Celebrity Juice (2008) s15e09 Episode Script
Eamonn Holmes, Chris Ramsey, Craig Revel Horwood
Hi, I'm Keith Lemon and these are my new titles.
There's Holly Willough-booby coming out of a giant clam.
She still got those bangers, boy.
Wahoo! There's Fearne Cotton, who's back after having another baby.
She's a wonder of modern science.
There's Gino Sheffield d'Acampo with a tiny willy just like in real life.
We are all here in heaven but don't worry, we're not dead.
It is an over-elaborate metaphor for how great this show is.
We're still here to make the best show on telly.
What's that show on telly? It's Celebrity Juice on telly.
Not 4K ready.
What's 4K? (APPLAUSE) Yeah! OOOO-RAH! Hello, I'm Keith Lemon and welcome to Celebrity Juice.
Now, on Sunday night, I was stopping in with my girlfriend Nicole.
That's French for Nicola.
We were watching telly, we watched the BAFTAs.
And then we saw this fat lookalike on telly receiving an award for Celebrity Juice called Le-igh Franc-is.
There he is.
(APPLAUSE) Someone has passed me the actual BAFTA.
I have it here.
It's heavy.
ALL: WOO! I'm putting it to good use.
I'm using it as a keyring.
It's like when you go to one of those hotels and they give you a plank of wood with the key on there.
You go to the bar with that thing.
I couldn't have won this without all of you guys.
Thanks a lot.
(APPLAUSE) Anyway, let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's Holly Willough-boozy.
Thanks.
Holly, who is on your team? On my team tonight, d'you know who's on my team? It's Gino! (AUDIENCE CHANTS) Gino, Gino! And on my left, he is a legend, it's Eamonn Holmes! Let's meet our other team captain.
It's Fearne Cotton! Fearne, who's on your team? On my team on my left, why aye, pet, it's Chris Ramsey! And on my right, darling, it's Craig Revel Horwood.
Wagwan, man? Get me, brethrin? It's Eamonn Holmes in the hizzle! Wagwan? Yeah.
You get me? Uh-huh.
Rude boy! (NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT) What's the situation? The situation is, obviously, in my condition, I'm so heavily medicated, I'm not even aware that I'm here.
Yeah, boi! Where am I? Holmes is on the sweet gange, you get me? You've had a double hip replacement? Yep.
Tell us about the procedure.
The hip replacement is fine.
You are fucking mashed off your tits now.
You have to take pain relief.
As well as the sweet gange, boy, you get me? We have given you a comfy hospital chair there.
Yes, you have.
We have an emergency line there.
What happens if I pull that? In case you need any more gange.
Yeah.
Don't pull that! (ALARM BLARES) What happens? They're just telling me that your weed dealer is coming.
What did you do with all the time you had off? That's a very good point.
I was so drugged that I don't remember.
What did I do? We have some pictures of you recovering at home.
There's you by the fridge there.
Here's another one.
In the bath with your bong.
In the garden there with your special plants.
Is it true that you've kindly donated your old hip to the National History Museum? Yes, yes.
We've got a picture of that as well.
Is it true that you did your hip in because of vigorous sex with Ruth? No, I didn't do it "Behave, Ruth!" Me and Ruth were chatting about sex.
I didn't actually have sex with Ruth, obviously, because she's married to Eamonn, but she told me all the things she can do with her magical minge.
It's not just in the It's what you can do down there.
Cos some girls can pick things up with it, can't they? What do you mean pick things up with it? They learn to tense it, don't they? But you don't go around picking up just objects in your front room.
font color="# You're not telling me that you are by yourself now so you don't go, "I'll just see if I can pick up that remote control.
" Uh, no.
Yes! (APPLAUSE) Weirdly, I've never tried.
Chris, have you ever done trap two? Have I ever done what? Have you ever done trap two? What's trap two? Oh, the bum? He has! He has! That was a yes face, wasn't it? Craig, you've done trap two, haven't you? I have.
Indeed, I have.
It's most enjoyable.
With a man? Yes.
I don't know why I come on this programme.
And afterwards did you go, "Seven!"? No, but Len did.
(LAUGHTER) Craig, I've got to say, congratulations to you.
Yeah.
Cos on Sunday, you were triumphant, weren't you? Yes! Fantastic.
