.
You know what I'm saying?
So if you ever want to get
in an accident,
that could be T-boned, sideswiped,
head on, or rear ended.
You feel me?
Well, look at you. You look great.
Really? It's not me.
The jury's not gonna buy this.
They're gonna see through this act.
I feel like a phony.
- How does he look?
- Like a mortician.
- Like you about to bury someone.
- Don't listen to him, Larry.
So you guys have met?
You ever have hot chocolate in the
house again, you let me know.
We got a little pending hit and run case
we're working on.
Get the fuck out of here.
Get lost.
- See you later.
- He lives here?
Yeah. I'm so sorry.
I don't know what he said,
but I'm sure it wasn't pleasant.
I'm used to it. It's okay.
So, the trial is in a few weeks,
and it's gonna be more about you and
how you're perceived than the facts.
The facts are indisputable.
You gave her the water.
So it's gonna come down
to the jury saying,
do we like Larry
or do we not like Larry?
Well, if it's coming down to that,
it's no contest.
That's right. Not in that suit.
- Leon, will you get that?
- I got it!
And in terms of being likable, you know
what my mother used to say?
"What's not to like?"
Larry, did you ask my masseuse
for a hand job?
- What?
- Shit!
- No!
- She's not a sex worker.
She's a masseuse.
She's a professional woman.
- Never did that. No.
- Is this true?
I didn't do that, okay?
I didn't do that, Cheryl!
Larry, don't talk to her like that.
That's a woman right there.
That's my ex-wife.
That's not a woman.
- By the way, I'm Cheryl.
- Sibby Sanders. I'm his lawyer.
- Good luck.
- This is a misunderstanding.
She gave me a massage, and then
she stopped after 35 minutes,
and I went, "That's it?"
And she misinterpreted it.
True or not true, this is an ugly
accusation at the worst possible time.
You got to fix this. You got
to handle this before the trial.
She is very upset, Larry.
Maybe I should go over there
and talk to her
and make sure she's even qualified
to be giving hand jobs to people.
I don't think that's necessary.
Does she like Bruce Springsteen?
Who doesn't like Bruce Springsteen?
I can ask her.
I'm seeing him tomorrow. I could
introduce her to him, maybe.
Why are you seeing
Bruce Springsteen?
He wants to meet me because
of Atlanta.
So you're gonna introduce her
to Bruce?
I'll try.
That would be big.
That would be really nice.
And hopefully that'll fix it.
And if Chunhua's gon' be there,
then maybe Bruce Springsteen
would like a hand job.
Oh my God.
He changed his rating
from a C to an A.
You're kidding me?
And you saw him do it?
I saw him do it.
He should've said B. If he said B,
it's not that far from A.
- You'd eat in a B?
- Yeah.
Springsteen eats at a B.
I'm shocked. I got to tell you,
I'm completely shocked.
A B is not that bad.
I've eaten at a thousand and one Bs.
I'm eating here.
I don't even know what this is.
What's the rating on this dump?
Bruce, my house is an "A-plus".
Trust me.
You know what I'm thinking?
I'm thinking I should call the health
department on this restaurant.
No, don't get involved.
Why? Is that squealing?
I don't even think that's squealing.
I don't know if it's full-tilt
squealing, but it's squeal-ish.
You could be eating in that restaurant,
getting sick and dying
because it's a C.
I could've saved your life.
I know one thing about Larry David.
Larry David is a man that gets involved.
Thank you, Boss. May I call you Boss?
Yeah. Sure, sure.
Hey, the thing in Georgia, the balls it
took to put yourself in that situation.
I told myself, "I want to meet Larry
David. This guy is a hero of mine."
Thank you.
He knew the woman. It didn't take
a whole lot of balls, really.
The woman in Atlanta?
That you gave the water to?
Why don't you mind your own
fucking business? Who cares?
- It's just a fact.
- Talk about squealing.
I still know I'm getting arrested.
I gave her the water.
You knew you were gonna be arrested?
- Well, I knew it was against the law.
- And you didn't care.
Les McCrabb. This guy sent me
a manuscript of his book.
He asked me if I read it. I said I did,
I loved it, and now he's calling me
to have an in-depth conversation
about it.
Same thing happened to me. This
musician gave me a demo of a band
that he liked and thought
could go somewhere.
