The Graham Norton Show (2007) s13e05 Episode Script
Series 13, Episode 5
1 Tonight I've got two of the stars of the new Star Trek film.
Beam me down to the stage.
No, not the audience! I need them for the show! Get them back.
All right, try the other button now.
Oh, that's it.
Let's start the show! This programme contains adult humour.
CHEERING Oh, welcome, all! Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Hello, good evening, one, good evening, all.
We've got a packed show for you tonight.
- Captain James T Kirk himself, Chris Pine is here.
- CHEERING I know! The gorgeous Kim Cattrall is on the show.
CHEERING Star Trek baddie and Sherlock Holmes himself, Benedict Cumberbatch is here.
- CHEERING - I know! Plus we've got music from the lovely Bonnie Tyler, everybody.
CHEERING Yay! Bonnie Tyler.
Bonnie, of course, representing the UK in Eurovision this year.
Do you remember Bonnie back in the '80s? Do you, do you? She was massive! Well, massive hair.
That was certainly big.
That was the photo shoot for her single Total Eclipse Of The Heart.
What a massive hit! 14 million - cans of hair spray for that photo alone.
- LAUGHTER So pleased to be welcoming Benedict Cumberbatch to the show.
CHEERING Now, the thing about Benedict, he doesn't just do films and TV.
Benedict recently starred in Danny Boyle's award-winning staging of Frankenstein.
Here he is as the monster.
Terrifying! That is a terrifying scene when the monster is brought to life with electricity.
Imagine! What would someone look like if they'd had several thousand volts shoot through their body? - Hmm? Hmm? - LAUGHTER Benedict is also the star of the brilliant Sherlock.
- CHEERING - I know, I know.
There have been so many different versions.
The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes, Young Sherlock Holmes, and perhaps my favourite, Homes Under The Hammer.
LAUGHTER The Case Of The Avocado Bathtub! "Gone down in value?!" And Chris Pine is here, everyone.
CHEERING And Chris is starring with Benedict in the new Star Trek movie.
Oh, I love the way those Star Trek uniforms are so figure hugging, so flattering, aren't they? LAUGHTER Live long and prosper? I doubt it! More pie? Aw, no girlfriend? But, actually, you know, it's a stereotype that Star Trek fans don't have girlfriends.
Not all Trekkies go to bed alone.
No.
LAUGHTER Step away from the bear! This new movie is called Star Trek Into Darkness.
The budget was £120 million, ladies and gentlemen.
I know! WHOOPING Whereas the budget for the original series was £4.
50.
LAUGHTER "Hey, we've got three quid left! Let's have a party!" I used to love the old series.
Captain Kirk was so handsome.
What was it that he had that made him so popular with the ladies? Huh? Huh? Huh? LAUGHTER Let's get the guests on! CHEERING Later we will be having music from Bonnie Tyler.
But first, set your faces to stunned, it's Chris Pine! CHEERING There he is! Hello, sir.
How are you doing? - Really nice to meet you.
- Really nice to meet you.
Hiya.
Thank you.
Beam her down from planet hot, it's Kim Cattrall! CHEERING Hello, darling, hi.
Do some hugging.
And, Captain, the engines cannae take it, it's Benedict Cumberbatch! CHEERING Oh, hugging, hugging! Hello! Hello, hello, hello.
Sit yourself down.
Right CHEERING - Oh, shove up, shove up.
- Yes, let's get cosy.
- Shove up, get cosy.
- We've just met! - I know! It's like a Star Trek sandwich.
And, Kim, you get to choose between good Star Trek or bad Star Trek.
- Which is more appealing - good or evil? - I like a little bit of both.
Well, we have both available! Actually, I say it's a Star Trek sandwich, but in fact, Kim Cattrall, you are Star Trek filling in the Star Trek sandwich.
- Yes, I am! I'm the protein.
- Cos you were in Star Trek Was it six? Six, yes, The Undiscovered Country.
- I played the baddie, one of the baddies.
- Oh, did you? - How was it for you? - It was quite good.
And you? - It's very good, yes.
- It's really good fun.
- You want to take over the Enterprise, though.
- You do, but not in front of the captain.
- Oh, sorry.
- You played a Vulcan? - Yes, I did.
We got a picture of you there as the Vulcan.
Oh! Watch out for that laser! There are few people that can out act the pointy ears.
LAUGHTER But now, talking of fans, Chris, you've been all over the world promoting the Star Trek movies.
Where are the Star Trek fans kind of the wildest, the keenest? I don't know.
Here, Moscow is kind of incredible.
It's freezing in Moscow right now and there was a ton of fans out there that had stayed out overnight and it was like our own little version of Beatlemania.
It was fun.
Mind you, you got chased down the street in New York, didn't you? I did.
Oh, I did.
We were in New York.
Zach Quinto, who plays Spock, was there and he was on the West Side and I was on the East Side.
We decided we'd meet up for lunch.
He said, "Come on by to my place.
"I'm staying on the West Side Highway, "it's only a ten-minute drive.
" I said, "Absolutely".
I hopped in the car and got led out and as I'm approaching, I see just streams of people, streams of people, and they're not wearing all that much clothing.
They seem to be having a great time.
- It was Gay Pride Day in New York.
- Ah-ha! So I got let off and I had just come from the gym and I was wearing a tank top and these shorts LAUGHTER - I predict a riot.
- So I get out and I, you know You were like a party treat.
LAUGHTER So I start walking towards Zach's apartment, but there's this whole barricade set up in front of Zach's apartment, so I called Zach.
Zach's not picking up, I talk to the cops.
The cops say that to get to the apartment I have to walk round the block.
Slowly but surely Not many people know who I am, but I get very often the kind of, "Aren't you the?" And that started happening and I started looking around and I was getting very nervous and then I saw this very large gentleman wearing a sock LAUGHTER - On his foot? - Er - LAUGHTER About the same size.
LAUGHTER At which point I proceeded to basically make like marathon time back to - You just ran? - It was a second workout.
LAUGHTER - Did he chase you? - He was He was behind me for quite a bit.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Well, listen, Star Trek Into The Darkness No, Into Darkness.
- Star Trek Into Darkness, that's what it's called.
- Yes.
Star Trek Into Darkness.
I'll say it a few times, that will cheer everybody up.
And it's out next Thursday, 9 May.
- And this is your second outing as Captain Kirk? - It is indeed.
And what always strikes me, Captain Kirk is obviously very, very brave.
Very, very brave.
Very, very loyal also, but a bit thick.
I mean, he - Thick.
Do you mean thick like? - No, no, sorry.
That would be a very rude thing to say to anybody.
"I noticed in the IMAX, really quite chunky, yeah.
" LAUGHTER No, he's a bit He doesn't take any advice.
He's got all these brilliant people and he goes, "No, I'm not doing that.
" He's very headstrong, obstinate At least, the character that I play.
But, I mean, I think that's what's interesting about the series, is that it's not like Batman, or it's not Superman, it's not one man against the world.
I think in the beginning, my character feels like he is this one man against the world army and in his growth in the second film that we have now, he learns a lot about humility and what it means to be a leader of men and what it means to question yourself and the vulnerability that people in that position of responsibility feel.
And, Benedict, you're the baddie.
Can you tell us anything? - I know JJ Abrams is notoriously - I can't.
I shouldn't really be on a talk show cos I can't say anything about it.
- You're in the posters.
We've seen you.
- Am I? I'm allowed to say that.
- You're in it.
- No, I've seen the posters, they're crazy.
Yeah, I could say a little bit about him.
I mean, he is a terrorist.
And in the sense that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter, he does things for a good reason, for his reason, but he's pretty devastating.
He uses his wits as much as his brawn and that was fun to do.
- You play lots of mind games with Captain Kirk.
- I do, yeah.
We are sort of like different sides of the same coin.
There's a huge deal of shadow play going on.
It's a very interesting manipulation of Kirk and Spock, actually.
He plays with Kirk's humanness, which Chris just triumphs at, I think.
- He's a fantastic Captain Kirk, isn't he? - Yes.
CHEERING Those are big, big shoes.
Really big shoes.
Thick shoes, thick shoes to fill.
Thick shoes.
He's not only a thick man, he's also wide-footed.
William Shatner, honestly, you know?! But in real life - in real life, then, it sounds like Chris played mind games on you This is making me very paranoid - did you? Didn't you film in a real? Oh, yeah, there was one spectacular This does make you sound like a moron! LAUGHTER The point is this - we were in this incredible place called NIF, the National Ignition Facility, which is, er, in northern California, near Baltimore - and it IS Star Trek.
It is a place where they want to shoot lasers around this It's like a chemistry plant - it is huge, and they are aiming these lasers at a target that's half the breadth of a human hair.
Should it work - well, when it works, is what they like to say - it will produce a continual form of energy.