After 12 years of Strictly.
Round of applause.
Thank you.
Have you ever seen Bruno and Gino d'Acampo in the same room? No.
No-one has! That's odd.
Gino, last week, you told us a little secret about you and your missus.
We've got the headlines here.
(READS) I think it's something normal.
People don't? No? No!/f Anyway, Gino, because of your love of vegetables, and making sweet love with a vegetable, we have got a present for you and your wife.
(THIS IS YOUR LIFE MUSIC) (APPLAUSE) There you go.
Mrs D'Acampo will like this.
It's a carrot vibrator.
There it is.
This is awesome! Why would that be a thing? Vitamin C.
We've got some onion anal beads there.
I mean, that takes onion breath to a whole new level.
Don't use that chilli.
Shit! No, this is good.
No, it's not good! It looks like a tongue.
Gene Simmons from Kiss, innit? We play pick and mix sometimes.
Why aye, man, it's Christopher Ramsey! (APPLAUSE) You've recently become a dad, as well.
Yeah! I have indeed.
How's that ganning for ya? It's all right, yeah.
It's not bad.
Do you think you can look at the nappies and detect what he's had for his dinner? I know what he's had for his dinner.
Because you've give him the dinner.
Yeah.
We're gonna put your nappy-viewing skills to the test.
To see if you can detect what's inside a nappy, as we play "What The Crappy's In The Nappy?"! Oh, man! Fucking bastard! Chris, I'm gonna give you a nappy.
You've got to tell me the contents of the nappy, what that baby's been eating.
Not just by looking at it, but by tasting it.
Bollocks! (FEARNE GAGS) Here is the first one.
Oh, mate, come on, man! For you guys at home.
This is what it is.
(FARTING SOUND EFFECTS) Look at Fearne's face! I just can't handle it.
Oh, mate, come on! Tell me what it is.
It's half nappy, half sanitary towel.
(LAUGHTER) It looks so real.
I always sniff the nappy.
What?! I always do.
I can't help it.
Argh! Pate! It's pate! What kind? Baby shit pate! I don't know! I will give you that.
It's chicken liver pate.
Oh, man! (APPLAUSE) Oh-oh-oh! Oh, mate! I can smell this already! You dirty little bastard! For you guys at home, there's the contents.
(FARTING SOUND EFFECTS) Tell you what, seeing as though Holly likes to sniff nappies, I'll give you a chance to win a point if you have a little taste of this one.
I won't throw it.
It's just not right, is it? Eating something out of a nappy.
It's the worst.
So wrong.
Oh-ha-ha! Look at Eamonn's face! "I wish I would've said no.
" Eamon's protecting himself with his wizard's staff.
It's um It's HP sauce.
That's correct! It's brown sauce! Ohhhhh! Here's the contents.
This one is for Craig Revel Horwood.
That's got bits in it.
Carrots.
What is that? (AUDIENCE GASP) Like a seafood salad or something.
(LAUGHTER) Craig's getting right stuck in there.
It's nice.
This is real, isn't it, I suppose? It's good shit.
Did you say it's good shit? It tastes like gazpacho.
(BUZZER SOUNDS) I can't let you lick any more.
I can reveal that was actual baby shit.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) OK, it's time to play an oldie but a goodie.
It's time to play, "Who Are You Kidding?"! (CHEERING) I will show you a VT of some celebrities when they were babies and you have to give me the identity of that celebrity.
This is a bidding war, so I will ask you to write down how many you think you can get.
Play along at home if you want.
OK, here is the VT.
Which stands forvideo tape.
(BABY SPEAKS GIBBERISH) "Oh, yes, I love school.
School is my favourite thing.
" (HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLE) (OVERENTHUSIASTIC LAUGH) "Look at that dog on a skateboard!" "Uh-huh-huh-huh.
I'm just a girl at school.
" That's not a celebrity.
"Ahoy! Let me sing a song for you.
" "I am from the past.
I used to go to school with the elephant man.
" "Leave it out, will you? Do you wanna play doctors and nurses? So, Holly's team, how many do you think you'll guess there? None? No! There was five.
We got five.
We think we got five.
Five.
Fearne's team? Let's Shall we just say six and try? Whatever you want.
I was horrible.
If you don't get all six, the points will go to Holly's team.