After putting it on for two seconds,
I took it off.
- I never listened to the rest of it.
- Who was this?
- I don't want to say. We're friends.
- You could tell me. Boss, come on.
It was Don Henley.
And now, I'm self-conscious
if I get a phone call from him
or if I see him somewhere.
I would avoid him
for the rest of my life.
That's the situation you've got
yourself into with Mr. McCrabb.
That is great news.
Farewell tour completely sold out.
- Congratulations. That's great.
- Thank you very much.
Larry, good to see you again.
- Again?
- I'm sorry. I do this all the time.
I forget that I haven't told people.
It's been like 20, 25 years.
I used to work at Universal
when you were at Seinfeld,
and I used to be Kendra,
and now I'm Ken.
Remember, Kendra?
- Kendra Morris?
- Yeah.
I don't know if you guys know this,
but Larry and I used to hook up.
Let's just say it.
It's no big deal.
Sure, when you were Kendra.
- We had some great times.
- Yeah. Good times.
It's crazy you guys haven't seen
each other in so long.
Wait a second.
That's my water.
- I don't think so.
- I'm 100% positive that's mine.
I follow my water
like it's a three-card monte game.
I put my water down where
I can comfortably reach it.
But as you can see,
it's within my hash marks.
- It's in your hash marks?
- Within my hash marks.
All right, got it. This one's fine.
I'm fine.
It's so good to see you, Larry.
It is crazy how long it's been since
we've seen each other.
- You look great.
- That's so nice.
Still a sexy beast.
Look at you. Doesn't he look great,
you guys?
You've changed quite a lot.
Some people say that I'm as hot
as a man as I was a woman.
This guy. We had this little thing.
I don't know what it was.
Nobody's interested in reminiscing
and going over this stuff,
it's boring, really.
- It's not boring.
- I'm interested.
I want to hear a little more about this.
You'd come over, and every time
we were intimate,
we would have sex on the floor.
- On the floor?
- I'll tell you one thing.
Sorry. I didn't make you out
for a floor fucker.
Why'd you want to have sex
on the floor, Larr?
Because if you have sex on the floor,
nobody wants to hang out on the floor
afterwards,
so you can, you know,
put your coat on and go home.
So you don't have to bond or talk
or cuddle afterwards.
So what? Who wants to talk
to somebody you've had sex with?
I'm sure there was cuddling before,
though.
When Larry wanted something,
Larry was real cuddly.
Weren't you, Larry? And then,
afterwards, nah, not so much.
It's a small world, Larry.
You and Ken sleeping together?
No.
I slept with Kendra, not Ken.
- Kendra is Ken.
- Kendra is not Ken.
- No, Kendra's Ken.
- Kendra's not Ken.
Kendra's Ken.
I am Ken. You had sex with me.
Ken is Kendra. Kendra is Ken.
Ken is Ken, Kendra is Kendra,
and never the twain shall meet.
We've met.
I'm Ken, and we banged it out.
This was fun.
I'm glad when I came out here
I got a chance to say hello.
- Time to hit it?
- Let's get going.
Nice to meet you all.
See you, Larry.
- Good to see you again.
- You're leaving already?
- We got a thing. I'm sorry.
- Thanks for coming by.
I promise you, I will never mention
this again, ever.
- Can I help you?
- I'm Chunhua for Larry.
Yeah. This is Bruce.
This is Chunhua.
- Hi!
- Bye.
- What is that, Larry?
- What do you mean?
- That is not introduction.
- I introduced him.
I said, Bruce, this is Chunhua.
He said hello.
But no handshake,
no talk, not even picture!
I said I'd introduce you.
I introduced you.
No introduction! You fail!
- I didn't fail!
- You have nice house.
Was that not an introduction?
It was not a good introduction.
You bringing these crazy
fucking people into my house?
- Who the hell was she?
- She's a masseuse.
Get the fuck out.
You make Bruce leave early.
You bring some crazy broad in here.
Just go. I've had it with you today.
I don't need to stay anymore.
- What are you doing?
- I got to zip up before I go out.
What are you, six years old?
You can't do your fucking zipper?
All right, I'm going!
- Got it!
- Good boy.
Drop dead.
- Hey.
- I have Covid.
- You do?
- Yeah.