It will be an incredible thing.
Anyway, I go in there, going, "Wow, this is This is the real deal, this is incredible.
" So, already, I'm like, "Yes, OK, so, what can we not touch? "OK, that Everything's safe?" "Yes, you're allowed to walk here, it's fine, "we've cordoned off areas, it's safe.
" And then JJ gave me another page of This is just me basically excusing myself for what happened.
Before I arrived, I got on set I'll tell it from my point of view, and then he can tell it.
I got on set, and was told to put on neutron cream.
LAUGHTER Neutron cream! You know, neutron cream! This is America, this is health and safety, this is basically a walk-in lab and experiment.
So, I was gullible, and I just wanted to do You know, "Yes, I'll do what I'm told.
" So, I put on the neutron cream LAUGHTER "The neutron cream has to be applied," we told Benedict This is Simon and I - this is more Simon than anybody else You have to apply the cream, and it's just dots on your face.
So, here! Here's Benedict coming to set, and he's got these very intense scenes, and he's this super badass guy, and he's walking around with sunscreen spots - all over his face! - Oh, God! And in order to get the neutrons off of you Not only do you have to apply it, you have to jump up and down and shake your hands So well thought-out! Yeah - my science teacher is sitting at home now, saying, "See? I told ya!" I should have paid attention rather than farting around and acting.
But seriously, it was very, very funny, and they did a brilliant job of it.
Even the most burly kind of crotch-scratching, spitting, Americana grip He was much more gentlemanly than that, but I'm trying to build a picture - this was a man's man.
Even he, when they said, "Oh, everyone, "it's time to shake out now," he would jump around and do the neutron shake! So, I mean, they had me, they completely had me.
Well, this doesn't involve neutron cream, but it is the two of you in action - I don't think it needs any setting up, it's pretty self-explanatory.
Let me explain what's happening here.
You are a criminal.
I watched you murder innocent men and women - I was authorised to end you! And the only reason why you are still alive is because I am allowing it, so shut your mouth! Captain - are you going to punch me again over and over till your arm weakens? Clearly you want to, so tell me Why did you allow me to live? - We all make mistakes.
- Mmm I surrendered to you because, despite your attempt to convince me otherwise, you seem to have a conscience, Mr Kirk.
If you did not, then it would be impossible for me to convince you of the truth.
23-17-46 1-1.
Coordinates not far from Earth.
If you want to know why I did what I did, go and take a look.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING They're loving it, they're loving it! Star Trek is one of those things - it has The Trekkies, the fans, are Chris, your fans have a name, they're called? The Pine-Nuts, yes, know them well.
- WHOOPING - Yes! And, Benedict, what are your fans called? LAUGHTER The Cumber Collective.
- WHOOPING AND CHEERING - No, they're not! That is not what they're called, Benedict Cumberbatch.
This is BBC One - you can say it if you want, I'm not going to.
- Well, your fans - Cumberbitches! - Yeah! That seems a weird thing to call themselves.
I don't think they meant to offend themselves when they called them that.
I do worry about, you know, how far feminism has been set back, but there we go.
- Good on ya.
- Yeah, quite right, sister.
Do your fansdo your fans have a name, Kim? - A name? - Like Cattralligators or something, or? We spent a long time We came up with Cattralligators, Kimikazes or Kimbeciles - but that's quite rude.
Yes, that's very rude! The first one? - Cattralligators.
- I like that.
- I'm not sure it will catch on.
- No, no.
- Chuck it out on Twitter.
- We'll talk about it on Twitter! - The Cattrallicats! - The Cattrallicats.
- Oh, I like that.
The Cattrallicats.
Du-du-du-du, du-du Oh That's very good, very '60s.
- Yeah, hip.
- You bought the neutron cream, but that is quite clever.
The neutron cream obviously works! Quite a few fans in tonight, I know, and some of them seriously have travelled from afar.
Let's see who is the most devoted fan, who's travelled the furthest.
If you've travelled to see the guys tonight, put your hands up Oh, quite a few.
There's a lady with two hands up up there.
Hang on one sec.
Da, da, da, da Now, stand up, do! - What's your name? - Anna.
- Anna.
And, now you are aCumberbitch? - No.
- You are? - Chris.
- You're a Nut.
- Yes, I am.
- A Pine-Nut, everybody! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Where have you come from? - Kent.
- Where? - Kent.
Kent.
Yeah.
Whoo! She is crazy about you, Chris! Kent! I mean, it will be ten o'clock before she's home.
Keep your hands up, keep your hands up! Oh, hello! Stand up, do! - Oh, hello.
- Hello - where are you from? - Kent.
- Oh, for God's! OK.
Let's just rule Kent out, er Anyone who didn't come from Kent? OK.
The lady there - stand up, do! Where are you from? - Hi, I'm from Germany.
- And did you come from Germany? - I came, I took a 20-hour bus CHRIS: - Oh, my God! - .
.
to London.
- Wow! - APPLAUSE - That's impressive.
So you'll be too familiar with Kent, won't you? - What was your name? - Sheng-Lin.
Sheng-Lin, from Germany, 20 hours in the thing Are you a? Well, let's try and guess.
I'm saying, Cumberbitch? - You are a Cumberbitch? - Yes, I am.
- She's a Cumberbitch! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! Oh! I can't believe it! Oh, my God! Oh! You You've started - Where did the microphone come from? - You've started something now! You've started something now.
- So, where are you from? - Hong Kong! - Hello! - CHEERING AND LAUGHTER Who are you here for? I'm coming for Benedict! Hi! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Oh - more kissing! Hello! See you again! - You really flew in? - Yes! I took a 12-hour direct flight from Hong Kong to here, and I apply five-day annual leave from the work - to see you! Oh! APPLAUSE Grab a seat - yeah.
Very good, very good It's not 20 hours on a bus, that's all I'm saying.
You got fed, there was wine, you know Now, who else had hands up? Hello.
Who are you here for? - Germany.
- Another Germany person! - Yeah.
- Did you fly or bus? - Erm, no, we flew.
- Oh, I've no interest LAUGHTER Stand up, do.
Where are you from? - Nebraska.
- Nebraska Oh, you've dropped something.
- That's all right.
- You've got a little thing there Er, so, er Do you? - Now, do you live here? - No.
- You flew in specially from Nebraska.
- Yeah.
- No, you didn't.
- I did.
- Did you really? - Mm-hmm.
- All the way from Nebraska? - Yes.
- For this? - Yes.
God! Er And who are, er? Now What do you think, Pine-Nut? - Cumberbitch.
- It's another Cumberbitch! OK, stand up, do - Hello - what's your name? - SHE SPEAKS JAPANESE - Sorry? - SHE REPEATS NAME IN JAPANESE Hello, hi.
Erm, where are you from? Japan.
- Did you fly in from Japan? - Fly, yeah.
- Specially? - Specially.
Yes.
- AUDIENCE: Aw! - Oh, now, so, this is it.
LAUGHTER Japan is the Japan's further than Hong Kong, isn't it? - AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes.
- OK.
So, er So, Japan - and you're here for Cumberbitch or Pine-Nut? Pine.
- It's a Pine-Nut! - Pine-Nut! - We have a Pine-Nut! You have to now, you have to! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Thank you.
Thank you for travelling in.
- I'm going to say hi to Kent, all right? - Oh, go on! Hey, Kent! How are you? Thank you for coming in.
- Thank you! - Thank you for coming! Kent? Yes? Pine now! You get back down, you get back down! WHOOPING Oh, that was very good! - Erm, what nice - He just kissed one of my bitches! I LAUGHTER - You said it! - I can't believe it, I've been drawn into their game.
Can we have a nice Venn diagram of Pine Bitches, maybe? Join forces - there's no reason for them not to be friends.
- Well, they'll be Trekkies now, that's what they'll be.
- All right.
- Another big family, OK.
- Hey, here's the good news Kim Cattrall is in a play! - WHOOPING - You really Yes, very good! And you know, you think, "Play, schmay" - But this is very posh.
- Yes, it is.
- Exciting.
- Old Vic, lead role, Tennessee Williams - I mean, it's as posh as it gets for theatre, really.
- Oh, thank you! - You must be thrilled.
I am, I am.
This has been in the works for about two years.
Er, called Sweet Bird Of Youth, it's about a middle-aged woman, who is, erm, a drug addict, er, an alcoholic and, er, a sex addict.
LAUGHTER - I thought, "Why would they cast me?" - You're selling it really well.
Really well! Just go with nudity, yeah And her boyfriend is a 26-year-old stud.
WHOOPING I'm auditioning tomorrow.
No, it's been cast, it's been cast! - What's his name, Seth Numbruck? - Numrich.
- Numrich.
- Yes, yes, he's There he is.
- Oh, there you are! - Yes, at the Oliviers.
