Celebrity Juice (2008) s14e09 Episode Script
Nathan Sykes, Chris Kamara, Jerry Springer, Jessica Wright
1 Hi, I'm Jerry Springer, and you know, when I was asked to be on Celebrity Juice, I figured, "What the hell, I've done stupid shows before.
" In fact, I've made a whole career of it.
I'm happy to do this and you know, thanks for watching here.
May you never be on my show.
Take care of yourself and each other.
What are you doing? I always do a final thought, so I thought Yeah, on your show, this is my show.
I don't see your name here, what do you mean, it's your show? I've always said, "Why is my name not on top?" You wonder why they don't put your name with the show? You ought to talk to your agent, because frankly Roll titles.
I say that, as well.
Roll titles.
You said it very well.
I'm Keith Lemon and these are my sweet-ass titles.
There's Holly Willoughby coming out of a giant clam, check out them bangers, boy.
There's Gino D'Acampo who is covering for Fearne while she's off having a baby.
How is that possible? We are all here in heaven, but don't worry, we're not dead, it's just an overelaborate metaphor for how great the show is.
We're still here to make the best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly? You know what it is, it's Celebrity Juice.
On telly.
HD ready.
(APPLAUSE) Yeah! Boom! Hoorah! Welcome to Celebrity Juice, let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's Holly Willoughboozy! Hello.
Thank you very much.
Holly, who is on your team? On my right, I have actually known him since he was 10 years old, he's a bit gorgeous now, it's Nathan Sykes.
On my left, he's a bit of a legend, it's Jerry Springer! Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! Holly, Jerry is not as young as he used to be, you're going to give him a heart attack with those tits hanging out.
All right, Jerry? (HIGH VOICE) I'm OK.
Let's see how our other team captain handles his intro as I introduce him, it's Gino D'Acampo.
(APPLAUSE) AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Gino, who is on your team? On my left, is the ultimate ninja warrior, it is football legend Chris Kamara.
Kammy, Kammy, Kammy! (AUDIENCE JOIN IN) Ask me what I would do to this lady on the right.
Would I finger blast her? You are right, you are right.
It is Jessica Wright.
She is shy.
I'm not surprised she is shy, you've just told her you'd finger blast her, you hardly know her.
Mark's a bit shy, isn't he? A little bit, yeah.
Pffft.
Everyone gets a bit fruity now and again.
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! Jerry, you're often called a TV legend, yes? No.
You are, you are a TV legend.
Because The Jerry Springer Show has been going for 25 years.
Yeah, and I apologise.
I learned sex education from the Jerry Springer show.
Really? We are responsible for you? Yes.
(LAUGHS) I have got a list here of some of the subjects you've covered.
The man who said he was possessed by a gay demon.
Was his name Rylan? Oh, Rylan.
No, I have no idea, if I knew what the show was about, I wouldn't come in.
There was a man who married a horse.
That I remember.
We've got a picture of them.
(LAUGHS) (APPLAUSE) Chris, you dirty bastard.
I was on The Jerry Springer Show, I have to be honest with you.
And you married a horse? The horse left him.
We did a follow-up show, the horse left him, he said you were hung like a man.
(LAUGHS) Hey, it is Chris Camera! Am I pronouncing that right? Camera? Camera is fine.
It is spelt with a K.
Yeah.
It's pronounced "Camera.
" Camera is fine, for you.
That's not really the correct pronunciation, though, is it? Thank you, Holly.
How do you say it? Kamara.
Yeah, but you're posh.
(POSH VOICE) Pass me the "kamara", take a photograph of my child.
But that's his name.
Because of your name, Camera, we thought it would be good to fit you with your very own Chris Camera.
So we can experience what you're experiencing.
Smile.
If you're watching at home You are on candid camera.
I am on Chris Camera.
This is what he's experiencing.
Technology is amazing.
Go and have a look at Holly, see what she's got to say.
Say hello, Holly.
Wow.
Sit down, you fucking loony.
Throughout the show tonight, we'll be cutting back to Chris's camera to see how he is coping with Celebrity Juice, what's he experiencing.
On Twitter, I think we're going to put extra stuff, so when he goes for a piss or a poo, that will be on there too.
Chris, you used to be a footballer, but nowadays you're known as a TV presenter.
You do Ninja Warrior.
I do.
Tell us about Ninja Warrior, if we've not seen it.
It's an obstacle course and it's the hardest obstacle course in the world.
It's very fast paced, isn't it? It is.
/font You got to really concentrate what's going on.
You do.
Let's have a look at this.
We are off to Fratton Park, where there's been a red card, but for who, Chris Kamara? I don't know, Jeff, has there? I must have missed that.
A red card? Have you not been watching? I haven't.
What's happened, Chris? I don't know, Jeff.
(LAUGHS) (APPLAUSE) As well as presenting that and being a footballer, you are a world-famous singer, used to be a singer, didn't you? No.
We've got a shot of you when you used to be a singer, I think.