I had a little sore throat,
so I figured I'd take a test.
- What'd it say?
- Positive.
You have two red lines?
Yes, it shows the two red lines.
I fucking hate the two red lines.
Anyway, you better take a test,
you and Susie.
We will. Hey, by the way,
I was about to call you.
Turn on channel five, KTLA.
Okay. Hold on.
Sad news for Southland music lovers.
Bruce Springsteen
has been diagnosed with Covid.
What the fuck?
He is symptomatic, which means
he's had to cancel the final show
of his farewell tour
that was set to take place
right here in Los Angeles.
Maybe I was wrong about
whose glass was whose?
Do you think?
Get better soon, Boss.
I'm just calling people I've been
in contact with. Take a test.
Yeah, yeah, I know.
I'm quarantining.
It's very disappointing, because
I'd gone years without getting it.
I felt really special.
Now I'm just like everybody else.
It's too bad I didn't have
more social obligations.
It's such a great excuse.
The fridge is still humming. I think you
need to come back and fix it,
but I guess you'll have to wait
till I'm better.
Unless you wind up having Covid.
In which case, you know,
you can come tomorrow.
Yeah, I feel like a pariah.
More than normal.
Thanks for being so understanding.
Let me know if you get it.
We'll do something.
- What's up?
- Just contacting people.
Who you got left?
I got everybody but this guy,
Les McCrabb.
The British dude.
I can't really call him
until I read the book.
Man, you gotta let that motherfucker
know, Larry. This Covid shit real, man.
Don't keep fucking around.
I'll call him as soon as I read the
book. I'm sick. Don't harass me.
Harassing you?
You got me fucked up right now.
I'm over in that bullshit-ass little-ass
house, and you got the good bathroom.
I can't take number twos over there.
It's too small.
- It's pretty sad.
- You don't need all this house, Larry.
I'll switch places with you, okay?
You get the Covid, I'll live there.
Shit, I don't want Covid, man.
I don't know what that shit gonna do
to my dick.
How 'bout I get the house
and you live over there?
Maybe you could quarantine with me
if you had Covid!
- Don't do that shit, Larry.
- If you had Covid!
So then Tony says, "America's
not going to like that."
He was always speaking
as if his name was "America".
Any time the writers wrote something
a little audacious,
a little salacious,
Tony would poo-poo it
in the name of America.
This became increasingly evident
when I was directing Herman's Head.
You negative yet?
- Positive.
- Shit.
It's bad enough Bruce had to cancel
his farewell tour,
maybe indefinitely, but his health
is actually a real issue,
and we don't know
how this is gonna turn out.
Bruce Springsteen is saying he got
Covid from Seinfeld co-creator,
Larry David.
He tweeted, "I got Covid from spending
time with Larry David."
Come on. That's bullshit.
You don't know that.
And Larry's got a trial coming up
at the end of the month in Atlanta.
Getting The Boss sick?
That is not a good look.
Bruce tweeted, "I want to apologize
to all my fans."
- Hey.
- Are you watching this?
- Yeah, I'm watching.
- This is not good, Larry.
Yeah, I know it's not good, but you
know what? Maybe he gave me Covid.
What are we gonna do about this?
We got to put out a statement, no?
Putting out a statement is just gonna
keep it alive in the press.
Hold on.
Larry? Hello?
- Larry.
- You were saying?
So when Larry told me
he caught something,
I thought it might've been some
old people shit. You know?
Like whooping cough, scurvy.
You know what I mean?
Rickets and shit like that. That's why
I have my own Leon cup with a straw.
To what do I owe the honor?
Well, Susie told me about
your little "sex on the floor" trick.
"Sex on the floor" trick?
You used to tell me, "Let's have sex
on the floor because it's hot."
"That's how they do it in the movies."
You're a floor fucker.
You never told me that shit.
I like to have sex on the floor.
So what?
What's the real reason you wanted
to have sex on the floor?
- What?
- What is it?
I don't like to cuddle
and talk.
You don't like to hug the person
you just had sex with?
You can't hit it and quit it
with your wife.
Cheryl, listen, if after sex you wanted
to talk about the Rangers,
I would've had sex
on the bed every time.
How 'bout the way Breadman's playing?
He's really amazing, isn't he?
But you can't say, "I love you,"
and "you're the most important person
to me in the whole world"?