- And of course, the director - Marianne Elliott.
- .
.
she won an Olivier, didn't she? - Yes, she did.
It's like tick, tick, tick, tick.
Yes, all ticks, all go.
Please come see it! The character you play is famous, she's a star Yes, she's a big, big star in the '50s.
It all happens in the '50s, as most of Tennessee Williams' plays do.
And she was like a Gene Tierney character, a very, very big star - and then, erm, she got into sort of middle-aged, and then, you know, thethe opportunities stopped, the roles were not there any more.
And then she started to drinkand drug and sex.
- Well, you know, you've got to fill the days.
- Yes! And can you kind of relate to her fame, or was fame different in the '50s? I think it was different in the sense that they weren't Television was just beginning, and I think then that they were so iconic - I mean, they obviously are now, people are flying in from God knows where, it's fantastic! - Japan, yeah.
- Japan, exactly! It was Or Kent! WHOOPING But I think there was just fewer of them, and they weren't really seen in public except in Hollywood maybe, or, you know, very, very rarely.
So, now, I think that because the world is a smaller place, you know, it IS a different time.
- And people have access as well.
- Totally, yes, internet.
It previews for 1st June, but then, it's really good by the 12th.
Er And really great by August 31st! The last time I saw Benedict was at the National, where you and Jonny Lee Miller were swapping - Oh, that was so great.
- .
.
playing the doctor and And he's so naked, that poor monster, for a long time! - Yeah.
- Because nudity in plays is normally brief.
- It's not You know, but - It was a good 15 minutes.
- Yeah.
- And then there was the time the audience were coming in - before he gets sort of reborn.
- Yeah, you were in that big sock.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah - that's as kind a term that I've heard for it, that's good! Big latex diaphragm.
No, there was one night when I was sort of suspended there, sort of, you know, like Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man, sort of spinning around I could hear people coming in, and they went, "Oh, no, is it him? "I wanted to see the other one playing the Creature" "Great, OK, fantastic.
So, I've just got to flop out naked, "and try and persuade you it was worth the money and the wait!" It must have been odd when people you knew were in, - sitting close - Yeah, no, well, I had, erm, Olivia, my ex-girlfriend's mother, and her, were both in, and she said, "We got tickets quite near the front - is that a problem?" I went, "Erm "Not if I angle myself in a particular way, "it should be all right, but there's always the" - You don't want your mother-in-law just - Being tea-bagged? No.
LAUGHTER It's, er It leads to an awkward Christmas, doesn't it? Yeah, I was very nervous that night.
I was nervous every night, it was It was a hard ask, but it was an incredible challenge.
- Kim - It was terrific.
- Thank you.
.
.
you just tell people you're doing full nudity, sell the tickets, and then when you don't, no-one can complain because it'll make them seem like a perv.
- That's just my marketing tip.
- I think I'll put that on my i-Phone.
Just a marketing tip! Unlikely Because Chris Pine, you seem like a movie star - you look like a movie star, you seem like a movie star.
- He IS a movie star! - Goddammit, people have flown in from Japan! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - But you actually have done loads of stage work.
Yeah, I've done quite a bit.
I've done three plays in Los Angeles, one at the Geffen and the Mark Taper, and Two at the Geffen, actually, which are the bigger theatres in Los Angeles, and had a great time.
Did a play by Martin McDonagh at the Taper, - called The Lieutenant Of Inishmore - Oh, yeah.
- Good play.
- I love it, I just love the As you know, performing to an audience, there's nothing like that energy of feeling the audience, which is simply - not there in film.
- Do you miss that immediate reaction to things? I do.
The last time I was on stage, I did this thing, Lieutenant Of Inishmore, and I'd go to the wings five or ten minutes before, and I wasn't on right away.
But you get It is an electrical charge that is unexplainable.
It's this beautiful kind of, erm And it changes from night to night, it varies, and the energy's different, but there's nothing quite - No.
- There's just nothing quite like it.
Presumably, because it's live, stuff just happens that - you don't plan for? - Stuff happens, and I'd love to hear your stories, but yeah, I was doing a play, erm, and it was the classic, the Sunday matinee - we have matinees on Sundays in the States And, er, there we were, and it's a high-pitched, fast-paced play, so there's no breaks, and our director was constantly, "No breaks, no breaks" Then finally there's a pause.
In this pause, I'm looking at the woman that I'm in love with, we're going to reconcile, it's a moment of tremendous drama And then from just stage left, you hear, "Louder, please! "Louder! "Louder!" You know, you're in the tension of the moment, you're trying to maintain a certain amount of, you know, of, there IS a fourth wall.
- Yeah.
- And you take a breath, and you're like, "I'm not going to respond to this, not going to respond.
" And I go to say my line "Louder, please!" And so, then, finally, we we talked to this woman, we told her to shut up and please leave Did you say it loudly? Did you hear that?! It's quite something, and you just have to get on with the show.
So, she was ushered out and we just kind of got on with it.
For Kim, I just love that - here you are, Tennessee Williams, at the Old Vic, in London, and I was reading, like, your first role on stage Like, it's been a long journey from your first role to here.
- Yes.
- Because didn't you play a cold germ? - Yes, I did.
- Do you want to hear some of it? - You're kidding - do you remember it? - Yes, I do! - What was the name of the play? Er - Piffle It's Only A Sniffle.
And, er "Hurray, hip-hip, "I'm post-nasal drip "I am His Highness the headaching sinus.
"I woo with fluenza and rhapsy cadenza "and I think it's so much fun to make your nose run.
" Well remembered, very good! - Mind you, it was only last year.
- Yes.
And, Benedict Cumberbatch, it's a huge year for you, not just Star Trek That would be kind of enough, but you've also just started filming the new series of Sherlock.
- I have, yeah.
- So I know! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING It's just brilliant, it is just brilliant.
- Presumably it starts off where the last one finished.
- It does.
We're halfway through the second episode now, - so we've done the explanation - Of the jumping off the building.
The reuniting of Watson and Sherlock, yes.
Now, we've got This is you now, this is you re-filming it.
Yes.
- Is the explanation, you're hanging off a rope? - Er! And also I think I hadn't remembered my lines, and they decided to hang me up in the lunch break.
But look at all the people in the street - do all those people now know what happened? Ye Erno.
No, I'd say that they definitely don't, that's the brilliance of it.
Well, they know SOMETHING happened.
We all know SOMETHING happened, yeah.
That's a given, but, no, they don't They really don't.
That's what's really enjoyable about it.
Was it odd going back to be Sherlock, to match up, because for Star Trek, you've totally beefed up and been to the gym and all that? I've got quite skinny again now, and he's a bit more of a lean thinking machine.
He runs around and he does things, but he's not the kind of warrior and combat weapon expert that my character in Star Trek is, but, er Yeah, no, it wasn't difficult.
There was a huge lag as well.
We finished in May or something? - Mm-hmm.
- About this time last year.
- Oh, wow! In the meantime, I've done other things, and lost a bit of Chunka Munka weight.
- That sounds wrong, too.
- Does it? Only in your sick, warped mind, Graham! - Well, chunka-munk sounds - Chunka Munka's like an ice cream! - Sounds like a candy bar.
- Exactly! - Yeah, it does.
- I've never heard of it.
- OK, I mean HE GROWLS LAUGHTER - OK! The famous dialogue, the speeches - Yes.
- .
.
that Sherlock does - The deductions.
"Must have been after midnight - bla-bla-bla-bla-bla" - Very good! - Those things - are they incredibly hard to learn? - I make it up.
- No, you don't! No, of course I don't.
They're amazingly hard to learn, yes.
Actually, not just hard to learn, but you have to speak them at the speed of thought, so you have no thought time.
Even now, when I'm thinking of what to say next, I'm going to my brain, to some weird dusty file ofoh, words, that can make sentences! Whereas in that, you just have to goand hope it's all there.
And that is hard, that is tricky.
And when you're doing it, are you acting, or are you just remembering it? Hopefully I'm acting as well, Graham.
Because otherwise I'd look like an actor going, "Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da - did I get that right?" And hopefullyhope to God it's not that.
- I'm just wondering what was going on in your head.
- Oh, in my head - oh, that's No, that would be telling.
Usually it's like driving a very fast car and going, "Oh, my God, "is that a wall?!" That's kind of what it feels like.
- You should know, you went to theatre school.
- Yes, you did, Graham! - All this naivety about - Yeah! - And look at me now! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Now, Benedict - Yeah.
Er, Benedict, we must talk about your voice, because you doyou've got this fantastic voice, and you can make anything sound sinister.
- That's very kind.
- Well, you can! It's really kind of chilling.
And we just wondered, can you make ANYTHING sound sinister? So, one of the things I've got to do, I do a trail for the show - - you know, watch this week, du-duh, du-duh - Yeah, yeah.