There you are.
You look very similar.
Do a split screen.
You have got the thinnest tache I have ever seen on a man.
All the girls say that.
(LAUGHS) (ESSEX ACCENT) She's all right, it's Jessica Wright, leave it out.
What's going on in TOWIE right now? Cos it's on ITV Be now.
It is.
What isn't going on in TOWIE? What is going on, then? So annoying.
Tell me three things that aren't going on in TOWIE? Things that aren't going on? Yeah.
No lesbians.
fon No-one has been killed.
No lesbians? No lesbian sex.
The best kind as well, isn't it? No-one's married a horse.
You have a love interest in TOWIE at the moment.
I mean, I am single, but there's a guy on there who has taken my interest, but I'm still very much single.
Whom? It's complicated.
Names.
font color="#ffff0 No, I couldn't do that.
It's too far away from where I live.
Yeah.
I think we've got a picture of Pete.
Here's Pete.
Jesus, he's got tattoos, hasn't he? He's got a tiger all over his neck.
He's a good-looking man.
How far down do they go? As far as I know, down to here.
I haven't seen below.
Baaaaah.
I haven't.
OK, if you haven't, keep your hands down where they are, and if you have seen further down, keep your hands down where they are.
(LAUGHS) Hey, from The Wanted, but now solo, it's Nathan Sykes.
(APPLAUSE) No longer with The Wanted.
We are on a break.
On a break? Do you know how long the break is? Or are you just seeing what happens? "If it goes well, I'm never coming back.
" (LAUGHS) It is going well so far, isn't it? Yeah, it's going all right.
You had a song out called Kiss Me Quick.
Which was really big in America, in the dance chart, it was number one, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well done.
(APPLAUSE) Not an easy thing to do, get a number one in America.
Jerry knows it, because he was out in America.
You're big on the dance scene in America, aren't you? Unbelievable.
You like Kiss Me Quick, don't you? Erm/fo Just say yes, really good.
It is excellent, in fact.
I heard him in the dressing room, singing the chorus.
Just sing the chorus.
# Choo cha choo cha # Kiss me quick # There we go.
It's a bit like that.
I've got a collaboration.
A duet.
You've got a new single, Over And Over Again.
What's the message? What's the message? Oh, it's me telling someone how I feel about them because I didn't have the courage to do it in person.
So I wrote a song.
You wrote it about someone you couldn't say it to their face, is it actually a real person? Yeah.
And they know this song is about them? No, but they did text me the other day being like, "I really like this new song.
" I was like(NERVOUS LAUGH) Let's have a look at the video, it's a saucy one.
# When I'm with you, I lose track of time # When I'm without you, you're stuck on my mind # Be all you need till the day that I die # I love you # Over and over again # (APPLAUSE) Whoo-hoo-hoo! That is a naughty video.
Sorry, mum.
I think it's time for a videocam, let's have a little look, see if he's got a semi on.
Look at him, he's like a black Lionel Blair.
(CREEPY LAUGH) Did you feel her boobs on your chest? Yeah.
Ace.
I want to shake his hand.
Jerry.
Yes.
On your show, they use the bleep machine quite a lot, probably more than they use it on here.
They use it a lot if I say (BLEEP) loads of times.
(LAUGHS) Let's play OK, as you can see by your desks there is a fake wall.
It is similar to the set of Jerry Springer.
On there is the title from an actual Jerry Springer Show.
The first one here is What I want you to do is tell me what the bleep actually was.
Replace the bleep with the actual word.
Grandma is my Co-worker? I just want you to know how proud I am of my life's work.
( It's unfair, because it's his show.
I honestly don't know, because they put the titles on after the show.
What is a Lillian? A Lillian? My grandma is my Lillian.
You have put, "My grandma is my pimp.
" Gino has put, "My grandma is my sex slave.
" The real Jerry Springer Show was called (APPLAUSE) A point to Holly's team.
Next, a Jerry Springer show was entitled What was the bleep? Holly is going for fist.
"Mom, will you fist me?" If you're not American at home, you might not know what a mom is.
It's your mum.
Gino's team, what have you got? "Mom, Will you marry me?" "Mom, will you pubic hair me?" That makes no sense.
Holly's team have gone for, "Mom, will you fist me?" That popular episode (!) You guys are sick.
Gino's team have gone for, "Mom, will you marry me?" I can tell you the answer is, "Mom, will you marry me?" That's Gino's team.
AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino! OK, here's the next one "My sex slave won't stop calling me Daddy.
" (LAUGHS) No, because the priest isn't going to be calling them a mistress.
font color="#00f is a Lillian? Just in case it is for this.
"My pimp won't stop calling me Daddy.
" She knows her shit.
"My co-worker won't stop calling me daddy.
" "My mistress won't stop calling me Daddy.
" I can tell you that the bleeps were, "My co-worker won't stop calling me Lillian.
" (APPLAUSE) So it's a name, then.
What did you think it was, a fruit? Like a verb.