We will give it a go.
Right, Fearne's team says six.
Who's this? That one, I don't know.
I will give you a clue, Fearne.
You can't give them a clue! Let me give them a clue! You don't know what the clue is yet, do you?! You make Let me give them the clue! This person You have no idea how to do this game! (APPLAUSE) Ever have a BAFTA making dough balls on This Morning? (LAUGHTER) Give you a clue, Fearne, this person still has two eyes.
Thank you for that clue.
We really don't know but Pffft.
Tom from McFly? Tom from McFly, let's see if you are right.
No! It's Bieber! Next one.
Who's that? Er Look at the face.
This is easy, this one.
This person has arms.
Who is it? We don't know this one! Janet Street-Porter?! Janet Street-Porter.
Let's have a look.
No, it's the Silver Fox, Mr Schofield.
Oh, my God, it looks nothing like Phil! You can see it! Oh, my God! Let's have a look at the next one.
Who's that? That is Kylie Jenner.
Let's have a look.
That's correct! (APPLAUSE) Who is this? This one is easy? Fatboy Slim? It does look like him when you see it like that.
There is your weed that you asked for.
You will never get this.
Is that Denise van Outen? No, it's Vicky Pattison.
You have one, but should we find out Who is that? Who did I say that was? David Attenborough? No, it's the complete opposite.
The man more evil than Dracula, it is Shitler.
Gino! Yes, that is Gino D'Acampo when he was a little black girl.
Did you use to strip for an audience? We used to go camping and they used to do cabaret at night and I used to play the little girl who liked to strip.
Peculiar.
At that age, which was about eight, I didn't know if I was into girls or font co And then you find out you are into fruit! (LAUGHTER) Well done.
The point goes to Holly's team! The scores at the end of that round are We will go to an ad break.
See you in three, I am off for a pee.
Coming up: Go, go, go! Eamonn, don't look back! Argh! Hooor-aaah! Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
You could call this the hip replacement special.
Craig, you have had your hips replaced.
I heard you are banned from sex? It's 12 weeks.
You have been sat home watching Ruth on Loose Women.
Let's play Here we are with Indiana Holmes? Are you ready for danger? Yes.
You have to go out of the studio on an assault course and you will find some foliage.
Normally what's in foliage? Jazz mags.
Remember when people used to stash their porn mags? We never had those in Ireland.
The best thing about them is that we will let you keep them.
Ruth didn't even let me have a mobility scooter.
Wait for the klaxon.
Here we go! (APPLAUSE) (INDIANA JONES THEME) Eamonn, you've gone the wrong way, you idiot! That's a dead end! Turn around! This is Eamonn Holmes on a mobility scooter.
Over a ramp! Be careful of your hips! Obstructions ahead.
Oh, my word.
What's this? Whose pants are these? Get involved in the foliage! Bring back the porn mags! (ALARM SOUNDS) Hurry up, you've set the trap off! Stop looking at them! You are in danger! Hurry up! Be careful.
That's it, steady, steady.
Beware of giant balls.
(LAUGHTER) Eamonn, don't look back! (APPLAUSE) Just in time! (APPLAUSE) Just in time.
Just in time.
This is why I hate coming on thi filth.
You couldn't play a good clean game, could you? He got six points! Eamonn Holmes! And the scores at the end of that round are Fearne, let me ask you a question.
Who do you think Craig's favourite celebrity is? Dame Edna.
I love Barbra Streisand! A natural woman with a fantastic singing voice.
You're shit at this game! Yeah.
Let's play I like it.
You can have it after this.
Here we are on the set of The Fly.
Remember it? With Jeff Goldblum.
Are you in? Can you breathe? I can breathe.
Let's mind meld (LAUGHTER) You look like a member of Hanson! How does it feel being in that dark pit of sorrow? It's absolutely delicious.
I'm loving it! (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) We asked Fearne some questions before the show.
You are in her mind so you should know the answers.
Describe how you smell.
What did she say? She would say absolutely rancid! I'm afraid she said a mixture of baby sick and perfume.
That's rancid.
We asked Fearne, what your favourite position in the bedroom? Doggie style! Her favourite position is in the arsehole! Trap two! That was not my answer! You are falling out of your brain! Get back in, you are falling out! My answer was sleeping.
