Birds of a Feather (1989) s13e00 Episode Script

1 What'll I do When you are far away And I am blue? What'll I do? When I'm alone With only dreams of you That won't come true ALL: What'll I do? Bring them over, please.
Four.
That's right.
Thank you very much.
Hello? Would someone please open the door? Oh, it's you.
I was hoping it was Meals On Wheels.
I put the chain on the door when Tracey goes out.
My nerves are shot to bits ever since - You got slaughtered on tequila slammers and fell off the barstool.
I've missed your cruel yet witty banter, Dor.
But don't worry, you don't have to show me any consideration now I'm differently abled.
What's going on, Sharon? Corporate negligence, that's what.
A punter spilled a Slush Puppie on the bookies' floor and I slipped on it - went Aris over apex.
I think I broke my coccyx.
But the X-rays were inconclusive.
They couldn't penetrate all the way to the bones, you mean? So while you've been swanning around on your luxury cruise - Er, it wasn't a holiday.
I've been working my passage.
I bet you have! I don't call that work.
Giving a couple of readings out of your smutty book.
Still, looking on the bright side, Social Services gave me this.
It's been a godsend.
I don't have to stretch for the remote any more.
Ow! Still got feeling in your legs, then? Yes! It's my back I've hurt! Oh! Why would you do that? Why would you kick someone in a wheelchair? I'm sorry.
I just thought You are gonna get better, aren't you? Fingers crossed.
Would you like a cup of tea? No.
I've got tea coming out of my earholes.
I tell you what you could do, Dor.
Take me from walk.
Just up the park.
I'm tired.
Can't you wheel yourself? Aw, please, Dor.
Staring at these four walls is doing my head in.
(SIGHS) Put your back into it, Dor.
Oh, sorry.
I've left the brake on.
This sauce is gonna split if we don't eat it soon.
(FRONT DOOR CLOSES) It's OK.
Sharon's back.
Welcome home, Dor.
I saw the suitcases.
We went to the park.
Then Dor took me to Molotov's for a few slammers.
And she wouldn't let me pay, either.
(GROWLS) This is impossible! There's a knack, Dor.
You have to just push it over the step.
(STRAINING) Oh.
Give it here.
There you go.
You unprincipled, unscrupulous, amoral - Oh, save your breath.
It's like water off a duck's arse.
I knew there was nothing wrong with you.
That's not entirely true.
I did incur a bruised jacksie as I hit the deck.
The wheelchair and neck brace are to con her boss out of 30 grand's worth of compensation.
You took me for a ride! Strictly speaking, Dor, you took me.
Isn't Travis joining us? He's not here.
He's off on his gap year.
Tracey has finally let her little soldier off the leash.
Well done, Tracey.
What's he doing? Pony trekking in Patagonia? Cycling through the Hindu Kush? Working in a bar in Marbella.
You can't spend your gap year on the Costa Del Sol.
I don't see why not.
At least everyone speaks English - and you get a decent cup of tea.
You'll have to be quicker than that, Dor.
I told you about using that thing at the table.
Why are you in that wheelchair? Because the insurance assessor might come round again.
And Fat Angela says they don't always knock.
Because when she was trying to sue the Council over that dodgy curb, which she claimed gave her a prolapsed disc, the assessor snuck through the kitchen door while she was doing it with the milkman.
Which surprised me because she's supposed to be lactose intolerant.
Give me that.
It serves you right if you get caught.
You've got a real problem with disability, you have.
There's nothing wrong with you.
(PHONE CHIMES) Ooh! It'll be Travis.
(CHUCKLES) He's so reliable.
He has to call or text her every dinner time.
Stretching the apron strings all the way to Spain.
Just finished his bar job and now he's off for his Spanish lessons.
Agh! Are you all right? Yeah.
I'd forgotten how sore it gets afterwards.
The swelling will go down eventually.
Looks good on you.
Not as good as you do.