Lillian? I'm going font color="#00ff I'm going to Lillian you all over your face.
I don't know.
You get half a point.
How come they get half a point? Co-wor You didn't say that at the beginning that you give half a point.
(ITALIAN ACCENT GIBBERISH) These are the scores.
(APPLAUSE) Jerry, I'm going to do a link now to the ad break.
Would you like to do it? How would you do a link to the break on Jerry Springer? On camera one.
I have an easier time understanding what he is saying than what you're saying.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr Springer.
AUDIENCE: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.
In Gino's native tongue(ITALIAN ACCENT GIBBERISH) (APPLAUSE) Coming up after the break Get that thing away from my arsehole.
Hello.
Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
Earlier, I told you about Kammy's camera that he has got attached to his body.
Let's see what he got up to during the break.
(LAUGHTER) You are sick! It was worth it.
Jerry, a few weeks ago, we played a game called five second fool.
Did you see it? I am trying to read your lips.
(AMERICAN ACCENT) A few weeks ago, we did a show It was called five second fool.
Did you see it? (EXAGERATED AMERICAN ACCENT) Yeah, it was great.
Right, well, let's play.
(MASTERMIND THEME) You all right? I'm good.
How are you? I'm all right.
I want three answers in five seconds.
Go on then.
First one.
Name three things you can lick.
(LAUGHTER) Marshmallows.
You could have had nipples, the balls, the arsehole, and the dick.
(LAUGHTER) Name three things that are dark.
Oh, my God.
Caves, lights off I don't know.
Lights off.
When the lights are off, it is dark.
Don't forget me! (LAUGHTER) Name three things you find in your pocket.
Oh, God.
Eyelashes.
Phone.
Eyelashes in your pocket.
Your eyelashes are here.
They always come off.
And fall in your pocket.
My eyelashes are always falling in my pocket.
What do you find in your pocket? My ball sack, when I am twisting it, when I'm nervous.
(LAUGHTER) My Oyster card, and some spare change.
(BUZZER) Next up Nathan.
Are you ready? Yeah.
Name three things that fit in your hand.
Um Your phone, your headphones, and your penis.
Name three things that smell.
Um Gravy.
Why gravy?! (LAUGHTER) You could have said wood, plastic, metal, hedgehogs, squirrels Most things, really.
A wet dog.
A wet dog.
Arseholes.
And her.
She smells nice, doesn't she? Yes, really nice.
Name three things that Chris Kamara would do with a horse.
Stroke it, pet it, and probably sex.
I would never stroke or pet it.
(LAUGHTER) Next up, it is Chris Camera.
Are you all right, Chris? I am very good.
Feeling confident? Very confident.
It is not as easy as you think, though.
Three answers is more than one, you know.
It is.
Five seconds shorter than 20.
It is less than 10.
It is difficult.
Are you ready? No, it is more than 10.
Or is it less than 10? I'm not sure.
(LAUGHTER) This is going to be fun.
Name three things you can shave.
Your face.
Um Your quim.
(LAUGHTER) My wife is going to watch this.
I am in trouble.
(LAUGHTER) Strangely enough, you could have said horse.
I shaved the horses, yes.
Well, you should have said it.
Name three things that have lips.
Men, women And women twice.
(LAUGHTER) You could have said horses again.
That's a female horse.
Well, and a male horse (LAUGHTER) Name three places you apply cream.
Doncaster, Swindon, Leeds.
(LAUGHTER) Where else? (BUZZER) Chris Kamara, everyone! And the scores at the end of that round are: Chris, you present Ninja Warrior.
I do.
I have ginger hair.
I will say it.
I am ginger and proud.
Wow, that is a first.
I used to dye it blonde, so I had strawberry blonde hair, but now I have ginger, all over.
Right to my knackers.
But in honour of you doing Ninja Warrior, and me being ginger, we are going to do a game called: Holly is taking on Irn-Bru.
Why do they call you Irn-Bru? Because I am Scottish.
And ginger.
Holly, are you feeling confident? Yes.
Can you count? I think so.
You both think because Irn-Bru has got a ginger hair that she can't count.
I don't think such a thing.
You don't? No.
But I still think I can do this.
I am going to show you a VT, which features a series of famous gingers and non-gingers.
I wanted to write down on the board how many famous gingers you see.
The names of them? No, how many.
Do you understand what I'm saying? I know.
Irn-Bru does, because she has got ginger hair.
Me and her, we can just talk to each other via our minds.
You know what I'm saying.
OK, let's run the VT.
Ginger Spice, Mick Hucknall, Lindsay Lohan, Ed Sheeran, Kanye, Kanye, Kanye, little mermaid, Mick Hucknall, little mermaid, Mick Hucknall, Rupert Grint, Simon Cowell, ginger spice, Nicola Roberts, Patsy Palmer, Patsy Palmer, Patsy Palmer, Patsy Palmer, Chris Evans, Kim Jong Un, Lionel Richie, Prince Harry, little mermaid, Prince Harry, Nicola Roberts, Mick Hucknall, Ed Sheeran, Ginger spice, little mermaid, Fiz from Corrie, the cat from Corrie, Fiz from Corrie, cat from Corrie, Fiz from Corrie, cat from Corrie, Cat Deeley, Jason Orange, chocolate orange, Ed Sheeran, Jason Orange, chocolate orange, Ed Sheeran, Lionel Richie, Rupert Grint, Dalai Lama.