Yes, with a penis in your trap two! That is what Holly looks like before she put her make-up on.
She looks a bit like Daniella Westbrook.
I'm a lady! Everything is amazing.
Lick my tits! Gino, what is your worst feature? I don't have any worst feature, but in 20 years, those tits are going to go down.
She said big bum.
What annoys you most about Phillip Schofield? What is annoying about Philip Schofield? I think he's always Mr Fucking Perfection.
I'll give you that.
She said he always tidies her stuff.
Ah, yes.
He likes to trim the bush.
He likes to touch Holly quite a lot.
No! I am in the kitchen everything.
Really? Let's switch.
Let's put Holly inside Gino! Holly, you are now inside Gino, how does it feel? Get me the fuck out of here.
What is your worst feature? Eve now, but as you said to me, in 20 years' time, your balls I going to be by your knees.
It's a hairy hest.
In a shit accent.
What is the most unusual place you have had sex? In a vegetable patch? He said a church toilet.
The wedding was fucking boring! Holly and Gino, everyone! And the scores at the end of that round are Mind melding! Now an ad break, see you in a bit.
Coming up Next up, it's Gino D'Acampo.
# Do you believe in life after love? (APPLAUSE) Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
Craig, sometimes, you do drag.
You drag up, don't you? Yes, I do.
What is your alter ego's name, when you are in drag? Lavish.
There is Lavish.
Holy shit! Wow, you look amazing! I wasn't expecting that! Oh, no, my mind has gone all wrong.
Fabulous.
Out of Chris, Gino and Eamonn, who do you think would be the best drag act? Fearne doesn't count because she is in drag already.
I think Gino probably has the aptitude for it but I think Chris has a better look.
Well, let's find out, as we play So, Craig and your fellow judges, you can see you have got judging panels.
7! So we want you to judge this year's Strictly Come Dragging.
The first contestant is Christina Ramsey! # THE WEATHER GIRLS: Raining Men (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Ramsey there A drunk Mystic Meg.
Craig, any questions for Christina? Christina, darling, when did you start your drag career? Um, at the top of those stairs.
This is my Geordie Shore audition.
I am going to be on their next weekend, fucked in a kebab shop.
OK, thank you, Christina.
Next up, it's Gina D'Acampo.
# CHER: Believe (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Hiya! It's Lily Savage! Craig, any questions for Gina? What is your favourite dance move, darling? My favourite dance move is the cha-cha-cha.
Could you demonstrate a little bit of that, darling? Yes, OK.
(CHA-CHA-CHA MUSIC) I'll do it with you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And down you go.
Fabulous.
Next up, give it up for the devilishly naughty Emma Holmes.
Emma Holmes! Emma Holmes! Let me walk, let me walk.
Emma Holmes! It is Emma Holmes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) It was never like that on The Price Is Right.
Right, what is this all about? The scooter doesn't work.
This is very undignified, hurry up with this.
Would you like to ask Emma what the situation is? How has drag changed your life, darling? I don't care if I win or not, get it over with.
He loves it! I don't fucking care.
Eamonn looks like a disco wizard.
Right, we are going to find out the scores.
Can we have some dramatic lighting, please? Can we have the scores for Christina, please? Oh, Christina.
5.
4.
Fearne, what the fuck? 7! Thank you, Holly.
Thank you very much.
font color (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 16.
Yes, thank you very much.
You can't do that.
You can't just go, 'Uh!' Right, we have Emma next, the wrestler.
Let's see what scores Emma gets? Five.
One.
Ten! Oh, 16 again! So what about Gina Savage? What are you looking at, Gina? What is in the ceiling? That is for the profile, shush! Ready, what are the scores? I'm afraid it is a six.
Eight.
Ten! Gina is the winner! (AUDIENCE CHANT) Gino, Gino, Gino! Holly's team gets the points.
That's the end of the round and the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
I can tell you (LAUGHTER) I can tell you the winning team this week is Do you want to hear Ruth's opinion on Eamonn? Oh, no, it's not him.
It's my friend Brian.
You've got a friend called Brian? OK It doesn't look like someone who would hang out with a Brian.
My dad is called Brian.
My brother is called Brian.
fon now tweeting me about Brian.
The winning team this week is .
.
Holly's team! Well done.
I'll will see you through the window.
