Celebrity Juice (2008) s13e10 Episode Script
End of Series Special - Jimmy Carr, David Guetta, Charlotte Hawkins, Johnny Vegas
Hi, I'm Keith Lemon and these are my titles.
Plush or what? There's Holly Willoughbooby coming out of a giant clam.
Still got them bangers.
There is Fearne Cotton with a bow and arrow.
Careful, that nearly went ine me.
And there is Gino D'Acampo with a tiny willy.
We are all in heaven, but we are not dead.
It is just a metaphor for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly? Celebrity Juice, on telly.
(CHEERING) Yeah! Yeah! It's time! Yes! Woo! Hoorah! Wowee! It is a Celebrity Juice end of series special.
Yeah! (APPLAUSE) Wow.
Let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's none other than Holly Willoughbooby.
(CHEERING) Holly, who is on your team? On my right (LAUGHING) It's Jimmy Carr.
Really? (APPLAUSE) And on my left its superstar DJ, David Guetta.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) That is on you.
You are glad you came, aren't you.
Oh, yeah.
It's Fearne Cotton.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Who is on your team? On my left I have got one of my favourite human beings in the world, font color="# (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And on my right, from Good Morning Britain, it's the gorgeous Charlotte font col (APPLAUSE) It is David Guetta, everyone.
(APPLAUSE) I want to do a more superstar DJ intro.
(MUSIC) Yeah, boy! Wha-wha-wha-wah-wah.
Guetta in the hizle! David Guetta! Nobody better.
Than David Guetta.
He make me wetter.
Recognise.
Can I just clarify? How is it pronounced? Is it David, yeah? It's David.
David Guetta is perfect.
I'm happy with anything.
(MOCKS HIS VOICE) You don't understand me? I don't understand you either.
Why did I come here? (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) Let me just give you some stats on David Guetta.
You have had six UK number ones.
You have got 55 million Facebook likes.
You have had 17.
5 million Twitter followers.
You have sold over 50 million singles and won two Grammys.
(APPLAUSE) Here is the new single, it is out now.
Hey Mama.
You have done it with, well, not done it with, it features Nicki Minaj.
What was she like? She is pretty amazing.
We have done a record in the past called Turn Me font colo I think it was the first time she was singing on a record.
Really? Yes, because she's an amazing rapper.
I think she not female rapper, but the best rapper.
Better than Chris Cr (LAUGHTER) They are the best because they rapped with their clothes on backwards.
Wikidi-wikidi-wikidi.
And they wore their pants the wrong way round.
Yeah.
Who is your favourite rapper, Johnny? Probably going back to Sugar Hill.
(SINGS) I have to say something.
Why do you sound so different from anybody I don't understand (LAUGHTER) Let's learn about Charlotte Hawkins, everyone.
(CHEERING) I have wanted you on here for a long time.
Have you? I think you are a classy lady.
We rarely have classy ladies on the show.
What about these two here? We are used to it, it is absolutely fine.
Charlotte, what is it like working with Ben and Susanna Reid? Are you both try to fight for attention with Ben? He is a good-looking fella, isn't he? He is gorgeous.
Do you ever have a flirt-off, you two? What, with Susanna? She is quite flirty, isn't she? It is important to get on well with the guests, isn't it? Put them at ease.
She throws those "fuck me" eyes, doesn't she, Susanna.
We have got a picture.
Look at her there.
"Fuck me.
" (LAUGHTER) What I will do is grab the end of your penis right tight.
I will twist your ballsack.
I think she is being friendly.
She is putting the Prime Minister font color="#00 and she is asking a serious journalistic question.
I love Susanna, she knows I do.
When I go on there, when the camera isn't on, she is like that Is she really? She doesn't do that.
She does.
She does, it scares me.
Ben is like that (LAUGHTER) What is it like working with Eamonn? Is he all right? He is good fun.
He can be mischievous.
You have to be on your toes working with him.
Definitely.
He used to get annoyed if I had a bit of hair sticking out font color so I would be reading the news and I could see him looking at me going, "She has got that bit of hair sticking out.
" One-time he licked his hand and he lent over to smooth down the back of my head because it was annoying him so much that the hair was font color="#00 That could have been so much worse.
Thank God.
Thank God it went there.
(LAUGHTER) The next series Woo! (APPLAUSE) The next series, you won't be here, Fearne.
No, I won't.
Who are you going to replace me with this time? (COUGHING)/ Seeing as this is your last episode for a series, do you want to choose a game? Sure.
Oh, let's play everyone's favourite.