(APPLAUSE) Irn-Bru, how many did you get? 13.
13 gingers.
Holly Blonde from the bottle.
How many did you get? I got 12.
Let's see who was right.
That's correct, it was 12.
Well done Holly Willoughby.
Whoa Irn-Bru.
Write your phone number on there, yeah? Thanks.
I will call you.
She didn't write anything down, but I've already fucked her.
(LAUGHTER) OK, let's have our next celebrity challenger.
We will rock you It's Nat-han from the Wanted, and also from Nat-han.
So, what is your name, and where do you come from? My name is Nathan, and I am from Gloucester.
Are you feeling confident tonight? Very confident.
Well, let's find out who the ginger warrior is.
Copper Top.
OK.
By day, his name is Michael, by night, he is better known as Copper Top.
As you can see, he has got ginger hair.
A lot of people do have a prejudice against people with ginger hair.
A lot of things that they say they are rubbish at, is being a human coffee table.
When I was a kid at school, when I had no confidence and low self-esteem, people went, look at Lemon, I bet he is rubbish at being a human coffee table! And I wasn't very good, but I have learned how to do it well.
What about you, Copper Top? Are you good at being a human coffee table? I do it on a regular basis.
Let's find out, as we play the human coffee table.
OK, as you can see, our celebrity, and our Ginger Warrior are in the position of a human coffee table.
I have Jerry here to help me.
We are going to load objects onto the coffee table.
The winner will get a point for their team.
The first one to drop it will be out and lose a point.
I am going to start with a plant.
There is a picture of me, Holly, and Gino.
I have seen that on a coffee table.
A light.
Coffee tables have lights on them.
How are you going, Jerry? I am doing fine.
You have gone for the ukulele.
I have got a ukulele on my coffee table at home.
I flew 3000 miles to do this.
(LAUGHTER) There is some sort of game there.
(LAUGHTER) There is some peanuts.
Mate, get that thing away from my arsehole! (LAUGHTER) Mate, that's my balls! It's not this one.
(LAUGHTER) One thing I never thought would happen in my life is that I would be poked in the bum by Chris Kamara.
With a feather duster.
That is it, I have got everything on.
Oh, shit.
(KLAXON) Nat-han.
No point for your team, unfortunately.
He's showing off! The ginger one wins! Going to an ad break now.
See you after the ad break.
Coming up Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
Let's see who our next challenge-ee is.
# We will, we will rock you # Gino D'Acampo.
AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino! Let's see which ginger warrior you will be taking on.
(LAUGHS) It is none other than Fireballs.
It is like a ginger werewolf.
He's cute.
(LAUGHS) Are you confident, Fireballs? Yeah.
Yeah, pretty.
Well, we both ginger, so we know what life is like being ginger.
A lot of people think that ginger haired people can't see in the dark.
Why is that? I don't know.
We get loads of stick for all sorts of things.
But we can see in the dark.
And we're going to put that to the test as we play OK, Gino and our ginger warrior both have blindfolds on and helmets with buttons on the top.
The winner will be the person who gets the most hits on the bottom which is on the hat, here.
(BELL) You will hear this when you've been hit, yes? You will hear this when you have been hit.
(BOING) Yes? You will go on the klaxon.
Best of five, yes? Kapish.
The game is not called "Twat The Ginger".
That looks very violent, Gino.
All you want to do is hit the button on his head.
Three, two, one.
(KLAXON) (CHEERING) Here, here.
It's me, it's me.
(BELL) You will go on the klaxon.
Three, two, one.
(KLAXON) (BELL) Oh, Gino, he got you.
Let's put you back.
That's 2-0 to the ginger warriors.
Stand here.
Fucking ginger (BLEEP) I will just get Fireballs in position.
On the klaxon.
Three, two, one.
Go! Ginger bastard.
(BELL) Fireballs, take your mask off.
And the winner was Fireballs.
Proving that all gingers can see in the dark.
That's the end of the round, that's the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
Everyone over here.
(BELL) I don't know if you're aware, but at the beginning of this series, we said to Gino He never normally wins, but if you win this series, you will get to host the first episode of next series.
If you lose this series, I will be shaving your hair off.
We did shake on it, didn't we? Yes, we did.
At the moment, in the series, you are winning 4-3.
Oh, come on.
If you win tonight, you'll win the series.
If you lose, it's a draw.
The winner of this week's Celebrity Juice is Come on.
They are telling me it's very close, it's very close.
It's Holly's team.
I was Keith Lemon, join us next week to see if Gino has his hair shaved off.