(GIGGLES) I've got the day off tomorrow.
Fancy the water park? I'd love to, Travis, but I've got to take the ferry over to Morocco.
It's a work thing.
How long will you be gone? Hard to say.
Suppose I don't let you go.
(GIGGLES) Where did you learn that? Girl Guides.
You're hurting me.
Don't start getting all serious on me.
No, you're really hurting me.
Can't I come? Just for the day, and you can get on with whatever a travel rep does.
Your mother said you weren't to leave.
She doesn't tell me what to do.
OK, she does, but I don't have to do it.
Pass us my reacher, Dor.
Get it yourself.
Have you got any idea where he's gone? Because he's supposed to call me every day.
As soon as you hear from him, can you tell him to contact his mum? I haven't heard from Travis for three days.
He's a healthy young man, with a young man's appetites.
I know, but he gets his dinner at the bar.
You're getting yourself worked up for no reason, Trace.
No reason?! No-one's heard from him since Friday.
Something's happened to him.
He could be in hospital in a coma.
He's gone to Morocco with his girlfriend.
There you go.
Why didn't you tell me he had a girlfriend? He asked me not to.
He thought you might overreact.
Who is this girlfriend, where's she from? She could be from some kidnapping gang! And they accuse me of having an overactive imagination! I'm gonna have to go and look for him.
Do you have any idea how big Morocco is? Course! Me and Darryl went there once.
It's basically Monte Carlo and a car park.
No, that's Monaco.
Morocco is in North Africa.
Africa? My baby's lost in Africa? He could get mauled by a lion.
And you knew! Where's my passport? What can you possibly do out there? You don't even speak Moroccan.
Actually, they speak French.
Do they? Well, you speak French, you're gonna have to come with me.
I'm coming an' all, then.
I ain't missing out on a holiday.
It's not a holiday.
I'm going to rescue my son.
He'll turn up, Trace.
Then we'll have a holiday.
Oh, Morocco! I can almost taste the promise of exotic intrigue around every corner.
Desire and sensuality virtually hanging in the air.
I can actually feel it stirring my passion.
Could just be your cystitis come back.
Morning, do you speak English? Of course, madam.
Reservation for Stubbs, a room for three people sharing.
What?! Well, it's all they had.
A double and a single bed, I'm having the single.
In a hot climate I always sleep au naturel.
Oh, great (!) It'll be like kipping next to an old leather armchair.
Where is he? He's hardly gonna be in the first place you look.
Not Travis, the bloke from the embassy.
I emailed him.
He said he'd be here.
Well, there's one way to find out.
Is there anyone here from the British Embassy? Mrs Stubbs? That's me.
I'm her sister.
And I'm - Our diplomatic bag.
Dorien #42f610, AKA Foxy Cohen.
Perhaps you've read my - Are you from the embassy? From the consulate, actually.
Rupert Julian-Jones.
What is the difference between an embassy and a consulate? Ah, well, one's mentholated Never mind all that.
Have you found my Travis? Something's happened to him, I know it has! We haven't the least idea of your son's whereabouts.
So there's nothing you can do? Morocco is a very large country, and I have a very small staff.
Don't look so disappointed, Dor.
If you can't help us, we'll have to find him ourselves! Well, do please be careful.
This isn't Romford.
There are a lot of desperate characters, and things can get very violent very suddenly.
Have you been to Romford? There's not a sign of Travis in there.
Where's Dorien? Doing what she does best.
Don't she ever give it a rest? She's frightened it'll seize up.
Well? Well what? Has he seen my Travis? Ah, sorry, forgot to ask.
Hold on.
They've got really good knock-offs, Trace.
Look, "Channel", "Mock-shino" "Dolce and Banana".
My son is hovering between life and death and all you can think about is shopping.
Gimme it.
Give me Tracey, let go! (TEARING) Leg it! Come on, quick! Move it! (IN ARABIC) Aaagh! (SOUK TRADER SHOUTING) Well, you've gotta give him full marks for persistence.