- So, if I do it as I do it - Yeah.
.
.
but then if you could try it, but make it sinister, could you do that? I'll be really tempted to impersonate you, but OK, I'll do it.
So, this is what they normally are like.
You've seen these on the telly.
OK, so Join me with Hollywood heartthrob Chris Pine, theatrical siren Kim Cattrall, one of the hottest actors around, Benedict Cumberbatch, and flying the flag for Britain, Eurovision hopeful Bonnie Tyler! Woo-hoo! Friday 10.
35 on BBC One and BBC One HD.
That's that, OK.
So, can you try that? - Oh, God, what, at that speed? - No.
- And sinister? - No - that was just upbeat, and - OK.
- So, you sit in there.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING OK - OK, can you read that? - This is important.
Lean forwards! Er! - OK, so - In a sort of sinister way? OK Sinister as you like.
Join me with Hollywood heartthrob Chris Pine, theatrical siren Kim Cattrall, the hottest chat show host in the world, Graham Norton, and flying the flag for Britain, Eurovision hopeful Bonnie Tyler! Whoo-hoo! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - And the last bit as well? - Go on.
Friday 10.
35 on BBC One and BBC One HD You're making this look easy! - Stay there, do the music! - What, the rest of it? AS GRAHAM: Oh, stay there, I'm enjoying this, introduce Bonnie Tyler, right.
It's time for the music! LAUGHS AS GRAHAM LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - That's very good! - That's very good! - You want me to do the rest of it? - Yeah, go on, introduce her! - As me? - Well, whoever.
I don't know, just read it out loud! - OK.
- Put the music on! Right, it's time for the music now.
The singer has had a number one has had number one albums on both sides of the Atlantic, has sold over 20 million records, and now, has set her sights on EurovisionSong Contesttriumphing.
I'm making it up, I told you Singing the UK's entry for Malmo, Believe In Me, please welcome Bonnie Tyler! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING You say you don't believe in signs from up above And you laugh at the thought of putting your faith in stuff Like love You never see the rainbow You just curse the rain You say You wanna believe But it's just not worth the pain Today Well, that's all fine If that's how you want it to be But if you're feeling alone and afraid And you can't breathe Believe in me-e Yeah Believe in me-e Yeah Believe in The way I look at you And stand beside you The way I speak the truth I'd never lie to you If you'd just believe in the things that your eyes can't see Believe in me You come and you go and there's never no compromise That's why The seconds and the minutes of the tears of your life Go crawling by Well, that's all fine if that's how you want it to be But if you're feeling alone and afraid And you can't breathe Believe in me-e Yeah Believe in The way I look at you And stand beside you The way I speak the truth I'd never lie to you If you'd just believe in the things that your eyes can't see Believe in me What you gonna do when your ship is sinking And you're crying out for help and just the seagulls listening In the dark of the night In the middle of the fight When you're reaching out for something and there's Nothing! Believe in me Believe in me-e Yeah The way I speak the truth I'd never lie to you If you'd just believe in the things that your eyes can't see Believe in me.
APPLAUSE Thank you so much! Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie Tyler, come and join us, do! Oh, fabulous job, you lovely lady! Mwah! Mwah! Bonnie Tyler, everybody! Come and sit down! That's Benedict, Kim, Chris Marvellous! APPLAUSE CONTINUES Oh! Bonnie Tyler, thank you so much for representing the United Kingdom at Eurovision.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, I have to tell you You know you've got people from Germany here? I was in Germany, in Cologne, when they had a Star Trek, er I, well What happened was, I checked into this hotel, I got up in the morning, I thought I'd landed on Mars.
They had one of these conventions there, and everybody was dressed up! You know, all these crazy - costumes, you know? - Well, that will prepare you for Eurovision! - Yeah! - Do you know what the Eurovision Song Contest is? - No.
- It's very good.
- LAUGHTER - Explain it to me - It's - It will be this year.
- He hosts it.
- No, I don't host it.
- Well, for us, you do.
- I talk over it.
Erm! I annoy people.
Er It's a panerEuropean And we use the word European very loosely .
.
er, song contest, and Bonnie Tyler here - is representing the United Kingdom.
- Fantastic.
- Yes! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING We're just hoping that we don't come last for a change, you know?! Laughing now! As long as I do a good performance on the night, - I don't care what the score is.
- No, no.
I'd love to win it for the UK, but you know, as long as I know I'd done a good job - It's watched by something like 120 million people - Yes! .
.
and as luck would have it, the song you're singing, - it's on your new album! - Exactly! - You know - How did that work out? - How did that work out? - But as you say, it happens to be on my album, but it wasn't meant to be in the Eurovision.
This album was hopefully going to be out last October, but because somebody liked it for the Eurovision, we've had to put it back now, and it's coming out, erm, in a couple of days' time.
- But it's a great shop window, Eurovision.
- Yes! 120 million people, you know? It's good publicity! If 1% of them buy it, you know! Kerching! - So, Believe In Me - Yeah.
Eurovision is on the 18th May.
I'm predicting top five, Bonnie.
- Top five.
- Oh, I think you're hoping a little bit too much, - you know how political it is with our country.
- Bonnie - allow me to dream.
- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - It's Bonnie Tyler! Thank you.
Before we go tonight, just time for the red chair, so, who have we got? Hello! - Hello.
- What's your name, sir? - Chris.
- You wearing shorts? - I am.
Mmm.
Brave for the evening, I thought! - So, what do you do, Chris? - I'm an engineer.
What sort of engineer? - Mechanical engineering.
- OK.
No wiser.
- Er - LAUGHTER Off you go with your story.
Erm, so, I lived in Thailand for six months when I finished school, erm, and Mum came to visit me at the end of it, - for, like, two weeks.
- Mm-hmm.
And she was like, "Oh, it's quite cheap, "so let's go for a massage.
" I was like, "OK, cool.
" - So, we went for a massage, and - With your mother? What's wrong with that? LAUGHTER So, you're about a metre apart, separated by a curtain, erm, and basically, it was a good massage, there was no conversation going on, it was very quiet, and then, at the end, I started getting massaged in a - inappropriate place.
- What? - Erm - With your mother behind a curtain? LAUGHTER Less than a metre away! Not No, no! - We're not even No.
- No, no.
- What a horrible story! - Horrible! I can only apologise, everyone.
We'll try one more.
- That went on way too long! - Yes! That's what she said! Er Do we have anyone else? Hello! Hi! Hi! So, er, what's your name? - Melissa.
- Melissa - and where are you from? - Er, I live in London.
- Oh, yes? And what do you do here? Er, beauty therapist and make-up artist.
- Right - do you do any massage? - I do! Not that kind of massage, no.
No! Not that mucky massage! All right, off you go with your story.
OK, so, I was doing a treatment, this guy came in for a lower back wax, and he came in to the treatment, he asked me to do the butt cheeks as well - not surprising, - I get that sometimes.
- Of course you do, yeah.
And so I was doing the lower back and then got into the cheeks, and all of a sudden, he farted.
Oh, oh! There's a theme with these stories.
I don't know if there's a convention in town? I can only apologise.
Shall we bow out on that, or shall we try one more? AUDIENCE: One more! All right, we'll try another one, and hopefully it's not massage- or waxing-related.
- Hello.
- Hiya.
- What's your name? - It's George.
- George.
You look very tall, George.
- I am quite tall, 6'2".
- Wow! - OK, very good.
- It's the heels, probably.
- No, you fill that chair.
Well done, George! What do you do with yourself, George? I'm a production assistant.
It's very unexciting - if I go into it.
- All right, let's not then.
George - does your story involve mucky massage or inappropriate waxing? - Er, no - none of the above.
- Good - off you go.
A couple of years ago I was in Sydney, and I went to the beach, had a swim, and got taken out by the riptide.
And I was swimming back in and I saw this shadow in the water, erm, and I got a bit closer to it and realised it was a it was a human, and he was just kind of sitting at the bottom of the ocean.
Er And so I swam down, and I patted him on the head because I thought maybe he was just holding his breath with a mate or something.
But I came back up, and he didn't.
So, I swam back down, brought him up, and yeah, he was pretty out of it.
Erm, and Yeah, I wasn't cool about it, I hysterically screamed for help! And then some people came over and took him into the beach, - and luckily, yeah, he survived.
- So you saved a life, George? I am a life-saver! - You can walk! - Thank you, Graham! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Well done - that's very good! - That's more like it! - That's a story! - Well done, everyone! If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go at that red chair, you can - just contact us via our website at this address Thank you to all my guests tonight - Miss Bonnie Tyler! Benedict Cumberbatch! Kim Cattrall! And Mr Chris Pine! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Join me next week, with double BAFTA-nominated actress Olivia Colman, Apprentice boss Lord Alan Sugar and House star himself Hugh Laurie.
