The Simpsons s15e01 Episode Script

Good grief, This candy's terrible.
Circus peanuts, raisins, nicotine gum, a library card - You got all the good stuff! - And yet and I'm still not satisfied.
You thieving hussy! You kids have got to learn that actions have consequences.
Eat fire! Punks! What the I'm still cold.
Everyone please stop fighting and burning? Never! - Beat the lumps! Beat the lumps! Beat the lumps! - ¡Ay, caramba! Homie, I disagree with your approach to the children.
The Simpsons Season 15 Episode 1 Treehouse of Horror XIV Treehouse of Horror XIV Pathetic humans! They are showing a halloween episode in November! Oh, still thinking about halloween.
We've already got our christmas decorations up.
Merry Christmas! [SPS Group(China).]
[Thanks for the timeline made by SimpsonsTeam.]
[from wWw.
GreekTVsubS.
gR.]
Reaper Madness - I AM DEATH.
- Death? We don't want any.
I am come for Bart Simpson.
- Bart! Run like a wind(pronounced as waind)! - Mom.
It's wind.
Well, I only read it in books.
Why, you little Please don't take me! Take Milhouse! We all know there's no happy ending there.
Your time is up! This is for Snowball I and JFK(John F.
Kennedy)! - Cool.
- Dad, you realize what you've done? You've created a world without death.
Does this mean I'll never cancel the Jim Belushi show? - I guess so.
- NOOOOOOOOOOOO! A world without dead.
Frankie the Squealer, Why won't you die?! If I know I'll tell you, I swear! I'd better call my wife, tell her I'll be late.
If I knew this would take so long, I'd put on a TV.
Pizza! There's money on the counter.
No tip.
- Are you miserable bastard? - That's why I'm up there.
Death! Death! We miss you so much.
You were a busboy in the restaurant of life.
Clearing away the oldies and the sickies and the chokies.
And you made NASCAR racing exciting.
Homer, it's trash day.
Will you just him out to the curb? I'll curb him without enthusiasm.
This robe is pretty soft.
Check it out! I finally found a dead guy's clothes that fits me! What? It's not My hand! What's happening - Dad! You've become the new Grim Reaper.
- No way, forget it.
I might occasionally kill out of anger, or to illustrate a point.
But I am not a Grim Reaper I'll reap! I'll reap already! - Jasper Your time has come! - Where's the regular guy? Where's doug? Never mind.
I'm death now.
I liked doug.
Jasper.
My dad's job.
My dad's job takes into all parts of the community.
He performs a valuable service.
But it's often misunderstood.
Like a vulture or the flesh eating maggot.
Would anyone like to see Mr.
Simpson harvest a soul? You said something about a hot meal? - Oh man, these seats suck! - Leave everything to me.
Pardon me.
Coming through.
Rest in peace.
You're dead.
Take a dirt nap.
Meet the worms.
- Dad? were all the people on the list? - I don't know.
Ok.
Who am I giving the finger to today? Marge Simpson Not this! Anything but this! Homer Simpson What was that first one again? Ok.
God.
I bumped off the loveof my life according to your defined whim.
Now release me from this ghastly vocation.
NO! - Come on! - Alright.
Hey.
Wait a minute.
This isn't Marge.
This is her fat sister.
Selma.
It's Patty.
Chump! I am too old and too rich to do this.
Thanks for not killing me, Homie.
Here's an extra pork chop.
I'm not gonna kill you every week.
Frinkenstein Hello? Sir, I'm honored to inform you that you've won the Nobel Prize.
The Nobel Prize? Finally! So it's for what? My whole deal? - This is Professor John Frink, isn't it? - If I say no, do I still win? I'll tell Professor Frink he's won.
- Tack fÃr att ni fÃrärar vĺr stad.
(Swedish) - Jumpy Jiminy! Great glavin in a glass! (gibberish) The Nobel Prize! They must've awarded me for my invention of a hammer with a screw driver on the other end.
It's convenient.