I think he's gone.
Thank God.
These heels aren't made for running.
Maybe they'll remember Travis in here.
I don't think I could face another bar, Trace.
First time I've ever heard you say that.
(TRADITIONAL MUSIC) Dor, do your French.
Excusez-moi, monsieur.
Mais vous avez Vince? Dorien.
Of all the bars in all the world I had to walk into yours.
People always say that when they come in here.
I've got no idea why.
I never said he was cultured.
Well, this is a turn-up.
Trace, how's tricks? Never mind all that.
I've still got the needle with you for defiling Darryl's funeral.
Well, I was led astray.
It wasn't my idea to have it off in the back of a hearse - was it, Dor? Guilty, m'lud.
Here, did you ever find your knickers? You were wearing knickers? It was a funeral.
You're a filthy animal.
Let me get everyone a drink on the house.
Come and sit down.
Samir, four house cocktails.
We don't have a house cocktail.
Yeah, well, use your imagination.
So, why are you hiding away in Tangier? Find you had a starring role on Crimewatch? Do me a favour.
I just fancied dialling the pace down a little bit.
I keep myself busy - bit of this, bit of that.
Bit of the other.
So don't you do anything kosher? Well, apart from her, of course.
So are you on your holidays? Yeah.
No.
We're looking for my Travis.
Who's Travis? My son.
He's gone AWOL over here somewhere.
Remind me what he looks like.
Samir, you recognise him? He would've been here in the last few days.
It's possible.
I'll check the CCTV.
Oh, please, God, he's on there! Don't get yourself in a state, Trace.
He'll be fine.
I know it.
Do you think Samir's got a girlfriend? I think I may have found something.
Is that him? Might be.
Can you rewind it a bit, please? Play it again, Sam.
Oh, that's good.
Why? Humphrey Bogart.
Ingrid Bergman.
You must have heard of Casablanca.
Yeah, of course I have.
I go there every week.
They've got a really good Costcutter.
It's the only place I can get my baked beans.
It is him! It is my Travis! (SIGHS) Two beers.
Oh, they do baked beans! I've really missed baked beans.
We haven't got time to eat.
You're gonna miss your ferry.
There's another one.
Trying to get rid of me? No.
But I've got a business meeting.
OFFICER: Police! Vamos! What? Run! Nobody move! (WHISTLE) Your rucksack! No, leave it! Stop! Whoa! What? What you doing? "Please stop!" Oh, my God! He must be banged up.
Why am I not surprised? I thought you'd said you'd know if Travis had been arrested.
I'm dreadfully sorry, but we've been severely understaffed ever since Brexit.
Boris has got most of my people negotiating yak milk quotas with Outer Mongolia.
But they can't keep him inside just because he had a dirty old jug on him.
Well, they can when the jug is part of a collection stolen from the National Museum.
(SIGHS) And when your son's brought in you won't be allowed any contact.
Oh, don't worry, I know the form.
Mum? Travis! Hey, hey, hey! That's for not staying in Marbella.
I did say no contact.
I thought you meant hugging.
Are they treating you OK, love? Compared to you, yeah.
Who's he, a lawyer? Rupert Julian-Jones, British Consulate.
We're doing everything we can.
Which so far amounts to sweet Fanny Adams.
But I didn't do anything.
I've never seen that old jug before.
It wasn't even my bag.
Angelina must've - Angelina? Some girl he's got mixed up with.
Do you know where we can find her? She's a travel rep.
She could be anywhere.
Do you know anything that could help your case? I know you, Travis, you're holding something back.
I'm not.
Honest.
Could you give us a minute, please, Rupert? Right, you're hiding something.
What is it? Promise you won't get angry? No, tell me first, then I'll decide if I get angry.
I've had a tattoo.
Another one?! Agh! You promised me you'd never get tattooed again.
I bet this Angelina's put you up to it.