# CHER: Believe
There's Holly Willough-booby coming out of a giant clam.
She still got those bangers, boy.
Wahoo! There's Fearne Cotton, who's back after having another baby.
She's a wonder of modern science.
There's Gino Sheffield d'Acampo with a tiny willy just like in real life.
We are all here in heaven but don't worry, we're not dead.
It is an over-elaborate metaphor for how great this show is.
We're still here to make the best show on telly.
What's that show on telly? It's Celebrity Juice on telly.
Not 4K ready.
What's 4K? (APPLAUSE) Yeah! OOOO-RAH! Hello, I'm Keith Lemon and welcome to Celebrity Juice.
Now, on Sunday night, I was stopping in with my girlfriend Nicole.
That's French for Nicola.
We were watching telly, we watched the BAFTAs.
And then we saw this fat lookalike on telly receiving an award for Celebrity Juice called Le-igh Franc-is.
There he is.
(APPLAUSE) Someone has passed me the actual BAFTA.
I have it here.
It's heavy.
ALL: WOO! I'm putting it to good use.
I'm using it as a keyring.
It's like when you go to one of those hotels and they give you a plank of wood with the key on there.
You go to the bar with that thing.
I couldn't have won this without all of you guys.
Thanks a lot.
(APPLAUSE) Anyway, let's meet our team captains.
First up, it's Holly Willough-boozy.
Thanks.
Holly, who is on your team? On my team tonight, d'you know who's on my team? It's Gino! (AUDIENCE CHANTS) Gino, Gino! And on my left, he is a legend, it's Eamonn Holmes! Let's meet our other team captain.
It's Fearne Cotton! Fearne, who's on your team? On my team on my left, why aye, pet, it's Chris Ramsey! And on my right, darling, it's Craig Revel Horwood.
Wagwan, man? Get me, brethrin? It's Eamonn Holmes in the hizzle! Wagwan? Yeah.
You get me? Uh-huh.
Rude boy! (NORTHERN IRISH ACCENT) What's the situation? The situation is, obviously, in my condition, I'm so heavily medicated, I'm not even aware that I'm here.
Yeah, boi! Where am I? Holmes is on the sweet gange, you get me? You've had a double hip replacement? Yep.
Tell us about the procedure.
The hip replacement is fine.
You are fucking mashed off your tits now.
You have to take pain relief.
As well as the sweet gange, boy, you get me? We have given you a comfy hospital chair there.
Yes, you have.
We have an emergency line there.
What happens if I pull that? In case you need any more gange.
Yeah.
Don't pull that! (ALARM BLARES) What happens? They're just telling me that your weed dealer is coming.
What did you do with all the time you had off? That's a very good point.
I was so drugged that I don't remember.
What did I do? We have some pictures of you recovering at home.
There's you by the fridge there.
Here's another one.
In the bath with your bong.
In the garden there with your special plants.
Is it true that you've kindly donated your old hip to the National History Museum? Yes, yes.
We've got a picture of that as well.
Is it true that you did your hip in because of vigorous sex with Ruth? No, I didn't do it "Behave, Ruth!" Me and Ruth were chatting about sex.
I didn't actually have sex with Ruth, obviously, because she's married to Eamonn, but she told me all the things she can do with her magical minge.
It's not just in the It's what you can do down there.
Cos some girls can pick things up with it, can't they? What do you mean pick things up with it? They learn to tense it, don't they? But you don't go around picking up just objects in your front room.
font color="# You're not telling me that you are by yourself now so you don't go, "I'll just see if I can pick up that remote control.
" Uh, no.
Yes! (APPLAUSE) Weirdly, I've never tried.
Chris, have you ever done trap two? Have I ever done what? Have you ever done trap two? What's trap two? Oh, the bum? He has! He has! That was a yes face, wasn't it? Craig, you've done trap two, haven't you? I have.
Indeed, I have.
It's most enjoyable.
With a man? Yes.
I don't know why I come on this programme.
And afterwards did you go, "Seven!"? No, but Len did.
(LAUGHTER) Craig, I've got to say, congratulations to you.
Yeah.
Cos on Sunday, you were triumphant, weren't you? Yes! Fantastic.
After 12 years of Strictly.
Round of applause.
Thank you.