Don't Show Keith Your Teeth.
(APPLAUSE) OK, we are going to play Don't Show Keith Your Teeth.
In this word association game, you mustn't stutter.
You mustn't repeat or laugh.
But most importantly, you mustn't show me your teeth.
The chosen subject this week, because David Guetta's here, is French things.
Hide your teeth now.
We will start with Jimmy Carr.
(LAUGHTER) Why is that French? The Mona Lisa.
The Mona Lisa.
The Mona Lisa.
(SPEAKS FRENCH) (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) Moules frites.
Moules frites.
Moules frites.
Moulesfrites.
Garlic.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) (SQUEAKING) (BUZZER) Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) Creme anglaise.
Cremeanglaise.
(BUZZER) Oh, come on, how long does he have? Is he going to email his answer? (BUZZER) Edith Piaf.
The French Riviera.
I can't be arsed, my mouth hurts.
(BUZZER) That means that Holly's team wins! Yes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And the scores at the end of that round are Sha-ting! David, have you ever been through a Bermuda Triangle vortex situation? With loads of your friends that are celebrities and they have got Benjamin Button but you were having a shit in a lead-lined toilet.
Wow.
Hi, I'm Keith Lemon.
Check this.
I went on a cruise recently, saw my favourite celebrity mates.
There is me with Kanye West.
Katy Perry and Harry Styles.
When suddenly we went into a Bermuda Triangle vortex.
And everyone got turned into kids.
I was all right, because I was in a lead-lined toilet having a shit.
When I came out, I found myself stranded with a load of mini celebrities.
Welcome to: Hello.
As you can see, we are still stranded on this desert island.
I am now joined by Gordon Ramsey and, how do you say your surname again? Go on, how do you pronounce it? Cheryl Felapadizini.
Cheryl Felapadizini.
How do you say it, Cheryl? Cheryl Fernandosini.
Not Cheryl have you seen my sarnie? What is up with you? I don't agree with her.
I will then.
And Harry Styles.
Happy Harry Styles.
How is it going? Good.
You all right? Ready to eat potato.
We are going to eat a potato.
First of all, Gordon.
Why do you shout at everybody on Hell's Kitchen? Because they make him flipping angry.
Harsh words.
Harry, why do you keep giving me daggers? Have you got a problem? Yeah.
What is your problem? You.
What we are going to do is have a baked potato race.
As you can see, it is Gordon, Cheryl and Harry against me.
But who will gollop it down the quickest? It is up to you in the studio to decide.
Stop giving me daggers.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) So, Fearne's team, who do you think wins the challenge, me or the Benjamin Button celebrities? What do you think, guys? It is a sizeable potato.
So I think that is a lot for one person to eat really quickly.
I can tell in your eyes when you have already won a challenge.
You have won this, haven't you? Certificate smile.
Look a I am smiling at Charlotte.
She is the fittest guest we've had.
No word of a lie.
I would marry you.
Would you? And I tell you what I would do.
On that magical night, I would shave the back of my head and let you do a poo on my neck.
(LAUGHTER) And not a dirty poo, like a romantic poo.
You know what I mean? A romantic poo on the back of the neck.
A bit like when Eamonn wets the back of your head.
We're gonna go with you.
Me.
Holly's team? Three kids against you.
Three kids.
What you think? I think the kids will do it.
I am like you.
You think? I would vote for the kids.
font color="# But they will struggle with the skin.
No kids eat skin off a potato.
I mean, I will bow to your greater knowledge.
We will go for the kids.
OK.
Fearne's team went me, Holly's team went the Benjamin Button celebrities.
Let's see.
Welcome back to the baked potato challenge.
I am with Gordon Ramsey, Cheryl and Harry Styles.
Are you ready? Go at that klaxon.
(KLAXON) Don't throw it up.
(INDISTINCT) Oh, my God! He's done it.
(KLAXON) You losers! Recognise.
Don't cry, Harry.
It is over.
Harry, it is over.
Look.
It is over.
I am still hungry.
Back to the studio.
Keith Lemon winsagain.
(APPLAUSE) That is a point to Fearne's team! (CHEERING) And at the scores at the end of that round are Sha-ting! We are going to an ad break now.
Go for a wee, I'll see you in three.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Coming up after t'break (APPLAUSE) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) All right! Welcome back to Celebrity Juice end of series special.
Woo! (APPLAUSE) Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, David, we had Gok Wan on.
You are a big fan of Gok Wan, aren't you? Of course.
We were going to do a game where we try and push him off a pouffe.
By throwing things at him.
It was going to be called Gok Wan Off.