Haven't I always told you never to let a woman tell you what to do? Listen to yourself, Mum.
This is why didn't want to say anything in front of that Rupert posh bloke.
Come on, then, show me.
Not in front of him.
Why? Where is it? Not on your - Mrs Stubbs? Visiting time's at an end, I'm afraid.
Bye, Mum.
Don't worry.
I'll have you out of here before you know it.
Well, I hate to pry, but it's vital I know everything if I'm to assist.
What did he tell you? It's personal.
All right? Hello.
Agh! Who are you? I'm the insurance assessor.
Acting on behalf of Mrs Theodopolopodous's employer.
Mr Arboretum? And? I need to speak with her.
The underwriters require a great deal more clarification about the circumstances of her unfortunate tumble.
Sorry, she's er She's not here.
I find that surprising, seeing as she claimed that the simple act of drawing breath was the equivalent of having 100 red hot pokers driven into her bruised and broken body.
Well, this is it.
What is what? The agonising pain is the reason why she's gone to "Lords".
But surely the cricket season's long over.
Lourdes in France.
Where sick people go for a miracle cure.
I see.
When might you be expecting her back? She didn't say.
Then would you get in touch with her and tell her I'll be back the same time tomorrow.
And unless she's been granted her miracle, she'd better be here.
Auntie Sha? We got a problem.
How is this helping me to track down this Angelina? Just having a quick one, Trace.
I hope one of those is for Dorien.
No.
I got a bog-off.
Well, hurry up! Don't rush me! This is one of my five-a-day.
Anyway, I thought the police were already out looking for Angelina.
I wanna get my hands on her first.
Why? Because she made my Travis have a tattoo on hisyou know where.
Where? You know.
Ooh.
(PHONE RINGS) Hello? Angelina? No, of course my Travis isn't OK.
He's rotting in some Moroccan prison thanks to you.
Hold on.
Pen.
Pen! Hang on.
Come on, pen.
Here, here.
OK.
(DORIEN MURMURING IN FRENCH) Come on, Dor.
Here we go, Avenue Omar Hakimi.
Oh, and here's number 24.
Looks a bit rough.
Look who's talking! Perhaps I'd better wait outside.
No way! We need you to parlez-vous the lingo.
It's open.
Hello? Angelina? I don't like this, Trace.
It's a bit minimalist for my taste.
(SHRIEKS) Don't do that! I've just had a thought.
If Angelina wanted to talk to you, why didn't she come to our hotel? Because she's on the run.
Fair point.
I've had a thought.
How did she get your mobile number? You know what? This could be a trap.
(LOUD THUMP, LOCK TURNING) It's obviously who's behind this.
Vince! He's got my Travis mixed up in this antiques racket and he doesn't want us poking our nose in.
Why assume Vince is involved? Because he's dodgy.
So are you! Granted, I'm a bit dodgy, but he's well dodgy.
Just because he's your bit of rough doesn't mean he's not in it up to his Speedos.
I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't knock us off.
And not in a way you'd like.
I can't breathe.
We've gotta We've gotta open a window.
I can't take this much longer.
Slap her, Trace.
Slap her hard.
I'm not hysterical.
No, but you're getting on my thrupennies! There's still no signal.
How you getting on with that tunnel? How do you think I'm getting on with the tunnel? I've only got a nail file.
That bloke in The Shawshank Redemption dug a tunnel with a tiny, tiny little hammer.
It took him 25 years! Oh.
I only saw the end.
Ooh! Oh, my God, he's gonna plug us into the mains! Don't make out it's like your first time.
Oh! Brace yourself, girls! (ALL SHRIEKING) I love you, Trace! I love you, too! I've got a can of Mace in my bag.
Get ready to run for it.
Excusez-moi, monsieur.
(GIGGLES, SPEAKS IN FRENCH) Aaagh! (SNIFFS) "Use by October 1989.
" It may be out of date.