I'll see you then.
Good nightbye!
Beam me down to the stage.
No, not the audience! I need them for the show! Get them back.
All right, try the other button now.
Oh, that's it.
Let's start the show! This programme contains adult humour.
CHEERING Oh, welcome, all! Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Hello, good evening, one, good evening, all.
We've got a packed show for you tonight.
- Captain James T Kirk himself, Chris Pine is here.
- CHEERING I know! The gorgeous Kim Cattrall is on the show.
CHEERING Star Trek baddie and Sherlock Holmes himself, Benedict Cumberbatch is here.
- CHEERING - I know! Plus we've got music from the lovely Bonnie Tyler, everybody.
CHEERING Yay! Bonnie Tyler.
Bonnie, of course, representing the UK in Eurovision this year.
Do you remember Bonnie back in the '80s? Do you, do you? She was massive! Well, massive hair.
That was certainly big.
That was the photo shoot for her single Total Eclipse Of The Heart.
What a massive hit! 14 million - cans of hair spray for that photo alone.
- LAUGHTER So pleased to be welcoming Benedict Cumberbatch to the show.
CHEERING Now, the thing about Benedict, he doesn't just do films and TV.
Benedict recently starred in Danny Boyle's award-winning staging of Frankenstein.
Here he is as the monster.
Terrifying! That is a terrifying scene when the monster is brought to life with electricity.
Imagine! What would someone look like if they'd had several thousand volts shoot through their body? - Hmm? Hmm? - LAUGHTER Benedict is also the star of the brilliant Sherlock.
- CHEERING - I know, I know.
There have been so many different versions.
The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes, Young Sherlock Holmes, and perhaps my favourite, Homes Under The Hammer.
LAUGHTER The Case Of The Avocado Bathtub! "Gone down in value?!" And Chris Pine is here, everyone.
CHEERING And Chris is starring with Benedict in the new Star Trek movie.
Oh, I love the way those Star Trek uniforms are so figure hugging, so flattering, aren't they? LAUGHTER Live long and prosper? I doubt it! More pie? Aw, no girlfriend? But, actually, you know, it's a stereotype that Star Trek fans don't have girlfriends.
Not all Trekkies go to bed alone.
No.
LAUGHTER Step away from the bear! This new movie is called Star Trek Into Darkness.
The budget was £120 million, ladies and gentlemen.
I know! WHOOPING Whereas the budget for the original series was £4.
50.
LAUGHTER "Hey, we've got three quid left! Let's have a party!" I used to love the old series.
Captain Kirk was so handsome.
What was it that he had that made him so popular with the ladies? Huh? Huh? Huh? LAUGHTER Let's get the guests on! CHEERING Later we will be having music from Bonnie Tyler.
But first, set your faces to stunned, it's Chris Pine! CHEERING There he is! Hello, sir.
How are you doing? - Really nice to meet you.
- Really nice to meet you.
Hiya.
Thank you.
Beam her down from planet hot, it's Kim Cattrall! CHEERING Hello, darling, hi.
Do some hugging.
And, Captain, the engines cannae take it, it's Benedict Cumberbatch! CHEERING Oh, hugging, hugging! Hello! Hello, hello, hello.
Sit yourself down.
Right CHEERING - Oh, shove up, shove up.
- Yes, let's get cosy.
- Shove up, get cosy.
- We've just met! - I know! It's like a Star Trek sandwich.
And, Kim, you get to choose between good Star Trek or bad Star Trek.
- Which is more appealing - good or evil? - I like a little bit of both.
Well, we have both available! Actually, I say it's a Star Trek sandwich, but in fact, Kim Cattrall, you are Star Trek filling in the Star Trek sandwich.
- Yes, I am! I'm the protein.
- Cos you were in Star Trek Was it six? Six, yes, The Undiscovered Country.
- I played the baddie, one of the baddies.
- Oh, did you? - How was it for you? - It was quite good.
And you? - It's very good, yes.
- It's really good fun.
- You want to take over the Enterprise, though.
- You do, but not in front of the captain.
- Oh, sorry.
- You played a Vulcan? - Yes, I did.
We got a picture of you there as the Vulcan.
Oh! Watch out for that laser! There are few people that can out act the pointy ears.
LAUGHTER But now, talking of fans, Chris, you've been all over the world promoting the Star Trek movies.
Where are the Star Trek fans kind of the wildest, the keenest? I don't know.
Here, Moscow is kind of incredible.
It's freezing in Moscow right now and there was a ton of fans out there that had stayed out overnight and it was like our own little version of Beatlemania.
It was fun.
Mind you, you got chased down the street in New York, didn't you? I did.
Oh, I did.
We were in New York.
Zach Quinto, who plays Spock, was there and he was on the West Side and I was on the East Side.
We decided we'd meet up for lunch.
He said, "Come on by to my place.
"I'm staying on the West Side Highway, "it's only a ten-minute drive.
" I said, "Absolutely".
I hopped in the car and got led out and as I'm approaching, I see just streams of people, streams of people, and they're not wearing all that much clothing.
They seem to be having a great time.
- It was Gay Pride Day in New York.
- Ah-ha! So I got let off and I had just come from the gym and I was wearing a tank top and these shorts LAUGHTER - I predict a riot.
- So I get out and I, you know You were like a party treat.
LAUGHTER So I start walking towards Zach's apartment, but there's this whole barricade set up in front of Zach's apartment, so I called Zach.
Zach's not picking up, I talk to the cops.
The cops say that to get to the apartment I have to walk round the block.
Slowly but surely Not many people know who I am, but I get very often the kind of, "Aren't you the?" And that started happening and I started looking around and I was getting very nervous and then I saw this very large gentleman wearing a sock LAUGHTER - On his foot? - Er - LAUGHTER About the same size.
LAUGHTER At which point I proceeded to basically make like marathon time back to - You just ran? - It was a second workout.
LAUGHTER - Did he chase you? - He was He was behind me for quite a bit.
LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Well, listen, Star Trek Into The Darkness No, Into Darkness.
- Star Trek Into Darkness, that's what it's called.
- Yes.
Star Trek Into Darkness.
I'll say it a few times, that will cheer everybody up.
And it's out next Thursday, 9 May.
- And this is your second outing as Captain Kirk? - It is indeed.
And what always strikes me, Captain Kirk is obviously very, very brave.
Very, very brave.
Very, very loyal also, but a bit thick.
I mean, he - Thick.
Do you mean thick like? - No, no, sorry.
That would be a very rude thing to say to anybody.
"I noticed in the IMAX, really quite chunky, yeah.
" LAUGHTER No, he's a bit He doesn't take any advice.
He's got all these brilliant people and he goes, "No, I'm not doing that.
" He's very headstrong, obstinate At least, the character that I play.
But, I mean, I think that's what's interesting about the series, is that it's not like Batman, or it's not Superman, it's not one man against the world.
I think in the beginning, my character feels like he is this one man against the world army and in his growth in the second film that we have now, he learns a lot about humility and what it means to be a leader of men and what it means to question yourself and the vulnerability that people in that position of responsibility feel.
And, Benedict, you're the baddie.
Can you tell us anything? - I know JJ Abrams is notoriously - I can't.
I shouldn't really be on a talk show cos I can't say anything about it.
- You're in the posters.
We've seen you.
- Am I? I'm allowed to say that.
- You're in it.
- No, I've seen the posters, they're crazy.
Yeah, I could say a little bit about him.
I mean, he is a terrorist.
And in the sense that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter, he does things for a good reason, for his reason, but he's pretty devastating.
He uses his wits as much as his brawn and that was fun to do.
- You play lots of mind games with Captain Kirk.
- I do, yeah.
We are sort of like different sides of the same coin.
There's a huge deal of shadow play going on.
It's a very interesting manipulation of Kirk and Spock, actually.
He plays with Kirk's humanness, which Chris just triumphs at, I think.
- He's a fantastic Captain Kirk, isn't he? - Yes.
CHEERING Those are big, big shoes.
Really big shoes.
Thick shoes, thick shoes to fill.
Thick shoes.
He's not only a thick man, he's also wide-footed.
William Shatner, honestly, you know?! But in real life - in real life, then, it sounds like Chris played mind games on you This is making me very paranoid - did you? Didn't you film in a real? Oh, yeah, there was one spectacular This does make you sound like a moron! LAUGHTER The point is this - we were in this incredible place called NIF, the National Ignition Facility, which is, er, in northern California, near Baltimore - and it IS Star Trek.
It is a place where they want to shoot lasers around this It's like a chemistry plant - it is huge, and they are aiming these lasers at a target that's half the breadth of a human hair.
Should it work - well, when it works, is what they like to say - it will produce a continual form of energy.
It will be an incredible thing.
Anyway, I go in there, going, "Wow, this is This is the real deal, this is incredible.