(LAUGHTER) Seeing as you are here, we are going to do the game, but with you.
We are going to call it Hello and welcome to David Guetta Grip.
As you can see, we have David Guetta on a tiny pouffe.
He has also got one of those gladiator sticks.
You can use this to deflect the items which Fearne and Johnny will be throwing at you.
you stay on the small pouffe you will get a point for your team.
If you knock him off, you get the point for your team.
It is that easy.
I am ready.
I am very ready.
You have got an allotted time to knock him off.
On the klaxon.
Are you ready? Yes.
So ready.
(KLAXON) Here it goes.
Come on, David! I am just genuinely eating.
Whoa! He is off! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) That is a point to Fearne's team! (CHEERING) Johnny, do you want to get up there and have a go? Yes, Johnny.
Jimmy? Oh, yes.
Go on.
Jimmy and David.
Johnny, are you ready? Is that a bag of muesli? Yeah.
(INAUDIBLE BENEATH LAUGHTER) He has never had muesli before.
On the klaxon.
(KLAXON) There you go! Not the cock! Not the cock! Come on, win the war.
Yes, Johnny.
Johnny is staying on.
(APPLAUSE) We have got a montage of your greatest hits.
Let's have a look.
Not very happy with that.
Oof! There he goes.
And the scores at the end of that round are Sha-ting! (APPLAUSE) David, do you watch the Eurovision Song contest? No.
Would you ever do it? Representing France as a contestant? Yes, of course! Of course you would do Eurovision! Fantastic.
Then let's play (APPLAUSE) Hello and welcome to the European Wrong Contest 2015.
Let us meet our representatives from their countries.
First up we have, representing Russia, it's Vladimir Vegas.
(APPLAUSE) And representing Ireland, it's Jimmy O'Carr! (APPLAUSE) I am not happy about this.
This is borderline racism.
You are wearing your country's attire.
That suit I had on earlier, I was just wearing that for the telly.
font color="# What you are going to do in this game is eat some food, then you will breathe onto your opponent and they will hopefully ID what food you have been eating.
If you get it right you get a point for your team.
If you get it wrong you will get nil points.
Which is French for fuck all.
Jimmy, you will have the first dish.
Is this a glory hole? Have you got a square cock? I get so lonely at times.
There is your first dish.
Don't say what it is.
Do I get a point for mother Russia if I guess this? Yes.
Fucking hell.
Jimmy, we have careers.
Well, we are here, so Breathe on him.
(LAUGHTER) Vladimir? It just smelt of professional desperation.
(APPLAUSE) This is so ridiculous I've forgotten what I'm fucking wearing.
font color="#00 What are you saying? Am I right to say there is onions in there? No.
Is it some kind of sausage? It smells like a yeasty black pudding.
Don't say yeasty black pudding.
If you are going to say Fearne's minge, font co AUDIENCE: Oooh! Vladimir, what are you going for? I am going fordead partridge.
A dead partridge.
No, you were close when you said sausage.
It is the sausage of the sea.
It is a crab stick.
Fucking hell, you couldn't smell a thing.
You must have the digestive powers of a pike.
Here Jesus Christ, Jimmy.
I think you're a demigod.
Don't say what it is.
It's a guessing game.
Don't tell him what it is (!) Put it in your mouth.
I am! But what I'm going to do is eat it and flick the back of my tongue and throw up a bit just to disguise it.
Oh, Jesus.
I can just hear him going Yeah? No.
(RETCHES) Ready? Here we go.
Here we go.
(APPLAUSE) What is it, Jimmy? Crisps? (BUZZER) It's pork scratchings.
I did not get that at all.
I thought that was just the smell of Johnny.
(LAUGHTER) Jimmy and Vladimir, everyone! (APPLAUSE) I breathe better than you.
I smell better than you.
Why am I doing Russian? (APPLAUSE) Next up competing in European Wrong Contest 2015 we have, representing Sweden, it's Ikea Willoughby! (APPLAUSE) And representing Greece, it's the Greek goddess, Moussaka Hawkins.
(APPLAUSE) I tell you what, I am just proper getting wank bank material.
What is that? That's my camera taking pictures.
You just take it like that like scissors? What do you do? Yeah, like most normal people.
I've got a right modern camera where you go like that.
Finally, representing Austria, it is the winner of last year's Eurovision Song contest, it is Conchita Wurst! I am here just to ruin your fantasy.
I look like a hairy Kardashian.
Did you dye your hair? It's not the first thing I would spot if I was font color I dyed my hair.