I've never had to repel a man before.
(GRUNTING, CLATTER) Come on.
We can't thank you enough, can we, Sha? No.
Cheers, Roops.
Don't mention it.
(IN FRENCH) I bet she's talking dirty again.
It was nothing.
I'm just a lowly civil servant doing his duty.
Oh, you're too modest.
Has anyone ever told you you look a little like Tom Hiddleston? How did you find us, though? The local police traced the taxi driver.
The smugglers think Travis knows a lot more than he's saying.
Mrs Stubbs, Tracey, whatever he told you, I need to know, for his sake.
All right.
I don't see how it can help, though.
He's had a tattoo.
A tattoo?! Yeah, I can't believe it.
He'll be scarred for life.
I don't care about his stupid tattoo! Now, he must have said something else - about the antiquities, where they are hidden.
You wanna find that Angelina, she tricked us into going into that house.
My sunglasses have just flown out of the window! Stop the car! They're Valentino, they cost an absolute fortune.
Hey! Hey! Dorien, what do you think you're doing?! Did you notice how irate Rupert became when you told him Travis has a new tattoo? Maybe he's got a teenage son.
Or maybe he's the criminal mastermind.
You're barking up the wrong wrong'un, Dor.
Trust me.
Vince is behind all this.
Well, answer me this, then.
If Rupert is just a lowly civil servant, how come he can afford to wear a diamond-encrusted chronometer? What's a chronometer? A watch, Tracey! It's a knock-off.
I saw dozens of them in the souk.
They were ten quid each.
Oh.
Well, too late now.
Are we there yet? Does it look like it? We should see the casino any minute now.
Casino? This is a map of Monaco, you dozy mare! We're in Morocco! Mo-ro-cco! All right, it's a simple mistake.
Yeah, simple's the word! Turn around, Dor.
There isn't any point.
Why not? We're about to run out of fuel any second.
(SIGHS) Great (!) (DOORBELL) Hello? Anybody home? (WATER RUNNING) Hello? ('PSYCHO' VIOLIN STABS) Agh! That was close.
Thank you.
What are you doing in our house? And who let you in? Your door was ajar.
I was concerned.
(CLEARS THROAT) Is Mrs Theodopolopodous back from Lourdes? Yes.
But she's in the bath.
I was just scrubbing her back.
Really? Well, would you tell her I need to speak to her? Now.
Otherwise - All right.
Hold on.
Auntie? Mr Arboretum says he needs to see you.
(IN HIGH VOICE) Well, tell him he'll have to wait.
(NORMAL) I think he suspects you're not on the level.
(HIGH) Then tell him he's a nasty, suspicious so-and-so and he can sling his hook! Sorry, she's indisposed.
You must think I was born yesterday.
That was you in there putting on a silly voice.
She's not here at all.
Yes, she is! Poppycock! (WOMAN SHRIEKS) Forgive me.
I'm so very sorry, Mrs Theodopolopodous.
Do you make a habit of bursting in on poor, defenceless women in the bath? She could've had a seizure! I'm gonna have to report this, sexual harassment.
No.
Please.
It was all a horrible mistake.
I'm under a lot of pressure at work.
I'll recommend full payment of the claim if we could just forget this ever happened? (INHALES) Well Just this once.
Thank you so much.
(CHUCKLES) Cheers, Auntie Vera, you were brilliant.
My pleasure.
But tell Sharon I expect a nice treat when her compensation comes through.
I don't get these puppies out for less than 500 each.
TRACEY: Maybe we should call the AA.
DORIEN: We're in Africa, Tracey.
We'll have to set out on foot.
SHARON: Good luck with that, Dor.
Oh, that's just typical! Tracey, are you with me? It's getting dark.
Fine! Stay here, then, and starve! Ooh, moody! (SIGHS) What are you doing? Cooking a lizard.
What's it look like? Why? Breakfast.
If I can get this paper to catch.
They're not even magnifying lenses.