- Just for that? - It was a slow year.
Yes.
I only wish my dear father were here to see me win.
Is there's a problem with your father? Well, our relationship was never great.
Mother used to say we get along like positrons and anti-nutrinos.
Yeah, I'm geek.
I was always a disappointment to him.
You see, he was one of those Heman scientists who work on the atom bomb by day and slept with Marilyn Monroe by night and sold secrets to the Russians at lunch.
Last time I saw him alive, he was going to study sharks.
I don't want to go on the oceanagraphic expedition, father.
I get seesick taking a shower! Clean, but nauseous! Clean, but nauseous.
With the rolling and the heaving, and the you make me sick! You've disgraced the name of John Nerdelbaum Frink.
But father, I - We never spoke again.
- Well, where is he now? Maybe, I can help you two patch up your differences.
You need to patch up more than that.
Does shark do that? Yes.
Hes was testing out a new blood-based suntan lotion.
You know now that I have my hammer-screw-driver, I could reanimate him, without the needless switching of tools.
Well, that's always tedious.
Annoying! I'm alive, with the breathing and and watch this radiator where my belly should be.
Oh papa, you're back! Now, we had to replace several vital organs with machinery, but that doesn't make you any less of a man.
Except you have no penis.
- In the traditional sense.
- So what am I? Some kind of a tin-can man from planet tomorrow? Sir, your son has brought you into the 21st century.
It's a lot like the 20th, except everybody's afraid and the stock market is much lower.
Polly don't like that cracker.
I'm getting me a real spleen and then I'm gonna vent it on you boy, chick.
It almost sounded like he plans to tear organs out of living people.
Well, that's my dad, hehe.
You can't stop him.
Hey, Hey, 700 Club, you look like a healthy specimen.
Well I did finish first in the walk for the cure, of homosexuality! Say Ah, baby.
I'm dying.
And there's Heaven.
But who's that? Confucious? And Milton Berle? Boy I have been barking up the wrong tree! - Nice posture.
- Oh thank you! Mother always said: "A curvy spine is the double roller coaster.
" Hey! You can't have that.
Lost your spine, ha? You just keep finding new ways to disappoint me.
Have you stop to think about who you are hurting in this rampage? - The people like killed? - No! Your son! On the biggest day of his life, when he accept the Nobel Prize.
You are not gonna be there.
Oh dear God! I've let my organ lust come between me and my son? It's not too late.
You can still fly to Stockholm.
Well, it better be first class.
Comic book guy's ass won't fit in couch.
You may keep my posterior, just please return the Jaba the Butt tattoo.
("Jabba the Hutt" in Starwar) Stockholm, Sweden Swedish Auditorium Nobel Prize Ceremony Winners drink free! He explored the behaviour of individual molecules and chemical reaction.
She's the sexy star of Alias.
Please welcome Nobel Prize winner Dr.
Dudley Herschbach and Emmy nominee, Jennifer Garner.
You know Dr.
Herschbach, our jobs are actually not that different.
I disagree.
Winner of the Nobel Prize in Physics.
Professor John Frink.
Thank you.
This is a tremendous honor.
However I can't help being somewhat disheartened - that my father has become a (moronic golem?).
- Not any more, son! I'm here to accept the Nobel Prize for stupid.
Can you forgive me? Good glavin, dad, you've made receiving the Nobel Prize the happiest day of my life Oh, the hug is good.
This is what the Nobel Prize is all about.
The science, the love, and the physics we called quantum.
Ain't that right? People? What a great crowd.
You all have such big hearts and such big brains with large juicy dripping with knowledge heads! That's it, I'm going smorgasboard on these poindexters.
And I thought Halle Berry went nuts during her acceptance speech.
I wish I was death again.
That was cool.
Every brain unlocks more secrets of the universe.
Muffins are suprisingly high in calories.
The pyramids were actually built by Sears.
He's right! It all checks out! This is more violent than the hip-hop worlds.