Have you ever seen Bruno and Gino d'Acampo in the same room? No.
No-one has! That's odd.
Gino, last week, you told us a little secret about you and your missus.
We've got the headlines here.
(READS) I think it's something normal.
People don't? No? No!/f Anyway, Gino, because of your love of vegetables, and making sweet love with a vegetable, we have got a present for you and your wife.
(THIS IS YOUR LIFE MUSIC) (APPLAUSE) There you go.
Mrs D'Acampo will like this.
It's a carrot vibrator.
There it is.
This is awesome! Why would that be a thing? Vitamin C.
We've got some onion anal beads there.
I mean, that takes onion breath to a whole new level.
Don't use that chilli.
Shit! No, this is good.
No, it's not good! It looks like a tongue.
Gene Simmons from Kiss, innit? We play pick and mix sometimes.
Why aye, man, it's Christopher Ramsey! (APPLAUSE) You've recently become a dad, as well.
Yeah! I have indeed.
How's that ganning for ya? It's all right, yeah.
It's not bad.
Do you think you can look at the nappies and detect what he's had for his dinner? I know what he's had for his dinner.
Because you've give him the dinner.
Yeah.
We're gonna put your nappy-viewing skills to the test.
To see if you can detect what's inside a nappy, as we play "What The Crappy's In The Nappy?"! Oh, man! Fucking bastard! Chris, I'm gonna give you a nappy.
You've got to tell me the contents of the nappy, what that baby's been eating.
Not just by looking at it, but by tasting it.
Bollocks! (FEARNE GAGS) Here is the first one.
Oh, mate, come on, man! For you guys at home.
This is what it is.
(FARTING SOUND EFFECTS) Look at Fearne's face! I just can't handle it.
Oh, mate, come on! Tell me what it is.
It's half nappy, half sanitary towel.
(LAUGHTER) It looks so real.
I always sniff the nappy.
What?! I always do.
I can't help it.
Argh! Pate! It's pate! What kind? Baby shit pate! I don't know! I will give you that.
It's chicken liver pate.
Oh, man! (APPLAUSE) Oh-oh-oh! Oh, mate! I can smell this already! You dirty little bastard! For you guys at home, there's the contents.
(FARTING SOUND EFFECTS) Tell you what, seeing as though Holly likes to sniff nappies, I'll give you a chance to win a point if you have a little taste of this one.
I won't throw it.
It's just not right, is it? Eating something out of a nappy.
It's the worst.
So wrong.
Oh-ha-ha! Look at Eamonn's face! "I wish I would've said no.
" Eamon's protecting himself with his wizard's staff.
It's um It's HP sauce.
That's correct! It's brown sauce! Ohhhhh! Here's the contents.
This one is for Craig Revel Horwood.
That's got bits in it.
Carrots.
What is that? (AUDIENCE GASP) Like a seafood salad or something.
(LAUGHTER) Craig's getting right stuck in there.
It's nice.
This is real, isn't it, I suppose? It's good shit.
Did you say it's good shit? It tastes like gazpacho.
(BUZZER SOUNDS) I can't let you lick any more.
I can reveal that was actual baby shit.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) OK, it's time to play an oldie but a goodie.
It's time to play, "Who Are You Kidding?"! (CHEERING) I will show you a VT of some celebrities when they were babies and you have to give me the identity of that celebrity.
This is a bidding war, so I will ask you to write down how many you think you can get.
Play along at home if you want.
OK, here is the VT.
Which stands forvideo tape.
(BABY SPEAKS GIBBERISH) "Oh, yes, I love school.
School is my favourite thing.
" (HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLE) (OVERENTHUSIASTIC LAUGH) "Look at that dog on a skateboard!" "Uh-huh-huh-huh.
I'm just a girl at school.
" That's not a celebrity.
"Ahoy! Let me sing a song for you.
" "I am from the past.
I used to go to school with the elephant man.
" "Leave it out, will you? Do you wanna play doctors and nurses? So, Holly's team, how many do you think you'll guess there? None? No! There was five.
We got five.
We think we got five.
Five.
Fearne's team? Let's Shall we just say six and try? Whatever you want.
I was horrible.
If you don't get all six, the points will go to Holly's team.
We will give it a go.
Right, Fearne's team says six.
Who's this? That one, I don't know.