Oh.
Good point.
Looks like it's your lucky day, Liz.
Go on, off you go.
There you are.
Oh! Now you've wasted all the water! Well, I was hardly gonna drink it after a lizard had been in it! You weren't gonna eat it anyway.
You turn your nose up at couscous.
This is different.
I'm starving.
Don't worry about that.
We'll probably die of thirst.
Unless Dorien finds help.
No.
She'll be lying out there, a dried-out husk.
Vultures picking at her bleached white bones.
We should never have let her go.
No.
She'd be good for eating about now.
Gawd, it's hot! Oh, my God.
Look.
What? There's a KFC just over there.
Why didn't we see it before? I'm having a double-bucket family feast all to myself.
Oh, no, Sha.
I've lost my purse.
Maybe it's in the car.
Along with your marbles.
Can't you see that KFC? No, mate.
Oh.
Sha, I think I'm going bonkers.
It's all right, Trace.
It's just a mirage.
Blink and it'll go.
Has it gone? No.
Blink harder.
Has it gone now? Yeah.
Now I can see a camel.
That's not quite as bonkers but It's not a pink one, is it? No, it's more like camel-coloured.
Good.
Oh, my God! (MUSIC FROM LAWRENCE OF ARABIA) Phwoo! Morning, girls.
(CAMEL GRUNTS) Whoa! Oohh! Ugh! Here you are, Dor.
There you go.
(GROANS) We're so happy to see you.
Where did you get the camel from? There's a Holiday Inn just the other side of that big sand dune.
They do camel rides.
A hotel? So why did it take you 12 hours to come and get us? Well, I was filthy and sweaty, so I checked into a room and had a delicious long bath.
Then I realised I was famished, so I went for dinner in the Omar Sharif carvery, where I met a charming man who plied me with cocktails and invited me back to his suite.
Meanwhile, we've been stuck here, getting ready to gnaw on a raw lizard! I think you're overreacting.
Agh! Wow, you girls look like you've been on a wild ride.
I've been on wilder.
Stop that! Don't pretend you don't know exactly what we've been through.
All those pretty-boy looks and dimples don't fool me, mate.
It's because of you that my Travis is where he is right now.
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
See what I mean? Blatant! Cheers for letting me use your shower, Vince.
I was really rank.
Yeah, any time.
All right, Mum? Travis! How did you get out? Angelina got me released.
After she got you banged up first.
I'd like a word with that little madam! Hi.
You! I'm really sorry I got Travis mixed up in all this.
He shouldn't have gone back for my rucksack, but you brought him up too well, Mrs Stubbs.
WellI did my best.
That don't explain how you had a nicked urn.
I was going to use it as bait.
You see, I am an undercover antiques recovery agent.
That's so cool.
I tried to keep him out it but once he was arrested I figured he'd be safer in jail, until the villains broke cover.
And thanks to you, they have.
Who is it? Rupert.
I knew it! I knew there was a reason he was pretending not to fancy me! Angelina reckons Rupert's trying to top up his civil service pension by muscling in on the antiquities racket.
Wait till I get my hands on him! The important thing is you get the boat to Spain as soon as possible.
Why the unseemly haste? We're here, we may as well have a holiday.
I'm sure there are sights you're dying to show me, Vince.
I think you've seen 'em all.
You're all in danger, as long as Rupert thinks Travis can lead him to the stolen antiquities.
What's this got to do with Travis? Angelina's so brilliant.
My tattoo is really a map.
I needed a low-tech, hacker-proof method, in case anything happened to me.
That's ingenious! Do you mind if I use that in my new book? So you disfigured my Travis for life? Why didn't you just grass Rupert up to the local filth? We don't grass, Trace.
That's in England.
We're in Monaco.
ALL: Morocco! The local police can't touch Rupert.
He has diplomatic immunity.
I still don't see how you can draw a whole map on the end of Travis's poor little - It's on my back.