And if I don't see you for a week, I'll see you through a window.
Goodbye.
" In fact, I've made a whole career of it.
I'm happy to do this and you know, thanks for watching here.
May you never be on my show.
Take care of yourself and each other.
What are you doing? I always do a final thought, so I thought Yeah, on your show, this is my show.
I don't see your name here, what do you mean, it's your show? I've always said, "Why is my name not on top?" You wonder why they don't put your name with the show? You ought to talk to your agent, because frankly Roll titles.
I say that, as well.
Roll titles.
You said it very well.
I'm Keith Lemon and these are my sweet-ass titles.
There's Holly Willoughby coming out of a giant clam, check out them bangers, boy.
There's Gino D'Acampo who is covering for Fearne while she's off having a baby.
How is that possible? We are all here in heaven, but don't worry, we're not dead, it's just an overelaborate metaphor for how great the show is.
We're still here to make the best telly show on telly.
What is that telly show on telly? You know what it is, it's Celebrity Juice.
On telly.
HD ready.
(APPLAUSE) Yeah! Boom! Hoorah! Welcome to Celebrity Juice, let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's Holly Willoughboozy! Hello.
Thank you very much.
Holly, who is on your team? On my right, I have actually known him since he was 10 years old, he's a bit gorgeous now, it's Nathan Sykes.
On my left, he's a bit of a legend, it's Jerry Springer! Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! Holly, Jerry is not as young as he used to be, you're going to give him a heart attack with those tits hanging out.
All right, Jerry? (HIGH VOICE) I'm OK.
Let's see how our other team captain handles his intro as I introduce him, it's Gino D'Acampo.
(APPLAUSE) AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino! Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Gino, who is on your team? On my left, is the ultimate ninja warrior, it is football legend Chris Kamara.
Kammy, Kammy, Kammy! (AUDIENCE JOIN IN) Ask me what I would do to this lady on the right.
Would I finger blast her? You are right, you are right.
It is Jessica Wright.
She is shy.
I'm not surprised she is shy, you've just told her you'd finger blast her, you hardly know her.
Mark's a bit shy, isn't he? A little bit, yeah.
Pffft.
Everyone gets a bit fruity now and again.
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! Jerry, you're often called a TV legend, yes? No.
You are, you are a TV legend.
Because The Jerry Springer Show has been going for 25 years.
Yeah, and I apologise.
I learned sex education from the Jerry Springer show.
Really? We are responsible for you? Yes.
(LAUGHS) I have got a list here of some of the subjects you've covered.
The man who said he was possessed by a gay demon.
Was his name Rylan? Oh, Rylan.
No, I have no idea, if I knew what the show was about, I wouldn't come in.
There was a man who married a horse.
That I remember.
We've got a picture of them.
(LAUGHS) (APPLAUSE) Chris, you dirty bastard.
I was on The Jerry Springer Show, I have to be honest with you.
And you married a horse? The horse left him.
We did a follow-up show, the horse left him, he said you were hung like a man.
(LAUGHS) Hey, it is Chris Camera! Am I pronouncing that right? Camera? Camera is fine.
It is spelt with a K.
Yeah.
It's pronounced "Camera.
" Camera is fine, for you.
That's not really the correct pronunciation, though, is it? Thank you, Holly.
How do you say it? Kamara.
Yeah, but you're posh.
(POSH VOICE) Pass me the "kamara", take a photograph of my child.
But that's his name.
Because of your name, Camera, we thought it would be good to fit you with your very own Chris Camera.
So we can experience what you're experiencing.
Smile.
If you're watching at home You are on candid camera.
I am on Chris Camera.
This is what he's experiencing.
Technology is amazing.
Go and have a look at Holly, see what she's got to say.
Say hello, Holly.
Wow.
Sit down, you fucking loony.
Throughout the show tonight, we'll be cutting back to Chris's camera to see how he is coping with Celebrity Juice, what's he experiencing.
On Twitter, I think we're going to put extra stuff, so when he goes for a piss or a poo, that will be on there too.
Chris, you used to be a footballer, but nowadays you're known as a TV presenter.
You do Ninja Warrior.
I do.
Tell us about Ninja Warrior, if we've not seen it.
It's an obstacle course and it's the hardest obstacle course in the world.
It's very fast paced, isn't it? It is.
/font You got to really concentrate what's going on.
You do.
Let's have a look at this.
We are off to Fratton Park, where there's been a red card, but for who, Chris Kamara? I don't know, Jeff, has there? I must have missed that.
A red card? Have you not been watching? I haven't.
What's happened, Chris? I don't know, Jeff.
(LAUGHS) (APPLAUSE) As well as presenting that and being a footballer, you are a world-famous singer, used to be a singer, didn't you? No.
We've got a shot of you when you used to be a singer, I think.
There you are.
You look very similar.
Do a split screen.
You have got the thinnest tache I have ever seen on a man.
All the girls say that.