- People talk like that?
- Yeah.
That's what happens
when people have sex.
- They say stuff like that?
- Yes.
They say, "I love you.
You're very special."
Men do that?
Hey, by the way,
that masseuse gave me Covid.
No, Chunhua did not give you Covid.
She tested negative.
- She's really angry with you.
- Why?
You said you were gonna introduce her
to Bruce.
I said an introduction. He said hello.
- Did she get a picture with him?
- He was leaving!
- You need to make it right with her.
- Why? What do you mean?
- Because she's gonna take you down.
- What do you mean, take me down?
- She's going to "Me Too" you.
- For what? I didn't do anything!
You did something.
Just 'cause I like to have sex on the
floor does not make me a deviant!
Well, you better make it right.
Hey, you don't want
to get "Me Too-ed".
I was in a three-way, shit got messy,
and I got "We Too-ed".
I'll see you later.
Have you ever had sex on the floor?
Of course I did. Know what's even
better? Fucking in mud.
Hey, hey.
- All better!
- Oh, yeah?
- Covid negative?
- Negative.
Congratulations.
I got news for you.
- Susie's got Covid.
- Oh my God.
Susie's stuck upstairs.
I got the whole first floor to myself.
- This is unbelievable.
- It's a dream.
It's Jeff World down here.
I do whatever I want.
- Who's down there with you, Jeffrey?
- It's Larry.
- He's not supposed to be here.
- What? I have immunity.
And can I tell you something?
I feel like Superman.
- Do you really?
- I can go anywhere and do anything.
How could you be so happy right now?
You gave Bruce Covid, Larry!
You destroyed his life, his career.
He might never play or sing again.
- Poor Boss.
- That's right, poor Boss.
- His fans are devastated.
- Oh, the poor fans.
Everybody fucking hates you now.
It's all your fault.
You're a walking fucking virus, Larry!
Let me tell you something!
You're the virus!
Injecting yourself
into everybody's lives!
- You're the virus!
- You're the virus!
Your entire aura is viral overload!
I have a fantastic aura!
Jeff, don't I have a good aura?
A great aura.
Susie, leave the man's aura alone!
It's an epic aura.
I have a Hall of Fame aura.
You're small. You're petty.
You're jealous. You're trite.
I would rather be all those things
than the tattletale you are.
You had to tell Cheryl
I like to have sex on the floor?
- What the hell is that?
- I did have to tell. It was criminal.
You ought to be ashamed of yourself,
squealing like a little pig.
The fact that you wouldn't be intimate
and cuddle with your own fucking wife.
What kind of ingrate human
being are you?
Go fuck yourself. I hope you're up
here for another three weeks.
You cold-hearted,
Covid-carrying cocksucker!
Let's go watch the game.
Drove by Ollie and Al's.
"A" is still up.
You're kidding.
Where does that guy get off?
I'm gonna talk to him about it.
You have bad foot. Stop. Go. Stop. Go.
This no smooth ride.
Herky jerky.
When we see Bruce today,
I want photo.
I don't even know how
we're even getting in, okay?
I masseuse. Masseuse always get in.
Jeez!
- We love you!
- Bruce!
- We miss you!
- Bruce!
Asbury Park rules!
I got to pull over.
- Why stop here?
- You're gonna have to drive.
- We're sending our love!
- Feel better please!
We need you back on tour, man!
l still don't get how
you're gonna get in here.
Leave it to me.
- Hello?
- Massage!
l'm sorry,
we did not order a massage.
Somebody in this house
order massage. Open gate.
No, no one in this house ordered
a massage.
You order massage.
362 Bristol.
Open gate or I leave,
and you pay me.
Okay, come on in.
Unbelievable.
Larry. Where Bruce?
Follow me.
A house divided against itself
cannot stand.
Hey.
- Bruce!
- What the fuck?
- Hey, man.
- Larry.
What are you doing in my backyard,
and how did you get in here?
I laid down on the floor of the car.
She said she was your masseuse.
- They let her in.
- What?
By the way,
there's a lot of people out there.
Yeah, because they think I'm dying
from the Covid I caught from you.
Mr. Three-Card Monte with
the glasses. That's where it happened.
Hey, I'm almost 99.9% sure
that was my glass, Bruce.