" So, already, I'm like, "Yes, OK, so, what can we not touch? "OK, that Everything's safe?" "Yes, you're allowed to walk here, it's fine, "we've cordoned off areas, it's safe.
" And then JJ gave me another page of This is just me basically excusing myself for what happened.
Before I arrived, I got on set I'll tell it from my point of view, and then he can tell it.
I got on set, and was told to put on neutron cream.
LAUGHTER Neutron cream! You know, neutron cream! This is America, this is health and safety, this is basically a walk-in lab and experiment.
So, I was gullible, and I just wanted to do You know, "Yes, I'll do what I'm told.
" So, I put on the neutron cream LAUGHTER "The neutron cream has to be applied," we told Benedict This is Simon and I - this is more Simon than anybody else You have to apply the cream, and it's just dots on your face.
So, here! Here's Benedict coming to set, and he's got these very intense scenes, and he's this super badass guy, and he's walking around with sunscreen spots - all over his face! - Oh, God! And in order to get the neutrons off of you Not only do you have to apply it, you have to jump up and down and shake your hands So well thought-out! Yeah - my science teacher is sitting at home now, saying, "See? I told ya!" I should have paid attention rather than farting around and acting.
But seriously, it was very, very funny, and they did a brilliant job of it.
Even the most burly kind of crotch-scratching, spitting, Americana grip He was much more gentlemanly than that, but I'm trying to build a picture - this was a man's man.
Even he, when they said, "Oh, everyone, "it's time to shake out now," he would jump around and do the neutron shake! So, I mean, they had me, they completely had me.
Well, this doesn't involve neutron cream, but it is the two of you in action - I don't think it needs any setting up, it's pretty self-explanatory.
Let me explain what's happening here.
You are a criminal.
I watched you murder innocent men and women - I was authorised to end you! And the only reason why you are still alive is because I am allowing it, so shut your mouth! Captain - are you going to punch me again over and over till your arm weakens? Clearly you want to, so tell me Why did you allow me to live? - We all make mistakes.
- Mmm I surrendered to you because, despite your attempt to convince me otherwise, you seem to have a conscience, Mr Kirk.
If you did not, then it would be impossible for me to convince you of the truth.
23-17-46 1-1.
Coordinates not far from Earth.
If you want to know why I did what I did, go and take a look.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING They're loving it, they're loving it! Star Trek is one of those things - it has The Trekkies, the fans, are Chris, your fans have a name, they're called? The Pine-Nuts, yes, know them well.
- WHOOPING - Yes! And, Benedict, what are your fans called? LAUGHTER The Cumber Collective.
- WHOOPING AND CHEERING - No, they're not! That is not what they're called, Benedict Cumberbatch.
This is BBC One - you can say it if you want, I'm not going to.
- Well, your fans - Cumberbitches! - Yeah! That seems a weird thing to call themselves.
I don't think they meant to offend themselves when they called them that.
I do worry about, you know, how far feminism has been set back, but there we go.
- Good on ya.
- Yeah, quite right, sister.
Do your fansdo your fans have a name, Kim? - A name? - Like Cattralligators or something, or? We spent a long time We came up with Cattralligators, Kimikazes or Kimbeciles - but that's quite rude.
Yes, that's very rude! The first one? - Cattralligators.
- I like that.
- I'm not sure it will catch on.
- No, no.
- Chuck it out on Twitter.
- We'll talk about it on Twitter! - The Cattrallicats! - The Cattrallicats.
- Oh, I like that.
The Cattrallicats.
Du-du-du-du, du-du Oh That's very good, very '60s.
- Yeah, hip.
- You bought the neutron cream, but that is quite clever.
The neutron cream obviously works! Quite a few fans in tonight, I know, and some of them seriously have travelled from afar.
Let's see who is the most devoted fan, who's travelled the furthest.
If you've travelled to see the guys tonight, put your hands up Oh, quite a few.
There's a lady with two hands up up there.
Hang on one sec.
Da, da, da, da Now, stand up, do! - What's your name? - Anna.
- Anna.
And, now you are aCumberbitch? - No.
- You are? - Chris.
- You're a Nut.
- Yes, I am.
- A Pine-Nut, everybody! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Where have you come from? - Kent.
- Where? - Kent.
Kent.
Yeah.
Whoo! She is crazy about you, Chris! Kent! I mean, it will be ten o'clock before she's home.
Keep your hands up, keep your hands up! Oh, hello! Stand up, do! - Oh, hello.
- Hello - where are you from? - Kent.
- Oh, for God's! OK.
Let's just rule Kent out, er Anyone who didn't come from Kent? OK.
The lady there - stand up, do! Where are you from? - Hi, I'm from Germany.
- And did you come from Germany? - I came, I took a 20-hour bus CHRIS: - Oh, my God! - .
.
to London.
- Wow! - APPLAUSE - That's impressive.
So you'll be too familiar with Kent, won't you? - What was your name? - Sheng-Lin.
Sheng-Lin, from Germany, 20 hours in the thing Are you a? Well, let's try and guess.
I'm saying, Cumberbitch? - You are a Cumberbitch? - Yes, I am.
- She's a Cumberbitch! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! Oh! I can't believe it! Oh, my God! Oh! You You've started - Where did the microphone come from? - You've started something now! You've started something now.
- So, where are you from? - Hong Kong! - Hello! - CHEERING AND LAUGHTER Who are you here for? I'm coming for Benedict! Hi! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Oh - more kissing! Hello! See you again! - You really flew in? - Yes! I took a 12-hour direct flight from Hong Kong to here, and I apply five-day annual leave from the work - to see you! Oh! APPLAUSE Grab a seat - yeah.
Very good, very good It's not 20 hours on a bus, that's all I'm saying.
You got fed, there was wine, you know Now, who else had hands up? Hello.
Who are you here for? - Germany.
- Another Germany person! - Yeah.
- Did you fly or bus? - Erm, no, we flew.
- Oh, I've no interest LAUGHTER Stand up, do.
Where are you from? - Nebraska.
- Nebraska Oh, you've dropped something.
- That's all right.
- You've got a little thing there Er, so, er Do you? - Now, do you live here? - No.
- You flew in specially from Nebraska.
- Yeah.
- No, you didn't.
- I did.
- Did you really? - Mm-hmm.
- All the way from Nebraska? - Yes.
- For this? - Yes.
God! Er And who are, er? Now What do you think, Pine-Nut? - Cumberbitch.
- It's another Cumberbitch! OK, stand up, do - Hello - what's your name? - SHE SPEAKS JAPANESE - Sorry? - SHE REPEATS NAME IN JAPANESE Hello, hi.
Erm, where are you from? Japan.
- Did you fly in from Japan? - Fly, yeah.
- Specially? - Specially.
Yes.
- AUDIENCE: Aw! - Oh, now, so, this is it.
LAUGHTER Japan is the Japan's further than Hong Kong, isn't it? - AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yes.
- OK.
So, er So, Japan - and you're here for Cumberbitch or Pine-Nut? Pine.
- It's a Pine-Nut! - Pine-Nut! - We have a Pine-Nut! You have to now, you have to! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Thank you.
Thank you for travelling in.
- I'm going to say hi to Kent, all right? - Oh, go on! Hey, Kent! How are you? Thank you for coming in.
- Thank you! - Thank you for coming! Kent? Yes? Pine now! You get back down, you get back down! WHOOPING Oh, that was very good! - Erm, what nice - He just kissed one of my bitches! I LAUGHTER - You said it! - I can't believe it, I've been drawn into their game.
Can we have a nice Venn diagram of Pine Bitches, maybe? Join forces - there's no reason for them not to be friends.
- Well, they'll be Trekkies now, that's what they'll be.
- All right.
- Another big family, OK.
- Hey, here's the good news Kim Cattrall is in a play! - WHOOPING - You really Yes, very good! And you know, you think, "Play, schmay" - But this is very posh.
- Yes, it is.
- Exciting.
- Old Vic, lead role, Tennessee Williams - I mean, it's as posh as it gets for theatre, really.
- Oh, thank you! - You must be thrilled.
I am, I am.
This has been in the works for about two years.
Er, called Sweet Bird Of Youth, it's about a middle-aged woman, who is, erm, a drug addict, er, an alcoholic and, er, a sex addict.
LAUGHTER - I thought, "Why would they cast me?" - You're selling it really well.
Really well! Just go with nudity, yeah And her boyfriend is a 26-year-old stud.
WHOOPING I'm auditioning tomorrow.
No, it's been cast, it's been cast! - What's his name, Seth Numbruck? - Numrich.
- Numrich.
- Yes, yes, he's There he is.
- Oh, there you are! - Yes, at the Oliviers.
- And of course, the director - Marianne Elliott.
- .
.
she won an Olivier, didn't she? - Yes, she did.
It's like tick, tick, tick, tick.