(LAUGHS) (ESSEX ACCENT) She's all right, it's Jessica Wright, leave it out.
What's going on in TOWIE right now? Cos it's on ITV Be now.
It is.
What isn't going on in TOWIE? What is going on, then? So annoying.
Tell me three things that aren't going on in TOWIE? Things that aren't going on? Yeah.
No lesbians.
fon No-one has been killed.
No lesbians? No lesbian sex.
The best kind as well, isn't it? No-one's married a horse.
You have a love interest in TOWIE at the moment.
I mean, I am single, but there's a guy on there who has taken my interest, but I'm still very much single.
Whom? It's complicated.
Names.
font color="#ffff0 No, I couldn't do that.
It's too far away from where I live.
Yeah.
I think we've got a picture of Pete.
Here's Pete.
Jesus, he's got tattoos, hasn't he? He's got a tiger all over his neck.
He's a good-looking man.
How far down do they go? As far as I know, down to here.
I haven't seen below.
Baaaaah.
I haven't.
OK, if you haven't, keep your hands down where they are, and if you have seen further down, keep your hands down where they are.
(LAUGHS) Hey, from The Wanted, but now solo, it's Nathan Sykes.
(APPLAUSE) No longer with The Wanted.
We are on a break.
On a break? Do you know how long the break is? Or are you just seeing what happens? "If it goes well, I'm never coming back.
" (LAUGHS) It is going well so far, isn't it? Yeah, it's going all right.
You had a song out called Kiss Me Quick.
Which was really big in America, in the dance chart, it was number one, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well done.
(APPLAUSE) Not an easy thing to do, get a number one in America.
Jerry knows it, because he was out in America.
You're big on the dance scene in America, aren't you? Unbelievable.
You like Kiss Me Quick, don't you? Erm/fo Just say yes, really good.
It is excellent, in fact.
I heard him in the dressing room, singing the chorus.
Just sing the chorus.
# Choo cha choo cha # Kiss me quick # There we go.
It's a bit like that.
I've got a collaboration.
A duet.
You've got a new single, Over And Over Again.
What's the message? What's the message? Oh, it's me telling someone how I feel about them because I didn't have the courage to do it in person.
So I wrote a song.
You wrote it about someone you couldn't say it to their face, is it actually a real person? Yeah.
And they know this song is about them? No, but they did text me the other day being like, "I really like this new song.
" I was like(NERVOUS LAUGH) Let's have a look at the video, it's a saucy one.
# When I'm with you, I lose track of time # When I'm without you, you're stuck on my mind # Be all you need till the day that I die # I love you # Over and over again # (APPLAUSE) Whoo-hoo-hoo! That is a naughty video.
Sorry, mum.
I think it's time for a videocam, let's have a little look, see if he's got a semi on.
Look at him, he's like a black Lionel Blair.
(CREEPY LAUGH) Did you feel her boobs on your chest? Yeah.
Ace.
I want to shake his hand.
Jerry.
Yes.
On your show, they use the bleep machine quite a lot, probably more than they use it on here.
They use it a lot if I say (BLEEP) loads of times.
(LAUGHS) Let's play OK, as you can see by your desks there is a fake wall.
It is similar to the set of Jerry Springer.
On there is the title from an actual Jerry Springer Show.
The first one here is What I want you to do is tell me what the bleep actually was.
Replace the bleep with the actual word.
Grandma is my Co-worker? I just want you to know how proud I am of my life's work.
( It's unfair, because it's his show.
I honestly don't know, because they put the titles on after the show.
What is a Lillian? A Lillian? My grandma is my Lillian.
You have put, "My grandma is my pimp.
" Gino has put, "My grandma is my sex slave.
" The real Jerry Springer Show was called (APPLAUSE) A point to Holly's team.
Next, a Jerry Springer show was entitled What was the bleep? Holly is going for fist.
"Mom, will you fist me?" If you're not American at home, you might not know what a mom is.
It's your mum.
Gino's team, what have you got? "Mom, Will you marry me?" "Mom, will you pubic hair me?" That makes no sense.
Holly's team have gone for, "Mom, will you fist me?" That popular episode (!) You guys are sick.
Gino's team have gone for, "Mom, will you marry me?" I can tell you the answer is, "Mom, will you marry me?" That's Gino's team.
AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino! OK, here's the next one "My sex slave won't stop calling me Daddy.
" (LAUGHS) No, because the priest isn't going to be calling them a mistress.
font color="#00f is a Lillian? Just in case it is for this.
"My pimp won't stop calling me Daddy.
" She knows her shit.
"My co-worker won't stop calling me daddy.
" "My mistress won't stop calling me Daddy.
" I can tell you that the bleeps were, "My co-worker won't stop calling me Lillian.
" (APPLAUSE) So it's a name, then.
What did you think it was, a fruit? Like a verb.
Lillian? I'm going font color="#00ff I'm going to Lillian you all over your face.
I don't know.
You get half a point.