It looks like Holly's minge full of sausage.
What you have to do is retrieve those sausages.
Which sounds simple, yes? You have to do it with your mouth and you will be blindfolded.
Oh, great.
The winner will be the person with the most sausage in their hand.
Let's get your blindfolds on.
Oh, God.
This is one of those proper blindfolds were you really can't font color="#ffff0 Yes.
On the klaxon, you have an allotted time.
(KLAXON) There it is.
Oh, my God, that's my actual beard, Charlotte.
She is ripping my beard off my face.
That is my beard! You have got that.
You have got that.
That is it, Holly.
Chow down! You have got it.
Does that count? This is ludicrous.
You have got it, there it is.
You've dropped it.
It is firmly wedged in the beard.
I can't use my hands, you idiot.
This is horrible.
I think it's ace.
It's not horrible at all.
It's not even close.
They are kissing! Did you kiss? (KLAXON) Take your blindfolds off.
Holly, how many have you got? Definitely two.
Where? Show me.
Oh, you don't have any.
You don't have any.
Charlotte, how many have you got? Two.
Charlotte has got two! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) A point to Fearne's team! (APPLAUSE) We are going to go to an ad break now.
See you in two, I am off for a poo.
Join us after t'break.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Coming up after t'break If you have a cement mixer in your garden, do not try this at home.
Hold on.
Are you ready? I'm ready! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Hello and welcome back to the European Wrong Contest 2015.
OK, next up, representing France, it's David Guetta.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) It's a flag.
Enjoy.
You know it is the European Wrong Contest.
What you've got to do in your challenge is simply name me 10 European countries.
That's easy, isn't it? But you may have seen we have a cement mixer here, yes? Yes.
What I want you to do is get inside it.
Inside? Yeah.
Don't they do this in France at Christmas time? "Hey, it's Christmas morning, get inside the cement mixer.
Oh, bonjour".
Do they do this in France? Yes, they do this every day.
You know that you take your jacket off, then.
Take your jacket off and get inside! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Get into position.
Climb in.
Like you're going to do a poo.
Right in.
I've got to say if you've got a cement mixer in your garden at home, don't try this at home.
Wow! David, you've got to name me 10 European countries whilst you're inside the cement mixer.
Oosh! I hate you.
Here we go.
Hold on.
Are you ready? I'm ready! Oh! European countries.
OK.
RussiaUkraine Germany I'm going to throw up.
Belgium, France.
Yes, yes.
United Kingdom, Ireland.
Yes.
Italy.
Yes.
Spain.
Yes.
/fon Greece.
Yes.
That's it.
He's done it! (APPLAUSE) He's going to puke! Are you going to puke? Are you all right? Wow! David Guetta, everyone! You haven't shit yourself, have you? I love your show (!) David Guetta, everyone.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And the scores at the end of that round are Sha-ting! (APPLAUSE) OK, all to play for on the final round.
It's the buzzer round.
Wow.
Yes, celebrate that, yes.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer, be a chancer and have a guess.
Holly, what is your buzzer this week? (HYSTERICAL PANTING) It sounds like a monkey having sex.
Fearne, what is your buzzer this week? (KEITH: "I'm having a baby, it's gonna be awesome.
Garlic!") OK, buzz in if you know the answer.
First question.
What strange thing does Robin Thicke's dad do when he's having sex? (FEARNE'S BUZZER) Fearne's team.
Care about the person he's doing it with.
Nope.
He doesn't shit on the back of your neck, does he? No Holly's team.
Does he listen to his son's music.
That's correct.
He listens to Robin's music.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) What did Madonna do for the 45th time this week? Ooh, did she adopt the baby? No! Is she number one? That's correct.
She made chart history.
Yes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 45 number one singles.
What is being served at Danny Dyer's wedding? (FEARNE'S BUZZER) Beer and crisps, you mug! You fucking (BLEEP)! Jellied eels.
Can I give him that? Yeah.
Prawns and whelks.
That's good.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) What are you doing? Go and get it, go and get it, go and get it.
It's slippy, but bring that piece of wood back, for a point.
Mine! Go, Johnny! (INDISTINCT) (APPLAUSE) That was a magical moment.
(KLAXON) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) That is the end of the buzzer round.
It is the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
Or this series of Celebrity Juice.
ALL: Aw! Big congratulations to Fearne Cotton with her baby.
Good luck, Fearne.
Thank you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) The winning team this week is The winning team is It's a draw! We won, we won.
I was Keith Lemon.
If I don't see you through the week, I'll see you next series.
Ta-ra! Let's dance, you bastards.