Yes, all ticks, all go.
Please come see it! The character you play is famous, she's a star Yes, she's a big, big star in the '50s.
It all happens in the '50s, as most of Tennessee Williams' plays do.
And she was like a Gene Tierney character, a very, very big star - and then, erm, she got into sort of middle-aged, and then, you know, thethe opportunities stopped, the roles were not there any more.
And then she started to drinkand drug and sex.
- Well, you know, you've got to fill the days.
- Yes! And can you kind of relate to her fame, or was fame different in the '50s? I think it was different in the sense that they weren't Television was just beginning, and I think then that they were so iconic - I mean, they obviously are now, people are flying in from God knows where, it's fantastic! - Japan, yeah.
- Japan, exactly! It was Or Kent! WHOOPING But I think there was just fewer of them, and they weren't really seen in public except in Hollywood maybe, or, you know, very, very rarely.
So, now, I think that because the world is a smaller place, you know, it IS a different time.
- And people have access as well.
- Totally, yes, internet.
It previews for 1st June, but then, it's really good by the 12th.
Er And really great by August 31st! The last time I saw Benedict was at the National, where you and Jonny Lee Miller were swapping - Oh, that was so great.
- .
.
playing the doctor and And he's so naked, that poor monster, for a long time! - Yeah.
- Because nudity in plays is normally brief.
- It's not You know, but - It was a good 15 minutes.
- Yeah.
- And then there was the time the audience were coming in - before he gets sort of reborn.
- Yeah, you were in that big sock.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah - that's as kind a term that I've heard for it, that's good! Big latex diaphragm.
No, there was one night when I was sort of suspended there, sort of, you know, like Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man, sort of spinning around I could hear people coming in, and they went, "Oh, no, is it him? "I wanted to see the other one playing the Creature" "Great, OK, fantastic.
So, I've just got to flop out naked, "and try and persuade you it was worth the money and the wait!" It must have been odd when people you knew were in, - sitting close - Yeah, no, well, I had, erm, Olivia, my ex-girlfriend's mother, and her, were both in, and she said, "We got tickets quite near the front - is that a problem?" I went, "Erm "Not if I angle myself in a particular way, "it should be all right, but there's always the" - You don't want your mother-in-law just - Being tea-bagged? No.
LAUGHTER It's, er It leads to an awkward Christmas, doesn't it? Yeah, I was very nervous that night.
I was nervous every night, it was It was a hard ask, but it was an incredible challenge.
- Kim - It was terrific.
- Thank you.
.
.
you just tell people you're doing full nudity, sell the tickets, and then when you don't, no-one can complain because it'll make them seem like a perv.
- That's just my marketing tip.
- I think I'll put that on my i-Phone.
Just a marketing tip! Unlikely Because Chris Pine, you seem like a movie star - you look like a movie star, you seem like a movie star.
- He IS a movie star! - Goddammit, people have flown in from Japan! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - But you actually have done loads of stage work.
Yeah, I've done quite a bit.
I've done three plays in Los Angeles, one at the Geffen and the Mark Taper, and Two at the Geffen, actually, which are the bigger theatres in Los Angeles, and had a great time.
Did a play by Martin McDonagh at the Taper, - called The Lieutenant Of Inishmore - Oh, yeah.
- Good play.
- I love it, I just love the As you know, performing to an audience, there's nothing like that energy of feeling the audience, which is simply - not there in film.
- Do you miss that immediate reaction to things? I do.
The last time I was on stage, I did this thing, Lieutenant Of Inishmore, and I'd go to the wings five or ten minutes before, and I wasn't on right away.
But you get It is an electrical charge that is unexplainable.
It's this beautiful kind of, erm And it changes from night to night, it varies, and the energy's different, but there's nothing quite - No.
- There's just nothing quite like it.
Presumably, because it's live, stuff just happens that - you don't plan for? - Stuff happens, and I'd love to hear your stories, but yeah, I was doing a play, erm, and it was the classic, the Sunday matinee - we have matinees on Sundays in the States And, er, there we were, and it's a high-pitched, fast-paced play, so there's no breaks, and our director was constantly, "No breaks, no breaks" Then finally there's a pause.
In this pause, I'm looking at the woman that I'm in love with, we're going to reconcile, it's a moment of tremendous drama And then from just stage left, you hear, "Louder, please! "Louder! "Louder!" You know, you're in the tension of the moment, you're trying to maintain a certain amount of, you know, of, there IS a fourth wall.
- Yeah.
- And you take a breath, and you're like, "I'm not going to respond to this, not going to respond.
" And I go to say my line "Louder, please!" And so, then, finally, we we talked to this woman, we told her to shut up and please leave Did you say it loudly? Did you hear that?! It's quite something, and you just have to get on with the show.
So, she was ushered out and we just kind of got on with it.
For Kim, I just love that - here you are, Tennessee Williams, at the Old Vic, in London, and I was reading, like, your first role on stage Like, it's been a long journey from your first role to here.
- Yes.
- Because didn't you play a cold germ? - Yes, I did.
- Do you want to hear some of it? - You're kidding - do you remember it? - Yes, I do! - What was the name of the play? Er - Piffle It's Only A Sniffle.
And, er "Hurray, hip-hip, "I'm post-nasal drip "I am His Highness the headaching sinus.
"I woo with fluenza and rhapsy cadenza "and I think it's so much fun to make your nose run.
" Well remembered, very good! - Mind you, it was only last year.
- Yes.
And, Benedict Cumberbatch, it's a huge year for you, not just Star Trek That would be kind of enough, but you've also just started filming the new series of Sherlock.
- I have, yeah.
- So I know! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING It's just brilliant, it is just brilliant.
- Presumably it starts off where the last one finished.
- It does.
We're halfway through the second episode now, - so we've done the explanation - Of the jumping off the building.
The reuniting of Watson and Sherlock, yes.
Now, we've got This is you now, this is you re-filming it.
Yes.
- Is the explanation, you're hanging off a rope? - Er! And also I think I hadn't remembered my lines, and they decided to hang me up in the lunch break.
But look at all the people in the street - do all those people now know what happened? Ye Erno.
No, I'd say that they definitely don't, that's the brilliance of it.
Well, they know SOMETHING happened.
We all know SOMETHING happened, yeah.
That's a given, but, no, they don't They really don't.
That's what's really enjoyable about it.
Was it odd going back to be Sherlock, to match up, because for Star Trek, you've totally beefed up and been to the gym and all that? I've got quite skinny again now, and he's a bit more of a lean thinking machine.
He runs around and he does things, but he's not the kind of warrior and combat weapon expert that my character in Star Trek is, but, er Yeah, no, it wasn't difficult.
There was a huge lag as well.
We finished in May or something? - Mm-hmm.
- About this time last year.
- Oh, wow! In the meantime, I've done other things, and lost a bit of Chunka Munka weight.
- That sounds wrong, too.
- Does it? Only in your sick, warped mind, Graham! - Well, chunka-munk sounds - Chunka Munka's like an ice cream! - Sounds like a candy bar.
- Exactly! - Yeah, it does.
- I've never heard of it.
- OK, I mean HE GROWLS LAUGHTER - OK! The famous dialogue, the speeches - Yes.
- .
.
that Sherlock does - The deductions.
"Must have been after midnight - bla-bla-bla-bla-bla" - Very good! - Those things - are they incredibly hard to learn? - I make it up.
- No, you don't! No, of course I don't.
They're amazingly hard to learn, yes.
Actually, not just hard to learn, but you have to speak them at the speed of thought, so you have no thought time.
Even now, when I'm thinking of what to say next, I'm going to my brain, to some weird dusty file ofoh, words, that can make sentences! Whereas in that, you just have to goand hope it's all there.
And that is hard, that is tricky.
And when you're doing it, are you acting, or are you just remembering it? Hopefully I'm acting as well, Graham.
Because otherwise I'd look like an actor going, "Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da - did I get that right?" And hopefullyhope to God it's not that.
- I'm just wondering what was going on in your head.
- Oh, in my head - oh, that's No, that would be telling.
Usually it's like driving a very fast car and going, "Oh, my God, "is that a wall?!" That's kind of what it feels like.
- You should know, you went to theatre school.
- Yes, you did, Graham! - All this naivety about - Yeah! - And look at me now! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - Now, Benedict - Yeah.
Er, Benedict, we must talk about your voice, because you doyou've got this fantastic voice, and you can make anything sound sinister.
- That's very kind.
- Well, you can! It's really kind of chilling.
And we just wondered, can you make ANYTHING sound sinister? So, one of the things I've got to do, I do a trail for the show - - you know, watch this week, du-duh, du-duh - Yeah, yeah.
- So, if I do it as I do it - Yeah.
.
.
but then if you could try it, but make it sinister, could you do that? I'll be really tempted to impersonate you, but OK, I'll do it.