Thank God! (HORN BELLOWS) I fancy Cambodia next.
Don't even think about it! After what you put me through, you can spend the rest of your gap year in your room! My only regret is that I never got to rekindle my romance with Vince.
Never a hearse around when you need one, is there? (PHONE CHIMES) Ooh.
Come on, let's celebrate our escape.
My treat.
Champagne! (CHUCKLES) (MAN SPEAKS FRENCH OVER PA) Hold the champagne.
The ferry is going back to Morocco.
Why? Mechanical problems.
I don't think so.
Look.
What are we gonna do now? I've got an idea.
You are kidding! Excuse me? We're in a bit of a pickle.
Bit of a pickle? Excusez-moi, mesdames, mais vous parlez francais? (GEORDIE ACCENT) Sorry, pet, I don't know what you're on about.
What's the problem? You're English? Yeah, Newcastle, just over visiting relatives.
Well, we're having a bit of bother, and I was wondering Quick, this way.
We're clear.
I don't think anybody's following.
Come on, Sha.
It's Alifa, pet.
Bloody hell! We'll have a right good laugh about this when we get back to Chigwell, eh, Trace? Trace? Dor? Hey, you.
Money.
(SPEAKS IN ARABIC) Well, you can't stay here.
This Rupert geezer is bound to know this is where you're gonna run to.
You been shopping? It's a long story.
We need to get you out of here.
One-eyed Marc? One-eyed Marc.
I hear he's out of rehab.
Who's One-eyed Marc.
He's a pilot.
Oh, wonderful (!) (BEEPS HORN) Vince, mon ami.
This is the cargo I called you about.
You need to get out of Morocco in a hurry.
Can you help them? But of course.
(SIGHS IN RELIEF) For 30,000 euros.
That's a bit steep, mate.
They're free to try easyJet.
We don't have that sort of money.
Is there another way out of Morocco? Camels? I'm not doing that again.
I'm still picking sand out of my Versace.
Sharon can pay.
Me? Don't mess about, Sha.
That text on the ferry was telling you your compensation had come through, wasn't it? How did you know? I can read you like a book.
You've never offered to buy champagne before in your life! But 30,000 euros will wipe me out.
What do you think Rupert's gonna do when he catches up with us? Do you take debit cards? Of course.
Hope I get a window seat for this price! Merci.
(BEEPS) Incorrect PIN number.
Really? Sharon! Oh! I know what I've done.
I've put in Dorien's PIN by mistake.
I knew I'd never been to Primark! Ladies, your plane awaits.
(SIGHS IN RELIEF) We have a small problem.
My plane is only a four-seater.
So? There's only four of us.
And which one of you is the pilot? Hm? Someone will have to stay behind.
Not me.
I just bought the bloody plane! I'll just have a smoke while you decide.
Very well.
I'll stay.
Sorted.
Come on.
Sharon! We can't leave you behind, Dor! It's all of us or none of us.
Tracey, if you don't get on that plane, you'll regret it.
(MUSIC FROM CASABLANCA) Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for rest of your life.
Cut the cobblers, Dor! She only wants to stay so she can snuggle up to dimples there.
Well, I finally got rid of them.
Why don't we find ourselves a cosy little hideaway until the police deal with Rupert? (GIGGLES) (MUFFLED CRIES) (SIGHS) I hope Dor's gonna be all right.
Please, Tracey, this is gonna be the most expensive flight I'll ever take.
I'd like to enjoy it.
Not thinking about what that old trollop's getting up to.
(GRUNTS) Done him! Brilliant (!) Now who's gonna fly the plane? (ALL SCREAMING) Tracey! Where's Sharon?! I thought she was right behind me! Tracey! Pull the cord, you silly cow! VINCE: Alone at last.
Just me and you, Dor.
DORIEN: With no uninvited visitors dropping in.
(CHUCKLES) Look out, Dor! Ow! Dinner is served! Cracker, anyone?