You've got stop your father! Yes, but, how? He is 63 years old.
Pressure point here and here.
Room temperature is 22 degree Celsius.
Yes, this should just about do it.
Oh, Father, you are dying again.
But I can bring you back to life sir.
Son, It dosen't take five brains in your head to know that's a bad idea.
You saw I become a monster and you stopped me, like a man.
I'm proud of you.
And now it's time for me go to Hell Dead.
This is the most exciting nobel prize ceremony ever! I disagree! It must be tough to win a Nobel Prize and lose your father on the same day.
Oh, I didn't really lose my father.
Thanks to my latest invention - the soul catcher! Let's bring it out.
Look at it.
I maybe a soul, but I'm hungry.
Can you throw in a little mazzard.
Maybe a nice pizza pit(?).
Well, of course father, that'll make too sense by your brain desire.
That's a good shwandler Oh, I waited so long to hear you say that.
What dose it mean, is it dirty? Stop the World I Want to GOOF OFF Oh, Baby, did I find something that I throw out today.
If you like space in the attic, aren't you gonna be happy.
Cool! Comics from the '70s.
Superman vs Patty Hearst.
Evel Knievel jumps the Jackson 5.
Batman and Rhoda.
Check out these ads! Let's see, X-ray gum Ah, cool! - Milhouse, do you have your change purse? - Always! Four Weeks Later "Magic Stopwatch" - Here you go, son.
To stop time, click wath.
Wow, she looks like a background character in a Hanna-Barbera cartoon.
To restart time, click watch again.
What the Lisa, that's a filthy habbit.
If we both touching the watch, neither of us will be affected.
- Do you realize what this means? - Yeah, but you say it first! We can do anything we want! Lets get really far ahead on our homework! Wait till the other kids see we're already on the RED unit of Adventures In Reading.
Due to budget cuts, music class will now have a two drink minimum.
Grand apple juice only counts as one.
And Ah, my slacks I can't go on.
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Dammit! I thought our mysterious pranksters might be here tonight, so I covered the meeting hall with ultraviolet powder.
Behold, the perpetrators! It was those guys! Come, let us kill them before learning of the magical secret which they possess! - Oh, that was close.
- Bart, look at the watch! Milhouse, we broke the watch.
Do you realize what this means? Yeah, but you say it first.
Oh man, things are stuck like this forever! Well, I couldn't be happier, I'm the second coolest kid on earth.
Actually, I guess we can do anything we want.
- And no one would stop us.
- I'm gonna play naked basketball.
No, you are not.
- Family looks good.
- Thanks, I just washed them.
Oh, that keeps happening.
Can I punch Oscar de la Hoya for a while? Just keep up the bill.
You know, Milhouse, I thought I'd love eating only frosting and giving the Pope wagging.
But I miss being a regular kid in a real world.
Getting a hug from my mom.
Yeah, I thought I'd be happier if my parents back together.
But it kind of hollow.
é'Ÿè¡¨ä¿®ç† Alright, it says we can learn watch repair in 8 one hour lessons.
十äº"年后 Boy, that took forever.
Yeah.
Well, I work better in a structured environment.
Here goes nothing.
Wait, when people see all the stuff we did, they are gonna kill us.
Yeah.
And I can't run too fast after 15 years of eating nothing but gummy worms.
I'm gonna quit tomorrow, I swear.
What we need is a scapegoat.
Ok, acting natural, and To repeat what I said a moment ago, you are so dead.
This kid is fun to hit.
Hum, why is Bart so tall? And shaggy? Just one of life's mysteries.
Like why is my nose jammed full of army men.
Oh, come on! Don't you get it? Bart stopped time with his magic stopwatch.
Jealous much? Why can't I tinker with the fabric of existence? Let the baby have her bottle.
Ha, what happens, if I press this button? Sorry sorry sorry! [SPS Group(China).]
[Thanks for the timeline made by SimpsonsTeam.]
[from wWw.
GreekTVsubS.
gR.]
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