So, this is what they normally are like.
You've seen these on the telly.
OK, so Join me with Hollywood heartthrob Chris Pine, theatrical siren Kim Cattrall, one of the hottest actors around, Benedict Cumberbatch, and flying the flag for Britain, Eurovision hopeful Bonnie Tyler! Woo-hoo! Friday 10.
35 on BBC One and BBC One HD.
That's that, OK.
So, can you try that? - Oh, God, what, at that speed? - No.
- And sinister? - No - that was just upbeat, and - OK.
- So, you sit in there.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING OK - OK, can you read that? - This is important.
Lean forwards! Er! - OK, so - In a sort of sinister way? OK Sinister as you like.
Join me with Hollywood heartthrob Chris Pine, theatrical siren Kim Cattrall, the hottest chat show host in the world, Graham Norton, and flying the flag for Britain, Eurovision hopeful Bonnie Tyler! Whoo-hoo! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - And the last bit as well? - Go on.
Friday 10.
35 on BBC One and BBC One HD You're making this look easy! - Stay there, do the music! - What, the rest of it? AS GRAHAM: Oh, stay there, I'm enjoying this, introduce Bonnie Tyler, right.
It's time for the music! LAUGHS AS GRAHAM LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - That's very good! - That's very good! - You want me to do the rest of it? - Yeah, go on, introduce her! - As me? - Well, whoever.
I don't know, just read it out loud! - OK.
- Put the music on! Right, it's time for the music now.
The singer has had a number one has had number one albums on both sides of the Atlantic, has sold over 20 million records, and now, has set her sights on EurovisionSong Contesttriumphing.
I'm making it up, I told you Singing the UK's entry for Malmo, Believe In Me, please welcome Bonnie Tyler! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING You say you don't believe in signs from up above And you laugh at the thought of putting your faith in stuff Like love You never see the rainbow You just curse the rain You say You wanna believe But it's just not worth the pain Today Well, that's all fine If that's how you want it to be But if you're feeling alone and afraid And you can't breathe Believe in me-e Yeah Believe in me-e Yeah Believe in The way I look at you And stand beside you The way I speak the truth I'd never lie to you If you'd just believe in the things that your eyes can't see Believe in me You come and you go and there's never no compromise That's why The seconds and the minutes of the tears of your life Go crawling by Well, that's all fine if that's how you want it to be But if you're feeling alone and afraid And you can't breathe Believe in me-e Yeah Believe in The way I look at you And stand beside you The way I speak the truth I'd never lie to you If you'd just believe in the things that your eyes can't see Believe in me What you gonna do when your ship is sinking And you're crying out for help and just the seagulls listening In the dark of the night In the middle of the fight When you're reaching out for something and there's Nothing! Believe in me Believe in me-e Yeah The way I speak the truth I'd never lie to you If you'd just believe in the things that your eyes can't see Believe in me.
APPLAUSE Thank you so much! Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie! Bonnie Tyler, come and join us, do! Oh, fabulous job, you lovely lady! Mwah! Mwah! Bonnie Tyler, everybody! Come and sit down! That's Benedict, Kim, Chris Marvellous! APPLAUSE CONTINUES Oh! Bonnie Tyler, thank you so much for representing the United Kingdom at Eurovision.
Oh, thank you.
Hey, I have to tell you You know you've got people from Germany here? I was in Germany, in Cologne, when they had a Star Trek, er I, well What happened was, I checked into this hotel, I got up in the morning, I thought I'd landed on Mars.
They had one of these conventions there, and everybody was dressed up! You know, all these crazy - costumes, you know? - Well, that will prepare you for Eurovision! - Yeah! - Do you know what the Eurovision Song Contest is? - No.
- It's very good.
- LAUGHTER - Explain it to me - It's - It will be this year.
- He hosts it.
- No, I don't host it.
- Well, for us, you do.
- I talk over it.
Erm! I annoy people.
Er It's a panerEuropean And we use the word European very loosely .
.
er, song contest, and Bonnie Tyler here - is representing the United Kingdom.
- Fantastic.
- Yes! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING We're just hoping that we don't come last for a change, you know?! Laughing now! As long as I do a good performance on the night, - I don't care what the score is.
- No, no.
I'd love to win it for the UK, but you know, as long as I know I'd done a good job - It's watched by something like 120 million people - Yes! .
.
and as luck would have it, the song you're singing, - it's on your new album! - Exactly! - You know - How did that work out? - How did that work out? - But as you say, it happens to be on my album, but it wasn't meant to be in the Eurovision.
This album was hopefully going to be out last October, but because somebody liked it for the Eurovision, we've had to put it back now, and it's coming out, erm, in a couple of days' time.
- But it's a great shop window, Eurovision.
- Yes! 120 million people, you know? It's good publicity! If 1% of them buy it, you know! Kerching! - So, Believe In Me - Yeah.
Eurovision is on the 18th May.
I'm predicting top five, Bonnie.
- Top five.
- Oh, I think you're hoping a little bit too much, - you know how political it is with our country.
- Bonnie - allow me to dream.
- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - It's Bonnie Tyler! Thank you.
Before we go tonight, just time for the red chair, so, who have we got? Hello! - Hello.
- What's your name, sir? - Chris.
- You wearing shorts? - I am.
Mmm.
Brave for the evening, I thought! - So, what do you do, Chris? - I'm an engineer.
What sort of engineer? - Mechanical engineering.
- OK.
No wiser.
- Er - LAUGHTER Off you go with your story.
Erm, so, I lived in Thailand for six months when I finished school, erm, and Mum came to visit me at the end of it, - for, like, two weeks.
- Mm-hmm.
And she was like, "Oh, it's quite cheap, "so let's go for a massage.
" I was like, "OK, cool.
" - So, we went for a massage, and - With your mother? What's wrong with that? LAUGHTER So, you're about a metre apart, separated by a curtain, erm, and basically, it was a good massage, there was no conversation going on, it was very quiet, and then, at the end, I started getting massaged in a - inappropriate place.
- What? - Erm - With your mother behind a curtain? LAUGHTER Less than a metre away! Not No, no! - We're not even No.
- No, no.
- What a horrible story! - Horrible! I can only apologise, everyone.
We'll try one more.
- That went on way too long! - Yes! That's what she said! Er Do we have anyone else? Hello! Hi! Hi! So, er, what's your name? - Melissa.
- Melissa - and where are you from? - Er, I live in London.
- Oh, yes? And what do you do here? Er, beauty therapist and make-up artist.
- Right - do you do any massage? - I do! Not that kind of massage, no.
No! Not that mucky massage! All right, off you go with your story.
OK, so, I was doing a treatment, this guy came in for a lower back wax, and he came in to the treatment, he asked me to do the butt cheeks as well - not surprising, - I get that sometimes.
- Of course you do, yeah.
And so I was doing the lower back and then got into the cheeks, and all of a sudden, he farted.
Oh, oh! There's a theme with these stories.
I don't know if there's a convention in town? I can only apologise.
Shall we bow out on that, or shall we try one more? AUDIENCE: One more! All right, we'll try another one, and hopefully it's not massage- or waxing-related.
- Hello.
- Hiya.
- What's your name? - It's George.
- George.
You look very tall, George.
- I am quite tall, 6'2".
- Wow! - OK, very good.
- It's the heels, probably.
- No, you fill that chair.
Well done, George! What do you do with yourself, George? I'm a production assistant.
It's very unexciting - if I go into it.
- All right, let's not then.
George - does your story involve mucky massage or inappropriate waxing? - Er, no - none of the above.
- Good - off you go.
A couple of years ago I was in Sydney, and I went to the beach, had a swim, and got taken out by the riptide.
And I was swimming back in and I saw this shadow in the water, erm, and I got a bit closer to it and realised it was a it was a human, and he was just kind of sitting at the bottom of the ocean.
Er And so I swam down, and I patted him on the head because I thought maybe he was just holding his breath with a mate or something.
But I came back up, and he didn't.
So, I swam back down, brought him up, and yeah, he was pretty out of it.
Erm, and Yeah, I wasn't cool about it, I hysterically screamed for help! And then some people came over and took him into the beach, - and luckily, yeah, he survived.
- So you saved a life, George? I am a life-saver! - You can walk! - Thank you, Graham! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Well done - that's very good! - That's more like it! - That's a story! - Well done, everyone! If you'd like to join us on the show and have a go at that red chair, you can - just contact us via our website at this address Thank you to all my guests tonight - Miss Bonnie Tyler! Benedict Cumberbatch! Kim Cattrall! And Mr Chris Pine! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING - Join me next week, with double BAFTA-nominated actress Olivia Colman, Apprentice boss Lord Alan Sugar and House star himself Hugh Laurie.
I'll see you then.
Good nightbye!