I will give you a clue, Fearne.
You can't give them a clue! Let me give them a clue! You don't know what the clue is yet, do you?! You make Let me give them the clue! This person You have no idea how to do this game! (APPLAUSE) Ever have a BAFTA making dough balls on This Morning? (LAUGHTER) Give you a clue, Fearne, this person still has two eyes.
Thank you for that clue.
We really don't know but Pffft.
Tom from McFly? Tom from McFly, let's see if you are right.
No! It's Bieber! Next one.
Who's that? Er Look at the face.
This is easy, this one.
This person has arms.
Who is it? We don't know this one! Janet Street-Porter?! Janet Street-Porter.
Let's have a look.
No, it's the Silver Fox, Mr Schofield.
Oh, my God, it looks nothing like Phil! You can see it! Oh, my God! Let's have a look at the next one.
Who's that? That is Kylie Jenner.
Let's have a look.
That's correct! (APPLAUSE) Who is this? This one is easy? Fatboy Slim? It does look like him when you see it like that.
There is your weed that you asked for.
You will never get this.
Is that Denise van Outen? No, it's Vicky Pattison.
You have one, but should we find out Who is that? Who did I say that was? David Attenborough? No, it's the complete opposite.
The man more evil than Dracula, it is Shitler.
Gino! Yes, that is Gino D'Acampo when he was a little black girl.
Did you use to strip for an audience? We used to go camping and they used to do cabaret at night and I used to play the little girl who liked to strip.
Peculiar.
At that age, which was about eight, I didn't know if I was into girls or font co And then you find out you are into fruit! (LAUGHTER) Well done.
The point goes to Holly's team! The scores at the end of that round are We will go to an ad break.
See you in three, I am off for a pee.
Coming up: Go, go, go! Eamonn, don't look back! Argh! Hooor-aaah! Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
You could call this the hip replacement special.
Craig, you have had your hips replaced.
I heard you are banned from sex? It's 12 weeks.
You have been sat home watching Ruth on Loose Women.
Let's play Here we are with Indiana Holmes? Are you ready for danger? Yes.
You have to go out of the studio on an assault course and you will find some foliage.
Normally what's in foliage? Jazz mags.
Remember when people used to stash their porn mags? We never had those in Ireland.
The best thing about them is that we will let you keep them.
Ruth didn't even let me have a mobility scooter.
Wait for the klaxon.
Here we go! (APPLAUSE) (INDIANA JONES THEME) Eamonn, you've gone the wrong way, you idiot! That's a dead end! Turn around! This is Eamonn Holmes on a mobility scooter.
Over a ramp! Be careful of your hips! Obstructions ahead.
Oh, my word.
What's this? Whose pants are these? Get involved in the foliage! Bring back the porn mags! (ALARM SOUNDS) Hurry up, you've set the trap off! Stop looking at them! You are in danger! Hurry up! Be careful.
That's it, steady, steady.
Beware of giant balls.
(LAUGHTER) Eamonn, don't look back! (APPLAUSE) Just in time! (APPLAUSE) Just in time.
Just in time.
This is why I hate coming on thi filth.
You couldn't play a good clean game, could you? He got six points! Eamonn Holmes! And the scores at the end of that round are Fearne, let me ask you a question.
Who do you think Craig's favourite celebrity is? Dame Edna.
I love Barbra Streisand! A natural woman with a fantastic singing voice.
You're shit at this game! Yeah.
Let's play I like it.
You can have it after this.
Here we are on the set of The Fly.
Remember it? With Jeff Goldblum.
Are you in? Can you breathe? I can breathe.
Let's mind meld (LAUGHTER) You look like a member of Hanson! How does it feel being in that dark pit of sorrow? It's absolutely delicious.
I'm loving it! (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE) We asked Fearne some questions before the show.
You are in her mind so you should know the answers.
Describe how you smell.
What did she say? She would say absolutely rancid! I'm afraid she said a mixture of baby sick and perfume.
That's rancid.
We asked Fearne, what your favourite position in the bedroom? Doggie style! Her favourite position is in the arsehole! Trap two! That was not my answer! You are falling out of your brain! Get back in, you are falling out! My answer was sleeping.
Yes, with a penis in your trap two! That is what Holly looks like before she put her make-up on.
She looks a bit like Daniella Westbrook.