(DANCE MUSIC) (APPLAUSE)
Plush or what? There's Holly Willoughbooby coming out of a giant clam.
Still got them bangers.
There is Fearne Cotton with a bow and arrow.
Careful, that nearly went ine me.
And there is Gino D'Acampo with a tiny willy.
We are all in heaven, but we are not dead.
It is just a metaphor for how great this show is.
We are still here to make the best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly? Celebrity Juice, on telly.
(CHEERING) Yeah! Yeah! It's time! Yes! Woo! Hoorah! Wowee! It is a Celebrity Juice end of series special.
Yeah! (APPLAUSE) Wow.
Let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's none other than Holly Willoughbooby.
(CHEERING) Holly, who is on your team? On my right (LAUGHING) It's Jimmy Carr.
Really? (APPLAUSE) And on my left its superstar DJ, David Guetta.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) That is on you.
You are glad you came, aren't you.
Oh, yeah.
It's Fearne Cotton.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Who is on your team? On my left I have got one of my favourite human beings in the world, font color="# (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And on my right, from Good Morning Britain, it's the gorgeous Charlotte font col (APPLAUSE) It is David Guetta, everyone.
(APPLAUSE) I want to do a more superstar DJ intro.
(MUSIC) Yeah, boy! Wha-wha-wha-wah-wah.
Guetta in the hizle! David Guetta! Nobody better.
Than David Guetta.
He make me wetter.
Recognise.
Can I just clarify? How is it pronounced? Is it David, yeah? It's David.
David Guetta is perfect.
I'm happy with anything.
(MOCKS HIS VOICE) You don't understand me? I don't understand you either.
Why did I come here? (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) Let me just give you some stats on David Guetta.
You have had six UK number ones.
You have got 55 million Facebook likes.
You have had 17.
5 million Twitter followers.
You have sold over 50 million singles and won two Grammys.
(APPLAUSE) Here is the new single, it is out now.
Hey Mama.
You have done it with, well, not done it with, it features Nicki Minaj.
What was she like? She is pretty amazing.
We have done a record in the past called Turn Me font colo I think it was the first time she was singing on a record.
Really? Yes, because she's an amazing rapper.
I think she not female rapper, but the best rapper.
Better than Chris Cr (LAUGHTER) They are the best because they rapped with their clothes on backwards.
Wikidi-wikidi-wikidi.
And they wore their pants the wrong way round.
Yeah.
Who is your favourite rapper, Johnny? Probably going back to Sugar Hill.
(SINGS) I have to say something.
Why do you sound so different from anybody I don't understand (LAUGHTER) Let's learn about Charlotte Hawkins, everyone.
(CHEERING) I have wanted you on here for a long time.
Have you? I think you are a classy lady.
We rarely have classy ladies on the show.
What about these two here? We are used to it, it is absolutely fine.
Charlotte, what is it like working with Ben and Susanna Reid? Are you both try to fight for attention with Ben? He is a good-looking fella, isn't he? He is gorgeous.
Do you ever have a flirt-off, you two? What, with Susanna? She is quite flirty, isn't she? It is important to get on well with the guests, isn't it? Put them at ease.
She throws those "fuck me" eyes, doesn't she, Susanna.
We have got a picture.
Look at her there.
"Fuck me.
" (LAUGHTER) What I will do is grab the end of your penis right tight.
I will twist your ballsack.
I think she is being friendly.
She is putting the Prime Minister font color="#00 and she is asking a serious journalistic question.
I love Susanna, she knows I do.
When I go on there, when the camera isn't on, she is like that Is she really? She doesn't do that.
She does.
She does, it scares me.
Ben is like that (LAUGHTER) What is it like working with Eamonn? Is he all right? He is good fun.
He can be mischievous.
You have to be on your toes working with him.
Definitely.
He used to get annoyed if I had a bit of hair sticking out font color so I would be reading the news and I could see him looking at me going, "She has got that bit of hair sticking out.
" One-time he licked his hand and he lent over to smooth down the back of my head because it was annoying him so much that the hair was font color="#00 That could have been so much worse.
Thank God.
Thank God it went there.
(LAUGHTER) The next series Woo! (APPLAUSE) The next series, you won't be here, Fearne.
No, I won't.
Who are you going to replace me with this time? (COUGHING)/ Seeing as this is your last episode for a series, do you want to choose a game? Sure.
Oh, let's play everyone's favourite.
Don't Show Keith Your Teeth.
(APPLAUSE) OK, we are going to play Don't Show Keith Your Teeth.