How come they get half a point? Co-wor You didn't say that at the beginning that you give half a point.
(ITALIAN ACCENT GIBBERISH) These are the scores.
(APPLAUSE) Jerry, I'm going to do a link now to the ad break.
Would you like to do it? How would you do a link to the break on Jerry Springer? On camera one.
I have an easier time understanding what he is saying than what you're saying.
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr Springer.
AUDIENCE: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.
In Gino's native tongue(ITALIAN ACCENT GIBBERISH) (APPLAUSE) Coming up after the break Get that thing away from my arsehole.
Hello.
Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
Earlier, I told you about Kammy's camera that he has got attached to his body.
Let's see what he got up to during the break.
(LAUGHTER) You are sick! It was worth it.
Jerry, a few weeks ago, we played a game called five second fool.
Did you see it? I am trying to read your lips.
(AMERICAN ACCENT) A few weeks ago, we did a show It was called five second fool.
Did you see it? (EXAGERATED AMERICAN ACCENT) Yeah, it was great.
Right, well, let's play.
(MASTERMIND THEME) You all right? I'm good.
How are you? I'm all right.
I want three answers in five seconds.
Go on then.
First one.
Name three things you can lick.
(LAUGHTER) Marshmallows.
You could have had nipples, the balls, the arsehole, and the dick.
(LAUGHTER) Name three things that are dark.
Oh, my God.
Caves, lights off I don't know.
Lights off.
When the lights are off, it is dark.
Don't forget me! (LAUGHTER) Name three things you find in your pocket.
Oh, God.
Eyelashes.
Phone.
Eyelashes in your pocket.
Your eyelashes are here.
They always come off.
And fall in your pocket.
My eyelashes are always falling in my pocket.
What do you find in your pocket? My ball sack, when I am twisting it, when I'm nervous.
(LAUGHTER) My Oyster card, and some spare change.
(BUZZER) Next up Nathan.
Are you ready? Yeah.
Name three things that fit in your hand.
Um Your phone, your headphones, and your penis.
Name three things that smell.
Um Gravy.
Why gravy?! (LAUGHTER) You could have said wood, plastic, metal, hedgehogs, squirrels Most things, really.
A wet dog.
A wet dog.
Arseholes.
And her.
She smells nice, doesn't she? Yes, really nice.
Name three things that Chris Kamara would do with a horse.
Stroke it, pet it, and probably sex.
I would never stroke or pet it.
(LAUGHTER) Next up, it is Chris Camera.
Are you all right, Chris? I am very good.
Feeling confident? Very confident.
It is not as easy as you think, though.
Three answers is more than one, you know.
It is.
Five seconds shorter than 20.
It is less than 10.
It is difficult.
Are you ready? No, it is more than 10.
Or is it less than 10? I'm not sure.
(LAUGHTER) This is going to be fun.
Name three things you can shave.
Your face.
Um Your quim.
(LAUGHTER) My wife is going to watch this.
I am in trouble.
(LAUGHTER) Strangely enough, you could have said horse.
I shaved the horses, yes.
Well, you should have said it.
Name three things that have lips.
Men, women And women twice.
(LAUGHTER) You could have said horses again.
That's a female horse.
Well, and a male horse (LAUGHTER) Name three places you apply cream.
Doncaster, Swindon, Leeds.
(LAUGHTER) Where else? (BUZZER) Chris Kamara, everyone! And the scores at the end of that round are: Chris, you present Ninja Warrior.
I do.
I have ginger hair.
I will say it.
I am ginger and proud.
Wow, that is a first.
I used to dye it blonde, so I had strawberry blonde hair, but now I have ginger, all over.
Right to my knackers.
But in honour of you doing Ninja Warrior, and me being ginger, we are going to do a game called: Holly is taking on Irn-Bru.
Why do they call you Irn-Bru? Because I am Scottish.
And ginger.
Holly, are you feeling confident? Yes.
Can you count? I think so.
You both think because Irn-Bru has got a ginger hair that she can't count.
I don't think such a thing.
You don't? No.
But I still think I can do this.
I am going to show you a VT, which features a series of famous gingers and non-gingers.
I wanted to write down on the board how many famous gingers you see.
The names of them? No, how many.
Do you understand what I'm saying? I know.
Irn-Bru does, because she has got ginger hair.
Me and her, we can just talk to each other via our minds.
You know what I'm saying.
OK, let's run the VT.
Ginger Spice, Mick Hucknall, Lindsay Lohan, Ed Sheeran, Kanye, Kanye, Kanye, little mermaid, Mick Hucknall, little mermaid, Mick Hucknall, Rupert Grint, Simon Cowell, ginger spice, Nicola Roberts, Patsy Palmer, Patsy Palmer, Patsy Palmer, Patsy Palmer, Chris Evans, Kim Jong Un, Lionel Richie, Prince Harry, little mermaid, Prince Harry, Nicola Roberts, Mick Hucknall, Ed Sheeran, Ginger spice, little mermaid, Fiz from Corrie, the cat from Corrie, Fiz from Corrie, cat from Corrie, Fiz from Corrie, cat from Corrie, Cat Deeley, Jason Orange, chocolate orange, Ed Sheeran, Jason Orange, chocolate orange, Ed Sheeran, Lionel Richie, Rupert Grint, Dalai Lama.