I'm a lady! Everything is amazing.
Lick my tits! Gino, what is your worst feature? I don't have any worst feature, but in 20 years, those tits are going to go down.
She said big bum.
What annoys you most about Phillip Schofield? What is annoying about Philip Schofield? I think he's always Mr Fucking Perfection.
I'll give you that.
She said he always tidies her stuff.
Ah, yes.
He likes to trim the bush.
He likes to touch Holly quite a lot.
No! I am in the kitchen everything.
Really? Let's switch.
Let's put Holly inside Gino! Holly, you are now inside Gino, how does it feel? Get me the fuck out of here.
What is your worst feature? Eve now, but as you said to me, in 20 years' time, your balls I going to be by your knees.
It's a hairy hest.
In a shit accent.
What is the most unusual place you have had sex? In a vegetable patch? He said a church toilet.
The wedding was fucking boring! Holly and Gino, everyone! And the scores at the end of that round are Mind melding! Now an ad break, see you in a bit.
Coming up Next up, it's Gino D'Acampo.
# Do you believe in life after love? (APPLAUSE) Welcome back to Celebrity Juice.
Craig, sometimes, you do drag.
You drag up, don't you? Yes, I do.
What is your alter ego's name, when you are in drag? Lavish.
There is Lavish.
Holy shit! Wow, you look amazing! I wasn't expecting that! Oh, no, my mind has gone all wrong.
Fabulous.
Out of Chris, Gino and Eamonn, who do you think would be the best drag act? Fearne doesn't count because she is in drag already.
I think Gino probably has the aptitude for it but I think Chris has a better look.
Well, let's find out, as we play So, Craig and your fellow judges, you can see you have got judging panels.
7! So we want you to judge this year's Strictly Come Dragging.
The first contestant is Christina Ramsey! # THE WEATHER GIRLS: Raining Men (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Ramsey there A drunk Mystic Meg.
Craig, any questions for Christina? Christina, darling, when did you start your drag career? Um, at the top of those stairs.
This is my Geordie Shore audition.
I am going to be on their next weekend, fucked in a kebab shop.
OK, thank you, Christina.
Next up, it's Gina D'Acampo.
# CHER: Believe (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) Hiya! It's Lily Savage! Craig, any questions for Gina? What is your favourite dance move, darling? My favourite dance move is the cha-cha-cha.
Could you demonstrate a little bit of that, darling? Yes, OK.
(CHA-CHA-CHA MUSIC) I'll do it with you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) And down you go.
Fabulous.
Next up, give it up for the devilishly naughty Emma Holmes.
Emma Holmes! Emma Holmes! Let me walk, let me walk.
Emma Holmes! It is Emma Holmes! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) It was never like that on The Price Is Right.
Right, what is this all about? The scooter doesn't work.
This is very undignified, hurry up with this.
Would you like to ask Emma what the situation is? How has drag changed your life, darling? I don't care if I win or not, get it over with.
He loves it! I don't fucking care.
Eamonn looks like a disco wizard.
Right, we are going to find out the scores.
Can we have some dramatic lighting, please? Can we have the scores for Christina, please? Oh, Christina.
5.
4.
Fearne, what the fuck? 7! Thank you, Holly.
Thank you very much.
font color (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 16.
Yes, thank you very much.
You can't do that.
You can't just go, 'Uh!' Right, we have Emma next, the wrestler.
Let's see what scores Emma gets? Five.
One.
Ten! Oh, 16 again! So what about Gina Savage? What are you looking at, Gina? What is in the ceiling? That is for the profile, shush! Ready, what are the scores? I'm afraid it is a six.
Eight.
Ten! Gina is the winner! (AUDIENCE CHANT) Gino, Gino, Gino! Holly's team gets the points.
That's the end of the round and the end of this week's Celebrity Juice.
I can tell you (LAUGHTER) I can tell you the winning team this week is Do you want to hear Ruth's opinion on Eamonn? Oh, no, it's not him.
It's my friend Brian.
You've got a friend called Brian? OK It doesn't look like someone who would hang out with a Brian.
My dad is called Brian.
My brother is called Brian.
fon now tweeting me about Brian.
The winning team this week is .
.
Holly's team! Well done.
I'll will see you through the window.
# CHER: Believe