In this word association game, you mustn't stutter.
You mustn't repeat or laugh.
But most importantly, you mustn't show me your teeth.
The chosen subject this week, because David Guetta's here, is French things.
Hide your teeth now.
We will start with Jimmy Carr.
(LAUGHTER) Why is that French? The Mona Lisa.
The Mona Lisa.
The Mona Lisa.
(SPEAKS FRENCH) (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) Moules frites.
Moules frites.
Moules frites.
Moulesfrites.
Garlic.
(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) (SQUEAKING) (BUZZER) Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) Creme anglaise.
Cremeanglaise.
(BUZZER) Oh, come on, how long does he have? Is he going to email his answer? (BUZZER) Edith Piaf.
The French Riviera.
I can't be arsed, my mouth hurts.
(BUZZER) That means that Holly's team wins! Yes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And the scores at the end of that round are Sha-ting! David, have you ever been through a Bermuda Triangle vortex situation? With loads of your friends that are celebrities and they have got Benjamin Button but you were having a shit in a lead-lined toilet.
Wow.
Hi, I'm Keith Lemon.
Check this.
I went on a cruise recently, saw my favourite celebrity mates.
There is me with Kanye West.
Katy Perry and Harry Styles.
When suddenly we went into a Bermuda Triangle vortex.
And everyone got turned into kids.
I was all right, because I was in a lead-lined toilet having a shit.
When I came out, I found myself stranded with a load of mini celebrities.
Welcome to: Hello.
As you can see, we are still stranded on this desert island.
I am now joined by Gordon Ramsey and, how do you say your surname again? Go on, how do you pronounce it? Cheryl Felapadizini.
Cheryl Felapadizini.
How do you say it, Cheryl? Cheryl Fernandosini.
Not Cheryl have you seen my sarnie? What is up with you? I don't agree with her.
I will then.
And Harry Styles.
Happy Harry Styles.
How is it going? Good.
You all right? Ready to eat potato.
We are going to eat a potato.
First of all, Gordon.
Why do you shout at everybody on Hell's Kitchen? Because they make him flipping angry.
Harsh words.
Harry, why do you keep giving me daggers? Have you got a problem? Yeah.
What is your problem? You.
What we are going to do is have a baked potato race.
As you can see, it is Gordon, Cheryl and Harry against me.
But who will gollop it down the quickest? It is up to you in the studio to decide.
Stop giving me daggers.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) So, Fearne's team, who do you think wins the challenge, me or the Benjamin Button celebrities? What do you think, guys? It is a sizeable potato.
So I think that is a lot for one person to eat really quickly.
I can tell in your eyes when you have already won a challenge.
You have won this, haven't you? Certificate smile.
Look a I am smiling at Charlotte.
She is the fittest guest we've had.
No word of a lie.
I would marry you.
Would you? And I tell you what I would do.
On that magical night, I would shave the back of my head and let you do a poo on my neck.
(LAUGHTER) And not a dirty poo, like a romantic poo.
You know what I mean? A romantic poo on the back of the neck.
A bit like when Eamonn wets the back of your head.
We're gonna go with you.
Me.
Holly's team? Three kids against you.
Three kids.
What you think? I think the kids will do it.
I am like you.
You think? I would vote for the kids.
font color="# But they will struggle with the skin.
No kids eat skin off a potato.
I mean, I will bow to your greater knowledge.
We will go for the kids.
OK.
Fearne's team went me, Holly's team went the Benjamin Button celebrities.
Let's see.
Welcome back to the baked potato challenge.
I am with Gordon Ramsey, Cheryl and Harry Styles.
Are you ready? Go at that klaxon.
(KLAXON) Don't throw it up.
(INDISTINCT) Oh, my God! He's done it.
(KLAXON) You losers! Recognise.
Don't cry, Harry.
It is over.
Harry, it is over.
Look.
It is over.
I am still hungry.
Back to the studio.
Keith Lemon winsagain.
(APPLAUSE) That is a point to Fearne's team! (CHEERING) And at the scores at the end of that round are Sha-ting! We are going to an ad break now.
Go for a wee, I'll see you in three.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Coming up after t'break (APPLAUSE) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) All right! Welcome back to Celebrity Juice end of series special.
Woo! (APPLAUSE) Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, David, we had Gok Wan on.
You are a big fan of Gok Wan, aren't you? Of course.
We were going to do a game where we try and push him off a pouffe.
By throwing things at him.
It was going to be called Gok Wan Off.
(LAUGHTER) Seeing as you are here, we are going to do the game, but with you.