(APPLAUSE) Irn-Bru, how many did you get? 13.
13 gingers.
Holly Blonde from the bottle.
How many did you get? I got 12.
Let's see who was right.
That's correct, it was 12.
Well done Holly Willoughby.
Whoa Irn-Bru.
Write your phone number on there, yeah? Thanks.
I will call you.
She didn't write anything down, but I've already fucked her.
(LAUGHTER) OK, let's have our next celebrity challenger.
We will rock you It's Nat-han from the Wanted, and also from Nat-han.
So, what is your name, and where do you come from? My name is Nathan, and I am from Gloucester.
Are you feeling confident tonight? Very confident.
Well, let's find out who the ginger warrior is.
Copper Top.
OK.
By day, his name is Michael, by night, he is better known as Copper Top.
As you can see, he has got ginger hair.
A lot of people do have a prejudice against people with ginger hair.
A lot of things that they say they are rubbish at, is being a human coffee table.
When I was a kid at school, when I had no confidence and low self-esteem, people went, look at Lemon, I bet he is rubbish at being a human coffee table! And I wasn't very good, but I have learned how to do it well.
What about you, Copper Top? Are you good at being a human coffee table? I do it on a regular basis.
Let's find out, as we play the human coffee table.
OK, as you can see, our celebrity, and our Ginger Warrior are in the position of a human coffee table.
I have Jerry here to help me.
We are going to load objects onto the coffee table.
The winner will get a point for their team.
The first one to drop it will be out and lose a point.
I am going to start with a plant.
There is a picture of me, Holly, and Gino.
I have seen that on a coffee table.
A light.
Coffee tables have lights on them.
How are you going, Jerry? I am doing fine.
You have gone for the ukulele.
I have got a ukulele on my coffee table at home.
I flew 3000 miles to do this.
(LAUGHTER) There is some sort of game there.
(LAUGHTER) There is some peanuts.
Mate, get that thing away from my arsehole! (LAUGHTER) Mate, that's my balls! It's not this one.
(LAUGHTER) One thing I never thought would happen in my life is that I would be poked in the bum by Chris Kamara.
With a feather duster.
That is it, I have got everything on.
Oh, shit.
(KLAXON) Nat-han.
No point for your team, unfortunately.
He's showing off! The ginger one wins! Going to an ad break now.
See you after the ad break.
Coming up Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
Let's see who our next challenge-ee is.
# We will, we will rock you # Gino D'Acampo.
AUDIENCE: Gino, Gino, Gino! Let's see which ginger warrior you will be taking on.
(LAUGHS) It is none other than Fireballs.
It is like a ginger werewolf.
He's cute.
(LAUGHS) Are you confident, Fireballs? Yeah.
Yeah, pretty.
Well, we both ginger, so we know what life is like being ginger.
A lot of people think that ginger haired people can't see in the dark.
Why is that? I don't know.
We get loads of stick for all sorts of things.
But we can see in the dark.
And we're going to put that to the test as we play OK, Gino and our ginger warrior both have blindfolds on and helmets with buttons on the top.
The winner will be the person who gets the most hits on the bottom which is on the hat, here.
(BELL) You will hear this when you've been hit, yes? You will hear this when you have been hit.
(BOING) Yes? You will go on the klaxon.
Best of five, yes? Kapish.
The game is not called "Twat The Ginger".
That looks very violent, Gino.
All you want to do is hit the button on his head.
Three, two, one.
(KLAXON) (CHEERING) Here, here.
It's me, it's me.
(BELL) You will go on the klaxon.
Three, two, one.
(KLAXON) (BELL) Oh, Gino, he got you.
Let's put you back.
That's 2-0 to the ginger warriors.
Stand here.
Fucking ginger (BLEEP) I will just get Fireballs in position.
On the klaxon.
Three, two, one.
Go! Ginger bastard.
(BELL) Fireballs, take your mask off.
And the winner was Fireballs.
Proving that all gingers can see in the dark.
That's the end of the round, that's the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
Everyone over here.
(BELL) I don't know if you're aware, but at the beginning of this series, we said to Gino He never normally wins, but if you win this series, you will get to host the first episode of next series.
If you lose this series, I will be shaving your hair off.
We did shake on it, didn't we? Yes, we did.
At the moment, in the series, you are winning 4-3.
Oh, come on.
If you win tonight, you'll win the series.
If you lose, it's a draw.
The winner of this week's Celebrity Juice is Come on.
They are telling me it's very close, it's very close.
It's Holly's team.
I was Keith Lemon, join us next week to see if Gino has his hair shaved off.
And if I don't see you for a week, I'll see you through a window.
Goodbye.