- I lost my sense of smell.
- I'm so sorry.
There's nothing to smell.
Everything stinks.
You're better off.
Hey, what are you watching?
- Young Mr. Lincoln.
- Lincoln in Illinois?
- Yeah.
- I love that movie.
A house divided against
itself cannot stand.
That's a good Massey.
Now get the fuck out, please.
Okay.
Do you remember, Chunhua?
Bruce. I love you, Bruce.
She didn't get a chance to talk to you
last time. She's a big fan.
- One photo.
I'm sick as a fucking dog.
It's not really the best time.
- It'll just take one second.
- What?
There you go.
- Show me.
- There you go. Okay, man.
- No Bruce, only me and reflection.
- What am I supposed to do?
- You take photo!
- This is the last one!
- Larry, take the fucking photo!
- I took it!
Larry, what are you doing?
You guys can't be here.
He doesn't feel well.
- l'm sick.
- You got to get out of here.
I'm sorry about this.
I totally had a hunch
that this was not a good idea
that you meet Bruce.
That's not a hunch. I think you want
all the credit for being right
without doing any of the work.
If you had a hunch,
you should've said something.
- There you go.
- You need to get out of here.
- We'll take our leave now.
- Jesus Christ.
Steven, may I add, we're very honored
and appreciative of the time
we got to spend here.
Mary, why do you constantly insult me
in front of my friends?
Fucking Larry.
You got what you needed, right?
Oh my God, it's Larry David!
You gave Bruce Covid, you psycho!
No, no, no!
I didn't give him Covid!
You ruined the tour.
I had front row seats.
It was my last chance to see him.
Go, go, go!
Oh my God.
Did Patricia Heaton get
a little handsy?
Well, my friends, that is a tale for the
next book, because that's a wrap!
- What a piece of shit.
- Now you got to call him.
What's up, fellas?
Keeping it light today.
Lorenzo. I saw what you did.
I saw you change the sign
from a C to an A.
So I'm not about to eat food
from your restaurant.
- That C was undeserved.
- Really? How so?
One of my guys had sex
with a waitress on the floor.
Health department found out,
and then, boom, we got a C.
Doesn't even make any sense. Why
have sex with anybody on a floor?
There's plenty of places to have sex.
I have a couch in my office.
Maybe he just knows that women
don't want to hang out on the floor
and that he can have sex
and then just get dressed
and go about his business.
I considered that, and that pisses me
off more than this fucking C.
What kind of asshole doesn't want
to cuddle after sex?
That's what separates us
from animals.
We're not two badgers
fucking in the woods.
We are people who love one another.
Woman just gives herself
to you like that,
and you're not gonna spend
a little time thanking her?
And the fact that he couldn't throw
an arm around her,
talk about the rest of her fucking
It just takes one minute
of common fucking courtesy.
There's never an excuse not to cuddle.
That guy is a straight up sick fuck.
Well, you know, we don't know
anything about this guy.
Maybe he's just a nice guy in a hurry.
No. He is a dirty floor fucker
who doesn't deserve
to live amongst us.
- This is all on me.
- Really?
The place is clean.
We deserve an A.
I'd like to meet this guy.
We got something in common.
I could probably be friends
with this guy.
I only did it in my house.
He's doing it in restaurants.
It's sad to think that there might be a
guy out there who has sex on the floor,
and I'm never gonna meet him.
- That's deep shit right there.
- All right, let's go.
Wait.
What the fuck is happening here?
You read the book.
You know what time it is now?
- You got to call this motherfucker.
- Yeah. One second.
You got to do that shit right now?
Every moment counts.
You're gonna put that shit off again,
and this motherfucker's
walking around spreading Rona.
Okay. Got it.
Now call that sorry-ass
English motherfucker
and let him know he got the Rona.
Namaste, sister. Thank you.
Mahmoud!
Lovely to see you again.
Wonderful to see you, too, brother.
Bye-bye, phone.
See you in a week.
Here you are, everybody!
Fantastic to see you. I didn't sleep
last night, I was so excited.
There you are.
Give me a kiss. Come close.
I was hoping you would be here.
My brother tells me
you're pregnant again. Let's do this.
Now, everyone, I want you to take a
cleansing breath before we take off.
Great. Right, let's go.
Let's not be fucking late.