We are going to call it Hello and welcome to David Guetta Grip.
As you can see, we have David Guetta on a tiny pouffe.
He has also got one of those gladiator sticks.
You can use this to deflect the items which Fearne and Johnny will be throwing at you.
you stay on the small pouffe you will get a point for your team.
If you knock him off, you get the point for your team.
It is that easy.
I am ready.
I am very ready.
You have got an allotted time to knock him off.
On the klaxon.
Are you ready? Yes.
So ready.
(KLAXON) Here it goes.
Come on, David! I am just genuinely eating.
Whoa! He is off! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) That is a point to Fearne's team! (CHEERING) Johnny, do you want to get up there and have a go? Yes, Johnny.
Jimmy? Oh, yes.
Go on.
Jimmy and David.
Johnny, are you ready? Is that a bag of muesli? Yeah.
(INAUDIBLE BENEATH LAUGHTER) He has never had muesli before.
On the klaxon.
(KLAXON) There you go! Not the cock! Not the cock! Come on, win the war.
Yes, Johnny.
Johnny is staying on.
(APPLAUSE) We have got a montage of your greatest hits.
Let's have a look.
Not very happy with that.
Oof! There he goes.
And the scores at the end of that round are Sha-ting! (APPLAUSE) David, do you watch the Eurovision Song contest? No.
Would you ever do it? Representing France as a contestant? Yes, of course! Of course you would do Eurovision! Fantastic.
Then let's play (APPLAUSE) Hello and welcome to the European Wrong Contest 2015.
Let us meet our representatives from their countries.
First up we have, representing Russia, it's Vladimir Vegas.
(APPLAUSE) And representing Ireland, it's Jimmy O'Carr! (APPLAUSE) I am not happy about this.
This is borderline racism.
You are wearing your country's attire.
That suit I had on earlier, I was just wearing that for the telly.
font color="# What you are going to do in this game is eat some food, then you will breathe onto your opponent and they will hopefully ID what food you have been eating.
If you get it right you get a point for your team.
If you get it wrong you will get nil points.
Which is French for fuck all.
Jimmy, you will have the first dish.
Is this a glory hole? Have you got a square cock? I get so lonely at times.
There is your first dish.
Don't say what it is.
Do I get a point for mother Russia if I guess this? Yes.
Fucking hell.
Jimmy, we have careers.
Well, we are here, so Breathe on him.
(LAUGHTER) Vladimir? It just smelt of professional desperation.
(APPLAUSE) This is so ridiculous I've forgotten what I'm fucking wearing.
font color="#00 What are you saying? Am I right to say there is onions in there? No.
Is it some kind of sausage? It smells like a yeasty black pudding.
Don't say yeasty black pudding.
If you are going to say Fearne's minge, font co AUDIENCE: Oooh! Vladimir, what are you going for? I am going fordead partridge.
A dead partridge.
No, you were close when you said sausage.
It is the sausage of the sea.
It is a crab stick.
Fucking hell, you couldn't smell a thing.
You must have the digestive powers of a pike.
Here Jesus Christ, Jimmy.
I think you're a demigod.
Don't say what it is.
It's a guessing game.
Don't tell him what it is (!) Put it in your mouth.
I am! But what I'm going to do is eat it and flick the back of my tongue and throw up a bit just to disguise it.
Oh, Jesus.
I can just hear him going Yeah? No.
(RETCHES) Ready? Here we go.
Here we go.
(APPLAUSE) What is it, Jimmy? Crisps? (BUZZER) It's pork scratchings.
I did not get that at all.
I thought that was just the smell of Johnny.
(LAUGHTER) Jimmy and Vladimir, everyone! (APPLAUSE) I breathe better than you.
I smell better than you.
Why am I doing Russian? (APPLAUSE) Next up competing in European Wrong Contest 2015 we have, representing Sweden, it's Ikea Willoughby! (APPLAUSE) And representing Greece, it's the Greek goddess, Moussaka Hawkins.
(APPLAUSE) I tell you what, I am just proper getting wank bank material.
What is that? That's my camera taking pictures.
You just take it like that like scissors? What do you do? Yeah, like most normal people.
I've got a right modern camera where you go like that.
Finally, representing Austria, it is the winner of last year's Eurovision Song contest, it is Conchita Wurst! I am here just to ruin your fantasy.
I look like a hairy Kardashian.
Did you dye your hair? It's not the first thing I would spot if I was font color I dyed my hair.
It looks like Holly's minge full of sausage.
What you have to do is retrieve those sausages.
Which sounds simple, yes? You have to do it with your mouth and you will be blindfolded.
Oh, great.
The winner will be the person with the most sausage in their hand.
Let's get your blindfolds on.
Oh, God.
This is one of those proper blindfolds were you really can't font color="#ffff0 Yes.
On the klaxon, you have an allotted time.
(KLAXON) There it is.
Oh, my God, that's my actual beard, Charlotte.
She is ripping my beard off my face.
That is my beard! You have got that.
You have got that.
That is it, Holly.
Chow down! You have got it.
Does that count? This is ludicrous.
You have got it, there it is.
You've dropped it.
It is firmly wedged in the beard.
I can't use my hands, you idiot.
This is horrible.
I think it's ace.
It's not horrible at all.
It's not even close.
They are kissing! Did you kiss? (KLAXON) Take your blindfolds off.
Holly, how many have you got? Definitely two.
Where? Show me.
Oh, you don't have any.
You don't have any.
Charlotte, how many have you got? Two.
Charlotte has got two! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) A point to Fearne's team! (APPLAUSE) We are going to go to an ad break now.
See you in two, I am off for a poo.
Join us after t'break.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Coming up after t'break If you have a cement mixer in your garden, do not try this at home.
Hold on.
Are you ready? I'm ready! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Hello and welcome back to the European Wrong Contest 2015.
OK, next up, representing France, it's David Guetta.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) It's a flag.
Enjoy.
You know it is the European Wrong Contest.
What you've got to do in your challenge is simply name me 10 European countries.
That's easy, isn't it? But you may have seen we have a cement mixer here, yes? Yes.
What I want you to do is get inside it.
Inside? Yeah.
Don't they do this in France at Christmas time? "Hey, it's Christmas morning, get inside the cement mixer.
Oh, bonjour".
Do they do this in France? Yes, they do this every day.
You know that you take your jacket off, then.
Take your jacket off and get inside! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Get into position.
Climb in.
Like you're going to do a poo.
Right in.
I've got to say if you've got a cement mixer in your garden at home, don't try this at home.
Wow! David, you've got to name me 10 European countries whilst you're inside the cement mixer.
Oosh! I hate you.
Here we go.
Hold on.
Are you ready? I'm ready! Oh! European countries.
OK.
RussiaUkraine Germany I'm going to throw up.
Belgium, France.
Yes, yes.
United Kingdom, Ireland.
Yes.
Italy.
Yes.
Spain.
Yes.
/fon Greece.
Yes.
That's it.
He's done it! (APPLAUSE) He's going to puke! Are you going to puke? Are you all right? Wow! David Guetta, everyone! You haven't shit yourself, have you? I love your show (!) David Guetta, everyone.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And the scores at the end of that round are Sha-ting! (APPLAUSE) OK, all to play for on the final round.
It's the buzzer round.
Wow.
Yes, celebrate that, yes.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Buzz in if you know the answer.
If you don't know the answer, be a chancer and have a guess.
Holly, what is your buzzer this week? (HYSTERICAL PANTING) It sounds like a monkey having sex.
Fearne, what is your buzzer this week? (KEITH: "I'm having a baby, it's gonna be awesome.
Garlic!") OK, buzz in if you know the answer.
First question.
What strange thing does Robin Thicke's dad do when he's having sex? (FEARNE'S BUZZER) Fearne's team.
Care about the person he's doing it with.
Nope.
He doesn't shit on the back of your neck, does he? No Holly's team.
Does he listen to his son's music.
That's correct.
He listens to Robin's music.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) What did Madonna do for the 45th time this week? Ooh, did she adopt the baby? No! Is she number one? That's correct.
She made chart history.
Yes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 45 number one singles.
What is being served at Danny Dyer's wedding? (FEARNE'S BUZZER) Beer and crisps, you mug! You fucking (BLEEP)! Jellied eels.
Can I give him that? Yeah.
Prawns and whelks.
That's good.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) What are you doing? Go and get it, go and get it, go and get it.
It's slippy, but bring that piece of wood back, for a point.
Mine! Go, Johnny! (INDISTINCT) (APPLAUSE) That was a magical moment.
(KLAXON) (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) That is the end of the buzzer round.
It is the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
Or this series of Celebrity Juice.
ALL: Aw! Big congratulations to Fearne Cotton with her baby.
Good luck, Fearne.
Thank you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) The winning team this week is The winning team is It's a draw! We won, we won.
I was Keith Lemon.
If I don't see you through the week, I'll see you next series.
Ta-ra! Let's dance, you bastards.
(DANCE MUSIC) (APPLAUSE)